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WEBVTT
00:02:43.510 --> 00:02:45.637
That's a big fella! Whoa!
00:03:13.626 --> 00:03:15.669
- Looks great.
- Thank you.
00:03:16.003 --> 00:03:17.922
Happy vacation, honey.
00:03:19.340 --> 00:03:21.967
Manchurian tung oil!
Where did you get this?
00:03:22.301 --> 00:03:23.969
Helen got it for me in Oslo.
00:03:24.053 --> 00:03:27.806
There's enough here
to do the whole table and the bureau.
00:03:30.267 --> 00:03:32.186
I wonder what this could be.
00:03:32.269 --> 00:03:34.647
Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.
00:03:34.730 --> 00:03:36.941
Enough to do the entire guest room.
00:03:37.024 --> 00:03:39.401
I'm so glad we're spending
our vacation at home.
00:03:39.485 --> 00:03:42.363
- I'm gonna get started now.
- Where are you going?
00:03:46.408 --> 00:03:48.536
- I'll get it.
- Be my guest.
00:03:53.249 --> 00:03:55.501
- Maybe you should get it.
- I'll go.
00:04:01.882 --> 00:04:03.133
Oh, no!
00:04:09.058 --> 00:04:10.226
Jane.
00:04:12.270 --> 00:04:14.188
It's your turn, honey.
00:04:27.034 --> 00:04:29.162
- Good luck, honey.
- Thanks.
00:04:31.372 --> 00:04:34.458
Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you.
Heard you were on vacation.
00:04:34.542 --> 00:04:36.043
That's right. Complete vacation.
00:04:36.127 --> 00:04:37.920
Today I'm $260,000!
00:04:40.006 --> 00:04:42.967
- It's 6:45 in the morning.
- This offer is real.
00:04:43.050 --> 00:04:46.470
From a man in New York City
who only saw a photograph.
00:04:46.554 --> 00:04:49.307
Jane, don't send people photos
of our house.
00:04:49.390 --> 00:04:53.644
He wants to bring the wife and family
here for some peace and quiet.
00:04:53.728 --> 00:04:55.521
That's what we're looking for.
00:04:55.605 --> 00:05:00.028
This house is too big for you.
It ought to be for a couple with kids.
00:05:01.821 --> 00:05:05.158
I didn't mean anything.
But this house is too big.
00:05:05.575 --> 00:05:09.078
- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?
- Think about it.
00:05:22.592 --> 00:05:24.886
I was telling Barbara about this offer
on the house...
00:05:24.969 --> 00:05:26.012
No, Jane.
00:05:33.978 --> 00:05:35.897
Come with me to the store.
00:05:35.980 --> 00:05:39.234
- What for?
- I need a new brush for the tung oil.
00:05:39.692 --> 00:05:43.613
- And I want to get a part for the model.
- Just run in, okay?
00:06:02.133 --> 00:06:05.053
Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation.
00:06:05.595 --> 00:06:09.307
Jane says we should sell the house
to someone with a family.
00:06:09.391 --> 00:06:12.352
I don't think it's any of Jane's business.
00:06:12.894 --> 00:06:15.981
Besides, we could try again
on this vacation.
00:06:16.398 --> 00:06:18.483
Really? What are you saying?
00:06:35.709 --> 00:06:38.378
- How are you doing, Ernie?
- Hi, how are you?
00:06:47.598 --> 00:06:48.807
Good morning, Adam.
00:06:48.891 --> 00:06:51.476
- Need a haircut before your vacation?
- No, thanks, Bill.
00:06:51.560 --> 00:06:53.228
- How's the model coming?
- Great.
00:06:53.312 --> 00:06:57.483
You know, Bozman built that foundation
in 1835. His grandson...
00:07:07.910 --> 00:07:10.913
He's got hair down
to his goddamn shoulders.
00:07:11.413 --> 00:07:14.208
He says to me, "Just trim it a little."
00:07:14.625 --> 00:07:17.920
- I took the scissors to him so fast...
- See you later.
00:07:32.309 --> 00:07:35.979
- This will be great.
- Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica?
00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:39.777
- No way. There's no place like home.
- Look out for that...
00:08:24.822 --> 00:08:27.158
Perfect start to our vacation.
00:08:27.324 --> 00:08:29.910
You'll feel better when you're dry.
00:08:31.873 --> 00:08:34.625
That fire wasn't burning when we left.
00:08:35.710 --> 00:08:39.005
- How's your arm?
- I don't know. It feels frozen.
00:08:56.397 --> 00:08:59.192
I'll make some coffee
and you get wood for the fire.
00:08:59.275 --> 00:09:02.069
Maybe we should take things extra slow.
00:09:02.153 --> 00:09:04.947
Do you remember how
we got back up here?
00:09:06.866 --> 00:09:10.286
I'm going back to that bridge
and retrace our steps.
00:09:25.094 --> 00:09:26.846
- You saved my...
- Two hours!
00:09:26.930 --> 00:09:30.350
- You won't believe... What?
- That's how long you were gone.
00:09:31.601 --> 00:09:34.437
- What is going on?
- I have to show you something.
00:09:35.980 --> 00:09:37.148
Look.
00:09:45.114 --> 00:09:46.616
There's that.
00:09:47.116 --> 00:09:48.827
And there's that.
00:09:56.417 --> 00:09:59.712
- "Handbook for the Recently Diseased."
- Deceased.
00:10:02.298 --> 00:10:03.633
Deceased.
00:10:03.883 --> 00:10:07.512
I don't know where it came from.
Look at the publisher.
00:10:11.516 --> 00:10:14.477
"Handbook for
the Recently Deceased Press."
00:10:14.978 --> 00:10:18.400
You know what?
I don't think we survived the crash.
00:10:22.821 --> 00:10:24.239
I hate this.
00:10:24.322 --> 00:10:26.491
Can you give me the basics?
00:10:27.450 --> 00:10:30.453
This book isn't arranged that way.
What do you want to know?
00:10:30.537 --> 00:10:33.957
Why did you disappear
when you stepped off the porch?
00:10:34.040 --> 00:10:36.585
Are we halfway to heaven
or halfway to hell?
00:10:36.668 --> 00:10:38.670
How long will this last?
00:10:38.753 --> 00:10:41.047
I don't see anything about heaven or hell.
00:10:41.131 --> 00:10:44.092
This book reads like stereo instructions.
Listen.
00:10:44.176 --> 00:10:46.136
"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.
00:10:46.219 --> 00:10:49.848
"Functional perimeters vary from
manifestation to manifestation."
00:10:51.433 --> 00:10:53.643
This is going to take some time.
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:19.755
Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?
00:11:20.130 --> 00:11:23.467
I better find a job.
Let's see. Business section.
00:11:29.556 --> 00:11:32.184
What do we got here? The Maitlands.
00:11:34.186 --> 00:11:37.064
Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too.
00:11:44.279 --> 00:11:46.907
I wish I had a better view
of the cemetery from here.
00:11:46.990 --> 00:11:49.993
I can't tell which is
the best placement for us.
00:11:55.415 --> 00:11:56.875
Cabin fever?
00:11:57.292 --> 00:11:59.253
I can't clean anything properly.
00:11:59.336 --> 00:12:02.130
The vacuum's in the garage
and we can't leave the house.
00:12:02.214 --> 00:12:05.761
Why don't they tell us something?
Where are the other dead people?
00:12:05.845 --> 00:12:07.972
Why is it just you and me?
00:12:08.722 --> 00:12:10.599
Maybe this is heaven.
00:12:11.308 --> 00:12:14.061
In heaven there wouldn't be dust
on everything.
00:12:22.695 --> 00:12:23.988
It's Jane.
00:12:27.825 --> 00:12:29.577
- What's she doing here?
- I don't know.
00:12:29.660 --> 00:12:31.537
Jane, up here. Jane!
00:12:37.877 --> 00:12:39.962
She can't see you, right?
00:12:42.590 --> 00:12:46.552
In the book, rule number two:
"The living usually won't see the dead."
00:12:48.179 --> 00:12:50.931
- Won't or can't?
- It just says "won't."
00:12:51.015 --> 00:12:54.977
God, this book is so stupid!
I can't understand anything in it.
00:12:56.270 --> 00:12:57.815
Barb, honey...
00:12:58.524 --> 00:13:00.067
...we're dead.
00:13:00.359 --> 00:13:03.696
I don't think we have much
to worry about anymore.
00:13:36.479 --> 00:13:39.482
This is great!
Just what the doctor ordered.
00:13:45.696 --> 00:13:47.198
Sorry, ma'am.
00:13:49.283 --> 00:13:51.412
Delia Deetz, welcome home.
00:13:52.872 --> 00:13:54.165
Charles!
00:13:54.666 --> 00:13:59.254
It's okay, there's no damage. See?
Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.
00:13:59.796 --> 00:14:03.925
Look at that kitchen. You'll finally
be able to cook a decent meal.
00:14:06.803 --> 00:14:08.513
Come and have a look.
00:14:17.564 --> 00:14:20.567
A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.
00:14:21.734 --> 00:14:23.736
Excuse me. Here we go.
00:14:34.998 --> 00:14:37.333
We'll have to rip out all the plumbing.
00:14:37.417 --> 00:14:40.545
Other than that, it's perfect. Just perfect.
00:14:41.671 --> 00:14:44.634
- What do you think, honey?
- Delia hates it.
00:14:48.305 --> 00:14:49.764
I could live here.
00:14:50.015 --> 00:14:51.683
Careful! That's my sculpture.
00:14:51.766 --> 00:14:54.978
I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."
I mean I made it.
00:14:57.022 --> 00:14:58.857
Put it on the table.
00:15:07.199 --> 00:15:10.285
Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease.
00:15:11.203 --> 00:15:12.621
It's perfect.
00:15:12.704 --> 00:15:13.872
Help!
00:15:14.789 --> 00:15:16.166
It's Otho.
00:15:16.708 --> 00:15:19.669
Otho, why don't you come
in the front door?
00:15:20.045 --> 00:15:21.463
It's bad luck.
00:15:21.546 --> 00:15:24.466
You left the city for me. I am so happy.
00:15:24.841 --> 00:15:26.593
Of course you are.
00:15:29.262 --> 00:15:31.431
Let's get one thing straight.
00:15:31.515 --> 00:15:35.477
We're here to enjoy the country setting,
not to trash the place!
00:15:35.560 --> 00:15:38.190
Charles, you're lucky
the yuppies are buying condos...
00:15:38.273 --> 00:15:42.402
...so you can afford what I'm going
to have to do to this place.
00:15:42.694 --> 00:15:46.949
I'm here to relax and clip coupons,
and, damn it, I mean to do it.
00:15:47.199 --> 00:15:49.826
Then go do it quietly, dear,
and let Otho and me think.
00:15:49.910 --> 00:15:52.037
Is the rest of the house as bad as this?
00:15:52.120 --> 00:15:53.997
Is this a punishment?
00:15:55.207 --> 00:15:56.917
What are we going to do?
00:15:57.793 --> 00:16:00.128
We're not completely helpless.
00:16:00.420 --> 00:16:04.633
I've been reading that book and there's
a word for people in our situation.
00:16:05.175 --> 00:16:06.426
Ghosts!
00:16:07.803 --> 00:16:10.222
Let's get this show on the road.
00:16:13.475 --> 00:16:15.853
We're dealing with
negative entertainment potential.
00:16:15.936 --> 00:16:18.772
There's absolutely no organic flow through.
00:16:18.856 --> 00:16:21.775
I noticed that, too.
It's like a giant ant farm.
00:16:24.903 --> 00:16:27.406
- What?
- I thought I saw something.
00:16:38.878 --> 00:16:40.713
You've read my mind.
00:16:41.380 --> 00:16:44.300
- I did?
- So few clients are able to read my mind.
00:16:44.383 --> 00:16:46.969
They're not open to the experience.
00:16:55.102 --> 00:16:56.353
My God!
00:16:57.062 --> 00:17:01.192
We just have to pray the other closets
are bigger than this one.
00:17:01.525 --> 00:17:02.693
Look!
00:17:03.694 --> 00:17:05.446
Ozzie and Harriet.
00:17:08.032 --> 00:17:09.783
- What happened to these people?
- They died.
00:17:09.867 --> 00:17:11.952
Look, an indoor outhouse.
00:17:17.208 --> 00:17:20.377
- Viridian.
- Viridian. Why do I know that name?
00:17:20.878 --> 00:17:22.296
Blue-green!
00:17:23.047 --> 00:17:25.051
Hydrated chromic oxide.
00:17:25.426 --> 00:17:28.930
Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.
I was a hair analyst.
00:17:29.013 --> 00:17:30.598
- What?
- Briefly.
00:17:36.562 --> 00:17:38.689
Deliver me from L.L. Bean.
00:17:41.108 --> 00:17:44.737
I know what you two are up to and
you're not going to get away with it!
00:17:44.820 --> 00:17:46.447
This is not working out.
00:17:46.531 --> 00:17:50.576
I will not stop living and breathing art
just because you need to relax.
00:17:51.202 --> 00:17:53.829
I'm here with you. I'll live with you
in this hellhole.
00:17:53.913 --> 00:17:58.668
But I must express myself. If I can't
gut this house and make it my own...
00:17:59.252 --> 00:18:02.338
...I will go insane
and I will take you with me!
00:18:04.549 --> 00:18:08.177
Yeah. Well, maybe the house
could use a little remodeling.
00:18:08.261 --> 00:18:11.681
But why don't you just leave
this room alone, okay?
00:18:13.015 --> 00:18:13.933
Okay.
00:18:19.816 --> 00:18:21.234
I'll get her.
00:18:22.068 --> 00:18:22.944
So?
00:18:23.027 --> 00:18:27.699
Once you cover the wallpaper, knock down
a few walls, this place might be livable.
00:18:27.782 --> 00:18:30.577
- What's on the third floor?
- Attic space.
00:18:30.660 --> 00:18:33.079
I forgot to lock the attic door.
00:18:40.837 --> 00:18:42.881
- Did you feel something?
- When?
00:18:52.098 --> 00:18:55.059
- You don't have a key?
- Maybe Charles does.
00:18:55.226 --> 00:18:59.522
I have a feeling there's something
very interesting behind this door.
00:18:59.606 --> 00:19:03.443
Yeah, the ghosts of the people who died
in this house, and they want us out!
00:19:03.526 --> 00:19:05.445
Let's do them a favor.
00:19:22.339 --> 00:19:24.341
My God, that was close!
00:19:26.218 --> 00:19:28.053
I cannot watch this.
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:31.765
What's the good of being a ghost
if you can't frighten people away?
00:19:31.848 --> 00:19:34.476
- Honey?
- No, I'm not putting up with this!
00:19:44.569 --> 00:19:47.405
- You don't know what's out there.
- I don't care.
00:19:56.456 --> 00:19:57.749
Barbara!
00:19:58.333 --> 00:19:59.376
Adam!
00:20:00.919 --> 00:20:03.547
Adam, help. I'm getting all yellow!
00:20:44.423 --> 00:20:47.384
We're trapped in this house
with those people.
00:20:52.431 --> 00:20:56.268
I can't believe we're eating Cantonese.
Is there no Szechwan up here?
00:20:56.351 --> 00:20:59.815
I plan to have a stroke from the amount
of MSG in this food.
00:21:00.065 --> 00:21:04.945
This is our first meal in this house,
so let's try to make it a pleasant one.
00:21:06.238 --> 00:21:08.240
Don't bait your mother.
00:21:08.490 --> 00:21:12.119
When we get settled, we'll build you
a darkroom in the basement.
00:21:12.494 --> 00:21:14.747
My whole life is a darkroom.
00:21:15.497 --> 00:21:17.249
One big dark room.
00:21:19.168 --> 00:21:23.923
You were miserable in New York City,
and you'll be miserable in the sticks.
00:21:24.048 --> 00:21:25.925
At least someone's life
hasn't been upheaved.
00:21:26.008 --> 00:21:30.638
I'm happy here. Those people in New York
don't know what they're missing.
00:21:35.059 --> 00:21:37.811
We could become The Summer Art Center
of New York.
00:21:37.895 --> 00:21:40.773
I could start sculpting again.
I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.
00:21:40.856 --> 00:21:44.527
That's a very good idea.
That'll be very time-consuming.
00:21:45.069 --> 00:21:47.404
First the house.
Otho and I have great plans.
00:21:47.488 --> 00:21:49.490
We should keep it the way it is.
00:21:49.573 --> 00:21:50.950
Good idea.
00:21:56.123 --> 00:21:59.502
The furniture truck is coming.
We must decide what goes and what stays.
00:21:59.585 --> 00:22:02.588
Everything goes,
along with whatever's in the attic.
00:22:20.231 --> 00:22:21.524
Careful.
00:22:21.774 --> 00:22:25.528
Tell me what you do and I'll tell you
why my husband will fire you.
00:22:26.946 --> 00:22:29.532
- Isn't there an index?
- No, nothing.
00:22:31.784 --> 00:22:33.244
What's this?
00:22:39.292 --> 00:22:42.086
Do you know where that's going?
Did anyone tell you where...
00:22:42.169 --> 00:22:45.049
Why are there only three sculptures?
There were four sculptures.
00:22:45.133 --> 00:22:47.302
Where's the fourth sculpture?
00:22:47.385 --> 00:22:49.179
What are you doing?
00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:57.896
"Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.
Troubled by the living?
00:22:57.979 --> 00:23:00.523
"Is death a problem and not the solution?
Unhappy with eternity?
00:23:00.607 --> 00:23:03.776
"Having difficulty adjusting?
Call Betelgeuse."
00:23:07.155 --> 00:23:09.365
There's no number or instructions?
00:23:09.449 --> 00:23:12.535
Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it.
00:23:16.998 --> 00:23:18.541
Straight back.
00:23:20.752 --> 00:23:23.755
Why don't you take a break
for half an hour?
00:23:44.611 --> 00:23:46.112
Put that down!
00:23:46.196 --> 00:23:48.073
What the hell are you doing?
00:23:48.156 --> 00:23:50.033
- Listen to me!
- Jesus!
00:23:51.701 --> 00:23:55.121
Why are you doing this to me?
This is my art and it is dangerous.
00:23:55.205 --> 00:23:57.541
Do you think I want to die like this?
00:24:12.055 --> 00:24:13.765
Hi. How are you?
00:24:22.732 --> 00:24:24.776
That little girl saw us.
00:24:25.277 --> 00:24:27.696
- Nobody can see us.
- But she did.
00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:32.995
- What happened to the previous owners?
- They drowned.
00:24:33.078 --> 00:24:35.998
Yes, they were family. I was devastated.
00:24:36.123 --> 00:24:38.500
- Here, take that.
- Is this the key to the attic?
00:24:38.584 --> 00:24:42.671
That's a skeleton key that will open
any door. Give that to your father.
00:24:43.255 --> 00:24:46.884
You might mention I single-handedly
decorated that house.
00:24:46.967 --> 00:24:50.762
If he needs any advice in that arena
have him come see me.
00:25:11.325 --> 00:25:13.410
Don't worry. I locked the door.
00:25:31.138 --> 00:25:35.434
Having trouble with the living?
Tired of having your home violated?
00:25:35.518 --> 00:25:37.436
Want to get rid of them
pesky living critters?
00:25:37.520 --> 00:25:41.482
Well, come on down and see me,
the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.
00:25:41.565 --> 00:25:44.985
Yes, sirree! I want to tell you,
I'll do anything!
00:25:47.655 --> 00:25:51.742
I'll scare 'em real bad.
I'll do anything to get your business.
00:25:51.951 --> 00:25:54.703
Hell! I'll possess myself if I gotta!
00:25:55.162 --> 00:25:58.082
Yo! I got demons runnin' all through me.
00:25:58.707 --> 00:26:00.668
Come on down and see it.
00:26:00.751 --> 00:26:03.963
If you act now, you get a free
demon possession with every exorcism.
00:26:04.046 --> 00:26:06.006
You can't beat that, can you?
00:26:06.090 --> 00:26:10.970
Bring the little partners. We've got plenty
of snakes for them to play with.
00:26:11.554 --> 00:26:15.641
Say it once, say it twice,
third time's a charm. And remember...
00:26:15.724 --> 00:26:19.146
"I'll eat anything you want me to eat.
Swallow anything you want me to swallow.
00:26:19.230 --> 00:26:21.858
"So, come on down, I'll chew on the dog."
00:26:50.386 --> 00:26:54.724
We need some help. I read something
in this book about emergencies.
00:26:55.558 --> 00:26:58.811
Here it is.
"In case of emergency, draw a door."
00:27:03.691 --> 00:27:07.612
"Draw a door"? I don't know why
we keep looking in that stupid book.
00:27:10.364 --> 00:27:12.994
Maybe we should try that Beetle guy.
00:27:28.468 --> 00:27:31.554
You didn't actually think
that would work, did you?
00:27:34.224 --> 00:27:35.975
"Knock three times."
00:28:38.290 --> 00:28:39.583
Birdies!
00:28:48.383 --> 00:28:49.634
Get it!
00:28:50.468 --> 00:28:51.511
Dad?
00:28:51.928 --> 00:28:55.181
- Can't you see I'm relaxing?
- I want to tell you what I saw.
00:28:55.265 --> 00:28:59.021
What is the point of my coming here
if you people won't let me relax?
00:28:59.104 --> 00:29:01.023
Pumpkin, sweetheart...
00:29:02.149 --> 00:29:04.109
...go help your mother.
00:29:04.193 --> 00:29:07.237
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,
but I can't.
00:29:12.618 --> 00:29:14.411
Hmm, nice building.
00:29:14.536 --> 00:29:16.580
Bad roof. Good parking.
00:29:48.487 --> 00:29:50.489
- Adam?
- This way, honey.
00:30:02.836 --> 00:30:04.838
You don't have an appointment.
00:30:04.922 --> 00:30:07.132
- We didn't know how to make one.
- Appointment for what?
00:30:07.216 --> 00:30:09.218
- What do you want?
- Help?
00:30:09.301 --> 00:30:13.264
Already? Just bit the big one
two months ago and you want help.
00:30:13.347 --> 00:30:15.599
What does that have to do with anything?
00:30:15.683 --> 00:30:18.811
You'll use up all your help vouchers: D-90s.
00:30:19.562 --> 00:30:22.648
You spend 125 years on earth
in that house...
00:30:23.148 --> 00:30:27.444
...during which you get only three class-one
D-90 intercessions with Juno.
00:30:27.528 --> 00:30:30.447
You probably haven't read through
the manual completely yet.
00:30:30.531 --> 00:30:33.492
You'll have to wait if you don't have
an appointment.
00:30:33.576 --> 00:30:37.162
- An appointment with whom?
- For Juno, your caseworker.
00:30:41.250 --> 00:30:43.544
Number 54,000,601. Ferndock!
00:31:50.448 --> 00:31:52.951
- Want a cigarette?
- No, thank you.
00:31:54.244 --> 00:31:56.538
I'm trying to cut down myself.
00:32:13.721 --> 00:32:16.599
Adam, is this what happens when you die?
00:32:17.559 --> 00:32:19.811
This is what happens when you die.
00:32:19.894 --> 00:32:23.147
That is what happens when he dies.
And that is what happens when they die.
00:32:23.231 --> 00:32:26.276
It's all very personal.
I'll tell you something.
00:32:26.359 --> 00:32:30.530
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn't have had my little accident.
00:32:36.204 --> 00:32:38.123
Maitland. Party of two.
00:32:38.206 --> 00:32:40.792
Take the handbook
and go to the sixth door.
00:32:40.876 --> 00:32:43.044
Oh, we forgot our handbook.
00:32:47.382 --> 00:32:48.383
Come on.
00:32:54.222 --> 00:32:57.767
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number eight.
00:33:00.270 --> 00:33:02.981
Flight 409 is arriving at gate three.
00:33:04.107 --> 00:33:06.651
How do I look?
There are no mirrors on this side.
00:33:06.735 --> 00:33:08.612
- You look fine.
- Fine.
00:33:09.070 --> 00:33:11.698
Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.
00:33:16.369 --> 00:33:19.372
Will the Peterson party
report to door number nine.
00:33:20.916 --> 00:33:23.835
Peterson party, please report
to door number nine.
00:33:25.378 --> 00:33:28.508
All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number eight.
00:33:35.140 --> 00:33:37.643
125 years. I can't believe this.
00:33:38.352 --> 00:33:40.604
I can't believe they didn't tell us.
00:33:43.482 --> 00:33:45.484
Oh, Adam, what is this?
00:33:49.821 --> 00:33:52.074
That's the Lost Souls' Room.
00:33:52.741 --> 00:33:55.536
A room for ghosts
that have been exorcised.
00:33:56.662 --> 00:33:58.121
Poor devils.
00:33:58.330 --> 00:34:00.457
That's death for the dead.
00:34:01.667 --> 00:34:03.752
It's all in the handbook.
00:34:03.961 --> 00:34:05.420
Keep moving.
00:34:10.217 --> 00:34:11.385
Five.
00:34:12.970 --> 00:34:14.972
This is the sixth door.
00:34:21.855 --> 00:34:24.984
Boy, this place just gets weirder
and weirder.
00:34:36.078 --> 00:34:37.496
We're home!
00:34:38.455 --> 00:34:41.542
Look at this place! Everything's different.
00:34:43.419 --> 00:34:45.504
All our furniture's gone.
00:34:46.171 --> 00:34:48.799
How long do you suppose
we were waiting there?
00:34:48.883 --> 00:34:50.384
Three months.
00:34:51.552 --> 00:34:54.555
I'd almost given up on you.
I was about to leave.
00:34:54.638 --> 00:34:56.682
I do have other clients.
00:34:57.224 --> 00:34:59.810
- Are you Juno, our caseworker?
- Yes.
00:34:59.894 --> 00:35:02.980
I evaluate individual cases and determine...
00:35:03.230 --> 00:35:06.358
...if help is needed, deserved and available.
00:35:06.567 --> 00:35:07.526
Are you available?
00:35:07.610 --> 00:35:08.652
No.
00:35:09.862 --> 00:35:12.408
- What's wrong?
- We're very unhappy.
00:35:13.117 --> 00:35:15.536
What did you expect? You're dead!
00:35:15.620 --> 00:35:19.874
We want to get rid of the people here.
We worked hard on this house.
00:35:19.957 --> 00:35:22.960
We probably wouldn't mind sharing
the house with people who were...
00:35:23.044 --> 00:35:25.421
- More like you used to be.
- Yes.
00:35:25.588 --> 00:35:27.215
But these people!
00:35:29.258 --> 00:35:31.260
Things seem quiet here.
00:35:32.386 --> 00:35:35.473
You should thank God
you didn't die in Italy.
00:35:35.932 --> 00:35:37.350
The Deetzes.
00:35:37.516 --> 00:35:40.645
- Have you been studying the manual?
- We tried.
00:35:41.604 --> 00:35:45.441
The intermediate interface chapter
on haunting says it all.
00:35:45.608 --> 00:35:48.569
Get them out yourselves! It's your house.
00:35:49.737 --> 00:35:52.490
Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.
00:35:52.573 --> 00:35:54.992
- We don't quite get it.
- I heard.
00:35:55.076 --> 00:35:56.911
Tore your faces off.
00:35:57.078 --> 00:36:01.207
It's useless to pull off your heads
in front of people who can't see you.
00:36:01.290 --> 00:36:03.709
- We should start simply?
- Start simply.
00:36:03.793 --> 00:36:06.714
Do what you know.
Use your talents. Practice.
00:36:08.508 --> 00:36:12.303
You should have been studying
those lessons since day one.
00:36:14.430 --> 00:36:16.015
I've got to go.
00:36:16.140 --> 00:36:18.643
What about that guy in the flyer, Betel...
00:36:19.936 --> 00:36:23.231
Don't even say his name.
You don't want his help.
00:36:24.357 --> 00:36:25.275
We might.
00:36:25.358 --> 00:36:28.653
No, you don't.
He does not work well with others.
00:36:30.196 --> 00:36:31.906
What do you mean?
00:36:36.077 --> 00:36:38.037
I didn't want to bring it up.
00:36:38.121 --> 00:36:42.083
But rather than have you make
another mistake, I'll tell you.
00:36:43.293 --> 00:36:45.128
He was my assistant.
00:36:45.545 --> 00:36:48.715
But he was a troublemaker.
He went out on his own...
00:36:48.798 --> 00:36:51.175
...as a freelance bio-exorcist.
00:36:52.176 --> 00:36:56.139
Claimed he could get rid of the living.
Got into more trouble.
00:37:00.103 --> 00:37:03.857
I believe he's been sleazing
around your cemetery lately.
00:37:05.817 --> 00:37:08.570
The only way he can be brought back...
00:37:08.737 --> 00:37:11.489
...is by calling his name three times.
00:37:12.490 --> 00:37:14.576
But I strongly suggest...
00:37:14.993 --> 00:37:17.829
...that you remove the Deetzes yourselves.
00:37:18.538 --> 00:37:19.915
How do we contact you...
00:37:19.998 --> 00:37:22.042
...if we need you again?
00:37:31.843 --> 00:37:34.554
Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.
00:37:35.263 --> 00:37:38.892
She's right. We just keep this simple.
We can do this.
00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:04.795
Hey, you, come here!
00:38:05.587 --> 00:38:06.838
Hungry?
00:38:07.589 --> 00:38:09.675
Come on. Hey, come here.
00:38:10.926 --> 00:38:13.887
I got something good for you.
Come on over.
00:38:13.971 --> 00:38:16.848
We'll have a little bite, something to nosh.
00:38:18.308 --> 00:38:20.143
- Come here!
- Help me!
00:38:24.940 --> 00:38:29.236
Maxie, haven't I always made you money?
That's the only real question.
00:38:29.319 --> 00:38:33.824
Nobody made me money like you.
You were a demon until your nerves went.
00:38:34.241 --> 00:38:35.951
It's just that...
00:38:36.577 --> 00:38:39.913
...Winter River, Connecticut is,
if you'll forgive me, nowhere.
00:38:39.997 --> 00:38:43.166
Why would I want to invest that kind
of money in an old building...
00:38:43.250 --> 00:38:46.922
...way the hell up there!
- It's not a building. That's the beauty.
00:38:47.006 --> 00:38:50.968
The people don't know the value of their
property. I can buy the whole town.
00:38:51.051 --> 00:38:53.929
Then we own a whole town
in the middle of nowhere.
00:38:54.388 --> 00:38:55.890
Come and see.
00:38:56.015 --> 00:38:57.683
And bring Sarah.
00:38:58.434 --> 00:39:02.104
All right, Charles.
It's just that I am kind of busy here.
00:39:02.187 --> 00:39:03.731
Just a minute.
00:39:04.899 --> 00:39:08.152
Listen. Enough of this talk
about visiting, okay? I gotta go.
00:39:08.235 --> 00:39:10.821
You take it easy up there, big fellow.
00:39:10.905 --> 00:39:13.073
- Good-bye.
- Max, wait, wait.
00:39:18.037 --> 00:39:18.954
Putz.
00:39:39.602 --> 00:39:43.689
Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?
I had Maxie Dean on the phone.
00:39:43.981 --> 00:39:47.818
Dad's found a way of making money
while I relax, so would you scram?
00:39:49.779 --> 00:39:53.824
Your mother will kill you when she sees
you cut holes in her $300 sheets.
00:39:56.744 --> 00:40:00.248
This is so corny. Is this what
we've been reduced to? Sheets?
00:40:00.331 --> 00:40:02.250
Think of them as death shrouds.
00:40:02.333 --> 00:40:04.877
And the moaning is important.
Really moan!
00:40:23.229 --> 00:40:25.731
God, how can he stand that woman?
00:40:32.321 --> 00:40:35.285
Cut it out! I'm a child, for God's sakes.
00:40:43.835 --> 00:40:47.255
- I feel so stupid.
- It's not stupid. We're ghosts!
00:40:47.839 --> 00:40:51.050
Do you want to spend the next 125 years
having breakfast with this woman?
00:40:51.134 --> 00:40:52.594
Moan louder.
00:41:00.977 --> 00:41:02.270
Oh, God!
00:41:10.320 --> 00:41:12.405
Sick. Sexual perversion.
00:41:12.655 --> 00:41:15.825
Do that weird sexual stuff
in your own bedroom.
00:41:22.040 --> 00:41:23.499
Ah, no feet.
00:41:35.764 --> 00:41:38.475
Are you the guys hiding in the attic?
00:41:38.558 --> 00:41:40.060
We're ghosts!
00:41:41.561 --> 00:41:44.356
- What do you look like under there?
- Aren't you scared?
00:41:44.439 --> 00:41:47.734
I'm not scared of sheets.
Are you gross under there?
00:41:47.817 --> 00:41:50.445
Are you Night of the Living Dead
under there?
00:41:50.528 --> 00:41:52.864
Like all bloody veins and pus?
00:41:52.948 --> 00:41:56.117
- "Night of the," what?
- "Living Dead." It's a movie.
00:41:56.201 --> 00:41:59.329
If I had seen a ghost at your age,
I would have been scared out of my wits.
00:41:59.412 --> 00:42:02.499
You're not gross.
Why are you wearing sheets?
00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:04.876
We're practicing.
00:42:04.960 --> 00:42:08.713
- You can see us without the sheets?
- Of course I can see you.
00:42:08.797 --> 00:42:11.216
How can you see us and nobody else can?
00:42:12.551 --> 00:42:16.137
I read through that
Handbook for the Recently Deceased.
00:42:16.221 --> 00:42:19.810
It says, "Live people ignore
the strange and unusual."
00:42:21.687 --> 00:42:24.106
I myself am strange and unusual.
00:42:25.983 --> 00:42:27.651
You look normal.
00:42:29.111 --> 00:42:31.154
- You read our book?
- Yes.
00:42:31.405 --> 00:42:34.449
- You could follow it?
- Yes. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?
00:42:34.533 --> 00:42:37.077
- Trying to scare your mother.
- Stepmother.
00:42:37.244 --> 00:42:40.872
You can't scare her.
She's sleeping with Prince Valium.
00:42:44.167 --> 00:42:45.586
You did this?
00:42:45.669 --> 00:42:48.255
You carved these houses and things?
00:42:49.715 --> 00:42:52.092
And this used to be your house.
00:42:52.551 --> 00:42:54.761
Why do you want to scare everybody?
00:42:54.845 --> 00:42:57.764
We wanted to frighten you
so you would move out.
00:42:59.641 --> 00:43:01.685
You don't know the Deetzes.
00:43:01.768 --> 00:43:05.731
My father bought this place.
He never walks away from equity.
00:43:05.856 --> 00:43:09.610
- Why don't you leave?
- We haven't left since the funeral.
00:43:10.903 --> 00:43:12.195
Funeral!
00:43:12.738 --> 00:43:15.117
God! You guys really are dead.
00:43:17.953 --> 00:43:19.622
This is amazing.
00:43:21.540 --> 00:43:23.083
- I better go.
- Wait.
00:43:23.167 --> 00:43:27.755
- Don't tell your parents we're here.
- Unless it will frighten them away.
00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:30.132
Tell them we are horrible...
00:43:30.341 --> 00:43:32.635
...desperate, ghoulish creatures
who will stop at nothing...
00:43:32.718 --> 00:43:34.803
...to get our house back.
00:43:37.097 --> 00:43:41.352
What if this is a dream? Can you do
any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?
00:43:45.981 --> 00:43:50.319
If you are real ghosts, you better get
another routine because those sheets...
00:43:50.402 --> 00:43:52.196
...they don't work.
00:44:01.747 --> 00:44:02.998
Ghosts.
00:44:03.082 --> 00:44:05.626
You're telling me we have ghosts
in this house.
00:44:05.709 --> 00:44:08.005
Those pictures are of ghosts.
00:44:08.339 --> 00:44:09.590
Ghosts!
00:44:10.216 --> 00:44:13.970
Lydia, I am giving a dinner party
tonight for seven people.
00:44:14.053 --> 00:44:17.598
My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman
who writes for Art in America.
00:44:17.682 --> 00:44:21.477
In fact, no one dining here
has not been in Vanity Fair except you.
00:44:22.103 --> 00:44:24.105
I told them you were too mean to be afraid.
00:44:24.188 --> 00:44:26.232
Don't you dare speak to others about me!
00:44:26.315 --> 00:44:30.403
Being embarrassed in front of the few
people who will set foot in here scares me.
00:44:30.486 --> 00:44:32.863
So let's play family just for tonight.
00:44:38.661 --> 00:44:40.830
Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.
00:44:40.913 --> 00:44:42.623
She's got photos.
00:44:43.332 --> 00:44:45.876
Adam, you have a photo of Bigfoot.
00:44:46.544 --> 00:44:49.463
My photo of Bigfoot is a different story.
00:44:49.797 --> 00:44:54.343
We've got to get some help. We've got
to contact Betelmeyer or something.
00:45:08.067 --> 00:45:09.235
Look.
00:45:13.531 --> 00:45:15.408
It's him. Betelgeuse.
00:45:17.535 --> 00:45:18.703
Betelgeuse.
00:45:20.705 --> 00:45:22.707
Go ahead, Barbara, say it.
00:45:23.833 --> 00:45:25.251
Betelgeuse!
00:45:29.380 --> 00:45:30.924
What happened?
00:45:32.050 --> 00:45:34.219
I think we're in the model.
00:45:37.680 --> 00:45:39.182
Look at that.
00:46:02.374 --> 00:46:04.292
Where is he? What do we do?
00:46:08.505 --> 00:46:10.257
Looks like we dig.
00:46:40.787 --> 00:46:42.455
It's about time!
00:46:50.924 --> 00:46:54.177
- I say we open it.
- Maybe we should knock first.
00:47:12.112 --> 00:47:13.572
Adam. Babs.
00:47:21.580 --> 00:47:25.876
You can pick 'em! Is this
a solid relationship? Do I have a shot?
00:47:26.084 --> 00:47:29.087
- Excuse me.
- Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?
00:47:29.171 --> 00:47:33.634
It's beautiful! You picked me.
You didn't have to, but you picked me.
00:47:33.884 --> 00:47:36.803
It makes me want to kiss you guys!
Come on, give me one.
00:47:36.887 --> 00:47:38.639
I beg your pardon!
00:47:38.972 --> 00:47:40.893
Let's get down to business.
00:47:40.976 --> 00:47:43.729
I've got a card here somewhere.
Here. Who do I have to kill?
00:47:43.812 --> 00:47:45.856
- Hold that for me.
- Whoa!
00:47:47.107 --> 00:47:49.485
- There you go.
- You don't have to kill anybody!
00:47:49.568 --> 00:47:54.323
Possession! Learn to throw your voice.
Fool your friends. Fun at parties.
00:47:54.406 --> 00:47:57.826
No. We just want to get some people
out of our house.
00:47:57.910 --> 00:48:02.081
I understand. In order to do that,
I'll have to get to know you.
00:48:02.373 --> 00:48:05.000
We've got to get closer.
Move in with you for a while.
00:48:05.084 --> 00:48:08.212
Get to be real pals.
You know what I'm saying?
00:48:08.379 --> 00:48:10.297
Save that guy for later.
00:48:10.381 --> 00:48:12.675
My wife and I have some questions.
00:48:12.758 --> 00:48:14.760
Sure, go ahead. Shoot.
00:48:15.052 --> 00:48:17.096
What are your qualifications?
00:48:17.179 --> 00:48:21.100
Well, I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate
of Harvard Business School.
00:48:21.183 --> 00:48:24.728
I travel extensively.
I lived through the Black Plague.
00:48:24.812 --> 00:48:27.690
I've seen The Exorcist about 167 times...
00:48:27.773 --> 00:48:31.235
...and it keeps getting funnier
every time I see it!
00:48:31.610 --> 00:48:34.240
Not to mention the fact
that you're talking to a dead guy!
00:48:34.323 --> 00:48:37.493
Now what do you think?
You think I'm qualified?
00:48:38.578 --> 00:48:40.288
Can you be scary?
00:48:40.580 --> 00:48:43.916
Oh! I know what you're asking me.
Can I be scary?
00:48:45.876 --> 00:48:48.004
What do you think of this?
00:48:48.421 --> 00:48:49.880
You like it?
00:48:50.965 --> 00:48:54.468
- Will you excuse us, please?
- Sure. Talk amongst yourselves.
00:48:54.552 --> 00:48:57.722
- Let's go.
- I know, but he can be useful later.
00:48:57.930 --> 00:49:00.933
- We can work something ourselves.
- Oh, yeah!
00:49:01.976 --> 00:49:03.686
- Excuse me!
- What?
00:49:03.811 --> 00:49:05.605
We are leaving now.
00:49:05.813 --> 00:49:07.315
Don't go yet.
00:49:07.982 --> 00:49:12.153
Come on, we're simpatico.
Look at us. We shop at the same store.
00:49:12.987 --> 00:49:14.488
Hey, hermano.
00:49:14.989 --> 00:49:16.782
Yeah, there you go.
00:49:18.576 --> 00:49:20.661
We're like peas in a pod.
00:49:20.995 --> 00:49:25.249
You want someone out of the house.
I want to get someone out of your house.
00:49:25.333 --> 00:49:28.671
Look! You've been to Saturn.
I've been to Saturn!
00:49:29.005 --> 00:49:30.715
Whoa. Sandworms.
00:49:31.549 --> 00:49:34.427
You hate 'em, right? I hate 'em myself.
00:49:34.844 --> 00:49:38.514
Kids, what do I have to do
to strike a deal with you two?
00:49:46.022 --> 00:49:48.942
- Don't you hate it when that happens?
- Let's go, Barbara!
00:49:49.025 --> 00:49:52.320
Come up for a while.
We'll talk inside. Come on.
00:49:52.487 --> 00:49:54.739
- I'm not staying.
- The place is a mess.
00:49:54.822 --> 00:49:56.991
We have to get out of here.
00:49:57.492 --> 00:49:58.993
Home! Home! Home!
00:50:00.787 --> 00:50:02.205
How did you do that?
00:50:02.288 --> 00:50:04.207
Hope you like Italian.
00:50:04.582 --> 00:50:07.293
Where'd you go? Hey, where'd you go?
00:50:07.460 --> 00:50:09.963
Hey! You've got to work with me here.
00:50:10.046 --> 00:50:12.590
I'm just trying to cut a deal.
What do you want me to do?
00:50:12.674 --> 00:50:14.217
Where are you?
00:50:14.509 --> 00:50:16.344
You bunch of losers!
00:50:17.095 --> 00:50:19.973
You're working with a professional here!
00:50:24.229 --> 00:50:26.022
Nice fucking model!
00:50:26.523 --> 00:50:28.942
We can do this stuff on our own.
00:50:29.192 --> 00:50:32.404
Besides, I'm not exposing
that little girl to that pervert.
00:50:32.487 --> 00:50:35.490
We did call him,
and he seemed awfully pissed off.
00:50:35.574 --> 00:50:40.453
I don't care. I've changed my mind.
We can scare them off ourselves... tonight.
00:50:40.954 --> 00:50:42.539
I have an idea.
00:50:49.129 --> 00:50:52.048
What you did with the place is wonderful.
00:50:52.132 --> 00:50:53.675
Not me. Them.
00:50:55.218 --> 00:50:56.303
So?
00:51:01.308 --> 00:51:02.851
You like them.
00:51:03.393 --> 00:51:07.355
I hope it wasn't yet another
of your dreary suicide attempts.
00:51:07.689 --> 00:51:10.483
You know what they say about people
who commit suicide?
00:51:10.567 --> 00:51:13.530
In the afterlife, they become civil servants.
00:51:15.824 --> 00:51:18.785
Otho, I didn't realize
you were into the supernatural.
00:51:18.869 --> 00:51:20.954
Of course! You remember.
00:51:21.079 --> 00:51:23.749
After my stint with the Living Theater...
00:51:23.832 --> 00:51:27.419
...I was one of New York's
leading paranormal researchers...
00:51:27.502 --> 00:51:29.421
...until the bottom dropped out in '72.
00:51:29.504 --> 00:51:33.091
Paranormal? Is that what
they're calling your kind these days?
00:51:33.508 --> 00:51:38.013
Don't mind her. She's still upset that
somebody dropped a house on her sister.
00:51:41.224 --> 00:51:43.518
Well, this looks really good.
00:51:45.187 --> 00:51:46.939
I saw some ghosts.
00:51:53.195 --> 00:51:56.782
- It's a private joke Lydia and I share.
- It's not a joke.
00:51:56.865 --> 00:52:01.203
Yes, it is. Just today she tried
to convince me this house is haunted.
00:52:03.205 --> 00:52:05.499
Kids! You know, I love them!
00:52:07.378 --> 00:52:10.089
- Ghosts?
- In designer sheets, no less.
00:52:11.131 --> 00:52:14.510
I'd like to propose a toast
to our intrepid friends...
00:52:14.593 --> 00:52:17.680
...who braved the expressway
and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.
00:52:17.763 --> 00:52:19.807
May your buildings go condo.
00:52:21.475 --> 00:52:24.019
Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.
00:52:24.436 --> 00:52:26.814
No! I am sick of that subject.
00:52:27.064 --> 00:52:28.816
Delia, lighten up.
00:52:29.400 --> 00:52:31.569
I would rather talk about...
00:52:46.959 --> 00:52:48.502
That's cute, Delia.
00:53:00.808 --> 00:53:02.893
Otho, are you doing this?
00:54:30.567 --> 00:54:31.943
We did it!
00:54:33.570 --> 00:54:35.363
Let's watch them scatter.
00:54:35.446 --> 00:54:39.117
Any minute now they'll come
running out of that door screaming.
00:54:42.370 --> 00:54:43.871
Any minute now.
00:54:51.089 --> 00:54:52.674
It's me, Lydia.
00:54:56.052 --> 00:54:57.971
They want you to come downstairs.
00:54:58.054 --> 00:55:01.057
Delia says you can wear
any sheets you want.
00:55:02.058 --> 00:55:04.853
It was like being in an amusement park.
00:55:05.228 --> 00:55:06.146
Wham!
00:55:06.354 --> 00:55:10.066
- I didn't know I could do the calypso.
- Who has more fun than us?
00:55:10.150 --> 00:55:12.861
We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn.
00:55:13.194 --> 00:55:16.781
A very sophisticated pair.
They even appear in sheets.
00:55:18.241 --> 00:55:21.453
Charles, why didn't you tell us
about this before?
00:55:22.954 --> 00:55:27.667
We're not sure we want our secret out.
Everyone will want them for parties.
00:55:27.751 --> 00:55:29.502
People will pay big money for this.
00:55:29.586 --> 00:55:33.590
The Enquirer is offering $50,000
for proof of life after death.
00:55:35.425 --> 00:55:38.428
This is it, Charles.
You can get Maxie Dean up here now.
00:55:38.511 --> 00:55:41.600
- You think so?
- Sarah loves the supernatural.
00:55:42.517 --> 00:55:44.728
She'll have him sprint up here
in his helicopter...
00:55:44.811 --> 00:55:47.481
...if you can produce ghosts for her.
00:55:50.984 --> 00:55:53.946
I should remind you that I'm Delia's agent.
00:55:54.029 --> 00:55:56.365
I have lost money on her work for years.
00:55:56.448 --> 00:55:59.034
If anything happened here, I shall handle it.
00:55:59.117 --> 00:56:01.453
But not until I've seen real proof.
00:56:01.536 --> 00:56:05.499
- What about this table?
- What do you call what just happened?
00:56:05.791 --> 00:56:08.293
What money?
Don't you believe in my work?
00:56:09.211 --> 00:56:10.712
Here's Lydia.
00:56:11.338 --> 00:56:13.966
- Well?
- They don't want to come down.
00:56:21.765 --> 00:56:23.058
Why not?
00:56:24.810 --> 00:56:28.939
I think they were trying to scare you away,
and you didn't get scared.
00:56:29.022 --> 00:56:32.276
They're dead.
It's a little late to be neurotic.
00:56:36.282 --> 00:56:37.658
All right.
00:56:43.414 --> 00:56:46.417
This was not a hallucination.
This was real.
00:56:47.751 --> 00:56:52.464
We all experienced a super-powerful
paranormal experience and it was real.
00:56:53.173 --> 00:56:56.677
Delia, you are a flake.
You have always been a flake.
00:56:57.511 --> 00:57:01.599
If you insist on frightening people,
do it with your sculpture.
00:57:02.766 --> 00:57:04.435
Drive carefully!
00:57:04.518 --> 00:57:06.437
- I'm dead.
- Where do they hide?
00:57:06.520 --> 00:57:08.897
- The attic.
- The attic's locked.
00:57:09.732 --> 00:57:12.318
They're ghosts.
They can do what they want.
00:57:12.401 --> 00:57:15.571
They do whatever they want.
Take us up there right now.
00:57:21.994 --> 00:57:25.164
Fabulous! Otho Fenlock's
"Locked Door Ghosts!"
00:57:25.414 --> 00:57:26.999
Probably committed suicide up there.
00:57:27.082 --> 00:57:29.170
- I'm enchanted.
- In there?
00:57:29.420 --> 00:57:32.340
- They must live like animals.
- It's locked. How did they get in?
00:57:32.423 --> 00:57:35.509
Open this door, Dead People,
or we'll bust it down...
00:57:35.593 --> 00:57:38.095
...and drag you out by the ropes
you hanged yourself with!
00:57:38.179 --> 00:57:40.598
- They didn't commit suicide.
- It doesn't matter.
00:57:40.681 --> 00:57:44.310
I can teach you something here.
Take the upper hand in all situations...
00:57:44.393 --> 00:57:47.271
...or people, dead or alive,
will walk all over you.
00:57:47.355 --> 00:57:48.648
Open up!
00:58:00.993 --> 00:58:02.578
Where are they?
00:58:02.745 --> 00:58:05.039
These ghosts are nice people.
00:58:05.414 --> 00:58:09.085
I think we scared them away,
so let's leave them alone, all right?
00:58:09.168 --> 00:58:11.254
It's the whole damn town.
00:58:12.505 --> 00:58:15.007
I have never been so embarrassed.
00:58:15.925 --> 00:58:17.843
Have they gone for good?
00:58:24.143 --> 00:58:25.561
Dad, don't.
00:58:25.895 --> 00:58:27.689
Mom, let's just go.
00:58:40.410 --> 00:58:41.995
No ghosts here.
00:58:44.789 --> 00:58:48.376
Come on! If they are in here,
I don't want to scare them away.
00:58:50.253 --> 00:58:53.506
We're leaving now.
You can go about your business.
00:58:55.675 --> 00:58:58.511
- What are we doing?
- Quick, quick, quick.
00:59:05.768 --> 00:59:08.896
Oh, boy! You guys are really spooksters,
aren't you?
00:59:09.897 --> 00:59:13.526
Now, let's turn on the juice
and see what shakes loose.
00:59:16.156 --> 00:59:19.951
Otho, get Maxie on the phone.
We've really got something here.
00:59:20.035 --> 00:59:24.080
We can turn this place into the world's
leading supernatural research center.
00:59:24.164 --> 00:59:27.292
An amusement park. I'll do a presentation.
Lydia will bring the ghosts.
00:59:27.375 --> 00:59:30.378
I can't bring the ghosts. They're not here.
00:59:30.462 --> 00:59:34.174
- Otho, can't you do something?
- If I'm properly motivated.
00:59:36.843 --> 00:59:39.596
What type of motivation do you require?
00:59:39.679 --> 00:59:43.558
Why don't you leave them alone?
They didn't do anything to you.
01:00:31.024 --> 01:00:33.652
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
01:00:34.653 --> 01:00:36.029
Stop! Stop!
01:00:47.874 --> 01:00:50.586
- Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse!
- Oh, no!
01:00:52.629 --> 01:00:54.631
Why are you doing this?
01:00:56.300 --> 01:00:58.468
Leave me alone, all of you!
01:01:02.057 --> 01:01:06.979
Great choice! We spend the next century
hanging out a window or doing tricks.
01:01:07.563 --> 01:01:10.274
Maybe they'll leave now.
That snake was a nasty customer.
01:01:10.357 --> 01:01:12.484
- He could've hurt somebody.
- But he didn't.
01:01:12.568 --> 01:01:15.029
We've got them where we want them.
01:01:19.116 --> 01:01:23.078
You losers! How dare you interrupt
a professional while he's working!
01:01:23.162 --> 01:01:25.873
I'm not fond of Charles,
but you could've killed him.
01:01:25.956 --> 01:01:29.126
I'm just doing my job!
I thought we had a deal.
01:01:29.251 --> 01:01:31.337
It's okay. You know why?
01:01:31.795 --> 01:01:35.966
I don't want to do business
with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.
01:01:36.383 --> 01:01:40.220
The only one I think I can deal with
is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter.
01:01:40.304 --> 01:01:42.681
- She understands me.
- Leave her alone!
01:01:55.154 --> 01:01:57.448
Go ahead, make my millennium.
01:02:04.997 --> 01:02:08.584
I'm feeling a little anxious,
if you know what I mean.
01:02:09.043 --> 01:02:11.170
It's been about 600 years.
01:02:11.587 --> 01:02:14.674
I wonder where an everyday Joe
like myself...
01:02:15.424 --> 01:02:17.510
...can find a little action.
01:02:34.527 --> 01:02:36.612
Yeah. Here I come, baby.
01:02:40.992 --> 01:02:42.743
Hey, Adam, nice move!
01:02:44.412 --> 01:02:46.956
- Why did you build that?
- I didn't.
01:02:57.093 --> 01:02:59.429
Will you guys shut up and leave me alone?
01:02:59.512 --> 01:03:01.848
I've got all this paperwork to do.
01:03:04.142 --> 01:03:06.185
You two, come in. Sit down.
01:03:06.269 --> 01:03:08.354
Get in here, both of you!
01:03:11.983 --> 01:03:16.154
The whorehouse was my idea.
I want Betelgeuse out of the picture.
01:03:17.280 --> 01:03:19.449
You two have really screwed up.
01:03:19.949 --> 01:03:22.952
I heard you allowed yourselves
to be photographed.
01:03:23.036 --> 01:03:25.788
You let Betelgeuse out
and didn't put him back.
01:03:25.872 --> 01:03:28.249
And you let Otho take the handbook!
01:03:28.333 --> 01:03:29.500
When?
01:03:30.793 --> 01:03:32.795
Never trust the living!
01:03:33.379 --> 01:03:36.049
We cannot have
a routine haunting like yours...
01:03:36.132 --> 01:03:39.719
...provide proof that there is existence
beyond death.
01:03:40.553 --> 01:03:42.891
Coach, where's the men's room?
01:03:44.100 --> 01:03:46.603
I'm not your coach. He survived.
01:03:46.770 --> 01:03:48.855
Let me get something straight.
01:03:48.939 --> 01:03:51.566
- What's our curfew?
- Get out of here!
01:03:52.567 --> 01:03:55.153
Go on, get downstairs! Men's room!
01:03:55.737 --> 01:03:58.323
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
01:03:58.406 --> 01:04:00.200
I'll be right back.
01:04:12.462 --> 01:04:14.589
Maybe this was a bad idea.
01:04:14.965 --> 01:04:16.883
I didn't say anything.
01:04:18.843 --> 01:04:21.763
Who are we kidding?
You've never had a bad idea.
01:04:21.846 --> 01:04:23.014
Yeah?
01:04:25.767 --> 01:04:27.811
This could all work out.
01:04:29.479 --> 01:04:30.522
Home.
01:04:34.025 --> 01:04:36.655
I'm not sure this is the right environment
for Lydia.
01:04:36.738 --> 01:04:38.824
- Snakes. Ghosts.
- Shrimp.
01:04:40.409 --> 01:04:42.119
You family types.
01:04:42.411 --> 01:04:46.206
You've got other things to worry about.
Maxie Dean is coming tonight.
01:04:46.290 --> 01:04:49.793
You have to sell these ghosts.
I can only do so much.
01:04:50.210 --> 01:04:53.463
What are you going to do?
Viciously rearrange their environment?
01:04:53.547 --> 01:04:57.718
I know as much about the supernatural
as I do about interior design.
01:05:05.601 --> 01:05:06.893
"I am...
01:05:07.311 --> 01:05:08.437
"...alone.
01:05:18.989 --> 01:05:20.240
"I am...
01:05:21.158 --> 01:05:22.701
"...utterly...
01:05:22.951 --> 01:05:24.077
"...alone.
01:05:25.621 --> 01:05:27.205
"By the time...
01:05:29.001 --> 01:05:30.544
"...you read this...
01:05:31.253 --> 01:05:32.755
"...I will...
01:05:33.172 --> 01:05:34.423
"...be gone...
01:05:36.008 --> 01:05:37.760
"...having jumped...
01:05:40.054 --> 01:05:41.889
"Having plummeted...
01:05:43.807 --> 01:05:44.934
"...off...
01:05:45.726 --> 01:05:47.895
"...the Winter River Bridge."
01:05:50.981 --> 01:05:53.150
I don't care what it takes.
01:05:53.233 --> 01:05:55.861
You get the Deetzes out of there now!
01:05:57.196 --> 01:05:58.739
Wait a minute.
01:06:00.824 --> 01:06:02.576
What are you going to do?
01:06:03.160 --> 01:06:04.703
To scare them.
01:06:05.162 --> 01:06:08.248
I want to make sure
it's not some silly parlor trick.
01:06:08.874 --> 01:06:10.417
I'll go first.
01:06:32.650 --> 01:06:34.402
Not bad. Not bad.
01:06:35.820 --> 01:06:36.862
Now you.
01:06:37.405 --> 01:06:38.739
Go ahead!
01:06:53.671 --> 01:06:55.256
You look great.
01:06:55.923 --> 01:07:00.094
Go clean house and don't forget
the photographs and the handbook.
01:07:08.936 --> 01:07:10.438
- Coach?
- What?
01:07:11.981 --> 01:07:14.317
I don't think we survived that crash.
01:07:14.400 --> 01:07:16.070
How did you guess?
01:07:19.699 --> 01:07:21.618
Mr. And Mrs. Maitland?
01:07:26.372 --> 01:07:27.582
Hello?
01:07:28.750 --> 01:07:30.543
- Where are you?
- Dead.
01:07:32.086 --> 01:07:33.921
Dead, dead, deadski.
01:07:35.590 --> 01:07:37.467
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
01:07:37.550 --> 01:07:41.554
No, I mean they're gone. Split.
Out of here. Afterlife kids.
01:07:42.096 --> 01:07:44.515
- Deceased.
- Are you a ghost, too?
01:07:46.559 --> 01:07:49.103
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.
01:07:51.439 --> 01:07:54.233
You look like somebody I can relate to.
01:07:55.985 --> 01:07:58.863
Maybe you could help me get out of here.
01:07:59.322 --> 01:08:01.950
I gotta tell you, this death thing...
01:08:05.119 --> 01:08:06.537
It's creepy.
01:08:06.621 --> 01:08:08.375
Here's my problem.
01:08:08.792 --> 01:08:12.045
I've got friends on the outside
I said I'd meet.
01:08:12.462 --> 01:08:14.714
I have to be there in person.
01:08:14.798 --> 01:08:17.133
So could you help me get out of here?
01:08:18.260 --> 01:08:19.970
I want to get in.
01:08:20.971 --> 01:08:22.013
Why?
01:08:23.765 --> 01:08:27.560
You've probably got your reasons,
but I can't do anything from here.
01:08:27.644 --> 01:08:31.398
If you could get me out, over there,
maybe we could talk.
01:08:32.565 --> 01:08:36.069
But to do that you've got
to say my name three times.
01:08:36.152 --> 01:08:37.862
What's your name?
01:08:38.405 --> 01:08:40.115
I can't tell you.
01:08:40.657 --> 01:08:41.700
Why not?
01:08:42.242 --> 01:08:46.288
If I tell you, you'll tell your friends,
they'll call me all the time.
01:08:46.371 --> 01:08:50.458
I've got to go to shopping centers for
openings, sign autographs, that shit.
01:08:50.542 --> 01:08:53.628
It makes my life hell, okay? A living hell.
01:08:54.129 --> 01:08:58.049
But maybe if you have a pen...
I know! Do you play charades?
01:08:58.675 --> 01:09:00.135
- Yeah.
- Good.
01:09:00.677 --> 01:09:02.472
Here we go. Ready?
01:09:02.681 --> 01:09:04.057
Two words.
01:09:04.725 --> 01:09:05.934
Right!
01:09:07.477 --> 01:09:09.605
First word, two syllables.
01:09:10.314 --> 01:09:11.481
Look.
01:09:12.524 --> 01:09:13.984
Turn around.
01:09:15.694 --> 01:09:17.613
I don't know what your signal means.
01:09:17.696 --> 01:09:19.364
Look behind you!
01:09:20.073 --> 01:09:21.783
Hi. How are you?
01:09:22.242 --> 01:09:23.493
Beetle.
01:09:23.744 --> 01:09:25.495
Got it. Now, two.
01:09:28.707 --> 01:09:31.293
Breakfast? Orange? Orange beetle?
01:09:31.418 --> 01:09:32.919
Beetle fruit?
01:09:33.420 --> 01:09:35.130
Beetle breakfast?
01:09:36.173 --> 01:09:37.591
Beetle drink?
01:09:40.427 --> 01:09:41.929
Beetle juice?
01:09:42.054 --> 01:09:44.640
- That's it!
- Your name's Beetlejuice?
01:09:44.723 --> 01:09:48.143
You said it twice.
Just say it once more. Come on.
01:09:48.393 --> 01:09:50.938
It was you, wasn't it? The snake.
01:09:52.105 --> 01:09:55.069
You kids and your imagination!
Just say it!
01:09:56.195 --> 01:09:57.279
No.
01:09:59.073 --> 01:10:00.199
I want to talk to Barbara.
01:10:00.282 --> 01:10:03.452
You don't need to talk to Barbara!
Just say it!
01:10:07.456 --> 01:10:11.001
Adam, I can't go through with it.
I like that little girl.
01:10:11.085 --> 01:10:14.505
But it's too late.
We have to go through with this.
01:10:14.797 --> 01:10:17.132
No, we don't. Can't we rebel?
01:10:24.306 --> 01:10:26.350
I want to be with Lydia.
01:10:37.486 --> 01:10:39.405
Come on! Just say it!
01:10:41.615 --> 01:10:43.242
No, don't say it!
01:10:44.451 --> 01:10:45.703
Say it!
01:10:46.328 --> 01:10:49.083
It's okay. It's us. What's going on?
01:10:50.501 --> 01:10:51.794
Beetle...
01:10:52.295 --> 01:10:55.840
He said if I let him out he would
take me to the other side to find you.
01:10:55.923 --> 01:10:57.842
No, Lydia, we're dead.
01:11:00.386 --> 01:11:02.388
- I want to be dead, too.
- No!
01:11:11.022 --> 01:11:13.941
Being dead doesn't make things any easier.
01:11:14.025 --> 01:11:17.987
Listen to her on this.
This is something we know a lot about.
01:11:19.030 --> 01:11:21.782
And you can visit us anytime you want.
01:11:23.409 --> 01:11:27.204
I have a feeling things are going
to be better from now on.
01:11:28.164 --> 01:11:30.249
What do you mean, better?
01:11:30.458 --> 01:11:34.587
We've decided we're going to invite
you and your family to stay.
01:11:35.713 --> 01:11:37.173
That's right.
01:11:42.639 --> 01:11:45.975
- Can't we bring Maxie up here?
- You've got a stake in this, too.
01:11:46.059 --> 01:11:50.772
This is a presentation. It requires
a sense of occasion, a sense of style.
01:11:50.855 --> 01:11:53.483
- It's big. How will we get it out?
- It's sectional.
01:11:53.566 --> 01:11:55.401
- Wait, there are plugs.
- Careful!
01:11:55.485 --> 01:11:56.819
Okay, go.
01:11:58.655 --> 01:12:01.783
- What's going on?
- I don't know. I'll find out.
01:12:01.866 --> 01:12:03.284
Be careful.
01:12:04.661 --> 01:12:07.121
We've got Ed Cornwell
to head the wax museum...
01:12:07.205 --> 01:12:11.292
...dedicated to 50 great moments
of the paranormal in Thanksgiving Park.
01:12:11.376 --> 01:12:13.252
You must remember Ed.
01:12:14.212 --> 01:12:17.966
He's the genius who gave us
the talking Marcel Marceau statue.
01:12:19.676 --> 01:12:23.262
And D-Con is on its knees
to sponsor the insect zoo...
01:12:24.472 --> 01:12:26.766
...in the old hardware store.
01:12:27.141 --> 01:12:28.559
We can't lose!
01:12:34.816 --> 01:12:39.239
Lydia, you decided to join us.
I just finished the initial presentation.
01:12:39.322 --> 01:12:41.866
Now it's time to have a stretch...
01:12:42.367 --> 01:12:45.704
...and to invite our friends
to meet your friends.
01:12:46.371 --> 01:12:48.123
Are they here yet?
01:12:48.456 --> 01:12:51.251
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.
01:12:53.336 --> 01:12:55.505
They're not here... anymore.
01:12:59.926 --> 01:13:02.387
Every time she says that, the paint peels...
01:13:02.470 --> 01:13:05.473
...and some wild creature tries to kill us.
01:13:07.017 --> 01:13:09.269
But we have pictures, Lydia.
01:13:09.436 --> 01:13:12.439
Really. They said they'd come back
and we could all live here...
01:13:12.522 --> 01:13:16.693
...if you agreed not to tease them
or make them do stupid tricks.
01:13:17.694 --> 01:13:20.113
She has a tendency to overreact.
01:13:20.614 --> 01:13:24.075
Don't worry, we're not relying on her.
We have Otho.
01:13:27.370 --> 01:13:30.667
- Are they still here?
- Otho, are they still here?
01:13:30.876 --> 01:13:34.004
They're still here. They're just hiding out.
01:13:34.713 --> 01:13:37.299
They probably feel guilty
about what they did to me.
01:13:37.382 --> 01:13:39.301
They're sorry they didn't kill you.
01:13:39.384 --> 01:13:41.428
I just want to see them.
01:13:43.889 --> 01:13:45.432
Otho, can you do it?
01:13:45.557 --> 01:13:48.685
- It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
- No!
01:13:53.607 --> 01:13:57.069
What am I worried about?
You can't even change a tire.
01:13:59.988 --> 01:14:02.741
I'll be needing
something personal of theirs.
01:14:02.824 --> 01:14:04.993
You'll have to go to the Goodwill.
01:14:07.913 --> 01:14:09.289
Excuse me.
01:14:21.762 --> 01:14:23.597
The wedding clothes.
01:14:25.265 --> 01:14:26.642
The words:
01:14:34.942 --> 01:14:36.610
"Hands vermilion
01:14:37.069 --> 01:14:38.612
"Start of five
01:14:39.488 --> 01:14:40.948
"Bright cotillion
01:14:42.032 --> 01:14:43.534
"Raven's dive
01:14:44.493 --> 01:14:46.120
"Nightshade's promise
01:14:46.870 --> 01:14:48.455
"Spirits strive
01:14:49.623 --> 01:14:52.626
"To the living,
let now the dead come alive"
01:15:07.766 --> 01:15:09.059
Barbara?
01:15:11.312 --> 01:15:13.564
"As sudden thunder pierces night
01:15:14.857 --> 01:15:17.153
"As magic wonder mad affright
01:15:17.695 --> 01:15:19.947
"Rives asunder man's delight
01:15:21.449 --> 01:15:23.367
"Our ghost, our corpse
01:15:24.493 --> 01:15:26.287
"And we rise to be"
01:15:36.464 --> 01:15:37.506
Help!
01:15:45.931 --> 01:15:47.224
Stop it!
01:15:49.977 --> 01:15:51.812
"As flies the lizard
01:15:51.937 --> 01:15:53.189
"Serpent fell
01:15:53.648 --> 01:15:55.650
"As goblin vizard at the spell
01:15:57.109 --> 01:15:59.904
"The buried, dead and slain rise again"
01:16:47.120 --> 01:16:49.205
What's happening to them?
01:16:50.498 --> 01:16:51.749
I don't know.
01:16:53.334 --> 01:16:54.877
They're dying!
01:16:54.961 --> 01:16:57.672
They're already dead.
They can't feel a thing.
01:16:58.548 --> 01:17:01.634
- That's not true! Look at them!
- That's enough.
01:17:01.718 --> 01:17:03.430
Can we stop this?
01:17:05.473 --> 01:17:08.059
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.
01:17:15.984 --> 01:17:18.528
Where are you? Help them, please.
01:17:22.657 --> 01:17:25.952
Sure, I can help them.
But you've got to help me.
01:17:26.036 --> 01:17:28.997
- What?
- I'm what you call an illegal alien.
01:17:29.122 --> 01:17:32.792
I want out for good.
To do that, I've gotta get married.
01:17:34.711 --> 01:17:38.798
These aren't my rules. Come to think of it,
I don't have any rules.
01:17:39.674 --> 01:17:40.967
Come on.
01:17:41.676 --> 01:17:44.721
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience.
We both get something.
01:17:44.804 --> 01:17:48.808
I get out. You get the most
eligible bachelor since Valentino.
01:17:49.100 --> 01:17:51.645
- We're even.
- Okay, just help them.
01:17:54.939 --> 01:17:56.109
Sure.
01:18:06.620 --> 01:18:08.080
Beetlejuice.
01:18:16.463 --> 01:18:18.048
It's show time.
01:18:35.691 --> 01:18:37.609
Attention, K-Mart shoppers:
01:18:48.747 --> 01:18:53.210
I'm back. I feel real good about myself.
You know what I mean? So...
01:18:53.544 --> 01:18:55.379
...without further delay...
01:18:56.797 --> 01:18:58.757
...welcome to Winter River!
01:18:58.841 --> 01:19:00.884
Museum of Natural Greed!
01:19:01.135 --> 01:19:03.304
A monument to the bored businessman.
01:19:03.387 --> 01:19:07.141
Come a little closer.
Step right up! Test your strength.
01:19:29.330 --> 01:19:30.706
Thank you.
01:19:30.831 --> 01:19:32.541
Thank you! Whew!
01:19:33.917 --> 01:19:37.546
That is why I won't do
two shows a night anymore, babe.
01:19:38.005 --> 01:19:39.590
I won't do 'em.
01:19:39.715 --> 01:19:42.678
Well, what have we got here tonight, kids?
01:19:45.640 --> 01:19:47.683
We've got the Maitlands.
01:19:47.933 --> 01:19:50.853
I think they've had enough exercise
for tonight.
01:19:57.860 --> 01:20:00.946
Not so fast, Round Boy.
We're gonna have some laughs.
01:20:21.425 --> 01:20:22.760
Mom, Dad:
01:20:25.888 --> 01:20:28.766
I just want you two to know
you're welcome in our house...
01:20:28.849 --> 01:20:31.143
...anytime you want to come over.
01:20:31.227 --> 01:20:34.105
In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad.
01:20:38.403 --> 01:20:42.907
The Maitlands are taken care of.
Everything seems to be back to normal.
01:20:47.996 --> 01:20:49.330
Shall we?
01:20:59.716 --> 01:21:02.093
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.
01:21:02.176 --> 01:21:04.971
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
01:21:55.398 --> 01:21:57.609
Let's get on with the ceremony.
01:21:57.692 --> 01:21:59.277
Do you, Betel...
01:22:00.862 --> 01:22:04.366
- Nobody says the "B" word.
- Do you take this woman...
01:22:05.033 --> 01:22:07.160
...to be your wedded wife?
01:22:08.036 --> 01:22:10.622
I don't know. It's a big decision.
01:22:10.705 --> 01:22:14.584
I always said if I ever did it,
I was gonna do it only once.
01:22:15.543 --> 01:22:16.962
Sure. Go ahead.
01:22:17.045 --> 01:22:19.589
And do you, Lydia, take this man...
01:22:20.256 --> 01:22:21.716
No! Betel...
01:22:23.470 --> 01:22:27.057
She's a little nervous.
Maybe I should answer for her.
01:22:27.224 --> 01:22:29.142
I'm Lydia Deetz and I'm of sound mind.
01:22:29.226 --> 01:22:31.770
The man next to me is the one I want.
You asked me.
01:22:31.853 --> 01:22:34.856
I'm answering.
Yes, I love that man of mine.
01:22:35.524 --> 01:22:36.566
Come on.
01:22:40.570 --> 01:22:41.863
Come on.
01:22:43.073 --> 01:22:44.449
Betelgeu...
01:22:50.080 --> 01:22:51.290
Scram!
01:22:53.125 --> 01:22:54.418
Come on!
01:22:56.086 --> 01:22:57.421
Hey, guy.
01:23:00.590 --> 01:23:03.010
May we continue with the ceremony?
01:23:05.721 --> 01:23:07.639
- Then by...
- Betelgeuse.
01:23:17.609 --> 01:23:18.861
Strike!
01:23:22.114 --> 01:23:23.532
Let's roll!
01:23:23.782 --> 01:23:26.410
Then by the authority vested in me...
01:23:27.077 --> 01:23:29.705
- The ring, please.
- The ring! Oh, no!
01:23:37.755 --> 01:23:39.548
I've got it, honey.
01:23:55.606 --> 01:23:57.691
Here it is. Here you go.
01:23:58.317 --> 01:24:01.236
She meant nothing to me. Nothing at all!
01:24:07.701 --> 01:24:09.997
- I now pronounce you...
- Yeah, come on.
01:24:11.874 --> 01:24:13.209
Man and...
01:25:12.645 --> 01:25:15.189
- What time is it?
- It's about 3:30.
01:25:16.524 --> 01:25:18.359
Give or take a year.
01:25:24.949 --> 01:25:26.117
Well?
01:25:27.368 --> 01:25:28.453
Did you get the paints?
01:25:28.536 --> 01:25:32.040
Yes. And I took pictures
of the new town hall for you, too.
01:25:32.123 --> 01:25:34.042
How was the science test?
01:25:34.125 --> 01:25:37.211
It was gross.
They wanted me to dissect a frog.
01:25:37.295 --> 01:25:40.715
I told them "no way." I said it was
against my religion. I got a "C."
01:25:40.798 --> 01:25:42.550
And the math test?
01:25:44.218 --> 01:25:48.514
You're kidding me? We spent
the whole week studying for that test.
01:25:48.848 --> 01:25:50.350
I got an "A."
01:25:50.600 --> 01:25:51.976
So, can I?
01:25:52.644 --> 01:25:55.647
I don't know.
Got a "C" on the science test.
01:25:57.442 --> 01:26:00.362
Don't tease her.
You never got on "A" in science...
01:26:05.075 --> 01:26:06.368
Come on.
01:26:08.036 --> 01:26:09.287
Well...
01:26:10.330 --> 01:26:11.790
...I suppose.
01:26:28.390 --> 01:26:30.475
This reads like stereo instructions.
01:26:30.558 --> 01:26:33.269
Sounds like Lydia got an "A"
on the math test.
01:26:35.563 --> 01:26:37.023
He likes it.
01:27:17.733 --> 01:27:20.068
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.
01:27:21.987 --> 01:27:23.196
Women.
01:27:24.239 --> 01:27:26.742
I don't know what her problem is.
01:27:27.534 --> 01:27:28.952
Normally, chicks...
01:27:43.594 --> 01:27:45.554
Pardon me. Did you do that?
01:27:45.638 --> 01:27:47.014
Nice work.
01:27:47.222 --> 01:27:49.308
How do you get them so small?
01:27:49.391 --> 01:27:51.352
There goes Elvis! Yo, King!
01:27:54.146 --> 01:27:56.273
Well, looks like I'm next.
01:27:58.317 --> 01:28:02.946
Good thing. I've got to do a photo shoot
for G.Q. In an hour and a half.
01:28:03.947 --> 01:28:07.826
They've been after me for months.
Some kind of underwear deal.
01:28:09.495 --> 01:28:12.414
What are you doing? Stop it.
You're messing up my hair.
01:28:12.498 --> 01:28:14.583
Come on! Whoa! Stop it!
01:28:18.170 --> 01:28:20.547
This might be a good look for me.
01:31:42.883 --> 01:31:45.427
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