6197 lines
119 KiB
Plaintext
6197 lines
119 KiB
Plaintext
WEBVTT
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Alpa chino!
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00:00:03.936 --> 00:00:07.069
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We're loaded I love
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the pussy, hell, yeah
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00:00:07.172 --> 00:00:08.571
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I love the pussy, hell, yeah
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00:00:08.674 --> 00:00:11.336
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I love that pussy
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dripping down to the floor, oh, no
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00:00:11.443 --> 00:00:13.934
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the wettest pussy, hell, yeah
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I love the pussy, hell, yeah
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00:00:14.046 --> 00:00:17.140
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I'm drinking up
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your Booty sweat and busting a nut
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00:00:17.249 --> 00:00:19.012
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alpa chino got that pussy control
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00:00:19.118 --> 00:00:21.018
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alpa chino's Booty sweat.
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00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:22.553
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Pop an ass open!
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00:00:22.655 --> 00:00:26.147
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Booty sweat and bust-a-nut bars
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available at concessions now.
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00:00:30.262 --> 00:00:34.392
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In 2013, when the earth's rotation
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came to a halt...
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00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:38.061
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The president has declared
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all of north America a disaster area.
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00:00:38.170 --> 00:00:40.866
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I call on my fellow Americans
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to come together...
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00:00:40.973 --> 00:00:45.000
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The world called on the one man
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who could make a difference.
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00:00:49.048 --> 00:00:53.075
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When it happened again,
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the world called on him once more.
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00:00:54.486 --> 00:01:00.356
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And no one saw it coming
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three more times!
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00:01:02.895 --> 00:01:04.556
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Now,
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00:01:04.663 --> 00:01:08.599
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the one man who made a difference
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five times before,
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00:01:11.036 --> 00:01:15.405
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is about to make a difference again.
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00:01:16.141 --> 00:01:20.237
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Only this time, it's different.
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00:01:22.081 --> 00:01:23.708
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Who left the fridge open?
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00:01:25.150 --> 00:01:27.084
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Tugg speedman.
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00:01:27.186 --> 00:01:31.953
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Scorcher vl: Global meltdown.
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00:01:32.057 --> 00:01:33.820
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Here we go again.
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00:01:35.361 --> 00:01:36.361
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Again.
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Will there be anything else?
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00:01:47.940 --> 00:01:51.137
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Yes, my dear man. More beans.
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00:01:52.945 --> 00:01:55.106
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Granny!
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Please!
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00:01:58.317 --> 00:02:03.277
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This summer,
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America's favorite obese family is back.
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00:02:06.158 --> 00:02:07.716
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Gross!
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00:02:07.826 --> 00:02:09.851
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- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
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- Am not!
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00:02:10.429 --> 00:02:11.919
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Jeff portnoy.
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00:02:12.598 --> 00:02:14.065
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Jeff portnoy.
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00:02:14.666 --> 00:02:16.156
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Jeff portnoy.
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00:02:16.268 --> 00:02:22.366
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And Jeff portnoy are
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the fatties: Fart two.
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00:02:22.474 --> 00:02:24.305
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In some countries,
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00:02:25.511 --> 00:02:27.138
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it's considered a compliment.
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00:02:27.246 --> 00:02:30.443
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Letting loose this summer.
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00:02:39.725 --> 00:02:45.459
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In a time where to be different
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was to be condemned,
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00:02:59.211 --> 00:03:03.910
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and to be condemned was to die,
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00:03:08.153 --> 00:03:12.214
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one man chose to question his God.
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00:03:16.195 --> 00:03:17.890
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From fox searchlight,
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00:03:26.738 --> 00:03:29.969
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five-time academy award winner
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kirk Lazarus
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00:03:31.076 --> 00:03:35.410
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and mtv movie award
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best kiss winner tobey Maguire.
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00:03:41.787 --> 00:03:46.315
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Winner of the Beijing film festival's
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coveted crying monkey award,
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00:03:47.526 --> 00:03:49.517
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Satan's alley.
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00:03:54.032 --> 00:03:56.557
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I've been a bad, bad boy, father.
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00:04:32.070 --> 00:04:34.868
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In the winter of 1969,
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00:04:34.973 --> 00:04:36.998
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an elite force of the U.S. army
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00:04:37.109 --> 00:04:41.978
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was sent on a top-secret assignment
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in southeast Vietnam.
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00:04:42.080 --> 00:04:44.844
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The objective,
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rescue sergeant four leaf tayback
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00:04:44.950 --> 00:04:48.010
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from a heavily guarded
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nva prison camp.
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00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:51.214
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The mission was considered
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to be near suicide.
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00:04:52.524 --> 00:04:55.823
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Of the 10 men sent, four returned.
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00:04:55.928 --> 00:04:59.364
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Of those four, three wrote books
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about what happened.
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00:04:59.464 --> 00:05:02.433
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Of those three, two were published.
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00:05:02.534 --> 00:05:06.698
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Of those two, just one got a movie deal.
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00:05:08.207 --> 00:05:13.440
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This is the story of the men
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who attempted to make that movie.
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00:05:24.256 --> 00:05:26.850
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Whiskey fire old snake
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requests an lz prep
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00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:29.519
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at Alpha-delta-two-four-eight-niner,
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over.
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00:05:34.833 --> 00:05:39.099
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Floyd, this is lead. Right Echelon
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approach from rp to lz, acknowledge.
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00:05:40.239 --> 00:05:42.002
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Floyd, wall-eye airborne.
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Welcome aboard.
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00:05:45.844 --> 00:05:47.573
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All right, lead's going in.
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Give her some cover.
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00:05:47.679 --> 00:05:50.512
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Delivery on five.
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I repeat, delivery on five.
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00:05:56.588 --> 00:05:58.886
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This is zero-three.
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I'm on your six, don't worry.
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00:05:59.224 --> 00:06:01.852
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Chalk-three's taking fire.
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Guns right, guns right.
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00:06:13.905 --> 00:06:16.032
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Lay that shit down!
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00:06:16.141 --> 00:06:17.438
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Come on!
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00:06:19.278 --> 00:06:21.576
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Come on, you damn dirty heathens!
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00:06:23.515 --> 00:06:25.710
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Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
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over there,
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00:06:25.817 --> 00:06:27.114
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hold these men off, now!
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00:06:27.219 --> 00:06:28.914
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We're fixing to lift off!
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00:06:29.021 --> 00:06:31.649
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Put some pep in your step, dick!
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Jelly-ass bitch!
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00:06:31.757 --> 00:06:35.056
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Wall-eye, wall-eye,
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this is boomer one-seven in the zee!
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00:06:35.894 --> 00:06:39.295
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I need fast movers
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on my yankee smoke, copy?
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00:06:39.398 --> 00:06:41.764
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Boomer, this is wall-eye.
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I got two-Alpha-four
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00:06:41.867 --> 00:06:44.097
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- snake and nape on the ready!
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- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!
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00:06:44.202 --> 00:06:45.362
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Holy shit!
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00:06:45.470 --> 00:06:47.267
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Get on that horn
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and get some firepower, boy!
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00:06:47.372 --> 00:06:48.372
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Jesus Christ!
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00:06:48.440 --> 00:06:49.532
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Listen, you cherry fuck,
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00:06:49.641 --> 00:06:53.133
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you call in that snake and nape
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and get us some boom-boom now!
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00:06:53.245 --> 00:06:55.713
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I'd do it myself
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but I'm kind of goddamn busy!
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00:06:55.814 --> 00:06:57.179
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I need an answer, boomer!
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00:06:57.282 --> 00:06:58.977
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Wall-eye, wall-eye!
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00:06:59.418 --> 00:07:00.783
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I copy!
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00:07:01.019 --> 00:07:03.317
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We got beaucoup zips in the zee.
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00:07:03.422 --> 00:07:04.912
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Rock and roll!
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00:07:05.290 --> 00:07:06.780
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What the fuck?
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00:07:18.737 --> 00:07:21.171
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That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!
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00:07:21.273 --> 00:07:23.207
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I think I can put it back in!
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00:07:23.308 --> 00:07:25.071
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We got to get back to the bird.
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00:07:25.177 --> 00:07:26.269
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Lukemeyer's got popped!
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00:07:26.378 --> 00:07:29.313
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This is the last Christmas
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I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!
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00:07:29.481 --> 00:07:32.177
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Want some? Get some!
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00:07:32.617 --> 00:07:35.450
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Hey, yo, fats! I ain't seen four leaf!
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00:07:35.554 --> 00:07:38.750
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Don't count him out! That bastard's
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got luck tattooed to his ass!
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00:07:38.890 --> 00:07:41.882
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Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
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jheri curl ass
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00:07:41.993 --> 00:07:44.223
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in this chickenshit chop-chop! Asafp!
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00:07:44.329 --> 00:07:46.209
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Four leaf is still
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outside the perimeter, sarge!
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00:07:46.264 --> 00:07:49.290
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Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
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We di di mau! We di di mau!
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00:07:49.434 --> 00:07:51.061
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Come on, sarge. Stop jiving.
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Four leaf is there.
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00:07:51.169 --> 00:07:52.864
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Dead meat, soldier!
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00:07:53.071 --> 00:07:54.971
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Or do you want to be a hero?
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00:07:55.073 --> 00:07:57.073
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That's just how Brooks
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got his Jew ass killed, man.
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00:07:57.075 --> 00:07:59.771
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And meatball's dago ass
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bought the six-by-three farm.
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00:07:59.878 --> 00:08:03.575
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Now get your ass up in the huey, before
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I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!
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00:08:05.183 --> 00:08:06.582
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Come on, get down, get down!
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00:08:06.685 --> 00:08:08.710
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What am I looking at? What is this?
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00:08:09.621 --> 00:08:13.580
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Come on, let's get, let's go!
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Come on, elevator up, up!
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00:08:13.692 --> 00:08:16.217
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Sarge. It's four leaf.
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00:08:28.507 --> 00:08:29.565
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No!
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00:08:31.910 --> 00:08:33.434
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You get out of that hole!
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00:08:45.490 --> 00:08:47.355
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You make it home, now.
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00:08:54.800 --> 00:08:56.062
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Survive!
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00:09:10.849 --> 00:09:12.874
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I hope y'all like hamburger meat.
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00:09:12.984 --> 00:09:15.064
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'Cause that's exactly what
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I'm gonna be bringing back
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00:09:15.153 --> 00:09:17.178
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and serving up in this whirly bird.
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00:09:17.289 --> 00:09:19.780
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Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
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00:09:25.430 --> 00:09:28.661
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Peek-a-boo! I see you!
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00:09:30.702 --> 00:09:32.431
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Hold on, four leaf!
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00:09:35.073 --> 00:09:36.404
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Oh, shit!
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00:09:44.216 --> 00:09:45.706
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Watch my right!
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00:09:48.487 --> 00:09:50.455
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Fuck you, Charlie!
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00:09:55.427 --> 00:09:57.691
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Come on, leaf, let's boogie!
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00:10:04.870 --> 00:10:07.730
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No!
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00:10:10.909 --> 00:10:13.002
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- Fats!
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- Holy fuck!
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00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:16.839
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Take us over to those men! Shit!
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00:10:21.319 --> 00:10:24.288
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Look at you, man.
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Playing with grenades.
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00:10:27.792 --> 00:10:29.054
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I'm cold, Linc.
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00:10:31.096 --> 00:10:32.927
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I can't feel my legs.
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00:10:34.065 --> 00:10:36.056
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Ain't nothing but a thang.
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00:10:39.638 --> 00:10:40.969
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Hey, Linc.
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00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:43.305
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What, man?
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00:10:44.543 --> 00:10:46.636
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Why does man
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00:10:46.745 --> 00:10:49.680
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got to pick up sticks
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against another man?
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00:10:51.883 --> 00:10:54.181
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Instead of using them sticks to
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00:10:55.554 --> 00:10:57.146
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prop a man up?
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00:10:57.255 --> 00:10:58.882
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I'll never know.
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00:11:00.191 --> 00:11:04.358
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Hold my hands, 'cause
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I got something to...
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00:11:04.462 --> 00:11:06.327
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I got something to say.
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00:11:07.732 --> 00:11:09.393
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Oh, boy.
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00:11:13.538 --> 00:11:16.234
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- You holding 'em?
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- I got 'em tight.
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00:11:18.977 --> 00:11:20.638
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When we get back to the world,
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00:11:21.112 --> 00:11:25.276
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we gonna put together that three-piece
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combo band we talked about?
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00:11:25.383 --> 00:11:28.375
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- Me on stand-up bass.
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- Johnny on drums.
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00:11:29.854 --> 00:11:31.981
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And me tickling the ivories.
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00:11:34.092 --> 00:11:37.357
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I ain't never been worth a nothing
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in this life,
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00:11:37.462 --> 00:11:40.226
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but I want you to know something.
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00:11:41.299 --> 00:11:42.596
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What, man?
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00:11:44.502 --> 00:11:45.799
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You are my...
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00:11:47.305 --> 00:11:49.000
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You are my brother.
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00:12:01.987 --> 00:12:07.015
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You are my brother.
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You are my... you are my...
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00:12:07.192 --> 00:12:08.819
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I am your brother.
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00:12:12.330 --> 00:12:14.059
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I'm sorry. Could we cut?
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00:12:14.165 --> 00:12:15.766
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- What's he saying?
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- Damien, can we cut?
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00:12:15.767 --> 00:12:17.428
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- No. No, no, no, no, no...
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- All right, you know what?
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00:12:17.535 --> 00:12:20.527
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We got the jets coming in,
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big explosion, two minutes.
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00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:21.731
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Still rolling.
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00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:23.467
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You know what? No, not still rolling.
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Can we cut?
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00:12:23.575 --> 00:12:25.236
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- We're cutting.
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- No, we're not. Get out!
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00:12:25.343 --> 00:12:27.343
|
|
Hey, what's going on?
|
|
For real, my butt is hurting!
|
|
|
|
00:12:27.412 --> 00:12:29.539
|
|
This harness is riding up my crack!
|
|
|
|
00:12:29.648 --> 00:12:32.116
|
|
- Damien, are we cutting?
|
|
- No! No! Still rolling!
|
|
|
|
00:12:32.217 --> 00:12:34.344
|
|
Mr. cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?
|
|
|
|
00:12:34.452 --> 00:12:37.615
|
|
No! No. I'm not cutting!
|
|
We're still rolling!
|
|
|
|
00:12:37.722 --> 00:12:38.780
|
|
Damien, what's the dealy, dude?
|
|
|
|
00:12:38.890 --> 00:12:40.687
|
|
Are we gonna blow
|
|
this tree line or what?
|
|
|
|
00:12:40.792 --> 00:12:42.353
|
|
Tuk tuk and Kim
|
|
got the blue balls here.
|
|
|
|
00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:43.688
|
|
I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!
|
|
|
|
00:12:43.795 --> 00:12:46.115
|
|
- Play it through. Still rolling!
|
|
- Dieter, can he hear me?
|
|
|
|
00:12:46.131 --> 00:12:48.691
|
|
That's c-4, dipshit. Put that back.
|
|
I said a detonator.
|
|
|
|
00:12:48.800 --> 00:12:51.166
|
|
I need some dudes up here
|
|
who speak American, God damn it!
|
|
|
|
00:12:51.269 --> 00:12:52.830
|
|
He's making
|
|
a fucking sweater back here.
|
|
|
|
00:12:52.837 --> 00:12:55.169
|
|
I'm trying to put tiger balm
|
|
on this jungle's nuts.
|
|
|
|
00:12:55.273 --> 00:12:56.433
|
|
Everyone, please shut up.
|
|
|
|
00:12:56.541 --> 00:12:58.742
|
|
The jets are coming in.
|
|
We only have one chance at this!
|
|
|
|
00:12:58.810 --> 00:13:00.209
|
|
And go!
|
|
|
|
00:13:00.311 --> 00:13:02.609
|
|
Let's do it. You feel it?
|
|
You feel me?
|
|
|
|
00:13:03.615 --> 00:13:05.981
|
|
- You are my...
|
|
- I am your brother.
|
|
|
|
00:13:06.451 --> 00:13:08.316
|
|
We've seen it all, man.
|
|
|
|
00:13:09.054 --> 00:13:10.054
|
|
I'm sorry, Damien?
|
|
|
|
00:13:10.155 --> 00:13:11.452
|
|
Are you seeing that?
|
|
|
|
00:13:11.556 --> 00:13:13.956
|
|
The little froggy on the boom Mike?
|
|
It's right in my eyeline.
|
|
|
|
00:13:15.860 --> 00:13:17.555
|
|
Donny! What's up, man?
|
|
|
|
00:13:18.229 --> 00:13:19.196
|
|
It's been there the whole show.
|
|
|
|
00:13:19.330 --> 00:13:20.354
|
|
Yeah, well it's right in my face,
|
|
|
|
00:13:20.465 --> 00:13:21.454
|
|
I'm staring at a frog,
|
|
I'm trying to feel...
|
|
|
|
00:13:21.566 --> 00:13:24.126
|
|
It's always the yellow frog that
|
|
brings them black frog on Fridays, man.
|
|
|
|
00:13:24.235 --> 00:13:25.930
|
|
Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.
|
|
|
|
00:13:26.037 --> 00:13:28.130
|
|
No, I didn't pee on her,
|
|
listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.
|
|
|
|
00:13:28.239 --> 00:13:30.764
|
|
The story is this. She was in the way
|
|
when I was peeing, she walked past.
|
|
|
|
00:13:30.875 --> 00:13:33.241
|
|
What the fuck is going on here?
|
|
|
|
00:13:33.344 --> 00:13:35.505
|
|
On three, baby. One, two, breathe.
|
|
|
|
00:13:35.613 --> 00:13:38.138
|
|
Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
|
|
a countdown before I do the scene.
|
|
|
|
00:13:38.249 --> 00:13:39.307
|
|
- No countdown?
|
|
- No countdown.
|
|
|
|
00:13:39.417 --> 00:13:40.611
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
- Can we just do it off of "action"?
|
|
|
|
00:13:40.719 --> 00:13:42.277
|
|
Just... in your own time.
|
|
|
|
00:13:42.387 --> 00:13:44.184
|
|
- Good...
|
|
- I'm not a rocket ship, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:13:44.289 --> 00:13:45.916
|
|
- All right, dude.
|
|
- And action!
|
|
|
|
00:13:46.024 --> 00:13:48.959
|
|
Whatever floats your boat, baby.
|
|
Fuck! Don't die!
|
|
|
|
00:13:49.060 --> 00:13:51.494
|
|
Erika, get me a vitaminwater!
|
|
|
|
00:13:51.596 --> 00:13:53.157
|
|
You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.
|
|
|
|
00:13:53.164 --> 00:13:57.567
|
|
Not to get into his thing, but if
|
|
I'm crying, should osiris be crying, too?
|
|
|
|
00:13:57.669 --> 00:13:59.569
|
|
- No, it's everyone cry...
|
|
- We cutting or we crying?
|
|
|
|
00:13:59.671 --> 00:14:01.002
|
|
- No, no, no, we're crying!
|
|
- Just call it, man!
|
|
|
|
00:14:01.106 --> 00:14:03.233
|
|
- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
|
|
- Thanks!
|
|
|
|
00:14:03.341 --> 00:14:05.070
|
|
- Everybody cry...
|
|
- You know what?
|
|
|
|
00:14:05.176 --> 00:14:07.144
|
|
- You see how agitated he is now?
|
|
- I know.
|
|
|
|
00:14:07.245 --> 00:14:09.725
|
|
- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
|
|
- Okay. Still rolling!
|
|
|
|
00:14:10.081 --> 00:14:12.743
|
|
This is falcon one. We have the Ridge
|
|
in sight, approximately two Miles out.
|
|
|
|
00:14:12.851 --> 00:14:15.115
|
|
Dieter, these jets
|
|
are about to crest this Ridge line.
|
|
|
|
00:14:15.220 --> 00:14:17.154
|
|
They got about 200 pounds
|
|
of shit your pants.
|
|
|
|
00:14:17.255 --> 00:14:18.695
|
|
I need to know if we're ready to go.
|
|
|
|
00:14:21.059 --> 00:14:23.357
|
|
- You're my... you're my...
|
|
- I am your...
|
|
|
|
00:14:23.461 --> 00:14:26.919
|
|
See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
|
|
I think it's the line.
|
|
|
|
00:14:27.031 --> 00:14:28.055
|
|
Yeah?
|
|
|
|
00:14:28.166 --> 00:14:30.031
|
|
I don't know if four leaf
|
|
would say that... four leaf?
|
|
|
|
00:14:30.135 --> 00:14:32.467
|
|
Were you crying
|
|
when your hands blew up?
|
|
|
|
00:14:32.570 --> 00:14:34.197
|
|
No. See, he didn't.
|
|
Yeah, I mean, just that's what...
|
|
|
|
00:14:34.305 --> 00:14:35.863
|
|
So now we in re-writes, right?
|
|
|
|
00:14:35.974 --> 00:14:37.100
|
|
- Where you going?
|
|
- Let's re-write it!
|
|
|
|
00:14:37.208 --> 00:14:39.369
|
|
Action Jackson can't cry.
|
|
That's what's going down.
|
|
|
|
00:14:39.477 --> 00:14:41.445
|
|
You know what, kirk?
|
|
I'm ready to do the scene!
|
|
|
|
00:14:41.546 --> 00:14:45.107
|
|
What scene? The scene is
|
|
about emotionality. Where is it?
|
|
|
|
00:14:45.216 --> 00:14:46.808
|
|
- Now it's time to flip the script!
|
|
- Kirk...
|
|
|
|
00:14:46.918 --> 00:14:49.119
|
|
Be here till Chinese new year
|
|
waiting for my man to cry.
|
|
|
|
00:14:49.287 --> 00:14:51.255
|
|
You're tangling me,
|
|
you're fucking tangling me.
|
|
|
|
00:14:51.356 --> 00:14:52.636
|
|
You're tangling me, God damn it!
|
|
|
|
00:14:52.657 --> 00:14:55.490
|
|
- Kirk, no!
|
|
- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!
|
|
|
|
00:14:55.593 --> 00:14:57.390
|
|
I'm going potty.
|
|
You want to hold my dick?
|
|
|
|
00:14:57.862 --> 00:15:00.626
|
|
Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
|
|
good lord!
|
|
|
|
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.324
|
|
We're getting this in a wide shot, right?
|
|
|
|
00:15:03.434 --> 00:15:04.958
|
|
Of course we're getting it
|
|
in a fucking wide.
|
|
|
|
00:15:05.069 --> 00:15:06.093
|
|
What, do you think
|
|
I'm a dick or something?
|
|
|
|
00:15:06.204 --> 00:15:09.339
|
|
Get that fucking food...
|
|
Here they come!
|
|
|
|
00:15:10.441 --> 00:15:12.841
|
|
- The planes are inbound!
|
|
- Shit! Shit!
|
|
|
|
00:15:12.944 --> 00:15:17.847
|
|
Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
|
|
Tropic tits!
|
|
|
|
00:15:17.949 --> 00:15:20.918
|
|
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
|
|
|
|
00:15:21.019 --> 00:15:23.078
|
|
Let's go freaking tet here!
|
|
|
|
00:15:23.188 --> 00:15:25.179
|
|
Goddamn shit-picking cock!
|
|
|
|
00:15:27.292 --> 00:15:28.884
|
|
That's my shit!
|
|
|
|
00:15:34.432 --> 00:15:37.367
|
|
Mother nature just pissed her pantsuit!
|
|
|
|
00:15:45.243 --> 00:15:46.471
|
|
- Sweet.
|
|
- Oh, mama!
|
|
|
|
00:15:49.280 --> 00:15:51.544
|
|
Bungle in the jungle.
|
|
|
|
00:15:51.649 --> 00:15:54.743
|
|
More bad news from the vietnamese set
|
|
of tropic thunder,
|
|
|
|
00:15:54.853 --> 00:15:58.584
|
|
where a $4 million explosion
|
|
charred the Asian location
|
|
|
|
00:15:58.690 --> 00:16:00.658
|
|
and the camera wasn't even rolling.
|
|
|
|
00:16:00.758 --> 00:16:03.420
|
|
Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
|
|
les Grossman,
|
|
|
|
00:16:03.528 --> 00:16:06.622
|
|
the film is already rumored to be
|
|
one month behind schedule
|
|
|
|
00:16:06.731 --> 00:16:09.598
|
|
just five days into shooting.
|
|
The reason?
|
|
|
|
00:16:09.701 --> 00:16:12.636
|
|
Fingers are pointed at rookie director
|
|
Damien cockburn,
|
|
|
|
00:16:12.737 --> 00:16:15.831
|
|
who, insiders say,
|
|
can't control a star-studded cast,
|
|
|
|
00:16:15.940 --> 00:16:20.639
|
|
including flatulent star of the popular
|
|
fatties franchise, Jeff portnoy.
|
|
|
|
00:16:20.745 --> 00:16:23.270
|
|
Let me tell you something.
|
|
A lot of people are disrespecting me.
|
|
|
|
00:16:23.381 --> 00:16:27.112
|
|
They say that the movie's
|
|
just about farts. It's about family,
|
|
|
|
00:16:27.218 --> 00:16:30.312
|
|
and... you! You can't do what I do.
|
|
|
|
00:16:30.421 --> 00:16:34.653
|
|
Fresh from his most recent arrest
|
|
for heroin, glue and crack possession,
|
|
|
|
00:16:34.759 --> 00:16:37.125
|
|
portnoy was almost uninsurable.
|
|
|
|
00:16:37.228 --> 00:16:41.562
|
|
Also in the mix is Booty sweat-hocking
|
|
hip-hop hyphenate alpa chino.
|
|
|
|
00:16:41.666 --> 00:16:44.157
|
|
I'm so excited, you know what I'm
|
|
saying, about doing tropic thunder.
|
|
|
|
00:16:44.269 --> 00:16:46.430
|
|
Hey, drink Booty sweat, baby.
|
|
Drink Booty sweat.
|
|
|
|
00:16:46.537 --> 00:16:48.198
|
|
But the real heavyweight on the set
|
|
|
|
00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:49.217
|
|
is five-time academy award winner
|
|
kirk Lazarus.
|
|
|
|
00:16:49.241 --> 00:16:51.082
|
|
Is five-time academy award winner
|
|
kirk Lazarus.
|
|
|
|
00:16:51.109 --> 00:16:54.840
|
|
The brilliant Australian
|
|
known for his bad boy antics off-screen
|
|
|
|
00:16:54.946 --> 00:16:58.541
|
|
is famous for his total immersion
|
|
into any role he portrays.
|
|
|
|
00:16:58.650 --> 00:16:59.947
|
|
Well, being an actor is no different
|
|
|
|
00:17:00.051 --> 00:17:02.246
|
|
than being a rugby player
|
|
or a construction worker,
|
|
|
|
00:17:02.353 --> 00:17:03.479
|
|
save for the fact that my tools
|
|
|
|
00:17:03.588 --> 00:17:05.647
|
|
are the mechanisms
|
|
that trigger human emotion.
|
|
|
|
00:17:05.757 --> 00:17:07.816
|
|
Lazarus underwent a controversial
|
|
|
|
00:17:07.926 --> 00:17:10.918
|
|
pigmentation alteration procedure
|
|
in order to play
|
|
|
|
00:17:11.029 --> 00:17:14.123
|
|
the platoon's African-American
|
|
sergeant, Lincoln osiris.
|
|
|
|
00:17:14.232 --> 00:17:15.665
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:17:15.767 --> 00:17:17.632
|
|
Trying to hold his own onscreen
|
|
with kirk
|
|
|
|
00:17:17.735 --> 00:17:19.862
|
|
is action juggernaut tugg speedman.
|
|
|
|
00:17:19.971 --> 00:17:22.769
|
|
Once the highest grossing star
|
|
in the world,
|
|
|
|
00:17:22.874 --> 00:17:25.934
|
|
lately his scorcher films
|
|
have lost their heat.
|
|
|
|
00:17:26.044 --> 00:17:28.638
|
|
Recently, speedman opened up to Tyra.
|
|
|
|
00:17:28.746 --> 00:17:30.680
|
|
You have no real family.
|
|
|
|
00:17:30.782 --> 00:17:35.219
|
|
You're on the wrong side of 40.
|
|
You're childless and alone.
|
|
|
|
00:17:35.320 --> 00:17:37.015
|
|
Somebody close to you said,
|
|
|
|
00:17:37.121 --> 00:17:39.919
|
|
"one more flop and it's over."
|
|
|
|
00:17:42.026 --> 00:17:44.119
|
|
Somebody said they were close to me?
|
|
|
|
00:17:45.063 --> 00:17:46.189
|
|
It's been a tough year for tugg.
|
|
|
|
00:17:46.297 --> 00:17:49.061
|
|
The disappointing buddy comedy
|
|
chitlin' & the dude
|
|
|
|
00:17:49.167 --> 00:17:53.831
|
|
was followed by an ill-advised venture
|
|
into serious dramatic territory.
|
|
|
|
00:17:53.938 --> 00:17:55.030
|
|
Simple Jack,
|
|
|
|
00:17:55.139 --> 00:17:58.870
|
|
the story of a mentally impaired
|
|
farmhand who can talk to animals,
|
|
|
|
00:17:58.977 --> 00:18:00.842
|
|
was a box office disaster
|
|
|
|
00:18:00.945 --> 00:18:05.541
|
|
that many critics called,
|
|
"one of the worst movies of all time."
|
|
|
|
00:18:05.650 --> 00:18:09.279
|
|
I ain't got a good brain.
|
|
|
|
00:18:10.288 --> 00:18:13.189
|
|
I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.
|
|
|
|
00:18:13.291 --> 00:18:18.456
|
|
You make me happy.
|
|
|
|
00:18:19.998 --> 00:18:24.435
|
|
But now the question is,
|
|
can speedman make audiences happy
|
|
|
|
00:18:24.535 --> 00:18:26.298
|
|
in what's being called
|
|
the most expensive
|
|
|
|
00:18:26.404 --> 00:18:28.668
|
|
- war movie never made?
|
|
- Rick peck.
|
|
|
|
00:18:28.773 --> 00:18:30.293
|
|
Wishing tugg all the best on that one.
|
|
|
|
00:18:30.375 --> 00:18:34.709
|
|
Rum-tum-tuggernauts, it's the pecker.
|
|
You got time for your agent?
|
|
|
|
00:18:34.812 --> 00:18:36.074
|
|
- Rick?
|
|
- Hey, buddy,
|
|
|
|
00:18:36.180 --> 00:18:37.738
|
|
guess who I'm staring at right now.
|
|
|
|
00:18:37.849 --> 00:18:39.510
|
|
- What?
|
|
- I'm looking at your ugly mug
|
|
|
|
00:18:39.617 --> 00:18:41.915
|
|
on the back cover
|
|
of vanity fair magazine,
|
|
|
|
00:18:42.020 --> 00:18:44.454
|
|
holding a cute, cuddly panda
|
|
from cutesville.
|
|
|
|
00:18:44.555 --> 00:18:47.149
|
|
It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
|
|
|
|
00:18:47.258 --> 00:18:49.852
|
|
Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?
|
|
|
|
00:18:49.961 --> 00:18:50.985
|
|
From Rick.
|
|
|
|
00:18:51.095 --> 00:18:53.188
|
|
Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.
|
|
|
|
00:18:53.297 --> 00:18:55.857
|
|
All right,
|
|
that is a real satellite phone, bro.
|
|
|
|
00:18:55.967 --> 00:18:57.559
|
|
Do not re-gift.
|
|
|
|
00:18:57.668 --> 00:19:00.159
|
|
Hey. You see
|
|
that access Hollywood piece?
|
|
|
|
00:19:00.271 --> 00:19:03.206
|
|
Yeah, I did.
|
|
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.
|
|
|
|
00:19:03.307 --> 00:19:07.744
|
|
I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
|
|
tugg. You are a huge star, all right?
|
|
|
|
00:19:07.845 --> 00:19:09.312
|
|
But right now,
|
|
|
|
00:19:09.414 --> 00:19:10.972
|
|
you're like that kid on the playground,
|
|
you know,
|
|
|
|
00:19:11.082 --> 00:19:14.051
|
|
the one who has lice that none
|
|
of the other kids want to play with?
|
|
|
|
00:19:14.152 --> 00:19:16.232
|
|
- What do you mean?
|
|
- I mean we gotta shave your head
|
|
|
|
00:19:16.254 --> 00:19:18.722
|
|
and get you back
|
|
on the monkey bars, right?
|
|
|
|
00:19:18.823 --> 00:19:20.154
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
00:19:20.258 --> 00:19:22.123
|
|
How did the crying scene go?
|
|
|
|
00:19:22.226 --> 00:19:23.989
|
|
Horrible. Lazarus started crying.
|
|
|
|
00:19:24.095 --> 00:19:27.258
|
|
Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
|
|
and it wasn't even in the script...
|
|
|
|
00:19:27.365 --> 00:19:28.457
|
|
Stop right there!
|
|
|
|
00:19:28.566 --> 00:19:30.295
|
|
You gotta buck up here, tuggboat.
|
|
|
|
00:19:30.401 --> 00:19:33.097
|
|
Who cares how much more talented
|
|
he may be than you?
|
|
|
|
00:19:33.204 --> 00:19:36.571
|
|
If he cries, you cry harder, man.
|
|
|
|
00:19:36.674 --> 00:19:38.835
|
|
Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
|
|
or something
|
|
|
|
00:19:38.943 --> 00:19:40.308
|
|
when you were a kid?
|
|
I mean, think of that.
|
|
|
|
00:19:40.411 --> 00:19:44.177
|
|
Boom! End of story.
|
|
They hook up the TiVo yet?
|
|
|
|
00:19:44.282 --> 00:19:45.544
|
|
Good gosh.
|
|
|
|
00:19:45.650 --> 00:19:47.481
|
|
- What?
|
|
- The TiVo, they hook it up?
|
|
|
|
00:19:47.585 --> 00:19:49.849
|
|
- No. The guy didn't come.
|
|
- What?
|
|
|
|
00:19:49.954 --> 00:19:52.548
|
|
For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.
|
|
|
|
00:19:52.657 --> 00:19:54.557
|
|
They have digital cable, but,
|
|
I mean, it's okay.
|
|
|
|
00:19:54.659 --> 00:19:56.889
|
|
No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.
|
|
|
|
00:19:56.994 --> 00:19:59.121
|
|
It is not okay, tugg!
|
|
|
|
00:19:59.230 --> 00:20:02.358
|
|
And you don't need to explain to me
|
|
why you need TiVo
|
|
|
|
00:20:02.467 --> 00:20:06.403
|
|
or clean water, clean sheets,
|
|
food, shelter.
|
|
|
|
00:20:06.504 --> 00:20:09.598
|
|
I mean, I fought for that in your contract.
|
|
|
|
00:20:09.707 --> 00:20:11.766
|
|
How's the adoption thing coming,
|
|
buddy?
|
|
|
|
00:20:11.876 --> 00:20:13.901
|
|
Not too great.
|
|
|
|
00:20:17.148 --> 00:20:19.844
|
|
I feel like all the good ones are gone.
|
|
|
|
00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:23.817
|
|
Well, at least you get to choose yours.
|
|
|
|
00:20:23.921 --> 00:20:25.752
|
|
I'm stuck with mine.
|
|
|
|
00:20:27.658 --> 00:20:30.183
|
|
Tell you what, get back to work,
|
|
genius soldier.
|
|
|
|
00:20:30.294 --> 00:20:33.161
|
|
The pecker's on a TiVo mission
|
|
for the y-o-u.
|
|
|
|
00:20:33.264 --> 00:20:35.027
|
|
Work on those tears, my man.
|
|
|
|
00:20:35.133 --> 00:20:36.225
|
|
All right. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:20:36.334 --> 00:20:37.892
|
|
Say it for me one time.
|
|
|
|
00:20:38.002 --> 00:20:42.268
|
|
- You make me happy.
|
|
- Make me happy.
|
|
|
|
00:20:42.373 --> 00:20:43.965
|
|
- I love you, buddy.
|
|
- All right, bye.
|
|
|
|
00:20:44.876 --> 00:20:46.867
|
|
Crisis meeting?
|
|
What does that mean, exactly?
|
|
|
|
00:20:46.978 --> 00:20:48.639
|
|
I mean, are we in a crisis?
|
|
|
|
00:20:48.746 --> 00:20:50.270
|
|
He's the head of the studio.
|
|
|
|
00:20:50.381 --> 00:20:52.747
|
|
He's reaching out.
|
|
We're 10,000 Miles away.
|
|
|
|
00:20:52.850 --> 00:20:53.942
|
|
He just wants a little face-time.
|
|
|
|
00:20:54.051 --> 00:20:56.732
|
|
I know, it's just you said
|
|
that he called it a crisis meeting. So...
|
|
|
|
00:20:56.754 --> 00:20:59.154
|
|
It's les Grossman.
|
|
He throws these words around.
|
|
|
|
00:20:59.257 --> 00:21:03.660
|
|
"Crisis," "explosion,"
|
|
"not rolling," "fired."
|
|
|
|
00:21:03.761 --> 00:21:05.092
|
|
These are just words.
|
|
|
|
00:21:05.196 --> 00:21:07.289
|
|
Yeah! Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:21:07.398 --> 00:21:10.697
|
|
Keep a secret? A camera truck
|
|
in London just plowed into judi dench.
|
|
|
|
00:21:10.801 --> 00:21:11.927
|
|
Trust me, he's got bigger problems.
|
|
|
|
00:21:12.036 --> 00:21:14.504
|
|
Look, he may be able to see me,
|
|
but I can't see him.
|
|
|
|
00:21:14.605 --> 00:21:19.133
|
|
- Move! Move! Hello, les! Hello!
|
|
- Get your ass out of my...
|
|
|
|
00:21:19.243 --> 00:21:20.676
|
|
- Your feet were on my desk.
|
|
- Can he see us?
|
|
|
|
00:21:20.778 --> 00:21:22.109
|
|
I don't know why we don't have...
|
|
|
|
00:21:22.213 --> 00:21:24.374
|
|
Get him a diet coke. Les! It's working!
|
|
|
|
00:21:24.482 --> 00:21:26.973
|
|
Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
|
|
Hello, les!
|
|
|
|
00:21:27.084 --> 00:21:28.483
|
|
- Hello, les!
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:21:28.586 --> 00:21:30.645
|
|
We got you loud and clear here, les.
|
|
|
|
00:21:30.755 --> 00:21:34.452
|
|
I see you. I see you. I see you.
|
|
|
|
00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:37.687
|
|
Which one of you fuckfaces
|
|
is Damien cockburn?
|
|
|
|
00:21:38.696 --> 00:21:40.220
|
|
That's me, sir.
|
|
|
|
00:21:40.331 --> 00:21:43.858
|
|
It's good to finally meet you at last,
|
|
get some face-time.
|
|
|
|
00:21:43.968 --> 00:21:47.927
|
|
And who here is the key grip?
|
|
You? You.
|
|
|
|
00:21:49.941 --> 00:21:53.399
|
|
Hit that director in the face,
|
|
really fucking hard.
|
|
|
|
00:22:00.284 --> 00:22:01.615
|
|
Sorry, man.
|
|
|
|
00:22:08.125 --> 00:22:11.026
|
|
This is your fault, you limey fuck!
|
|
|
|
00:22:11.128 --> 00:22:12.993
|
|
You shit the money-bed, my friend.
|
|
|
|
00:22:13.097 --> 00:22:15.622
|
|
- What?
|
|
- God damn it, Damien!
|
|
|
|
00:22:15.733 --> 00:22:18.827
|
|
With all due respect, les Grossman did
|
|
not blow up the jungle.
|
|
|
|
00:22:18.936 --> 00:22:20.028
|
|
- What?
|
|
- Fuck the jungle.
|
|
|
|
00:22:20.137 --> 00:22:21.468
|
|
Exactly!
|
|
|
|
00:22:22.173 --> 00:22:23.640
|
|
Come on, man.
|
|
|
|
00:22:24.375 --> 00:22:27.105
|
|
Hey, les, I understand if you're angry,
|
|
|
|
00:22:27.211 --> 00:22:29.202
|
|
but I am dealing
|
|
with a bunch of prima Donnas!
|
|
|
|
00:22:29.313 --> 00:22:32.805
|
|
Clowns! Tugg speedman, he can't cry!
|
|
He can't cry!
|
|
|
|
00:22:32.917 --> 00:22:35.317
|
|
You know how you handle an actor?
|
|
They whine about anything,
|
|
|
|
00:22:35.419 --> 00:22:38.718
|
|
you pull down their pants
|
|
and you spank their ass.
|
|
|
|
00:22:38.823 --> 00:22:41.018
|
|
- You spank that ass, les.
|
|
- What?
|
|
|
|
00:22:41.125 --> 00:22:44.891
|
|
Spanking a child
|
|
turns him into a little snot.
|
|
|
|
00:22:45.763 --> 00:22:48.664
|
|
Fear makes him a man.
|
|
|
|
00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:54.296
|
|
I know a place
|
|
where a man's worth is measured
|
|
|
|
00:22:54.405 --> 00:22:58.205
|
|
in the ears hanging from his dog tags.
|
|
|
|
00:22:58.309 --> 00:23:01.039
|
|
The real deep shit.
|
|
|
|
00:23:01.145 --> 00:23:03.739
|
|
You wanna make this movie right?
|
|
|
|
00:23:03.848 --> 00:23:07.340
|
|
That's where you take
|
|
your pansy-ass actors.
|
|
|
|
00:23:08.919 --> 00:23:10.784
|
|
Who is this guy?
|
|
|
|
00:23:10.888 --> 00:23:12.788
|
|
Les, that's four leaf.
|
|
|
|
00:23:12.890 --> 00:23:16.189
|
|
Sergeant four leaf tayback.
|
|
I wrote the book.
|
|
|
|
00:23:18.396 --> 00:23:22.457
|
|
You're a great American.
|
|
This nation owes you a huge debt.
|
|
|
|
00:23:22.566 --> 00:23:25.535
|
|
Now shut the fuck up
|
|
and let me do my job!
|
|
|
|
00:23:26.404 --> 00:23:27.871
|
|
- Look, cockburn.
|
|
- Yes.
|
|
|
|
00:23:27.972 --> 00:23:31.999
|
|
From now on, my fist
|
|
is gonna be so far up your shithole
|
|
|
|
00:23:32.109 --> 00:23:33.509
|
|
that every time you have a thought,
|
|
|
|
00:23:33.577 --> 00:23:36.603
|
|
it's gonna have to tiptoe
|
|
past my wedding ring.
|
|
|
|
00:23:36.714 --> 00:23:40.241
|
|
Take control of your actors,
|
|
or I will shut you down.
|
|
|
|
00:23:40.351 --> 00:23:41.443
|
|
Diet coke!
|
|
|
|
00:23:59.203 --> 00:24:01.398
|
|
One week down, two weeks behind,
|
|
|
|
00:24:01.505 --> 00:24:05.305
|
|
gi Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
|
|
ain't got the camera turned on anyway.
|
|
|
|
00:24:05.409 --> 00:24:06.808
|
|
Let's party!
|
|
|
|
00:24:07.745 --> 00:24:09.645
|
|
Man, you better get your shit straight,
|
|
|
|
00:24:09.747 --> 00:24:12.614
|
|
or I'll be on the next netjet out of here,
|
|
baby. You feel me?
|
|
|
|
00:24:13.484 --> 00:24:14.484
|
|
- You feel that?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:24:14.552 --> 00:24:17.077
|
|
Here comes another.
|
|
There we go. Now what?
|
|
|
|
00:24:17.455 --> 00:24:19.787
|
|
- Sandusky. Good.
|
|
- Hey, Mr. cockburn.
|
|
|
|
00:24:19.890 --> 00:24:21.755
|
|
We need to have a cast meeting
|
|
right now.
|
|
|
|
00:24:21.859 --> 00:24:23.156
|
|
- Right now? Awesome.
|
|
- Yes.
|
|
|
|
00:24:23.260 --> 00:24:24.454
|
|
You actually care, don't you?
|
|
|
|
00:24:24.562 --> 00:24:27.156
|
|
Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
|
|
are you kidding?
|
|
|
|
00:24:27.264 --> 00:24:29.232
|
|
I've spent the past two years of my life
|
|
|
|
00:24:29.333 --> 00:24:33.030
|
|
living off residuals from a anti-herpes
|
|
medication commercial.
|
|
|
|
00:24:33.137 --> 00:24:34.297
|
|
I know, you're the only one
|
|
who auditioned,
|
|
|
|
00:24:34.405 --> 00:24:35.963
|
|
the only one who did
|
|
the two-week boot camp.
|
|
|
|
00:24:36.073 --> 00:24:37.734
|
|
Hey, hey, alpa.
|
|
|
|
00:24:38.442 --> 00:24:40.910
|
|
I'm the director. He's...
|
|
I need to speak to my actor.
|
|
|
|
00:24:41.011 --> 00:24:42.239
|
|
All right, hold up. Chino?
|
|
|
|
00:24:42.346 --> 00:24:44.109
|
|
What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?
|
|
|
|
00:24:45.049 --> 00:24:46.539
|
|
This about
|
|
the Booty sweat cross-promotion?
|
|
|
|
00:24:46.650 --> 00:24:47.674
|
|
No, it's about the film.
|
|
|
|
00:24:47.785 --> 00:24:49.776
|
|
Oh, the film and Booty sweat's
|
|
the same thing. Give him a shot.
|
|
|
|
00:24:50.154 --> 00:24:52.281
|
|
Hey, how you doing, Jeff?
|
|
|
|
00:24:52.390 --> 00:24:55.848
|
|
- Who are you?
|
|
- That's awesome, man.
|
|
|
|
00:24:58.129 --> 00:25:02.862
|
|
Kevin. Kevin sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
|
|
we've been working together.
|
|
|
|
00:25:02.967 --> 00:25:04.559
|
|
Oh, right, right. I like you.
|
|
|
|
00:25:04.668 --> 00:25:06.636
|
|
Man, it's a real honor to be here...
|
|
|
|
00:25:06.737 --> 00:25:08.034
|
|
I can tell it's gonna be
|
|
a good experience.
|
|
|
|
00:25:08.139 --> 00:25:09.339
|
|
I'm really having a good time.
|
|
|
|
00:25:09.373 --> 00:25:11.000
|
|
Hey, can you help me out, man?
|
|
I'm looking for this guy.
|
|
|
|
00:25:11.108 --> 00:25:15.272
|
|
The grip with the bandana.
|
|
He's got a package for me.
|
|
|
|
00:25:15.746 --> 00:25:18.146
|
|
There he is, fucker. Dragon!
|
|
|
|
00:25:19.250 --> 00:25:21.081
|
|
What the fuck? Oh, buddy!
|
|
|
|
00:25:21.218 --> 00:25:22.583
|
|
I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?
|
|
|
|
00:25:22.686 --> 00:25:24.813
|
|
I'm gonna have v.C. Soldiers
|
|
in the video
|
|
|
|
00:25:24.922 --> 00:25:26.219
|
|
doing the noodle-legs, Damien.
|
|
|
|
00:25:26.323 --> 00:25:30.692
|
|
Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
|
|
the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien.
|
|
|
|
00:25:30.928 --> 00:25:32.688
|
|
It's good, I love it, great.
|
|
But I need to...
|
|
|
|
00:25:32.696 --> 00:25:35.688
|
|
V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
|
|
Hit it, baby.
|
|
|
|
00:25:35.833 --> 00:25:37.494
|
|
Hell yeah, get it. Get it, cornbread.
|
|
|
|
00:25:39.670 --> 00:25:40.830
|
|
Alpa!
|
|
|
|
00:25:40.938 --> 00:25:42.418
|
|
Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.
|
|
|
|
00:25:42.473 --> 00:25:43.473
|
|
Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!
|
|
|
|
00:25:43.541 --> 00:25:45.661
|
|
Can we call him back?
|
|
I've got to have a cast meeting.
|
|
|
|
00:25:49.146 --> 00:25:51.478
|
|
When we put aside our differences,
|
|
|
|
00:25:51.582 --> 00:25:54.449
|
|
we see we're kind of the same.
|
|
|
|
00:25:55.352 --> 00:25:58.879
|
|
When we put aside our differences,
|
|
we see
|
|
|
|
00:26:00.558 --> 00:26:02.423
|
|
we're kind of the same.
|
|
|
|
00:26:03.194 --> 00:26:04.991
|
|
Let's be friends.
|
|
|
|
00:26:05.296 --> 00:26:07.924
|
|
I know we can do great things together.
|
|
|
|
00:26:10.034 --> 00:26:13.800
|
|
That's a quotation from
|
|
a children's book I co-wrote,
|
|
|
|
00:26:14.572 --> 00:26:16.699
|
|
the boy everybody was jealous of.
|
|
|
|
00:26:16.807 --> 00:26:18.536
|
|
I think it pertains to the journey...
|
|
|
|
00:26:18.642 --> 00:26:19.973
|
|
Simple Jack sucked ass!
|
|
|
|
00:26:21.045 --> 00:26:23.445
|
|
All right, who said that? It's not funny.
|
|
|
|
00:26:23.547 --> 00:26:25.310
|
|
Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:26:32.623 --> 00:26:35.319
|
|
When the herd loses its way,
|
|
|
|
00:26:35.426 --> 00:26:39.863
|
|
the Shepherd must kill
|
|
the bull that leads them astray.
|
|
|
|
00:26:41.699 --> 00:26:44.964
|
|
- Four leaf?
|
|
- Come on over. It's okay.
|
|
|
|
00:26:46.637 --> 00:26:48.127
|
|
- Sit down.
|
|
- Yes.
|
|
|
|
00:26:49.540 --> 00:26:54.637
|
|
- So, you don't like the hotel?
|
|
- Beds give me nightmares.
|
|
|
|
00:26:59.683 --> 00:27:04.882
|
|
I'm guessing right about now
|
|
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin
|
|
|
|
00:27:04.989 --> 00:27:09.323
|
|
with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
|
|
and showing you the way.
|
|
|
|
00:27:16.133 --> 00:27:17.464
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
00:27:17.701 --> 00:27:19.293
|
|
You're a riddle
|
|
|
|
00:27:20.804 --> 00:27:23.739
|
|
with no cheese to maze through.
|
|
|
|
00:27:25.643 --> 00:27:26.643
|
|
Don't you get it?
|
|
|
|
00:27:26.710 --> 00:27:30.441
|
|
No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
|
|
or something. I don't know.
|
|
|
|
00:27:30.548 --> 00:27:34.484
|
|
I put my story in your limp brit hands,
|
|
|
|
00:27:34.585 --> 00:27:38.021
|
|
and you are not going to fail me.
|
|
|
|
00:27:38.122 --> 00:27:41.717
|
|
You think I was just blowing
|
|
my own bagpipe in that meeting?
|
|
|
|
00:27:41.825 --> 00:27:45.659
|
|
You must put those boys in the shit.
|
|
|
|
00:27:45.763 --> 00:27:47.321
|
|
What? I don't understand.
|
|
|
|
00:27:47.431 --> 00:27:50.696
|
|
- You wanna make your movie or not?
|
|
- Yes, I do.
|
|
|
|
00:27:50.801 --> 00:27:54.293
|
|
All right, you get
|
|
some of those little video type cameras.
|
|
|
|
00:27:54.405 --> 00:27:58.034
|
|
We take them out there, and we put
|
|
them in the trees in different angles.
|
|
|
|
00:27:58.142 --> 00:28:01.475
|
|
Then you give me
|
|
and that pyromaniac Cody
|
|
|
|
00:28:01.579 --> 00:28:06.448
|
|
all the smoke bombs, charges,
|
|
explosives, detonators you got.
|
|
|
|
00:28:06.550 --> 00:28:08.984
|
|
Then we take those boys up there,
|
|
|
|
00:28:09.086 --> 00:28:12.180
|
|
me and Cody,
|
|
we could light up that fucking jungle,
|
|
|
|
00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:15.224
|
|
so those lily-dick actors
|
|
would be shitting their pants
|
|
|
|
00:28:15.326 --> 00:28:17.317
|
|
and screaming for their mammies.
|
|
|
|
00:28:17.428 --> 00:28:20.886
|
|
They'd be begging for a body bag
|
|
if it means a ride home.
|
|
|
|
00:28:23.734 --> 00:28:25.258
|
|
I could do it.
|
|
|
|
00:28:26.036 --> 00:28:29.472
|
|
I could shoot the whole thing
|
|
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.
|
|
|
|
00:28:29.573 --> 00:28:32.906
|
|
Get them away from their helpers
|
|
and ass-licking assistants.
|
|
|
|
00:28:33.010 --> 00:28:34.102
|
|
Put them in the real shit.
|
|
|
|
00:28:34.211 --> 00:28:35.405
|
|
- Real shit.
|
|
- With real fear in their eyes!
|
|
|
|
00:28:35.512 --> 00:28:38.572
|
|
Real fear, real emotion!
|
|
Yes, four leaf, yes!
|
|
|
|
00:28:38.682 --> 00:28:40.775
|
|
- Yes! Yes!
|
|
- Yes! Yes!
|
|
|
|
00:28:40.884 --> 00:28:42.647
|
|
Take them off the fucking grid!
|
|
|
|
00:29:00.104 --> 00:29:02.868
|
|
You are no longer actors in a movie!
|
|
|
|
00:29:03.974 --> 00:29:06.704
|
|
You are five men in a helicopter!
|
|
|
|
00:29:08.479 --> 00:29:10.242
|
|
With three other men!
|
|
|
|
00:29:15.886 --> 00:29:17.410
|
|
How long are we gonna be gone,
|
|
anyways?
|
|
|
|
00:29:17.521 --> 00:29:21.582
|
|
'Cause I left most of my vitamins
|
|
back at the hotel.
|
|
|
|
00:29:21.692 --> 00:29:24.252
|
|
- Save your breath, maggots!
|
|
- That's right, maggots!
|
|
|
|
00:29:36.340 --> 00:29:37.602
|
|
M&M?
|
|
|
|
00:29:39.510 --> 00:29:40.807
|
|
M&M?
|
|
|
|
00:30:00.597 --> 00:30:04.133
|
|
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
|
|
|
|
00:30:04.568 --> 00:30:07.731
|
|
Move it, maggots, move!
|
|
Move, grunts, move your ass!
|
|
|
|
00:30:07.838 --> 00:30:10.136
|
|
Get out, you wriggly worms!
|
|
|
|
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:12.708
|
|
- It's up too high!
|
|
- Move, move, move!
|
|
|
|
00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:17.909
|
|
See you in hell!
|
|
|
|
00:30:29.426 --> 00:30:33.624
|
|
This is bullshit!
|
|
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.
|
|
|
|
00:30:34.898 --> 00:30:37.628
|
|
Fucking! Jesus! Dude!
|
|
|
|
00:30:39.103 --> 00:30:41.333
|
|
You're sitting on a nest
|
|
of hostile enemy v.C.
|
|
|
|
00:30:41.438 --> 00:30:44.874
|
|
Congratulations, fats.
|
|
You just got us all killed.
|
|
|
|
00:30:45.876 --> 00:30:49.471
|
|
Anybody else care to give away
|
|
our position to Charlie?
|
|
|
|
00:30:49.580 --> 00:30:51.343
|
|
Cell phones!
|
|
|
|
00:30:51.448 --> 00:30:52.915
|
|
What the hell, Damien?
|
|
|
|
00:30:53.016 --> 00:30:56.713
|
|
Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
|
|
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.
|
|
|
|
00:30:56.820 --> 00:31:00.221
|
|
Gentlemen, I've got good news
|
|
and bad news.
|
|
|
|
00:31:00.324 --> 00:31:03.816
|
|
The studio wants to shut us down.
|
|
That's the bad news.
|
|
|
|
00:31:03.961 --> 00:31:06.259
|
|
And the good news.
|
|
|
|
00:31:06.363 --> 00:31:09.264
|
|
If you wanna save this movie,
|
|
you will become a unit.
|
|
|
|
00:31:09.366 --> 00:31:13.132
|
|
Your objective is to head north
|
|
to the d'ang kwook river
|
|
|
|
00:31:13.237 --> 00:31:14.727
|
|
and liberate the pow camp,
|
|
|
|
00:31:14.838 --> 00:31:18.103
|
|
at which point four leaf
|
|
will get himself captured,
|
|
|
|
00:31:18.208 --> 00:31:20.005
|
|
at which point you will rescue him,
|
|
|
|
00:31:20.110 --> 00:31:23.477
|
|
at which point
|
|
we will chopper you home!
|
|
|
|
00:31:24.681 --> 00:31:25.773
|
|
Damn.
|
|
|
|
00:31:25.883 --> 00:31:27.680
|
|
Four leaf,
|
|
since you're the staff sergeant,
|
|
|
|
00:31:27.785 --> 00:31:30.185
|
|
there's the map, this is the scene list.
|
|
|
|
00:31:30.287 --> 00:31:32.414
|
|
Think you can handle it?
|
|
|
|
00:31:32.523 --> 00:31:36.721
|
|
We have rigged this entire
|
|
valley of death with hidden cameras.
|
|
|
|
00:31:38.195 --> 00:31:41.824
|
|
And I will be shooting as well,
|
|
from unseen vantage points,
|
|
|
|
00:31:41.932 --> 00:31:45.527
|
|
so that every glorious moment
|
|
is captured on film.
|
|
|
|
00:31:46.804 --> 00:31:49.967
|
|
And believe me, gentlemen,
|
|
it will be glorious.
|
|
|
|
00:31:50.073 --> 00:31:52.598
|
|
If it looks real,
|
|
chances are it probably is.
|
|
|
|
00:31:52.709 --> 00:31:54.301
|
|
You wanted to be actors.
|
|
|
|
00:31:54.411 --> 00:31:57.005
|
|
You wanted to occupy
|
|
the skin of another human being.
|
|
|
|
00:31:57.114 --> 00:32:00.106
|
|
Well, get ready to occupy the skin
|
|
of a terrified U.S. infantry grunt,
|
|
|
|
00:32:00.217 --> 00:32:03.983
|
|
surrounded by death,
|
|
crawling up Satan's bottom.
|
|
|
|
00:32:05.022 --> 00:32:09.721
|
|
There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
|
|
your own little personal slice of 'nam.
|
|
|
|
00:32:09.827 --> 00:32:14.423
|
|
This radio goes to the chopper
|
|
and the chopper only.
|
|
|
|
00:32:14.531 --> 00:32:18.968
|
|
The chopper is God,
|
|
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.
|
|
|
|
00:32:19.069 --> 00:32:21.765
|
|
You are my chosen disciples.
|
|
|
|
00:32:21.872 --> 00:32:24.898
|
|
And no one gets to go home
|
|
till we get the shots.
|
|
|
|
00:32:25.008 --> 00:32:28.034
|
|
Put on your war faces, gentlemen.
|
|
|
|
00:32:28.145 --> 00:32:32.844
|
|
Now, let's go and make
|
|
the greatest war movie ever!
|
|
|
|
00:32:32.950 --> 00:32:35.282
|
|
- Yeah!
|
|
- All right!
|
|
|
|
00:32:54.037 --> 00:32:55.095
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:33:00.544 --> 00:33:01.602
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:33:14.157 --> 00:33:16.057
|
|
Not bad, cockburn!
|
|
|
|
00:33:17.895 --> 00:33:19.089
|
|
Not bad.
|
|
|
|
00:33:20.797 --> 00:33:22.389
|
|
Wherever you are!
|
|
|
|
00:33:24.401 --> 00:33:27.461
|
|
Wherever he is?
|
|
Looks like he's all over the place.
|
|
|
|
00:33:29.273 --> 00:33:31.173
|
|
Here we go.
|
|
|
|
00:33:31.275 --> 00:33:33.300
|
|
Must be an old French mine.
|
|
|
|
00:33:33.410 --> 00:33:36.868
|
|
It's a remnant from colonial indo-China.
|
|
This jungle must be full of them.
|
|
|
|
00:33:38.949 --> 00:33:42.407
|
|
Don't you get it?
|
|
He's messing with our heads.
|
|
|
|
00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:44.544
|
|
That's what all that
|
|
playing God stuff was about.
|
|
|
|
00:33:44.655 --> 00:33:47.215
|
|
He's trying to get us to act good,
|
|
save the movie.
|
|
|
|
00:33:47.324 --> 00:33:50.350
|
|
He ain't playing God.
|
|
He's being judged by him.
|
|
|
|
00:33:54.364 --> 00:33:57.060
|
|
That's our objective.
|
|
Complete the mission.
|
|
|
|
00:34:03.273 --> 00:34:06.174
|
|
No offense, kirk,
|
|
I know you're the big fancy actor here,
|
|
|
|
00:34:06.276 --> 00:34:10.178
|
|
but I've done a lot more effects-driven
|
|
event films than you. Okay?
|
|
|
|
00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:11.679
|
|
And I think I can spot
|
|
|
|
00:34:13.784 --> 00:34:15.308
|
|
a prop head when I see one.
|
|
|
|
00:34:15.419 --> 00:34:16.909
|
|
Oh, Jesus.
|
|
|
|
00:34:18.121 --> 00:34:21.613
|
|
It's corn syrup, guys.
|
|
Corn syrup and latex.
|
|
|
|
00:34:24.828 --> 00:34:27.956
|
|
Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.
|
|
|
|
00:34:28.065 --> 00:34:29.191
|
|
Oh, God.
|
|
|
|
00:34:29.833 --> 00:34:32.961
|
|
Smoke and mirrors, guys.
|
|
Welcome to the movie factory.
|
|
|
|
00:34:33.070 --> 00:34:34.264
|
|
Oldest trick in the book.
|
|
|
|
00:34:36.273 --> 00:34:37.570
|
|
He getting down now.
|
|
|
|
00:34:37.674 --> 00:34:39.039
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
|
|
00:34:41.845 --> 00:34:43.904
|
|
Whoa, look at me!
|
|
|
|
00:34:44.014 --> 00:34:45.481
|
|
You're going to get the shots,
|
|
|
|
00:34:45.582 --> 00:34:48.574
|
|
and I'm going to make sure
|
|
because I'm the director.
|
|
|
|
00:34:48.685 --> 00:34:50.812
|
|
I'm from London. I direct plays.
|
|
|
|
00:34:50.921 --> 00:34:53.947
|
|
Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!
|
|
|
|
00:35:03.967 --> 00:35:05.662
|
|
Look, I'm Dave Beckham.
|
|
|
|
00:35:15.312 --> 00:35:17.712
|
|
So, we gotta
|
|
light these boys up today, huh?
|
|
|
|
00:35:17.814 --> 00:35:20.009
|
|
Blow some sense into these young men.
|
|
|
|
00:35:20.984 --> 00:35:23.885
|
|
Hey, I don't want to come off
|
|
as weird or anything,
|
|
|
|
00:35:23.987 --> 00:35:27.923
|
|
but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:35:29.292 --> 00:35:32.784
|
|
Tropic thunder.
|
|
Kind of like my catcher in the rye.
|
|
|
|
00:35:34.031 --> 00:35:36.261
|
|
Yeah, I've never been in the military,
|
|
per se,
|
|
|
|
00:35:36.366 --> 00:35:38.800
|
|
but I have lost an appendage
|
|
in the line of duty.
|
|
|
|
00:35:40.604 --> 00:35:42.834
|
|
Driving miss Daisy, first studio gig.
|
|
|
|
00:35:43.607 --> 00:35:44.665
|
|
Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:35:45.175 --> 00:35:47.973
|
|
It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
|
|
What is it?
|
|
|
|
00:35:48.078 --> 00:35:49.739
|
|
I don't know what it's called.
|
|
|
|
00:35:50.881 --> 00:35:55.614
|
|
I just know the sound it makes
|
|
when it takes a man's life.
|
|
|
|
00:35:58.755 --> 00:35:59.813
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:36:00.390 --> 00:36:01.630
|
|
Damien, we're go for explosion.
|
|
|
|
00:36:01.725 --> 00:36:04.523
|
|
Ready to kick the tires
|
|
and light the fires on your say-so.
|
|
|
|
00:36:04.628 --> 00:36:06.357
|
|
Damien, we're go for explosion.
|
|
|
|
00:36:07.497 --> 00:36:08.521
|
|
Do you copy?
|
|
|
|
00:36:08.632 --> 00:36:11.499
|
|
I got an itchy trigger finger here,
|
|
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.
|
|
|
|
00:36:11.601 --> 00:36:15.230
|
|
All right, you happy now?
|
|
Can we do the scene?
|
|
|
|
00:36:15.338 --> 00:36:17.966
|
|
Or do you need a formal invitation?
|
|
Come on, let's go!
|
|
|
|
00:36:19.776 --> 00:36:20.868
|
|
Here. Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:36:20.977 --> 00:36:23.172
|
|
"Scene 12, exterior,
|
|
jungle clearing, day, ambush.
|
|
|
|
00:36:28.718 --> 00:36:30.652
|
|
"Four leaf notices
|
|
movement in the brush.
|
|
|
|
00:36:30.754 --> 00:36:33.780
|
|
"A dozen guerrilla fighters
|
|
can be seen moving in the tree line.
|
|
|
|
00:36:33.890 --> 00:36:36.450
|
|
"Somewhere a mine explodes."
|
|
And you.
|
|
|
|
00:36:37.794 --> 00:36:39.819
|
|
"I got a bad feeling on this one."
|
|
|
|
00:36:39.930 --> 00:36:41.420
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
- No, that's your line.
|
|
|
|
00:36:41.531 --> 00:36:44.398
|
|
- I got... now?
|
|
- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.
|
|
|
|
00:36:44.501 --> 00:36:47.231
|
|
- "I got a bad feeling on this one."
|
|
- Dude, wait, like how?
|
|
|
|
00:36:47.337 --> 00:36:49.168
|
|
"I got a bad feeling on this one."
|
|
|
|
00:36:49.272 --> 00:36:51.365
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
- Action. Go, come on.
|
|
|
|
00:37:00.383 --> 00:37:03.250
|
|
I got a bad feeling
|
|
on this one there, fats.
|
|
|
|
00:37:04.588 --> 00:37:07.989
|
|
Our asses don't get fragged
|
|
in this bullshit valley,
|
|
|
|
00:37:08.091 --> 00:37:09.922
|
|
first thing I'm doing
|
|
is paying my two bucks
|
|
|
|
00:37:10.026 --> 00:37:11.653
|
|
so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry
|
|
|
|
00:37:11.761 --> 00:37:14.457
|
|
on a sweet little mama-San's
|
|
dinky dau poontang.
|
|
|
|
00:37:14.564 --> 00:37:17.465
|
|
Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
|
|
before he get any cooch.
|
|
|
|
00:37:17.567 --> 00:37:20.798
|
|
He die, he probably die
|
|
a coochless motherfucker.
|
|
|
|
00:37:20.904 --> 00:37:22.303
|
|
Zip it, motown.
|
|
|
|
00:37:22.405 --> 00:37:23.963
|
|
Don't you worry, Brooklyn.
|
|
|
|
00:37:24.074 --> 00:37:26.133
|
|
You got a lot of days of fucking
|
|
ahead of you.
|
|
|
|
00:37:28.245 --> 00:37:29.837
|
|
Man, I'm thirsty.
|
|
|
|
00:37:30.947 --> 00:37:35.907
|
|
Might as well have some of this
|
|
Booty sweat I got back in danang.
|
|
|
|
00:37:36.786 --> 00:37:40.278
|
|
Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!
|
|
|
|
00:37:40.390 --> 00:37:42.187
|
|
Ain't no criss angel mindfreak,
|
|
|
|
00:37:42.292 --> 00:37:45.625
|
|
David Blaine trapdoor
|
|
horseshit jumping off here!
|
|
|
|
00:37:45.729 --> 00:37:49.495
|
|
Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
|
|
or do you wanna ruin another take?
|
|
|
|
00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:52.932
|
|
There ain't no goddamn takes,
|
|
ain't no goddamn motion picture!
|
|
|
|
00:37:53.904 --> 00:37:55.667
|
|
- You sure?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:37:55.772 --> 00:37:57.569
|
|
- Yeah?
|
|
- For certain, man.
|
|
|
|
00:37:57.674 --> 00:37:59.574
|
|
Then why are you still in character?
|
|
|
|
00:38:01.144 --> 00:38:03.112
|
|
I know, but I don't have to tell you.
|
|
|
|
00:38:04.247 --> 00:38:05.305
|
|
You don't know.
|
|
|
|
00:38:05.415 --> 00:38:08.350
|
|
Man, I don't drop character
|
|
till I done a DVD commentary.
|
|
|
|
00:38:11.121 --> 00:38:13.282
|
|
You happy now?
|
|
We're out of position for the effects!
|
|
|
|
00:38:13.390 --> 00:38:15.119
|
|
Get down, fool!
|
|
|
|
00:38:16.826 --> 00:38:19.727
|
|
Didn't anyone read the script?
|
|
This is the ambush!
|
|
|
|
00:38:21.131 --> 00:38:24.794
|
|
- This feels pretty real!
|
|
- Exactly! Let's use it.
|
|
|
|
00:38:35.412 --> 00:38:36.572
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:38:37.847 --> 00:38:39.212
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:38:41.818 --> 00:38:43.080
|
|
Eat lead!
|
|
|
|
00:38:45.055 --> 00:38:47.421
|
|
They're busting caps
|
|
like a motherfucker down there.
|
|
|
|
00:38:50.694 --> 00:38:52.787
|
|
This is fubar. I say we juice them.
|
|
|
|
00:38:52.896 --> 00:38:54.386
|
|
- What do you think?
|
|
- Juice them.
|
|
|
|
00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.291
|
|
Fuck you, Charlie!
|
|
|
|
00:39:01.371 --> 00:39:02.838
|
|
Big-ass titties!
|
|
|
|
00:39:08.812 --> 00:39:10.439
|
|
Look at that, huh?
|
|
|
|
00:39:15.719 --> 00:39:16.913
|
|
And cut!
|
|
|
|
00:39:19.189 --> 00:39:21.020
|
|
That's the trailer right there.
|
|
|
|
00:39:21.124 --> 00:39:22.421
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:39:22.525 --> 00:39:24.789
|
|
- What do we do now?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:39:24.894 --> 00:39:26.418
|
|
North. Man said to head north.
|
|
|
|
00:39:26.529 --> 00:39:29.862
|
|
- Did you see me shooting?
|
|
- That's how we do. Good work, baby.
|
|
|
|
00:39:29.966 --> 00:39:31.024
|
|
I believed it.
|
|
|
|
00:39:31.134 --> 00:39:32.294
|
|
D'ang kwook river.
|
|
|
|
00:39:32.936 --> 00:39:34.335
|
|
I'm betting
|
|
he's got more of these battles
|
|
|
|
00:39:34.437 --> 00:39:37.167
|
|
and viet congs
|
|
rigged for us along the way.
|
|
|
|
00:39:37.274 --> 00:39:41.040
|
|
Sergeant osiris, get your men.
|
|
Load and lock.
|
|
|
|
00:39:41.711 --> 00:39:43.474
|
|
Real, baby, I'm real.
|
|
|
|
00:39:44.547 --> 00:39:47.345
|
|
Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!
|
|
|
|
00:39:48.485 --> 00:39:51.511
|
|
Hump it up, gentlemen!
|
|
Single formation.
|
|
|
|
00:39:51.621 --> 00:39:53.452
|
|
Don't dawdle now!
|
|
|
|
00:40:17.580 --> 00:40:21.846
|
|
D-rod, d-rod, this is puddingface.
|
|
How are we coming on that hotplate?
|
|
|
|
00:40:24.487 --> 00:40:27.786
|
|
Something's up.
|
|
I think we better drag ass back there.
|
|
|
|
00:40:27.891 --> 00:40:30.587
|
|
Make sure Damien ain't forgot
|
|
how to use his talkbox again.
|
|
|
|
00:40:38.335 --> 00:40:41.304
|
|
Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.
|
|
|
|
00:40:42.906 --> 00:40:45.033
|
|
- What are you doing, Jeff?
|
|
- Fucking... nothing, man!
|
|
|
|
00:40:45.141 --> 00:40:48.474
|
|
- I'm eating jellybeans.
|
|
- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please...
|
|
|
|
00:40:48.578 --> 00:40:51.308
|
|
No, you can't have
|
|
any fucking jellybeans.
|
|
|
|
00:40:51.414 --> 00:40:52.506
|
|
They're mine.
|
|
|
|
00:40:52.615 --> 00:40:53.775
|
|
You think
|
|
you're the only one who gets sick
|
|
|
|
00:40:53.883 --> 00:40:55.578
|
|
when he doesn't have his jellybeans?
|
|
|
|
00:40:55.685 --> 00:40:57.084
|
|
Boundaries, man. Fuck.
|
|
|
|
00:41:17.006 --> 00:41:19.702
|
|
Hey. I didn't mean to
|
|
show you up back there.
|
|
|
|
00:41:19.809 --> 00:41:23.939
|
|
It's just, I feel like we really need
|
|
to set the example for the other guys.
|
|
|
|
00:41:24.047 --> 00:41:25.947
|
|
It's gonna be tough,
|
|
|
|
00:41:26.049 --> 00:41:29.075
|
|
but I think Damien's gonna get
|
|
some great shit out of us.
|
|
|
|
00:41:30.620 --> 00:41:32.380
|
|
Just wish I had
|
|
a director like this on Jack.
|
|
|
|
00:41:32.455 --> 00:41:34.946
|
|
On Jack. What? Jack?
|
|
What you talking about?
|
|
|
|
00:41:36.159 --> 00:41:38.127
|
|
- Simple Jack.
|
|
- Oh, yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:41:39.629 --> 00:41:42.860
|
|
Simple Jack, yeah.
|
|
You went all out on that one, huh?
|
|
|
|
00:41:42.966 --> 00:41:45.230
|
|
You did.
|
|
Really swung for the fences, huh?
|
|
|
|
00:41:45.335 --> 00:41:47.735
|
|
Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:41:47.837 --> 00:41:50.738
|
|
Yeah, it was an intense experience,
|
|
you know.
|
|
|
|
00:41:51.441 --> 00:41:53.534
|
|
I just did the work.
|
|
|
|
00:41:53.643 --> 00:41:57.443
|
|
Watched a lot of retarded people.
|
|
Spent time with them. Observed them.
|
|
|
|
00:41:58.748 --> 00:42:00.909
|
|
Watched all the retarded stuff they did.
|
|
|
|
00:42:01.017 --> 00:42:02.780
|
|
Then again,
|
|
I always found mere observation
|
|
|
|
00:42:02.886 --> 00:42:05.184
|
|
in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.
|
|
|
|
00:42:05.288 --> 00:42:08.348
|
|
Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
|
|
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.
|
|
|
|
00:42:08.458 --> 00:42:12.792
|
|
Thus, we can diagram the source
|
|
of the pain and then live it, you know.
|
|
|
|
00:42:12.896 --> 00:42:14.955
|
|
Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.
|
|
|
|
00:42:15.064 --> 00:42:17.794
|
|
You know, there were times
|
|
when I was doing Jack
|
|
|
|
00:42:17.901 --> 00:42:20.369
|
|
that I actually felt retarded,
|
|
|
|
00:42:20.470 --> 00:42:21.835
|
|
- like really retarded.
|
|
- Oh, yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:42:21.938 --> 00:42:24.133
|
|
I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,
|
|
|
|
00:42:24.240 --> 00:42:26.037
|
|
- I rode the bus retarded.
|
|
- Damn.
|
|
|
|
00:42:26.142 --> 00:42:29.373
|
|
In a weird way,
|
|
I had to sort of just free myself up
|
|
|
|
00:42:29.479 --> 00:42:32.448
|
|
to believe that it was okay
|
|
to be stupid or dumb.
|
|
|
|
00:42:32.549 --> 00:42:34.107
|
|
- To be a moron.
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:42:34.217 --> 00:42:36.947
|
|
- To be moronical.
|
|
- Exactly, to be a moron.
|
|
|
|
00:42:37.053 --> 00:42:38.418
|
|
- An imbecile.
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:42:38.521 --> 00:42:41.388
|
|
Like the dumbest motherfucker
|
|
that ever lived.
|
|
|
|
00:42:41.491 --> 00:42:42.651
|
|
When I was playing the character.
|
|
|
|
00:42:42.759 --> 00:42:45.353
|
|
- When you was the character.
|
|
- Yeah, as Jack, definitely.
|
|
|
|
00:42:45.462 --> 00:42:47.657
|
|
Jack, stupid ass Jack.
|
|
|
|
00:42:47.764 --> 00:42:49.026
|
|
Trying to come back from that.
|
|
|
|
00:42:49.132 --> 00:42:53.262
|
|
In a weird way it was almost like
|
|
I had to sort of fool my mind
|
|
|
|
00:42:53.369 --> 00:42:56.338
|
|
into believing that it wasn't retarded,
|
|
|
|
00:42:56.439 --> 00:42:58.240
|
|
and by the end of the whole thing,
|
|
I was like,
|
|
|
|
00:42:58.274 --> 00:43:02.802
|
|
"wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
|
|
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?"
|
|
|
|
00:43:02.912 --> 00:43:04.971
|
|
- It's just like... right?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:43:05.081 --> 00:43:07.845
|
|
You was farting in bathtubs
|
|
and laughing your ass off.
|
|
|
|
00:43:07.951 --> 00:43:09.816
|
|
Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:43:09.919 --> 00:43:12.217
|
|
But simple Jack thought he was smart,
|
|
|
|
00:43:12.322 --> 00:43:13.619
|
|
or rather, didn't think he was retarded,
|
|
|
|
00:43:13.723 --> 00:43:16.590
|
|
so you can't afford to play retarded,
|
|
being a smart actor.
|
|
|
|
00:43:16.693 --> 00:43:19.184
|
|
Playing a guy who ain't smart
|
|
but thinks he is,
|
|
|
|
00:43:19.295 --> 00:43:20.922
|
|
- that's tricky.
|
|
- Tricky.
|
|
|
|
00:43:21.030 --> 00:43:24.557
|
|
It's like working with Mercury.
|
|
It's high science, man. It's an art form.
|
|
|
|
00:43:24.667 --> 00:43:26.692
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
- You an artist.
|
|
|
|
00:43:26.803 --> 00:43:28.600
|
|
- That's what we do, right? Yeah.
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:43:28.705 --> 00:43:29.967
|
|
Hats off for going there,
|
|
|
|
00:43:30.073 --> 00:43:32.803
|
|
especially knowing how
|
|
the academy is about that shit.
|
|
|
|
00:43:36.513 --> 00:43:40.040
|
|
- About what?
|
|
- You're serious? You don't know?
|
|
|
|
00:43:42.252 --> 00:43:44.277
|
|
Everybody knows
|
|
you never go full retard.
|
|
|
|
00:43:45.822 --> 00:43:47.915
|
|
- What do you mean?
|
|
- Check it out.
|
|
|
|
00:43:48.057 --> 00:43:52.153
|
|
Dustin Hoffman, rain man, looked
|
|
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.
|
|
|
|
00:43:52.262 --> 00:43:56.358
|
|
Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
|
|
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.
|
|
|
|
00:43:57.233 --> 00:43:59.098
|
|
Then you got tom Hanks,
|
|
Forrest Gump.
|
|
|
|
00:43:59.202 --> 00:44:01.500
|
|
Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
|
|
braces on his legs.
|
|
|
|
00:44:01.604 --> 00:44:04.505
|
|
But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
|
|
and he won a ping-pong competition.
|
|
|
|
00:44:04.607 --> 00:44:05.631
|
|
That ain't retarded.
|
|
|
|
00:44:05.775 --> 00:44:09.711
|
|
And he was a goddamn war hero.
|
|
You know any retarded war heroes?
|
|
|
|
00:44:11.648 --> 00:44:13.639
|
|
You went full retard, man.
|
|
|
|
00:44:15.184 --> 00:44:16.549
|
|
Never go full retard.
|
|
|
|
00:44:17.554 --> 00:44:21.115
|
|
You don't buy that?
|
|
Ask Sean penn, 2001, I am Sam.
|
|
|
|
00:44:21.224 --> 00:44:24.523
|
|
Remember? Went full retard?
|
|
Went home empty-handed.
|
|
|
|
00:44:34.370 --> 00:44:37.567
|
|
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
|
|
|
|
00:44:38.241 --> 00:44:40.937
|
|
Good job, turd. You killed the director.
|
|
|
|
00:44:41.044 --> 00:44:42.306
|
|
No, that's impossible, man.
|
|
|
|
00:44:42.412 --> 00:44:45.279
|
|
I rigged the whole tree line,
|
|
and this is here.
|
|
|
|
00:44:45.415 --> 00:44:46.939
|
|
- He must have missed his mark.
|
|
- Missed his mark?
|
|
|
|
00:44:47.050 --> 00:44:48.278
|
|
Yeah, this isn't me.
|
|
|
|
00:44:48.384 --> 00:44:51.182
|
|
Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
|
|
and get back to the hotel.
|
|
|
|
00:44:51.287 --> 00:44:53.983
|
|
- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
|
|
- We're in a world of hurt!
|
|
|
|
00:44:54.090 --> 00:44:56.285
|
|
- You're in trouble.
|
|
- This isn't just on me!
|
|
|
|
00:44:56.392 --> 00:44:58.622
|
|
- We're in a... we're together on this.
|
|
- Bullshit.
|
|
|
|
00:44:58.728 --> 00:45:00.195
|
|
You're just gonna run away.
|
|
You're gonna leave.
|
|
|
|
00:45:00.296 --> 00:45:02.056
|
|
What happened to,
|
|
"no man left behind," okay?
|
|
|
|
00:45:02.065 --> 00:45:04.329
|
|
Just wait, just wait! Listen!
|
|
Listen, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:45:04.434 --> 00:45:07.164
|
|
- I don't wanna hear it.
|
|
- Let me just be real with you, all right?
|
|
|
|
00:45:07.270 --> 00:45:10.569
|
|
I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
|
|
on freaky Friday, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:45:10.673 --> 00:45:12.004
|
|
This shit will fucking ruin me!
|
|
|
|
00:45:12.108 --> 00:45:14.068
|
|
- Just get off me! You're pathetic.
|
|
- No, I'm not.
|
|
|
|
00:45:14.110 --> 00:45:16.578
|
|
- Get off me!
|
|
- You are not going back!
|
|
|
|
00:45:19.949 --> 00:45:21.883
|
|
- What the fuck?
|
|
- Now wait a minute.
|
|
|
|
00:45:32.261 --> 00:45:34.957
|
|
So, what?
|
|
We're just supposed to keep walking?
|
|
|
|
00:45:35.064 --> 00:45:37.931
|
|
Try to stay in character.
|
|
Remember, we're on camera.
|
|
|
|
00:45:38.067 --> 00:45:39.067
|
|
This thing's too heavy.
|
|
|
|
00:45:39.135 --> 00:45:40.568
|
|
I want the rubber one
|
|
that the prop guy gave me.
|
|
|
|
00:45:40.670 --> 00:45:42.934
|
|
Where's the fucking prop guy?
|
|
|
|
00:45:47.910 --> 00:45:50.504
|
|
How's it going with that map, chief?
|
|
|
|
00:45:50.613 --> 00:45:53.207
|
|
- Can I have a look at it?
|
|
- I got it.
|
|
|
|
00:45:53.316 --> 00:45:54.874
|
|
Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
|
|
remember?
|
|
|
|
00:45:54.984 --> 00:45:56.474
|
|
Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.
|
|
|
|
00:45:56.586 --> 00:45:58.213
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:45:58.321 --> 00:46:00.846
|
|
- I got it.
|
|
- You got it upside down.
|
|
|
|
00:46:00.990 --> 00:46:01.990
|
|
Thank you.
|
|
|
|
00:46:02.091 --> 00:46:03.649
|
|
Letters go one way
|
|
and the numbers another.
|
|
|
|
00:46:03.760 --> 00:46:05.318
|
|
Dude, I'm trying to...
|
|
I got your back, man.
|
|
|
|
00:46:05.428 --> 00:46:07.191
|
|
- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
|
|
- You are?
|
|
|
|
00:46:07.296 --> 00:46:09.161
|
|
Is your character dyslexic?
|
|
|
|
00:46:09.265 --> 00:46:10.994
|
|
- No, my character's not dyslexic.
|
|
- So you a cartographer.
|
|
|
|
00:46:11.100 --> 00:46:12.931
|
|
I'm tired, I want to go home.
|
|
|
|
00:46:13.036 --> 00:46:15.596
|
|
Why, so you can get back and make
|
|
fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?
|
|
|
|
00:46:15.672 --> 00:46:18.607
|
|
It's fatties: Fart two, there's no... hey,
|
|
you wish you had a fatties franchise.
|
|
|
|
00:46:18.708 --> 00:46:19.988
|
|
- What?
|
|
- It's fatties: Fart two.
|
|
|
|
00:46:20.043 --> 00:46:21.271
|
|
- Yeah, you do.
|
|
- I don't want no fatties franchise,
|
|
|
|
00:46:21.377 --> 00:46:23.777
|
|
- I got a diamond toilet.
|
|
- Your stupid-ass commercials.
|
|
|
|
00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:25.347
|
|
You're all fucked up, man,
|
|
you look tired.
|
|
|
|
00:46:25.448 --> 00:46:26.574
|
|
You look like you bumped your head
|
|
or something,
|
|
|
|
00:46:26.683 --> 00:46:28.514
|
|
so I came over to see
|
|
if you're fucking all right, that's all.
|
|
|
|
00:46:28.618 --> 00:46:30.643
|
|
- Yeah, why don't you get on point?
|
|
- I'm on point right here.
|
|
|
|
00:46:30.753 --> 00:46:31.777
|
|
My farts
|
|
are fucking more beautiful than...
|
|
|
|
00:46:31.888 --> 00:46:34.448
|
|
You still got that shit upside down.
|
|
|
|
00:46:35.058 --> 00:46:36.538
|
|
The numbers help, man, the numbers...
|
|
|
|
00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:38.789
|
|
The letters go across the top
|
|
and then the numbers.
|
|
|
|
00:46:38.895 --> 00:46:40.453
|
|
- Want the map?
|
|
- Yeah, I want the fucking map.
|
|
|
|
00:46:40.563 --> 00:46:41.996
|
|
Well, you can't have it,
|
|
'cause Damien gave it me.
|
|
|
|
00:46:42.098 --> 00:46:45.261
|
|
You wish you had my farts,
|
|
my farts are fucking music.
|
|
|
|
00:46:45.368 --> 00:46:47.734
|
|
All right. That's enough.
|
|
|
|
00:46:49.205 --> 00:46:52.936
|
|
Everybody's obviously a little bushed
|
|
from all this humping.
|
|
|
|
00:46:53.543 --> 00:46:56.034
|
|
So take a chow break. Chow break!
|
|
|
|
00:46:57.847 --> 00:46:59.405
|
|
But stay alert.
|
|
|
|
00:46:59.982 --> 00:47:03.474
|
|
Remember, Charlie don't care
|
|
if you're on break or not.
|
|
|
|
00:47:08.558 --> 00:47:11.493
|
|
All right, that's lunch. Coming back
|
|
to the same scene afterwards,
|
|
|
|
00:47:11.594 --> 00:47:12.959
|
|
"lost in the goddamn jungle."
|
|
|
|
00:47:13.062 --> 00:47:14.062
|
|
Captain simple Jack.
|
|
|
|
00:47:15.031 --> 00:47:16.031
|
|
Fuck you.
|
|
|
|
00:47:24.941 --> 00:47:26.499
|
|
I fucking hate movies.
|
|
|
|
00:47:28.845 --> 00:47:31.678
|
|
This is bullshit.
|
|
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.
|
|
|
|
00:47:41.524 --> 00:47:44.288
|
|
No! That's my jellybeans! No!
|
|
|
|
00:47:44.393 --> 00:47:49.057
|
|
Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
|
|
|
|
00:47:49.165 --> 00:47:52.430
|
|
- Yo, man, I got a bust-a-nut.
|
|
- You go to hell! There he is.
|
|
|
|
00:47:55.872 --> 00:47:58.807
|
|
God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?
|
|
|
|
00:47:59.776 --> 00:48:02.256
|
|
You little piece of shit!
|
|
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!
|
|
|
|
00:48:04.180 --> 00:48:07.206
|
|
Sanducci. Hold up, man,
|
|
keep it on the down-low.
|
|
|
|
00:48:08.618 --> 00:48:10.899
|
|
I don't really gotta piss.
|
|
I'm trying to talk at you, man.
|
|
|
|
00:48:10.953 --> 00:48:12.580
|
|
Bait, I need bait.
|
|
|
|
00:48:13.723 --> 00:48:17.420
|
|
You went to boot camp, right?
|
|
You can read a map?
|
|
|
|
00:48:17.527 --> 00:48:18.755
|
|
Yeah, I think so.
|
|
|
|
00:48:18.861 --> 00:48:21.557
|
|
I know speedman
|
|
got everyone convinced we out here
|
|
|
|
00:48:21.664 --> 00:48:25.464
|
|
making planet of the apes on YouTube
|
|
or some shit, but I don't buy it.
|
|
|
|
00:48:25.568 --> 00:48:28.036
|
|
You wanna step on a real landmine?
|
|
You wanna die?
|
|
|
|
00:48:28.838 --> 00:48:30.533
|
|
You wanna get shot
|
|
by a real motherfucker?
|
|
|
|
00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:33.803
|
|
- Keep looking ahead, man.
|
|
- No, of course not.
|
|
|
|
00:48:34.210 --> 00:48:36.371
|
|
Trying to get home, man.
|
|
|
|
00:48:36.479 --> 00:48:38.140
|
|
Got a big job coming up next year.
|
|
|
|
00:48:38.247 --> 00:48:39.680
|
|
- Oh, yeah?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:48:39.782 --> 00:48:42.307
|
|
It's about Abe Lincoln and John wilkes
|
|
booth when they were both young.
|
|
|
|
00:48:42.418 --> 00:48:43.510
|
|
- Oh, wow!
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:48:43.619 --> 00:48:46.110
|
|
- That's a classy picture.
|
|
- Dude, you kind of look like Abe.
|
|
|
|
00:48:46.222 --> 00:48:47.689
|
|
Slap a beard on you.
|
|
|
|
00:48:47.790 --> 00:48:49.815
|
|
- What's your fucking name?
|
|
- Really? It's Kevin.
|
|
|
|
00:48:49.926 --> 00:48:51.917
|
|
- Kevin sandusky.
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
00:48:52.595 --> 00:48:56.156
|
|
If I can put that map in your hands,
|
|
can I count on you?
|
|
|
|
00:48:56.566 --> 00:49:00.093
|
|
- Well, yeah, I guess you can.
|
|
- Dynamite. I'm out.
|
|
|
|
00:49:03.773 --> 00:49:06.207
|
|
That smelled just like bologna
|
|
for some reason.
|
|
|
|
00:49:06.309 --> 00:49:08.834
|
|
Is anyone gonna fucking help me
|
|
get this fucking thing?
|
|
|
|
00:49:09.545 --> 00:49:12.105
|
|
Why are they even out in the daytime?
|
|
|
|
00:49:14.317 --> 00:49:18.754
|
|
I'm gonna level with you, bro.
|
|
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.
|
|
|
|
00:49:24.994 --> 00:49:28.760
|
|
Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.
|
|
|
|
00:49:30.967 --> 00:49:32.696
|
|
He's way out on a limb
|
|
with this character,
|
|
|
|
00:49:32.802 --> 00:49:34.633
|
|
and I think he's getting cold feet.
|
|
|
|
00:49:35.938 --> 00:49:38.736
|
|
And the men respect you,
|
|
'cause you went to boot camp
|
|
|
|
00:49:38.841 --> 00:49:40.468
|
|
and rehearsal.
|
|
|
|
00:49:41.510 --> 00:49:44.035
|
|
- Can I count on you, Kyle.
|
|
- It's Kevin.
|
|
|
|
00:49:44.146 --> 00:49:45.204
|
|
Good.
|
|
|
|
00:49:46.782 --> 00:49:49.649
|
|
If you want
|
|
I could give the map a look-see.
|
|
|
|
00:49:49.752 --> 00:49:51.913
|
|
- I'll handle the map.
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:49:52.021 --> 00:49:55.252
|
|
You stick with the program,
|
|
we get this movie in the can,
|
|
|
|
00:49:55.358 --> 00:49:59.055
|
|
I'm thinking there could be
|
|
a teen choice award in it for you.
|
|
|
|
00:49:59.161 --> 00:50:03.359
|
|
You have that potential.
|
|
They'll slime you, the whole deal.
|
|
|
|
00:50:03.466 --> 00:50:07.095
|
|
- Yeah, that's wicked.
|
|
- Good.
|
|
|
|
00:50:13.009 --> 00:50:15.102
|
|
There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!
|
|
|
|
00:50:16.279 --> 00:50:17.507
|
|
You o.D.'D!
|
|
|
|
00:50:19.081 --> 00:50:20.412
|
|
Hold up now, Jeff.
|
|
|
|
00:50:22.818 --> 00:50:24.217
|
|
Fucking hell!
|
|
|
|
00:50:25.855 --> 00:50:28.915
|
|
What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!
|
|
|
|
00:50:29.025 --> 00:50:31.493
|
|
I don't have any more jellybeans.
|
|
|
|
00:50:38.100 --> 00:50:39.897
|
|
You land there!
|
|
|
|
00:50:54.817 --> 00:50:57.217
|
|
Wow. Look at these ruins.
|
|
|
|
00:50:59.388 --> 00:51:03.825
|
|
- Where the hell are we?
|
|
- D'ang kwook river.
|
|
|
|
00:51:03.926 --> 00:51:06.292
|
|
That so? How do you know that?
|
|
How you sure?
|
|
|
|
00:51:06.395 --> 00:51:08.590
|
|
Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.
|
|
|
|
00:51:08.698 --> 00:51:13.795
|
|
Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
|
|
Seriously, my skin hurts!
|
|
|
|
00:51:13.903 --> 00:51:16.337
|
|
Enough from the peanut gallery!
|
|
Into the water, ladies!
|
|
|
|
00:51:16.439 --> 00:51:18.507
|
|
No, man. Let me take a look at that map
|
|
right quick.
|
|
|
|
00:51:18.674 --> 00:51:20.354
|
|
Why is everybody
|
|
all obsessed with the map?
|
|
|
|
00:51:20.376 --> 00:51:22.401
|
|
'Cause we're tired
|
|
of being your trail donkeys!
|
|
|
|
00:51:22.511 --> 00:51:24.911
|
|
Acting like you some one-man GPS!
|
|
|
|
00:51:25.014 --> 00:51:28.882
|
|
God damn it! We lost!
|
|
We fucking super lost, man!
|
|
|
|
00:51:28.985 --> 00:51:31.112
|
|
Tell him, mcclusky.
|
|
Tell him what time it is.
|
|
|
|
00:51:31.220 --> 00:51:32.778
|
|
I don't believe you people.
|
|
|
|
00:51:34.523 --> 00:51:36.218
|
|
What do you mean "you people"?
|
|
|
|
00:51:38.894 --> 00:51:41.488
|
|
What do you mean, "you people"?
|
|
|
|
00:51:41.597 --> 00:51:43.588
|
|
I think what tugg means is...
|
|
|
|
00:51:43.699 --> 00:51:45.064
|
|
No, look at his eyes, man.
|
|
|
|
00:51:45.167 --> 00:51:47.897
|
|
You people, you actors. You people...
|
|
- Look at them beady, white devil eyes.
|
|
|
|
00:51:48.004 --> 00:51:49.605
|
|
I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!
|
|
|
|
00:51:49.638 --> 00:51:51.606
|
|
- Hell, no!
|
|
- Silence!
|
|
|
|
00:51:52.641 --> 00:51:55.303
|
|
Chill! All right? Just chill it.
|
|
|
|
00:51:56.812 --> 00:52:00.009
|
|
Now, let's go get those viet congs.
|
|
|
|
00:52:00.850 --> 00:52:02.408
|
|
- "Viet cong"!
|
|
- What?
|
|
|
|
00:52:02.918 --> 00:52:05.944
|
|
It's "viet cong." There's no "s."
|
|
It's already plural.
|
|
|
|
00:52:06.055 --> 00:52:07.647
|
|
You wouldn't say "Chineses."
|
|
|
|
00:52:09.025 --> 00:52:11.459
|
|
All right, that's enough
|
|
of this insubordination!
|
|
|
|
00:52:11.560 --> 00:52:14.358
|
|
If the machine breaks down,
|
|
we break down.
|
|
|
|
00:52:14.463 --> 00:52:16.988
|
|
Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
|
|
he was big but a little puffy
|
|
|
|
00:52:17.099 --> 00:52:18.739
|
|
and then Rambo ii,
|
|
he got all shredded up?
|
|
|
|
00:52:18.801 --> 00:52:21.668
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
- That's kind of how you look right now.
|
|
|
|
00:52:21.771 --> 00:52:23.329
|
|
- Yeah?
|
|
- Not Rambo I but ii.
|
|
|
|
00:52:23.439 --> 00:52:25.168
|
|
- Really?
|
|
- Yeah, when he was cut up.
|
|
|
|
00:52:25.274 --> 00:52:27.640
|
|
I'm not that... I mean,
|
|
that's what I'm going for, but you know...
|
|
|
|
00:52:27.743 --> 00:52:30.439
|
|
Come on, dude. You more shredded
|
|
than a julienne salad, man.
|
|
|
|
00:52:30.546 --> 00:52:32.036
|
|
- Thanks.
|
|
- What's the secret, dude?
|
|
|
|
00:52:32.148 --> 00:52:33.513
|
|
- It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
|
|
- Really?
|
|
|
|
00:52:33.616 --> 00:52:36.608
|
|
'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
|
|
but it's just... it's tough.
|
|
|
|
00:52:36.719 --> 00:52:38.209
|
|
- You look good.
|
|
- Any tips?
|
|
|
|
00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:40.015
|
|
- What?
|
|
- Any tips, you got?
|
|
|
|
00:52:40.122 --> 00:52:41.248
|
|
There's, like, the pineapple...
|
|
|
|
00:52:41.357 --> 00:52:43.655
|
|
- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
|
|
- Hey!
|
|
|
|
00:52:43.759 --> 00:52:45.351
|
|
- Hey!
|
|
- All right, now!
|
|
|
|
00:52:45.461 --> 00:52:47.895
|
|
What it is, sikorski?
|
|
Tell us where we really at.
|
|
|
|
00:52:47.997 --> 00:52:49.988
|
|
That's fucking bullshit!
|
|
It's a chump move.
|
|
|
|
00:52:50.025 --> 00:52:51.959
|
|
We just getting a second opinion, doc.
|
|
|
|
00:52:53.795 --> 00:52:55.057
|
|
We're going the wrong way!
|
|
|
|
00:52:55.163 --> 00:52:56.255
|
|
- Damn!
|
|
- Son of a bitch.
|
|
|
|
00:52:56.365 --> 00:53:00.825
|
|
God! I think we were
|
|
supposed to be doing this,
|
|
|
|
00:53:00.936 --> 00:53:03.837
|
|
and instead we did this.
|
|
|
|
00:53:03.939 --> 00:53:07.568
|
|
Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!
|
|
|
|
00:53:07.676 --> 00:53:10.201
|
|
Think you can get us back
|
|
to that drop zone, boy?
|
|
|
|
00:53:11.146 --> 00:53:12.545
|
|
This is not cool!
|
|
|
|
00:53:15.250 --> 00:53:16.376
|
|
Maybe.
|
|
|
|
00:53:17.819 --> 00:53:19.309
|
|
This is insane!
|
|
|
|
00:53:20.589 --> 00:53:22.921
|
|
Are you really going
|
|
to abandon this movie?
|
|
|
|
00:53:23.725 --> 00:53:25.920
|
|
We're supposed to be a unit!
|
|
|
|
00:53:26.028 --> 00:53:27.552
|
|
Suck my unit!
|
|
|
|
00:53:28.430 --> 00:53:30.227
|
|
All right, fine.
|
|
|
|
00:53:30.332 --> 00:53:35.235
|
|
- I'll finish it by myself.
|
|
- You go be all you can be, man.
|
|
|
|
00:53:35.337 --> 00:53:37.328
|
|
Tugg, you have no idea
|
|
where you're going!
|
|
|
|
00:53:37.439 --> 00:53:39.236
|
|
Yes, I do!
|
|
|
|
00:53:39.341 --> 00:53:43.869
|
|
I'm going to, "exterior, rain forest, dusk.
|
|
|
|
00:53:43.979 --> 00:53:48.439
|
|
"Smash cut to four leaf, who treks
|
|
alone through a frightening jungle."
|
|
|
|
00:53:48.550 --> 00:53:50.484
|
|
Suck on that unit, kirk!
|
|
|
|
00:54:04.066 --> 00:54:07.058
|
|
Come on, men. Let's get home.
|
|
|
|
00:54:45.240 --> 00:54:49.904
|
|
Hello, Mr. mantis. You're beautiful.
|
|
|
|
00:54:52.180 --> 00:54:54.114
|
|
Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo
|
|
|
|
00:54:54.216 --> 00:54:55.945
|
|
where Hollywood
|
|
was split into schisms,
|
|
|
|
00:54:56.051 --> 00:54:59.452
|
|
some studios backing blu-ray disc,
|
|
others backing hd DVD.
|
|
|
|
00:54:59.554 --> 00:55:00.646
|
|
People thought it would come down to
|
|
|
|
00:55:00.755 --> 00:55:03.019
|
|
pixel rate or refresh rate,
|
|
and they're pretty much the same.
|
|
|
|
00:55:03.125 --> 00:55:06.925
|
|
What it came down to was
|
|
a combination of gamers and porn.
|
|
|
|
00:55:07.028 --> 00:55:08.757
|
|
Now, whichever format porno backs
|
|
|
|
00:55:08.864 --> 00:55:12.698
|
|
is usually the one
|
|
that becomes the most successful.
|
|
|
|
00:55:12.801 --> 00:55:15.793
|
|
But, you know, Sony,
|
|
every playstation 3 has a blu-ray in it.
|
|
|
|
00:55:15.904 --> 00:55:17.633
|
|
You talking to me this whole time?
|
|
|
|
00:55:18.373 --> 00:55:19.670
|
|
I was talking to whoever
|
|
was listening to me.
|
|
|
|
00:55:19.774 --> 00:55:21.241
|
|
Jesus Christ, man!
|
|
|
|
00:55:39.661 --> 00:55:41.720
|
|
Booty sweat.
|
|
|
|
00:55:47.769 --> 00:55:49.168
|
|
Oh, God!
|
|
|
|
00:55:51.406 --> 00:55:55.968
|
|
It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
|
|
|
|
00:55:56.077 --> 00:55:58.272
|
|
You want my flak jacket?
|
|
|
|
00:55:58.380 --> 00:56:02.248
|
|
What, are you insane? It's boiling!
|
|
It's like a sweat lodge out here!
|
|
|
|
00:56:02.350 --> 00:56:05.183
|
|
Keep the volume down on that bitching,
|
|
flatch Adams.
|
|
|
|
00:56:05.287 --> 00:56:07.187
|
|
I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
|
|
|
|
00:56:07.289 --> 00:56:09.257
|
|
- How we doing? We making good time?
|
|
- We're making good time,
|
|
|
|
00:56:09.357 --> 00:56:12.485
|
|
but there's no way we make it
|
|
over that Ridge before sundown.
|
|
|
|
00:56:12.594 --> 00:56:15.085
|
|
All right, fellas,
|
|
we're gonna make camp, rest up!
|
|
|
|
00:56:15.197 --> 00:56:17.495
|
|
- Oh, God.
|
|
- Y'all might be in for a treat.
|
|
|
|
00:56:17.599 --> 00:56:18.998
|
|
You know,
|
|
back before the war broked out,
|
|
|
|
00:56:19.100 --> 00:56:21.830
|
|
I was a saucier in San antone.
|
|
|
|
00:56:21.937 --> 00:56:24.565
|
|
I bet I could collar up
|
|
some of them Greens.
|
|
|
|
00:56:24.673 --> 00:56:28.973
|
|
Yeah, noodle some crawfish
|
|
out the paddy, yo.
|
|
|
|
00:56:29.077 --> 00:56:33.104
|
|
And maybe some crab apples
|
|
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:56:34.449 --> 00:56:35.711
|
|
Hell, yeah!
|
|
|
|
00:56:35.817 --> 00:56:40.015
|
|
That's how we all talk.
|
|
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.
|
|
|
|
00:56:40.121 --> 00:56:45.354
|
|
Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.
|
|
|
|
00:56:45.460 --> 00:56:50.329
|
|
You're Australian! Be Australian!
|
|
Excuse me, kangaroo Jack.
|
|
|
|
00:56:54.569 --> 00:56:56.969
|
|
I get excited about my foods, man.
|
|
|
|
00:58:22.590 --> 00:58:25.024
|
|
Die!
|
|
|
|
00:58:38.940 --> 00:58:41.033
|
|
No!
|
|
|
|
00:58:47.582 --> 00:58:51.882
|
|
Dude, dude, what the hell
|
|
is going on here? Where are we?
|
|
|
|
00:58:51.986 --> 00:58:54.386
|
|
I have no idea.
|
|
|
|
00:58:54.489 --> 00:58:57.049
|
|
I've never been outside the states.
|
|
|
|
00:58:57.158 --> 00:58:59.319
|
|
Wait, what?
|
|
Are you fucking kidding me?
|
|
|
|
00:58:59.427 --> 00:59:01.418
|
|
Did you make this
|
|
whole goddamn thing up?
|
|
|
|
00:59:01.529 --> 00:59:02.894
|
|
Dude, were you
|
|
even in the fucking service?
|
|
|
|
00:59:02.997 --> 00:59:05.659
|
|
Yes. Of course. Coast guard.
|
|
|
|
00:59:05.767 --> 00:59:07.667
|
|
- Coast guard.
|
|
- Sanitation department.
|
|
|
|
00:59:07.769 --> 00:59:10.465
|
|
Oh, my God!
|
|
You're a fucking garbage man!
|
|
|
|
00:59:10.572 --> 00:59:14.303
|
|
Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
|
|
and the whole goddamn U.S. of a.
|
|
|
|
00:59:14.409 --> 00:59:17.071
|
|
I wrote the book as a tribute!
|
|
I'm a patriot!
|
|
|
|
00:59:17.178 --> 00:59:19.237
|
|
Yeah, you're the milli vanilli
|
|
of patriots, okay?
|
|
|
|
00:59:19.347 --> 00:59:21.042
|
|
You lied
|
|
about fighting the Vietnam war.
|
|
|
|
00:59:21.149 --> 00:59:24.414
|
|
It's like punching the American flag
|
|
in the face, God damn it.
|
|
|
|
00:59:24.519 --> 00:59:25.959
|
|
God, and to think I believed in you!
|
|
|
|
00:59:26.054 --> 00:59:28.420
|
|
- I don't wanna be next to you.
|
|
- Writers lie all the time.
|
|
|
|
00:59:28.523 --> 00:59:30.650
|
|
Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
|
|
|
|
00:59:51.968 --> 00:59:53.799
|
|
- Rick?
|
|
- Tugg.
|
|
|
|
00:59:53.903 --> 00:59:55.962
|
|
I killed one, Rick.
|
|
|
|
00:59:57.106 --> 00:59:59.506
|
|
The thing I love most in the world.
|
|
|
|
00:59:59.608 --> 01:00:01.439
|
|
Vivica, get off the line now!
|
|
|
|
01:00:03.746 --> 01:00:06.146
|
|
A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.
|
|
|
|
01:00:06.248 --> 01:00:08.307
|
|
Calm down.
|
|
Here's what you're gonna do.
|
|
|
|
01:00:08.417 --> 01:00:09.617
|
|
Get your hands on some bleach,
|
|
|
|
01:00:09.685 --> 01:00:12.051
|
|
some hydrogen peroxide
|
|
and a shitload of lime.
|
|
|
|
01:00:12.154 --> 01:00:13.644
|
|
No, a panda.
|
|
|
|
01:00:13.756 --> 01:00:15.519
|
|
I killed a panda.
|
|
|
|
01:00:15.624 --> 01:00:17.421
|
|
Amanda? Come on, dude.
|
|
|
|
01:00:17.526 --> 01:00:19.551
|
|
I mean,
|
|
that's probably not even her real name.
|
|
|
|
01:00:19.662 --> 01:00:21.323
|
|
No, a panda!
|
|
|
|
01:00:21.430 --> 01:00:22.795
|
|
A panda?
|
|
|
|
01:00:22.898 --> 01:00:27.535
|
|
A sweet, cuddly,
|
|
vicious little panda.
|
|
|
|
01:00:27.670 --> 01:00:30.605
|
|
Jesus Christ, tugg!
|
|
Man, don't scare me like that!
|
|
|
|
01:00:30.706 --> 01:00:31.866
|
|
It's beautiful here.
|
|
|
|
01:00:31.974 --> 01:00:33.464
|
|
You on the set?
|
|
|
|
01:00:33.576 --> 01:00:34.838
|
|
I am the set.
|
|
|
|
01:00:34.944 --> 01:00:37.913
|
|
All right, man.
|
|
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?
|
|
|
|
01:00:38.014 --> 01:00:39.242
|
|
Screw TiVo.
|
|
|
|
01:00:39.348 --> 01:00:41.816
|
|
I'm way beyond TiVo.
|
|
|
|
01:00:41.917 --> 01:00:44.010
|
|
Last I checked,
|
|
they hadn't hooked it up, though.
|
|
|
|
01:00:44.120 --> 01:00:47.419
|
|
Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?
|
|
|
|
01:00:47.523 --> 01:00:49.354
|
|
It doesn't matter anymore.
|
|
|
|
01:00:52.194 --> 01:00:53.661
|
|
I've moved on.
|
|
|
|
01:00:54.397 --> 01:00:56.126
|
|
Where have you moved on to?
|
|
|
|
01:00:56.232 --> 01:00:57.722
|
|
Another agency?
|
|
|
|
01:00:59.268 --> 01:01:00.792
|
|
Who's with you?
|
|
|
|
01:01:00.903 --> 01:01:03.064
|
|
It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
|
|
That little fucker.
|
|
|
|
01:01:03.172 --> 01:01:07.268
|
|
You are still my client, tugg speedman!
|
|
I am getting the TiVo!
|
|
|
|
01:01:07.376 --> 01:01:09.571
|
|
Jacket's on, I'm out the door!
|
|
|
|
01:01:09.678 --> 01:01:10.736
|
|
Tugg?
|
|
|
|
01:01:14.050 --> 01:01:15.347
|
|
Please don't fire me.
|
|
|
|
01:01:16.218 --> 01:01:17.412
|
|
I did it, I did it!
|
|
|
|
01:01:17.520 --> 01:01:19.852
|
|
Vivica, what do I have scheduled
|
|
this afternoon?
|
|
|
|
01:01:19.955 --> 01:01:22.822
|
|
- Two and a half men taping.
|
|
- Shit.
|
|
|
|
01:01:23.826 --> 01:01:24.850
|
|
Cancel it.
|
|
|
|
01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:26.621
|
|
And get me tugg's tropic thunder
|
|
contract.
|
|
|
|
01:01:26.729 --> 01:01:29.857
|
|
I'm going to Grossman's office,
|
|
I'm playing the card.
|
|
|
|
01:01:29.965 --> 01:01:30.965
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:01:34.537 --> 01:01:37.438
|
|
Oh, mama. Thirsty.
|
|
|
|
01:01:37.573 --> 01:01:39.632
|
|
He doesn't look too good.
|
|
|
|
01:01:39.742 --> 01:01:44.770
|
|
Must drink,
|
|
so I can throw something up!
|
|
|
|
01:01:44.880 --> 01:01:47.007
|
|
No, no. Don't drink that water!
|
|
That water's like a petri dish!
|
|
|
|
01:01:47.116 --> 01:01:48.208
|
|
No, don't!
|
|
|
|
01:01:48.317 --> 01:01:50.842
|
|
Alpa, do you have any Booty sweat?
|
|
|
|
01:01:50.953 --> 01:01:53.319
|
|
Yeah, get him chugging on
|
|
some of alpa's ass water.
|
|
|
|
01:01:53.422 --> 01:01:55.356
|
|
That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
|
|
|
|
01:01:55.458 --> 01:01:57.358
|
|
Man, what you coming out
|
|
in movies for anyway?
|
|
|
|
01:01:57.460 --> 01:01:59.121
|
|
Did you need another revenue stream?
|
|
|
|
01:01:59.228 --> 01:02:02.026
|
|
For your information,
|
|
my revenue stream
|
|
|
|
01:02:02.131 --> 01:02:04.463
|
|
currently generates $2 million a year
|
|
|
|
01:02:04.567 --> 01:02:06.501
|
|
in charitable contributions
|
|
for my community.
|
|
|
|
01:02:06.602 --> 01:02:08.934
|
|
- Hot damn.
|
|
- And why am I in this movie?
|
|
|
|
01:02:09.038 --> 01:02:11.370
|
|
Maybe I just knew I had to represent,
|
|
|
|
01:02:11.474 --> 01:02:13.271
|
|
because they had one good part
|
|
in it for a black man
|
|
|
|
01:02:13.375 --> 01:02:15.434
|
|
and they gave it to crocodile dundee.
|
|
|
|
01:02:17.046 --> 01:02:20.607
|
|
Pump your brakes, kid.
|
|
That man is a national treasure.
|
|
|
|
01:02:20.716 --> 01:02:22.843
|
|
I just wanted to throw another shrimp
|
|
on your Barbie.
|
|
|
|
01:02:22.952 --> 01:02:24.078
|
|
That shit ain't funny.
|
|
|
|
01:02:24.186 --> 01:02:26.882
|
|
Hey, fellas! It's hot!
|
|
We're tired! It stinks!
|
|
|
|
01:02:26.989 --> 01:02:28.590
|
|
I'm just fucking with you,
|
|
kangaroo Jack!
|
|
|
|
01:02:28.657 --> 01:02:30.386
|
|
I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
|
|
|
|
01:02:30.493 --> 01:02:32.961
|
|
You know that's a true story?
|
|
Lady lost her kid.
|
|
|
|
01:02:33.062 --> 01:02:35.724
|
|
- You about to cross some fucking lines.
|
|
- Guys, relax and stuff.
|
|
|
|
01:02:35.831 --> 01:02:36.889
|
|
You know what? Fuck that, man!
|
|
|
|
01:02:36.999 --> 01:02:39.661
|
|
I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
|
|
telling me...
|
|
|
|
01:02:44.406 --> 01:02:45.964
|
|
For 400 years,
|
|
|
|
01:02:47.009 --> 01:02:49.910
|
|
that word has kept us down.
|
|
|
|
01:02:50.980 --> 01:02:52.607
|
|
What the fuck?
|
|
|
|
01:02:52.715 --> 01:02:56.481
|
|
It took a whole lot of trying
|
|
just to get up that hill.
|
|
|
|
01:02:56.585 --> 01:02:59.486
|
|
Now we up in the big leagues,
|
|
|
|
01:02:59.588 --> 01:03:01.351
|
|
getting our turn at bat.
|
|
|
|
01:03:01.457 --> 01:03:04.119
|
|
Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
|
|
|
|
01:03:04.793 --> 01:03:08.126
|
|
That's the theme song for
|
|
the jeffersons. You really need help.
|
|
|
|
01:03:08.230 --> 01:03:11.358
|
|
Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
|
|
don't make it not true.
|
|
|
|
01:03:11.467 --> 01:03:13.401
|
|
You know what?
|
|
I'm gonna tell you what's true.
|
|
|
|
01:03:13.502 --> 01:03:16.938
|
|
I'm gonna tag you back.
|
|
You better believe that, baby.
|
|
|
|
01:03:17.039 --> 01:03:19.633
|
|
Guys! Hey, guys!
|
|
|
|
01:03:20.242 --> 01:03:22.710
|
|
Jeff, stay away from that animal.
|
|
|
|
01:03:25.080 --> 01:03:27.913
|
|
I'm gonna bite his hide. I need...
|
|
|
|
01:03:28.951 --> 01:03:32.216
|
|
I need to wear his stomach skin
|
|
like a unitard.
|
|
|
|
01:03:33.189 --> 01:03:36.488
|
|
Ain't nobody doing nothing
|
|
to no one or body!
|
|
|
|
01:03:36.592 --> 01:03:41.461
|
|
Now, if Mr. portnoy is feeling
|
|
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,
|
|
|
|
01:03:41.564 --> 01:03:43.623
|
|
put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!
|
|
|
|
01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:46.297
|
|
We got ground to cover!
|
|
|
|
01:04:15.297 --> 01:04:18.562
|
|
All right, pow camp, scene 67.
|
|
|
|
01:04:19.468 --> 01:04:21.197
|
|
Bring it on, cockburn!
|
|
|
|
01:04:29.278 --> 01:04:31.712
|
|
Maybe he's not, you know,
|
|
Ridley Scott or something,
|
|
|
|
01:04:31.814 --> 01:04:33.611
|
|
but I think renny harlin's
|
|
a tremendous filmmaker
|
|
|
|
01:04:33.716 --> 01:04:36.514
|
|
like, adventures of Ford fairlane,
|
|
you know,
|
|
|
|
01:04:36.619 --> 01:04:40.248
|
|
as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
|
|
vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.
|
|
|
|
01:04:40.356 --> 01:04:42.790
|
|
And cliffhanger.
|
|
Cliffhanger's incredible.
|
|
|
|
01:04:42.891 --> 01:04:46.349
|
|
As far as the whole like,
|
|
man against nature type of movies go,
|
|
|
|
01:04:46.462 --> 01:04:48.623
|
|
it's absolutely amazing.
|
|
|
|
01:04:48.731 --> 01:04:50.631
|
|
Shut the fuck up!
|
|
|
|
01:04:55.271 --> 01:04:56.932
|
|
Who send you here?
|
|
|
|
01:04:57.039 --> 01:05:01.669
|
|
Tayback, John, sergeant,
|
|
United States army.
|
|
|
|
01:05:02.411 --> 01:05:07.815
|
|
Serial number 694529987.
|
|
|
|
01:05:11.620 --> 01:05:14.612
|
|
Perhaps some hot tea
|
|
will make conversing
|
|
|
|
01:05:14.723 --> 01:05:16.486
|
|
a little easier.
|
|
|
|
01:05:20.262 --> 01:05:22.355
|
|
My leader's not quite as cordial.
|
|
|
|
01:05:25.834 --> 01:05:28.701
|
|
Look, what? I just thought you might
|
|
like some hot tea
|
|
|
|
01:05:28.804 --> 01:05:32.331
|
|
- in order to calm your nerves.
|
|
- Tayback, John, sergeant,
|
|
|
|
01:05:32.474 --> 01:05:37.434
|
|
United States army, 694529987.
|
|
|
|
01:05:38.280 --> 01:05:43.809
|
|
And here's a little message
|
|
from my Uncle Sam.
|
|
|
|
01:05:49.458 --> 01:05:51.824
|
|
Dude, you all right?
|
|
|
|
01:05:51.927 --> 01:05:53.360
|
|
Man you totally leaned into that.
|
|
|
|
01:05:53.462 --> 01:05:56.522
|
|
I was pulling it back
|
|
and you just came in too...
|
|
|
|
01:05:56.632 --> 01:05:58.827
|
|
Hey, it was an accident, man.
|
|
|
|
01:06:01.370 --> 01:06:03.304
|
|
Come on, good.
|
|
You want to keep going?
|
|
|
|
01:06:03.405 --> 01:06:04.997
|
|
- Let's go.
|
|
- Get up.
|
|
|
|
01:06:05.107 --> 01:06:06.699
|
|
I rather rot in your v.C. Jail!
|
|
|
|
01:06:06.809 --> 01:06:10.677
|
|
I'll never bend to your will!
|
|
You scum! You scum!
|
|
|
|
01:06:10.779 --> 01:06:12.804
|
|
Now say this
|
|
and go to the beginning again,
|
|
|
|
01:06:12.915 --> 01:06:14.678
|
|
let's do the tea part, okay?
|
|
|
|
01:06:16.218 --> 01:06:17.651
|
|
Dude, I hope you're not pissed.
|
|
|
|
01:06:17.986 --> 01:06:19.783
|
|
I see moss on both sides of that tree.
|
|
|
|
01:06:19.888 --> 01:06:23.016
|
|
Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
|
|
the only one at boot camp...
|
|
|
|
01:06:23.125 --> 01:06:25.025
|
|
My belly really hurts, you guys!
|
|
|
|
01:06:25.127 --> 01:06:27.322
|
|
I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.
|
|
|
|
01:06:27.429 --> 01:06:29.670
|
|
Let me off, I gotta puke!
|
|
I don't wanna die like hendrix!
|
|
|
|
01:06:29.765 --> 01:06:31.426
|
|
All right. All right.
|
|
|
|
01:06:36.004 --> 01:06:37.995
|
|
Are you okay, Jeff?
|
|
|
|
01:06:38.107 --> 01:06:39.472
|
|
I'm awesome.
|
|
|
|
01:06:41.877 --> 01:06:43.344
|
|
Holy shit!
|
|
|
|
01:06:47.883 --> 01:06:50.044
|
|
Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.
|
|
|
|
01:06:54.757 --> 01:06:56.247
|
|
Man. Now I'm tripping.
|
|
|
|
01:06:56.358 --> 01:06:58.986
|
|
That looks like the pow camp
|
|
from out the script, yo.
|
|
|
|
01:06:59.862 --> 01:07:01.557
|
|
Speedman was right?
|
|
|
|
01:07:01.663 --> 01:07:03.028
|
|
I don't think so.
|
|
|
|
01:07:03.132 --> 01:07:05.362
|
|
Look at the cooking vats,
|
|
the armed guards.
|
|
|
|
01:07:06.969 --> 01:07:09.062
|
|
Looks like a heroin processing plant.
|
|
|
|
01:07:10.172 --> 01:07:11.298
|
|
We were in that chopper for hours.
|
|
|
|
01:07:11.407 --> 01:07:13.671
|
|
I don't even think
|
|
we're in Vietnam anymore.
|
|
|
|
01:07:13.776 --> 01:07:16.210
|
|
- Fuck.
|
|
- Shit. We ain't even in 'nam?
|
|
|
|
01:07:16.311 --> 01:07:19.075
|
|
No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.
|
|
|
|
01:07:19.181 --> 01:07:20.739
|
|
What the fuck is Laos?
|
|
|
|
01:07:20.849 --> 01:07:22.009
|
|
It's the golden triangle.
|
|
|
|
01:07:22.117 --> 01:07:24.085
|
|
Oh, fuck. We're dead.
|
|
|
|
01:07:24.186 --> 01:07:26.154
|
|
No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.
|
|
|
|
01:07:26.255 --> 01:07:30.282
|
|
Fucking boats, airplanes,
|
|
ufos and shit, they all just vanish!
|
|
|
|
01:07:30.392 --> 01:07:32.917
|
|
Yo, that's the Bermuda triangle,
|
|
dumbass.
|
|
|
|
01:07:33.028 --> 01:07:35.394
|
|
This is the golden triangle.
|
|
|
|
01:07:35.497 --> 01:07:37.098
|
|
It's the world's hard drug superhighway.
|
|
|
|
01:07:37.166 --> 01:07:38.463
|
|
How do you know that?
|
|
|
|
01:07:38.567 --> 01:07:41.297
|
|
It was a really long trip.
|
|
I read the in-flight magazine.
|
|
|
|
01:07:43.105 --> 01:07:44.402
|
|
Cut!
|
|
|
|
01:07:44.506 --> 01:07:45.973
|
|
Oh, Jesus!
|
|
|
|
01:07:46.074 --> 01:07:48.565
|
|
What do you see, man? I'm blocked.
|
|
|
|
01:07:48.677 --> 01:07:50.042
|
|
Damien, cut!
|
|
|
|
01:07:51.814 --> 01:07:53.406
|
|
Hey, Damien, cut!
|
|
|
|
01:07:54.249 --> 01:07:55.910
|
|
They got speedman.
|
|
|
|
01:07:56.485 --> 01:07:57.918
|
|
And it doesn't look good.
|
|
|
|
01:08:30.586 --> 01:08:31.883
|
|
I am tran.
|
|
|
|
01:08:32.855 --> 01:08:35.016
|
|
You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.
|
|
|
|
01:08:36.425 --> 01:08:39.053
|
|
You are d.E.A. Scum!
|
|
|
|
01:08:40.996 --> 01:08:44.432
|
|
Were there some re-writes
|
|
that I missed?
|
|
|
|
01:08:50.739 --> 01:08:52.229
|
|
Do you want to die?
|
|
|
|
01:08:53.008 --> 01:08:54.475
|
|
- Do you?
|
|
- No!
|
|
|
|
01:08:54.576 --> 01:08:58.706
|
|
Please, don't hurt me!
|
|
|
|
01:09:06.588 --> 01:09:07.782
|
|
Say that again.
|
|
|
|
01:09:08.790 --> 01:09:10.587
|
|
Please, don't hurt me.
|
|
|
|
01:09:10.692 --> 01:09:13.786
|
|
No! Like you did before! Say it!
|
|
|
|
01:09:14.763 --> 01:09:15.763
|
|
Say it!
|
|
|
|
01:09:15.864 --> 01:09:19.857
|
|
Please, don't hurt me!
|
|
|
|
01:09:35.484 --> 01:09:38.078
|
|
- What?
|
|
- You are simple Jack.
|
|
|
|
01:09:41.056 --> 01:09:42.921
|
|
You saw simple Jack?
|
|
|
|
01:09:43.025 --> 01:09:45.357
|
|
We love the tale of this man,
|
|
simple Jack.
|
|
|
|
01:09:47.062 --> 01:09:48.893
|
|
We do not have many luxury here.
|
|
|
|
01:09:48.997 --> 01:09:51.431
|
|
And simple Jack is the only movie
|
|
we possess.
|
|
|
|
01:09:51.533 --> 01:09:55.367
|
|
You got the vhs.
|
|
|
|
01:09:55.470 --> 01:09:57.529
|
|
We've watched it many, many times.
|
|
|
|
01:09:57.639 --> 01:10:00.107
|
|
You should've got Oscar.
|
|
|
|
01:10:03.145 --> 01:10:04.908
|
|
Well, you know. It's...
|
|
|
|
01:10:06.181 --> 01:10:08.777
|
|
Just to be nominated...
|
|
You were nominated?
|
|
|
|
01:10:08.884 --> 01:10:10.408
|
|
No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.
|
|
|
|
01:10:10.519 --> 01:10:13.682
|
|
I'm just saying that to have been
|
|
nominated would have been nice.
|
|
|
|
01:10:13.789 --> 01:10:16.189
|
|
It's just... it's very political.
|
|
You have to take out ads...
|
|
|
|
01:10:16.258 --> 01:10:18.749
|
|
- Shut up now!
|
|
- Okay. Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:10:19.595 --> 01:10:21.324
|
|
So, are you going to
|
|
|
|
01:10:22.965 --> 01:10:24.592
|
|
let me go, or...
|
|
|
|
01:10:24.700 --> 01:10:26.827
|
|
No. We'll hold you for ransom.
|
|
|
|
01:10:26.935 --> 01:10:28.732
|
|
Much more money now!
|
|
|
|
01:10:40.315 --> 01:10:41.315
|
|
He's in a meeting.
|
|
|
|
01:10:41.416 --> 01:10:44.180
|
|
Yeah, I know.
|
|
In about two seconds with the pecker.
|
|
|
|
01:10:45.220 --> 01:10:47.085
|
|
I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.
|
|
|
|
01:10:47.189 --> 01:10:49.851
|
|
You wanna talk about trouble?
|
|
That's trouble.
|
|
|
|
01:10:49.958 --> 01:10:51.516
|
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
|
|
|
|
01:10:53.428 --> 01:10:55.328
|
|
What do you need, peck?
|
|
|
|
01:10:55.430 --> 01:10:58.058
|
|
No, more like what do you need, les?
|
|
|
|
01:10:58.166 --> 01:10:59.360
|
|
Glasses?
|
|
|
|
01:11:00.435 --> 01:11:01.493
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
01:11:01.603 --> 01:11:04.094
|
|
So you can read
|
|
the tropic thunder contract
|
|
|
|
01:11:04.206 --> 01:11:06.606
|
|
that guarantees my client,
|
|
tugg speedman,
|
|
|
|
01:11:06.708 --> 01:11:10.439
|
|
some form of digital video recorder
|
|
on location.
|
|
|
|
01:11:11.213 --> 01:11:13.340
|
|
- Huh?
|
|
- I can't believe you let him in.
|
|
|
|
01:11:14.983 --> 01:11:17.816
|
|
Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
|
|
so why don't you get the hell out of here
|
|
|
|
01:11:17.919 --> 01:11:20.979
|
|
before I snap your dick off
|
|
and jam it into your ass?
|
|
|
|
01:11:21.089 --> 01:11:23.114
|
|
No, not you, Helen.
|
|
|
|
01:11:23.225 --> 01:11:26.922
|
|
But I will rip your tits off
|
|
if you don't get me those theaters.
|
|
|
|
01:11:27.029 --> 01:11:28.553
|
|
Perfect.
|
|
|
|
01:11:28.664 --> 01:11:31.098
|
|
Hey, tuggernuts,
|
|
I've got you on speakerphone.
|
|
|
|
01:11:31.199 --> 01:11:33.064
|
|
I'm standing here with les Grossman,
|
|
|
|
01:11:33.168 --> 01:11:36.331
|
|
and he is dying to tell you
|
|
why he's apparently wiped his ass
|
|
|
|
01:11:36.438 --> 01:11:38.736
|
|
with the TiVo clause from your contract.
|
|
|
|
01:11:39.941 --> 01:11:41.932
|
|
We are flaming dragon.
|
|
|
|
01:11:42.044 --> 01:11:44.410
|
|
Speedman is with us now.
|
|
|
|
01:11:44.513 --> 01:11:48.074
|
|
For 50 million, you will get him back.
|
|
|
|
01:11:48.183 --> 01:11:50.344
|
|
- Are you gonna get those...
|
|
- Who is this?
|
|
|
|
01:11:50.452 --> 01:11:53.148
|
|
- And how did you get this phone?
|
|
- We are flaming dragon!
|
|
|
|
01:11:53.255 --> 01:11:55.155
|
|
Simple Jack belong to us now.
|
|
|
|
01:11:57.893 --> 01:11:59.918
|
|
He does, does he?
|
|
|
|
01:12:00.028 --> 01:12:02.496
|
|
Let me tell you something, shitbird.
|
|
|
|
01:12:02.597 --> 01:12:05.031
|
|
I've never even heard
|
|
of your little agency.
|
|
|
|
01:12:05.133 --> 01:12:07.101
|
|
But if you think
|
|
you can poach my client...
|
|
|
|
01:12:07.202 --> 01:12:11.730
|
|
Send $50 million, or you no see
|
|
simple Jack again because we kill him.
|
|
|
|
01:12:11.840 --> 01:12:13.330
|
|
This is les Grossman. Who is this?
|
|
|
|
01:12:13.442 --> 01:12:15.740
|
|
This is flaming dragon!
|
|
|
|
01:12:15.844 --> 01:12:18.608
|
|
Okay. Flaming dragon. Fuckface.
|
|
|
|
01:12:18.714 --> 01:12:23.549
|
|
First, take a big step back
|
|
and literally fuck your own face!
|
|
|
|
01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:27.650
|
|
Now, I don't know what kind of
|
|
pan-pacific bullshit power play
|
|
|
|
01:12:27.756 --> 01:12:30.224
|
|
you're trying to pull here,
|
|
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.
|
|
|
|
01:12:30.325 --> 01:12:31.622
|
|
So whatever you're thinking,
|
|
you better think again.
|
|
|
|
01:12:31.727 --> 01:12:33.092
|
|
Otherwise, I'm gonna
|
|
have to head down there,
|
|
|
|
01:12:33.195 --> 01:12:36.562
|
|
and I will rain down an ungodly
|
|
fucking firestorm upon you.
|
|
|
|
01:12:36.665 --> 01:12:38.292
|
|
You're gonna have to call
|
|
the fucking united nations
|
|
|
|
01:12:38.400 --> 01:12:42.427
|
|
and get a fucking binding resolution
|
|
to keep me from fucking destroying you.
|
|
|
|
01:12:42.537 --> 01:12:45.131
|
|
I am talking scorched earth,
|
|
motherfucker!
|
|
|
|
01:12:45.240 --> 01:12:47.003
|
|
I will massacre you!
|
|
|
|
01:12:47.109 --> 01:12:49.043
|
|
I will fuck you up!
|
|
|
|
01:12:56.852 --> 01:12:58.892
|
|
- Could you find out who that was? Go.
|
|
- Yeah. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:13:34.022 --> 01:13:37.014
|
|
You wear these.
|
|
More like simple Jack teeth.
|
|
|
|
01:13:37.125 --> 01:13:38.854
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:13:38.960 --> 01:13:41.622
|
|
Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
|
|
and that's great...
|
|
|
|
01:13:44.699 --> 01:13:46.326
|
|
Put teeth in!
|
|
|
|
01:13:53.441 --> 01:13:55.306
|
|
Now do movie.
|
|
|
|
01:13:55.410 --> 01:13:57.071
|
|
The whole movie?
|
|
|
|
01:13:57.179 --> 01:13:58.840
|
|
I can't. I don't know the whole...
|
|
|
|
01:13:58.947 --> 01:14:01.438
|
|
You perform! You perform or die!
|
|
|
|
01:14:02.184 --> 01:14:03.674
|
|
Monkey swine!
|
|
|
|
01:14:06.588 --> 01:14:07.987
|
|
Pa.
|
|
|
|
01:14:09.958 --> 01:14:11.323
|
|
More stupid!
|
|
|
|
01:14:13.094 --> 01:14:18.157
|
|
Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?
|
|
|
|
01:14:20.602 --> 01:14:21.933
|
|
You saw what I saw.
|
|
|
|
01:14:22.037 --> 01:14:24.631
|
|
Tugg speedman is dead meat
|
|
if we don't do something soon.
|
|
|
|
01:14:24.739 --> 01:14:27.105
|
|
Yeah. We could do something
|
|
by getting our asses back to the hotel,
|
|
|
|
01:14:27.209 --> 01:14:28.540
|
|
which is in the other direction!
|
|
|
|
01:14:28.643 --> 01:14:30.235
|
|
Ain't right.
|
|
|
|
01:14:30.345 --> 01:14:32.370
|
|
What would've happened
|
|
in the great escape
|
|
|
|
01:14:32.480 --> 01:14:36.314
|
|
if Steve McQueen and them dudes
|
|
had turned tail and ran?
|
|
|
|
01:14:36.418 --> 01:14:40.411
|
|
Well, that's what that movie was about.
|
|
They were escaping. They ran away.
|
|
|
|
01:14:40.522 --> 01:14:43.150
|
|
I'm trying to agree with you.
|
|
The point is they did something.
|
|
|
|
01:14:43.258 --> 01:14:44.452
|
|
Then what are we supposed to do, huh?
|
|
|
|
01:14:44.559 --> 01:14:48.461
|
|
'Cause he's cleaning a gun
|
|
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.
|
|
|
|
01:14:48.563 --> 01:14:52.693
|
|
I'm just like a little boy,
|
|
playing with his dick when he's nervous.
|
|
|
|
01:14:55.904 --> 01:14:58.395
|
|
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
|
|
Wait a minute.
|
|
|
|
01:14:58.506 --> 01:15:01.566
|
|
I got an idea.
|
|
This might be a little crazy.
|
|
|
|
01:15:01.676 --> 01:15:03.644
|
|
Crazy's better than nothing.
|
|
|
|
01:15:03.745 --> 01:15:07.704
|
|
Back in '98, I did a low-budget
|
|
titty comedy for skinemax.
|
|
|
|
01:15:07.816 --> 01:15:11.149
|
|
- Sex camp. Remember it?
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:15:11.253 --> 01:15:15.212
|
|
Anyway, me and the campers
|
|
from the uncool camp
|
|
|
|
01:15:15.323 --> 01:15:17.848
|
|
had to break into the rich girl camp.
|
|
|
|
01:15:17.959 --> 01:15:19.654
|
|
So, what we did,
|
|
|
|
01:15:19.761 --> 01:15:22.753
|
|
we built a catapult
|
|
out of logs and underwear,
|
|
|
|
01:15:22.864 --> 01:15:26.425
|
|
and they shot us over the wall,
|
|
and we parachuted down.
|
|
|
|
01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:35.567
|
|
Look, you guys, we
|
|
already know the plan.
|
|
|
|
01:15:35.677 --> 01:15:37.645
|
|
Are you fucking kidding me?
|
|
I'm giving you gold.
|
|
|
|
01:15:37.746 --> 01:15:42.115
|
|
We do it just like in the book,
|
|
chapter 26, the wet offensive.
|
|
|
|
01:15:42.217 --> 01:15:44.617
|
|
The book of tropic thunder.
|
|
|
|
01:15:44.719 --> 01:15:46.949
|
|
Yeah, did you guys read the book?
|
|
|
|
01:15:48.256 --> 01:15:50.884
|
|
The flap, I read the back flap
|
|
and saw the pictures.
|
|
|
|
01:15:51.660 --> 01:15:54.788
|
|
Well, it's okay.
|
|
It's exactly the same as in the script.
|
|
|
|
01:15:54.896 --> 01:15:55.954
|
|
Cool.
|
|
|
|
01:15:57.933 --> 01:16:00.493
|
|
You guys all read the script, right?
|
|
|
|
01:16:00.602 --> 01:16:02.695
|
|
I don't read the script, script reads me.
|
|
|
|
01:16:03.872 --> 01:16:05.339
|
|
What the hell does that even mean?
|
|
|
|
01:16:05.440 --> 01:16:08.807
|
|
What you getting at with the books,
|
|
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!
|
|
|
|
01:16:12.147 --> 01:16:13.978
|
|
All right. The wet offensive.
|
|
|
|
01:16:15.016 --> 01:16:17.918
|
|
Osiris and fats go undercover
|
|
as a diversion.
|
|
|
|
01:16:18.019 --> 01:16:20.351
|
|
Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
|
|
via the river.
|
|
|
|
01:16:20.455 --> 01:16:22.855
|
|
Yeah. But those dudes
|
|
was trained soldiers.
|
|
|
|
01:16:24.726 --> 01:16:25.784
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
01:16:26.861 --> 01:16:29.853
|
|
And we trained actors, motherfucker.
|
|
|
|
01:16:29.965 --> 01:16:34.299
|
|
Time to man up.
|
|
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.
|
|
|
|
01:16:34.402 --> 01:16:37.166
|
|
Some of us
|
|
might not even make it back.
|
|
|
|
01:16:37.272 --> 01:16:40.366
|
|
What do you mean?
|
|
Like not on the same flight?
|
|
|
|
01:16:43.078 --> 01:16:45.842
|
|
Alpa and I's already wearing
|
|
earth mama's natural night camo.
|
|
|
|
01:16:45.947 --> 01:16:47.778
|
|
- Cool it, Benson.
|
|
- Sorry.
|
|
|
|
01:16:48.850 --> 01:16:53.378
|
|
We gonna scout, get a plan together.
|
|
We ain't back in 20, come looking.
|
|
|
|
01:16:54.889 --> 01:16:56.754
|
|
We are flaming dragon.
|
|
|
|
01:17:00.495 --> 01:17:01.689
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:17:02.998 --> 01:17:06.092
|
|
Flaming dragon's
|
|
a heroin manufacturer.
|
|
|
|
01:17:06.201 --> 01:17:09.295
|
|
They're responsible
|
|
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.
|
|
|
|
01:17:09.404 --> 01:17:12.635
|
|
- Huge profit margin.
|
|
- Guys!
|
|
|
|
01:17:12.741 --> 01:17:15.676
|
|
Would somebody please let me know
|
|
what the game plan is?
|
|
|
|
01:17:15.777 --> 01:17:17.506
|
|
Peck! We have it handled.
|
|
|
|
01:17:17.612 --> 01:17:20.103
|
|
Please, don't interrupt.
|
|
Everything's under control.
|
|
|
|
01:17:20.215 --> 01:17:22.206
|
|
I got it. Got it.
|
|
|
|
01:17:34.329 --> 01:17:36.559
|
|
- Les Grossman.
|
|
- We not get money yet.
|
|
|
|
01:17:37.098 --> 01:17:39.225
|
|
Price now 100 million!
|
|
|
|
01:17:39.334 --> 01:17:42.167
|
|
You pay now,
|
|
or tomorrow simple Jack die.
|
|
|
|
01:17:42.270 --> 01:17:45.330
|
|
Great. Let me get this down.
|
|
|
|
01:17:45.440 --> 01:17:46.873
|
|
100 million.
|
|
|
|
01:17:46.975 --> 01:17:49.443
|
|
Wait! I got a better idea.
|
|
|
|
01:17:50.245 --> 01:17:52.076
|
|
Instead of 100 million,
|
|
|
|
01:17:52.180 --> 01:17:55.047
|
|
how about I send you
|
|
a hobo's dick cheese?
|
|
|
|
01:17:55.150 --> 01:17:57.470
|
|
Then you kill him! Do your thing!
|
|
Skin the fucking bastard!
|
|
|
|
01:17:57.552 --> 01:17:59.747
|
|
Go to town, man! Go to town!
|
|
|
|
01:17:59.854 --> 01:18:02.015
|
|
- No...
|
|
- In the meantime, and as usual,
|
|
|
|
01:18:02.123 --> 01:18:03.784
|
|
go fuck yourself!
|
|
|
|
01:18:04.893 --> 01:18:07.453
|
|
- No.
|
|
- We don't negotiate with terrorists.
|
|
|
|
01:18:09.564 --> 01:18:12.294
|
|
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
|
|
Hey, hey, are you insane?
|
|
|
|
01:18:12.400 --> 01:18:14.231
|
|
- I think I could've done that better.
|
|
- I thought it was good.
|
|
|
|
01:18:14.335 --> 01:18:16.200
|
|
They're gonna kill him!
|
|
|
|
01:18:19.274 --> 01:18:20.332
|
|
And?
|
|
|
|
01:18:22.677 --> 01:18:23.803
|
|
"And?"
|
|
|
|
01:18:25.180 --> 01:18:29.207
|
|
It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.
|
|
|
|
01:18:31.519 --> 01:18:34.716
|
|
We'll weep for him, in the press.
|
|
|
|
01:18:34.856 --> 01:18:37.518
|
|
Set up a scholarship in his name.
|
|
|
|
01:18:37.625 --> 01:18:41.561
|
|
Eventually, and I'm talking way,
|
|
way down the road,
|
|
|
|
01:18:41.663 --> 01:18:43.153
|
|
we file an insurance claim.
|
|
|
|
01:18:43.264 --> 01:18:46.062
|
|
Preferably before
|
|
the end of the fiscal year.
|
|
|
|
01:18:46.167 --> 01:18:49.898
|
|
Actually, the claim alone would net us
|
|
more than the movie would lose.
|
|
|
|
01:18:52.006 --> 01:18:53.769
|
|
You can't be serious.
|
|
|
|
01:18:55.009 --> 01:18:56.567
|
|
You kick in the door to my house,
|
|
|
|
01:18:56.678 --> 01:19:02.139
|
|
all ants in your pants,
|
|
sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap
|
|
|
|
01:19:02.250 --> 01:19:06.846
|
|
for the third runner-up
|
|
sexiest man alive 1998,
|
|
|
|
01:19:06.955 --> 01:19:09.321
|
|
and you're asking if I'm serious?
|
|
|
|
01:19:13.194 --> 01:19:14.889
|
|
Let's face it.
|
|
|
|
01:19:14.996 --> 01:19:19.023
|
|
The kids aren't dressing up as scorcher
|
|
for purim anymore.
|
|
|
|
01:19:20.435 --> 01:19:23.427
|
|
Speedman is a dying star,
|
|
|
|
01:19:23.538 --> 01:19:26.769
|
|
a white dwarf heading for a black hole.
|
|
|
|
01:19:26.875 --> 01:19:29.605
|
|
That's physics. It's inevitable.
|
|
|
|
01:19:29.711 --> 01:19:33.044
|
|
We've been handed
|
|
an incredible opportunity here, peck.
|
|
|
|
01:19:33.148 --> 01:19:36.982
|
|
The universe is talking to us right now.
|
|
|
|
01:19:37.085 --> 01:19:38.643
|
|
You just gotta listen.
|
|
|
|
01:19:51.766 --> 01:19:55.361
|
|
See, this is the good part, pecker.
|
|
This is when the job gets fun.
|
|
|
|
01:19:55.470 --> 01:19:56.562
|
|
Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:19:56.671 --> 01:19:59.834
|
|
Ask and you shall receive.
|
|
|
|
01:20:00.875 --> 01:20:05.005
|
|
- All right.
|
|
- You play ball, we play ball.
|
|
|
|
01:20:05.113 --> 01:20:08.480
|
|
I know you want the goodies.
|
|
|
|
01:20:08.583 --> 01:20:10.574
|
|
Welcome to the goody room.
|
|
|
|
01:20:10.685 --> 01:20:15.315
|
|
You paying attention?
|
|
'Cause I'm talking g5 for the pecker.
|
|
|
|
01:20:15.423 --> 01:20:16.685
|
|
That's how you're gonna roll.
|
|
|
|
01:20:16.791 --> 01:20:20.750
|
|
No more frequent flier
|
|
bitch Miles for my boy.
|
|
|
|
01:20:20.862 --> 01:20:22.159
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
01:20:22.664 --> 01:20:23.926
|
|
Playa.
|
|
|
|
01:20:24.799 --> 01:20:26.130
|
|
Playa!
|
|
|
|
01:20:27.168 --> 01:20:28.465
|
|
Big dick playa.
|
|
|
|
01:20:28.570 --> 01:20:30.561
|
|
Swinging past your knees!
|
|
|
|
01:20:30.672 --> 01:20:31.696
|
|
Big dick, baby.
|
|
|
|
01:20:31.806 --> 01:20:33.000
|
|
Yep.
|
|
|
|
01:20:36.344 --> 01:20:38.938
|
|
Or you can grow a conscience
|
|
|
|
01:20:39.047 --> 01:20:41.413
|
|
in the next five minutes
|
|
and see where that takes you.
|
|
|
|
01:20:46.387 --> 01:20:48.480
|
|
Let me get this straight.
|
|
|
|
01:20:48.590 --> 01:20:52.219
|
|
You want me
|
|
to let my client of 15 years,
|
|
|
|
01:20:52.327 --> 01:20:53.692
|
|
one of my best friends,
|
|
|
|
01:20:53.795 --> 01:20:58.425
|
|
die in the jungle, alone,
|
|
for some money and a g5?
|
|
|
|
01:20:59.567 --> 01:21:00.693
|
|
Yes.
|
|
|
|
01:21:05.773 --> 01:21:08.037
|
|
A g5 airplane?
|
|
|
|
01:21:10.144 --> 01:21:11.202
|
|
Yes.
|
|
|
|
01:21:12.280 --> 01:21:14.976
|
|
And lots of money.
|
|
|
|
01:21:16.351 --> 01:21:18.512
|
|
Playa.
|
|
|
|
01:21:21.422 --> 01:21:22.616
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
01:21:23.858 --> 01:21:26.452
|
|
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!
|
|
|
|
01:21:29.030 --> 01:21:31.692
|
|
But mama take care of Jack a lot.
|
|
|
|
01:21:32.533 --> 01:21:36.264
|
|
How many more sleeps
|
|
before she wakes up again?
|
|
|
|
01:21:36.371 --> 01:21:37.895
|
|
Sorry, Jack.
|
|
|
|
01:21:38.006 --> 01:21:40.270
|
|
She in heaven now.
|
|
|
|
01:21:41.042 --> 01:21:44.307
|
|
Damn! I thought the movie was bad.
|
|
|
|
01:21:44.412 --> 01:21:47.540
|
|
She sleep forever.
|
|
|
|
01:21:47.649 --> 01:21:50.777
|
|
To the man's credit, he's actually
|
|
eased up on the retard throttle.
|
|
|
|
01:21:50.885 --> 01:21:54.480
|
|
And now that's added a balance,
|
|
and the audience can connect.
|
|
|
|
01:21:54.589 --> 01:21:58.389
|
|
I mean, this is theater 101,
|
|
but, you know, he's had a tough road.
|
|
|
|
01:21:58.493 --> 01:21:59.619
|
|
He'll become a naturalist.
|
|
|
|
01:21:59.727 --> 01:22:01.447
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
- Break down the aesthetic distance,
|
|
|
|
01:22:01.529 --> 01:22:03.258
|
|
then the...
|
|
|
|
01:22:05.933 --> 01:22:07.560
|
|
Told you I'd tag you back.
|
|
|
|
01:22:10.238 --> 01:22:12.502
|
|
Can I tell you that I'm sorry
|
|
|
|
01:22:12.607 --> 01:22:14.905
|
|
for any offense I might've caused, man?
|
|
|
|
01:22:15.009 --> 01:22:17.375
|
|
- I just got caught up in...
|
|
- In being a dumbass?
|
|
|
|
01:22:17.478 --> 01:22:18.877
|
|
I guess so.
|
|
|
|
01:22:18.980 --> 01:22:21.676
|
|
Why you still doing this
|
|
chicken George shit, I have no idea.
|
|
|
|
01:22:21.783 --> 01:22:23.080
|
|
- Neither do I.
|
|
- It's beyond me.
|
|
|
|
01:22:23.184 --> 01:22:25.379
|
|
- It's beyond me.
|
|
- You confused.
|
|
|
|
01:22:25.486 --> 01:22:27.420
|
|
- I am a little confused.
|
|
- I know.
|
|
|
|
01:22:29.023 --> 01:22:30.820
|
|
But are we cool?
|
|
|
|
01:22:30.925 --> 01:22:32.256
|
|
Not really.
|
|
|
|
01:22:36.064 --> 01:22:37.656
|
|
Hey, man.
|
|
|
|
01:22:37.765 --> 01:22:39.460
|
|
- How's it going?
|
|
- Good. Yourself?
|
|
|
|
01:22:39.567 --> 01:22:41.592
|
|
Hey, so, if it's no big deal,
|
|
|
|
01:22:41.703 --> 01:22:44.570
|
|
I think I'm just gonna hang back here
|
|
for the mission.
|
|
|
|
01:22:44.672 --> 01:22:46.299
|
|
Watch the stuff.
|
|
|
|
01:22:46.407 --> 01:22:48.432
|
|
- Is that cool?
|
|
- What? No!
|
|
|
|
01:22:48.543 --> 01:22:50.443
|
|
We need you, Jeff.
|
|
|
|
01:22:50.545 --> 01:22:52.137
|
|
What are you talking about?
|
|
|
|
01:22:52.246 --> 01:22:53.804
|
|
Okay, look, man.
|
|
|
|
01:22:55.049 --> 01:22:57.347
|
|
- I got something to tell you.
|
|
- Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:22:59.587 --> 01:23:02.317
|
|
You know those jellybeans
|
|
I was eating?
|
|
|
|
01:23:02.423 --> 01:23:05.517
|
|
Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?
|
|
|
|
01:23:06.427 --> 01:23:09.225
|
|
- They were drugs.
|
|
- Really?
|
|
|
|
01:23:09.330 --> 01:23:13.699
|
|
I get down there near the mother lode,
|
|
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.
|
|
|
|
01:23:13.801 --> 01:23:16.736
|
|
I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
|
|
in the fucking world.
|
|
|
|
01:23:20.041 --> 01:23:24.205
|
|
If you guys wanna make it through
|
|
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.
|
|
|
|
01:23:25.580 --> 01:23:29.346
|
|
- Are you serious?
|
|
- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.
|
|
|
|
01:23:29.450 --> 01:23:32.330
|
|
And you can, no matter what, you can't
|
|
fucking untie me until it is done,
|
|
|
|
01:23:32.420 --> 01:23:33.978
|
|
until it is out of my system.
|
|
|
|
01:23:34.088 --> 01:23:35.715
|
|
I'm gonna say,
|
|
"hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.
|
|
|
|
01:23:35.823 --> 01:23:37.381
|
|
"I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
|
|
Untie me."
|
|
|
|
01:23:37.492 --> 01:23:40.689
|
|
Don't listen to me!
|
|
Anything I fucking say is a lie!
|
|
|
|
01:23:40.795 --> 01:23:42.126
|
|
You got it!
|
|
|
|
01:23:42.797 --> 01:23:44.856
|
|
Goodbye, mama!
|
|
|
|
01:23:44.966 --> 01:23:48.094
|
|
Now you can have ice cream in heaven.
|
|
|
|
01:23:48.202 --> 01:23:53.162
|
|
I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
|
|
in my head movies.
|
|
|
|
01:23:54.108 --> 01:23:58.704
|
|
But this head movie
|
|
makes my eyes rain.
|
|
|
|
01:24:07.755 --> 01:24:10.986
|
|
Dang.
|
|
Short-bus is taking some real hits.
|
|
|
|
01:24:12.860 --> 01:24:15.658
|
|
- They got him on the move!
|
|
- That's torture, man.
|
|
|
|
01:24:15.797 --> 01:24:18.664
|
|
Okay. That's where they keeping him.
|
|
|
|
01:24:18.766 --> 01:24:20.961
|
|
I gotta get cracking on my costume.
|
|
|
|
01:24:21.068 --> 01:24:22.467
|
|
Say, are you good
|
|
with a needle and thread?
|
|
|
|
01:24:22.570 --> 01:24:23.594
|
|
Hell, yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:24:23.704 --> 01:24:27.037
|
|
Alpa chino chinos sold more than
|
|
five million pairs last spring at the gap.
|
|
|
|
01:24:27.141 --> 01:24:29.837
|
|
- I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
|
|
- Let's roll out.
|
|
|
|
01:25:01.843 --> 01:25:04.073
|
|
It's a little twig man Oscar.
|
|
|
|
01:25:10.685 --> 01:25:13.085
|
|
I'm going to call you half squat.
|
|
|
|
01:25:14.789 --> 01:25:16.757
|
|
And you can call me
|
|
|
|
01:25:17.825 --> 01:25:19.122
|
|
papa.
|
|
|
|
01:25:42.617 --> 01:25:44.346
|
|
Wow, look at all those stars.
|
|
|
|
01:25:46.320 --> 01:25:48.288
|
|
Really makes a guy feel pretty small.
|
|
|
|
01:25:49.824 --> 01:25:52.384
|
|
This could be the last time
|
|
we look at these stars.
|
|
|
|
01:25:53.361 --> 01:25:54.828
|
|
Man, that's beauty.
|
|
|
|
01:25:56.764 --> 01:25:59.824
|
|
Nights like tonight
|
|
make a man wonder what it's all about.
|
|
|
|
01:25:59.934 --> 01:26:02.232
|
|
Hey, you guys.
|
|
Anybody got some bug spray?
|
|
|
|
01:26:04.071 --> 01:26:05.197
|
|
Don't ignore me!
|
|
|
|
01:26:05.306 --> 01:26:08.173
|
|
Stick it out, man.
|
|
We're gonna get through this.
|
|
|
|
01:26:09.310 --> 01:26:11.369
|
|
- Hey, kirk?
|
|
- Yeah?
|
|
|
|
01:26:11.479 --> 01:26:14.312
|
|
Are you still dating
|
|
Jennifer love Hewitt?
|
|
|
|
01:26:14.415 --> 01:26:15.814
|
|
'Cause I think she's hot.
|
|
|
|
01:26:15.917 --> 01:26:19.284
|
|
No, that was just some
|
|
tabloid conjecture.
|
|
|
|
01:26:19.387 --> 01:26:23.380
|
|
Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
|
|
You can untie me now.
|
|
|
|
01:26:24.458 --> 01:26:25.789
|
|
Funny, huh?
|
|
|
|
01:26:25.893 --> 01:26:28.794
|
|
The circus life 280 days a year
|
|
on location.
|
|
|
|
01:26:30.031 --> 01:26:32.932
|
|
It's hard to find a girl
|
|
that can hang with that, you know?
|
|
|
|
01:26:34.735 --> 01:26:36.794
|
|
Not one worth keeping, nohow.
|
|
|
|
01:26:36.904 --> 01:26:39.202
|
|
Hey, radar? Evans?
|
|
|
|
01:26:39.307 --> 01:26:40.365
|
|
No, it's Kevin.
|
|
|
|
01:26:40.474 --> 01:26:42.203
|
|
Kev, whatever the fuck.
|
|
Come over here.
|
|
|
|
01:26:42.310 --> 01:26:44.540
|
|
I didn't tell you, but fatties: Fart three
|
|
is coming down the pike,
|
|
|
|
01:26:44.645 --> 01:26:48.137
|
|
and there's a role in there for you
|
|
if you come over and untie me.
|
|
|
|
01:26:48.249 --> 01:26:50.809
|
|
Jeff, you're just going to
|
|
have to tough it out.
|
|
|
|
01:26:50.918 --> 01:26:52.886
|
|
Your mother's a cankerous whore!
|
|
|
|
01:26:52.987 --> 01:26:54.318
|
|
Jesus, man.
|
|
|
|
01:26:55.356 --> 01:26:56.823
|
|
Hey, man.
|
|
|
|
01:26:56.924 --> 01:26:59.825
|
|
Remember way back when I said
|
|
your mother was a cankerous whore?
|
|
|
|
01:26:59.927 --> 01:27:03.328
|
|
I'm sorry, man.
|
|
I did not mean that. She's not.
|
|
|
|
01:27:03.431 --> 01:27:05.126
|
|
How about you, man?
|
|
|
|
01:27:05.266 --> 01:27:07.700
|
|
You got some little minx waiting for you
|
|
on the other side of tomorrow?
|
|
|
|
01:27:07.802 --> 01:27:09.269
|
|
Me?
|
|
|
|
01:27:09.370 --> 01:27:12.134
|
|
I've barely even had a girlfriend, and...
|
|
|
|
01:27:12.974 --> 01:27:16.637
|
|
I was really hoping I'd get laid
|
|
when this movie came out,
|
|
|
|
01:27:16.744 --> 01:27:19.144
|
|
but that's not gonna happen.
|
|
|
|
01:27:20.014 --> 01:27:21.481
|
|
What about you, masterblaster?
|
|
|
|
01:27:21.582 --> 01:27:24.263
|
|
You got a certain someone you trying
|
|
to get with back in the states?
|
|
|
|
01:27:24.318 --> 01:27:29.051
|
|
What, alpa chino?
|
|
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.
|
|
|
|
01:27:29.156 --> 01:27:30.384
|
|
No. You missing me, man.
|
|
|
|
01:27:30.491 --> 01:27:32.288
|
|
I'm talking about something special.
|
|
Big difference.
|
|
|
|
01:27:32.393 --> 01:27:33.587
|
|
How about it?
|
|
|
|
01:27:34.362 --> 01:27:35.488
|
|
Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:27:36.897 --> 01:27:38.865
|
|
Yeah, there is.
|
|
|
|
01:27:38.966 --> 01:27:42.299
|
|
Well? What's the skinny?
|
|
Y'all been on a date or what?
|
|
|
|
01:27:42.403 --> 01:27:44.303
|
|
No. I mean...
|
|
|
|
01:27:44.405 --> 01:27:49.240
|
|
I always wanted to, but I guess
|
|
I just never had the courage to ask.
|
|
|
|
01:27:49.343 --> 01:27:51.038
|
|
It's... it's complicated.
|
|
|
|
01:27:51.145 --> 01:27:53.579
|
|
No! It's simple as pie, man.
|
|
|
|
01:27:53.681 --> 01:27:56.275
|
|
You plant your feet in the ground, you
|
|
look her square in the eyes, you say,
|
|
|
|
01:27:56.384 --> 01:28:00.013
|
|
"hey, baby, you and me's going
|
|
on a date." That's the end of story.
|
|
|
|
01:28:00.121 --> 01:28:02.817
|
|
- What's her name?
|
|
- Lance.
|
|
|
|
01:28:02.923 --> 01:28:04.686
|
|
"Listen here, Lance..."
|
|
|
|
01:28:05.559 --> 01:28:09.359
|
|
Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
|
|
Lance?
|
|
|
|
01:28:09.463 --> 01:28:11.192
|
|
- Did you say "Lance"?
|
|
- No!
|
|
|
|
01:28:11.298 --> 01:28:13.258
|
|
- That sounded like "Lance."
|
|
- No, I said "Nance."
|
|
|
|
01:28:13.334 --> 01:28:15.575
|
|
- That's what I said, "Nance."
|
|
- It sounded like "Lance."
|
|
|
|
01:28:15.603 --> 01:28:17.127
|
|
Look, I'm alpa chino, okay?
|
|
|
|
01:28:17.238 --> 01:28:18.899
|
|
I love the pussy! All right?
|
|
|
|
01:28:19.006 --> 01:28:20.906
|
|
Lay your ass back down
|
|
and look at the stars.
|
|
|
|
01:28:21.042 --> 01:28:22.373
|
|
When you wrote I love tha pussy
|
|
|
|
01:28:22.476 --> 01:28:25.843
|
|
was you thinking of dangling your dice
|
|
on Lance's forehead?
|
|
|
|
01:28:25.946 --> 01:28:28.312
|
|
Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.
|
|
|
|
01:28:28.416 --> 01:28:31.351
|
|
- Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
|
|
- I'm not gay!
|
|
|
|
01:28:31.452 --> 01:28:32.476
|
|
This Hollywood.
|
|
|
|
01:28:32.586 --> 01:28:33.644
|
|
How about we all get back to work?
|
|
|
|
01:28:33.754 --> 01:28:35.415
|
|
- Okay. Cool.
|
|
- This is ridiculous!
|
|
|
|
01:28:35.523 --> 01:28:38.424
|
|
We got a big day tomorrow.
|
|
Let's get focused.
|
|
|
|
01:28:40.995 --> 01:28:45.830
|
|
Alpa, if you untie me,
|
|
I will literally suck your dick right now.
|
|
|
|
01:28:45.933 --> 01:28:49.164
|
|
I told you, for the last time,
|
|
I love the pussy!
|
|
|
|
01:28:50.538 --> 01:28:53.371
|
|
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,
|
|
|
|
01:28:53.474 --> 01:28:56.568
|
|
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
|
|
|
|
01:28:56.677 --> 01:28:58.736
|
|
Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
|
|
|
|
01:29:05.319 --> 01:29:06.377
|
|
Okay, so, what's the plan?
|
|
|
|
01:29:06.487 --> 01:29:07.886
|
|
Are you gonna talk vietnamese
|
|
to those dudes?
|
|
|
|
01:29:07.988 --> 01:29:09.751
|
|
No. No. Mandarin Chinese.
|
|
|
|
01:29:09.857 --> 01:29:11.552
|
|
Which, from what I can tell,
|
|
is what they speaking down there.
|
|
|
|
01:29:11.659 --> 01:29:13.217
|
|
How the hell do you know Chinese?
|
|
|
|
01:29:13.327 --> 01:29:16.785
|
|
Land of silk and money with gong li.
|
|
Second globe, third Oscar.
|
|
|
|
01:29:16.897 --> 01:29:20.856
|
|
Prepped for that one by working in
|
|
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
|
|
|
|
01:29:20.968 --> 01:29:22.902
|
|
That might be our ride.
|
|
|
|
01:29:39.653 --> 01:29:40.881
|
|
The straps are too tight!
|
|
|
|
01:29:40.988 --> 01:29:43.354
|
|
Shut your mouth and follow my lead.
|
|
|
|
01:30:11.252 --> 01:30:14.221
|
|
The straps are cutting off
|
|
my circulation!
|
|
|
|
01:30:14.321 --> 01:30:15.321
|
|
Fuck you!
|
|
|
|
01:30:22.797 --> 01:30:25.698
|
|
Not the fucking bull again.
|
|
Fucking asshole.
|
|
|
|
01:31:19.753 --> 01:31:22.449
|
|
Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.
|
|
|
|
01:31:26.961 --> 01:31:29.225
|
|
Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!
|
|
|
|
01:31:39.373 --> 01:31:40.567
|
|
Okay.
|
|
|
|
01:31:42.776 --> 01:31:44.334
|
|
All right.
|
|
|
|
01:31:44.445 --> 01:31:46.845
|
|
That looks like it could be
|
|
the munitions hut right there.
|
|
|
|
01:31:46.947 --> 01:31:49.006
|
|
I'm gonna try to find speedman
|
|
in the main building.
|
|
|
|
01:32:06.901 --> 01:32:10.598
|
|
I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
|
|
your improvising is for shit.
|
|
|
|
01:32:10.704 --> 01:32:11.830
|
|
Oh, fuck!
|
|
|
|
01:32:27.354 --> 01:32:28.946
|
|
Get over here!
|
|
|
|
01:32:30.324 --> 01:32:31.882
|
|
- What are you guys doing here?
|
|
- He has hands.
|
|
|
|
01:32:31.992 --> 01:32:34.392
|
|
- He killed Damien.
|
|
- Bullshit!
|
|
|
|
01:32:34.495 --> 01:32:36.986
|
|
- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
|
|
- Almost!
|
|
|
|
01:32:37.097 --> 01:32:40.294
|
|
What are you talking about?
|
|
Damien stepped on a old landmine.
|
|
|
|
01:32:40.401 --> 01:32:41.959
|
|
Sweet. Thank God.
|
|
|
|
01:32:42.069 --> 01:32:44.264
|
|
- We busting speedman out.
|
|
- Speedman's here?
|
|
|
|
01:33:12.433 --> 01:33:15.027
|
|
I take it y'all are doing
|
|
the wet offensive from the book.
|
|
|
|
01:33:15.135 --> 01:33:16.397
|
|
I can give y'all a diversion.
|
|
|
|
01:33:16.503 --> 01:33:20.439
|
|
I got enough shit here to light this place
|
|
up like it's the fourth of fucking July.
|
|
|
|
01:34:01.915 --> 01:34:04.383
|
|
Yes, your farm.
|
|
|
|
01:34:08.756 --> 01:34:11.156
|
|
Where is your farm,
|
|
|
|
01:34:12.726 --> 01:34:14.193
|
|
American?
|
|
|
|
01:34:17.031 --> 01:34:18.293
|
|
My farm?
|
|
|
|
01:34:20.234 --> 01:34:21.496
|
|
Oh, shit.
|
|
|
|
01:34:22.269 --> 01:34:25.466
|
|
Here's my motherfucking farm!
|
|
|
|
01:34:25.572 --> 01:34:27.062
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
01:34:32.012 --> 01:34:35.004
|
|
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
|
|
|
|
01:34:36.016 --> 01:34:37.210
|
|
Kwan-lo!
|
|
|
|
01:34:38.719 --> 01:34:40.619
|
|
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
|
|
|
|
01:34:41.121 --> 01:34:42.281
|
|
Yeah!
|
|
|
|
01:34:43.857 --> 01:34:47.054
|
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
|
|
keep your head down!
|
|
|
|
01:34:47.161 --> 01:34:49.425
|
|
Keep your head down on the ground!
|
|
|
|
01:34:49.530 --> 01:34:51.691
|
|
Nobody move or I do the little big guy!
|
|
|
|
01:34:51.799 --> 01:34:55.235
|
|
That's right,
|
|
we running this program now, j.P.
|
|
|
|
01:34:55.335 --> 01:34:57.963
|
|
Now show me where the drugs are.
|
|
|
|
01:34:58.072 --> 01:34:59.869
|
|
What the fuck?
|
|
|
|
01:34:59.973 --> 01:35:01.668
|
|
That ain't the plan!
|
|
|
|
01:35:01.775 --> 01:35:03.470
|
|
Don't judge me!
|
|
|
|
01:35:07.147 --> 01:35:08.910
|
|
He's got a real serious problem.
|
|
|
|
01:35:09.716 --> 01:35:11.980
|
|
Hey! Hey, you!
|
|
|
|
01:35:12.086 --> 01:35:16.049
|
|
Take off your clothes!
|
|
|
|
01:35:16.156 --> 01:35:17.453
|
|
What do we do now?
|
|
|
|
01:35:17.558 --> 01:35:19.389
|
|
Stick with the plan. Find speedman.
|
|
|
|
01:35:19.493 --> 01:35:21.893
|
|
Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
|
|
Come on now.
|
|
|
|
01:35:21.995 --> 01:35:25.362
|
|
Y'all heard the man.
|
|
Be suede, don't move!
|
|
|
|
01:35:25.466 --> 01:35:27.366
|
|
Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.
|
|
|
|
01:35:27.468 --> 01:35:29.959
|
|
- Door!
|
|
- One, two, three!
|
|
|
|
01:35:43.250 --> 01:35:45.081
|
|
I go high, you go low.
|
|
|
|
01:35:49.456 --> 01:35:53.324
|
|
Get down. Get down! Get down!
|
|
Chow yun-fat, get the hell down!
|
|
|
|
01:35:53.427 --> 01:35:56.726
|
|
If I see one more head pop up,
|
|
it's gonna be bullet whac-a-mole.
|
|
|
|
01:35:58.298 --> 01:35:59.731
|
|
Come on, come on!
|
|
|
|
01:35:59.833 --> 01:36:01.824
|
|
- Smoke grenade.
|
|
- Don't drop it now.
|
|
|
|
01:36:02.503 --> 01:36:04.061
|
|
Here.
|
|
|
|
01:36:04.171 --> 01:36:06.568
|
|
- What's this?
|
|
- I don't know what it's called.
|
|
|
|
01:36:06.673 --> 01:36:09.267
|
|
I just know the sound it makes
|
|
when it lies.
|
|
|
|
01:36:09.376 --> 01:36:12.903
|
|
Don't move, matchbox,
|
|
or I will shoot you.
|
|
|
|
01:36:13.013 --> 01:36:15.880
|
|
I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.
|
|
|
|
01:36:15.983 --> 01:36:17.712
|
|
I can still see you.
|
|
|
|
01:36:23.857 --> 01:36:24.949
|
|
Tugg!
|
|
|
|
01:36:27.494 --> 01:36:28.654
|
|
Tugg?
|
|
|
|
01:36:30.731 --> 01:36:31.925
|
|
Gotcha.
|
|
|
|
01:36:33.100 --> 01:36:36.001
|
|
Roll your shit up, man. We going home.
|
|
|
|
01:36:36.103 --> 01:36:37.229
|
|
Home?
|
|
|
|
01:36:39.373 --> 01:36:43.207
|
|
But I'm doing five shows a day
|
|
for a standing-room-only crowd.
|
|
|
|
01:36:43.310 --> 01:36:45.870
|
|
Don't you get it? I already am home.
|
|
|
|
01:36:48.182 --> 01:36:51.310
|
|
All right, now, dude, you gotta get it...
|
|
|
|
01:36:51.418 --> 01:36:53.613
|
|
My son gave this to me.
|
|
|
|
01:36:53.720 --> 01:36:57.212
|
|
- That's your stick buddy?
|
|
- His name is twigman.
|
|
|
|
01:36:57.324 --> 01:36:59.155
|
|
Does he wanna come with us?
|
|
|
|
01:37:20.147 --> 01:37:22.274
|
|
Get down! Get down! Get down!
|
|
|
|
01:37:22.382 --> 01:37:27.342
|
|
Maybe y'all heard of me.
|
|
Y'all heard of alpa chino? No?
|
|
|
|
01:37:27.454 --> 01:37:29.922
|
|
I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah
|
|
|
|
01:37:30.023 --> 01:37:31.149
|
|
they're not your demo, dude.
|
|
|
|
01:37:31.625 --> 01:37:34.025
|
|
Come on.
|
|
Six motherfucking vmas, baby.
|
|
|
|
01:37:34.127 --> 01:37:37.324
|
|
Two bet awards. Alpa chino.
|
|
|
|
01:37:37.431 --> 01:37:43.836
|
|
Like him in carlito's way?
|
|
|
|
01:37:44.204 --> 01:37:46.866
|
|
Hey, yo, you know what?
|
|
Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.
|
|
|
|
01:37:46.974 --> 01:37:48.908
|
|
What're you sayin'? Huh?
|
|
|
|
01:37:49.009 --> 01:37:53.571
|
|
Devil's advocate. Dog day afternoon.
|
|
|
|
01:37:53.947 --> 01:37:56.780
|
|
Cruising. Sea of love.
|
|
|
|
01:37:56.883 --> 01:37:59.875
|
|
Real Al Pacino.
|
|
|
|
01:37:59.987 --> 01:38:03.582
|
|
Get the fuck down. That's a whole
|
|
different dude altogether.
|
|
|
|
01:38:03.690 --> 01:38:06.750
|
|
What you doing? What you doing?
|
|
Don't touch that gun.
|
|
|
|
01:38:06.860 --> 01:38:08.259
|
|
Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!
|
|
|
|
01:38:08.362 --> 01:38:10.660
|
|
On my momma, if you touch that gun...
|
|
|
|
01:38:15.302 --> 01:38:17.702
|
|
- Oh, shit, it's on!
|
|
- Over here!
|
|
|
|
01:38:52.105 --> 01:38:53.868
|
|
- What're you doing?
|
|
- I'm gonna give these boys
|
|
|
|
01:38:53.974 --> 01:38:55.601
|
|
a hanoi high-five.
|
|
|
|
01:39:08.255 --> 01:39:09.620
|
|
Shadow me, Pinocchio!
|
|
|
|
01:39:10.390 --> 01:39:11.618
|
|
Smoke!
|
|
|
|
01:39:17.464 --> 01:39:19.159
|
|
Oh, shit!
|
|
|
|
01:39:24.004 --> 01:39:25.528
|
|
Jeff, don't!
|
|
|
|
01:39:26.373 --> 01:39:28.364
|
|
It doesn't matter what I do.
|
|
|
|
01:39:28.475 --> 01:39:31.444
|
|
I'll always be a screw-up.
|
|
No one'll ever respect me.
|
|
|
|
01:39:31.545 --> 01:39:35.538
|
|
That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
|
|
You make so many people laugh.
|
|
|
|
01:39:35.649 --> 01:39:37.879
|
|
They only laugh at my farts.
|
|
|
|
01:39:37.984 --> 01:39:39.975
|
|
Jeff, we really need to go now!
|
|
|
|
01:39:40.087 --> 01:39:41.679
|
|
This is all I deserve!
|
|
|
|
01:40:01.842 --> 01:40:04.072
|
|
Laugh at that, you bastards!
|
|
|
|
01:40:04.177 --> 01:40:07.578
|
|
Hilarious! Hilarious!
|
|
|
|
01:40:09.116 --> 01:40:11.949
|
|
Let's move. We only have 16 hours
|
|
before they wake up.
|
|
|
|
01:40:28.235 --> 01:40:29.827
|
|
Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.
|
|
|
|
01:40:29.936 --> 01:40:32.871
|
|
These assholes are gonna be crawling
|
|
in here ready to fucking eat us.
|
|
|
|
01:40:35.809 --> 01:40:38.676
|
|
There. All right, you keep six right here.
|
|
|
|
01:40:40.614 --> 01:40:42.775
|
|
Come on, let's go.
|
|
|
|
01:40:42.883 --> 01:40:44.817
|
|
Come on, what are you guys doing?
|
|
Let's get out of here!
|
|
|
|
01:40:44.918 --> 01:40:46.579
|
|
He's on tilt status.
|
|
|
|
01:40:46.686 --> 01:40:50.645
|
|
Same thing happened to me when
|
|
I played Neil Armstrong in moonshot.
|
|
|
|
01:40:50.757 --> 01:40:52.850
|
|
They found me in an alley in Burbank
|
|
|
|
01:40:52.959 --> 01:40:56.190
|
|
trying to re-enter the earth's
|
|
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
|
|
|
|
01:40:56.930 --> 01:40:57.988
|
|
What're you talking about?
|
|
|
|
01:40:58.098 --> 01:41:00.464
|
|
Come on, fellas, we really need to go.
|
|
|
|
01:41:00.567 --> 01:41:05.004
|
|
Daggomit, blamtucky,
|
|
I ain't re-programming a vcr.
|
|
|
|
01:41:10.911 --> 01:41:13.141
|
|
Give me the flame thrower.
|
|
You gotta start the chopper.
|
|
|
|
01:41:13.246 --> 01:41:16.682
|
|
- No, fuck that! Just give me this.
|
|
- No time! I'll take care of this!
|
|
|
|
01:41:17.918 --> 01:41:19.818
|
|
All right. Give me your hooks.
|
|
|
|
01:41:19.920 --> 01:41:21.547
|
|
Don't worry,
|
|
I'm not gonna put them on again.
|
|
|
|
01:41:21.655 --> 01:41:24.488
|
|
- Just give me your goddamn hooks.
|
|
- All right. Here.
|
|
|
|
01:41:24.591 --> 01:41:26.752
|
|
Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!
|
|
|
|
01:41:31.698 --> 01:41:33.859
|
|
Shit! Enough!
|
|
|
|
01:41:33.967 --> 01:41:35.867
|
|
Fake shit!
|
|
|
|
01:41:38.972 --> 01:41:40.098
|
|
Fuck!
|
|
|
|
01:41:47.814 --> 01:41:50.977
|
|
Go get your guys!
|
|
Get them to the chopper!
|
|
|
|
01:41:51.084 --> 01:41:53.177
|
|
I'll take care of these yahoos!
|
|
|
|
01:41:55.222 --> 01:41:57.486
|
|
You're gonna focus up now,
|
|
motherfucker, and say it.
|
|
|
|
01:41:57.591 --> 01:41:59.718
|
|
- "It's me, tugg!"
|
|
- It's me, tugg.
|
|
|
|
01:41:59.826 --> 01:42:01.293
|
|
That's right! Now, tugg who?
|
|
|
|
01:42:01.394 --> 01:42:04.192
|
|
- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
|
|
- Me?
|
|
|
|
01:42:04.297 --> 01:42:05.992
|
|
I know who I am!
|
|
|
|
01:42:06.099 --> 01:42:09.830
|
|
I'm a dude playing a dude
|
|
disguised as another dude.
|
|
|
|
01:42:09.936 --> 01:42:10.994
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
01:42:11.104 --> 01:42:13.197
|
|
You a dude
|
|
that don't know what dude he is!
|
|
|
|
01:42:13.306 --> 01:42:16.002
|
|
Or are you a dude who has no idea
|
|
what dude he is
|
|
|
|
01:42:16.109 --> 01:42:17.371
|
|
and claims to know what dude he is...
|
|
|
|
01:42:17.477 --> 01:42:19.240
|
|
What the fuck
|
|
are you guys talking about?
|
|
|
|
01:42:19.346 --> 01:42:20.438
|
|
By playing other dudes?
|
|
|
|
01:42:20.547 --> 01:42:21.741
|
|
I know what dude I am!
|
|
|
|
01:42:21.848 --> 01:42:24.646
|
|
- You're scared.
|
|
- I ain't scared. Scared of what?
|
|
|
|
01:42:24.751 --> 01:42:26.013
|
|
Or scared of who?
|
|
|
|
01:42:26.119 --> 01:42:28.713
|
|
- Scared of who?
|
|
- Come on, guys. We really need to go!
|
|
|
|
01:42:28.822 --> 01:42:30.084
|
|
Scared of you.
|
|
|
|
01:42:34.995 --> 01:42:37.327
|
|
- Jesus.
|
|
- What's going on?
|
|
|
|
01:42:37.430 --> 01:42:38.954
|
|
The dudes are emerging.
|
|
|
|
01:42:39.065 --> 01:42:40.396
|
|
He's right, you know.
|
|
|
|
01:42:42.168 --> 01:42:43.567
|
|
I am not
|
|
|
|
01:42:45.138 --> 01:42:46.833
|
|
sergeant Lincoln osiris.
|
|
|
|
01:42:51.244 --> 01:42:52.711
|
|
We gotta roll out.
|
|
|
|
01:42:52.812 --> 01:42:56.043
|
|
Nor am I father O'Malley.
|
|
|
|
01:42:58.285 --> 01:43:01.220
|
|
Or Neil Armstrong.
|
|
|
|
01:43:08.795 --> 01:43:10.956
|
|
I think I might be nobody.
|
|
|
|
01:43:12.365 --> 01:43:13.525
|
|
Wow!
|
|
|
|
01:43:13.633 --> 01:43:16.295
|
|
The insecurity level
|
|
with you guys is ridiculous!
|
|
|
|
01:43:17.571 --> 01:43:20.540
|
|
- Everybody's got issues!
|
|
- Yeah, man, everybody got issues.
|
|
|
|
01:43:20.640 --> 01:43:23.200
|
|
Come on! You're kirk Lazarus.
|
|
|
|
01:43:23.310 --> 01:43:25.471
|
|
You're the whole reason
|
|
I got into acting.
|
|
|
|
01:43:25.579 --> 01:43:27.410
|
|
I memorized every single monologue
|
|
|
|
01:43:27.514 --> 01:43:30.108
|
|
you ever did
|
|
when I was in theater school.
|
|
|
|
01:43:30.216 --> 01:43:32.241
|
|
- Really?
|
|
- Yeah. And look, tugg!
|
|
|
|
01:43:32.352 --> 01:43:34.786
|
|
I saw scorcher I
|
|
24 times when I was in eighth grade.
|
|
|
|
01:43:34.888 --> 01:43:37.857
|
|
That shit blew me away!
|
|
I got high to that shit! You the man!
|
|
|
|
01:43:37.958 --> 01:43:41.086
|
|
Yeah, man, scorcher I was great.
|
|
Let's get the fuck out of here!
|
|
|
|
01:43:41.194 --> 01:43:45.324
|
|
Tugg, tugger, you're the last piece
|
|
of the puzzle, buddy.
|
|
|
|
01:43:45.432 --> 01:43:48.424
|
|
We need you! Your men need you!
|
|
Are you with us?
|
|
|
|
01:43:52.772 --> 01:43:54.763
|
|
I'm a rooster illusion.
|
|
|
|
01:43:54.874 --> 01:43:56.068
|
|
Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
|
|
|
|
01:43:56.176 --> 01:43:59.339
|
|
Let's move. Come on. Come on.
|
|
Double time. Gotta go!
|
|
|
|
01:44:01.881 --> 01:44:03.678
|
|
Come on, come on, come on.
|
|
|
|
01:44:07.454 --> 01:44:09.388
|
|
Bingo! Move out.
|
|
|
|
01:44:11.324 --> 01:44:12.689
|
|
Oh, God.
|
|
|
|
01:44:14.661 --> 01:44:17.528
|
|
Just say no to this,
|
|
you drug-making midget.
|
|
|
|
01:44:22.102 --> 01:44:23.569
|
|
Gotta hold on!
|
|
|
|
01:44:29.743 --> 01:44:31.108
|
|
Four leaf!
|
|
|
|
01:44:35.849 --> 01:44:37.180
|
|
You grew hands?
|
|
|
|
01:44:46.426 --> 01:44:47.950
|
|
Rpg, gentlemen!
|
|
|
|
01:44:50.730 --> 01:44:52.254
|
|
Where are you going?
|
|
|
|
01:44:57.771 --> 01:45:00.296
|
|
Oh, my God.
|
|
I am moving to catering after this.
|
|
|
|
01:45:22.328 --> 01:45:23.659
|
|
My ass!
|
|
|
|
01:45:26.900 --> 01:45:28.231
|
|
My ass!
|
|
|
|
01:45:29.836 --> 01:45:33.101
|
|
Hey, yo!
|
|
We gotta get our shit together, tugg!
|
|
|
|
01:45:33.206 --> 01:45:35.436
|
|
We gotta get his cracker ass
|
|
to the chopper!
|
|
|
|
01:45:35.542 --> 01:45:39.842
|
|
Are you still crazy?
|
|
We gotta get candisky to the chopper!
|
|
|
|
01:45:39.946 --> 01:45:41.413
|
|
It's sandusky.
|
|
|
|
01:45:43.283 --> 01:45:46.582
|
|
- Kevin sandusky.
|
|
- That's my name.
|
|
|
|
01:45:46.686 --> 01:45:48.278
|
|
You remembered my name.
|
|
|
|
01:45:48.388 --> 01:45:50.413
|
|
Alpa, go help Cody.
|
|
|
|
01:45:50.523 --> 01:45:52.514
|
|
Portnoy, get sandusky
|
|
back to the chopper. Go!
|
|
|
|
01:45:52.625 --> 01:45:54.456
|
|
- I got him!
|
|
- Let's go!
|
|
|
|
01:45:55.895 --> 01:45:57.419
|
|
Let's get out of here!
|
|
|
|
01:46:09.309 --> 01:46:10.799
|
|
Hey, leaf!
|
|
|
|
01:46:10.910 --> 01:46:12.138
|
|
- Leaf!
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:46:12.245 --> 01:46:13.245
|
|
Hit the plunger
|
|
|
|
01:46:13.346 --> 01:46:15.106
|
|
- as soon as they clear the bridge!
|
|
- Got it!
|
|
|
|
01:46:19.786 --> 01:46:22.220
|
|
Come on! Get in the chopper!
|
|
|
|
01:46:22.422 --> 01:46:25.220
|
|
- Come on! Move!
|
|
- Kirk! Wait!
|
|
|
|
01:46:29.763 --> 01:46:31.390
|
|
Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!
|
|
|
|
01:46:31.498 --> 01:46:33.295
|
|
Are you the special effects guy?
|
|
|
|
01:46:33.399 --> 01:46:35.526
|
|
- You God damn right I am.
|
|
- Fuck yeah!
|
|
|
|
01:46:35.935 --> 01:46:37.129
|
|
Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
|
|
Come on!
|
|
|
|
01:46:37.237 --> 01:46:39.831
|
|
You don't have to! You don't have to!
|
|
I'm staying.
|
|
|
|
01:46:39.939 --> 01:46:41.429
|
|
No, I can't let you do that, mate.
|
|
We gotta go.
|
|
|
|
01:46:41.541 --> 01:46:44.066
|
|
No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
|
|
They'll listen to me.
|
|
|
|
01:46:44.177 --> 01:46:46.668
|
|
I know it sounds weird,
|
|
but I have a connection with them.
|
|
|
|
01:46:46.780 --> 01:46:49.660
|
|
You're not doing tofu dinner theater
|
|
for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!
|
|
|
|
01:46:49.682 --> 01:46:53.516
|
|
- Get over here!
|
|
- I have a son now. Little half squat.
|
|
|
|
01:46:53.620 --> 01:46:55.178
|
|
Who in crikey fuck is half squat?
|
|
|
|
01:46:55.288 --> 01:46:57.518
|
|
He's my son. He's my boy!
|
|
|
|
01:46:57.624 --> 01:47:00.058
|
|
He needs me. I have to go back to him.
|
|
|
|
01:47:03.196 --> 01:47:04.857
|
|
You tell the world what happened here.
|
|
|
|
01:47:04.964 --> 01:47:06.795
|
|
What happened here?
|
|
|
|
01:47:06.900 --> 01:47:09.130
|
|
I don't know, but you need to tell them.
|
|
|
|
01:47:11.504 --> 01:47:13.335
|
|
I got this.
|
|
|
|
01:47:13.439 --> 01:47:14.599
|
|
Tugg!
|
|
|
|
01:47:15.308 --> 01:47:18.869
|
|
You take care of the boys!
|
|
I'll deal with these guys.
|
|
|
|
01:47:20.280 --> 01:47:23.875
|
|
Where is he going?
|
|
We're gonna fucking die!
|
|
|
|
01:47:23.983 --> 01:47:26.611
|
|
Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
|
|
Let's go.
|
|
|
|
01:47:26.719 --> 01:47:27.913
|
|
- You've got hands.
|
|
- Yeah.
|
|
|
|
01:47:28.021 --> 01:47:30.148
|
|
- Fuck! You've got hands?
|
|
- Come on!
|
|
|
|
01:47:31.224 --> 01:47:32.350
|
|
- Come on!
|
|
- Get in!
|
|
|
|
01:47:32.458 --> 01:47:34.085
|
|
- Come on!
|
|
- He's staying?
|
|
|
|
01:47:34.194 --> 01:47:36.458
|
|
Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
|
|
Get out of here!
|
|
|
|
01:47:41.034 --> 01:47:45.528
|
|
I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
|
|
Blow the fucking bridge!
|
|
|
|
01:47:51.377 --> 01:47:52.776
|
|
I got this.
|
|
|
|
01:47:53.446 --> 01:47:54.879
|
|
Leaf, no!
|
|
|
|
01:48:39.025 --> 01:48:41.653
|
|
It's over! He's gone!
|
|
|
|
01:48:41.761 --> 01:48:43.820
|
|
Cody! We gotta go!
|
|
|
|
01:48:45.832 --> 01:48:47.026
|
|
Look.
|
|
|
|
01:49:09.656 --> 01:49:10.987
|
|
Think he's done.
|
|
|
|
01:49:11.090 --> 01:49:12.318
|
|
Cover me!
|
|
|
|
01:49:13.393 --> 01:49:16.328
|
|
- Come on!
|
|
- Wait, come back!
|
|
|
|
01:49:16.429 --> 01:49:18.158
|
|
How do we cover him?
|
|
|
|
01:49:22.402 --> 01:49:25.803
|
|
All right, game over. Come on, mate.
|
|
Come on.
|
|
|
|
01:49:25.905 --> 01:49:28.499
|
|
- You all right, man?
|
|
- I'm cold.
|
|
|
|
01:49:28.608 --> 01:49:30.599
|
|
I can't feel my legs.
|
|
|
|
01:49:30.710 --> 01:49:33.645
|
|
No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
|
|
There's a puddle right there.
|
|
|
|
01:49:33.746 --> 01:49:34.940
|
|
- No worries.
|
|
- Good.
|
|
|
|
01:49:35.048 --> 01:49:36.345
|
|
Come on, we gotta split, man.
|
|
|
|
01:49:36.449 --> 01:49:38.747
|
|
- You guys came back for me.
|
|
- Course.
|
|
|
|
01:49:38.851 --> 01:49:41.183
|
|
Hey! I want you to know something.
|
|
|
|
01:49:41.287 --> 01:49:42.481
|
|
What?
|
|
|
|
01:49:43.656 --> 01:49:45.453
|
|
I know who you are.
|
|
|
|
01:49:47.560 --> 01:49:49.323
|
|
You're my friend.
|
|
|
|
01:49:51.597 --> 01:49:53.224
|
|
You're my brother.
|
|
|
|
01:49:54.100 --> 01:49:56.933
|
|
But like a really cool brother, you know?
|
|
|
|
01:49:57.036 --> 01:49:58.401
|
|
Like a brother
|
|
where there was no animosity or...
|
|
|
|
01:49:58.504 --> 01:50:01.337
|
|
Don't look now,
|
|
you got some real tears going.
|
|
|
|
01:50:01.441 --> 01:50:02.441
|
|
Really?
|
|
|
|
01:50:02.542 --> 01:50:04.032
|
|
That's the stuff
|
|
that accolades are made of.
|
|
|
|
01:50:04.143 --> 01:50:05.610
|
|
Jesus, let's go, man!
|
|
|
|
01:50:05.712 --> 01:50:07.813
|
|
All right?
|
|
|
|
01:50:08.748 --> 01:50:10.181
|
|
Upsy-Daisy.
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01:50:11.951 --> 01:50:14.943
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Come on! Come on! Come on!
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Let's go! Let's go!
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01:50:17.090 --> 01:50:18.387
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Get in! Get in!
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01:50:18.491 --> 01:50:20.516
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Come on! Here we go!
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01:50:23.062 --> 01:50:25.860
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Tuggernuts! I got it!
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01:50:28.234 --> 01:50:30.532
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- Tugger!
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- Rick!
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01:50:33.139 --> 01:50:34.367
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What the fuck?
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01:50:34.474 --> 01:50:36.101
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I got the TiVo!
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01:50:37.010 --> 01:50:41.413
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My friend wants a TiVo,
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my friend gets a TiVo!
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01:50:46.586 --> 01:50:47.848
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Oh, shit!
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01:51:24.690 --> 01:51:26.715
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And the Oscar goes to...
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01:51:29.462 --> 01:51:31.760
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Yes! Tugg speedman.
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01:51:33.399 --> 01:51:36.095
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"Tropic blunder,
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the true story behind the making
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01:51:36.202 --> 01:51:38.727
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"of the most expensive
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fake true war story ever."
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01:51:40.306 --> 01:51:41.432
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Yeah!
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01:51:46.145 --> 01:51:48.045
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Yeah, you son of a bitch!
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01:52:07.366 --> 01:52:11.735
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Eight oscars, $400 million
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01:52:11.838 --> 01:52:15.069
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and you saved
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tugg speedman's career.
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01:52:15.174 --> 01:52:18.041
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I couldn't have done it
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without you, slolom.
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01:52:20.079 --> 01:52:21.171
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Really?
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01:52:21.280 --> 01:52:23.271
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No, dickhead, of course I could.
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01:52:23.382 --> 01:52:26.044
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- A nutless monkey could do your job.
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- Well, I...
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01:52:26.152 --> 01:52:29.053
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Now, go get drunk
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and take credit at all the parties.
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01:52:29.155 --> 01:52:31.851
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- I would never do that to...
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- Joking.
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01:52:31.958 --> 01:52:33.323
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- Yeah?
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- Yeah.
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01:52:33.426 --> 01:52:35.621
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Very... okay, there he is.
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01:52:35.728 --> 01:52:37.218
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- There he is. Okay.
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- Go have fun.
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01:52:37.330 --> 01:52:38.854
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All right. We're having a...
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01:52:38.965 --> 01:52:41.445
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Fuck, okay. Thank you, les.
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Thank you. You have a good night...
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01:52:41.467 --> 01:52:43.867
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But seriously,
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a nutless monkey could do your job.
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01:52:43.970 --> 01:52:45.699
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Good. Thank you, sir.
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