5848 lines
102 KiB
Plaintext
5848 lines
102 KiB
Plaintext
WEBVTT
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Tensions are rising
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as the stand-off
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00:00:47.798 --> 00:00:51.801
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between the world community and the
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rogue North African nation of Wadiya
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00:00:51.885 --> 00:00:53.094
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intensified today
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00:00:53.178 --> 00:00:57.140
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as U.N. Weapons inspectors were once
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again refused access to the country
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00:00:57.224 --> 00:01:00.476
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by Wadiyan leader,
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Admiral General Aladeen.
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I will take no options
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off the table. And I mean what I say.
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Tonight we ask...
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Who is General Aladeen?
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00:01:08.277 --> 00:01:10.069
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According to
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Wadiyan propaganda,
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00:01:10.154 --> 00:01:13.281
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Haffaz Aladeen
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was born in 1973.
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00:01:16.452 --> 00:01:19.787
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He did not know his mother,
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who died in childbirth.
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00:01:21.623 --> 00:01:25.084
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General Aladeen was born
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the only son of the Colonel Aladeen,
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himself a savage
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and violent dictator.
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Next!
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Known for his iconic beard,
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he is protected
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by 30 female guards,
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00:01:38.932 --> 00:01:40.641
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who he maintains
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are virgin.
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00:01:50.819 --> 00:01:52.487
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Thrust into power
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at age seven,
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00:01:52.613 --> 00:01:56.324
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he may just be the most dangerous
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man in the entire world.
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00:01:57.034 --> 00:01:58.326
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All right,
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let's get right to it.
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00:01:59.620 --> 00:02:01.329
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Do you have
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nuclear weapons?
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00:02:04.208 --> 00:02:05.583
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What was the question?
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00:02:06.376 --> 00:02:09.128
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Do you have
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nuclear weapons?
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00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:10.421
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Sorry, I can't hear you.
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00:02:10.506 --> 00:02:12.215
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Are you developing
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nuclear weapons?
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00:02:12.508 --> 00:02:14.383
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No, I literally
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can't hear you.
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I'm going to
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another question.
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Oh, I can hear you now.
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Eccentric and with
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unlimited oil wealth,
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00:02:22.476 --> 00:02:24.894
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he recently hosted
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his own Olympic Games...
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00:02:25.187 --> 00:02:27.396
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On your mark, get set.
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00:02:36.073 --> 00:02:38.533
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...at which he won
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fourteen gold medals.
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Aladeen! Aladeen!
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Often described
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as ignorant,
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00:02:47.251 --> 00:02:50.628
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he changed
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over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"
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00:02:50.712 --> 00:02:54.507
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including the words "positive" and
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"negative," causing mass confusion.
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00:02:55.217 --> 00:02:59.845
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Do you want
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the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?
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The Aladeen news?
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You are HIV-Aladeen.
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00:03:21.994 --> 00:03:23.202
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With pressure mounting,
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Aladeen addressed
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his nation today.
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Aladeen! Aladeen!
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People of Wadiya,
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I come before you today
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to tell you that the world shall
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kneel before our great nation.
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00:04:08.999 --> 00:04:13.961
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We are two months away from
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enriching weapons-grade uranium
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00:04:16.340 --> 00:04:21.552
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to be used
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for peaceful purposes.
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00:04:28.852 --> 00:04:32.855
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It will be used
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only for medical research
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00:04:33.148 --> 00:04:36.317
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and clean energy.
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It will, it will.
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00:04:36.485 --> 00:04:39.153
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And will certainly
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never be used
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00:04:39.488 --> 00:04:41.989
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to attack Is...
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Oh, boy.
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00:04:45.661 --> 00:04:46.994
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With that speech, today,
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00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:49.664
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the international community
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is asking one question:
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00:04:50.165 --> 00:04:53.501
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Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
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have nuclear weapons?
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00:05:04.054 --> 00:05:05.179
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Now, show me
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my nuclear weapons!
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00:05:05.263 --> 00:05:08.015
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I can't wait!
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I can't wait!
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00:05:24.116 --> 00:05:26.325
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This is the Beard
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of Doom rocket?
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00:05:26.785 --> 00:05:29.662
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This is my weapon?
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I will be a laughingstock!
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00:05:29.955 --> 00:05:32.623
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All my friends
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have got nuclear weapons.
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00:05:32.874 --> 00:05:34.375
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Even Ahmadinejad!
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00:05:34.751 --> 00:05:37.920
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And he looks like
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a snitch on Miami Vice.
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00:05:38.213 --> 00:05:40.548
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Would it kill him
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to wear a tie?
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00:05:41.049 --> 00:05:44.009
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I mean, is every day
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in Iran casual Friday?
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00:05:44.886 --> 00:05:48.889
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Where is the Head of my Nuclear
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Program and Procurer of Women?
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00:05:49.224 --> 00:05:51.058
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Where is Nuclear Nadal?
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00:05:51.309 --> 00:05:53.728
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You had Nadal executed,
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Supreme Leader.
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00:05:54.062 --> 00:05:55.187
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Why did I do that?
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00:06:00.986 --> 00:06:01.986
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Supreme Leader!
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Nadal.
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00:06:03.822 --> 00:06:06.991
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We are just months away
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from refining weapons-grade uranium,
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00:06:07.242 --> 00:06:09.910
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and we are set
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to test the missile next week.
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00:06:11.747 --> 00:06:14.457
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It is too round on the top.
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It needs to be pointy.
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00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:17.752
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Round is not scary.
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Pointy is scary.
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00:06:18.003 --> 00:06:20.004
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This will put a smile
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on the faces of the enemy.
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00:06:20.255 --> 00:06:23.591
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They will think that it is a huge robot
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dildo flying toward them.
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00:06:23.842 --> 00:06:25.050
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No, Supreme Leader.
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00:06:25.135 --> 00:06:27.887
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The shape of the missile top
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has nothing to do with aerodynamics.
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00:06:27.971 --> 00:06:29.680
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It is about
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the payload delivery.
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00:06:29.765 --> 00:06:31.932
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No. It sticks in the ground,
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and then kaboom.
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00:06:32.434 --> 00:06:33.893
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Supreme Leader,
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I think perhaps
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00:06:33.977 --> 00:06:37.438
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some of your information
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about bombs is coming from cartoons.
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00:06:37.564 --> 00:06:39.857
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Nonsense.
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They were research films.
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And in them,
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the victims of the bomb
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00:06:42.694 --> 00:06:44.778
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would get
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very sooty faces
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00:06:44.988 --> 00:06:47.865
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and then a see-through
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version of themselves
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00:06:48.366 --> 00:06:51.577
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started rising up towards Heaven
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while playing a harp.
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00:06:51.953 --> 00:06:55.039
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In this film,
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just one question,
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00:06:55.123 --> 00:06:59.043
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was there a duck who,
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when the explosion is happens,
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00:06:59.127 --> 00:07:02.338
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his bill goes
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around to the back of his head,
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00:07:02.422 --> 00:07:05.549
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and then in order to talk,
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he has to put it back this way?
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00:07:06.009 --> 00:07:09.261
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There was somebody
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who suffered a deformity like that.
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00:07:09.346 --> 00:07:10.596
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Okay.
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00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:14.016
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I am now 100% sure
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that you are watching cartoons.
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00:07:14.392 --> 00:07:16.310
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Have you spoken to
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the experts about this?
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00:07:16.394 --> 00:07:19.313
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- Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
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- Who?
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00:07:19.397 --> 00:07:22.816
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Professor Bobeye, the one
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with the incredibly strong forearms
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00:07:22.901 --> 00:07:24.944
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that are miss-sized
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for his body.
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00:07:25.153 --> 00:07:27.446
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The man you are discussing
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is called Popeye.
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00:07:27.572 --> 00:07:29.490
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- Bobeye.
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- He is not a professor.
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00:07:29.616 --> 00:07:33.369
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Popeye is, as the song
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tells us, a sailor man.
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Indulge me. For one second,
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pretend that I'm an idiot.
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Okay. I'm there.
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00:07:38.458 --> 00:07:41.669
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And explain to me
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how this bomb
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00:07:41.878 --> 00:07:44.547
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will not land in Israel
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00:07:44.839 --> 00:07:48.342
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and then, literally,
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bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.
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00:07:48.760 --> 00:07:50.302
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Supreme Leader,
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let me explain to you.
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00:07:50.428 --> 00:07:51.512
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You've lost me.
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00:07:53.515 --> 00:07:54.890
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This is the missile
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in Wadiya,
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00:07:55.517 --> 00:07:57.685
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you push the button, "Boop!"
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00:08:01.273 --> 00:08:02.273
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Israel...
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00:08:06.403 --> 00:08:08.946
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"No! Why?"
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Nuclear winter.
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00:08:13.618 --> 00:08:14.702
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The reality is...
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00:08:19.541 --> 00:08:20.541
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Oy vey!
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00:08:22.919 --> 00:08:23.919
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Us.
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00:08:26.506 --> 00:08:29.842
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Believe me, sir, if I could make
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the device even a little more pointy,
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00:08:29.926 --> 00:08:32.428
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I would,
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but I simply cannot.
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00:08:35.515 --> 00:08:37.516
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Okay. You know what?
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00:08:38.518 --> 00:08:40.311
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Let's just agree
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to disagree, my friend.
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00:08:40.645 --> 00:08:41.729
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Okay.
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00:08:43.982 --> 00:08:45.316
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What? Why? No!
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00:08:46.192 --> 00:08:48.402
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- Don't you remember?
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- Of course I remember!
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00:08:48.695 --> 00:08:51.655
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How dare you question my
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memory? I remember everything!
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00:08:51.740 --> 00:08:54.575
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No, I would never do that!
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Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.
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00:08:54.868 --> 00:08:57.286
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Don't worry, it's fine.
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Well done, my friend.
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00:08:57.579 --> 00:08:58.746
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Thank you.
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00:09:00.206 --> 00:09:01.540
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Wait! Wait!
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Where are we going?
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00:09:01.750 --> 00:09:04.752
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Admiral General,
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what if we just tell the United Nations
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00:09:04.836 --> 00:09:06.170
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we have no nuclear weapons?
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00:09:06.254 --> 00:09:07.630
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They will lift
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the sanctions.
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00:09:07.714 --> 00:09:09.965
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We'll be free
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to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.
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00:09:10.050 --> 00:09:11.634
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Uncle Tamir.
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00:09:11.718 --> 00:09:13.927
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Do you not remember
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what my saintly father
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00:09:14.012 --> 00:09:15.888
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made me promise him
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on his deathbed?
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00:09:16.389 --> 00:09:19.558
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It was never
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to sell Wadiya's oil.
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00:09:20.560 --> 00:09:22.603
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You remember that
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was when he gave me power
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00:09:22.687 --> 00:09:24.647
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instead of you,
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the rightful heir.
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00:09:24.898 --> 00:09:26.398
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You've been so cool about it.
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00:09:27.442 --> 00:09:28.776
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Now, let's go back
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to the palace.
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00:09:29.027 --> 00:09:30.235
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It's the season finale
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00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:34.031
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of Real Housewives
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of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!
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00:09:36.201 --> 00:09:38.702
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Aladeen! Aladeen!
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00:09:55.136 --> 00:09:56.762
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Death to the tyrant!
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00:10:07.732 --> 00:10:09.733
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Looks like we need
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to find a new double.
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00:10:10.068 --> 00:10:11.402
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Because this one is...
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00:10:11.736 --> 00:10:14.446
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You know, I don't know
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if he's going to get better.
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00:10:14.781 --> 00:10:16.824
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Oh, he's not going
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to recover, sir. He's dead.
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00:10:17.575 --> 00:10:20.786
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Send his wife some
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chocolate covered almond nuts
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00:10:20.870 --> 00:10:23.789
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in a cellophane wrapped box.
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Delicious.
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00:10:24.165 --> 00:10:27.918
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We're going to send
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your wife some almonds.
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00:10:28.044 --> 00:10:30.212
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Chocolate covered
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versions of these.
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00:10:33.508 --> 00:10:37.344
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Maroush, I think I dropped
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an almond in his head.
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00:10:37.429 --> 00:10:38.846
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Can you take it out?
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00:10:39.514 --> 00:10:42.725
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What I don't want to do is
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send the body to the family
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00:10:42.809 --> 00:10:45.519
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and then they discover
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an almond in his head,
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00:10:45.603 --> 00:10:47.980
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and they say,
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"Why is there an almond in his head?"
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00:10:48.064 --> 00:10:49.231
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|
Take it out.
|
|
|
|
00:10:51.401 --> 00:10:52.526
|
|
Clean it!
|
|
|
|
00:10:53.319 --> 00:10:54.611
|
|
How am I gonna eat that?
|
|
|
|
00:10:57.574 --> 00:10:59.408
|
|
- Don't eat it.
|
|
- Oh, Maroush!
|
|
|
|
00:11:00.535 --> 00:11:02.703
|
|
Listen, everything
|
|
is gonna be just fine.
|
|
|
|
00:11:02.871 --> 00:11:04.580
|
|
I don't want you to
|
|
worry about anything.
|
|
|
|
00:11:05.373 --> 00:11:07.875
|
|
Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
|
|
when I'm speaking to you?
|
|
|
|
00:11:07.959 --> 00:11:11.795
|
|
It's very rude not to look at somebody in
|
|
the eye when they're talking to you.
|
|
|
|
00:11:13.173 --> 00:11:14.882
|
|
It's okay. Don't worry.
|
|
You're having a rough day.
|
|
|
|
00:11:24.976 --> 00:11:27.227
|
|
We shot the wrong man.
|
|
|
|
00:11:27.479 --> 00:11:30.856
|
|
I can fix this. I have a new
|
|
plan. We need to find a new double.
|
|
|
|
00:11:30.940 --> 00:11:33.901
|
|
One that is simple enough to
|
|
be manipulated completely.
|
|
|
|
00:11:48.917 --> 00:11:50.918
|
|
I think we found
|
|
what you are looking for.
|
|
|
|
00:12:00.094 --> 00:12:02.471
|
|
You think this man
|
|
looks like me?
|
|
|
|
00:12:02.931 --> 00:12:05.265
|
|
You have
|
|
a very big barn.
|
|
|
|
00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:09.061
|
|
You must have
|
|
many happy goats, hmm?
|
|
|
|
00:12:09.270 --> 00:12:11.480
|
|
What the fuck
|
|
does that even mean?
|
|
|
|
00:12:12.774 --> 00:12:16.068
|
|
Uncle Tamir,
|
|
this thing is an idiot.
|
|
|
|
00:12:16.277 --> 00:12:18.070
|
|
What makes you think
|
|
he can do the job?
|
|
|
|
00:12:18.404 --> 00:12:22.074
|
|
May I remind you that his only real job is
|
|
to be shot in the head.
|
|
|
|
00:12:22.575 --> 00:12:25.410
|
|
Very well. Put him
|
|
through the process, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:12:26.162 --> 00:12:28.205
|
|
Clip his nails,
|
|
file his teeth,
|
|
|
|
00:12:28.289 --> 00:12:31.083
|
|
bleach his skin,
|
|
and shorten the penis.
|
|
|
|
00:12:35.421 --> 00:12:37.422
|
|
Megan! Megan!
|
|
|
|
00:12:38.591 --> 00:12:40.425
|
|
You now have herpes.
|
|
|
|
00:12:43.263 --> 00:12:45.847
|
|
Megan, you were
|
|
worth every penny.
|
|
|
|
00:12:46.182 --> 00:12:47.683
|
|
You were super hot.
|
|
|
|
00:12:48.017 --> 00:12:49.268
|
|
Is my jet ready?
|
|
|
|
00:12:49.394 --> 00:12:52.437
|
|
Yes, but do you
|
|
want to stay the night?
|
|
|
|
00:12:52.522 --> 00:12:54.273
|
|
You know, I really
|
|
want to do some cuddling.
|
|
|
|
00:12:54.357 --> 00:12:55.524
|
|
No. Your time is up.
|
|
|
|
00:12:55.608 --> 00:12:57.609
|
|
I have to be
|
|
with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.
|
|
|
|
00:12:57.944 --> 00:13:00.320
|
|
Okay. Maroush,
|
|
give the goodie bag!
|
|
|
|
00:13:00.738 --> 00:13:01.738
|
|
Thanks.
|
|
|
|
00:13:01.823 --> 00:13:03.240
|
|
I trust
|
|
everything is in there,
|
|
|
|
00:13:03.324 --> 00:13:05.033
|
|
as your manager requested?
|
|
|
|
00:13:05.118 --> 00:13:07.202
|
|
Katy Perry said she got
|
|
a diamond Rolex.
|
|
|
|
00:13:07.287 --> 00:13:09.955
|
|
That's because she let me
|
|
Aladeen in her face.
|
|
|
|
00:13:12.959 --> 00:13:13.959
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:13:14.043 --> 00:13:16.295
|
|
Right. Are you sure you don't want
|
|
to stay for some cuddles?
|
|
|
|
00:13:16.379 --> 00:13:17.379
|
|
- No.
|
|
- But, please.
|
|
|
|
00:13:17.463 --> 00:13:18.964
|
|
I really want
|
|
someone to cuddle.
|
|
|
|
00:14:22.528 --> 00:14:25.197
|
|
Breaking news now.
|
|
Just moments ago,
|
|
|
|
00:14:25.281 --> 00:14:26.448
|
|
the U.N. Security
|
|
Council voted
|
|
|
|
00:14:26.532 --> 00:14:28.909
|
|
to authorize NATO
|
|
air strikes against Wadiya,
|
|
|
|
00:14:28.993 --> 00:14:33.205
|
|
unless Admiral General Aladeen
|
|
agrees to address the U.N. In person.
|
|
|
|
00:14:33.289 --> 00:14:35.207
|
|
And now, the world waits.
|
|
|
|
00:14:35.291 --> 00:14:36.541
|
|
What will Aladeen do next?
|
|
|
|
00:14:56.938 --> 00:15:01.149
|
|
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring,
|
|
boring. Come on. Come on.
|
|
|
|
00:15:01.234 --> 00:15:04.611
|
|
Beloved Oppressor,
|
|
I have just received disturbing news.
|
|
|
|
00:15:04.696 --> 00:15:07.030
|
|
Welcome
|
|
to the Munich Olympics.
|
|
|
|
00:15:07.532 --> 00:15:08.699
|
|
Shalom?
|
|
|
|
00:15:09.867 --> 00:15:11.034
|
|
Oy vey!
|
|
|
|
00:15:11.285 --> 00:15:12.786
|
|
Supreme Leader,
|
|
|
|
00:15:12.870 --> 00:15:14.162
|
|
the United Nations
|
|
demands that
|
|
|
|
00:15:14.247 --> 00:15:17.541
|
|
you address their concerns
|
|
about our nuclear program,
|
|
|
|
00:15:17.625 --> 00:15:19.793
|
|
or they will vote to
|
|
authorize military action.
|
|
|
|
00:15:20.628 --> 00:15:21.795
|
|
Summon my generals.
|
|
|
|
00:15:22.004 --> 00:15:23.630
|
|
I'll join you after
|
|
I finish this level.
|
|
|
|
00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:25.632
|
|
Bonus round. Mass grave.
|
|
|
|
00:15:38.521 --> 00:15:42.566
|
|
Those gangsters at the UN
|
|
want me to address them.
|
|
|
|
00:15:42.817 --> 00:15:46.611
|
|
Fine! I'll address them like they've
|
|
never been addressed before.
|
|
|
|
00:15:46.821 --> 00:15:48.071
|
|
How much time
|
|
have they allotted me?
|
|
|
|
00:15:48.656 --> 00:15:49.740
|
|
Seven minutes, sir.
|
|
|
|
00:15:49.949 --> 00:15:52.534
|
|
I'll talk for 14 hours!
|
|
|
|
00:15:53.077 --> 00:15:55.746
|
|
And three of those
|
|
will be untranslatable.
|
|
|
|
00:15:55.872 --> 00:15:57.247
|
|
Literally, baby noises.
|
|
|
|
00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:03.545
|
|
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
|
|
Role play, role play.
|
|
|
|
00:16:03.671 --> 00:16:05.672
|
|
You, come on.
|
|
This'll be fun.
|
|
|
|
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.800
|
|
So, Secretary General,
|
|
your soldiers will weep...
|
|
|
|
00:16:10.762 --> 00:16:13.472
|
|
I'm so sorry!
|
|
Listen, it was not my fault.
|
|
|
|
00:16:13.556 --> 00:16:16.099
|
|
I mean, somebody had
|
|
set the safety catch
|
|
|
|
00:16:16.184 --> 00:16:18.018
|
|
to "Aladeen"
|
|
instead of "Aladeen."
|
|
|
|
00:16:18.603 --> 00:16:20.353
|
|
Look, I mean,
|
|
this whole gun...
|
|
|
|
00:16:21.731 --> 00:16:23.523
|
|
It's gonna be fine.
|
|
You just need to ice it.
|
|
|
|
00:16:23.858 --> 00:16:25.066
|
|
You got to ice.
|
|
|
|
00:16:25.485 --> 00:16:26.735
|
|
Promise me
|
|
you're going to ice?
|
|
|
|
00:16:26.986 --> 00:16:28.111
|
|
Okay. Tamir!
|
|
|
|
00:16:28.863 --> 00:16:30.614
|
|
Inflate my neck pillow
|
|
|
|
00:16:30.698 --> 00:16:34.075
|
|
and pack my book
|
|
of medium-level Sudoku.
|
|
|
|
00:16:34.577 --> 00:16:37.329
|
|
We're going to America!
|
|
|
|
00:17:04.106 --> 00:17:05.482
|
|
America!
|
|
|
|
00:17:05.858 --> 00:17:09.069
|
|
The birthplace of AIDS.
|
|
|
|
00:17:12.824 --> 00:17:17.244
|
|
Supreme Leader, I took the liberty
|
|
of hiring some extra security.
|
|
|
|
00:17:17.328 --> 00:17:18.829
|
|
This is Mr. Clayton.
|
|
|
|
00:17:18.913 --> 00:17:22.040
|
|
Admiral General,
|
|
I am here for your protection 24/7.
|
|
|
|
00:17:22.124 --> 00:17:23.208
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:17:23.292 --> 00:17:26.878
|
|
But in the interest of full disclosure, I
|
|
have to say I hate A-rabs.
|
|
|
|
00:17:27.755 --> 00:17:29.881
|
|
Well, that's fine,
|
|
because I'm not an Arab.
|
|
|
|
00:17:30.591 --> 00:17:33.927
|
|
Well, you're
|
|
all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,
|
|
|
|
00:17:34.011 --> 00:17:36.763
|
|
those blue tree-hugging
|
|
queers in A-vatar.
|
|
|
|
00:17:39.267 --> 00:17:42.769
|
|
In fact, anyone from outside of
|
|
America is technically an A-rab.
|
|
|
|
00:17:43.896 --> 00:17:45.021
|
|
Listen, while you're here,
|
|
|
|
00:17:45.106 --> 00:17:48.400
|
|
I highly recommend a visit
|
|
to the Empire State Building,
|
|
|
|
00:17:48.484 --> 00:17:51.570
|
|
before you or one of your
|
|
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.
|
|
|
|
00:17:52.238 --> 00:17:55.699
|
|
Also, if you're interested in taking
|
|
in a Broadway show while you're here,
|
|
|
|
00:17:55.950 --> 00:17:57.492
|
|
and you don't mind
|
|
the homo stuff,
|
|
|
|
00:17:57.785 --> 00:17:59.828
|
|
I highly recommend
|
|
Billy Elliot.
|
|
|
|
00:18:00.913 --> 00:18:03.415
|
|
You know what, I like this guy
|
|
despite his liberal views.
|
|
|
|
00:18:03.499 --> 00:18:04.708
|
|
Very good, sir.
|
|
|
|
00:18:09.797 --> 00:18:13.592
|
|
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
|
|
renovated to your specifications.
|
|
|
|
00:18:19.098 --> 00:18:22.267
|
|
Twenty dollars a day
|
|
for Internet? What the fuck?
|
|
|
|
00:18:23.603 --> 00:18:27.314
|
|
And they accuse me
|
|
of being an international criminal?
|
|
|
|
00:18:28.774 --> 00:18:30.567
|
|
Beloved Oppressor,
|
|
try to get some sleep.
|
|
|
|
00:18:30.651 --> 00:18:32.277
|
|
Tomorrow is
|
|
your big speech.
|
|
|
|
00:18:32.486 --> 00:18:35.363
|
|
Nobody touch the minibar!
|
|
It's a fucking rip-off!
|
|
|
|
00:18:55.176 --> 00:18:56.927
|
|
Rise and shine.
|
|
|
|
00:18:58.179 --> 00:18:59.179
|
|
Who are you?
|
|
|
|
00:18:59.639 --> 00:19:01.848
|
|
We've actually
|
|
already met.
|
|
|
|
00:19:02.433 --> 00:19:03.516
|
|
Hello, Aladdin.
|
|
|
|
00:19:04.018 --> 00:19:05.769
|
|
Clayton? I thought
|
|
we were friends.
|
|
|
|
00:19:07.021 --> 00:19:08.355
|
|
Nice to see you, too.
|
|
|
|
00:19:09.857 --> 00:19:11.024
|
|
Here's the deal.
|
|
|
|
00:19:11.150 --> 00:19:13.360
|
|
I'm gonna kill you,
|
|
and then I'm gonna burn your body.
|
|
|
|
00:19:13.527 --> 00:19:14.569
|
|
No, no, no.
|
|
Please, don't.
|
|
|
|
00:19:14.654 --> 00:19:18.823
|
|
But before I do I have
|
|
one very important question for you.
|
|
|
|
00:19:19.575 --> 00:19:21.576
|
|
Did you get a chance
|
|
to see Billy Elliot?
|
|
|
|
00:19:23.162 --> 00:19:24.162
|
|
Yes.
|
|
|
|
00:19:24.288 --> 00:19:25.372
|
|
And?
|
|
|
|
00:19:25.581 --> 00:19:28.208
|
|
I found it heartwarming
|
|
and life-affirming.
|
|
|
|
00:19:29.627 --> 00:19:32.045
|
|
Thank you!
|
|
How great is that show?
|
|
|
|
00:19:32.213 --> 00:19:33.630
|
|
It is.
|
|
It's great, yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:19:33.714 --> 00:19:36.216
|
|
You know, he's got like
|
|
an artist inside himself,
|
|
|
|
00:19:36.425 --> 00:19:40.053
|
|
but he's in this working class place
|
|
and no one understands him.
|
|
|
|
00:19:40.137 --> 00:19:43.139
|
|
He's just like...
|
|
I'm gonna express myself in my dance.
|
|
|
|
00:19:43.307 --> 00:19:44.641
|
|
And he expresses himself...
|
|
|
|
00:19:45.393 --> 00:19:48.770
|
|
And he doesn't wanna use violence,
|
|
but he puts his violence into his dance.
|
|
|
|
00:19:49.063 --> 00:19:50.146
|
|
You should try that.
|
|
|
|
00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:54.651
|
|
Okay. So, we gotta get down
|
|
to business. Enough chit-chat.
|
|
|
|
00:19:54.735 --> 00:19:56.236
|
|
I'm being paid to kill you.
|
|
|
|
00:19:56.570 --> 00:19:58.029
|
|
But I'm gonna
|
|
torture you for free.
|
|
|
|
00:20:02.868 --> 00:20:04.160
|
|
Are you serious?
|
|
|
|
00:20:04.412 --> 00:20:05.578
|
|
Where'd you get
|
|
those relics?
|
|
|
|
00:20:05.663 --> 00:20:08.248
|
|
From the Shah of Iran's
|
|
garage sale?
|
|
|
|
00:20:08.666 --> 00:20:09.666
|
|
Yeah, right.
|
|
|
|
00:20:09.750 --> 00:20:11.167
|
|
I mean, I know there's
|
|
nothing more annoying
|
|
|
|
00:20:11.252 --> 00:20:12.752
|
|
than a backseat torturer,
|
|
but, please, come on.
|
|
|
|
00:20:13.087 --> 00:20:14.421
|
|
This is great stuff.
|
|
|
|
00:20:14.505 --> 00:20:17.924
|
|
It's not great stuff.
|
|
That's like 1972, hello.
|
|
|
|
00:20:19.677 --> 00:20:23.179
|
|
You won't be talking
|
|
so much smack with this up your butt.
|
|
|
|
00:20:23.764 --> 00:20:26.850
|
|
That's the Anal Umbrella.
|
|
It's a good device, I grant you,
|
|
|
|
00:20:26.934 --> 00:20:28.852
|
|
but where's
|
|
the splash guard?
|
|
|
|
00:20:28.936 --> 00:20:30.895
|
|
You're going to kill me
|
|
and your white shirt.
|
|
|
|
00:20:31.230 --> 00:20:32.939
|
|
It didn't come
|
|
with a splash guard.
|
|
|
|
00:20:33.024 --> 00:20:35.025
|
|
You're gonna get chara
|
|
on your trousers.
|
|
|
|
00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:37.193
|
|
I can see it has
|
|
a screw hole for one.
|
|
|
|
00:20:37.278 --> 00:20:38.695
|
|
Apparently,
|
|
I didn't get it.
|
|
|
|
00:20:39.238 --> 00:20:41.072
|
|
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,
|
|
|
|
00:20:41.282 --> 00:20:43.366
|
|
check out this bad boy.
|
|
|
|
00:20:43.451 --> 00:20:45.910
|
|
Oh, that's not bad.
|
|
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.
|
|
|
|
00:20:45.995 --> 00:20:47.370
|
|
Okay, so, now
|
|
we're getting somewhere.
|
|
|
|
00:20:47.455 --> 00:20:50.290
|
|
It's actually been banned in Saudi
|
|
Arabia for being too safe.
|
|
|
|
00:20:51.417 --> 00:20:53.793
|
|
You know,
|
|
this is totally depressing.
|
|
|
|
00:20:54.086 --> 00:20:55.462
|
|
Listen, just show me
|
|
another one.
|
|
|
|
00:20:55.546 --> 00:20:58.298
|
|
You know, honestly, I don't even want
|
|
to show you anything anymore.
|
|
|
|
00:20:59.008 --> 00:21:00.300
|
|
Don't be like that.
|
|
|
|
00:21:00.843 --> 00:21:02.802
|
|
You know, I don't even think
|
|
you want to be tortured.
|
|
|
|
00:21:02.887 --> 00:21:04.220
|
|
I don't want
|
|
to be tortured.
|
|
|
|
00:21:04.305 --> 00:21:05.555
|
|
You're just, like,
|
|
taking all the fun out of it!
|
|
|
|
00:21:05.639 --> 00:21:07.807
|
|
You just want me to say
|
|
compliments all the time.
|
|
|
|
00:21:07.975 --> 00:21:10.810
|
|
So either you want the truth
|
|
or you want compliments. Decide!
|
|
|
|
00:21:11.020 --> 00:21:14.397
|
|
It'd be nice if I got just a little bit
|
|
of positive feedback about my tools.
|
|
|
|
00:21:14.523 --> 00:21:16.357
|
|
What else you got?
|
|
I'm gonna love the next thing!
|
|
|
|
00:21:16.442 --> 00:21:17.567
|
|
I will be supportive.
|
|
|
|
00:21:17.818 --> 00:21:19.152
|
|
All right.
|
|
|
|
00:21:19.695 --> 00:21:22.030
|
|
Just this. This pours
|
|
hot fire out on you.
|
|
|
|
00:21:22.281 --> 00:21:24.199
|
|
Oh,
|
|
the Fallujah Firehose!
|
|
|
|
00:21:24.283 --> 00:21:26.034
|
|
Someone's got
|
|
a friend in Syria!
|
|
|
|
00:21:26.118 --> 00:21:27.577
|
|
I am pretty proud of it.
|
|
|
|
00:21:27.661 --> 00:21:29.245
|
|
There is a new model,
|
|
you know.
|
|
|
|
00:21:30.456 --> 00:21:31.790
|
|
I've got one that
|
|
works by Bluetooth.
|
|
|
|
00:21:33.751 --> 00:21:35.418
|
|
Screw it. Screw it!
|
|
Screw it!
|
|
|
|
00:21:35.753 --> 00:21:37.045
|
|
I'm going to enjoy this now.
|
|
|
|
00:21:37.129 --> 00:21:38.880
|
|
No, don't. Don't.
|
|
Don't. Please, don't!
|
|
|
|
00:21:46.889 --> 00:21:50.308
|
|
No one will recognize
|
|
the body without this!
|
|
|
|
00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:52.811
|
|
The Supreme Beard!
|
|
You will be cursed!
|
|
|
|
00:21:52.937 --> 00:21:54.020
|
|
No, no, don't do it!
|
|
|
|
00:21:54.104 --> 00:21:55.897
|
|
Come on!
|
|
Why won't this catch?
|
|
|
|
00:21:55.981 --> 00:21:59.818
|
|
You foolish man! There is no earthly
|
|
fire that could ever light...
|
|
|
|
00:22:01.278 --> 00:22:04.113
|
|
The flames
|
|
of the righteous attack the unjust!
|
|
|
|
00:22:13.457 --> 00:22:16.876
|
|
I'll be back with help!
|
|
J. K.! Just kidding!
|
|
|
|
00:22:22.049 --> 00:22:23.716
|
|
My speech.
|
|
|
|
00:22:25.386 --> 00:22:28.555
|
|
Yo!
|
|
Average American shopper!
|
|
|
|
00:22:29.098 --> 00:22:30.723
|
|
I do not have
|
|
any money on me,
|
|
|
|
00:22:30.975 --> 00:22:32.183
|
|
but if you give me
|
|
your clothes
|
|
|
|
00:22:32.268 --> 00:22:35.395
|
|
I'll make a sizeable donation
|
|
in your name to al-Qaeda.
|
|
|
|
00:22:40.693 --> 00:22:47.615
|
|
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
|
|
Aladeen has got to go!
|
|
|
|
00:22:49.285 --> 00:22:51.286
|
|
Hello. I am
|
|
Admiral General Aladeen.
|
|
|
|
00:22:51.370 --> 00:22:53.580
|
|
I am here to
|
|
deliver my speech to the United Nations.
|
|
|
|
00:22:53.664 --> 00:22:55.498
|
|
Look, Admiral,
|
|
it's too hot for crazy.
|
|
|
|
00:22:55.749 --> 00:22:56.791
|
|
How dare you?
|
|
|
|
00:22:56.959 --> 00:22:59.002
|
|
Listen, Tamir is
|
|
coming right now.
|
|
|
|
00:22:59.253 --> 00:23:01.421
|
|
You're going to
|
|
be in big trouble. Here he is.
|
|
|
|
00:23:01.881 --> 00:23:03.214
|
|
Tamir! Tamir!
|
|
|
|
00:23:12.224 --> 00:23:14.350
|
|
Tamir, it was you, you snake!
|
|
|
|
00:23:16.228 --> 00:23:19.898
|
|
He's not the
|
|
legitimate leader!
|
|
|
|
00:23:19.982 --> 00:23:21.816
|
|
He's not
|
|
the legitimate leader!
|
|
|
|
00:23:21.901 --> 00:23:25.153
|
|
He's not the
|
|
legitimate leader!
|
|
|
|
00:23:26.655 --> 00:23:29.490
|
|
You have rehearsed the
|
|
speech I prepared for you?
|
|
|
|
00:23:29.575 --> 00:23:32.577
|
|
Yes. But when is
|
|
the General coming?
|
|
|
|
00:23:32.828 --> 00:23:33.995
|
|
He's feeling ill.
|
|
|
|
00:23:34.246 --> 00:23:36.331
|
|
Does he have worms in his shilshul?
|
|
|
|
00:23:36.415 --> 00:23:37.582
|
|
Very possibly.
|
|
|
|
00:23:38.167 --> 00:23:40.668
|
|
Admiral General Aladeen
|
|
preparing
|
|
|
|
00:23:40.753 --> 00:23:42.837
|
|
to address the General
|
|
Assembly of the United Nations.
|
|
|
|
00:23:42.922 --> 00:23:43.922
|
|
An historic moment.
|
|
|
|
00:23:44.006 --> 00:23:45.673
|
|
He's approaching the podium.
|
|
|
|
00:23:46.008 --> 00:23:48.259
|
|
And he's walked
|
|
right past the podium.
|
|
|
|
00:23:48.427 --> 00:23:49.427
|
|
What is he doing?
|
|
|
|
00:23:49.845 --> 00:23:51.846
|
|
You are making
|
|
a fool out of me!
|
|
|
|
00:23:52.181 --> 00:23:54.182
|
|
Let's bring in Denise,
|
|
our U. N. Correspondent.
|
|
|
|
00:23:54.266 --> 00:23:55.475
|
|
What do you make of that?
|
|
|
|
00:23:56.268 --> 00:23:58.186
|
|
Well, I have to say,
|
|
he's got their attention.
|
|
|
|
00:23:58.520 --> 00:24:00.688
|
|
Every eye in the room
|
|
is on him right now.
|
|
|
|
00:24:00.773 --> 00:24:03.191
|
|
And he's returning
|
|
to the podium.
|
|
|
|
00:24:04.109 --> 00:24:05.860
|
|
And he's fallen
|
|
off the stage.
|
|
|
|
00:24:05.945 --> 00:24:07.612
|
|
What do you make
|
|
of that, Denise?
|
|
|
|
00:24:07.863 --> 00:24:12.533
|
|
You know, he's clearly implying that the
|
|
U. N. Must fall before him.
|
|
|
|
00:24:12.952 --> 00:24:15.453
|
|
Drinking from the
|
|
pitcher of water directly,
|
|
|
|
00:24:15.537 --> 00:24:18.081
|
|
as opposed to
|
|
the glass that I'm sure must be up there.
|
|
|
|
00:24:18.165 --> 00:24:19.207
|
|
What do you think
|
|
that means?
|
|
|
|
00:24:19.291 --> 00:24:21.334
|
|
Again, it's another
|
|
attempt to say,
|
|
|
|
00:24:21.418 --> 00:24:23.628
|
|
"Listen, I'm not going
|
|
to play by your rules."
|
|
|
|
00:24:23.712 --> 00:24:25.380
|
|
And he seems to have
|
|
a pitcher of urine out.
|
|
|
|
00:24:25.881 --> 00:24:28.132
|
|
I believe he just
|
|
urinated in the pitcher.
|
|
|
|
00:24:29.885 --> 00:24:31.552
|
|
He is now drinking
|
|
his urine.
|
|
|
|
00:24:31.804 --> 00:24:33.471
|
|
It looks to be
|
|
his own urine.
|
|
|
|
00:24:34.014 --> 00:24:35.264
|
|
Sorry. You want?
|
|
|
|
00:24:35.516 --> 00:24:37.850
|
|
Trying to force it
|
|
on the Israeli delegation.
|
|
|
|
00:24:38.435 --> 00:24:39.852
|
|
That might be
|
|
the ambassador.
|
|
|
|
00:24:40.270 --> 00:24:43.940
|
|
He is dumping the urine
|
|
on the Israeli delegation.
|
|
|
|
00:24:44.191 --> 00:24:45.441
|
|
Oh, that's a good one.
|
|
|
|
00:24:47.277 --> 00:24:49.112
|
|
Okay, he's returning
|
|
to the podium.
|
|
|
|
00:24:49.613 --> 00:24:54.033
|
|
Much has been made
|
|
of the hostility between our countries.
|
|
|
|
00:24:54.535 --> 00:24:56.869
|
|
With the help
|
|
of the U.M.,
|
|
|
|
00:24:57.121 --> 00:25:00.540
|
|
I will draft a new
|
|
constitution for Wadiya
|
|
|
|
00:25:00.874 --> 00:25:05.878
|
|
and sign it in five days,
|
|
on Wadiya's Independence Day.
|
|
|
|
00:25:06.213 --> 00:25:07.213
|
|
No, no, no.
|
|
|
|
00:25:07.464 --> 00:25:09.215
|
|
This new constitution
|
|
|
|
00:25:09.466 --> 00:25:11.092
|
|
will end the dictatorship...
|
|
|
|
00:25:11.176 --> 00:25:12.176
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
00:25:12.261 --> 00:25:15.722
|
|
...and it will
|
|
turn Wadiya into a
|
|
|
|
00:25:16.223 --> 00:25:17.557
|
|
democracy.
|
|
|
|
00:25:20.477 --> 00:25:22.895
|
|
No! Democracy? Never!
|
|
|
|
00:25:23.647 --> 00:25:24.981
|
|
Never!
|
|
|
|
00:25:26.150 --> 00:25:29.235
|
|
The Wadiyan people
|
|
love being oppressed!
|
|
|
|
00:25:30.070 --> 00:25:32.530
|
|
Dictatorship forever!
|
|
|
|
00:25:39.872 --> 00:25:41.372
|
|
Come on! Come with me!
|
|
|
|
00:25:42.166 --> 00:25:43.207
|
|
Hurry!
|
|
|
|
00:25:48.547 --> 00:25:50.882
|
|
Hello, person. Person.
|
|
|
|
00:25:51.133 --> 00:25:52.467
|
|
Black person.
|
|
|
|
00:25:53.135 --> 00:25:54.802
|
|
The double that
|
|
you found is good.
|
|
|
|
00:25:54.887 --> 00:25:56.637
|
|
He is almost as dumb
|
|
as the real guy.
|
|
|
|
00:25:56.889 --> 00:25:59.390
|
|
So, Wadiya will
|
|
become a democracy.
|
|
|
|
00:25:59.892 --> 00:26:02.060
|
|
China is a democracy,
|
|
too.
|
|
|
|
00:26:04.063 --> 00:26:05.772
|
|
Once that constitution
|
|
is signed,
|
|
|
|
00:26:05.856 --> 00:26:09.067
|
|
I will be able
|
|
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,
|
|
|
|
00:26:09.401 --> 00:26:11.694
|
|
you will have control of
|
|
Wadiya's southern oil fields.
|
|
|
|
00:26:11.779 --> 00:26:13.571
|
|
B. P., you will
|
|
control the north.
|
|
|
|
00:26:13.655 --> 00:26:15.073
|
|
Exxon, you will have
|
|
all offshore rights,
|
|
|
|
00:26:15.157 --> 00:26:17.408
|
|
provided you do not
|
|
use B. P.'s drilling rigs.
|
|
|
|
00:26:17.493 --> 00:26:21.496
|
|
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will
|
|
have the lease on our shale reserves.
|
|
|
|
00:26:21.580 --> 00:26:23.539
|
|
Some of those reserves are
|
|
in densely populated areas.
|
|
|
|
00:26:23.916 --> 00:26:26.250
|
|
Then unpopulate them.
|
|
|
|
00:26:26.752 --> 00:26:29.629
|
|
After you've paid me
|
|
my 30% finder's fee, of course.
|
|
|
|
00:26:30.089 --> 00:26:31.422
|
|
Gentlemen.
|
|
|
|
00:26:33.258 --> 00:26:35.426
|
|
So, you're going
|
|
to make billions.
|
|
|
|
00:26:35.511 --> 00:26:37.512
|
|
What will you do
|
|
with all those dollars?
|
|
|
|
00:26:37.971 --> 00:26:41.641
|
|
I will buy the house on Lake Como
|
|
next to George Clooney's.
|
|
|
|
00:26:41.892 --> 00:26:43.810
|
|
I love George Clooney!
|
|
|
|
00:26:44.144 --> 00:26:45.937
|
|
He's an old-fashioned
|
|
movie star.
|
|
|
|
00:26:46.021 --> 00:26:47.814
|
|
He gay?
|
|
He suck my dick?
|
|
|
|
00:26:48.607 --> 00:26:52.276
|
|
No, those are just rumors.
|
|
Are you a homosexual?
|
|
|
|
00:26:52.528 --> 00:26:55.113
|
|
No, no, no, it's more
|
|
of a power trip with me.
|
|
|
|
00:26:55.197 --> 00:26:56.739
|
|
Everybody has a price.
|
|
|
|
00:26:56.824 --> 00:26:59.909
|
|
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my
|
|
fingers for two hundred grand!
|
|
|
|
00:27:07.209 --> 00:27:09.794
|
|
Oh, my gosh,
|
|
that was so crazy!
|
|
|
|
00:27:10.129 --> 00:27:12.296
|
|
I am so honored
|
|
to be able to help you.
|
|
|
|
00:27:12.548 --> 00:27:14.549
|
|
Finally, somebody
|
|
who knows who I am.
|
|
|
|
00:27:14.800 --> 00:27:16.050
|
|
Yeah, of course!
|
|
|
|
00:27:16.135 --> 00:27:19.804
|
|
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
|
|
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.
|
|
|
|
00:27:20.305 --> 00:27:21.806
|
|
It was so brave of you.
|
|
|
|
00:27:22.057 --> 00:27:24.142
|
|
- My name is Zoey.
|
|
- I don't care.
|
|
|
|
00:27:24.351 --> 00:27:25.351
|
|
What's yours?
|
|
|
|
00:27:25.644 --> 00:27:28.312
|
|
My name is Ala... son.
|
|
|
|
00:27:28.814 --> 00:27:30.648
|
|
- Allison?
|
|
- Right. Allison.
|
|
|
|
00:27:30.983 --> 00:27:32.817
|
|
What's your last name?
|
|
|
|
00:27:35.737 --> 00:27:37.071
|
|
Burgers.
|
|
|
|
00:27:38.073 --> 00:27:39.907
|
|
Nice to meet you,
|
|
Allison Burgers.
|
|
|
|
00:27:39.992 --> 00:27:41.701
|
|
- You know, I...
|
|
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
|
|
|
|
00:27:42.369 --> 00:27:46.122
|
|
Allison, could you
|
|
please take your hands off my breasts?
|
|
|
|
00:27:46.498 --> 00:27:48.541
|
|
Those are breasts?
|
|
I thought you were a boy.
|
|
|
|
00:27:52.087 --> 00:27:54.755
|
|
- Where are you taking me to?
|
|
- To Brooklyn!
|
|
|
|
00:28:04.183 --> 00:28:06.309
|
|
So, yeah,
|
|
this is my store!
|
|
|
|
00:28:06.393 --> 00:28:07.852
|
|
This is the Free
|
|
Earth Collective.
|
|
|
|
00:28:08.103 --> 00:28:11.439
|
|
We are a vegan, feminist,
|
|
non-profit cooperative operating
|
|
|
|
00:28:11.523 --> 00:28:13.774
|
|
within an anti-racist,
|
|
anti-oppressive framework
|
|
|
|
00:28:13.859 --> 00:28:15.526
|
|
for people of
|
|
all or no genders.
|
|
|
|
00:28:16.778 --> 00:28:18.946
|
|
We are
|
|
a pure democracy,
|
|
|
|
00:28:19.031 --> 00:28:21.115
|
|
just like Wadiya's
|
|
going to be soon!
|
|
|
|
00:28:21.450 --> 00:28:23.159
|
|
Get me clothes,
|
|
little man.
|
|
|
|
00:28:23.452 --> 00:28:25.203
|
|
Oh, you know what, there's some in
|
|
the Earthquake Relief box
|
|
|
|
00:28:25.287 --> 00:28:26.829
|
|
in the lesbian bathroom,
|
|
right there.
|
|
|
|
00:28:26.914 --> 00:28:28.122
|
|
Right.
|
|
|
|
00:28:29.208 --> 00:28:31.626
|
|
So, Allison,
|
|
we're the only store in New York,
|
|
|
|
00:28:31.710 --> 00:28:33.920
|
|
other than that fascist
|
|
superchain Green World,
|
|
|
|
00:28:34.004 --> 00:28:36.005
|
|
that sells your nation's
|
|
specialty fruit, mafroom,
|
|
|
|
00:28:36.465 --> 00:28:38.549
|
|
which I know
|
|
you people eat a lot of.
|
|
|
|
00:28:38.884 --> 00:28:40.676
|
|
Oh, I hope that didn't come off
|
|
like a cultural stereotype.
|
|
|
|
00:28:40.761 --> 00:28:43.221
|
|
Because I'm, like,
|
|
the furthest thing from a racist.
|
|
|
|
00:28:43.513 --> 00:28:46.182
|
|
I pretty much haven't
|
|
had a white boyfriend since high school.
|
|
|
|
00:28:46.433 --> 00:28:48.226
|
|
Well, the darker races
|
|
are less choosy.
|
|
|
|
00:28:49.853 --> 00:28:51.854
|
|
Okay, that came off
|
|
as kind of offensive.
|
|
|
|
00:28:52.105 --> 00:28:53.439
|
|
Thank you.
|
|
|
|
00:28:54.775 --> 00:28:56.692
|
|
Anyway, let me give
|
|
you the grand tour.
|
|
|
|
00:28:56.777 --> 00:28:59.612
|
|
Up on the roof,
|
|
we have this amazing organic garden...
|
|
|
|
00:28:59.947 --> 00:29:02.448
|
|
Boring! Do you sell
|
|
any assault rifles?
|
|
|
|
00:29:02.866 --> 00:29:05.534
|
|
Oh, wait. I got it.
|
|
Humor. Right?
|
|
|
|
00:29:05.786 --> 00:29:08.287
|
|
I took a feminist
|
|
clown workshop once.
|
|
|
|
00:29:08.538 --> 00:29:10.581
|
|
Help! Help! I'm trapped
|
|
under a glass ceiling!
|
|
|
|
00:29:10.958 --> 00:29:12.583
|
|
What the fuck?
|
|
|
|
00:29:12.918 --> 00:29:14.835
|
|
I wasn't the best
|
|
student, but...
|
|
|
|
00:29:14.962 --> 00:29:17.380
|
|
We've got this wellness center
|
|
downstairs in the basement,
|
|
|
|
00:29:17.506 --> 00:29:20.758
|
|
where we do water birth.
|
|
Have you ever seen a water birth?
|
|
|
|
00:29:21.176 --> 00:29:23.386
|
|
Not a water birth,
|
|
but I've seen a water death.
|
|
|
|
00:29:23.637 --> 00:29:25.137
|
|
Wow. Was it moving?
|
|
|
|
00:29:25.597 --> 00:29:27.181
|
|
There was actually
|
|
very little movement.
|
|
|
|
00:29:27.307 --> 00:29:30.309
|
|
A little wriggling,
|
|
then two bubbles, and then a big bloop
|
|
|
|
00:29:30.477 --> 00:29:31.686
|
|
and the wallet floats up.
|
|
|
|
00:29:33.271 --> 00:29:34.563
|
|
You seem educated.
|
|
|
|
00:29:34.815 --> 00:29:36.440
|
|
Yes.
|
|
I went to Amherst.
|
|
|
|
00:29:36.858 --> 00:29:38.776
|
|
I love it when
|
|
women go to school.
|
|
|
|
00:29:38.860 --> 00:29:41.862
|
|
It's like seeing
|
|
a monkey on rollerskates.
|
|
|
|
00:29:42.114 --> 00:29:45.116
|
|
It means nothing to them,
|
|
but it's so adorable for us.
|
|
|
|
00:29:45.701 --> 00:29:47.618
|
|
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,
|
|
|
|
00:29:47.703 --> 00:29:50.955
|
|
you know, we'd love to have you work
|
|
here if you ever wanted to.
|
|
|
|
00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:55.209
|
|
All of our employees
|
|
are political refugees, just like you!
|
|
|
|
00:29:55.419 --> 00:29:56.460
|
|
There's Hannah over here.
|
|
|
|
00:29:56.586 --> 00:30:00.464
|
|
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
|
|
useful member of our team.
|
|
|
|
00:30:03.051 --> 00:30:05.553
|
|
Useful as what?
|
|
A coat hanger?
|
|
|
|
00:30:06.805 --> 00:30:08.639
|
|
- Come on.
|
|
- Allison, that's not funny.
|
|
|
|
00:30:08.974 --> 00:30:11.976
|
|
Okay. I tell you what,
|
|
get back to work, Captain Hook!
|
|
|
|
00:30:12.310 --> 00:30:14.478
|
|
- "Captain Hook." It's funny.
|
|
- No, it's not funny.
|
|
|
|
00:30:14.730 --> 00:30:15.730
|
|
Who's that?
|
|
|
|
00:30:15.981 --> 00:30:16.981
|
|
Oh, this is Joteph.
|
|
|
|
00:30:17.065 --> 00:30:19.483
|
|
He's from a Sudanese tribe
|
|
that has no concept of money.
|
|
|
|
00:30:19.735 --> 00:30:21.986
|
|
His entire village
|
|
was ransacked.
|
|
|
|
00:30:22.237 --> 00:30:23.320
|
|
Hey, Sub-Saharan!
|
|
|
|
00:30:24.573 --> 00:30:28.159
|
|
Do you think you could get me 100
|
|
child soldiers here by 5:00 p. M?
|
|
|
|
00:30:28.243 --> 00:30:29.285
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
00:30:29.369 --> 00:30:30.661
|
|
Okay. Time out! Time out.
|
|
|
|
00:30:30.746 --> 00:30:31.954
|
|
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
|
|
|
|
00:30:32.247 --> 00:30:33.914
|
|
Shave your under-the-arms!
|
|
|
|
00:30:34.249 --> 00:30:37.084
|
|
I dread to think what kind of jungle
|
|
you have on your malawach!
|
|
|
|
00:30:37.419 --> 00:30:38.919
|
|
That is very inappropriate.
|
|
|
|
00:30:39.087 --> 00:30:41.922
|
|
Don't tell me what
|
|
to say and what not to say, little boy.
|
|
|
|
00:30:42.090 --> 00:30:44.258
|
|
You need to put
|
|
that finger away.
|
|
|
|
00:30:44.342 --> 00:30:45.718
|
|
I won't put my
|
|
finger away because...
|
|
|
|
00:30:45.802 --> 00:30:47.303
|
|
Look, I've got
|
|
two fingers now.
|
|
|
|
00:30:47.387 --> 00:30:48.429
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:30:48.513 --> 00:30:52.099
|
|
If you do not stop using hateful
|
|
language, you cannot work here.
|
|
|
|
00:30:52.517 --> 00:30:54.477
|
|
All right. I promise.
|
|
|
|
00:30:54.561 --> 00:30:55.770
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:30:57.189 --> 00:30:59.774
|
|
I tricked you,
|
|
Wolverina.
|
|
|
|
00:31:01.109 --> 00:31:03.778
|
|
Justin Bieber's
|
|
chubby double!
|
|
|
|
00:31:06.031 --> 00:31:07.865
|
|
Hairy Potter!
|
|
|
|
00:31:15.791 --> 00:31:17.458
|
|
Good-bye, old friend.
|
|
|
|
00:31:24.591 --> 00:31:25.966
|
|
When will the Supreme
|
|
Leader be better?
|
|
|
|
00:31:26.051 --> 00:31:27.093
|
|
In time.
|
|
|
|
00:31:27.260 --> 00:31:31.597
|
|
He's resting in his bedroom
|
|
and must never, ever be disturbed.
|
|
|
|
00:31:32.015 --> 00:31:33.516
|
|
Time for bed.
|
|
|
|
00:31:37.687 --> 00:31:40.856
|
|
Being Aladeen has its perks,
|
|
does it not?
|
|
|
|
00:31:44.111 --> 00:31:45.694
|
|
Dropped your belt.
|
|
|
|
00:32:01.795 --> 00:32:03.170
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
00:32:03.255 --> 00:32:04.463
|
|
She tried to milk me!
|
|
|
|
00:32:04.714 --> 00:32:05.714
|
|
No.
|
|
|
|
00:32:05.966 --> 00:32:08.134
|
|
They are trying
|
|
to pleasure you.
|
|
|
|
00:32:08.301 --> 00:32:11.053
|
|
Allow the girls to use
|
|
their many talents.
|
|
|
|
00:32:20.689 --> 00:32:21.730
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
00:32:21.815 --> 00:32:24.316
|
|
Supreme Leader!
|
|
The girls!
|
|
|
|
00:32:24.651 --> 00:32:27.319
|
|
Girls, show him
|
|
your bosoms.
|
|
|
|
00:32:53.221 --> 00:32:56.849
|
|
Let me in! I have
|
|
85 rooms at this hotel!
|
|
|
|
00:32:56.933 --> 00:32:59.018
|
|
It's me, Admiral
|
|
General Aladeen!
|
|
|
|
00:32:59.102 --> 00:33:00.394
|
|
I lost my beard!
|
|
|
|
00:33:00.979 --> 00:33:02.104
|
|
You don't got a pass,
|
|
you don't get in.
|
|
|
|
00:33:02.189 --> 00:33:05.524
|
|
But I'm staying here! I paid twenty
|
|
dollars for the fucking Internet!
|
|
|
|
00:33:06.318 --> 00:33:09.195
|
|
How much do you charge
|
|
for assassinations?
|
|
|
|
00:33:29.633 --> 00:33:31.634
|
|
Why is this
|
|
happening to me?
|
|
|
|
00:33:32.552 --> 00:33:35.888
|
|
All I ever did was
|
|
steal my country's wealth
|
|
|
|
00:33:36.348 --> 00:33:39.391
|
|
and execute anybody
|
|
who did not agree with me,
|
|
|
|
00:33:40.018 --> 00:33:41.143
|
|
and many who did.
|
|
|
|
00:33:41.811 --> 00:33:42.895
|
|
Why me?
|
|
|
|
00:33:43.313 --> 00:33:47.024
|
|
Why is it always
|
|
the good guys? Why?
|
|
|
|
00:33:54.032 --> 00:33:55.241
|
|
Nadal?
|
|
|
|
00:34:41.621 --> 00:34:43.622
|
|
Welcome to
|
|
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.
|
|
|
|
00:34:44.332 --> 00:34:47.084
|
|
Wait. You look
|
|
very familiar.
|
|
|
|
00:34:47.460 --> 00:34:48.752
|
|
Do I know you?
|
|
|
|
00:34:51.172 --> 00:34:53.632
|
|
Sorry.
|
|
|
|
00:34:54.009 --> 00:34:55.217
|
|
So sorry, Supreme Leader.
|
|
|
|
00:34:55.427 --> 00:34:57.219
|
|
Don't worry.
|
|
I'm 50% to blame.
|
|
|
|
00:34:59.889 --> 00:35:02.099
|
|
No! No! Supreme Leader!
|
|
|
|
00:35:02.976 --> 00:35:04.935
|
|
Definitely not.
|
|
I must be going.
|
|
|
|
00:35:05.020 --> 00:35:06.145
|
|
No, no. Stay, please.
|
|
|
|
00:35:06.438 --> 00:35:08.564
|
|
If you hate Aladeen
|
|
and you like good food,
|
|
|
|
00:35:08.648 --> 00:35:11.650
|
|
this is the place for you.
|
|
This way. Here we go.
|
|
|
|
00:35:26.416 --> 00:35:27.666
|
|
Enjoy it.
|
|
|
|
00:35:31.338 --> 00:35:32.629
|
|
No! No!
|
|
|
|
00:35:48.188 --> 00:35:49.355
|
|
For you.
|
|
|
|
00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:51.815
|
|
What is your name?
|
|
|
|
00:35:52.233 --> 00:35:53.442
|
|
Allison Burgers.
|
|
|
|
00:35:54.235 --> 00:35:56.987
|
|
That's a made-up name.
|
|
What's your real name?
|
|
|
|
00:36:00.700 --> 00:36:01.742
|
|
Ladis.
|
|
|
|
00:36:02.035 --> 00:36:03.077
|
|
Ladis what?
|
|
|
|
00:36:03.495 --> 00:36:05.371
|
|
Ladis Washerum.
|
|
|
|
00:36:09.167 --> 00:36:11.585
|
|
So your name
|
|
is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"?
|
|
|
|
00:36:11.669 --> 00:36:13.379
|
|
That is a made-up name.
|
|
|
|
00:36:13.755 --> 00:36:15.297
|
|
What is your real name?
|
|
|
|
00:36:15.507 --> 00:36:18.509
|
|
I am interested.
|
|
We are interested.
|
|
|
|
00:36:22.555 --> 00:36:23.764
|
|
Emploice.
|
|
|
|
00:36:24.182 --> 00:36:25.432
|
|
Emploice what?
|
|
|
|
00:36:25.725 --> 00:36:28.185
|
|
Emploice... Muswashans.
|
|
|
|
00:36:30.772 --> 00:36:32.272
|
|
That is a made-up name.
|
|
|
|
00:36:34.567 --> 00:36:35.692
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:36:35.777 --> 00:36:37.903
|
|
What is your real name?
|
|
|
|
00:36:38.571 --> 00:36:39.863
|
|
Max.
|
|
|
|
00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:41.240
|
|
Max what?
|
|
|
|
00:36:41.449 --> 00:36:45.202
|
|
Imumoccupancyu
|
|
One-hundred-and-twenty.
|
|
|
|
00:36:48.248 --> 00:36:50.499
|
|
There's a number in the name?
|
|
|
|
00:36:50.583 --> 00:36:53.210
|
|
Who are you?
|
|
An Aladeen sympathizer?
|
|
|
|
00:36:53.420 --> 00:36:56.171
|
|
No, no, no!
|
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!
|
|
|
|
00:36:56.256 --> 00:36:57.256
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
00:36:57.340 --> 00:36:59.758
|
|
It's Aladeen!
|
|
It's Aladeen without the beard!
|
|
|
|
00:37:00.135 --> 00:37:01.885
|
|
No! It's not Aladeen!
|
|
|
|
00:37:02.762 --> 00:37:03.804
|
|
Hasan, lock the door!
|
|
|
|
00:37:06.891 --> 00:37:09.351
|
|
Wait, wait, wait, no!
|
|
There you are, cousin!
|
|
|
|
00:37:09.811 --> 00:37:12.146
|
|
This is my cousin.
|
|
I see you've all met him.
|
|
|
|
00:37:12.355 --> 00:37:15.149
|
|
He's very simple
|
|
and backwards. I'm sorry.
|
|
|
|
00:37:15.233 --> 00:37:16.358
|
|
- Sorry.
|
|
- It's okay, sit.
|
|
|
|
00:37:16.443 --> 00:37:17.776
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
- Sit and eat.
|
|
|
|
00:37:18.319 --> 00:37:19.611
|
|
Have a seat, cousin.
|
|
|
|
00:37:20.238 --> 00:37:22.614
|
|
Very sorry.
|
|
My apologies. Enjoy.
|
|
|
|
00:37:22.824 --> 00:37:25.909
|
|
What are you doing here?
|
|
And what has happened to your beard?
|
|
|
|
00:37:26.369 --> 00:37:29.538
|
|
I've been replaced by this body
|
|
double who's a total imbecile.
|
|
|
|
00:37:29.664 --> 00:37:31.290
|
|
How are you alive?
|
|
|
|
00:37:31.458 --> 00:37:34.126
|
|
How am I... Wait.
|
|
You don't know?
|
|
|
|
00:37:34.210 --> 00:37:35.335
|
|
No.
|
|
|
|
00:37:35.420 --> 00:37:38.797
|
|
Every single person
|
|
you had executed is still alive.
|
|
|
|
00:37:39.215 --> 00:37:41.216
|
|
We all live here
|
|
in Little Wadiya.
|
|
|
|
00:37:41.301 --> 00:37:43.760
|
|
The executioner, he is
|
|
a member of the Resistance!
|
|
|
|
00:37:44.137 --> 00:37:45.345
|
|
You mean I never
|
|
executed anybody?
|
|
|
|
00:37:45.430 --> 00:37:46.472
|
|
No.
|
|
|
|
00:37:46.556 --> 00:37:48.557
|
|
Like, honestly, zero people.
|
|
|
|
00:37:50.393 --> 00:37:54.396
|
|
Nadal, you must help me
|
|
get back into power.
|
|
|
|
00:37:54.480 --> 00:37:56.315
|
|
What? No.
|
|
Why would I do that?
|
|
|
|
00:37:56.399 --> 00:37:58.775
|
|
I have a perfectly
|
|
good job here. I'm a Mac Genius!
|
|
|
|
00:37:59.611 --> 00:38:01.612
|
|
What do you do?
|
|
|
|
00:38:03.656 --> 00:38:06.950
|
|
Mostly, I clean
|
|
semen out of laptops.
|
|
|
|
00:38:08.203 --> 00:38:10.204
|
|
Congratulations.
|
|
Living the American dream.
|
|
|
|
00:38:10.747 --> 00:38:13.415
|
|
Okay, fine. I will help you.
|
|
On one condition.
|
|
|
|
00:38:13.499 --> 00:38:14.750
|
|
Name it.
|
|
|
|
00:38:14.834 --> 00:38:16.460
|
|
You reinstate me
|
|
as Head of Nuclear Research,
|
|
|
|
00:38:17.337 --> 00:38:18.837
|
|
so I can finish
|
|
building my bomb.
|
|
|
|
00:38:19.214 --> 00:38:20.214
|
|
Deal.
|
|
|
|
00:38:20.423 --> 00:38:22.674
|
|
One last thing.
|
|
|
|
00:38:22.967 --> 00:38:25.427
|
|
You will let me build
|
|
a round nuclear weapon.
|
|
|
|
00:38:25.845 --> 00:38:28.013
|
|
Never. It must be pointy.
|
|
|
|
00:38:28.556 --> 00:38:30.682
|
|
- Wait a minute. This is...
|
|
- Whoa.
|
|
|
|
00:38:31.893 --> 00:38:34.478
|
|
Okay, compromise. Conical.
|
|
|
|
00:38:34.562 --> 00:38:36.313
|
|
- Round. Round.
|
|
- Teat-shaped.
|
|
|
|
00:38:37.398 --> 00:38:38.649
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:38:38.816 --> 00:38:40.275
|
|
- Okay. Deal.
|
|
- Deal.
|
|
|
|
00:38:43.613 --> 00:38:45.447
|
|
Ladies and gentlemen
|
|
of the press,
|
|
|
|
00:38:45.531 --> 00:38:48.742
|
|
our Supreme Leader
|
|
is indisposed to answer your questions
|
|
|
|
00:38:49.035 --> 00:38:52.746
|
|
as he is currently
|
|
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,
|
|
|
|
00:38:53.039 --> 00:38:55.082
|
|
which is scheduled
|
|
to be signed
|
|
|
|
00:38:55.166 --> 00:38:58.252
|
|
at the Lancaster Penthouse
|
|
Ballroom in three days.
|
|
|
|
00:38:58.336 --> 00:39:00.003
|
|
Thank you.
|
|
No further questions.
|
|
|
|
00:39:13.935 --> 00:39:16.478
|
|
There is no way we're going to
|
|
get anywhere near this hotel
|
|
|
|
00:39:16.562 --> 00:39:18.939
|
|
without a security pass.
|
|
This is ridiculous.
|
|
|
|
00:39:19.691 --> 00:39:21.358
|
|
- Wait.
|
|
- What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
00:39:21.609 --> 00:39:23.610
|
|
Hiding from that
|
|
lesbian hobbit.
|
|
|
|
00:39:24.112 --> 00:39:25.195
|
|
That woman,
|
|
you know her?
|
|
|
|
00:39:25.571 --> 00:39:27.406
|
|
I cannot begin to tell you
|
|
what an honor it is
|
|
|
|
00:39:27.490 --> 00:39:29.366
|
|
to be able to provide
|
|
all of the catering...
|
|
|
|
00:39:29.450 --> 00:39:30.742
|
|
Well, of course.
|
|
|
|
00:39:30.827 --> 00:39:32.119
|
|
...and the mafroom
|
|
for this signing.
|
|
|
|
00:39:32.203 --> 00:39:33.870
|
|
You just paid
|
|
this month's rent!
|
|
|
|
00:39:34.080 --> 00:39:35.998
|
|
She offered me a job.
|
|
|
|
00:39:36.082 --> 00:39:38.834
|
|
Can you imagine that?
|
|
Me? Working?
|
|
|
|
00:39:39.002 --> 00:39:42.379
|
|
Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only
|
|
thing that'll get you past security.
|
|
|
|
00:39:42.463 --> 00:39:43.422
|
|
Okay, thanks.
|
|
|
|
00:39:43.506 --> 00:39:44.965
|
|
Wait a minute.
|
|
|
|
00:39:45.300 --> 00:39:49.177
|
|
Wait, her company is catering the
|
|
event. She has a security pass!
|
|
|
|
00:39:49.387 --> 00:39:51.555
|
|
That is the answer.
|
|
This is the plan.
|
|
|
|
00:39:51.639 --> 00:39:54.141
|
|
Okay? You will take that
|
|
job and you will work for her.
|
|
|
|
00:39:54.475 --> 00:39:57.311
|
|
I will get you
|
|
an identical beard and costume.
|
|
|
|
00:39:57.520 --> 00:39:58.812
|
|
And then on
|
|
the day of the event,
|
|
|
|
00:39:58.896 --> 00:40:01.982
|
|
you enter the Lancaster
|
|
as a member of her staff.
|
|
|
|
00:40:02.066 --> 00:40:04.067
|
|
You will find the double,
|
|
switch with him,
|
|
|
|
00:40:04.152 --> 00:40:06.611
|
|
then rip up the constitution
|
|
in front of the whole world.
|
|
|
|
00:40:07.071 --> 00:40:10.282
|
|
Me? Work for that
|
|
hairy titted yeti?
|
|
|
|
00:40:27.342 --> 00:40:28.383
|
|
Kimberly?
|
|
|
|
00:40:29.218 --> 00:40:30.218
|
|
Zoey.
|
|
|
|
00:40:30.428 --> 00:40:31.511
|
|
Who cares?
|
|
|
|
00:40:31.971 --> 00:40:34.514
|
|
I've come here
|
|
to apologize
|
|
|
|
00:40:34.891 --> 00:40:38.185
|
|
about some of the comments
|
|
I may have made about
|
|
|
|
00:40:38.353 --> 00:40:40.312
|
|
Captain Hook and Blackie.
|
|
|
|
00:40:42.273 --> 00:40:43.273
|
|
Great!
|
|
|
|
00:40:43.649 --> 00:40:45.901
|
|
And I accept your job offer
|
|
as general manager.
|
|
|
|
00:40:45.985 --> 00:40:48.028
|
|
Well, you can't be the manager,
|
|
because I am the manager.
|
|
|
|
00:40:48.363 --> 00:40:49.488
|
|
Well, I can
|
|
if I killed you.
|
|
|
|
00:40:52.241 --> 00:40:54.242
|
|
I think I'm starting
|
|
to get you.
|
|
|
|
00:40:54.327 --> 00:40:56.453
|
|
All right, then...
|
|
I will get you.
|
|
|
|
00:40:57.372 --> 00:40:59.039
|
|
Great!
|
|
Let's get you to work!
|
|
|
|
00:40:59.540 --> 00:41:01.124
|
|
Yeah?
|
|
Hold on one second.
|
|
|
|
00:41:01.376 --> 00:41:04.002
|
|
Hey, my man!
|
|
Excuse me. Hairnet!
|
|
|
|
00:41:04.128 --> 00:41:05.128
|
|
Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:41:05.671 --> 00:41:08.131
|
|
I need a little of the
|
|
quinoa salad, please,
|
|
|
|
00:41:08.341 --> 00:41:11.134
|
|
and throw a couple of
|
|
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,
|
|
|
|
00:41:11.344 --> 00:41:14.137
|
|
and I kind of need you
|
|
to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.
|
|
|
|
00:41:17.266 --> 00:41:18.266
|
|
Next!
|
|
|
|
00:41:20.228 --> 00:41:22.145
|
|
Whoa, whoa!
|
|
Occupied!
|
|
|
|
00:41:22.230 --> 00:41:24.523
|
|
Out. I have to clean.
|
|
Come on, out you go, out you go.
|
|
|
|
00:41:24.607 --> 00:41:25.899
|
|
- What? You're hurting me!
|
|
- Out. Come on.
|
|
|
|
00:41:26.275 --> 00:41:29.403
|
|
Hey, Allison,
|
|
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.
|
|
|
|
00:41:36.494 --> 00:41:39.955
|
|
Look! One of the
|
|
customers left a tip of
|
|
|
|
00:41:40.248 --> 00:41:44.626
|
|
some Nair and some female razors.
|
|
Does anybody want to use it?
|
|
|
|
00:41:49.966 --> 00:41:51.091
|
|
Stop that.
|
|
|
|
00:41:52.093 --> 00:41:53.385
|
|
Suck it, loser.
|
|
|
|
00:42:00.309 --> 00:42:01.726
|
|
Clean-up on aisle four!
|
|
|
|
00:42:14.449 --> 00:42:16.032
|
|
Hey, buddy, I saw that.
|
|
|
|
00:42:16.117 --> 00:42:18.452
|
|
That is very disrespectful
|
|
to your leader.
|
|
|
|
00:42:18.661 --> 00:42:19.744
|
|
Whatever, dude.
|
|
Who are you,
|
|
|
|
00:42:19.829 --> 00:42:22.289
|
|
Osama bin Laden's
|
|
best friend?
|
|
|
|
00:42:22.457 --> 00:42:25.000
|
|
No, he is not
|
|
my best friend!
|
|
|
|
00:42:25.209 --> 00:42:26.877
|
|
Though he has been staying
|
|
in my guest house
|
|
|
|
00:42:26.961 --> 00:42:29.045
|
|
ever since they shot
|
|
his double last year.
|
|
|
|
00:42:30.214 --> 00:42:31.965
|
|
Now the guy won't leave.
|
|
|
|
00:42:32.049 --> 00:42:34.259
|
|
I know why this guy's
|
|
the most hated man in the world.
|
|
|
|
00:42:34.343 --> 00:42:36.344
|
|
You just have to go
|
|
to the bathroom after him.
|
|
|
|
00:42:36.471 --> 00:42:38.388
|
|
You go to the bathroom
|
|
after Osama,
|
|
|
|
00:42:38.473 --> 00:42:41.224
|
|
you will realize
|
|
the true meaning of terrorism.
|
|
|
|
00:43:00.536 --> 00:43:01.703
|
|
Here is the plan.
|
|
|
|
00:43:01.787 --> 00:43:03.538
|
|
We're going to take
|
|
this helicopter tour
|
|
|
|
00:43:03.623 --> 00:43:06.082
|
|
and fly over
|
|
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.
|
|
|
|
00:43:06.417 --> 00:43:10.003
|
|
Remember, we're just two
|
|
ordinary American tourists
|
|
|
|
00:43:10.338 --> 00:43:12.339
|
|
looking at the sights.
|
|
|
|
00:43:12.548 --> 00:43:15.842
|
|
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
|
|
anything. It's a great plan, pointy.
|
|
|
|
00:43:16.302 --> 00:43:17.802
|
|
Don't do anything
|
|
to arouse any suspicions.
|
|
|
|
00:43:17.887 --> 00:43:20.722
|
|
Don't worry.
|
|
I am Wadiya's number one actor.
|
|
|
|
00:43:20.806 --> 00:43:23.475
|
|
You don't win four
|
|
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
|
|
|
|
00:43:23.559 --> 00:43:25.894
|
|
Yes, you do,
|
|
because you gave them to yourself!
|
|
|
|
00:43:26.354 --> 00:43:29.064
|
|
My performance in
|
|
Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom
|
|
|
|
00:43:29.148 --> 00:43:30.190
|
|
was outstanding.
|
|
|
|
00:43:30.274 --> 00:43:31.650
|
|
I give it thumbs down.
|
|
|
|
00:43:31.734 --> 00:43:33.443
|
|
Have you seen
|
|
You've Got Mail Bomb?
|
|
|
|
00:43:33.945 --> 00:43:36.404
|
|
Yes, I've seen them all!
|
|
They're all terrible movies!
|
|
|
|
00:43:36.489 --> 00:43:37.864
|
|
Listen to me. Okay?
|
|
|
|
00:43:38.241 --> 00:43:40.033
|
|
You are a terrible actor.
|
|
|
|
00:43:40.117 --> 00:43:44.246
|
|
I urge you, right now,
|
|
keep your performance small and real.
|
|
|
|
00:43:44.330 --> 00:43:46.248
|
|
All right, can you
|
|
get me a cloak?
|
|
|
|
00:43:46.332 --> 00:43:47.332
|
|
Why?
|
|
|
|
00:43:47.416 --> 00:43:49.167
|
|
Because I think
|
|
my guy would be wearing a cloak.
|
|
|
|
00:43:49.252 --> 00:43:53.463
|
|
No, your guy wears an American flag
|
|
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.
|
|
|
|
00:43:53.548 --> 00:43:54.548
|
|
I need the sheriff's badge.
|
|
|
|
00:43:54.632 --> 00:43:56.049
|
|
For what?
|
|
|
|
00:43:56.133 --> 00:43:57.425
|
|
You're sheriff
|
|
of American douche-town!
|
|
|
|
00:43:58.177 --> 00:43:59.177
|
|
That's rude.
|
|
|
|
00:43:59.262 --> 00:44:00.262
|
|
Listen.
|
|
|
|
00:44:00.346 --> 00:44:04.224
|
|
We're going to walk over
|
|
there, act very inconspicuous.
|
|
|
|
00:44:04.684 --> 00:44:05.725
|
|
- Okay. No problem.
|
|
- This has to work.
|
|
|
|
00:44:05.851 --> 00:44:07.519
|
|
Don't worry.
|
|
Just relax.
|
|
|
|
00:44:10.189 --> 00:44:11.273
|
|
Are you okay?
|
|
|
|
00:44:11.691 --> 00:44:12.691
|
|
My guy has a limp.
|
|
|
|
00:44:13.192 --> 00:44:16.278
|
|
I fell off me horse
|
|
at the old Bull & Bush Pub
|
|
|
|
00:44:16.362 --> 00:44:17.529
|
|
because
|
|
I am a cockney.
|
|
|
|
00:44:17.697 --> 00:44:18.863
|
|
Listen! Listen, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:44:19.031 --> 00:44:21.741
|
|
You need to focus up right now
|
|
and be prepared
|
|
|
|
00:44:21.909 --> 00:44:24.119
|
|
to deliver a small,
|
|
subtle performance.
|
|
|
|
00:44:24.203 --> 00:44:25.620
|
|
- Okay, great, okay.
|
|
- Okay, good.
|
|
|
|
00:44:25.705 --> 00:44:27.247
|
|
Okay. So, when
|
|
we go to fly...
|
|
|
|
00:44:27.331 --> 00:44:28.999
|
|
Don't do that
|
|
with your eyes!
|
|
|
|
00:44:29.083 --> 00:44:30.750
|
|
You can't be
|
|
a Chinese person on this thing, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:44:30.835 --> 00:44:32.127
|
|
I'm not chink,
|
|
I'm Chinese-American!
|
|
|
|
00:44:32.211 --> 00:44:33.295
|
|
No, but you cannot
|
|
hold your eyes!
|
|
|
|
00:44:33.379 --> 00:44:34.588
|
|
Nobody is going to think
|
|
you're Chinese-American
|
|
|
|
00:44:34.672 --> 00:44:35.630
|
|
because you hold
|
|
your eyes like that!
|
|
|
|
00:44:35.715 --> 00:44:37.173
|
|
It's racist,
|
|
what you are doing!
|
|
|
|
00:44:37.258 --> 00:44:39.801
|
|
Do you know it's a fact
|
|
that they cannot pronounce their R's?
|
|
|
|
00:44:39.885 --> 00:44:41.052
|
|
They pronounce them
|
|
as L's.
|
|
|
|
00:44:41.137 --> 00:44:43.013
|
|
So instead you know
|
|
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?
|
|
|
|
00:44:43.097 --> 00:44:44.222
|
|
I don't know
|
|
how to speak Chinese.
|
|
|
|
00:44:44.307 --> 00:44:46.516
|
|
- It's "labbit."
|
|
- It's not "labbit"!
|
|
|
|
00:44:46.601 --> 00:44:49.227
|
|
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
|
|
was a huge hit in China!
|
|
|
|
00:44:49.312 --> 00:44:50.312
|
|
Nobody...
|
|
It's stup...
|
|
|
|
00:44:50.396 --> 00:44:51.438
|
|
All right, I don't care.
|
|
This is stupid, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:44:51.814 --> 00:44:54.482
|
|
Okay, I'll do Filipino.
|
|
I like to work, I like to talk.
|
|
|
|
00:44:54.567 --> 00:44:55.817
|
|
- Don't.
|
|
- I like the shit, I do the kids.
|
|
|
|
00:44:55.901 --> 00:44:56.901
|
|
Stop that.
|
|
|
|
00:44:57.737 --> 00:45:00.488
|
|
Your Filipino
|
|
is the same as your Chinese!
|
|
|
|
00:45:01.032 --> 00:45:02.365
|
|
Now who's being a lacist?
|
|
|
|
00:45:03.075 --> 00:45:04.909
|
|
- You're being lacist now.
|
|
- I'm not being racist!
|
|
|
|
00:45:04.994 --> 00:45:06.661
|
|
Right now we have to
|
|
get on this helicopter
|
|
|
|
00:45:06.829 --> 00:45:08.913
|
|
and we have to act
|
|
like true Americans.
|
|
|
|
00:45:09.081 --> 00:45:10.790
|
|
I guess you don't want me
|
|
to play black then.
|
|
|
|
00:45:11.292 --> 00:45:13.251
|
|
Of course I don't want you
|
|
to play black.
|
|
|
|
00:45:13.377 --> 00:45:15.086
|
|
Okay. Just throwing it
|
|
out there.
|
|
|
|
00:45:15.212 --> 00:45:16.755
|
|
Okay. Don't.
|
|
|
|
00:45:18.007 --> 00:45:19.090
|
|
Okay, don't do that.
|
|
|
|
00:45:19.216 --> 00:45:21.092
|
|
- I see what you're doing.
|
|
- That's how they walk.
|
|
|
|
00:45:21.177 --> 00:45:22.135
|
|
I see what you're doing,
|
|
it's not cool.
|
|
|
|
00:45:22.261 --> 00:45:23.261
|
|
It's how they walk.
|
|
|
|
00:45:36.942 --> 00:45:39.069
|
|
I love being
|
|
an Americans!
|
|
|
|
00:45:39.570 --> 00:45:41.654
|
|
America is number one!
|
|
|
|
00:45:42.448 --> 00:45:44.449
|
|
Oh, I am from U.S.A.!
|
|
|
|
00:45:44.533 --> 00:45:46.910
|
|
My father also
|
|
from U.S.A.
|
|
|
|
00:45:47.536 --> 00:45:51.373
|
|
My great-grandfather fought
|
|
in the American Civil Jihad.
|
|
|
|
00:45:52.458 --> 00:45:54.709
|
|
I am very proud
|
|
to be an American.
|
|
|
|
00:45:54.794 --> 00:45:57.420
|
|
I am America's
|
|
number one douche.
|
|
|
|
00:46:00.841 --> 00:46:02.759
|
|
I've fooled them. Job done.
|
|
|
|
00:46:03.552 --> 00:46:06.388
|
|
So, how are things back at the Palace?
|
|
|
|
00:46:06.889 --> 00:46:10.600
|
|
Fine, but guess
|
|
who's still living in my guest house?
|
|
|
|
00:46:11.644 --> 00:46:12.644
|
|
Ooh, Bin Laden?
|
|
|
|
00:46:14.063 --> 00:46:15.355
|
|
Yes, Osama.
|
|
|
|
00:46:15.439 --> 00:46:18.066
|
|
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
|
|
every time he showers...
|
|
|
|
00:46:18.150 --> 00:46:22.028
|
|
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
|
|
down, Bin Laden?
|
|
|
|
00:46:24.031 --> 00:46:27.033
|
|
Hey, do you remember
|
|
my favorite sports car?
|
|
|
|
00:46:27.118 --> 00:46:28.660
|
|
You mean your Porsche?
|
|
|
|
00:46:28.744 --> 00:46:30.245
|
|
Yes... the 911.
|
|
|
|
00:46:30.329 --> 00:46:32.747
|
|
911, it's the best!
|
|
|
|
00:46:33.374 --> 00:46:37.335
|
|
So I was driving my 911 near the
|
|
palace one day...
|
|
|
|
00:46:37.420 --> 00:46:39.629
|
|
and I totally crashed!
|
|
|
|
00:46:43.759 --> 00:46:46.010
|
|
It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.
|
|
|
|
00:46:46.095 --> 00:46:49.013
|
|
A brand new 9112012.
|
|
|
|
00:46:51.475 --> 00:46:54.352
|
|
You know, while you are here, you
|
|
should try to see some of the sights...
|
|
|
|
00:46:54.437 --> 00:46:57.564
|
|
such as the Empire State Building...
|
|
|
|
00:46:57.648 --> 00:47:00.525
|
|
and Yankee Stadium.
|
|
|
|
00:47:00.609 --> 00:47:05.196
|
|
And I'd love to see the fireworks
|
|
over the Statue of Liberty.
|
|
|
|
00:47:10.161 --> 00:47:12.370
|
|
Hey, have your old back problems been
|
|
bothering you?
|
|
|
|
00:47:12.455 --> 00:47:16.166
|
|
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
|
|
I made myself a back brace.
|
|
|
|
00:47:16.250 --> 00:47:20.795
|
|
- Really?
|
|
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.
|
|
|
|
00:47:22.465 --> 00:47:24.841
|
|
Hey, my English is getting good...
|
|
|
|
00:47:24.925 --> 00:47:28.553
|
|
...I bet I can count down from five
|
|
faster than you can!
|
|
|
|
00:47:28.888 --> 00:47:30.805
|
|
Five, four,
|
|
three, two, one!
|
|
|
|
00:47:36.687 --> 00:47:38.521
|
|
Allison! Are you okay?
|
|
|
|
00:47:38.606 --> 00:47:40.064
|
|
I... Yes.
|
|
|
|
00:47:40.149 --> 00:47:42.775
|
|
You know what?
|
|
You people, you make me sick!
|
|
|
|
00:47:42.860 --> 00:47:45.320
|
|
You see a Middle Easterner
|
|
on an aircraft
|
|
|
|
00:47:45.404 --> 00:47:48.448
|
|
and you just assume
|
|
that he's hatching some violent plot?
|
|
|
|
00:47:48.532 --> 00:47:53.077
|
|
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
|
|
dissident, not a murderous madman!
|
|
|
|
00:47:53.162 --> 00:47:55.997
|
|
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
|
|
the guards at the Lancaster."
|
|
|
|
00:47:56.081 --> 00:47:58.541
|
|
Guess what?
|
|
We deliver to the Lancaster!
|
|
|
|
00:47:58.626 --> 00:47:59.626
|
|
Good one!
|
|
|
|
00:47:59.710 --> 00:48:02.795
|
|
Maybe he wanted to
|
|
take the guards out for a falafel!
|
|
|
|
00:48:02.880 --> 00:48:04.130
|
|
That's a bit
|
|
of a stereotype,
|
|
|
|
00:48:04.215 --> 00:48:07.342
|
|
but I get the idea.
|
|
Great idea! Yeah. You...
|
|
|
|
00:48:07.426 --> 00:48:10.428
|
|
You know what?
|
|
Is it a crime to care about your job?
|
|
|
|
00:48:10.513 --> 00:48:11.679
|
|
Yeah! Well,
|
|
it is in Wadiya.
|
|
|
|
00:48:12.306 --> 00:48:15.266
|
|
Where did you get your diversity
|
|
and sensitivity training, huh?
|
|
|
|
00:48:15.351 --> 00:48:16.559
|
|
The Stasi?
|
|
|
|
00:48:16.644 --> 00:48:20.647
|
|
Let's see how you feel about racial
|
|
profiling when white people...
|
|
|
|
00:48:33.244 --> 00:48:34.786
|
|
And I know
|
|
what I'm talking about
|
|
|
|
00:48:34.870 --> 00:48:37.413
|
|
because I majored
|
|
in Fem Lit!
|
|
|
|
00:48:38.249 --> 00:48:39.457
|
|
Come on.
|
|
|
|
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:42.794
|
|
Hey! What are you doing?
|
|
Where are you going?
|
|
|
|
00:48:42.878 --> 00:48:43.878
|
|
Don't worry!
|
|
|
|
00:48:43.963 --> 00:48:46.047
|
|
Just suck the fatoot
|
|
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.
|
|
|
|
00:48:46.131 --> 00:48:47.131
|
|
You're really
|
|
fucking me here, man!
|
|
|
|
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:51.469
|
|
The police here
|
|
are such fascists!
|
|
|
|
00:48:51.554 --> 00:48:52.679
|
|
Yeah, right,
|
|
and not in a good way.
|
|
|
|
00:48:52.763 --> 00:48:54.389
|
|
It just makes me so mad!
|
|
|
|
00:48:54.473 --> 00:48:57.225
|
|
You know, Zoey,
|
|
you were great back there.
|
|
|
|
00:48:57.309 --> 00:48:58.935
|
|
Thanks. I just...
|
|
|
|
00:48:59.562 --> 00:49:01.104
|
|
I don't know,
|
|
I just feel so sorry
|
|
|
|
00:49:01.188 --> 00:49:02.564
|
|
that wherever
|
|
you go in the world,
|
|
|
|
00:49:02.648 --> 00:49:04.315
|
|
you're the victim
|
|
of police abuse.
|
|
|
|
00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:05.483
|
|
Well, not always the victim.
|
|
|
|
00:49:05.651 --> 00:49:09.946
|
|
Come here.
|
|
I'm just so sorry! You're okay now.
|
|
|
|
00:49:10.197 --> 00:49:11.281
|
|
All right?
|
|
|
|
00:49:11.365 --> 00:49:13.741
|
|
And I'm not gonna
|
|
let anything bad happen to you.
|
|
|
|
00:49:13.826 --> 00:49:15.535
|
|
You know what? Let's get you
|
|
back to the collective, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:49:16.328 --> 00:49:17.287
|
|
Come on.
|
|
|
|
00:49:17.371 --> 00:49:18.371
|
|
No, a bit more.
|
|
|
|
00:49:18.998 --> 00:49:20.290
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:49:20.958 --> 00:49:22.959
|
|
- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work.
|
|
- I feel so sad!
|
|
|
|
00:49:24.628 --> 00:49:25.712
|
|
Let's do another hug, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:49:25.838 --> 00:49:27.505
|
|
Allison, why are you sad?
|
|
|
|
00:49:28.674 --> 00:49:30.008
|
|
The brutality?
|
|
|
|
00:49:30.301 --> 00:49:32.093
|
|
Did you suffer
|
|
from sexual abuse?
|
|
|
|
00:49:32.177 --> 00:49:35.305
|
|
Yes, they raped me in
|
|
a very unprofessional way.
|
|
|
|
00:49:36.682 --> 00:49:38.641
|
|
Oh, no.
|
|
We have to get you to the Rape Center.
|
|
|
|
00:49:38.726 --> 00:49:40.560
|
|
You have a center
|
|
for rape here?
|
|
|
|
00:49:40.644 --> 00:49:42.895
|
|
Great! I'd love to go!
|
|
Maybe another time, you know.
|
|
|
|
00:49:42.980 --> 00:49:46.274
|
|
Hire a limo, have some
|
|
cocktails, bring my raping shoes.
|
|
|
|
00:49:54.950 --> 00:49:56.326
|
|
Can you get me that one?
|
|
|
|
00:49:57.536 --> 00:49:58.536
|
|
Which one?
|
|
|
|
00:49:59.121 --> 00:50:00.788
|
|
The one with
|
|
the "fuck-me hooves."
|
|
|
|
00:50:01.582 --> 00:50:03.833
|
|
You're bizzare. I'm going to have
|
|
to change the channels now.
|
|
|
|
00:50:04.293 --> 00:50:07.086
|
|
...tour from hell
|
|
for an Ohio couple earlier today when,
|
|
|
|
00:50:07.254 --> 00:50:08.463
|
|
...with shades of 9l11,
|
|
|
|
00:50:08.547 --> 00:50:11.591
|
|
their helicopter tour
|
|
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short
|
|
|
|
00:50:11.675 --> 00:50:15.803
|
|
by what police are now
|
|
calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"
|
|
|
|
00:50:15.888 --> 00:50:19.724
|
|
involving a man named
|
|
Emer Gencyexitonly.
|
|
|
|
00:50:20.517 --> 00:50:21.517
|
|
Etra.
|
|
|
|
00:50:23.228 --> 00:50:24.395
|
|
We have a problem.
|
|
|
|
00:50:29.401 --> 00:50:31.819
|
|
Hannah, that guy from the
|
|
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,
|
|
|
|
00:50:31.904 --> 00:50:33.696
|
|
so why don't you take
|
|
the mafroom downstairs
|
|
|
|
00:50:33.781 --> 00:50:35.782
|
|
and make some sort of
|
|
a nice display?
|
|
|
|
00:50:35.908 --> 00:50:38.451
|
|
I just want everything
|
|
to be perfect.
|
|
|
|
00:50:39.078 --> 00:50:40.161
|
|
Zoey?
|
|
|
|
00:50:40.245 --> 00:50:41.412
|
|
Allison. Hi.
|
|
|
|
00:50:41.580 --> 00:50:44.165
|
|
To thank you for what you did
|
|
today at the police station,
|
|
|
|
00:50:44.249 --> 00:50:46.501
|
|
I have decided to
|
|
bestow upon you a gift.
|
|
|
|
00:50:46.877 --> 00:50:49.212
|
|
- That's sweet. What is it?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:50:56.595 --> 00:50:59.263
|
|
I don't know
|
|
what that is.
|
|
|
|
00:50:59.431 --> 00:51:02.141
|
|
It's fine.
|
|
Please, gobble up my little mouse.
|
|
|
|
00:51:02.935 --> 00:51:04.185
|
|
Snack on my
|
|
tiny raisin.
|
|
|
|
00:51:04.436 --> 00:51:05.895
|
|
Give her
|
|
a mouth bath. Go.
|
|
|
|
00:51:07.940 --> 00:51:09.899
|
|
Oh! No!
|
|
|
|
00:51:10.943 --> 00:51:13.444
|
|
No, I am not
|
|
going to do that.
|
|
|
|
00:51:13.779 --> 00:51:15.988
|
|
I'm getting a lot of this
|
|
and not much of this...
|
|
|
|
00:51:19.618 --> 00:51:21.828
|
|
Listen, I understand
|
|
that you're having urges, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:51:21.912 --> 00:51:22.954
|
|
Right.
|
|
|
|
00:51:23.038 --> 00:51:25.623
|
|
But you need to
|
|
take care of them by yourself.
|
|
|
|
00:51:25.916 --> 00:51:27.750
|
|
Myself? What? How?
|
|
|
|
00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:29.544
|
|
You need to
|
|
touch yourself.
|
|
|
|
00:51:29.711 --> 00:51:32.380
|
|
I don't touch myself.
|
|
Do you touch yourself?
|
|
|
|
00:51:32.756 --> 00:51:35.007
|
|
I think most
|
|
healthy people do, yes.
|
|
|
|
00:51:35.092 --> 00:51:38.428
|
|
Yeah, you touch your own
|
|
malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!
|
|
|
|
00:51:38.512 --> 00:51:39.595
|
|
Yuck!
|
|
|
|
00:51:39.847 --> 00:51:43.266
|
|
Stop joking, all right?
|
|
You've never jerked off?
|
|
|
|
00:51:45.269 --> 00:51:46.853
|
|
Okay, come with me.
|
|
|
|
00:51:46.937 --> 00:51:48.938
|
|
Where are you taking me to?
|
|
The Rape Center?
|
|
|
|
00:51:52.985 --> 00:51:54.485
|
|
This is silly.
|
|
|
|
00:51:54.820 --> 00:51:56.154
|
|
Okay...
|
|
|
|
00:51:56.655 --> 00:51:59.574
|
|
Take your penis out
|
|
and put it in your hands.
|
|
|
|
00:51:59.658 --> 00:52:00.700
|
|
This is silly.
|
|
|
|
00:52:02.661 --> 00:52:06.622
|
|
Now, slowly move your hand
|
|
up and down.
|
|
|
|
00:52:06.707 --> 00:52:07.790
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:52:08.625 --> 00:52:10.793
|
|
I told you already,
|
|
this is...
|
|
|
|
00:52:14.131 --> 00:52:15.298
|
|
Wait.
|
|
|
|
00:52:15.757 --> 00:52:17.550
|
|
What sorcery is this?
|
|
|
|
00:52:17.634 --> 00:52:20.678
|
|
Some people
|
|
wait a lifetime
|
|
|
|
00:52:20.762 --> 00:52:25.475
|
|
For a moment like this
|
|
|
|
00:52:25.559 --> 00:52:28.811
|
|
Some people
|
|
wait a lifetime
|
|
|
|
00:52:28.896 --> 00:52:31.814
|
|
For a moment like this
|
|
|
|
00:52:31.899 --> 00:52:37.236
|
|
Whoa, I can't believe
|
|
it's happening to me
|
|
|
|
00:52:37.321 --> 00:52:40.239
|
|
Some people
|
|
wait a lifetime
|
|
|
|
00:52:40.324 --> 00:52:45.828
|
|
For a moment like this
|
|
|
|
00:52:50.459 --> 00:52:54.795
|
|
I can't believe
|
|
it's happening to me
|
|
|
|
00:52:56.256 --> 00:52:59.050
|
|
I did it!
|
|
I just jerked it completely off!
|
|
|
|
00:52:59.134 --> 00:53:00.593
|
|
I did it all by myself!
|
|
|
|
00:53:00.677 --> 00:53:03.012
|
|
With this hand right here!
|
|
|
|
00:53:03.096 --> 00:53:06.307
|
|
I grabbed my bilbul
|
|
like I was strangling a bird.
|
|
|
|
00:53:06.391 --> 00:53:08.559
|
|
And I smacked it
|
|
and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,
|
|
|
|
00:53:08.644 --> 00:53:09.977
|
|
and out came
|
|
my own labeneh!
|
|
|
|
00:53:10.229 --> 00:53:11.229
|
|
Zoey?
|
|
|
|
00:53:11.396 --> 00:53:14.982
|
|
Zoey! You have
|
|
changed my life!
|
|
|
|
00:53:15.526 --> 00:53:19.570
|
|
Give a man a vagina
|
|
and he will shpichs for a day.
|
|
|
|
00:53:19.905 --> 00:53:23.366
|
|
Teach a man to use
|
|
his hand as a vagina,
|
|
|
|
00:53:23.575 --> 00:53:25.409
|
|
and he will shpichs
|
|
for a lifetime.
|
|
|
|
00:53:25.869 --> 00:53:27.995
|
|
Oh. No, no. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
00:53:29.039 --> 00:53:31.415
|
|
Allison, you may need to keep
|
|
your voice down because...
|
|
|
|
00:53:31.959 --> 00:53:34.460
|
|
We've got a lot of customers.
|
|
You may want to go wash up.
|
|
|
|
00:53:34.545 --> 00:53:35.586
|
|
Fine.
|
|
|
|
00:53:35.671 --> 00:53:38.339
|
|
Joteph, go and hose down
|
|
my Crocs.
|
|
|
|
00:53:38.757 --> 00:53:41.842
|
|
I've done my labeneh
|
|
all over the wellness center.
|
|
|
|
00:53:46.223 --> 00:53:47.515
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:53:50.269 --> 00:53:52.895
|
|
The guy from the Lancaster
|
|
is going to love this.
|
|
|
|
00:53:53.730 --> 00:53:54.730
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:53:55.065 --> 00:53:56.274
|
|
Good night, Allison.
|
|
|
|
00:53:56.567 --> 00:53:58.150
|
|
I'll see you
|
|
tomorrow morning.
|
|
|
|
00:53:58.360 --> 00:54:00.903
|
|
Good night! Thank you again.
|
|
|
|
00:54:05.242 --> 00:54:07.618
|
|
This is nice. Or lovely.
|
|
|
|
00:54:12.833 --> 00:54:14.292
|
|
- Who is it?
|
|
- Nadal.
|
|
|
|
00:54:14.376 --> 00:54:15.418
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
00:54:15.502 --> 00:54:17.128
|
|
I've discovered
|
|
this amazing thing.
|
|
|
|
00:54:17.254 --> 00:54:19.046
|
|
I have to show you
|
|
how to do it.
|
|
|
|
00:54:19.798 --> 00:54:20.965
|
|
It's called self juicing.
|
|
|
|
00:54:21.049 --> 00:54:24.051
|
|
You put your hand
|
|
on your bilbul and you rub it,
|
|
|
|
00:54:24.136 --> 00:54:26.387
|
|
and then you can make
|
|
your own labeneh come out.
|
|
|
|
00:54:26.471 --> 00:54:27.847
|
|
You don't have to
|
|
spend any Rolexes.
|
|
|
|
00:54:27.973 --> 00:54:29.765
|
|
You don't have to give
|
|
any dirty diamonds.
|
|
|
|
00:54:29.850 --> 00:54:32.685
|
|
I cannot believe I'm having this
|
|
conversation with an adult man.
|
|
|
|
00:54:32.769 --> 00:54:34.353
|
|
What do you mean?
|
|
You knew about this?
|
|
|
|
00:54:34.479 --> 00:54:35.813
|
|
Everybody knows about this.
|
|
|
|
00:54:36.481 --> 00:54:39.817
|
|
We all know about this
|
|
from the age of 12, 13.
|
|
|
|
00:54:39.985 --> 00:54:41.986
|
|
Why does nobody
|
|
ever tell me anything?
|
|
|
|
00:54:42.154 --> 00:54:44.947
|
|
Because you have everybody executed
|
|
who tells you anything.
|
|
|
|
00:54:45.240 --> 00:54:47.658
|
|
Listen, I'm thinking of
|
|
revealing my true identity
|
|
|
|
00:54:47.868 --> 00:54:49.660
|
|
to the hairy titted ape woman.
|
|
|
|
00:54:49.745 --> 00:54:51.954
|
|
Whoa! No, what?
|
|
Why would you even do that?
|
|
|
|
00:54:52.039 --> 00:54:53.581
|
|
I think she'll be
|
|
cool with it.
|
|
|
|
00:54:53.832 --> 00:54:55.291
|
|
She will not be cool with it.
|
|
|
|
00:54:55.417 --> 00:54:58.461
|
|
How is she tojudge?
|
|
She shaves her armpits once a year,
|
|
|
|
00:54:58.545 --> 00:55:01.172
|
|
and she takes lovers
|
|
outside of her ethnic group.
|
|
|
|
00:55:01.381 --> 00:55:03.257
|
|
Are my crimes any worse
|
|
than hers?
|
|
|
|
00:55:03.508 --> 00:55:05.509
|
|
Remember, you hate her.
|
|
|
|
00:55:05.761 --> 00:55:07.219
|
|
And everything
|
|
she stands for.
|
|
|
|
00:55:07.638 --> 00:55:09.597
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
- I have to go now.
|
|
|
|
00:55:10.932 --> 00:55:11.932
|
|
I despise you.
|
|
|
|
00:55:12.142 --> 00:55:14.185
|
|
You know, sometimes you say
|
|
some very hurtful things.
|
|
|
|
00:55:14.353 --> 00:55:15.853
|
|
Anyway, I'm going to
|
|
hang up on you.
|
|
|
|
00:55:15.979 --> 00:55:18.856
|
|
No, come on. This is
|
|
like a real opportunity for me.
|
|
|
|
00:55:18.940 --> 00:55:20.024
|
|
I want to hang up first.
|
|
|
|
00:55:20.108 --> 00:55:21.817
|
|
I've hung up.
|
|
I hung up already.
|
|
|
|
00:55:23.528 --> 00:55:25.780
|
|
That is your voice
|
|
doing that noise. You have not hung up.
|
|
|
|
00:55:25.864 --> 00:55:27.531
|
|
I am hanging up. Click...
|
|
|
|
00:55:28.742 --> 00:55:29.950
|
|
Nadal, are you still there?
|
|
|
|
00:55:31.453 --> 00:55:33.704
|
|
- Nadal, are you still there?
|
|
- I win.
|
|
|
|
00:55:34.581 --> 00:55:36.165
|
|
No wonder you're a Mac Genius.
|
|
|
|
00:55:37.042 --> 00:55:38.501
|
|
What a fucking idiot.
|
|
|
|
00:55:45.258 --> 00:55:53.307
|
|
Zoey!
|
|
|
|
00:55:56.728 --> 00:55:57.895
|
|
Zoey.
|
|
|
|
00:56:09.241 --> 00:56:10.241
|
|
Zoey?
|
|
|
|
00:56:12.953 --> 00:56:13.953
|
|
Etra.
|
|
|
|
00:56:15.747 --> 00:56:16.747
|
|
Etra...
|
|
|
|
00:56:43.316 --> 00:56:45.776
|
|
Etra, is this because
|
|
you're the only virgin guard
|
|
|
|
00:56:45.861 --> 00:56:47.027
|
|
that I left a virgin?
|
|
|
|
00:58:16.243 --> 00:58:18.828
|
|
One, two...
|
|
|
|
00:58:20.914 --> 00:58:21.997
|
|
Bloop.
|
|
|
|
00:58:23.583 --> 00:58:24.750
|
|
Text book.
|
|
|
|
00:58:26.461 --> 00:58:29.296
|
|
Thank you so much
|
|
for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.
|
|
|
|
00:58:29.631 --> 00:58:31.382
|
|
I cannot wait for you
|
|
to sample our mafroom.
|
|
|
|
00:58:31.550 --> 00:58:33.342
|
|
You are gonna swear
|
|
that you're in Wadiya.
|
|
|
|
00:58:34.344 --> 00:58:36.262
|
|
Excuse me.
|
|
What is that over there?
|
|
|
|
00:58:36.555 --> 00:58:38.514
|
|
That is a "C"
|
|
in your window.
|
|
|
|
00:58:38.723 --> 00:58:40.850
|
|
No, no, no... They're totally
|
|
biased against this. They hate us.
|
|
|
|
00:58:40.934 --> 00:58:42.685
|
|
No, it's not.
|
|
I know what a "C" means.
|
|
|
|
00:58:42.769 --> 00:58:43.978
|
|
It's not a very good...
|
|
|
|
00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:49.567
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
|
|
00:58:50.735 --> 00:58:52.194
|
|
Allison, what happened?
|
|
|
|
00:58:54.906 --> 00:58:56.490
|
|
I don't know, I...
|
|
|
|
00:58:56.783 --> 00:58:59.243
|
|
I was downstairs
|
|
self juicing.
|
|
|
|
00:59:01.037 --> 00:59:02.037
|
|
All night?
|
|
|
|
00:59:02.330 --> 00:59:03.330
|
|
Yes.
|
|
|
|
00:59:03.498 --> 00:59:04.790
|
|
I'm sorry,
|
|
you were doing what?
|
|
|
|
00:59:05.250 --> 00:59:06.417
|
|
Doing the jerk off.
|
|
|
|
00:59:06.793 --> 00:59:08.544
|
|
Jerking myself to totally off.
|
|
|
|
00:59:08.628 --> 00:59:10.170
|
|
- I'm sorry?
|
|
- Let me show you.
|
|
|
|
00:59:10.380 --> 00:59:11.589
|
|
- No.
|
|
- She taught me.
|
|
|
|
00:59:11.756 --> 00:59:12.840
|
|
Oh, she taught you, did she?
|
|
|
|
00:59:12.924 --> 00:59:15.342
|
|
- No...
|
|
- Well, thank you very much.
|
|
|
|
00:59:15.510 --> 00:59:16.677
|
|
The contract is canceled.
|
|
|
|
00:59:16.761 --> 00:59:17.761
|
|
- That's it!
|
|
- No.
|
|
|
|
00:59:17.846 --> 00:59:19.263
|
|
No, I'm going to Green World.
|
|
It's over.
|
|
|
|
00:59:19.431 --> 00:59:20.848
|
|
- No, Mr. Ogden.
|
|
- Remember, I have to pay that...
|
|
|
|
00:59:20.932 --> 00:59:23.893
|
|
- Please, no, no.
|
|
- Self juicing. Filth!
|
|
|
|
00:59:24.936 --> 00:59:26.020
|
|
Oh, my God...
|
|
|
|
00:59:26.438 --> 00:59:27.521
|
|
Zoey...
|
|
|
|
00:59:27.772 --> 00:59:29.315
|
|
We must get
|
|
that contract back.
|
|
|
|
00:59:29.608 --> 00:59:30.774
|
|
We can't!
|
|
|
|
00:59:30.984 --> 00:59:33.903
|
|
It's impossible.
|
|
We can't compete with Green World.
|
|
|
|
00:59:34.613 --> 00:59:36.447
|
|
We will see about that.
|
|
|
|
00:59:36.531 --> 00:59:39.658
|
|
But from now on,
|
|
it is my way
|
|
|
|
00:59:39.743 --> 00:59:44.413
|
|
or the highwahahtmaa-
|
|
fferrohshelechnichway.
|
|
|
|
00:59:45.040 --> 00:59:47.458
|
|
There has been
|
|
a regime change!
|
|
|
|
00:59:47.542 --> 00:59:49.877
|
|
Yo! You are
|
|
stocking the shelves.
|
|
|
|
00:59:50.295 --> 00:59:52.713
|
|
You, senile
|
|
Romanian accountant.
|
|
|
|
00:59:52.797 --> 00:59:54.465
|
|
You are on
|
|
the cash register.
|
|
|
|
00:59:54.633 --> 00:59:58.552
|
|
The CEO of Green World
|
|
does not drive a hybrid!
|
|
|
|
01:00:00.805 --> 01:00:02.973
|
|
The chemicals
|
|
in Green World produce
|
|
|
|
01:00:03.224 --> 01:00:05.392
|
|
made this boy
|
|
grow tits!
|
|
|
|
01:00:11.066 --> 01:00:13.233
|
|
You promise not
|
|
to steal again?
|
|
|
|
01:00:13.318 --> 01:00:14.985
|
|
I won't. I won't!
|
|
|
|
01:00:15.236 --> 01:00:16.946
|
|
Give him one more
|
|
for fun, Viktor.
|
|
|
|
01:00:36.967 --> 01:00:38.384
|
|
Good choice.
|
|
|
|
01:00:53.108 --> 01:00:54.775
|
|
Hi, Viktor.
|
|
|
|
01:01:10.792 --> 01:01:12.376
|
|
Supreme Grocer.
|
|
|
|
01:01:12.460 --> 01:01:14.211
|
|
The radicchio
|
|
has been washed and sorted,
|
|
|
|
01:01:14.295 --> 01:01:16.046
|
|
and the spray hose
|
|
has been tightly coiled.
|
|
|
|
01:01:16.131 --> 01:01:17.798
|
|
Very good. Now go upstairs
|
|
|
|
01:01:17.882 --> 01:01:20.134
|
|
and finish composting
|
|
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?
|
|
|
|
01:01:20.218 --> 01:01:21.468
|
|
Yes, Supreme Grocer.
|
|
|
|
01:01:23.471 --> 01:01:24.805
|
|
Zoey!
|
|
|
|
01:01:24.889 --> 01:01:27.141
|
|
What? Look...
|
|
|
|
01:01:27.767 --> 01:01:28.809
|
|
Wow!
|
|
|
|
01:01:29.436 --> 01:01:30.894
|
|
It's amazing!
|
|
|
|
01:01:30.979 --> 01:01:33.731
|
|
Oh, it's not amazing.
|
|
It's just a little less shit.
|
|
|
|
01:01:34.024 --> 01:01:35.816
|
|
Well, thank you.
|
|
|
|
01:01:37.027 --> 01:01:38.777
|
|
- Sorry.
|
|
- Oh, of course.
|
|
|
|
01:01:38.862 --> 01:01:41.739
|
|
- Personal.
|
|
- Thank you. Thank you again.
|
|
|
|
01:01:43.908 --> 01:01:45.826
|
|
- Hello?
|
|
- I have some very good news.
|
|
|
|
01:01:45.910 --> 01:01:46.952
|
|
What is it?
|
|
|
|
01:01:47.037 --> 01:01:50.664
|
|
I managed to buy some beards at the
|
|
wig store today that are perfect.
|
|
|
|
01:01:50.749 --> 01:01:52.958
|
|
No, Nadal,
|
|
it must be real hair.
|
|
|
|
01:01:53.043 --> 01:01:55.085
|
|
- And from the head of a great man!
|
|
- What?
|
|
|
|
01:01:55.170 --> 01:01:56.837
|
|
Like Castro or Gandalf.
|
|
|
|
01:01:56.921 --> 01:01:58.172
|
|
No...
|
|
|
|
01:02:01.009 --> 01:02:03.677
|
|
Well done, Nadal.
|
|
This beard is perfect.
|
|
|
|
01:02:08.850 --> 01:02:10.934
|
|
Those are lovely flowers.
|
|
|
|
01:02:11.019 --> 01:02:12.936
|
|
You know, Zoey is
|
|
thinking of opening
|
|
|
|
01:02:13.021 --> 01:02:15.355
|
|
an eco-friendly
|
|
flower section to the store.
|
|
|
|
01:02:15.440 --> 01:02:18.734
|
|
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
|
|
her today. What is going on?
|
|
|
|
01:02:18.818 --> 01:02:20.486
|
|
The signing
|
|
is in two days.
|
|
|
|
01:02:20.570 --> 01:02:22.404
|
|
Tell me you're not
|
|
falling for this woman!
|
|
|
|
01:02:22.864 --> 01:02:25.532
|
|
Of course I'm not.
|
|
This is silly.
|
|
|
|
01:02:25.867 --> 01:02:28.869
|
|
Okay, good. All we need to do
|
|
is slip into this chapel...
|
|
|
|
01:02:28.953 --> 01:02:30.120
|
|
And yet, it's strange.
|
|
|
|
01:02:30.205 --> 01:02:32.122
|
|
The other day,
|
|
I asked her to, you know,
|
|
|
|
01:02:32.207 --> 01:02:34.875
|
|
gobble on my bilbul
|
|
and she said, "No."
|
|
|
|
01:02:34.959 --> 01:02:36.960
|
|
So obviously
|
|
I wanted to execute her.
|
|
|
|
01:02:37.045 --> 01:02:40.297
|
|
But the thought of
|
|
her decapitated head actually upset me,
|
|
|
|
01:02:40.381 --> 01:02:42.132
|
|
- so I decided not to do it.
|
|
- No.
|
|
|
|
01:02:42.217 --> 01:02:45.552
|
|
When the thought of someone's
|
|
decapitated head upsets you,
|
|
|
|
01:02:45.637 --> 01:02:47.387
|
|
that is love.
|
|
|
|
01:02:47.639 --> 01:02:50.641
|
|
- I swear, I don't even like her at all.
|
|
- You don't like her?
|
|
|
|
01:02:50.809 --> 01:02:53.560
|
|
She has the body shape
|
|
of a 14-year-old boy.
|
|
|
|
01:02:53.895 --> 01:02:57.648
|
|
Well, that is
|
|
a particular weakness of yours.
|
|
|
|
01:02:57.732 --> 01:02:59.650
|
|
Need I remind you of
|
|
the Menudo incident?
|
|
|
|
01:02:59.859 --> 01:03:01.610
|
|
Those boys had
|
|
their eyes open.
|
|
|
|
01:03:01.694 --> 01:03:02.986
|
|
They knew exactly
|
|
what they were doing.
|
|
|
|
01:03:03.071 --> 01:03:04.571
|
|
We made them
|
|
have their eyes open.
|
|
|
|
01:03:04.656 --> 01:03:06.824
|
|
You made me hold
|
|
one of their eyes open,
|
|
|
|
01:03:06.908 --> 01:03:08.534
|
|
so they'd see what
|
|
you were doing to them.
|
|
|
|
01:03:09.119 --> 01:03:11.161
|
|
They seemed to be having
|
|
a pretty good time.
|
|
|
|
01:03:11.246 --> 01:03:13.705
|
|
They were not.
|
|
Those boys were crying.
|
|
|
|
01:03:13.998 --> 01:03:15.249
|
|
Three of them
|
|
killed themselves!
|
|
|
|
01:03:16.251 --> 01:03:17.376
|
|
Nothing to do with me.
|
|
|
|
01:03:17.460 --> 01:03:19.837
|
|
Everything to do with you!
|
|
A lot of them wrote notes.
|
|
|
|
01:03:19.921 --> 01:03:22.589
|
|
In their suicide notes
|
|
they named you by name!
|
|
|
|
01:03:22.841 --> 01:03:25.133
|
|
It's all a rumor.
|
|
And you're being silly.
|
|
|
|
01:03:25.718 --> 01:03:27.052
|
|
Hello, gentlemen.
|
|
How you doin'?
|
|
|
|
01:03:27.345 --> 01:03:28.846
|
|
Are you guys
|
|
friends of the deceased?
|
|
|
|
01:03:29.556 --> 01:03:30.931
|
|
How do I put this?
|
|
|
|
01:03:31.182 --> 01:03:32.683
|
|
He was my nigger.
|
|
|
|
01:03:33.017 --> 01:03:34.476
|
|
No, that's not
|
|
the way to put it.
|
|
|
|
01:03:34.602 --> 01:03:36.228
|
|
- Whoa, whoa!
|
|
- No?
|
|
|
|
01:03:36.479 --> 01:03:37.771
|
|
He was my negger.
|
|
Nigger. Nagger?
|
|
|
|
01:03:37.981 --> 01:03:39.189
|
|
- No, no, no.
|
|
- What is that?
|
|
|
|
01:03:39.274 --> 01:03:40.566
|
|
- Negar. Nigger? Nagur?
|
|
- No, no.
|
|
|
|
01:03:40.650 --> 01:03:41.817
|
|
Please stop. Please.
|
|
|
|
01:03:41.901 --> 01:03:42.943
|
|
I told you,
|
|
before we came in.
|
|
|
|
01:03:43.027 --> 01:03:45.529
|
|
One word, do not say.
|
|
Is the exact word you're using now.
|
|
|
|
01:03:45.613 --> 01:03:46.989
|
|
- No, I said Nuga...
|
|
- One dozen times.
|
|
|
|
01:03:47.198 --> 01:03:50.117
|
|
Please relate to him that there could be
|
|
two funerals today.
|
|
|
|
01:03:50.243 --> 01:03:52.202
|
|
I... Believe me
|
|
when I tell you,
|
|
|
|
01:03:52.328 --> 01:03:55.622
|
|
we are here only
|
|
to pay our respects to a great man.
|
|
|
|
01:03:55.874 --> 01:03:58.041
|
|
Okay, Eldridge's casket
|
|
is laying in the chapel right now.
|
|
|
|
01:03:58.334 --> 01:03:59.877
|
|
We're gonna have the
|
|
viewing in a few minutes.
|
|
|
|
01:04:00.211 --> 01:04:01.378
|
|
Thank you very much.
|
|
|
|
01:04:03.006 --> 01:04:04.381
|
|
I love your music,
|
|
by the way.
|
|
|
|
01:04:04.549 --> 01:04:05.924
|
|
No, it's not.
|
|
He's not a musician.
|
|
|
|
01:04:06.050 --> 01:04:09.928
|
|
I'm so, so sorry that
|
|
Whitney turned out like she did.
|
|
|
|
01:04:10.054 --> 01:04:11.305
|
|
- It's not Bobby Brown.
|
|
- Hey...
|
|
|
|
01:04:15.977 --> 01:04:18.228
|
|
- Go there.
|
|
- Okay. Here we go.
|
|
|
|
01:04:27.864 --> 01:04:28.947
|
|
Hello?
|
|
Somebody in here?
|
|
|
|
01:04:29.032 --> 01:04:31.158
|
|
Nadal!
|
|
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!
|
|
|
|
01:04:31.242 --> 01:04:32.826
|
|
- What? Okay, okay, okay!
|
|
- Hurry, hurry!
|
|
|
|
01:04:32.911 --> 01:04:34.411
|
|
- Just a moment!
|
|
- What you doin' in there?
|
|
|
|
01:04:34.913 --> 01:04:36.538
|
|
Jerking off.
|
|
|
|
01:04:37.123 --> 01:04:38.123
|
|
Open this door!
|
|
|
|
01:04:38.583 --> 01:04:40.500
|
|
- No, no, no!
|
|
- Open the door now!
|
|
|
|
01:04:40.752 --> 01:04:43.086
|
|
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!
|
|
|
|
01:04:52.680 --> 01:04:53.764
|
|
Why did you
|
|
chop off his head?
|
|
|
|
01:04:53.848 --> 01:04:54.932
|
|
You said Plan B!
|
|
|
|
01:04:55.016 --> 01:04:56.808
|
|
Plan B was to have
|
|
coffee and regroup,
|
|
|
|
01:04:56.893 --> 01:04:59.227
|
|
it was not to
|
|
chop his head off!
|
|
|
|
01:05:07.278 --> 01:05:09.071
|
|
Good morning, Nadal!
|
|
|
|
01:05:09.948 --> 01:05:12.282
|
|
Wake up!
|
|
Good morning, Nadal!
|
|
|
|
01:05:14.827 --> 01:05:16.411
|
|
No, no, no, no, no, no!
|
|
|
|
01:05:16.579 --> 01:05:17.621
|
|
Get this away from me!
|
|
|
|
01:05:17.705 --> 01:05:18.956
|
|
You know, me and you
|
|
are quite a team.
|
|
|
|
01:05:19.040 --> 01:05:20.040
|
|
No, no.
|
|
|
|
01:05:20.124 --> 01:05:21.541
|
|
You know who else
|
|
makes a great team?
|
|
|
|
01:05:21.626 --> 01:05:24.086
|
|
Ebony and ivory
|
|
|
|
01:05:24.170 --> 01:05:25.587
|
|
No, no, no!
|
|
|
|
01:05:25.713 --> 01:05:27.047
|
|
Live together
|
|
in perfect harmony
|
|
|
|
01:05:27.131 --> 01:05:28.131
|
|
What is wrong with you?
|
|
Get it out of here!
|
|
|
|
01:05:29.175 --> 01:05:30.175
|
|
Good one.
|
|
|
|
01:05:34.639 --> 01:05:36.598
|
|
Splish splash
|
|
I was taking a bath!
|
|
|
|
01:05:37.558 --> 01:05:39.142
|
|
No! Get it out of here!
|
|
|
|
01:05:40.311 --> 01:05:41.979
|
|
Oh, that is weird.
|
|
|
|
01:05:43.481 --> 01:05:48.318
|
|
I threw in some carob-covered goji
|
|
berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.
|
|
|
|
01:05:48.820 --> 01:05:53.073
|
|
Thank you. That's very kind of
|
|
you. You're a very nice man.
|
|
|
|
01:05:53.658 --> 01:05:55.659
|
|
What the fuck
|
|
did you call me?
|
|
|
|
01:05:56.661 --> 01:05:58.495
|
|
I said you were nice!
|
|
|
|
01:06:03.501 --> 01:06:07.421
|
|
Allison! The Lancaster just
|
|
called! We got the contract back!
|
|
|
|
01:06:07.505 --> 01:06:09.589
|
|
- Great! Whatever!
|
|
- I know!
|
|
|
|
01:06:09.674 --> 01:06:12.009
|
|
Green World is shutting down
|
|
their Manhattan store!
|
|
|
|
01:06:12.343 --> 01:06:14.219
|
|
I wonder what
|
|
could have happened?
|
|
|
|
01:06:16.180 --> 01:06:18.265
|
|
Be careful with that,
|
|
sweetheart. Be careful.
|
|
|
|
01:06:18.599 --> 01:06:21.351
|
|
Oh, yeah, we're going to
|
|
have a nice big salad.
|
|
|
|
01:06:22.186 --> 01:06:23.895
|
|
Celebratory cuddle?
|
|
|
|
01:06:25.523 --> 01:06:26.606
|
|
Well done!
|
|
|
|
01:06:26.774 --> 01:06:28.191
|
|
- You smell bad.
|
|
- I know.
|
|
|
|
01:06:28.693 --> 01:06:29.776
|
|
Help!
|
|
|
|
01:06:29.861 --> 01:06:32.070
|
|
Somebody help!
|
|
My wife is in labor!
|
|
|
|
01:06:32.405 --> 01:06:34.031
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
|
|
01:06:34.198 --> 01:06:36.992
|
|
Baby? The ambulance can't
|
|
be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?
|
|
|
|
01:06:37.076 --> 01:06:38.744
|
|
I can't hold it!
|
|
It's coming out!
|
|
|
|
01:06:39.037 --> 01:06:40.162
|
|
It's coming out!
|
|
|
|
01:06:40.246 --> 01:06:42.956
|
|
Does anyone have
|
|
any medical experience?
|
|
|
|
01:06:43.207 --> 01:06:46.793
|
|
I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
|
|
for the last 22 years.
|
|
|
|
01:06:47.086 --> 01:06:48.879
|
|
Please.
|
|
Please help us. Please.
|
|
|
|
01:06:49.130 --> 01:06:51.131
|
|
- Allison, they need your help. Come on.
|
|
- Okay, fine.
|
|
|
|
01:06:51.758 --> 01:06:52.758
|
|
Come on.
|
|
|
|
01:06:53.259 --> 01:06:54.342
|
|
Are you okay?
|
|
|
|
01:06:55.762 --> 01:06:57.471
|
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
01:06:57.555 --> 01:06:58.930
|
|
Sorry! Old habits die hard.
|
|
|
|
01:06:59.390 --> 01:07:01.058
|
|
All right, I'm going in.
|
|
|
|
01:07:02.977 --> 01:07:04.019
|
|
That's the wrong hole!
|
|
|
|
01:07:04.103 --> 01:07:06.063
|
|
- What?
|
|
- You just put your fist up the wrong hole.
|
|
|
|
01:07:06.230 --> 01:07:07.856
|
|
If I had a dollar for
|
|
every time I heard that.
|
|
|
|
01:07:09.734 --> 01:07:10.776
|
|
Get it outta there.
|
|
|
|
01:07:11.486 --> 01:07:13.487
|
|
- Going in again.
|
|
- Okay, good.
|
|
|
|
01:07:13.654 --> 01:07:15.238
|
|
Still my asshole!
|
|
|
|
01:07:15.490 --> 01:07:16.990
|
|
What is wrong
|
|
with you, man?
|
|
|
|
01:07:17.075 --> 01:07:18.533
|
|
You just put it in
|
|
my asshole again!
|
|
|
|
01:07:18.618 --> 01:07:20.118
|
|
Just go up
|
|
from where you are.
|
|
|
|
01:07:20.828 --> 01:07:23.455
|
|
The good news is,
|
|
your prostate is completely healthy.
|
|
|
|
01:07:24.415 --> 01:07:26.083
|
|
That's good. That's good.
|
|
|
|
01:07:26.334 --> 01:07:27.709
|
|
- Going in again.
|
|
- Okay, good.
|
|
|
|
01:07:31.422 --> 01:07:32.589
|
|
Hold on.
|
|
|
|
01:07:33.925 --> 01:07:34.966
|
|
What are you...
|
|
|
|
01:07:37.011 --> 01:07:38.845
|
|
Allison, stop it!
|
|
You need two hands!
|
|
|
|
01:07:39.180 --> 01:07:40.347
|
|
But I'm in the middle
|
|
of the text.
|
|
|
|
01:07:40.598 --> 01:07:42.182
|
|
It's coming out!
|
|
|
|
01:07:47.438 --> 01:07:48.814
|
|
- Where is that coming from?
|
|
- What?
|
|
|
|
01:07:54.112 --> 01:07:56.113
|
|
I'm really sorry.
|
|
I'm gonna have to take this call.
|
|
|
|
01:07:56.322 --> 01:07:57.656
|
|
Is there a phone
|
|
in my body?
|
|
|
|
01:07:57.949 --> 01:07:59.282
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
01:07:59.408 --> 01:08:00.784
|
|
I'm in
|
|
the Lincoln Tunnel.
|
|
|
|
01:08:00.993 --> 01:08:03.328
|
|
What? Okay, look.
|
|
We need to talk for a minute.
|
|
|
|
01:08:03.663 --> 01:08:05.622
|
|
Hello, Nadal.
|
|
Listen, I can't speak now.
|
|
|
|
01:08:05.706 --> 01:08:07.207
|
|
I'll speak to you later,
|
|
okay? Bye!
|
|
|
|
01:08:07.542 --> 01:08:09.459
|
|
Stop talking to my vagina!
|
|
|
|
01:08:10.795 --> 01:08:13.463
|
|
Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put
|
|
your hand in and help me.
|
|
|
|
01:08:13.756 --> 01:08:15.006
|
|
- What? No...
|
|
- Come on! Put it in!
|
|
|
|
01:08:15.091 --> 01:08:16.800
|
|
- No, don't be scared. Put it in.
|
|
- Okay. Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:08:17.051 --> 01:08:18.385
|
|
- I'm sorry.
|
|
- Put it right there on the right side.
|
|
|
|
01:08:18.469 --> 01:08:20.387
|
|
- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
|
|
- Push in.
|
|
|
|
01:08:21.556 --> 01:08:22.681
|
|
I think I feel an arm!
|
|
|
|
01:08:24.308 --> 01:08:25.308
|
|
That's my finger.
|
|
|
|
01:08:38.698 --> 01:08:41.241
|
|
Excuse me. You guys
|
|
make a really cute couple together.
|
|
|
|
01:08:41.325 --> 01:08:42.951
|
|
But maybe could you finish doing this
|
|
|
|
01:08:43.035 --> 01:08:44.995
|
|
when you're not elbow-deep
|
|
in my pussy!
|
|
|
|
01:08:45.329 --> 01:08:47.539
|
|
Okay, Allison,
|
|
you've got the head?
|
|
|
|
01:08:47.832 --> 01:08:49.583
|
|
- I've got the head.
|
|
- Okay, it's coming out.
|
|
|
|
01:08:49.667 --> 01:08:50.709
|
|
Come on, push!
|
|
|
|
01:08:53.171 --> 01:08:56.006
|
|
Where are the rebel bases?
|
|
Where are the rebel bases?
|
|
|
|
01:08:56.340 --> 01:08:57.883
|
|
Sorry, sorry.
|
|
|
|
01:08:58.176 --> 01:09:01.136
|
|
Wait, I can see the head!
|
|
I can see the head!
|
|
|
|
01:09:01.220 --> 01:09:02.345
|
|
I can't push anymore!
|
|
|
|
01:09:06.851 --> 01:09:09.269
|
|
You did it!
|
|
You did it!
|
|
|
|
01:09:17.528 --> 01:09:18.862
|
|
I sentence you
|
|
|
|
01:09:19.197 --> 01:09:20.697
|
|
to life.
|
|
|
|
01:09:23.201 --> 01:09:24.284
|
|
It's still attached!
|
|
|
|
01:09:24.410 --> 01:09:26.369
|
|
Sorry. Oh, no.
|
|
|
|
01:09:26.537 --> 01:09:27.871
|
|
- What's wrong?
|
|
- I'm sorry.
|
|
|
|
01:09:28.080 --> 01:09:29.581
|
|
It's bad news.
|
|
|
|
01:09:29.916 --> 01:09:31.041
|
|
It's a girl.
|
|
|
|
01:09:33.169 --> 01:09:34.211
|
|
Where's the trash can?
|
|
|
|
01:09:34.420 --> 01:09:36.421
|
|
No, no, no, no!
|
|
That's what we wanted!
|
|
|
|
01:09:36.714 --> 01:09:38.381
|
|
We'll take her,
|
|
we'll take her.
|
|
|
|
01:09:38.466 --> 01:09:39.466
|
|
Oh, baby.
|
|
|
|
01:09:43.971 --> 01:09:46.806
|
|
You were so
|
|
amazing down there.
|
|
|
|
01:09:47.141 --> 01:09:49.226
|
|
You saved
|
|
a little person's life.
|
|
|
|
01:09:58.402 --> 01:09:59.986
|
|
It feels so nice
|
|
to kiss you.
|
|
|
|
01:10:00.071 --> 01:10:01.488
|
|
I know. It's nice
|
|
to kiss you, too.
|
|
|
|
01:10:01.572 --> 01:10:03.073
|
|
I love the hugging.
|
|
|
|
01:10:03.491 --> 01:10:04.908
|
|
I just came.
|
|
|
|
01:10:08.162 --> 01:10:09.663
|
|
I don't care.
|
|
|
|
01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:12.165
|
|
Lie back.
|
|
|
|
01:10:12.250 --> 01:10:13.291
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:10:13.376 --> 01:10:15.043
|
|
This is going to be
|
|
amazing for you.
|
|
|
|
01:10:15.127 --> 01:10:16.461
|
|
Okay!
|
|
|
|
01:10:29.600 --> 01:10:31.059
|
|
You have such
|
|
a small stomach.
|
|
|
|
01:10:31.227 --> 01:10:33.520
|
|
It's like
|
|
a 10-year-old boy's.
|
|
|
|
01:10:35.439 --> 01:10:38.066
|
|
Normally, I don't kiss
|
|
a 10-year-old boy's stomach.
|
|
|
|
01:10:38.276 --> 01:10:39.484
|
|
They kiss mine.
|
|
|
|
01:10:40.861 --> 01:10:41.861
|
|
See you in 15 minutes.
|
|
|
|
01:10:45.283 --> 01:10:46.324
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:10:55.376 --> 01:10:56.710
|
|
Wait, wait.
|
|
|
|
01:10:57.044 --> 01:10:58.378
|
|
Wait.
|
|
|
|
01:11:00.339 --> 01:11:02.507
|
|
Allison,
|
|
before we go any further,
|
|
|
|
01:11:03.384 --> 01:11:05.468
|
|
there's something
|
|
that I want to tell you.
|
|
|
|
01:11:05.720 --> 01:11:08.305
|
|
You've got a dick.
|
|
I knew it.
|
|
|
|
01:11:09.056 --> 01:11:11.182
|
|
Allison,
|
|
I don't have a dick.
|
|
|
|
01:11:11.434 --> 01:11:12.684
|
|
Great!
|
|
|
|
01:11:13.060 --> 01:11:15.437
|
|
And I've never been
|
|
with a guy with a dick.
|
|
|
|
01:11:15.646 --> 01:11:16.938
|
|
Or any guy.
|
|
|
|
01:11:18.607 --> 01:11:19.649
|
|
Or boys.
|
|
|
|
01:11:21.819 --> 01:11:22.986
|
|
Just girls.
|
|
|
|
01:11:24.363 --> 01:11:25.447
|
|
And children.
|
|
|
|
01:11:25.948 --> 01:11:28.783
|
|
Not male ones.
|
|
Female ones.
|
|
|
|
01:11:32.455 --> 01:11:34.706
|
|
What I wanted to
|
|
tell you was this.
|
|
|
|
01:11:34.790 --> 01:11:37.959
|
|
I really want
|
|
to be with you, Allison Burgers.
|
|
|
|
01:11:38.794 --> 01:11:40.045
|
|
Zoey,
|
|
|
|
01:11:41.839 --> 01:11:43.923
|
|
I'm not really
|
|
Allison Burgers.
|
|
|
|
01:11:45.009 --> 01:11:47.677
|
|
I'm actually
|
|
a little somebody called
|
|
|
|
01:11:48.679 --> 01:11:50.680
|
|
Admiral General
|
|
|
|
01:11:51.390 --> 01:11:52.640
|
|
Aladeen.
|
|
|
|
01:11:57.063 --> 01:11:59.230
|
|
No, what's your real name?
|
|
|
|
01:11:59.440 --> 01:12:01.191
|
|
Wait, this will
|
|
convince you.
|
|
|
|
01:12:03.027 --> 01:12:04.069
|
|
Look, it's me!
|
|
|
|
01:12:04.987 --> 01:12:08.156
|
|
The weapons inspectors
|
|
will bathe in their own blood!
|
|
|
|
01:12:09.575 --> 01:12:11.034
|
|
That's your beard?
|
|
|
|
01:12:11.118 --> 01:12:13.161
|
|
No, no, no!
|
|
It's not my beard.
|
|
|
|
01:12:13.245 --> 01:12:15.288
|
|
My friend chopped the head
|
|
off Morgan Freeman.
|
|
|
|
01:12:15.748 --> 01:12:18.041
|
|
It's a hilarious story.
|
|
I'll tell you later, okay?
|
|
|
|
01:12:18.584 --> 01:12:21.878
|
|
You are out of your mind.
|
|
You're insane!
|
|
|
|
01:12:22.046 --> 01:12:24.964
|
|
Well, you download songs
|
|
illegally from the Internet.
|
|
|
|
01:12:25.508 --> 01:12:27.050
|
|
So let's not
|
|
throw stones, okay?
|
|
|
|
01:12:27.802 --> 01:12:29.135
|
|
You're a murderer!
|
|
|
|
01:12:29.470 --> 01:12:31.513
|
|
No, no, no!
|
|
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.
|
|
|
|
01:12:31.597 --> 01:12:34.849
|
|
You were just using me
|
|
to get access to that hotel!
|
|
|
|
01:12:34.934 --> 01:12:36.142
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
01:12:36.227 --> 01:12:39.813
|
|
Zoey, I'm attracted to you
|
|
in a really fucked-up way.
|
|
|
|
01:12:40.314 --> 01:12:42.315
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
|
|
01:12:42.650 --> 01:12:45.193
|
|
I'm canceling that
|
|
contract tomorrow!
|
|
|
|
01:12:45.653 --> 01:12:47.904
|
|
No, Zoey! What have
|
|
I ever done wrong?
|
|
|
|
01:12:48.155 --> 01:12:50.156
|
|
You lied to me!
|
|
|
|
01:12:50.241 --> 01:12:52.659
|
|
And you're wanted
|
|
for war crimes!
|
|
|
|
01:12:52.743 --> 01:12:54.327
|
|
That stuff never sticks.
|
|
|
|
01:12:54.912 --> 01:12:56.621
|
|
You need to leave now.
|
|
|
|
01:12:57.665 --> 01:13:01.126
|
|
You have broken my heart
|
|
into Aladeen pieces.
|
|
|
|
01:13:23.732 --> 01:13:26.109
|
|
With the signing of the
|
|
constitution tomorrow morning,
|
|
|
|
01:13:26.193 --> 01:13:28.695
|
|
democracy in Wadiya
|
|
is just hours away,
|
|
|
|
01:13:28.779 --> 01:13:31.114
|
|
and people are
|
|
in the streets celebrating.
|
|
|
|
01:13:31.407 --> 01:13:35.452
|
|
Kill Aladeen,
|
|
kill Aladeen, hey!
|
|
|
|
01:13:39.790 --> 01:13:41.624
|
|
What do you think of
|
|
Admiral General Aladeen?
|
|
|
|
01:13:41.750 --> 01:13:43.668
|
|
We hate him. We hate him.
|
|
|
|
01:13:43.794 --> 01:13:46.296
|
|
You know,
|
|
when we think ofhim, we...
|
|
|
|
01:13:46.630 --> 01:13:48.965
|
|
We vomit, and we spit
|
|
and we don't want him.
|
|
|
|
01:13:49.175 --> 01:13:51.301
|
|
What would you say to General
|
|
Aladeen ifhe were watching this?
|
|
|
|
01:13:51.510 --> 01:13:53.178
|
|
I have a message
|
|
forAladeen.
|
|
|
|
01:13:53.679 --> 01:13:54.888
|
|
Suevel.
|
|
|
|
01:13:55.097 --> 01:13:57.640
|
|
Suevel. Suevel.
|
|
|
|
01:14:16.660 --> 01:14:18.244
|
|
- Good-bye!
|
|
- Stop, stop, wait!
|
|
|
|
01:14:18.329 --> 01:14:19.329
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
01:14:20.664 --> 01:14:21.664
|
|
How did you find me?
|
|
|
|
01:14:22.249 --> 01:14:24.334
|
|
You texted me, like,
|
|
seven times.
|
|
|
|
01:14:26.253 --> 01:14:27.921
|
|
I am executing myself!
|
|
|
|
01:14:28.255 --> 01:14:29.589
|
|
What? Why?
|
|
|
|
01:14:29.757 --> 01:14:31.299
|
|
Because no one
|
|
has ever loved me!
|
|
|
|
01:14:31.675 --> 01:14:33.718
|
|
Your father would
|
|
be ashamed of you!
|
|
|
|
01:14:33.802 --> 01:14:36.429
|
|
No, I've realized
|
|
I don't want to be like my father!
|
|
|
|
01:14:36.513 --> 01:14:39.057
|
|
In fact,
|
|
I don't want to be a dictator anymore!
|
|
|
|
01:14:39.141 --> 01:14:40.308
|
|
What's that now?
|
|
|
|
01:14:40.517 --> 01:14:43.311
|
|
I've been on a spiritual journey,
|
|
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.
|
|
|
|
01:14:44.563 --> 01:14:46.231
|
|
Have you gone insane?
|
|
|
|
01:14:46.482 --> 01:14:48.524
|
|
I now know that
|
|
on the outside,
|
|
|
|
01:14:48.609 --> 01:14:49.984
|
|
I am a bit of
|
|
a cocksucker.
|
|
|
|
01:14:50.277 --> 01:14:53.154
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
- But deep down I'm nice.
|
|
|
|
01:14:53.405 --> 01:14:55.740
|
|
- Not really.
|
|
- Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom.
|
|
|
|
01:14:56.033 --> 01:14:58.159
|
|
Hard and spiky
|
|
on the outside,
|
|
|
|
01:14:58.244 --> 01:15:00.328
|
|
but soft and
|
|
really mushy on the in.
|
|
|
|
01:15:00.537 --> 01:15:03.873
|
|
You're not like
|
|
mafroom at all. You're like an onion.
|
|
|
|
01:15:04.166 --> 01:15:06.125
|
|
An outer layer
|
|
of cocksucker,
|
|
|
|
01:15:06.210 --> 01:15:07.627
|
|
and when you
|
|
peel it away,
|
|
|
|
01:15:07.711 --> 01:15:10.421
|
|
there is 10 more layers
|
|
of cocksucker underneath.
|
|
|
|
01:15:12.549 --> 01:15:13.883
|
|
You are such a schmuck!
|
|
|
|
01:15:14.176 --> 01:15:16.719
|
|
- Why are you speaking Yiddish?
|
|
- I picked it up.
|
|
|
|
01:15:16.845 --> 01:15:19.305
|
|
What do you mean,
|
|
"I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?
|
|
|
|
01:15:19.390 --> 01:15:20.556
|
|
I'm in New York!
|
|
|
|
01:15:20.641 --> 01:15:22.892
|
|
We're trying to erase
|
|
that country off the map!
|
|
|
|
01:15:22.977 --> 01:15:25.061
|
|
I don't like the people,
|
|
but I like the way that
|
|
|
|
01:15:25.145 --> 01:15:27.814
|
|
their words really sound like
|
|
what they're meant to be.
|
|
|
|
01:15:27.898 --> 01:15:30.733
|
|
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the
|
|
Evite to your bar mitzvah?
|
|
|
|
01:15:30.818 --> 01:15:31.985
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
|
|
01:15:32.069 --> 01:15:34.112
|
|
You've got real
|
|
chutzpah saying that!
|
|
|
|
01:15:34.196 --> 01:15:36.406
|
|
Look, where has being
|
|
a nice guy gotten you, huh?
|
|
|
|
01:15:36.699 --> 01:15:38.908
|
|
Standing on the edge
|
|
of a bridge about to commit suicide?
|
|
|
|
01:15:38.993 --> 01:15:40.076
|
|
Still wearing Crocs?
|
|
|
|
01:15:40.744 --> 01:15:42.161
|
|
What's wrong with Crocs?
|
|
|
|
01:15:42.246 --> 01:15:45.248
|
|
They are the universal symbol of a
|
|
man who has given up hope!
|
|
|
|
01:15:46.375 --> 01:15:48.334
|
|
You might as well
|
|
put sweatpants on
|
|
|
|
01:15:48.419 --> 01:15:50.336
|
|
and go to Applebee's
|
|
for the rest of your life!
|
|
|
|
01:15:51.380 --> 01:15:53.339
|
|
I'll give you that one.
|
|
I do look ridiculous.
|
|
|
|
01:15:53.424 --> 01:15:57.260
|
|
Yes! Listen, if you won't
|
|
come down from there for yourself,
|
|
|
|
01:15:57.344 --> 01:15:58.594
|
|
do it for your country.
|
|
|
|
01:15:58.762 --> 01:16:00.513
|
|
If this constitution
|
|
is signed,
|
|
|
|
01:16:00.597 --> 01:16:03.808
|
|
there will be free press,
|
|
women drivers, civil rights!
|
|
|
|
01:16:04.018 --> 01:16:05.101
|
|
What are "civil rights"?
|
|
|
|
01:16:05.394 --> 01:16:07.645
|
|
I'll tell you later.
|
|
They're hilarious.
|
|
|
|
01:16:08.147 --> 01:16:11.607
|
|
Look, you alone can stop
|
|
these terrible things from happening.
|
|
|
|
01:16:11.900 --> 01:16:14.485
|
|
You are the last
|
|
great dictator!
|
|
|
|
01:16:14.903 --> 01:16:17.071
|
|
All of the others
|
|
are gone! Qaddafi,
|
|
|
|
01:16:17.281 --> 01:16:19.782
|
|
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.
|
|
|
|
01:16:21.827 --> 01:16:23.286
|
|
You are right, Nadal.
|
|
|
|
01:16:23.746 --> 01:16:25.830
|
|
I will become
|
|
the greatest dictator of all,
|
|
|
|
01:16:25.914 --> 01:16:27.915
|
|
the envy of madmen
|
|
everywhere!
|
|
|
|
01:16:28.125 --> 01:16:29.709
|
|
Yes, Supreme Leader!
|
|
|
|
01:16:29.793 --> 01:16:33.171
|
|
From the mountaintops of North Korea
|
|
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,
|
|
|
|
01:16:33.255 --> 01:16:37.508
|
|
let every child laborer
|
|
and sweatshop factory worker sing,
|
|
|
|
01:16:37.593 --> 01:16:40.261
|
|
"Oppressed at last!
|
|
Oppressed at last!
|
|
|
|
01:16:40.637 --> 01:16:43.431
|
|
"Thank Aladeen,
|
|
I am oppressed at last!"
|
|
|
|
01:16:43.515 --> 01:16:44.682
|
|
Yes! Whoa!
|
|
|
|
01:16:44.767 --> 01:16:46.059
|
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
01:16:46.143 --> 01:16:47.518
|
|
- No, no, no, no, don't fall.
|
|
- I'm not doing anything.
|
|
|
|
01:16:47.603 --> 01:16:50.271
|
|
Just do like a pull-up.
|
|
You know how you do pull-ups?
|
|
|
|
01:16:50.356 --> 01:16:51.564
|
|
I invented the pull-up.
|
|
|
|
01:16:55.861 --> 01:16:58.946
|
|
If you're just joining us, we
|
|
are at the Lancaster Hotel,
|
|
|
|
01:16:59.031 --> 01:17:00.740
|
|
where in about 20 minutes,
|
|
|
|
01:17:02.826 --> 01:17:04.660
|
|
General Aladeen will be signing the
|
|
new Wadiyan constitution.
|
|
|
|
01:17:04.745 --> 01:17:06.579
|
|
Dignitaries from
|
|
around the world
|
|
|
|
01:17:06.663 --> 01:17:09.582
|
|
are arriving now to witness
|
|
the creation of a democracy
|
|
|
|
01:17:09.666 --> 01:17:12.460
|
|
that will undoubtedly change
|
|
the political landscape
|
|
|
|
01:17:12.544 --> 01:17:14.253
|
|
of the entire region.
|
|
|
|
01:17:14.505 --> 01:17:17.507
|
|
As Wadiya goes,
|
|
so goes North Africa.
|
|
|
|
01:17:24.014 --> 01:17:26.808
|
|
Eddie Norton, next time,
|
|
you pee on me.
|
|
|
|
01:17:27.101 --> 01:17:28.184
|
|
Whatever.
|
|
|
|
01:17:28.519 --> 01:17:30.520
|
|
And tell Viggo Mortensen
|
|
he is on my radar.
|
|
|
|
01:17:32.981 --> 01:17:35.358
|
|
How do you say,
|
|
"Fly is in the soup"?
|
|
|
|
01:17:35.442 --> 01:17:37.276
|
|
Gentlemen, Tamir.
|
|
|
|
01:17:37.653 --> 01:17:39.779
|
|
Let me introduce you
|
|
to my beautiful wife.
|
|
|
|
01:17:40.322 --> 01:17:42.740
|
|
Mrs. Lao, it is my
|
|
very great pleasure.
|
|
|
|
01:17:42.825 --> 01:17:44.992
|
|
No, no, no, no.
|
|
She does not speak English.
|
|
|
|
01:17:45.077 --> 01:17:46.285
|
|
Watch this.
|
|
|
|
01:17:46.995 --> 01:17:48.621
|
|
You ugly horse!
|
|
|
|
01:17:49.289 --> 01:17:50.331
|
|
She doesn't know.
|
|
|
|
01:17:50.958 --> 01:17:55.128
|
|
"Ohhh." See?
|
|
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.
|
|
|
|
01:17:55.671 --> 01:17:57.338
|
|
Shaved ape.
|
|
|
|
01:17:57.923 --> 01:17:58.965
|
|
"Ohhh."
|
|
|
|
01:18:12.479 --> 01:18:15.481
|
|
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
|
|
across to the Lancaster?
|
|
|
|
01:18:15.732 --> 01:18:16.816
|
|
Absolutely.
|
|
|
|
01:18:16.900 --> 01:18:18.234
|
|
- Where'd you get that?
|
|
- I built it.
|
|
|
|
01:18:18.652 --> 01:18:20.903
|
|
When I was going
|
|
to assassinate you.
|
|
|
|
01:18:21.321 --> 01:18:22.405
|
|
You mean my double.
|
|
|
|
01:18:25.075 --> 01:18:26.451
|
|
Sure. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:18:34.209 --> 01:18:36.127
|
|
Bingo!
|
|
|
|
01:18:39.173 --> 01:18:40.173
|
|
Love it!
|
|
|
|
01:18:40.257 --> 01:18:41.299
|
|
- Here's what you do.
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:18:41.383 --> 01:18:44.385
|
|
Zipline across,
|
|
kill the double,
|
|
|
|
01:18:44.470 --> 01:18:47.054
|
|
and then rip up the constitution in
|
|
front of the world's media.
|
|
|
|
01:18:47.139 --> 01:18:48.139
|
|
Piece of cake.
|
|
|
|
01:19:02.529 --> 01:19:04.780
|
|
Hello, Lancaster!
|
|
|
|
01:19:13.749 --> 01:19:15.041
|
|
I don't understand
|
|
what has happened.
|
|
|
|
01:19:15.125 --> 01:19:17.210
|
|
My calculations
|
|
were very precise.
|
|
|
|
01:19:17.878 --> 01:19:19.837
|
|
If you lose enough weight,
|
|
then the zipline will work.
|
|
|
|
01:19:19.922 --> 01:19:21.631
|
|
Do you have anything
|
|
in your pockets?
|
|
|
|
01:19:21.715 --> 01:19:23.382
|
|
Let me check.
|
|
|
|
01:19:26.345 --> 01:19:27.553
|
|
What is that?
|
|
|
|
01:19:27.638 --> 01:19:28.930
|
|
It's Vita Coco water.
|
|
|
|
01:19:29.556 --> 01:19:31.057
|
|
Why do you have
|
|
Vita Coco water?
|
|
|
|
01:19:31.141 --> 01:19:33.809
|
|
Because it has
|
|
as much potassium as three bananas.
|
|
|
|
01:19:33.894 --> 01:19:35.478
|
|
The line is
|
|
still too heavy.
|
|
|
|
01:19:35.562 --> 01:19:37.980
|
|
Is there anything else in your pockets
|
|
that could be weighing you down?
|
|
|
|
01:19:39.983 --> 01:19:42.818
|
|
You're kidding. So then why did
|
|
you bring three bananas?
|
|
|
|
01:19:42.903 --> 01:19:46.531
|
|
Because I don't trust the
|
|
advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.
|
|
|
|
01:19:47.157 --> 01:19:49.659
|
|
Is there anything else you're
|
|
carrying? You're still too heavy.
|
|
|
|
01:19:49.743 --> 01:19:50.868
|
|
Just this.
|
|
|
|
01:19:52.704 --> 01:19:53.829
|
|
What is that, a brick?
|
|
|
|
01:19:53.914 --> 01:19:56.332
|
|
All this time you've had a
|
|
brick? Why do you have that?
|
|
|
|
01:19:56.416 --> 01:19:58.334
|
|
Well, to balance out
|
|
the weight from the other one.
|
|
|
|
01:19:58.418 --> 01:19:59.669
|
|
You have two bricks?
|
|
|
|
01:19:59.753 --> 01:20:00.795
|
|
Yes!
|
|
|
|
01:20:00.879 --> 01:20:02.380
|
|
Throw them down
|
|
immediately!
|
|
|
|
01:20:06.927 --> 01:20:09.387
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
There's a little goat eating the wire!
|
|
|
|
01:20:12.432 --> 01:20:14.267
|
|
You need to lose
|
|
weight immediately!
|
|
|
|
01:20:14.601 --> 01:20:17.228
|
|
My pockets are empty.
|
|
I could poo.
|
|
|
|
01:20:17.604 --> 01:20:19.188
|
|
That won't be enough
|
|
to make a difference.
|
|
|
|
01:20:19.273 --> 01:20:21.816
|
|
Yes, it will.
|
|
I haven't gone since Wadiya.
|
|
|
|
01:20:21.900 --> 01:20:24.527
|
|
Losing power
|
|
has stopped me up like a cork.
|
|
|
|
01:20:24.611 --> 01:20:25.903
|
|
Hurry!
|
|
|
|
01:20:25.988 --> 01:20:28.573
|
|
Come on, Supreme Leader!
|
|
Make it rain! Make it rain!
|
|
|
|
01:20:30.158 --> 01:20:32.410
|
|
It's out!
|
|
And it's pointy!
|
|
|
|
01:20:33.453 --> 01:20:34.745
|
|
Somebody stop that man!
|
|
|
|
01:20:36.582 --> 01:20:37.623
|
|
Yes!
|
|
|
|
01:20:38.959 --> 01:20:40.167
|
|
What? No, no, no, no!
|
|
|
|
01:20:40.961 --> 01:20:41.961
|
|
No, no, no!
|
|
|
|
01:21:06.236 --> 01:21:07.778
|
|
Supreme Leader!
|
|
|
|
01:21:11.158 --> 01:21:13.326
|
|
Get out of here
|
|
before Tamir kills you.
|
|
|
|
01:21:14.077 --> 01:21:15.161
|
|
Who is Tamir?
|
|
|
|
01:21:15.579 --> 01:21:16.954
|
|
Tamir...
|
|
|
|
01:21:17.039 --> 01:21:19.749
|
|
The bald bastard
|
|
who did all these terrible things to us!
|
|
|
|
01:21:20.542 --> 01:21:22.251
|
|
I thought
|
|
his name was Dennis.
|
|
|
|
01:21:23.795 --> 01:21:28.466
|
|
How would you
|
|
even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?
|
|
|
|
01:21:29.676 --> 01:21:31.677
|
|
- Go on, get out! Get out!
|
|
- Come on, Montzi!
|
|
|
|
01:21:31.762 --> 01:21:32.762
|
|
Quick!
|
|
|
|
01:21:35.974 --> 01:21:37.516
|
|
Just jump.
|
|
It's not that far.
|
|
|
|
01:21:38.685 --> 01:21:39.935
|
|
Efawadh.
|
|
|
|
01:21:40.020 --> 01:21:41.687
|
|
It is almost time.
|
|
|
|
01:21:44.524 --> 01:21:46.859
|
|
I like goats.
|
|
|
|
01:21:48.028 --> 01:21:50.488
|
|
I am very stupid.
|
|
|
|
01:21:52.407 --> 01:21:54.533
|
|
This is
|
|
an historic moment.
|
|
|
|
01:21:54.618 --> 01:21:57.453
|
|
Admiral General
|
|
Aladeen of Wadiya
|
|
|
|
01:21:57.537 --> 01:21:59.038
|
|
is going to be signing
|
|
|
|
01:21:59.122 --> 01:22:02.792
|
|
the first democratic
|
|
constitution in the history of his nation.
|
|
|
|
01:22:02.876 --> 01:22:06.837
|
|
Across the globe,
|
|
people are glued to their television sets.
|
|
|
|
01:22:06.922 --> 01:22:09.507
|
|
The people of Wadiya
|
|
are celebrating
|
|
|
|
01:22:09.591 --> 01:22:12.426
|
|
what will be
|
|
a new chapter in their country.
|
|
|
|
01:22:13.261 --> 01:22:16.180
|
|
Just moments away now
|
|
from putting his signature
|
|
|
|
01:22:16.264 --> 01:22:18.641
|
|
on the first
|
|
democratic constitution.
|
|
|
|
01:22:19.393 --> 01:22:22.228
|
|
That's Tamir Mafraad,
|
|
Aladeen's trusted advisor,
|
|
|
|
01:22:22.312 --> 01:22:25.314
|
|
sharing a lighthearted moment with
|
|
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.
|
|
|
|
01:22:25.399 --> 01:22:27.274
|
|
Any thoughts on
|
|
what they might be saying, Mike?
|
|
|
|
01:22:27.359 --> 01:22:30.236
|
|
I thought I made out
|
|
the words "Harvey Keitel."
|
|
|
|
01:22:32.823 --> 01:22:34.448
|
|
Don't know
|
|
what that meant.
|
|
|
|
01:22:34.533 --> 01:22:37.284
|
|
Maybe they shared
|
|
a hot dog together, I'm thinking?
|
|
|
|
01:22:37.369 --> 01:22:41.747
|
|
That would make sense. He's wiping the
|
|
mustard off his face and chest.
|
|
|
|
01:22:41.832 --> 01:22:43.124
|
|
Excuse me!
|
|
|
|
01:22:43.208 --> 01:22:44.667
|
|
You have to let me in.
|
|
You don't understand.
|
|
|
|
01:22:44.751 --> 01:22:46.419
|
|
He's trying to
|
|
stop the signing!
|
|
|
|
01:22:46.503 --> 01:22:48.045
|
|
Tamir is now speaking.
|
|
|
|
01:22:48.130 --> 01:22:49.130
|
|
Today,
|
|
|
|
01:22:49.840 --> 01:22:51.590
|
|
we begin a new era.
|
|
|
|
01:22:52.134 --> 01:22:55.177
|
|
Wadiya will be
|
|
open to the world.
|
|
|
|
01:22:55.262 --> 01:22:56.846
|
|
Open to the future.
|
|
|
|
01:22:56.930 --> 01:22:58.431
|
|
And open for business.
|
|
|
|
01:22:59.933 --> 01:23:03.352
|
|
The document is
|
|
ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.
|
|
|
|
01:23:11.945 --> 01:23:14.697
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
This man is an imposter!
|
|
|
|
01:23:14.781 --> 01:23:19.243
|
|
No! This traitor tried to kill me
|
|
and had my beard removed!
|
|
|
|
01:23:19.327 --> 01:23:21.537
|
|
Look!
|
|
|
|
01:23:21.621 --> 01:23:24.039
|
|
Arrest the viper Tamir!
|
|
|
|
01:23:24.124 --> 01:23:25.833
|
|
And now in another
|
|
|
|
01:23:25.917 --> 01:23:29.545
|
|
amazing turn of events,
|
|
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.
|
|
|
|
01:23:29.629 --> 01:23:32.173
|
|
This constitution
|
|
|
|
01:23:32.257 --> 01:23:34.925
|
|
is nothing
|
|
but a license for oil companies
|
|
|
|
01:23:35.010 --> 01:23:38.512
|
|
and foreign interests
|
|
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!
|
|
|
|
01:23:38.597 --> 01:23:42.266
|
|
Wadiya will remain
|
|
a dictatorship!
|
|
|
|
01:23:52.027 --> 01:23:53.402
|
|
Oh, be quiet.
|
|
|
|
01:23:53.779 --> 01:23:56.781
|
|
Why are you guys
|
|
so anti dictators?
|
|
|
|
01:23:57.032 --> 01:23:59.867
|
|
Imagine if America
|
|
was a dictatorship.
|
|
|
|
01:24:00.243 --> 01:24:04.455
|
|
You could let 1% of the people
|
|
have all the nation's wealth.
|
|
|
|
01:24:04.790 --> 01:24:06.248
|
|
You could help
|
|
your rich friends
|
|
|
|
01:24:06.333 --> 01:24:08.876
|
|
get richer by
|
|
cutting their taxes
|
|
|
|
01:24:08.960 --> 01:24:12.213
|
|
and bailing them out
|
|
when they gamble and lose.
|
|
|
|
01:24:12.672 --> 01:24:16.967
|
|
You could ignore the needs of the poor
|
|
for health care and education.
|
|
|
|
01:24:17.052 --> 01:24:18.719
|
|
Your media
|
|
would appear free
|
|
|
|
01:24:18.804 --> 01:24:22.932
|
|
but would secretly be controlled
|
|
by one person and his family.
|
|
|
|
01:24:23.016 --> 01:24:27.269
|
|
You could wiretap phones,
|
|
you could torture foreign prisoners.
|
|
|
|
01:24:27.354 --> 01:24:29.522
|
|
You could have
|
|
rigged elections.
|
|
|
|
01:24:29.606 --> 01:24:31.690
|
|
You could lie about
|
|
why you go to war.
|
|
|
|
01:24:32.234 --> 01:24:34.026
|
|
You could fill your prisons
|
|
|
|
01:24:34.110 --> 01:24:37.738
|
|
with one particular racial group
|
|
and no one would complain!
|
|
|
|
01:24:38.073 --> 01:24:41.450
|
|
You could use the media
|
|
to scare the people
|
|
|
|
01:24:41.535 --> 01:24:45.454
|
|
into supporting policies
|
|
that are against their interests.
|
|
|
|
01:24:45.539 --> 01:24:48.916
|
|
I know this is hard
|
|
for you Americans to imagine,
|
|
|
|
01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:50.960
|
|
but please try.
|
|
|
|
01:24:51.044 --> 01:24:53.295
|
|
I will tell you
|
|
what democracy is!
|
|
|
|
01:24:53.713 --> 01:24:55.840
|
|
Democracy is the worst!
|
|
|
|
01:24:55.924 --> 01:24:58.843
|
|
Endless talking
|
|
and listening to every stupid opinion!
|
|
|
|
01:24:58.927 --> 01:25:01.011
|
|
And everybody's
|
|
vote counts,
|
|
|
|
01:25:01.096 --> 01:25:04.765
|
|
no matter how
|
|
crippled or black or female they are.
|
|
|
|
01:25:05.684 --> 01:25:07.059
|
|
Democracy...
|
|
|
|
01:25:13.817 --> 01:25:15.109
|
|
Democracy
|
|
|
|
01:25:16.486 --> 01:25:20.614
|
|
has hairy armpits
|
|
and could lose five pounds.
|
|
|
|
01:25:21.825 --> 01:25:25.119
|
|
Democracy looks like
|
|
a midget in a chemo wig.
|
|
|
|
01:25:26.496 --> 01:25:29.915
|
|
Democracy, your mother
|
|
called the other day
|
|
|
|
01:25:30.041 --> 01:25:31.166
|
|
and I forgot to
|
|
give you the message.
|
|
|
|
01:25:31.293 --> 01:25:35.379
|
|
It was something very important
|
|
about your grandmother.
|
|
|
|
01:25:37.090 --> 01:25:39.717
|
|
Democracy kisses you
|
|
because she wants to,
|
|
|
|
01:25:39.801 --> 01:25:43.679
|
|
not because her father
|
|
is in the next room chained to a radiator
|
|
|
|
01:25:43.763 --> 01:25:45.890
|
|
with electrodes
|
|
attached to his nipples.
|
|
|
|
01:25:46.725 --> 01:25:51.061
|
|
Democracy is flawed!
|
|
She is not perfect!
|
|
|
|
01:25:51.730 --> 01:25:53.230
|
|
But democracy,
|
|
|
|
01:25:56.776 --> 01:25:57.776
|
|
I love you.
|
|
|
|
01:25:58.903 --> 01:26:01.989
|
|
And that is
|
|
why I call for real democracy!
|
|
|
|
01:26:02.073 --> 01:26:03.866
|
|
A real constitution!
|
|
|
|
01:26:03.950 --> 01:26:05.909
|
|
And real elections
|
|
in Wadiya!
|
|
|
|
01:26:12.542 --> 01:26:14.543
|
|
Oh, no!
|
|
|
|
01:26:15.420 --> 01:26:16.587
|
|
Come on!
|
|
|
|
01:26:23.470 --> 01:26:26.639
|
|
Democracy,
|
|
I will make you one of my wives.
|
|
|
|
01:26:27.724 --> 01:26:30.142
|
|
Okay, only wife.
|
|
We'll vote on it.
|
|
|
|
01:26:30.769 --> 01:26:32.686
|
|
I'll shave
|
|
my armpits for you.
|
|
|
|
01:26:32.771 --> 01:26:34.855
|
|
Praise be to the Creator!
|
|
|
|
01:26:34.939 --> 01:26:37.358
|
|
And please stop using
|
|
that organic deodorant.
|
|
|
|
01:26:37.442 --> 01:26:39.652
|
|
You could gas the Kurds
|
|
with that stench.
|
|
|
|
01:27:06.805 --> 01:27:08.722
|
|
You died
|
|
protecting me, Efawadh.
|
|
|
|
01:27:09.474 --> 01:27:10.474
|
|
Hello!
|
|
|
|
01:27:10.767 --> 01:27:11.767
|
|
You are alive?
|
|
|
|
01:27:11.976 --> 01:27:14.937
|
|
Of course!
|
|
It is my job to be shot in the head.
|
|
|
|
01:27:18.608 --> 01:27:20.484
|
|
- Is he okay?
|
|
- He's fine.
|
|
|
|
01:27:20.568 --> 01:27:23.153
|
|
Luckily the bullet
|
|
hit him in the brain.
|
|
|
|
01:27:24.280 --> 01:27:26.115
|
|
So,
|
|
|
|
01:27:27.575 --> 01:27:28.617
|
|
what now?
|
|
|
|
01:27:28.910 --> 01:27:32.246
|
|
I return to Wadiya
|
|
to participate in fair elections.
|
|
|
|
01:27:44.217 --> 01:27:47.761
|
|
Let's now look back
|
|
at the wonderful events of the past year.
|
|
|
|
01:27:47.846 --> 01:27:50.639
|
|
After Wadiya's
|
|
first free elections,
|
|
|
|
01:27:50.724 --> 01:27:53.684
|
|
President Prime Minister
|
|
Admiral General Aladeen
|
|
|
|
01:27:53.768 --> 01:27:56.353
|
|
won 98. 8% of the vote.
|
|
|
|
01:27:58.898 --> 01:28:02.484
|
|
But the big story today is the
|
|
marriage of President Prime Minister
|
|
|
|
01:28:02.569 --> 01:28:06.321
|
|
Admiral General Aladeen
|
|
and his new bride, Zoey.
|
|
|
|
01:28:10.577 --> 01:28:13.203
|
|
I now pronounce you
|
|
man and wife.
|
|
|
|
01:28:23.047 --> 01:28:25.257
|
|
Are you okay, my love?
|
|
What did you step on?
|
|
|
|
01:28:25.341 --> 01:28:26.633
|
|
Oh, yes! No, no.
|
|
|
|
01:28:26.718 --> 01:28:30.387
|
|
It's my people's tradition.
|
|
We always smash a glass at weddings.
|
|
|
|
01:28:30.472 --> 01:28:32.306
|
|
- I'm Jewish!
|
|
- What?
|
|
|
|
01:28:32.390 --> 01:28:33.682
|
|
Mazel tov!
|
|
|
|
01:28:38.688 --> 01:28:39.730
|
|
Are you okay?
|
|
|
|
01:28:40.732 --> 01:28:43.400
|
|
That's fine.
|
|
I don't mind. It's great!
|
|
|
|
01:28:43.860 --> 01:28:45.569
|
|
Come here, my love.
|
|
|
|
01:29:05.298 --> 01:29:07.174
|
|
Jachnoon, President
|
|
Prime Minister Aladeen.
|
|
|
|
01:29:07.258 --> 01:29:10.552
|
|
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back
|
|
at the palace in an hour.
|
|
|
|
01:29:10.637 --> 01:29:12.930
|
|
Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.
|
|
|
|
01:29:13.348 --> 01:29:14.348
|
|
I have great news.
|
|
|
|
01:29:14.432 --> 01:29:17.226
|
|
We are just days
|
|
away from testing the new missiles.
|
|
|
|
01:29:17.310 --> 01:29:19.269
|
|
I have re-engineered
|
|
the oxidizing ducts
|
|
|
|
01:29:19.354 --> 01:29:20.813
|
|
and the payload
|
|
delivery systems.
|
|
|
|
01:29:20.897 --> 01:29:25.609
|
|
But you'll be happy to know,
|
|
the missile is now pointy!
|
|
|
|
01:29:26.861 --> 01:29:28.821
|
|
Who cares if it's pointy?
|
|
|
|
01:29:28.905 --> 01:29:30.072
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
01:29:30.573 --> 01:29:32.866
|
|
You do.
|
|
You care if it's pointy.
|
|
|
|
01:29:32.951 --> 01:29:34.618
|
|
Why would I care
|
|
about such a trivial detail?
|
|
|
|
01:29:34.702 --> 01:29:36.954
|
|
Are you serious?
|
|
Are you serious right now?
|
|
|
|
01:29:37.038 --> 01:29:38.038
|
|
Of course I'm serious.
|
|
|
|
01:29:38.122 --> 01:29:39.581
|
|
That's why you
|
|
had me executed!
|
|
|
|
01:29:39.666 --> 01:29:42.960
|
|
The shape of the missile has nothing to
|
|
do with the payload delivery.
|
|
|
|
01:29:43.044 --> 01:29:45.462
|
|
That's what I said!
|
|
That's what I said the first time!
|
|
|
|
01:29:45.547 --> 01:29:46.964
|
|
No, that's what I said,
|
|
and you went crazy.
|
|
|
|
01:29:47.048 --> 01:29:49.258
|
|
No! You said
|
|
Professor Popeye this...
|
|
|
|
01:29:49.425 --> 01:29:51.176
|
|
Professor Popeye
|
|
is a cartoon.
|
|
|
|
01:29:51.302 --> 01:29:52.553
|
|
No, I know this!
|
|
|
|
01:29:57.225 --> 01:30:00.394
|
|
So, we're opening
|
|
300 Women's Centers,
|
|
|
|
01:30:00.645 --> 01:30:04.565
|
|
but I'm going to have to take a
|
|
break for a little bit because
|
|
|
|
01:30:05.233 --> 01:30:06.608
|
|
I'm pregnant.
|
|
|
|
01:30:06.693 --> 01:30:07.860
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
01:30:11.573 --> 01:30:14.074
|
|
Are you having a boy
|
|
or an abortion?
|
|
|
|
01:30:37.640 --> 01:30:38.682
|
|
Hello, gentlemen.
|
|
How you doin'?
|
|
|
|
01:30:38.766 --> 01:30:40.309
|
|
Are you guys friends
|
|
of the deceased?
|
|
|
|
01:30:40.393 --> 01:30:43.186
|
|
Do you want me to say this
|
|
in front of his widow?
|
|
|
|
01:30:43.271 --> 01:30:44.313
|
|
I was his lover.
|
|
|
|
01:30:44.397 --> 01:30:45.898
|
|
No. That is
|
|
not true.
|
|
|
|
01:30:46.316 --> 01:30:48.317
|
|
I saw him perform
|
|
with the Globetrotters.
|
|
|
|
01:30:48.401 --> 01:30:50.903
|
|
I thought
|
|
he was outstanding. I befriended him.
|
|
|
|
01:30:50.987 --> 01:30:53.113
|
|
No, it's
|
|
a different person.
|
|
|
|
01:30:53.197 --> 01:30:56.533
|
|
His message
|
|
of don't worry and being happy
|
|
|
|
01:30:56.618 --> 01:30:57.784
|
|
was so powerful.
|
|
|
|
01:30:57.869 --> 01:31:00.120
|
|
No, this is
|
|
Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.
|
|
|
|
01:31:00.204 --> 01:31:02.456
|
|
Whatever the scandal
|
|
you went through,
|
|
|
|
01:31:02.540 --> 01:31:04.374
|
|
you're still
|
|
the best golfer in the world.
|
|
|
|
01:31:04.459 --> 01:31:05.626
|
|
Let's go.
|
|
|
|
01:31:07.170 --> 01:31:08.545
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O-M-G.
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01:31:09.631 --> 01:31:11.006
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Oh, my God.
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01:31:13.926 --> 01:31:19.640
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Oh, my...
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01:31:25.980 --> 01:31:27.105
|
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Zoey.
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01:31:28.608 --> 01:31:30.817
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That's some good head!
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01:31:33.071 --> 01:31:35.197
|
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That is called payback
|
|
and it feels so good!
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01:31:35.281 --> 01:31:37.574
|
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How did it feel for you?
|
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How did it feel for you?
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01:31:37.659 --> 01:31:39.451
|
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I prefer it with goats.
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01:31:40.161 --> 01:31:41.703
|
|
Where is
|
|
the Supreme Leader?
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01:31:41.788 --> 01:31:42.788
|
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No, no.
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|
01:31:42.872 --> 01:31:45.290
|
|
Now that is
|
|
called payback!
|
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01:31:45.500 --> 01:31:46.833
|
|
Oh, great!
|
|
|
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01:31:52.256 --> 01:31:55.300
|
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Don't touch it.
|
|
Don't touch it.
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|
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01:31:55.760 --> 01:31:57.094
|
|
You don't have
|
|
to touch it.
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01:31:57.178 --> 01:31:58.220
|
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Sorry. I was...
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01:31:58.304 --> 01:32:00.138
|
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Just give us...
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We don't...
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01:32:00.223 --> 01:38:41.039
|
|
Just give me
|
|
a couple of millimeters to myself.
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