WEBVTT 00:00:01.634 --> 00:00:02.965 Alpa Chino! 00:00:03.069 --> 00:00:04.764 We're loaded 00:00:04.871 --> 00:00:06.202 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 00:00:06.306 --> 00:00:07.705 I love the pussy, hell, yeah 00:00:07.807 --> 00:00:10.469 I love that pussy dripping down to the floor, oh, no 00:00:10.577 --> 00:00:13.068 The wettest pussy, hell, yeah I love the pussy, hell, yeah 00:00:13.179 --> 00:00:16.273 I'm drinking up your Booty Sweat and busting a nut 00:00:16.383 --> 00:00:18.146 Alpa Chino got that pussy control 00:00:18.251 --> 00:00:20.151 Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat. 00:00:20.253 --> 00:00:21.686 Pop an ass open! 00:00:21.788 --> 00:00:25.280 Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars available at concessions now. 00:00:29.396 --> 00:00:33.526 In 2013, when the Earth's rotation came to a halt... 00:00:33.633 --> 00:00:37.194 The President has declared all of North America a disaster area. 00:00:37.303 --> 00:00:39.999 I call on my fellow Americans to come together... 00:00:40.106 --> 00:00:44.133 ... the world called on the one man who could make a difference. 00:00:48.181 --> 00:00:52.413 When it happened again, the world called on him once more. 00:00:53.620 --> 00:00:59.422 And no one saw it coming three more times! 00:01:02.028 --> 00:01:03.689 Now, 00:01:03.797 --> 00:01:07.733 the one man who made a difference five times before, 00:01:10.170 --> 00:01:14.539 is about to make a difference again. 00:01:15.275 --> 00:01:19.371 Only this time, it's different. 00:01:21.214 --> 00:01:22.841 Who left the fridge open? 00:01:24.284 --> 00:01:26.218 Tugg Speedman. 00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:31.086 Scorcher Vl: Global Meltdown. 00:01:31.191 --> 00:01:32.954 Here we go again. 00:01:34.494 --> 00:01:35.552 Again. 00:01:44.104 --> 00:01:46.971 Will there be anything else? 00:01:47.073 --> 00:01:50.270 Yes, my dear man. More beans. 00:01:52.078 --> 00:01:54.239 Granny! 00:01:56.182 --> 00:01:57.342 Please! 00:01:57.450 --> 00:02:02.410 This summer, America's favorite obese family is back. 00:02:05.291 --> 00:02:06.849 Gross! 00:02:06.960 --> 00:02:08.985 - You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. - Am not! 00:02:09.562 --> 00:02:11.052 Jeff Portnoy. 00:02:11.731 --> 00:02:13.198 Jeff Portnoy. 00:02:13.800 --> 00:02:15.290 Jeff Portnoy. 00:02:15.401 --> 00:02:21.499 And Jeff Portnoy are The Fatties: Fart Two. 00:02:21.608 --> 00:02:23.439 In some countries, 00:02:24.644 --> 00:02:26.271 it's considered a compliment. 00:02:26.379 --> 00:02:29.576 Letting loose this summer. 00:02:38.858 --> 00:02:44.592 In a time where to be different was to be condemned, 00:02:58.344 --> 00:03:03.043 and to be condemned was to die, 00:03:07.287 --> 00:03:11.348 one man chose to question his God. 00:03:15.328 --> 00:03:17.023 From Fox Searchlight, 00:03:25.872 --> 00:03:29.103 five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus 00:03:30.210 --> 00:03:34.544 and MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire. 00:03:40.920 --> 00:03:45.448 Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award, 00:03:46.659 --> 00:03:48.650 Satan's Alley. 00:03:53.032 --> 00:03:55.762 I've been a bad, bad boy, Father. 00:04:31.204 --> 00:04:34.002 In the winter of 1969, 00:04:34.107 --> 00:04:36.132 an elite force of the U.S. Army 00:04:36.242 --> 00:04:41.111 was sent on a top-secret assignment in southeast Vietnam. 00:04:41.214 --> 00:04:43.978 The objective, rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback 00:04:44.083 --> 00:04:47.143 from a heavily guarded NVA Prison Camp. 00:04:47.253 --> 00:04:50.347 The mission was considered to be near suicide. 00:04:51.658 --> 00:04:54.957 Of the 10 men sent, four returned. 00:04:55.061 --> 00:04:58.497 Of those four, three wrote books about what happened. 00:04:58.598 --> 00:05:01.567 Of those three, two were published. 00:05:01.668 --> 00:05:05.832 Of those two, just one got a movie deal. 00:05:07.340 --> 00:05:12.573 This is the story of the men who attempted to make that movie. 00:05:23.389 --> 00:05:25.983 Whiskey Fire Old Snake requests an LZ prep 00:05:26.092 --> 00:05:28.652 at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner, over. 00:05:33.966 --> 00:05:38.232 Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge. 00:05:39.372 --> 00:05:41.499 Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne. Welcome aboard. 00:05:44.944 --> 00:05:46.673 All right, lead's going in. Give her some cover. 00:05:46.779 --> 00:05:49.612 Delivery on five. I repeat, delivery on five. 00:05:55.688 --> 00:05:57.986 This is Zero-Three. I'm on your six, don't worry. 00:05:58.324 --> 00:06:00.952 Chalk-Three's taking fire. Guns right, guns right. 00:06:07.734 --> 00:06:09.861 Lay that shit down! 00:06:09.969 --> 00:06:11.266 Come on! 00:06:13.106 --> 00:06:15.404 Come on, you damn dirty heathens! 00:06:15.508 --> 00:06:18.841 Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye, this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee! 00:06:18.945 --> 00:06:22.346 I need fast movers on my Yankee Smoke, copy? 00:06:22.448 --> 00:06:24.382 Boomer, this is Wall-Eye. I got two-Alpha-four 00:06:24.484 --> 00:06:26.714 - snake and nape on the ready! - Oh, Jesus! Holy shit! 00:06:26.819 --> 00:06:27.979 Holy shit! 00:06:28.087 --> 00:06:29.884 Get on that horn and get some firepower, boy! 00:06:29.989 --> 00:06:31.149 Jesus Christ! 00:06:31.257 --> 00:06:32.554 Listen, you cherry fuck, 00:06:32.658 --> 00:06:36.185 you call in that snake and nape and get us some boom-boom now! 00:06:36.295 --> 00:06:38.786 I'd do it myself but I'm kind of goddamn busy! 00:06:38.898 --> 00:06:40.263 I need an answer, Boomer! 00:06:40.366 --> 00:06:42.061 Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye! 00:06:42.168 --> 00:06:43.533 I copy! 00:06:45.405 --> 00:06:46.895 What the fuck? 00:06:55.081 --> 00:06:57.515 That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker! 00:06:57.617 --> 00:06:59.414 I think I can put it back in! 00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:02.454 This is the last Christmas I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass! 00:07:02.555 --> 00:07:05.291 Want some? Get some! 00:07:05.358 --> 00:07:08.384 Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf! 00:07:08.494 --> 00:07:11.691 Don't count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass! 00:07:11.798 --> 00:07:14.790 Motown, get your Detroit jukebox Jheri curl ass 00:07:14.901 --> 00:07:17.131 in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP! 00:07:17.236 --> 00:07:19.067 Four Leaf is still outside the perimeter, Sarge! 00:07:19.172 --> 00:07:23.666 Miss me with that cracker chump jive! We di di mau! We di di mau! 00:07:23.776 --> 00:07:25.175 Come on, get down, get down! 00:07:25.278 --> 00:07:27.303 What am I looking at? What is this? 00:07:28.214 --> 00:07:32.173 Come on, let's get, let's go! Come on, elevator up, up! 00:07:32.285 --> 00:07:34.810 Sarge. It's Four Leaf. 00:07:48.100 --> 00:07:49.158 No! 00:07:55.575 --> 00:07:56.837 Survive! 00:08:10.022 --> 00:08:12.513 Cover me, you limp dick fuckups! 00:08:18.164 --> 00:08:21.395 Peek-a-boo! I see you! 00:08:23.436 --> 00:08:25.165 Hold on, Four Leaf! 00:08:27.807 --> 00:08:29.138 Oh, shit! 00:08:31.410 --> 00:08:32.900 Watch my right! 00:08:34.580 --> 00:08:36.844 Come on, Leaf, let's boogie! 00:08:44.190 --> 00:08:45.851 No! 00:08:45.958 --> 00:08:47.050 No! 00:08:50.229 --> 00:08:52.322 - Fats! - Holy fuck! 00:08:53.599 --> 00:08:56.159 Take us over to those men! Shit! 00:09:00.640 --> 00:09:03.609 Look at you, man. Playing with grenades. 00:09:07.113 --> 00:09:08.375 I'm cold, Linc. 00:09:10.416 --> 00:09:12.247 I can't feel my legs. 00:09:13.386 --> 00:09:15.377 Ain't nothing but a thang. 00:09:16.856 --> 00:09:19.086 Hold my hands, 00:09:19.191 --> 00:09:21.022 'cause I got something to... 00:09:21.127 --> 00:09:22.992 I got something to say. 00:09:24.397 --> 00:09:26.058 Oh, boy. 00:09:30.069 --> 00:09:32.970 When we get back to the world, 00:09:33.072 --> 00:09:35.802 I'm gonna finally teach you how to juggle. 00:09:37.777 --> 00:09:41.042 I ain't never been worth a nothing in this life, 00:09:41.147 --> 00:09:43.911 but I want you to know something. 00:09:44.984 --> 00:09:46.281 What, man? 00:09:48.187 --> 00:09:49.484 You are my... 00:09:50.990 --> 00:09:52.685 You are my brother. 00:10:05.671 --> 00:10:10.699 You are my brother. You are my... You are my... 00:10:10.876 --> 00:10:12.503 I am your brother. 00:10:16.015 --> 00:10:17.744 I'm sorry. Could we cut? 00:10:17.850 --> 00:10:19.340 - What's he saying? - Damien, can we cut? 00:10:19.452 --> 00:10:21.113 - No. No, no, no, no, no... - All right, you know what? 00:10:21.220 --> 00:10:24.212 We got the jets coming in, big explosion, two minutes. 00:10:24.323 --> 00:10:25.415 Still rolling. 00:10:25.524 --> 00:10:27.151 You know what? No, not still rolling. Can we cut? 00:10:27.259 --> 00:10:28.920 - We're cutting. - No, we're not. Get out! 00:10:29.028 --> 00:10:30.996 Hey, what's going on? For real, my butt is hurting! 00:10:31.097 --> 00:10:33.031 This harness is riding up my crack! 00:10:33.132 --> 00:10:35.794 - Damien, are we cutting? - No! No! Still rolling! 00:10:35.901 --> 00:10:38.028 Mr. Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir? 00:10:38.137 --> 00:10:41.300 No! No. I'm not cutting! We're still rolling! 00:10:41.407 --> 00:10:42.465 Damien, what's the dealy, dude? 00:10:42.575 --> 00:10:44.372 Are we gonna blow this tree line or what? 00:10:44.477 --> 00:10:46.035 Tuk Tuk and Kim got the blue balls here. 00:10:46.145 --> 00:10:47.373 I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go! 00:10:47.480 --> 00:10:49.710 - Play it through. Still rolling! - Dieter, can he hear me? 00:10:49.815 --> 00:10:52.375 That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator. 00:10:52.485 --> 00:10:54.851 I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it! 00:10:54.954 --> 00:10:56.421 He's making a fucking sweater back here. 00:10:56.522 --> 00:10:58.854 I'm trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts. 00:10:58.958 --> 00:11:00.084 Oh, shit! 00:11:00.192 --> 00:11:01.819 Alpa Chino hotline. What's up? What's up, baby? 00:11:01.927 --> 00:11:04.122 What the fuck is going on here? 00:11:04.230 --> 00:11:05.390 Everyone, please shut up. 00:11:05.498 --> 00:11:07.989 The jets are coming in. We only have one chance at this! 00:11:08.100 --> 00:11:10.261 On three, baby. One, two, breathe. 00:11:10.369 --> 00:11:12.894 Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do a countdown before I do the scene. 00:11:13.005 --> 00:11:14.063 - No countdown? - No countdown. 00:11:14.173 --> 00:11:15.367 - Okay. - Can we just do it off of "Action"? 00:11:15.474 --> 00:11:17.032 Just... In your own time. 00:11:17.143 --> 00:11:18.940 - Good... - I'm not a rocket ship, okay? 00:11:19.045 --> 00:11:20.672 - All right, dude. - And action! 00:11:20.780 --> 00:11:23.715 Whatever floats your boat, baby. Fuck! Don't die! 00:11:23.816 --> 00:11:26.250 Erika, get me a VitaminWater! 00:11:26.352 --> 00:11:27.819 You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry. 00:11:27.920 --> 00:11:32.323 Not to get into his thing, but if I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too? 00:11:32.425 --> 00:11:34.325 - No, it's everyone cry... - We cutting or we crying? 00:11:34.427 --> 00:11:35.758 - No, no, no, we're crying! - Just call it, man! 00:11:35.861 --> 00:11:37.988 - Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. - Thanks! 00:11:38.097 --> 00:11:39.826 - Everybody cry... - You know what? 00:11:39.932 --> 00:11:41.900 - You see how agitated he is now? - I know. 00:11:42.001 --> 00:11:44.435 - Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. - Okay. Still rolling! 00:11:44.837 --> 00:11:47.499 This is Falcon One. We have the ridge in sight, approximately two miles out. 00:11:47.606 --> 00:11:49.870 Dieter, these jets are about to crest this ridge line. 00:11:49.975 --> 00:11:51.909 They got about 200 pounds of shit your pants. 00:11:52.011 --> 00:11:53.171 I need to know if we're ready to go. 00:11:55.815 --> 00:11:58.113 - You're my... You're my... - I am your... 00:11:58.217 --> 00:12:01.675 See, that's what I think it is, Damien. I think it's the line. 00:12:01.787 --> 00:12:02.811 Yeah? 00:12:02.922 --> 00:12:04.787 I don't know if Four Leaf would say that... Four Leaf? 00:12:04.890 --> 00:12:07.222 Were you crying when your hands blew up? 00:12:07.326 --> 00:12:08.953 No. See, he didn't. Yeah, I mean, just that's what... 00:12:09.061 --> 00:12:10.619 So now we in re-writes, right? 00:12:10.730 --> 00:12:11.856 - Where you going? - Let's re-write it! 00:12:11.964 --> 00:12:14.125 Action Jackson can't cry. That's what's going down. 00:12:14.233 --> 00:12:16.201 You know what, Kirk? I'm ready to do the scene! 00:12:16.302 --> 00:12:19.863 What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it? 00:12:19.972 --> 00:12:21.564 - Now it's time to flip the script! - Kirk... 00:12:21.674 --> 00:12:23.835 Be here till Chinese New Year waiting for my man to cry. 00:12:23.943 --> 00:12:25.376 Here they come! 00:12:25.478 --> 00:12:28.675 - Kirk, no! - Stop tailgating me, you pasty teabag! 00:12:28.781 --> 00:12:29.770 Can I make pee-pee? 00:12:29.882 --> 00:12:32.282 - The planes are inbound! - I know! Oh, shit! 00:12:32.384 --> 00:12:35.581 Get the fruit... Jesus! Fuck! Shit! Cocksucking! 00:12:35.688 --> 00:12:39.385 - That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go! - Tropic tits! 00:12:39.492 --> 00:12:41.551 Goddamn shit-picking cock! 00:12:43.329 --> 00:12:45.058 It's beautiful! 00:12:51.103 --> 00:12:54.038 Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit! 00:12:54.340 --> 00:12:57.207 Hot! Hot, hot, hot, hot! Fuck! 00:13:01.814 --> 00:13:03.372 - Sweet. - Oh, mama! 00:13:03.516 --> 00:13:04.881 Let me down! 00:13:05.985 --> 00:13:08.249 Bungle in the jungle. 00:13:08.354 --> 00:13:11.448 More bad news from the Vietnamese set of Tropic Thunder, 00:13:11.557 --> 00:13:15.288 where a $4 million explosion charred the Asian location 00:13:15.394 --> 00:13:17.362 and the camera wasn't even rolling. 00:13:17.463 --> 00:13:20.125 Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul Les Grossman, 00:13:20.232 --> 00:13:23.326 the film is already rumored to be one month behind schedule 00:13:23.435 --> 00:13:26.302 just five days into shooting. The reason? 00:13:26.405 --> 00:13:29.340 Fingers are pointed at rookie director Damien Cockburn, 00:13:29.441 --> 00:13:32.535 who, insiders say, can't control a star-studded cast, 00:13:32.645 --> 00:13:37.344 including flatulent star of the popular Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy. 00:13:37.449 --> 00:13:39.974 Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me. 00:13:40.085 --> 00:13:43.816 They say that the movie's just about farts. It's about family, 00:13:43.923 --> 00:13:47.017 and... you! You can't do what I do. 00:13:47.126 --> 00:13:51.358 Fresh from his most recent arrest for heroin, glue and crack possession, 00:13:51.463 --> 00:13:53.829 Portnoy was almost uninsurable. 00:13:53.933 --> 00:13:58.267 Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino. 00:13:58.370 --> 00:14:00.861 I'm so excited, you know what I'm saying, about doing Tropic Thunder. 00:14:00.973 --> 00:14:03.134 Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby. Drink Booty Sweat. 00:14:03.242 --> 00:14:04.903 But the real heavyweight on the set 00:14:05.010 --> 00:14:07.706 is five-time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus. 00:14:07.813 --> 00:14:11.544 The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics off-screen 00:14:11.650 --> 00:14:15.245 is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays. 00:14:15.354 --> 00:14:16.188 Well, being an actor is no different 00:14:16.188 --> 00:14:16.654 Well, being an actor is no different 00:14:16.755 --> 00:14:18.950 than being a rugby player or a construction worker, 00:14:19.058 --> 00:14:20.184 save for the fact that my tools 00:14:20.292 --> 00:14:22.351 are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion. 00:14:22.461 --> 00:14:24.520 Lazarus underwent a controversial 00:14:24.630 --> 00:14:27.622 pigmentation alteration procedure in order to play 00:14:27.733 --> 00:14:30.827 the platoon's African-American sergeant, Lincoln Osiris. 00:14:30.936 --> 00:14:32.369 Yeah! 00:14:32.471 --> 00:14:34.336 Trying to hold his own onscreen with Kirk 00:14:34.440 --> 00:14:36.567 is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman. 00:14:36.675 --> 00:14:39.473 Once the highest grossing star in the world, 00:14:39.578 --> 00:14:42.638 lately his Scorcher films have lost their heat. 00:14:42.748 --> 00:14:45.342 Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra. 00:14:45.451 --> 00:14:47.385 You have no real family. 00:14:47.486 --> 00:14:51.923 You're on the wrong side of 40. You're childless and alone. 00:14:52.024 --> 00:14:53.719 Somebody close to you said, 00:14:53.826 --> 00:14:56.624 "One more flop and it's over." 00:14:58.731 --> 00:15:00.824 Somebody said they were close to me? 00:15:01.767 --> 00:15:02.893 It's been a tough year for Tugg. 00:15:03.002 --> 00:15:05.766 The disappointing buddy comedy Chitlin' & the Dude 00:15:05.871 --> 00:15:10.535 was followed by an ill-advised venture into serious dramatic territory. 00:15:10.643 --> 00:15:11.735 Simple Jack, 00:15:11.844 --> 00:15:15.575 the story of a mentally impaired farmhand who can talk to animals, 00:15:15.681 --> 00:15:17.546 was a box office disaster 00:15:17.650 --> 00:15:22.246 that many critics called, "One of the worst movies of all time." 00:15:22.354 --> 00:15:25.983 I ain't got a good brain. 00:15:27.026 --> 00:15:29.927 I think you've got a fine brain, Jack. 00:15:30.029 --> 00:15:35.194 You make me happy. 00:15:36.735 --> 00:15:41.172 But now the question is, can Speedman make audiences happy 00:15:41.273 --> 00:15:43.036 in what's being called the most expensive 00:15:43.142 --> 00:15:45.406 - war movie never made? - Rick Peck. 00:15:45.511 --> 00:15:47.001 Wishing Tugg all the best on that one. 00:15:47.112 --> 00:15:51.446 Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker. You got time for your agent? 00:15:51.550 --> 00:15:52.812 - Rick? - Hey, buddy, 00:15:52.918 --> 00:15:54.476 guess who I'm staring at right now. 00:15:54.586 --> 00:15:56.247 - What? - I'm looking at your ugly mug 00:15:56.355 --> 00:15:58.653 on the back cover of Vanity Fair magazine, 00:15:58.757 --> 00:16:01.191 holding a cute, cuddly panda from Cutesville. 00:16:01.293 --> 00:16:03.887 It is insane, bro. You are a rock star. 00:16:03.996 --> 00:16:06.590 Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent? 00:16:06.699 --> 00:16:07.723 From Rick. 00:16:07.833 --> 00:16:09.926 Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks. 00:16:10.035 --> 00:16:12.595 All right, that is a real satellite phone, bro. 00:16:12.705 --> 00:16:14.297 Do not re-gift. 00:16:14.406 --> 00:16:16.897 Hey. You see that Access Hollywood piece? 00:16:17.009 --> 00:16:19.944 Yeah, I did. It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. 00:16:20.045 --> 00:16:24.482 I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Tugg. You are a huge star, all right? 00:16:24.583 --> 00:16:26.050 But right now, 00:16:26.151 --> 00:16:27.709 you're like that kid on the playground, you know, 00:16:27.820 --> 00:16:30.789 the one who has lice that none of the other kids want to play with? 00:16:30.889 --> 00:16:32.880 - What do you mean? - I mean we gotta shave your head 00:16:32.992 --> 00:16:35.460 and get you back on the monkey bars, right? 00:16:35.561 --> 00:16:36.892 What? 00:16:36.996 --> 00:16:38.861 How did the crying scene go? 00:16:38.964 --> 00:16:40.727 Horrible. Lazarus started crying. 00:16:40.833 --> 00:16:43.996 Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it wasn't even in the script... 00:16:44.103 --> 00:16:45.195 Stop right there! 00:16:45.304 --> 00:16:47.033 You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat. 00:16:47.139 --> 00:16:49.835 Who cares how much more talented he may be than you? 00:16:49.942 --> 00:16:53.309 If he cries, you cry harder, man. 00:16:53.412 --> 00:16:55.573 Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia or something 00:16:55.681 --> 00:16:57.046 when you were a kid? I mean, think of that. 00:16:57.149 --> 00:17:00.084 Boom! End of story. They hook up the TiVo yet? 00:17:00.185 --> 00:17:01.675 - No. - What? 00:17:01.787 --> 00:17:03.687 They have digital cable, but, I mean, it's okay. 00:17:03.789 --> 00:17:06.019 No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay. 00:17:06.125 --> 00:17:08.252 It is not okay, Tugg! 00:17:08.360 --> 00:17:11.488 And you don't need to explain to me why you need TiVo 00:17:11.597 --> 00:17:15.533 or clean water, clean sheets, food, shelter. 00:17:15.634 --> 00:17:18.728 I mean, I fought for that in your contract. 00:17:18.837 --> 00:17:20.896 How's the adoption thing coming, buddy? 00:17:21.006 --> 00:17:23.031 Not too great. 00:17:24.410 --> 00:17:26.708 Well, at least you get to choose yours. 00:17:26.812 --> 00:17:28.643 I'm stuck with mine. 00:17:30.549 --> 00:17:33.074 Tell you what, get back to work, genius soldier. 00:17:33.185 --> 00:17:36.052 The Pecker's on a TiVo mission for the Y-O-U. 00:17:36.155 --> 00:17:37.918 Work on those tears, my man. 00:17:38.023 --> 00:17:39.115 All right. Yeah. 00:17:39.224 --> 00:17:40.782 Say it for me one time. 00:17:40.893 --> 00:17:45.159 - You make me happy. - Make me happy. 00:17:45.264 --> 00:17:46.856 - I love you, buddy. - All right, bye. 00:17:47.766 --> 00:17:49.757 Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly? 00:17:49.868 --> 00:17:51.529 I mean, are we in a crisis? 00:17:51.637 --> 00:17:53.161 He's the head of the studio. 00:17:53.272 --> 00:17:55.638 He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away. 00:17:55.741 --> 00:17:56.833 He just wants a little face-time. 00:17:56.942 --> 00:17:59.536 I know, it's just you said that he called it a crisis meeting. So... 00:17:59.645 --> 00:18:02.045 It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around. 00:18:02.147 --> 00:18:06.550 "Crisis," "explosion," "not rolling," "fired." 00:18:06.652 --> 00:18:07.983 These are just words. 00:18:08.087 --> 00:18:10.180 Yeah! Yeah! 00:18:10.289 --> 00:18:13.588 Keep a secret? A camera truck in London just plowed into Judi Dench. 00:18:13.692 --> 00:18:14.818 Trust me, he's got bigger problems. 00:18:14.927 --> 00:18:17.395 Look, he may be able to see me, but I can't see him. 00:18:17.496 --> 00:18:22.024 - Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello! - Get your ass out of my... 00:18:22.134 --> 00:18:23.567 - Your feet were on my desk. - Can he see us? 00:18:23.669 --> 00:18:25.000 I don't know why we don't have... 00:18:25.104 --> 00:18:27.265 Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working! 00:18:27.372 --> 00:18:29.863 Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. Hello, Les! 00:18:29.975 --> 00:18:31.374 - Hello, Les! - Okay. 00:18:31.477 --> 00:18:33.536 We got you loud and clear here, Les. 00:18:33.645 --> 00:18:37.342 I see you. I see you. I see you. 00:18:37.449 --> 00:18:40.577 Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn? 00:18:41.587 --> 00:18:43.111 That's me, sir. 00:18:43.222 --> 00:18:46.749 It's good to finally meet you at last, get some face-time. 00:18:46.859 --> 00:18:50.818 And who here is the key grip? You? You. 00:18:52.831 --> 00:18:56.289 Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard. 00:19:03.142 --> 00:19:04.473 Sorry, man. 00:19:10.983 --> 00:19:14.384 This is your fault, you limey fuck! 00:19:14.486 --> 00:19:16.511 You shit the money-bed, my friend. 00:19:16.622 --> 00:19:19.352 Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry, 00:19:19.458 --> 00:19:21.449 but I am dealing with a bunch of prima donnas! 00:19:21.560 --> 00:19:25.052 Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry! He can't cry! 00:19:25.164 --> 00:19:27.564 You know how you handle an actor? They whine about anything, 00:19:27.666 --> 00:19:30.965 you pull down their pants and you spank their ass. 00:19:31.069 --> 00:19:33.264 - You spank that ass, Les. - What? 00:19:33.372 --> 00:19:37.138 Spanking a child turns him into a little snot. 00:19:38.010 --> 00:19:40.911 Fear makes him a man. 00:19:41.947 --> 00:19:46.543 I know a place where a man's worth is measured 00:19:46.652 --> 00:19:50.452 in the ears hanging from his dog tags. 00:19:50.556 --> 00:19:53.286 The real deep shit. 00:19:53.392 --> 00:19:55.986 You wanna make this movie right? 00:19:56.094 --> 00:19:59.586 That's where you take your pansy-ass actors. 00:20:01.166 --> 00:20:03.031 Who is this guy? 00:20:03.135 --> 00:20:05.035 Les, that's Four Leaf. 00:20:05.137 --> 00:20:08.436 Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book. 00:20:10.642 --> 00:20:14.703 You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. 00:20:14.813 --> 00:20:17.782 Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job! 00:20:18.650 --> 00:20:20.117 - Look, Cockburn. - Yes. 00:20:20.219 --> 00:20:24.246 From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole 00:20:24.356 --> 00:20:25.721 that every time you have a thought, 00:20:25.824 --> 00:20:28.850 it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. 00:20:28.961 --> 00:20:32.488 Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down. 00:20:32.598 --> 00:20:33.690 Diet Coke! 00:20:46.278 --> 00:20:48.974 When the herd loses its way, 00:20:49.081 --> 00:20:53.518 the shepherd must kill the bull that leads them astray. 00:20:55.354 --> 00:20:58.619 - Four Leaf? - Come on over. It's okay. 00:21:00.292 --> 00:21:01.782 - Sit down. - Yes. 00:21:03.195 --> 00:21:08.292 - So, you don't like the hotel? - Beds give me nightmares. 00:21:13.338 --> 00:21:18.537 I'm guessing right about now you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin 00:21:18.644 --> 00:21:22.978 with an Ohio hooker holding your prick and showing you the way. 00:21:29.788 --> 00:21:31.119 What? 00:21:31.223 --> 00:21:35.159 I put my story in your limp Brit hands, 00:21:35.260 --> 00:21:38.696 and you are not going to fail me. 00:21:38.797 --> 00:21:42.392 You think I was just blowing my own bagpipe in that meeting? 00:21:42.501 --> 00:21:46.335 You must put those boys in the shit. 00:21:46.438 --> 00:21:47.996 What? I don't understand. 00:21:48.106 --> 00:21:51.371 - You wanna make your movie or not? - Yes, I do. 00:21:51.476 --> 00:21:54.968 All right, you get some of those little video type cameras. 00:21:55.080 --> 00:21:58.709 We take them out there, and we put them in the trees in different angles. 00:21:58.817 --> 00:22:02.116 Then you give me and that pyromaniac Cody 00:22:02.220 --> 00:22:07.089 all the smoke bombs, charges, explosives, detonators you got. 00:22:07.192 --> 00:22:09.626 Then we take those boys up there, 00:22:09.728 --> 00:22:12.822 me and Cody, we could light up that fucking jungle, 00:22:12.931 --> 00:22:15.866 so those lily-dick actors would be shitting their pants 00:22:15.967 --> 00:22:17.958 and screaming for their mammies. 00:22:18.070 --> 00:22:21.528 They'd be begging for a body bag if it means a ride home. 00:22:24.376 --> 00:22:25.900 I could do it. 00:22:26.678 --> 00:22:30.114 I could shoot the whole thing guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty. 00:22:30.215 --> 00:22:33.548 Get them away from their helpers and ass-licking assistants. 00:22:33.652 --> 00:22:34.744 Put them in the real shit. 00:22:34.853 --> 00:22:36.047 - Real shit. - With real fear in their eyes! 00:22:36.154 --> 00:22:39.214 Real fear, real emotion! Yes, Four Leaf, yes! 00:22:39.324 --> 00:22:41.417 - Yes! Yes! - Yes! Yes! 00:22:41.526 --> 00:22:43.289 Take them off the fucking grid! 00:23:00.746 --> 00:23:03.510 You are no longer actors in a movie! 00:23:04.616 --> 00:23:07.346 You are five men in a helicopter! 00:23:09.121 --> 00:23:10.884 With three other men! 00:23:16.528 --> 00:23:18.052 How long are we gonna be gone, anyways? 00:23:18.163 --> 00:23:22.224 'Cause I left most of my vitamins back at the hotel. 00:23:22.334 --> 00:23:24.894 - Save your breath, maggots! - That's right, maggots! 00:23:48.059 --> 00:23:50.721 Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! 00:23:52.030 --> 00:23:55.193 Move it, maggots, move! Move, grunts, move your ass! 00:23:55.300 --> 00:23:57.598 Get out, you wriggly worms! 00:23:57.702 --> 00:24:00.170 - It's up too high! - Move, move, move! 00:24:03.642 --> 00:24:05.371 See you in hell! 00:24:16.888 --> 00:24:21.086 This is bullshit! I gotta at least call my fucking assistant. 00:24:22.360 --> 00:24:25.090 Fucking! Jesus! Dude! 00:24:26.565 --> 00:24:28.795 You're sitting on a nest of hostile enemy V.C. 00:24:28.900 --> 00:24:32.336 Congratulations, Fats. You just got us all killed. 00:24:33.338 --> 00:24:36.933 Anybody else care to give away our position to Charlie? 00:24:37.042 --> 00:24:38.805 Cell phones! 00:24:38.910 --> 00:24:40.377 What the hell, Damien? 00:24:40.479 --> 00:24:44.176 Weren't no cell phones in '69, man. I'm head-to-toe legitimate. 00:24:44.282 --> 00:24:47.683 Gentlemen, I've got good news and bad news. 00:24:47.786 --> 00:24:51.278 The studio wants to shut us down. That's the bad news. 00:24:51.423 --> 00:24:53.721 And the good news. 00:24:53.825 --> 00:24:56.726 If you wanna save this movie, you will become a unit. 00:24:56.828 --> 00:25:00.594 Your objective is to head north to the D'ang Kwook River 00:25:00.699 --> 00:25:02.189 and liberate the POW camp, 00:25:02.300 --> 00:25:05.565 at which point Four Leaf will get himself captured, 00:25:05.670 --> 00:25:07.467 at which point you will rescue him, 00:25:07.572 --> 00:25:10.939 at which point we will chopper you home! 00:25:12.143 --> 00:25:13.235 Damn. 00:25:13.345 --> 00:25:15.142 Four Leaf, since you're the staff sergeant, 00:25:15.247 --> 00:25:17.647 there's the map, this is the scene list. 00:25:17.749 --> 00:25:19.876 Think you can handle it? 00:25:19.985 --> 00:25:24.183 We have rigged this entire valley of death with hidden cameras. 00:25:25.657 --> 00:25:29.286 And I will be shooting as well, from unseen vantage points, 00:25:29.394 --> 00:25:32.989 so that every glorious moment is captured on film. 00:25:34.266 --> 00:25:37.429 And believe me, gentlemen, it will be glorious. 00:25:37.536 --> 00:25:40.061 If it looks real, chances are it probably is. 00:25:40.171 --> 00:25:41.763 You wanted to be actors. 00:25:41.873 --> 00:25:44.467 You wanted to occupy the skin of another human being. 00:25:44.576 --> 00:25:47.568 Well, get ready to occupy the skin of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt, 00:25:47.679 --> 00:25:51.445 surrounded by death, crawling up Satan's bottom. 00:25:52.484 --> 00:25:57.183 There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, your own little personal slice of 'Nam. 00:25:57.289 --> 00:26:01.885 This radio goes to the chopper and the chopper only. 00:26:01.993 --> 00:26:06.396 The chopper is God, and I am Jesus Christ, his son. 00:26:06.531 --> 00:26:09.227 You are my chosen disciples. 00:26:09.334 --> 00:26:12.360 And no one gets to go home till we get the shots. 00:26:12.470 --> 00:26:15.496 Put on your war faces, gentlemen. 00:26:15.607 --> 00:26:20.306 Now, let's go and make the greatest war movie ever! 00:26:20.412 --> 00:26:22.744 - Yeah! - All right! 00:26:41.499 --> 00:26:42.557 Yeah! 00:26:48.006 --> 00:26:49.064 Yeah! 00:27:01.620 --> 00:27:03.520 Not bad, Cockburn! 00:27:05.357 --> 00:27:06.551 Not bad. 00:27:08.259 --> 00:27:09.851 Wherever you are! 00:27:11.863 --> 00:27:14.923 Wherever he is? Looks like he's all over the place. 00:27:16.735 --> 00:27:18.635 Here we go. 00:27:18.737 --> 00:27:20.762 Must be an old French mine. 00:27:20.872 --> 00:27:24.330 It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China. This jungle must be full of them. 00:27:26.411 --> 00:27:29.869 Don't you get it? He's messing with our heads. 00:27:29.981 --> 00:27:32.006 That's what all that playing God stuff was about. 00:27:32.117 --> 00:27:34.677 He's trying to get us to act good, save the movie. 00:27:34.786 --> 00:27:37.812 He ain't playing God. He's being judged by him. 00:27:41.826 --> 00:27:44.522 That's our objective. Complete the mission. 00:27:50.735 --> 00:27:53.636 No offense, Kirk, I know you're the big fancy actor here, 00:27:53.738 --> 00:27:57.640 but I've done a lot more effects-driven event films than you. Okay? 00:27:57.742 --> 00:27:59.141 And I think I can spot 00:28:01.246 --> 00:28:02.770 a prop head when I see one. 00:28:02.881 --> 00:28:04.371 Oh, Jesus. 00:28:05.583 --> 00:28:09.075 It's corn syrup, guys. Corn syrup and latex. 00:28:12.290 --> 00:28:15.418 Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup. 00:28:15.527 --> 00:28:16.653 Oh, God. 00:28:17.295 --> 00:28:20.231 Smoke and mirrors, guys. Welcome to the movie factory. 00:28:20.532 --> 00:28:21.726 Oldest trick in the book. 00:28:23.735 --> 00:28:25.032 He getting down now. 00:28:25.136 --> 00:28:26.501 Oh, my God! 00:28:29.307 --> 00:28:31.366 Whoa, look at me! 00:28:31.476 --> 00:28:32.943 You're going to get the shots, 00:28:33.044 --> 00:28:36.036 and I'm going to make sure because I'm the director. 00:28:36.147 --> 00:28:38.274 I'm from London. I direct plays. 00:28:38.383 --> 00:28:41.409 Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on! 00:28:51.296 --> 00:28:52.991 Look, I'm Dave Beckham. 00:29:02.774 --> 00:29:05.174 So, we gotta light these boys up today, huh? 00:29:05.276 --> 00:29:07.471 Blow some sense into these young men. 00:29:08.446 --> 00:29:11.347 Hey, I don't want to come off as weird or anything, 00:29:11.449 --> 00:29:15.385 but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah. 00:29:16.755 --> 00:29:20.247 Tropic Thunder. Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye. 00:29:21.493 --> 00:29:23.723 Yeah, I've never been in the military, per se, 00:29:23.828 --> 00:29:26.262 but I have lost an appendage in the line of duty. 00:29:28.066 --> 00:29:30.296 Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig. 00:29:31.069 --> 00:29:32.127 Yeah. 00:29:32.637 --> 00:29:35.435 It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. What is it? 00:29:35.540 --> 00:29:37.201 I don't know what it's called. 00:29:38.343 --> 00:29:43.076 I just know the sound it makes when it takes a man's life. 00:29:46.217 --> 00:29:47.275 Okay. 00:29:47.852 --> 00:29:49.080 Damien, we're go for explosion. 00:29:49.187 --> 00:29:51.985 Ready to kick the tires and light the fires on your say-so. 00:29:52.090 --> 00:29:53.819 Damien, we're go for explosion. 00:29:54.959 --> 00:29:55.983 Do you copy? 00:29:56.094 --> 00:29:58.961 I got an itchy trigger finger here, and I'm ready to blow some shit up. 00:29:59.063 --> 00:30:02.692 All right, you happy now? Can we do the scene? 00:30:02.801 --> 00:30:05.429 Or do you need a formal invitation? Come on, let's go! 00:30:07.238 --> 00:30:08.330 Here. Okay. 00:30:08.439 --> 00:30:10.634 "Scene 12, exterior, jungle clearing, day, ambush. 00:30:16.181 --> 00:30:18.115 "Four Leaf notices movement in the brush. 00:30:18.216 --> 00:30:21.242 "A dozen guerrilla fighters can be seen moving in the tree line. 00:30:21.352 --> 00:30:23.912 "Somewhere a mine explodes." And you. 00:30:25.256 --> 00:30:27.281 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 00:30:27.392 --> 00:30:28.882 - Yeah. - No, that's your line. 00:30:28.993 --> 00:30:31.860 - I got... Now? - Yeah, but scared. Like, scared. 00:30:31.963 --> 00:30:34.693 - "I got a bad feeling on this one." - Dude, wait, like how? 00:30:34.799 --> 00:30:36.630 "I got a bad feeling on this one." 00:30:36.734 --> 00:30:38.827 - Okay. - Action. Go, come on. 00:30:47.846 --> 00:30:50.713 I got a bad feeling on this one there, Fats. 00:30:52.050 --> 00:30:55.451 Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley, 00:30:55.553 --> 00:30:57.384 first thing I'm doing is paying my 2 bucks 00:30:57.488 --> 00:30:59.115 so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry 00:30:59.224 --> 00:31:01.920 on a sweet little mama-san's dinky dau poontang. 00:31:02.026 --> 00:31:04.927 Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged before he get any cooch. 00:31:05.029 --> 00:31:08.260 He die, he probably die a coochless motherfucker. 00:31:08.366 --> 00:31:10.095 Zip it, Motown. 00:31:10.201 --> 00:31:11.793 Man, I'm thirsty. 00:31:12.904 --> 00:31:17.864 Might as well have some of this Booty Sweat I got back in Danang. 00:31:18.743 --> 00:31:22.235 Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead! 00:31:22.347 --> 00:31:24.144 Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak, 00:31:24.249 --> 00:31:27.582 David Blaine trapdoor horseshit jumping off here! 00:31:27.685 --> 00:31:31.451 Hey! You wanna get on the train here, or do you wanna ruin another take? 00:31:31.556 --> 00:31:34.889 There ain't no goddamn takes, ain't no goddamn motion picture! 00:31:35.860 --> 00:31:37.623 - You sure? - Yeah. 00:31:37.729 --> 00:31:39.526 - Yeah? - For certain, man. 00:31:39.631 --> 00:31:41.531 Then why are you still in character? 00:31:43.101 --> 00:31:45.069 I know, but I don't have to tell you. 00:31:46.204 --> 00:31:47.262 You don't know. 00:31:47.372 --> 00:31:50.307 Man, I don't drop character till I done a DVD commentary. 00:31:53.077 --> 00:31:55.238 You happy now? We're out of position for the effects! 00:31:55.346 --> 00:31:57.075 Get down, fool! 00:31:58.783 --> 00:32:01.684 Didn't anyone read the script? This is the ambush! 00:32:03.087 --> 00:32:06.750 - This feels pretty real! - Exactly! Let's use it. 00:32:17.368 --> 00:32:18.528 Yeah! 00:32:19.804 --> 00:32:21.169 Yeah! 00:32:23.775 --> 00:32:25.037 Eat lead! 00:32:27.011 --> 00:32:29.377 They're busting caps like a motherfucker down there. 00:32:32.650 --> 00:32:34.743 This is FUBAR. I say we juice them. 00:32:34.852 --> 00:32:36.342 - What do you think? - Juice them. 00:32:38.756 --> 00:32:41.247 Fuck you, Charlie! 00:32:43.328 --> 00:32:44.795 Big-ass titties! 00:32:50.768 --> 00:32:52.395 Look at that, huh? 00:32:57.675 --> 00:32:58.869 And cut! 00:33:01.145 --> 00:33:02.976 That's the trailer right there. 00:33:03.081 --> 00:33:04.378 Yeah! 00:33:04.482 --> 00:33:06.746 - What do we do now? - Yeah. 00:33:06.851 --> 00:33:08.375 North. Man said to head north. 00:33:08.486 --> 00:33:11.819 - Did you see me shooting? - That's how we do. Good work, baby. 00:33:11.923 --> 00:33:12.981 I believed it. 00:33:13.091 --> 00:33:14.251 D'ang Kwook River. 00:33:14.892 --> 00:33:16.291 I'm betting he's got more of these battles 00:33:16.394 --> 00:33:19.124 and Viet Congs rigged for us along the way. 00:33:19.230 --> 00:33:22.996 Sergeant Osiris, get your men. Load and lock. 00:33:23.668 --> 00:33:25.431 Real, baby, I'm real. 00:33:26.504 --> 00:33:29.302 Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover! 00:33:30.441 --> 00:33:33.467 Hump it up, gentlemen! Single formation. 00:33:33.578 --> 00:33:35.409 Don't dawdle now! 00:33:59.537 --> 00:34:03.803 D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface. How are we coming on that hotplate? 00:34:06.444 --> 00:34:09.743 Something's up. I think we better drag ass back there. 00:34:09.847 --> 00:34:12.543 Make sure Damien ain't forgot how to use his talkbox again. 00:34:20.291 --> 00:34:23.260 Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste. 00:34:24.862 --> 00:34:26.989 - What are you doing, Jeff? - Fucking... Nothing, man! 00:34:27.098 --> 00:34:30.431 - I'm eating jellybeans. - Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please... 00:34:30.535 --> 00:34:33.265 No, you can't have any fucking jellybeans. 00:34:33.371 --> 00:34:34.463 They're mine. 00:34:34.572 --> 00:34:35.732 You think you're the only one who gets sick 00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:37.535 when he doesn't have his jellybeans? 00:34:37.642 --> 00:34:39.041 Boundaries, man. Fuck. 00:34:58.963 --> 00:35:01.659 Hey. I didn't mean to show you up back there. 00:35:01.766 --> 00:35:05.896 It's just, I feel like we really need to set the example for the other guys. 00:35:06.003 --> 00:35:07.903 It's gonna be tough, 00:35:08.005 --> 00:35:11.031 but I think Damien's gonna get some great shit out of us. 00:35:12.577 --> 00:35:14.306 Just wish I had a director like this on Jack. 00:35:14.412 --> 00:35:16.903 On Jack. What? Jack? What you talking about? 00:35:18.116 --> 00:35:20.084 - Simple Jack. - Oh, yeah. 00:35:21.586 --> 00:35:24.817 Simple Jack, yeah. You went all out on that one, huh? 00:35:24.922 --> 00:35:27.186 You did. Really swung for the fences, huh? 00:35:27.291 --> 00:35:29.691 Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. 00:35:29.794 --> 00:35:32.695 Yeah, it was an intense experience, you know. 00:35:33.397 --> 00:35:35.490 I just did the work. 00:35:35.600 --> 00:35:39.400 Watched a lot of retarded people. Spent time with them. Observed them. 00:35:40.705 --> 00:35:42.866 Watched all the retarded stuff they did. 00:35:42.974 --> 00:35:44.737 Then again, I always found mere observation 00:35:44.842 --> 00:35:47.140 in and of itself is a tad rudimentary. 00:35:47.245 --> 00:35:50.305 Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper to mine the true emotional pay dirt. 00:35:50.414 --> 00:35:54.748 Thus, we can diagram the source of the pain and then live it, you know. 00:35:54.852 --> 00:35:56.911 Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly. 00:35:57.021 --> 00:35:59.751 You know, there were times when I was doing Jack 00:35:59.857 --> 00:36:02.325 that I actually felt retarded, 00:36:02.426 --> 00:36:03.694 - like really retarded. - Damn. 00:36:03.694 --> 00:36:04.319 - Like really retarded. - Damn. 00:36:04.428 --> 00:36:07.659 In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up 00:36:07.765 --> 00:36:10.734 to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb. 00:36:10.835 --> 00:36:12.393 - To be a moron. - Yeah. 00:36:12.503 --> 00:36:15.233 - To be moronical. - Exactly, to be a moron. 00:36:15.339 --> 00:36:16.704 - An imbecile. - Yeah. 00:36:16.807 --> 00:36:19.674 Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived. 00:36:19.777 --> 00:36:20.937 When I was playing the character. 00:36:21.045 --> 00:36:23.639 - When you was the character. - Yeah, as Jack, definitely. 00:36:23.748 --> 00:36:25.978 Jack, stupid ass Jack. 00:36:26.083 --> 00:36:27.812 By the end of the whole thing, I was like, 00:36:27.919 --> 00:36:32.447 "Wait a minute, I flushed so much out, how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?" 00:36:32.557 --> 00:36:34.616 - It's just like... Right? - Yeah. 00:36:34.725 --> 00:36:37.489 You was farting in bathtubs and laughing your ass off. 00:36:37.595 --> 00:36:40.063 Yeah. I mean, it was really quite a... It was crazy. 00:36:40.164 --> 00:36:43.656 It's like working with mercury. It's high science, man. It's an art form. 00:36:43.768 --> 00:36:45.793 - Yeah. - You an artist. 00:36:45.903 --> 00:36:47.700 - That's what we do, right? Yeah. - Yeah. 00:36:47.805 --> 00:36:49.067 Hats off for going there, 00:36:49.173 --> 00:36:51.903 especially knowing how the Academy is about that shit. 00:36:55.613 --> 00:36:59.140 - About what? - You're serious? You don't know? 00:37:01.352 --> 00:37:03.377 Everybody knows you never go full retard. 00:37:04.922 --> 00:37:07.015 - What do you mean? - Check it out. 00:37:07.158 --> 00:37:11.254 Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked retarded, act retarded, not retarded. 00:37:11.362 --> 00:37:15.458 Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. 00:37:16.334 --> 00:37:18.199 Then you got Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump. 00:37:18.302 --> 00:37:20.600 Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, braces on his legs. 00:37:20.705 --> 00:37:23.606 But he charmed the pants off Nixon, and he won a Ping-Pong competition. 00:37:23.708 --> 00:37:24.902 That ain't retarded. 00:37:26.010 --> 00:37:29.002 Peter Sellers, Being There. Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. 00:37:30.748 --> 00:37:32.739 You went full retard, man. 00:37:34.085 --> 00:37:35.450 Never go full retard. 00:37:36.454 --> 00:37:40.015 You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam. 00:37:40.124 --> 00:37:43.423 Remember? Went full retard? Went home empty-handed. 00:37:53.271 --> 00:37:56.468 Oh, my God! Holy shit! 00:37:57.141 --> 00:37:59.837 Good job, turd. You killed the director. 00:37:59.944 --> 00:38:01.206 No, that's impossible, man. 00:38:01.312 --> 00:38:04.179 I rigged the whole tree line, and this is here. 00:38:04.315 --> 00:38:05.839 - He must have missed his mark. - Missed his mark? 00:38:05.950 --> 00:38:07.178 Yeah, this isn't me. 00:38:07.285 --> 00:38:10.083 Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard and get back to the hotel. 00:38:10.187 --> 00:38:12.883 - You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! - We're in a world of hurt! 00:38:12.990 --> 00:38:15.185 - You're in trouble. - This isn't just on me! 00:38:15.293 --> 00:38:17.523 - We're in a... We're together on this. - Bullshit. 00:38:17.628 --> 00:38:19.095 You're just gonna run away. You're gonna leave. 00:38:19.196 --> 00:38:20.857 What happened to, "No man left behind," okay? 00:38:20.965 --> 00:38:23.229 Just wait, just wait! Listen! Listen, okay? 00:38:23.334 --> 00:38:26.064 - I don't wanna hear it. - Let me just be real with you, all right? 00:38:26.170 --> 00:38:29.469 I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis on Freaky Friday, okay? 00:38:29.573 --> 00:38:30.904 This shit will fucking ruin me! 00:38:31.008 --> 00:38:32.908 - Just get off me! You're pathetic. - No, I'm not. 00:38:33.010 --> 00:38:35.478 - Get off me! - You are not going back! 00:38:38.849 --> 00:38:40.783 - What the fuck? - Now wait a minute. 00:38:58.569 --> 00:39:00.127 I fucking hate movies. 00:39:02.473 --> 00:39:05.306 This is bullshit. I don't wanna be in this shitty movie. 00:39:15.152 --> 00:39:17.916 No! That's my jellybeans! No! 00:39:18.022 --> 00:39:22.686 Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit! 00:39:22.793 --> 00:39:26.058 - Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut. - You go to hell! There he is. 00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:32.435 God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go? 00:39:33.404 --> 00:39:35.702 You little piece of shit! I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off! 00:39:37.808 --> 00:39:40.834 Sanducci. Hold up, man, keep it on the down-low. 00:39:42.246 --> 00:39:44.476 I don't really gotta piss. I'm trying to talk at you, man. 00:39:44.582 --> 00:39:46.209 Bait, I need bait. 00:39:47.351 --> 00:39:51.048 You went to boot camp, right? You can read a map? 00:39:51.155 --> 00:39:52.383 Yeah, I think so. 00:39:52.490 --> 00:39:55.186 I know Speedman got everyone convinced we out here 00:39:55.292 --> 00:39:59.092 making Planet of the Apes on YouTube or some shit, but I don't buy it. 00:39:59.196 --> 00:40:01.664 You wanna step on a real landmine? You wanna die? 00:40:02.466 --> 00:40:04.161 You wanna get shot by a real motherfucker? 00:40:04.268 --> 00:40:07.431 - Keep looking ahead, man. - No, of course not. 00:40:07.538 --> 00:40:11.099 If I can put that map in your hands, can I count you in? 00:40:11.208 --> 00:40:14.735 - Well, yeah, I guess you can. - Dynamite. I'm out. 00:40:18.416 --> 00:40:20.850 That smelled just like bologna for some reason. 00:40:20.951 --> 00:40:23.476 Is anyone gonna fucking help me get this fucking thing? 00:40:24.188 --> 00:40:26.748 Why are they even out in the daytime? 00:40:28.959 --> 00:40:33.396 I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you. 00:40:39.637 --> 00:40:43.403 Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. 00:40:45.609 --> 00:40:47.338 He's way out on a limb with this character, 00:40:47.445 --> 00:40:49.276 and I think he's getting cold feet. 00:40:50.714 --> 00:40:54.172 - I need you on my side, Kyle. - It's Kevin. 00:40:54.285 --> 00:40:56.446 Good. Can I count on you? 00:40:57.621 --> 00:41:01.492 Yeah. If you want I could give the map a look-see. 00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:03.720 - I'll handle the map. - Okay. 00:41:03.828 --> 00:41:07.059 You stick with the program, we get this movie in the can, 00:41:07.164 --> 00:41:10.861 I'm thinking there could be a Teen Choice Award in it for you. 00:41:10.968 --> 00:41:15.166 You have that potential. They'll slime you, the whole deal. 00:41:15.272 --> 00:41:18.901 - Yeah, that's wicked. - Good. 00:41:24.815 --> 00:41:26.908 There it is! Yeah, now you're dead! 00:41:28.085 --> 00:41:29.313 You O.D.'d! 00:41:30.888 --> 00:41:32.219 Hold up now, Jeff. 00:41:34.625 --> 00:41:36.024 Fucking hell! 00:41:37.661 --> 00:41:40.721 What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man! 00:41:40.831 --> 00:41:43.299 I don't have any more jellybeans. 00:41:49.907 --> 00:41:51.704 You land there! 00:42:06.624 --> 00:42:09.024 Wow. Look at these ruins. 00:42:11.195 --> 00:42:15.632 - Where the hell are we? - D'ang Kwook River. 00:42:15.733 --> 00:42:18.099 That so? How do you know that? How you sure? 00:42:18.202 --> 00:42:20.397 Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go. 00:42:20.504 --> 00:42:25.601 Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. Seriously, my skin hurts! 00:42:25.709 --> 00:42:28.143 Enough from the peanut gallery! Into the water, ladies! 00:42:28.245 --> 00:42:30.372 No, man. Let me take a look at that map right quick. 00:42:30.481 --> 00:42:32.073 Why is everybody all obsessed with the map? 00:42:32.182 --> 00:42:34.207 'Cause we're tired of being your trail donkeys! 00:42:34.318 --> 00:42:36.718 Acting like you some one-man GPS! 00:42:36.820 --> 00:42:40.688 God damn it! We lost! We fucking super lost, man! 00:42:40.791 --> 00:42:42.918 Tell him, McClusky. Tell him what time it is. 00:42:43.027 --> 00:42:44.585 I don't believe you people. 00:42:46.330 --> 00:42:48.025 What do you mean "you people"? 00:42:50.701 --> 00:42:53.295 What do you mean, "you people"? 00:42:53.404 --> 00:42:55.395 I think what Tugg means is... 00:42:55.506 --> 00:42:56.871 No, look at his eyes, man. 00:42:56.974 --> 00:42:59.670 ...you people, you actors. You people... - Look at them beady, white devil eyes. 00:42:59.777 --> 00:43:01.335 I gotta get back to the hotel, for real! 00:43:01.445 --> 00:43:03.413 - Hell, no! - Silence! 00:43:04.448 --> 00:43:07.110 Chill! All right? Just chill it. 00:43:08.619 --> 00:43:11.816 Now, let's go get those Viet Congs. 00:43:12.656 --> 00:43:14.214 - "Viet Cong"! - What? 00:43:14.725 --> 00:43:17.751 It's "Viet Cong." There's no "S." It's already plural. 00:43:17.861 --> 00:43:19.453 You wouldn't say "Chineses." 00:43:20.831 --> 00:43:23.265 All right, that's enough of this insubordination! 00:43:23.367 --> 00:43:26.165 If the machine breaks down, we break down. 00:43:26.270 --> 00:43:28.795 Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy 00:43:28.906 --> 00:43:30.498 and then Rambo II, he got all shredded up? 00:43:30.608 --> 00:43:33.475 - Yeah. - That's kind of how you look right now. 00:43:33.577 --> 00:43:35.135 - Yeah? - Not Rambo I but II. 00:43:35.245 --> 00:43:36.974 - Really? - Yeah, when he was cut up. 00:43:37.081 --> 00:43:39.447 I'm not that... I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know... 00:43:39.550 --> 00:43:42.246 Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man. 00:43:42.353 --> 00:43:43.843 - Thanks. - What's the secret, dude? 00:43:43.954 --> 00:43:45.319 - It's a diet. I'm just dieting. - Really? 00:43:45.422 --> 00:43:48.414 'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, but it's just... It's tough. 00:43:48.525 --> 00:43:50.015 - You look good. - Any tips? 00:43:50.127 --> 00:43:51.822 - What? - Any tips, you got? 00:43:51.929 --> 00:43:53.055 There's, like, the pineapple... 00:43:53.163 --> 00:43:55.461 - Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! - Hey! 00:43:55.566 --> 00:43:57.158 - Hey! - All right, now! 00:43:57.267 --> 00:43:59.701 What it is, Sikorski? Tell us where we really at. 00:43:59.803 --> 00:44:01.794 That's fucking bullshit! It's a chump move. 00:44:01.905 --> 00:44:03.839 We just getting a second opinion, doc. 00:44:05.676 --> 00:44:06.938 We're going the wrong way! 00:44:07.044 --> 00:44:08.136 - Damn! - Son of a bitch. 00:44:08.245 --> 00:44:12.705 God! I think we were supposed to be doing this, 00:44:12.816 --> 00:44:15.717 and instead we did this. 00:44:15.819 --> 00:44:19.448 Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit! 00:44:19.556 --> 00:44:22.081 Think you can get us back to that drop zone, boy? 00:44:23.027 --> 00:44:24.426 This is not cool! 00:44:27.131 --> 00:44:28.257 Maybe. 00:44:29.700 --> 00:44:31.190 This is insane! 00:44:32.469 --> 00:44:34.801 Are you really going to abandon this movie? 00:44:35.606 --> 00:44:37.801 We're supposed to be a unit! 00:44:37.908 --> 00:44:39.432 Suck my unit! 00:44:40.310 --> 00:44:42.107 All right, fine. 00:44:42.212 --> 00:44:47.115 - I'll finish it by myself. - You go be all you can be, man. 00:44:47.217 --> 00:44:49.208 Tugg, you have no idea where you're going! 00:44:49.319 --> 00:44:51.116 Yes, I do! 00:44:51.221 --> 00:44:55.749 I'm going to, "Exterior, rain forest, dusk. 00:44:55.859 --> 00:45:00.319 "Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks alone through a frightening jungle." 00:45:00.431 --> 00:45:02.365 Suck on that unit, Kirk! 00:45:15.946 --> 00:45:18.938 Come on, men. Let's get home. 00:45:57.121 --> 00:46:01.785 Hello, Mr. Mantis. You're beautiful. 00:46:04.061 --> 00:46:05.995 Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo 00:46:06.096 --> 00:46:07.825 where Hollywood was split into schisms, 00:46:07.931 --> 00:46:11.332 some studios backing Blu-ray Disc, others backing HD DVD. 00:46:11.435 --> 00:46:12.527 People thought it would come down to 00:46:12.636 --> 00:46:14.900 pixel rate or refresh rate, and they're pretty much the same. 00:46:15.005 --> 00:46:18.805 What it came down to was a combination of gamers and porn. 00:46:18.909 --> 00:46:20.638 Now, whichever format porno backs 00:46:20.744 --> 00:46:24.578 is usually the one that becomes the most successful. 00:46:24.681 --> 00:46:27.673 But, you know, Sony, every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it. 00:46:27.785 --> 00:46:29.514 You talking to me this whole time? 00:46:30.254 --> 00:46:31.551 I was talking to whoever was listening to me. 00:46:31.655 --> 00:46:33.122 Jesus Christ, man! 00:46:51.542 --> 00:46:53.601 Booty Sweat. 00:46:59.650 --> 00:47:01.049 Oh, God! 00:47:03.287 --> 00:47:07.849 It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold. 00:47:07.958 --> 00:47:09.493 You want my flak jacket? 00:47:09.493 --> 00:47:10.152 You want my flak jacket? 00:47:10.260 --> 00:47:14.128 What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here! 00:47:14.231 --> 00:47:17.064 Keep the volume down on that bitching, Flatch Adams. 00:47:17.167 --> 00:47:19.067 I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit! 00:47:19.169 --> 00:47:21.137 - How we doing? We making good time? - We're making good time, 00:47:21.238 --> 00:47:24.366 but there's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown. 00:47:24.474 --> 00:47:26.965 All right, fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up! 00:47:27.077 --> 00:47:29.375 - Oh, God. - Y'all might be in for a treat. 00:47:29.479 --> 00:47:30.878 You know, back before the war broked out, 00:47:30.981 --> 00:47:33.711 I was a saucier in San Antone. 00:47:33.817 --> 00:47:36.445 I bet I could collar up some of them greens. 00:47:36.553 --> 00:47:40.853 Yeah, noodle some crawfish out the paddy, yo. 00:47:40.958 --> 00:47:44.985 And maybe some crab apples for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah! 00:47:46.330 --> 00:47:47.592 Hell, yeah! 00:47:47.698 --> 00:47:51.896 That's how we all talk. We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh. 00:47:52.002 --> 00:47:57.235 Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs. 00:47:57.341 --> 00:48:02.210 You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack. 00:48:06.450 --> 00:48:08.850 I get excited about my foods, man. 00:49:34.805 --> 00:49:37.069 Die! 00:49:50.821 --> 00:49:52.914 No! 00:49:59.463 --> 00:50:03.763 Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we? 00:50:03.867 --> 00:50:06.267 I have no idea. 00:50:06.370 --> 00:50:08.930 I've never been outside the States. 00:50:09.039 --> 00:50:11.200 Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me? 00:50:11.308 --> 00:50:13.299 Did you make this whole goddamn thing up? 00:50:13.410 --> 00:50:14.775 Dude, were you even in the fucking service? 00:50:14.878 --> 00:50:17.540 Yes. Of course. Coast Guard. 00:50:17.647 --> 00:50:19.547 - Coast Guard. - Sanitation Department. 00:50:19.649 --> 00:50:22.345 Oh, my God! You're a fucking garbage man! 00:50:22.452 --> 00:50:26.183 Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. Of A. 00:50:26.289 --> 00:50:28.951 I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot! 00:50:29.059 --> 00:50:31.118 Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, okay? 00:50:31.228 --> 00:50:32.923 You lied about fighting the Vietnam War. 00:50:33.030 --> 00:50:36.295 It's like punching the American flag in the face, God damn it. 00:50:36.400 --> 00:50:37.833 God, and to think I believed in you! 00:50:37.934 --> 00:50:40.300 - I don't wanna be next to you. - Writers lie all the time. 00:50:40.404 --> 00:50:42.531 Can I be tied to another post? Okay. 00:51:04.161 --> 00:51:05.992 - Rick? - Tugg. 00:51:06.096 --> 00:51:08.155 I killed one, Rick. 00:51:09.299 --> 00:51:11.699 The thing I love most in the world. 00:51:11.802 --> 00:51:13.633 Vivica, get off the line now! 00:51:15.939 --> 00:51:18.339 A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker. 00:51:18.442 --> 00:51:20.501 Calm down. Here's what you're gonna do. 00:51:20.610 --> 00:51:21.770 Get your hands on some bleach, 00:51:21.878 --> 00:51:24.244 some hydrogen peroxide and a shitload of lime. 00:51:24.347 --> 00:51:25.837 No, a panda. 00:51:25.949 --> 00:51:27.712 I killed a panda. 00:51:27.818 --> 00:51:29.615 Amanda? Come on, dude. 00:51:29.719 --> 00:51:31.744 I mean, that's probably not even her real name. 00:51:31.855 --> 00:51:33.516 No, a panda! 00:51:33.623 --> 00:51:34.988 A panda? 00:51:35.092 --> 00:51:37.686 A sweet, cuddly, 00:51:37.794 --> 00:51:39.728 vicious little panda. 00:51:39.863 --> 00:51:42.798 Jesus Christ, Tugg! Man, don't scare me like that! 00:51:42.899 --> 00:51:44.059 It's beautiful here. 00:51:44.167 --> 00:51:45.657 You on the set? 00:51:45.769 --> 00:51:47.031 I am the set. 00:51:47.137 --> 00:51:50.106 All right, man. Hey, how's the TiVo working out? 00:51:50.207 --> 00:51:51.435 Screw TiVo. 00:51:51.541 --> 00:51:54.009 I'm way beyond TiVo. 00:51:54.111 --> 00:51:56.204 Last I checked, they hadn't hooked it up, though. 00:51:56.313 --> 00:51:59.612 Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo? 00:51:59.716 --> 00:52:01.547 It doesn't matter anymore. 00:52:04.387 --> 00:52:05.854 I've moved on. 00:52:06.590 --> 00:52:08.319 Where have you moved on to? 00:52:08.425 --> 00:52:09.585 Another agency? 00:52:11.361 --> 00:52:12.589 Hey, who is with you? 00:52:12.696 --> 00:52:16.792 You are still my client, Tugg Speedman! I am getting the TiVo! 00:52:16.900 --> 00:52:19.095 Jacket's on, I'm out the door! 00:52:19.202 --> 00:52:20.260 Tugg? 00:52:22.873 --> 00:52:23.862 Please don't fire me. 00:52:27.408 --> 00:52:30.309 Oh, mama. Thirsty. 00:52:30.444 --> 00:52:32.503 He doesn't look too good. 00:52:32.613 --> 00:52:37.641 Must drink, so I can throw something up! 00:52:37.751 --> 00:52:39.878 No, no. Don't drink that water! That water's like a petri dish! 00:52:39.987 --> 00:52:41.079 No, don't! 00:52:41.188 --> 00:52:43.713 Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat? 00:52:43.824 --> 00:52:46.190 Yeah, get him chugging on some of Alpa's ass water. 00:52:46.293 --> 00:52:48.227 That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. 00:52:48.329 --> 00:52:50.229 Man, what you coming out in movies for anyway? 00:52:50.331 --> 00:52:51.992 Did you need another revenue stream? 00:52:52.099 --> 00:52:54.897 For your information, my revenue stream 00:52:55.002 --> 00:52:57.334 currently generates $2 million a year 00:52:57.438 --> 00:52:59.372 in charitable contributions for my community. 00:52:59.473 --> 00:53:01.805 - Hot damn. - And why am I in this movie? 00:53:01.909 --> 00:53:04.241 Maybe I just knew I had to represent, 00:53:04.345 --> 00:53:06.142 because they had one good part in it for a black man 00:53:06.246 --> 00:53:08.305 and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee. 00:53:09.917 --> 00:53:13.478 Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure. 00:53:13.587 --> 00:53:15.714 I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your barbie. 00:53:15.823 --> 00:53:16.949 That shit ain't funny. 00:53:17.057 --> 00:53:19.753 Hey, fellas! It's hot! We're tired! It stinks! 00:53:19.860 --> 00:53:21.418 I'm just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack! 00:53:21.528 --> 00:53:23.257 I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby. 00:53:23.364 --> 00:53:25.832 You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid. 00:53:25.933 --> 00:53:28.595 - You about to cross some fucking lines. - Guys, relax and stuff. 00:53:28.702 --> 00:53:29.760 You know what? Fuck that, man! 00:53:29.870 --> 00:53:32.532 I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger telling me... 00:53:37.277 --> 00:53:38.835 For 400 years, 00:53:39.880 --> 00:53:42.781 that word has kept us down. 00:53:43.851 --> 00:53:45.478 What the fuck? 00:53:45.586 --> 00:53:49.352 It took a whole lot of trying just to get up that hill. 00:53:49.456 --> 00:53:52.357 Now we up in the big leagues, 00:53:52.459 --> 00:53:54.222 getting our turn at bat. 00:53:54.328 --> 00:53:56.990 Long as we live, it's you and me, baby. 00:53:57.665 --> 00:54:00.998 That's the theme song for The Jeffersons. You really need help. 00:54:01.101 --> 00:54:04.229 Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, don't make it not true. 00:54:04.338 --> 00:54:06.272 You know what? I'm gonna tell you what's true. 00:54:06.373 --> 00:54:09.809 I'm gonna tag you back. You better believe that, baby. 00:54:09.910 --> 00:54:12.504 Guys! Hey, guys! 00:54:13.113 --> 00:54:15.581 Jeff, stay away from that animal. 00:54:17.951 --> 00:54:20.784 I'm gonna bite his hide. I need... 00:54:21.822 --> 00:54:25.087 I need to wear his stomach skin like a unitard. 00:54:26.060 --> 00:54:29.359 Ain't nobody doing nothing to no one or body! 00:54:29.463 --> 00:54:34.332 Now, if Mr. Portnoy is feeling a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk, 00:54:34.435 --> 00:54:36.494 put him up on that cloven-hoof animal! 00:54:37.871 --> 00:54:39.168 We got ground to cover! 00:55:08.168 --> 00:55:11.433 All right, POW camp, scene 67. 00:55:12.339 --> 00:55:14.068 Bring it on, Cockburn! 00:55:21.181 --> 00:55:24.981 My body may be shackled, but my mind wanders free. 00:55:29.757 --> 00:55:30.917 Wait, wait, wait, let me do the line again. 00:55:31.024 --> 00:55:32.116 Let me do the line again. 00:55:32.226 --> 00:55:36.322 My body may be shackled, but my mind wanders free. 00:55:43.537 --> 00:55:44.868 Good, again. Again. 00:55:50.677 --> 00:55:53.237 Good, good. Now let's do the torture scene. 00:55:53.347 --> 00:55:55.144 I see moss on both sides of that tree. 00:55:55.249 --> 00:55:58.377 Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't the only one at boot camp... 00:55:58.485 --> 00:56:00.385 My belly really hurts, you guys! 00:56:00.487 --> 00:56:02.682 I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous. 00:56:02.790 --> 00:56:05.020 Let me off, I gotta puke! I don't wanna die like Hendrix! 00:56:05.125 --> 00:56:06.786 All right. All right. 00:56:11.365 --> 00:56:13.356 Are you okay, Jeff? 00:56:13.467 --> 00:56:14.832 I'm awesome. 00:56:17.237 --> 00:56:18.704 Holy shit! 00:56:23.243 --> 00:56:25.404 Okay. Everyone, down, down, down. 00:56:30.117 --> 00:56:31.607 Man. Now I'm tripping. 00:56:31.718 --> 00:56:34.346 That looks like the POW camp from out the script, yo. 00:56:35.222 --> 00:56:36.917 Speedman was right? 00:56:37.024 --> 00:56:38.389 I don't think so. 00:56:38.492 --> 00:56:40.722 Look at the cooking vats, the armed guards. 00:56:42.296 --> 00:56:44.389 Looks like a heroin processing plant. 00:56:45.499 --> 00:56:46.625 We were in that chopper for hours. 00:56:46.733 --> 00:56:48.997 I don't even think we're in Vietnam anymore. 00:56:49.102 --> 00:56:51.536 - Fuck. - Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam? 00:56:51.638 --> 00:56:54.402 No, most likely Myanmar or Laos. 00:56:54.508 --> 00:56:56.066 What the fuck is Laos? 00:56:56.176 --> 00:56:57.973 It's the Golden Triangle. 00:56:58.078 --> 00:56:59.636 The world's hard drug superhighway. 00:56:59.746 --> 00:57:01.043 And how do you know about that? 00:57:01.148 --> 00:57:03.878 It was a really long trip. I read the in-flight magazine. 00:57:05.686 --> 00:57:06.983 Cut! 00:57:07.087 --> 00:57:08.554 Oh, Jesus! 00:57:08.655 --> 00:57:11.146 What do you see, man? I'm blocked. 00:57:11.258 --> 00:57:12.623 Damien, cut! 00:57:14.394 --> 00:57:15.986 Hey, Damien, cut! 00:57:16.830 --> 00:57:18.491 They got Speedman. 00:57:19.066 --> 00:57:20.499 And it doesn't look good. 00:57:53.166 --> 00:57:54.463 I am Tran. 00:57:55.435 --> 00:57:57.596 You are a trespasser in my poppy fields. 00:57:59.006 --> 00:58:01.634 You are D.E.A. Scum! 00:58:03.577 --> 00:58:07.013 Were there some re-writes that I missed? 00:58:13.320 --> 00:58:14.810 Do you want to die? 00:58:15.589 --> 00:58:17.056 - Do you? - No! 00:58:17.157 --> 00:58:21.287 Please, don't hurt me! 00:58:29.169 --> 00:58:30.363 Say that again. 00:58:31.371 --> 00:58:33.168 Please, don't hurt me. 00:58:33.273 --> 00:58:36.367 No! Like you did before! Say it! 00:58:37.344 --> 00:58:38.333 Say it! 00:58:38.445 --> 00:58:42.438 Please, don't hurt me! 00:58:58.065 --> 00:59:00.659 - What? - You are Simple Jack. 00:59:03.637 --> 00:59:05.502 You saw Simple Jack? 00:59:05.605 --> 00:59:07.937 We love the tale of this man, Simple Jack. 00:59:09.643 --> 00:59:11.474 We do not have many luxury here. 00:59:11.578 --> 00:59:14.012 And Simple Jack is the only movie we possess. 00:59:14.114 --> 00:59:17.948 You got the VHS. 00:59:18.051 --> 00:59:20.110 We've watched it many, many times. 00:59:20.220 --> 00:59:22.688 You should've got Oscar. 00:59:25.726 --> 00:59:27.489 Well, you know. It's... 00:59:28.762 --> 00:59:30.024 Just to be nominated... 00:59:30.130 --> 00:59:31.358 You were nominated? 00:59:31.465 --> 00:59:32.989 No, no, no. I wasn't nominated. 00:59:33.100 --> 00:59:36.263 I'm just saying that to have been nominated would have been nice. 00:59:36.370 --> 00:59:38.736 It's just... It's very political. You have to take out ads... 00:59:38.839 --> 00:59:41.330 - Shut up now! - Okay. Okay. 00:59:42.175 --> 00:59:43.904 So, are you going to 00:59:45.545 --> 00:59:47.172 let me go, or... 00:59:47.280 --> 00:59:49.407 No. We'll hold you for ransom. 00:59:49.516 --> 00:59:51.313 Much more money now! 01:00:02.896 --> 01:00:03.885 He's in a meeting. 01:00:03.997 --> 01:00:06.761 Yeah, I know. In about two seconds with the Pecker. 01:00:07.801 --> 01:00:09.666 I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off. 01:00:09.770 --> 01:00:12.432 You wanna talk about trouble? That's trouble. 01:00:12.539 --> 01:00:14.097 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 01:00:16.009 --> 01:00:17.909 What do you need, Peck? 01:00:18.011 --> 01:00:20.639 No, more like what do you need, Les? 01:00:20.747 --> 01:00:21.941 Glasses? 01:00:23.016 --> 01:00:24.074 What? 01:00:24.184 --> 01:00:26.675 So you can read the Tropic Thunder contract 01:00:26.787 --> 01:00:29.187 that guarantees my client, Tugg Speedman, 01:00:29.289 --> 01:00:33.020 some form of digital video recorder on location. 01:00:33.794 --> 01:00:35.921 - Huh? - I can't believe you let him in. 01:00:37.564 --> 01:00:40.397 Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, so why don't you get the hell out of here 01:00:40.500 --> 01:00:43.560 before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass? 01:00:43.670 --> 01:00:45.695 No, not you, Helen. 01:00:45.806 --> 01:00:49.503 But I will rip your tits off if you don't get me those theaters. 01:00:49.609 --> 01:00:51.133 Perfect. 01:00:51.244 --> 01:00:53.678 Hey, Tuggernuts, I've got you on speakerphone. 01:00:53.780 --> 01:00:55.645 I'm standing here with Les Grossman, 01:00:55.749 --> 01:00:58.912 and he is dying to tell you why he's apparently wiped his ass 01:00:59.019 --> 01:01:01.317 with the TiVo clause from your contract. 01:01:02.522 --> 01:01:04.513 We are Flaming Dragon. 01:01:04.624 --> 01:01:06.990 Speedman is with us now. 01:01:07.094 --> 01:01:10.655 For 50 million, you will get him back. 01:01:10.764 --> 01:01:12.925 - Are you gonna get those... - Who is this? 01:01:13.033 --> 01:01:15.729 - And how did you get this phone? - We are Flaming Dragon! 01:01:15.836 --> 01:01:17.736 Simple Jack belong to us now. 01:01:20.474 --> 01:01:22.499 He does, does he? 01:01:22.609 --> 01:01:25.077 Let me tell you something, shitbird. 01:01:25.178 --> 01:01:27.612 I've never even heard of your little agency. 01:01:27.714 --> 01:01:29.682 But if you think you can poach my client... 01:01:29.783 --> 01:01:34.311 Send $50 million, or you no see Simple Jack again because we kill him. 01:01:34.421 --> 01:01:35.911 This is Les Grossman. Who is this? 01:01:36.022 --> 01:01:38.320 This is Flaming Dragon! 01:01:38.425 --> 01:01:41.189 Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface. 01:01:41.294 --> 01:01:46.129 First, take a big step back and literally fuck your own face! 01:01:47.501 --> 01:01:50.231 Now, I don't know what kind of pan-Pacific bullshit power play 01:01:50.337 --> 01:01:52.805 you're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory. 01:01:52.906 --> 01:01:54.203 So whatever you're thinking, you better think again. 01:01:54.307 --> 01:01:55.672 Otherwise, I'm gonna have to head down there, 01:01:55.775 --> 01:01:59.142 and I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you. 01:01:59.246 --> 01:02:00.873 You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations 01:02:00.981 --> 01:02:05.008 and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. 01:02:05.118 --> 01:02:07.712 I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker! 01:02:07.821 --> 01:02:09.584 I will massacre you! 01:02:09.689 --> 01:02:11.623 I will fuck you up! 01:02:19.432 --> 01:02:21.161 - Could you find out who that was? Go. - Yeah. Yeah. 01:02:56.603 --> 01:02:59.595 You wear these. More like Simple Jack teeth. 01:02:59.706 --> 01:03:01.435 Okay. 01:03:01.541 --> 01:03:04.203 Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, and that's great... 01:03:07.280 --> 01:03:08.907 Put teeth in! 01:03:16.022 --> 01:03:17.887 Now do movie. 01:03:17.991 --> 01:03:19.652 The whole movie? 01:03:19.759 --> 01:03:21.420 I can't. I don't know the whole... 01:03:21.528 --> 01:03:24.019 You perform! You perform or die! 01:03:24.764 --> 01:03:26.254 Monkey swine! 01:03:29.169 --> 01:03:30.568 Pa. 01:03:32.539 --> 01:03:33.904 More stupid! 01:03:35.675 --> 01:03:40.738 Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad? 01:03:43.183 --> 01:03:44.514 You saw what I saw. 01:03:44.618 --> 01:03:47.212 Tugg Speedman is dead meat if we don't do something soon. 01:03:47.320 --> 01:03:49.686 Yeah. We could do something by getting our asses back to the hotel, 01:03:49.789 --> 01:03:51.120 which is in the other direction! 01:03:51.224 --> 01:03:52.816 Ain't right. 01:03:52.926 --> 01:03:54.951 What would've happened in The Great Escape 01:03:55.061 --> 01:03:58.895 if Steve McQueen and them dudes had turned tail and ran? 01:03:58.999 --> 01:04:02.992 Well, that's what that movie was about. They were escaping. They ran away. 01:04:03.103 --> 01:04:05.731 I'm trying to agree with you. The point is they did something. 01:04:05.839 --> 01:04:07.033 Then what are we supposed to do, huh? 01:04:07.140 --> 01:04:11.042 'Cause he's cleaning a gun with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan. 01:04:11.144 --> 01:04:14.944 I'm just like a little boy, playing with his dick when he's nervous. 01:04:18.485 --> 01:04:20.976 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 01:04:21.087 --> 01:04:24.147 I got an idea. This might be a little crazy. 01:04:24.257 --> 01:04:26.225 Crazy's better than nothing. 01:04:26.326 --> 01:04:30.285 Back in '98, I did a low-budget titty comedy for Skinemax. 01:04:30.397 --> 01:04:33.730 - Sex Camp. Remember it? - Yeah. 01:04:33.833 --> 01:04:37.792 Anyway, me and the campers from the uncool camp 01:04:37.904 --> 01:04:40.429 had to break into the rich girl camp. 01:04:40.540 --> 01:04:42.235 So, what we did, 01:04:42.342 --> 01:04:45.334 we built a catapult out of logs and underwear, 01:04:45.445 --> 01:04:49.006 and they shot us over the wall, and we parachuted down. 01:04:54.621 --> 01:04:55.986 Look, 01:04:56.089 --> 01:04:59.388 - you guys, we already know the plan. - Fine. 01:04:59.492 --> 01:05:03.861 We do it just like in the book, Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive. 01:05:03.963 --> 01:05:06.363 The book of Tropic Thunder. 01:05:06.466 --> 01:05:08.696 Yeah, did you guys read the book? 01:05:10.003 --> 01:05:12.631 The flap, I read the back flap and saw the pictures. 01:05:13.406 --> 01:05:16.534 Well, it's okay. It's exactly the same as in the script. 01:05:16.643 --> 01:05:17.701 Cool. 01:05:19.679 --> 01:05:22.239 You guys all read the script, right? 01:05:22.349 --> 01:05:24.442 I don't read the script, script reads me. 01:05:25.618 --> 01:05:27.085 What the hell does that even mean? 01:05:27.187 --> 01:05:30.554 What you getting at with the books, scripts? Spit that shit out, man! 01:05:33.893 --> 01:05:35.724 All right. The Wet Offensive. 01:05:36.763 --> 01:05:39.664 Osiris and Fats go undercover as a diversion. 01:05:39.766 --> 01:05:42.098 Motown and Brooklyn sneak in via the river. 01:05:42.202 --> 01:05:44.602 Yeah. But those dudes was trained soldiers. 01:05:46.473 --> 01:05:47.531 Yeah! 01:05:48.608 --> 01:05:51.600 And we trained actors, motherfucker. 01:05:51.711 --> 01:05:56.045 Time to man up. And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. 01:05:56.149 --> 01:05:58.913 Some of us might not even make it back. 01:05:59.018 --> 01:06:02.112 What do you mean? Like not on the same flight? 01:06:04.824 --> 01:06:07.588 Alpa and I's already wearing earth mama's natural night camo. 01:06:07.694 --> 01:06:09.525 - Cool it, Benson. - Sorry. 01:06:10.597 --> 01:06:15.125 We gonna scout, get a plan together. We ain't back in 20, come looking. 01:06:16.636 --> 01:06:18.501 We are Flaming Dragon. 01:06:22.242 --> 01:06:23.436 Okay. 01:06:24.744 --> 01:06:27.838 Flaming Dragon's a heroin manufacturer. 01:06:27.947 --> 01:06:31.041 They're responsible for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia. 01:06:31.151 --> 01:06:34.382 - Huge profit margin. - Guys! 01:06:34.487 --> 01:06:37.422 Would somebody please let me know what the game plan is? 01:06:37.524 --> 01:06:39.253 Peck! We have it handled. 01:06:39.359 --> 01:06:41.850 Please, don't interrupt. Everything's under control. 01:06:41.961 --> 01:06:43.952 I got it. Got it. 01:06:56.075 --> 01:06:58.305 - Les Grossman. - We not get money yet. 01:06:58.845 --> 01:07:00.972 Price now 100 million! 01:07:01.080 --> 01:07:03.913 You pay now, or tomorrow Simple Jack die. 01:07:04.017 --> 01:07:07.077 Great. Let me get this down. 01:07:07.187 --> 01:07:08.620 100 million. 01:07:08.721 --> 01:07:11.189 Wait! I got a better idea. 01:07:11.991 --> 01:07:13.822 Instead of 100 million, 01:07:13.927 --> 01:07:16.663 how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? 01:07:16.896 --> 01:07:19.194 Then you kill him! Do your thing! Skin the fucking bastard! 01:07:19.299 --> 01:07:21.494 Go to town, man! Go to town! 01:07:21.601 --> 01:07:23.762 - No... - In the meantime, and as usual, 01:07:23.870 --> 01:07:25.531 go fuck yourself! 01:07:26.639 --> 01:07:29.199 - No. - We don't negotiate with terrorists. 01:07:31.311 --> 01:07:34.041 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, are you insane? 01:07:34.147 --> 01:07:35.978 - I think I could've done that better. - I thought it was good. 01:07:36.082 --> 01:07:37.379 They're gonna kill him! 01:07:43.256 --> 01:07:46.453 And we'll weep for him, in the press. 01:07:47.360 --> 01:07:50.022 Set up a scholarship in his name. 01:07:50.129 --> 01:07:54.065 Eventually, and I'm talking way, way down the road, 01:07:54.167 --> 01:07:55.657 we file an insurance claim. 01:07:55.768 --> 01:07:58.566 Preferably before the end of the fiscal year. 01:07:58.671 --> 01:08:02.402 Actually, the claim alone would net us more than the movie would lose. 01:08:04.511 --> 01:08:06.274 You can't be serious. 01:08:08.214 --> 01:08:09.909 Let's face it. 01:08:10.016 --> 01:08:14.043 The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher for Purim anymore. 01:08:15.455 --> 01:08:18.447 Speedman is a dying star, 01:08:18.558 --> 01:08:21.789 a white dwarf heading for a black hole. 01:08:21.895 --> 01:08:24.625 That's physics. It's inevitable. 01:08:24.731 --> 01:08:28.064 We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck. 01:08:28.167 --> 01:08:32.001 The universe is talking to us right now. 01:08:32.105 --> 01:08:33.663 You just gotta listen. 01:08:46.786 --> 01:08:50.381 See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun. 01:08:50.490 --> 01:08:51.582 Yeah. 01:08:51.691 --> 01:08:54.854 Ask and you shall receive. 01:08:55.895 --> 01:09:00.025 - All right. - You play ball, we play ball. 01:09:00.133 --> 01:09:03.500 I know you want the goodies. 01:09:03.603 --> 01:09:05.594 Welcome to the goody room. 01:09:05.705 --> 01:09:10.335 You paying attention? 'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker. 01:09:10.443 --> 01:09:11.705 That's how you're gonna roll. 01:09:11.811 --> 01:09:15.770 No more frequent flier bitch miles for my boy. 01:09:15.882 --> 01:09:17.179 Yeah! 01:09:17.684 --> 01:09:18.946 Playa. 01:09:19.819 --> 01:09:21.150 Playa! 01:09:22.188 --> 01:09:23.485 Big dick playa. 01:09:23.590 --> 01:09:25.581 Swinging past your knees! 01:09:25.692 --> 01:09:26.716 Big dick, baby. 01:09:26.826 --> 01:09:28.020 Yep. 01:09:31.364 --> 01:09:33.958 Or you can grow a conscience 01:09:34.067 --> 01:09:36.433 in the next five minutes and see where that takes you. 01:09:41.407 --> 01:09:43.500 Let me get this straight. 01:09:43.610 --> 01:09:47.239 You want me to let my client of 15 years, 01:09:47.347 --> 01:09:48.712 one of my best friends, 01:09:48.815 --> 01:09:53.445 die in the jungle, alone, for some money and a G5? 01:09:54.587 --> 01:09:55.713 Yes. 01:10:00.793 --> 01:10:03.057 A G5 airplane? 01:10:05.164 --> 01:10:06.222 Yes. 01:10:07.300 --> 01:10:09.996 And lots of money. 01:10:11.371 --> 01:10:13.532 Playa. 01:10:16.442 --> 01:10:17.636 Yeah! 01:10:18.878 --> 01:10:21.472 Smack it up, flip it, rub it down! 01:10:24.050 --> 01:10:26.712 But Mama take care of Jack a lot. 01:10:27.553 --> 01:10:31.284 How many more sleeps before she wakes up again? 01:10:31.391 --> 01:10:32.915 Sorry, Jack. 01:10:33.026 --> 01:10:35.290 She in heaven now. 01:10:36.062 --> 01:10:39.327 Damn! I thought the movie was bad. 01:10:39.432 --> 01:10:42.560 She sleep forever. 01:10:42.669 --> 01:10:45.797 To the man's credit, he's actually eased up on the retard throttle. 01:10:45.905 --> 01:10:49.500 And now that's added a balance, and the audience can connect. 01:10:49.609 --> 01:10:53.409 I mean, this is Theater 101, but, you know, he's had a tough road. 01:10:53.513 --> 01:10:54.639 He'll become a naturalist. 01:10:54.747 --> 01:10:56.442 - Yeah. - Break down the aesthetic distance, 01:10:56.549 --> 01:10:58.278 then the... 01:11:00.953 --> 01:11:02.580 Told you I'd tag you back. 01:11:05.258 --> 01:11:07.522 Can I tell you that I'm sorry 01:11:07.627 --> 01:11:09.925 for any offense I might've caused, man? 01:11:10.029 --> 01:11:12.395 - I just got caught up in... - In being a dumbass? 01:11:12.498 --> 01:11:13.897 I guess so. 01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:16.696 Why you still doing this Chicken George shit, I have no idea. 01:11:16.803 --> 01:11:18.100 - Neither do I. - It's beyond me. 01:11:18.204 --> 01:11:20.399 - It's beyond me. - You confused. 01:11:20.506 --> 01:11:22.440 - I am a little confused. - I know. 01:11:24.043 --> 01:11:25.840 But are we cool? 01:11:25.945 --> 01:11:27.276 Not really. 01:11:31.084 --> 01:11:32.676 Hey, man. 01:11:32.785 --> 01:11:34.480 - How's it going? - Good. Yourself? 01:11:34.587 --> 01:11:36.612 Hey, so, if it's no big deal, 01:11:36.723 --> 01:11:39.590 I think I'm just gonna hang back here for the mission. 01:11:39.692 --> 01:11:41.319 Watch the stuff. 01:11:41.427 --> 01:11:43.452 - Is that cool? - What? No! 01:11:43.563 --> 01:11:45.463 We need you, Jeff. 01:11:45.565 --> 01:11:47.157 What are you talking about? 01:11:47.266 --> 01:11:48.824 Okay, look, man. 01:11:50.069 --> 01:11:52.367 - I got something to tell you. - Okay. 01:11:54.607 --> 01:11:57.337 You know those jellybeans I was eating? 01:11:57.443 --> 01:12:00.537 Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay? 01:12:01.447 --> 01:12:04.245 - They were drugs. - Really? 01:12:04.350 --> 01:12:08.719 I get down there near the mother lode, I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man. 01:12:08.821 --> 01:12:11.756 I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin in the fucking world. 01:12:15.061 --> 01:12:19.225 If you guys wanna make it through this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree. 01:12:20.600 --> 01:12:24.366 - Are you serious? - Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree. 01:12:24.470 --> 01:12:27.337 And you can, no matter what, you can't fucking untie me until it is done, 01:12:27.440 --> 01:12:28.998 until it is out of my system. 01:12:29.108 --> 01:12:30.735 I'm gonna say, "Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool. 01:12:30.843 --> 01:12:32.401 "I'm finally better. I'm finally better. Untie me." 01:12:32.512 --> 01:12:35.709 Don't listen to me! Anything I fucking say is a lie! 01:12:35.815 --> 01:12:37.146 You got it! 01:12:37.817 --> 01:12:39.876 Goodbye, Mama! 01:12:39.986 --> 01:12:43.114 Now you can have ice cream in heaven. 01:12:43.222 --> 01:12:48.182 I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed, in my head movies. 01:12:49.128 --> 01:12:53.724 But this head movie makes my eyes rain. 01:13:02.775 --> 01:13:06.006 Dang. Gilligan catching a kidney shot. 01:13:07.880 --> 01:13:10.678 - They got him on the move! - That's torture, man. 01:13:10.817 --> 01:13:13.684 Okay. That's where they keeping him. 01:13:13.786 --> 01:13:15.981 I gotta get cracking on my costume. 01:13:16.088 --> 01:13:17.487 Say, are you good with a needle and thread? 01:13:17.590 --> 01:13:18.614 Hell, yeah. 01:13:18.724 --> 01:13:22.057 Alpa Chino chinos sold more than five million pairs last spring at the Gap. 01:13:22.161 --> 01:13:24.857 - I sewed them patterns myself, baby. - Let's roll out. 01:13:56.863 --> 01:13:59.093 It's a little twig man Oscar. 01:14:05.705 --> 01:14:08.105 I'm going to call you Half Squat. 01:14:09.809 --> 01:14:11.777 And you can call me 01:14:12.845 --> 01:14:14.142 Papa. 01:14:37.637 --> 01:14:39.366 Wow, look at all those stars. 01:14:41.340 --> 01:14:43.308 Really makes a guy feel pretty small. 01:14:44.844 --> 01:14:47.246 This could be the last time we look at these stars. 01:14:48.381 --> 01:14:49.848 Man, that's beauty. 01:14:51.784 --> 01:14:54.844 Nights like tonight make a man wonder what it's all about. 01:14:54.954 --> 01:14:57.252 Hey, you guys. Anybody got some bug spray? 01:14:59.091 --> 01:15:00.217 Don't ignore me! 01:15:00.326 --> 01:15:03.193 Stick it out, man. We're gonna get through this. 01:15:04.330 --> 01:15:06.389 - Hey, Kirk? - Yeah? 01:15:06.499 --> 01:15:09.332 Are you still dating Jennifer Love Hewitt? 01:15:09.435 --> 01:15:10.834 'Cause I think she's hot. 01:15:10.937 --> 01:15:14.304 No, that was just some tabloid conjecture. 01:15:14.407 --> 01:15:18.400 Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. You can untie me now. 01:15:19.478 --> 01:15:20.809 Funny, huh? 01:15:20.913 --> 01:15:23.814 The circus life 280 days a year on location. 01:15:25.051 --> 01:15:27.952 It's hard to find a girl that can hang with that, you know? 01:15:29.755 --> 01:15:31.814 Not one worth keeping, nohow. 01:15:31.924 --> 01:15:34.222 Hey, Radar? Evans? 01:15:34.327 --> 01:15:35.385 No, it's Kevin. 01:15:35.494 --> 01:15:37.223 Kev, whatever the fuck. Come over here. 01:15:37.330 --> 01:15:39.560 I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three is coming down the pike, 01:15:39.665 --> 01:15:43.157 and there's a role in there for you if you come over and untie me. 01:15:43.269 --> 01:15:45.829 Jeff, you're just going to have to tough it out. 01:15:45.938 --> 01:15:47.906 Your mother's a cankerous whore! 01:15:48.007 --> 01:15:49.338 Jesus, man. 01:15:50.376 --> 01:15:51.843 Hey, man. 01:15:51.944 --> 01:15:54.845 Remember way back when I said your mother was a cankerous whore? 01:15:54.947 --> 01:15:58.348 I'm sorry, man. I did not mean that. She's not. 01:15:58.451 --> 01:16:00.146 How about you, man? 01:16:00.286 --> 01:16:02.720 You got some little minx waiting for you on the other side of tomorrow? 01:16:02.822 --> 01:16:04.289 Me? 01:16:04.390 --> 01:16:07.154 I've barely even had a girlfriend, and... 01:16:07.994 --> 01:16:11.657 I was really hoping I'd get laid when this movie came out, 01:16:11.764 --> 01:16:14.164 but that's not gonna happen. 01:16:15.034 --> 01:16:16.501 What about you, Masterblaster? 01:16:16.602 --> 01:16:19.230 You got a certain someone you trying to get with back in the States? 01:16:19.338 --> 01:16:24.071 What, Alpa Chino? He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7. 01:16:24.176 --> 01:16:25.404 No. You missing me, man. 01:16:25.511 --> 01:16:27.308 I'm talking about something special. Big difference. 01:16:27.413 --> 01:16:28.607 How about it? 01:16:29.382 --> 01:16:30.508 Yeah. 01:16:31.917 --> 01:16:33.885 Yeah, there is. 01:16:33.986 --> 01:16:37.319 Well? What's the skinny? Y'all been on a date or what? 01:16:37.423 --> 01:16:39.323 No. I mean... 01:16:39.425 --> 01:16:44.260 I always wanted to, but I guess I just never had the courage to ask. 01:16:44.363 --> 01:16:46.058 It's... It's complicated. 01:16:46.165 --> 01:16:48.599 No! It's simple as pie, man. 01:16:48.701 --> 01:16:51.295 You plant your feet in the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say, 01:16:51.404 --> 01:16:55.033 "Hey, baby, you and me's going on a date." That's the end of story. 01:16:55.141 --> 01:16:57.837 - What's her name? - Lance. 01:16:57.943 --> 01:16:59.706 "Listen here, Lance..." 01:17:00.579 --> 01:17:04.379 Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance? 01:17:04.483 --> 01:17:06.212 - Did you say "Lance"? - No! 01:17:06.318 --> 01:17:08.252 - That sounded like "Lance." - No, I said "Nance." 01:17:08.354 --> 01:17:10.515 - That's what I said, "Nance." - It sounded like "Lance." 01:17:10.623 --> 01:17:12.147 Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay? 01:17:12.258 --> 01:17:13.919 I love the pussy! All right? 01:17:14.026 --> 01:17:15.926 Lay your ass back down and look at the stars. 01:17:16.062 --> 01:17:17.393 When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy 01:17:17.496 --> 01:17:20.863 was you thinking of dangling your dice on Lance's forehead? 01:17:20.966 --> 01:17:23.332 Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look. 01:17:23.436 --> 01:17:26.371 - Man, everyone's gay once in a while. - I'm not gay! 01:17:26.472 --> 01:17:27.496 This Hollywood. 01:17:27.606 --> 01:17:28.664 How about we all get back to work? 01:17:28.774 --> 01:17:30.435 - Okay. Cool. - This is ridiculous! 01:17:30.543 --> 01:17:33.444 We got a big day tomorrow. Let's get focused. 01:17:36.015 --> 01:17:40.850 Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick right now. 01:17:40.953 --> 01:17:44.184 I told you, for the last time, I love the pussy! 01:17:45.558 --> 01:17:48.391 I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, 01:17:48.494 --> 01:17:51.588 work the pipe and swallow the gravy. 01:17:51.697 --> 01:17:53.756 Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this. 01:18:00.339 --> 01:18:01.397 Okay, so, what's the plan? 01:18:01.507 --> 01:18:02.906 Are you gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes? 01:18:03.008 --> 01:18:04.771 No. No. Mandarin Chinese. 01:18:04.877 --> 01:18:06.572 Which, from what I can tell, is what they speaking down there. 01:18:06.679 --> 01:18:08.237 How the hell do you know Chinese? 01:18:08.347 --> 01:18:11.805 Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. 01:18:11.917 --> 01:18:15.876 Prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months. 01:18:15.988 --> 01:18:17.922 That might be our ride. 01:18:27.733 --> 01:18:28.961 The straps are too tight! 01:18:29.068 --> 01:18:31.434 Shut your mouth and follow my lead. 01:19:24.290 --> 01:19:25.484 Okay. 01:19:27.693 --> 01:19:29.251 All right. 01:19:29.361 --> 01:19:31.761 That looks like it could be the munitions hut right there. 01:19:31.864 --> 01:19:33.923 I'm gonna try to find Speedman in the main building. 01:19:53.419 --> 01:19:55.011 Get over here! 01:19:56.388 --> 01:19:57.946 - What are you guys doing here? - He has hands. 01:19:58.057 --> 01:20:00.457 - He killed Damien. - Bullshit! 01:20:00.559 --> 01:20:03.050 - He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. - Almost! 01:20:03.162 --> 01:20:06.359 What are you talking about? Damien stepped on a old landmine. 01:20:06.465 --> 01:20:08.023 Sweet. Thank God. 01:20:08.133 --> 01:20:10.328 - We busting Speedman out. - Speedman's here? 01:20:19.812 --> 01:20:21.336 They got my boom boom up here. 01:20:21.447 --> 01:20:24.041 I take it y'all are doing the Wet Offensive from the book. 01:20:24.149 --> 01:20:25.411 I can give y'all a diversion. 01:20:25.517 --> 01:20:29.453 I got enough shit here to light this place up like it's the Fourth of fucking July. 01:21:10.929 --> 01:21:13.397 Yes, your farm. 01:21:17.770 --> 01:21:20.170 Where is your farm, 01:21:21.740 --> 01:21:23.207 American? 01:21:26.045 --> 01:21:27.307 My farm? 01:21:29.248 --> 01:21:30.510 Oh, shit. 01:21:31.283 --> 01:21:34.480 Here's my motherfucking farm! 01:21:34.586 --> 01:21:36.076 Yeah! 01:21:41.026 --> 01:21:44.018 Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby! 01:21:45.030 --> 01:21:46.224 Kwan-Lo! 01:21:47.733 --> 01:21:49.633 I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker! 01:21:50.135 --> 01:21:51.295 Yeah! 01:21:52.871 --> 01:21:56.068 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your head down! 01:21:56.175 --> 01:21:58.439 Keep your head down on the ground! 01:21:58.544 --> 01:22:00.705 Nobody move or I do the little big guy! 01:22:00.813 --> 01:22:04.249 That's right, we running this program now, J.P. 01:22:04.350 --> 01:22:06.978 Now show me where the drugs are. 01:22:07.086 --> 01:22:08.883 What the fuck? 01:22:08.987 --> 01:22:10.682 That ain't the plan! 01:22:10.789 --> 01:22:12.484 Don't judge me! 01:22:16.161 --> 01:22:17.924 He's got a real serious problem. 01:22:18.731 --> 01:22:20.995 Hey! Hey, you! 01:22:21.100 --> 01:22:23.295 Take off your clothes! 01:22:23.402 --> 01:22:25.063 Take off your clothes! 01:22:25.170 --> 01:22:26.467 What do we do now? 01:22:26.572 --> 01:22:28.403 Stick with the plan. Find Speedman. 01:22:28.507 --> 01:22:30.907 Alpa, keep this clown posse down. Come on now. 01:22:31.009 --> 01:22:34.376 Y'all heard the man. Be suede, don't move! 01:22:34.480 --> 01:22:36.380 Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag. 01:22:36.482 --> 01:22:38.973 - Door! - One, two, three! 01:22:52.264 --> 01:22:54.095 I go high, you go low. 01:22:58.470 --> 01:23:02.338 Get down. Get down! Get down! Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down! 01:23:02.441 --> 01:23:05.740 If I see one more head pop up, it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole. 01:23:07.312 --> 01:23:08.745 Come on, come on! 01:23:08.847 --> 01:23:10.838 - Smoke grenade. - Don't drop it now. 01:23:11.517 --> 01:23:13.075 Here. 01:23:13.185 --> 01:23:15.585 - What's this? - I don't know what it's called. 01:23:15.687 --> 01:23:18.281 I just know the sound it makes when it lies. 01:23:18.390 --> 01:23:21.917 Don't move, Matchbox, or I will shoot you. 01:23:22.027 --> 01:23:24.894 I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move. 01:23:24.997 --> 01:23:26.726 I can still see you. 01:23:32.871 --> 01:23:33.963 Tugg! 01:23:36.508 --> 01:23:37.668 Tugg? 01:23:39.745 --> 01:23:40.939 Gotcha. 01:23:42.114 --> 01:23:45.015 Roll your shit up, man. We going home. 01:23:45.117 --> 01:23:46.243 Home? 01:23:48.387 --> 01:23:52.221 But I'm doing five shows a day for a standing-room-only crowd. 01:23:52.324 --> 01:23:54.884 Don't you get it? I already am home. 01:23:57.196 --> 01:24:00.324 All right, now, dude, you gotta get it... 01:24:00.432 --> 01:24:02.627 My son gave this to me. 01:24:02.734 --> 01:24:06.226 - That's your stick buddy? - His name is Twigman. 01:24:06.338 --> 01:24:08.169 Does he wanna come with us? 01:24:28.427 --> 01:24:30.190 Get the hell down! 01:24:30.295 --> 01:24:33.355 What you doing? What you doing? Don't touch that gun. 01:24:33.465 --> 01:24:34.864 Don't do it! Don't touch that gun! 01:24:34.967 --> 01:24:37.265 On my momma, if you touch that gun... 01:24:41.907 --> 01:24:44.307 - Oh, shit, it's on! - Over here! 01:25:15.641 --> 01:25:17.700 Shadow me, Pinocchio! 01:25:17.809 --> 01:25:19.037 Smoke! 01:25:24.883 --> 01:25:26.578 Oh, shit! 01:25:31.423 --> 01:25:32.947 Jeff, don't! 01:25:33.792 --> 01:25:35.783 It doesn't matter what I do. 01:25:35.894 --> 01:25:38.863 I'll always be a screw-up. No one'll ever respect me. 01:25:38.964 --> 01:25:42.957 That is not true, you are not a screw-up! You make so many people laugh. 01:25:43.068 --> 01:25:45.298 They only laugh at my farts. 01:25:45.404 --> 01:25:47.395 Jeff, we really need to go now! 01:25:47.506 --> 01:25:49.098 This is all I deserve! 01:26:09.261 --> 01:26:11.491 Laugh at that, you bastards! 01:26:11.597 --> 01:26:14.998 Hilarious! Hilarious! 01:26:16.535 --> 01:26:19.368 Let's move. We only have 16 hours before they wake up. 01:26:26.979 --> 01:26:28.571 Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing. 01:26:28.680 --> 01:26:31.615 These assholes are gonna be crawling in here ready to fucking eat us. 01:26:34.553 --> 01:26:37.420 There. All right, you keep six right here. 01:26:39.358 --> 01:26:41.519 Come on, let's go. 01:26:41.627 --> 01:26:43.561 Come on, what are you guys doing? Let's get out of here! 01:26:43.662 --> 01:26:45.323 He's on tilt status. 01:26:45.430 --> 01:26:49.389 Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. 01:26:49.501 --> 01:26:51.594 They found me in an alley in Burbank 01:26:51.703 --> 01:26:54.934 trying to re-enter the Earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. 01:27:00.445 --> 01:27:02.675 Give me the flame thrower. You gotta start the chopper. 01:27:02.781 --> 01:27:06.217 - No, fuck that! Just give me this. - No time! I'll take care of this! 01:27:07.452 --> 01:27:09.352 All right. Give me your hooks. 01:27:09.454 --> 01:27:11.081 Don't worry, I'm not gonna put them on again. 01:27:11.189 --> 01:27:14.022 - Just give me your goddamn hooks. - All right. Here. 01:27:14.126 --> 01:27:16.287 Get those boys back to the bird, pronto! 01:27:21.233 --> 01:27:23.394 Shit! Enough! 01:27:23.502 --> 01:27:25.402 Fake shit! 01:27:28.507 --> 01:27:29.633 Fuck! 01:27:37.349 --> 01:27:40.512 Go get your guys! Get them to the chopper! 01:27:40.619 --> 01:27:42.712 I'll take care of these yahoos! 01:27:44.756 --> 01:27:47.020 You're gonna focus up now, motherfucker, and say it. 01:27:47.125 --> 01:27:49.252 - "It's me, Tugg!" - It's me, Tugg. 01:27:49.361 --> 01:27:50.828 That's right! Now, Tugg who? 01:27:50.929 --> 01:27:53.727 - Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? - Me? 01:27:53.832 --> 01:27:55.527 I know who I am! 01:27:55.634 --> 01:27:59.365 I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude. 01:27:59.471 --> 01:28:00.529 What? 01:28:00.639 --> 01:28:02.732 You a dude that don't know what dude he is! 01:28:02.841 --> 01:28:05.537 Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is 01:28:05.644 --> 01:28:06.906 and claims to know what dude he is... 01:28:07.012 --> 01:28:08.747 What the fuck are you guys talking about? 01:28:08.880 --> 01:28:09.972 ...by playing other dudes? 01:28:10.082 --> 01:28:11.276 I know what dude I am! 01:28:11.383 --> 01:28:14.181 - You're scared. - I ain't scared. Scared of what? 01:28:14.286 --> 01:28:15.548 Or scared of who? 01:28:15.654 --> 01:28:18.248 - Scared of who? - Come on, guys. We really need to go! 01:28:18.356 --> 01:28:19.618 Scared of you. 01:28:24.529 --> 01:28:26.861 - Jesus. - What's going on? 01:28:26.965 --> 01:28:28.489 The dudes are emerging. 01:28:28.600 --> 01:28:29.931 He's right, you know. 01:28:31.703 --> 01:28:33.102 I am not 01:28:34.673 --> 01:28:36.368 Sergeant Lincoln Osiris. 01:28:40.779 --> 01:28:42.246 We gotta roll out. 01:28:42.347 --> 01:28:45.578 Nor am I Father O'Malley. 01:28:47.819 --> 01:28:50.754 Or Neil Armstrong. 01:28:58.330 --> 01:29:00.491 I think I might be nobody. 01:29:01.900 --> 01:29:03.060 Wow! 01:29:03.168 --> 01:29:05.830 The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous! 01:29:07.105 --> 01:29:10.074 - Everybody's got issues! - Yeah, man, everybody got issues. 01:29:10.175 --> 01:29:12.735 Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus. 01:29:12.844 --> 01:29:15.005 You're the whole reason I got into acting. 01:29:15.113 --> 01:29:16.944 I memorized every single monologue 01:29:17.048 --> 01:29:19.642 you ever did when I was in theater school. 01:29:19.751 --> 01:29:21.776 - Really? - Yeah. And look, Tugg! 01:29:21.887 --> 01:29:24.321 I saw Scorcher I 24 times when I was in eighth grade. 01:29:24.422 --> 01:29:27.391 That shit blew me away! I got high to that shit! You the man! 01:29:27.492 --> 01:29:30.620 Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great. Let's get the fuck out of here! 01:29:30.729 --> 01:29:34.859 Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece of the puzzle, buddy. 01:29:34.966 --> 01:29:37.958 We need you! Your men need you! Are you with us? 01:29:42.307 --> 01:29:44.298 I'm a rooster illusion. 01:29:44.409 --> 01:29:45.603 Fuck it. We'll deal with him later. 01:29:45.710 --> 01:29:48.873 Let's move. Come on. Come on. Double time. Gotta go! 01:29:51.416 --> 01:29:53.213 Come on, come on, come on. 01:29:56.988 --> 01:29:58.922 Bingo! Move out. 01:30:00.859 --> 01:30:02.224 Oh, God. 01:30:04.196 --> 01:30:07.063 Just say no to this, you drug-making midget. 01:30:11.636 --> 01:30:13.103 Gotta hold on! 01:30:19.277 --> 01:30:20.642 Four Leaf! 01:30:25.383 --> 01:30:26.714 You grew hands? 01:30:35.961 --> 01:30:37.485 RPG, gentlemen! 01:30:40.265 --> 01:30:41.789 Where are you going? 01:30:47.305 --> 01:30:49.830 Oh, my God. I am moving to catering after this. 01:31:11.863 --> 01:31:13.194 My ass! 01:31:16.434 --> 01:31:17.765 My ass! 01:31:19.371 --> 01:31:22.636 Hey, yo! We gotta get our shit together, Tugg! 01:31:22.741 --> 01:31:24.971 We gotta get his cracker ass to the chopper! 01:31:25.076 --> 01:31:29.376 Are you still crazy? We gotta get Candisky to the chopper! 01:31:29.481 --> 01:31:30.948 It's Sandusky. 01:31:32.817 --> 01:31:36.116 - Kevin Sandusky. - That's my name. 01:31:36.221 --> 01:31:37.813 You remembered my name. 01:31:37.923 --> 01:31:39.948 Alpa, go help Cody. 01:31:40.058 --> 01:31:42.049 Portnoy, get Sandusky back to the chopper. Go! 01:31:42.160 --> 01:31:43.991 - I got him! - Let's go! 01:31:45.430 --> 01:31:46.954 Let's get out of here! 01:31:58.843 --> 01:32:00.333 Hey, Leaf! 01:32:00.445 --> 01:32:01.673 - Leaf! - Yeah. 01:32:01.780 --> 01:32:02.769 Hit the plunger 01:32:02.881 --> 01:32:04.075 - as soon as they clear the bridge! - Got it! 01:32:05.750 --> 01:32:08.184 Come on! Get in the chopper! 01:32:09.020 --> 01:32:11.818 - Come on! Move! - Kirk! Wait! 01:32:14.526 --> 01:32:17.620 - What the hell is he doing? - Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge! 01:32:17.729 --> 01:32:18.923 Leaf's about to blow the bridge. Come on! 01:32:19.030 --> 01:32:21.624 You don't have to! You don't have to! I'm staying. 01:32:21.733 --> 01:32:23.223 No, I can't let you do that, mate. We gotta go. 01:32:23.335 --> 01:32:25.860 No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy. They'll listen to me. 01:32:25.971 --> 01:32:28.804 I know it sounds weird, but I have a connection with them. 01:32:28.907 --> 01:32:32.741 - Get over here! - I have a son now. Little Half Squat. 01:32:32.844 --> 01:32:34.402 Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat? 01:32:34.512 --> 01:32:36.742 He's my son. He's my boy! 01:32:36.848 --> 01:32:39.282 He needs me. I have to go back to him. 01:32:42.420 --> 01:32:44.081 You tell the world what happened here. 01:32:44.189 --> 01:32:46.020 What happened here? 01:32:46.124 --> 01:32:48.354 I don't know, but you need to tell them. 01:32:50.729 --> 01:32:52.560 I got this. 01:32:52.664 --> 01:32:53.824 Tugg! 01:32:54.532 --> 01:32:58.093 You take care of the boys! I'll deal with these guys. 01:32:59.504 --> 01:33:03.099 Where is he going? We're gonna fucking die! 01:33:03.208 --> 01:33:05.836 Laz, come on. He joined the circus. Let's go. 01:33:05.944 --> 01:33:07.138 - You've got hands. - Yeah. 01:33:07.245 --> 01:33:09.372 - Fuck! You've got hands? - Come on! 01:33:10.448 --> 01:33:11.574 - Come on! - Get in! 01:33:11.683 --> 01:33:13.310 - Come on! - He's staying? 01:33:13.418 --> 01:33:15.682 Go! He's a lost cause, mate! Get out of here! 01:33:20.258 --> 01:33:24.752 I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge! 01:33:30.602 --> 01:33:32.001 I got this. 01:33:32.670 --> 01:33:34.103 Leaf, no! 01:34:18.249 --> 01:34:20.877 It's over! He's gone! 01:34:20.985 --> 01:34:23.044 Cody! We gotta go! 01:34:25.056 --> 01:34:26.250 Look. 01:34:48.880 --> 01:34:50.211 Think he's done. 01:34:50.315 --> 01:34:51.543 Cover me! 01:34:52.617 --> 01:34:55.552 - Come on! - Wait, come back! 01:34:55.653 --> 01:34:57.382 How do we cover him? 01:35:01.626 --> 01:35:04.963 All right, game over. Come on, mate. Come on. 01:35:05.130 --> 01:35:07.724 - You all right, man? - I'm cold. 01:35:07.832 --> 01:35:09.823 I can't feel my legs. 01:35:09.934 --> 01:35:12.869 No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? There's a puddle right there. 01:35:12.971 --> 01:35:14.165 - No worries. - Good. 01:35:14.272 --> 01:35:15.569 Come on, we gotta split, man. 01:35:15.673 --> 01:35:17.971 - You guys came back for me. - Course. 01:35:18.076 --> 01:35:20.408 Hey! I want you to know something. 01:35:20.512 --> 01:35:21.706 What? 01:35:22.881 --> 01:35:24.678 I know who you are. 01:35:26.784 --> 01:35:28.547 You're my friend. 01:35:30.822 --> 01:35:32.449 You're my brother. 01:35:33.324 --> 01:35:36.157 But like a really cool brother, you know? 01:35:36.261 --> 01:35:37.626 Like a brother where there was no animosity or... 01:35:37.729 --> 01:35:40.562 Don't look now, you got some real tears going. 01:35:40.665 --> 01:35:41.654 Really? 01:35:41.766 --> 01:35:43.256 That's the stuff that accolades are made of. 01:35:43.368 --> 01:35:44.835 Jesus, let's go, man! 01:35:44.936 --> 01:35:46.403 All right? 01:35:47.972 --> 01:35:49.405 Upsy-daisy. 01:35:51.176 --> 01:35:54.168 Come on! Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go! 01:35:56.314 --> 01:35:57.611 Get in! Get in! 01:35:57.715 --> 01:35:59.740 Come on! Here we go! 01:36:02.287 --> 01:36:05.085 Tuggernuts! I got it! 01:36:07.458 --> 01:36:09.756 - Tugger! - Rick! 01:36:12.363 --> 01:36:13.591 What the fuck? 01:36:13.698 --> 01:36:15.325 I got the TiVo! 01:36:16.234 --> 01:36:20.637 My friend wants a TiVo, my friend gets a TiVo! 01:36:25.810 --> 01:36:27.072 Oh, shit! 01:37:03.915 --> 01:37:05.940 And the Oscar goes to... 01:37:08.686 --> 01:37:10.984 Yes! Tugg Speedman. 01:37:12.624 --> 01:37:15.320 "Tropic Blunder, The True Story Behind the Making 01:37:15.426 --> 01:37:17.951 "of the Most Expensive Fake True War Story Ever." 01:37:19.530 --> 01:37:20.656 Yeah! 01:37:25.370 --> 01:37:27.270 Yeah, you son of a bitch! 01:37:46.591 --> 01:37:50.960 Eight Oscars, $400 million 01:37:51.062 --> 01:37:54.293 and you saved Tugg Speedman's career. 01:37:54.399 --> 01:37:57.266 I couldn't have done it without you, Slolom. 01:37:59.304 --> 01:38:00.396 Really? 01:38:00.505 --> 01:38:02.496 No, dickhead, of course I could. 01:38:02.607 --> 01:38:05.269 - A nutless monkey could do your job. - Well, I... 01:38:05.376 --> 01:38:08.277 Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties. 01:38:08.379 --> 01:38:11.075 - I would never do that to... - Joking. 01:38:11.182 --> 01:38:12.547 - Yeah? - Yeah. 01:38:12.650 --> 01:38:14.845 Very... Okay, there he is. 01:38:14.952 --> 01:38:16.442 - There he is. Okay. - Go have fun. 01:38:16.554 --> 01:38:18.078 All right. We're having a... 01:38:18.189 --> 01:38:20.589 Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les. Thank you. You have a good night... 01:38:20.692 --> 01:38:23.092 But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job. 01:38:23.194 --> 01:38:24.923 Good. Thank you, sir.