From 54ba810ec3b9693fc9ce486b9296904596d85f2a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Aevann Date: Fri, 3 Nov 2023 20:45:51 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] change vtts --- files/assets/1.vtt | 7933 +++++++++++++++----------------------- files/assets/2.vtt | 9025 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++------------------ 2 files changed, 8436 insertions(+), 8522 deletions(-) diff --git a/files/assets/1.vtt b/files/assets/1.vtt index 4dfa105fc..68e298dbf 100644 --- a/files/assets/1.vtt +++ b/files/assets/1.vtt @@ -1,5883 +1,3982 @@ WEBVTT -00:01:42.716 --> 00:01:44.385 -All the food's gonna go bad +00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:15.000 +Created and Encoded by -- Bokutox -- of www.YIFY-TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. -00:01:47.053 --> 00:01:48.304 -Yeah, I drew up a list +00:01:20.288 --> 00:01:21.830 +My name Borat. -00:01:48.388 --> 00:01:51.641 -I'll hit the store -before it gets all bought out +00:01:21.915 --> 00:01:25.542 +I like you. I like sex. -00:01:54.394 --> 00:01:55.395 -Fuck +00:01:25.627 --> 00:01:28.003 +It's nice. -00:01:55.478 --> 00:01:57.939 -- Can you save it? -- No. No way +00:01:28.129 --> 00:01:30.881 +This my country of Kazakhstan. -00:01:58.022 --> 00:02:00.608 -No, I gotta start over from scratch +00:01:31.007 --> 00:01:32.925 +It locate between Tajikistan +and Kyrgyzstan -00:02:00.692 --> 00:02:02.944 -I'll call the studio -when the phones get back up, +00:01:32.926 --> 00:01:33.884 +KAZAKHSTAN +TAJIKISTAN -00:02:03.027 --> 00:02:04.612 -see if they can extend my deadline +00:01:33.885 --> 00:01:34.176 +KAZAKHSTAN -00:02:05.864 --> 00:02:07.490 -What choice do they have? +00:01:34.177 --> 00:01:34.760 +KAZAKHSTAN +KYRGYZSTAN -00:02:10.201 --> 00:02:11.160 -You kiddin'? +00:01:34.844 --> 00:01:35.469 +and assholes Uzbekistan. -00:02:11.244 --> 00:02:14.079 -They could whip up some bad -Photoshop poster in an afternoon +00:01:35.470 --> 00:01:35.761 +KAZAKHSTAN -00:02:14.162 --> 00:02:16.415 -They do it all the time -Two big heads +00:01:35.762 --> 00:01:37.846 +KAZAKHSTAN +UZBEKISTAN -00:02:16.498 --> 00:02:18.375 -I should have brought it downstairs -with me last night +00:01:37.931 --> 00:01:40.432 +This my town of Kuzcek. -00:02:18.458 --> 00:02:20.127 -Just stupid, I guess +00:01:40.517 --> 00:01:43.685 +This Urkin, the town rapist. -00:02:20.210 --> 00:02:22.170 -Well, sweetie, -you couldn't exactly know +00:01:43.770 --> 00:01:46.772 +Naughty, naughty. -00:02:22.254 --> 00:02:24.214 -that a tree was gonna come flying -through the window +00:01:46.856 --> 00:01:50.609 +Over here, our town kindergarten. -00:02:24.256 --> 00:02:25.716 -Yeah, I'll hit the hardware store too, +00:01:50.693 --> 00:01:53.779 +And here live Mukhtar Sakanov, -00:02:25.757 --> 00:02:27.342 -get some plastic sheeting -and duct tape +00:01:53.863 --> 00:01:56.573 +town mechanic and abortionist. -00:02:27.384 --> 00:02:29.553 -and seal this up -before it gets dark, you know +00:01:58.034 --> 00:02:01.620 +This my house. Entry, please. -00:02:29.636 --> 00:02:31.221 -Order in some new glass +00:02:01.704 --> 00:02:04.706 +He is my neighbor, Nursultan Tulyakbay. -00:02:32.723 --> 00:02:34.057 -Oh, you know what? -That was your... +00:02:04.791 --> 00:02:06.917 +He is pain in my assholes. -00:02:34.099 --> 00:02:36.685 -that was your grandfather's tree, -the one he planted +00:02:07.001 --> 00:02:10.587 +I get a window from a glass, +he must get a window from a glass. -00:02:36.727 --> 00:02:39.479 -Used to play in that tree +00:02:10.672 --> 00:02:13.382 +I get a step, he must get a step. -00:02:39.563 --> 00:02:40.689 -It's just stuff, though +00:02:13.466 --> 00:02:16.635 +I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. -00:02:40.772 --> 00:02:43.316 -You know, we're safe -That's all that counts +00:02:16.719 --> 00:02:18.637 +Great success. -00:02:43.399 --> 00:02:44.525 -Yeah +00:02:18.721 --> 00:02:21.306 +This is Natalya. -00:02:44.609 --> 00:02:46.110 -Mom, Dad, you gotta come see! +00:02:26.855 --> 00:02:29.356 +She is my sister. -00:02:46.193 --> 00:02:47.904 -Hey, Billy, take it easy, -all right? +00:02:29.440 --> 00:02:33.861 +She is number four prostitute +in all of Kazakhstan. -00:02:47.987 --> 00:02:49.697 -I really don’t want you running -all over the place +00:02:33.945 --> 00:02:35.487 +Nice. -00:02:49.780 --> 00:02:50.865 -But you gotta come look +00:02:35.572 --> 00:02:37.948 +This is my mother. -00:02:50.948 --> 00:02:53.951 -The boathouse is all bashed! -Holy crap! +00:02:38.032 --> 00:02:41.201 +She oldest woman in whole of Kuzcek. -00:02:54.035 --> 00:02:55.203 -Billy +00:02:41.286 --> 00:02:46.039 +She is 43. I love her. -00:02:55.244 --> 00:02:58.331 -Sorry, Mom, but you just -gotta come! Come on! +00:02:46.124 --> 00:02:50.878 +And this my wife, Oxana. She's boring. -00:03:01.334 --> 00:03:03.252 -Come on +00:02:50.962 --> 00:02:52.796 +What you say about me, +you skinny piece of shit? -00:03:03.336 --> 00:03:05.254 -Having spoken, -the Doomsayer departs +00:02:52.881 --> 00:02:54.047 +Not now, please. -00:03:05.338 --> 00:03:07.924 -Come on! +00:02:54.132 --> 00:02:55.465 +Why don't you do something +useful and dig your mother a grave. -00:03:08.007 --> 00:03:10.008 -How do you two always manage -to make me laugh? +00:02:55.550 --> 00:02:58.302 +Come in here, please. Ignore. -00:03:11.009 --> 00:03:13.720 -You have incredibly low standards +00:02:58.386 --> 00:03:02.639 +And this is where I lives. My bed. -00:03:13.803 --> 00:03:16.848 -Let's go, uh, see the damage +00:03:02.724 --> 00:03:06.810 +This is a VCR recorder. -00:03:16.932 --> 00:03:17.891 -No +00:03:06.895 --> 00:03:09.771 +And this play cassettes. -00:03:22.854 --> 00:03:24.898 -- Norton's tree -- Yeah +00:03:09.856 --> 00:03:13.066 +Now I show you outside from my houses. -00:03:26.524 --> 00:03:28.443 -You mean the dead one -I've been asking him +00:03:15.153 --> 00:03:17.571 +My hobbies, Ping-Pong, -00:03:28.527 --> 00:03:30.695 -to take down for three years -before it finally blew over? +00:03:31.294 --> 00:03:32.586 +sunbathe, -00:03:30.779 --> 00:03:31.738 -That tree? +00:03:38.760 --> 00:03:40.344 +disco dance, -00:03:32.948 --> 00:03:35.992 -- Really got smooshed -- You ain't kiddin' +00:03:43.598 --> 00:03:46.433 +and on weekends, I travel to capital city -00:03:37.368 --> 00:03:39.078 -Look at that +00:03:46.517 --> 00:03:49.728 +and watch ladies while they make toilet. -00:03:41.372 --> 00:03:42.498 -What is it, Daddy? +00:03:53.066 --> 00:03:57.903 +My profession, work as +a television reporter for Kazakhstan. -00:03:43.499 --> 00:03:44.500 -Mist +00:03:57.987 --> 00:03:59.780 +Please, you see. -00:03:46.043 --> 00:03:48.963 -- On the lake? -- We've had mist on the lake before +00:04:01.741 --> 00:04:04.451 +THE RUNNING OF THE JEW 2004 -00:03:49.004 --> 00:03:50.965 -Coming off the mountain like that? +00:04:06.246 --> 00:04:08.830 +Here comes the Jew. -00:03:51.006 --> 00:03:53.509 -Two fronts meeting, +00:04:10.833 --> 00:04:12.376 +It's a big one this year. -00:03:53.592 --> 00:03:55.803 -left over from the storm, -something like that +00:04:18.174 --> 00:04:20.259 +Whoaaa... +He nearly got the money there. -00:03:55.886 --> 00:03:57.388 -You sure? +00:04:21.469 --> 00:04:23.428 +Wait, here comes Mrs. Jew. -00:03:57.471 --> 00:03:58.889 -Honey, I'm not the weatherman +00:04:27.517 --> 00:04:29.142 +She's stopped. -00:03:58.973 --> 00:04:01.100 -Why don't you take Billy, -get him dressed +00:04:29.227 --> 00:04:31.895 +Is she? Is she? -00:04:01.183 --> 00:04:02.518 -I'll take him to town with me +00:04:32.146 --> 00:04:34.439 +Here it comes. -00:04:02.601 --> 00:04:03.978 -Okay Where you going? +00:04:34.524 --> 00:04:37.067 +She's laid a Jew egg. -00:04:04.061 --> 00:04:07.146 -I'm gonna go have a little chat -with our neighbour about his tree +00:04:40.321 --> 00:04:43.365 +Go kids! Crush that +Jew chick before he hatches! -00:04:07.230 --> 00:04:08.314 -Hon +00:04:44.993 --> 00:04:50.205 +Although Kazakhstan glorious country, +it have problem too. -00:04:08.398 --> 00:04:10.400 -Don’t worry, I'm not gonna -punch him in the nose +00:04:50.290 --> 00:04:53.583 +Economic, social and Jew. -00:04:10.483 --> 00:04:11.818 -You know what he's gonna say +00:04:53.668 --> 00:04:59.464 +This why Ministry of Information +have decide to send me to U.S. and A, -00:04:11.860 --> 00:04:14.904 -He's gonna say, "Sue me," -which, I don't know, maybe we should +00:04:59.549 --> 00:05:04.553 +greatest country in the world, +to learn lessons for Kazakhstan. -00:04:14.988 --> 00:04:17.782 -Honey, one property dispute -with this guy +00:05:04.637 --> 00:05:09.808 +I will travel with most venerable +producer, Azamat Bagatov. -00:04:17.824 --> 00:04:19.284 -is enough to last me a lifetime +00:05:09.892 --> 00:05:11.268 +Azamat. -00:04:19.325 --> 00:04:21.995 -I'm gonna ask -for his insurance information +00:05:11.352 --> 00:05:12.894 +No, not film me! +Film him. -00:04:22.078 --> 00:04:23.079 -Okay +00:05:44.344 --> 00:05:46.803 +Urkin, not too much raping... +Humans only. -00:04:23.162 --> 00:04:25.123 -- That's all -- Yeah +00:05:51.601 --> 00:05:53.977 +Doltan, I'll get you +a new arm in America. -00:04:28.042 --> 00:04:30.670 -Ohh! -Mother fucker! +00:05:54.062 --> 00:05:55.687 +I go to America! -00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:35.340 -Aw, shit! +00:06:02.820 --> 00:06:04.654 +America! -00:04:35.382 --> 00:04:37.843 -Ohh, you mother fucker! +00:06:07.533 --> 00:06:09.701 +Wave goodbye to your +clock radio, asshole! -00:04:39.177 --> 00:04:40.178 -Cock sucker! +00:06:16.667 --> 00:06:18.919 +If you cheat on me, +I will come over there -00:04:42.347 --> 00:04:43.348 -"Turn on +00:06:19.003 --> 00:06:20.545 +and snap off your cock. -00:04:43.432 --> 00:04:45.642 -"Full choke +00:06:46.322 --> 00:06:48.907 +JFK INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT +New York City -00:04:45.684 --> 00:04:47.853 -Pull five choke" +00:06:48.991 --> 00:06:53.036 +l arrived in America's airport +with clothings, U.S. dollars -00:04:52.316 --> 00:04:53.817 -I guess you’ve seen the... +00:06:53.121 --> 00:06:57.082 +and a jar of Gypsy tears +to protect me from AIDS. -00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:56.361 -boathouse +00:07:04.257 --> 00:07:06.716 +Stand clear of the closing doors, please. -00:04:56.445 --> 00:04:57.779 -Yeah, and...? +00:07:06.801 --> 00:07:10.095 +Hello, my name Borat. -00:04:57.863 --> 00:04:59.488 -Nothin' +00:07:10.179 --> 00:07:12.848 +I not American. I new in town. -00:04:59.530 --> 00:05:02.867 -Just think we should trade -insurance info, you know? +00:07:12.932 --> 00:07:15.851 +Nice to meet you. -00:05:02.950 --> 00:05:03.951 -That's all +00:07:15.935 --> 00:07:17.727 +Hello, nice meet you. -00:05:06.662 --> 00:05:09.165 -Oh, my insurance guy's -gonna love me +00:07:19.147 --> 00:07:20.856 +Hey, what your name? -00:05:12.001 --> 00:05:13.377 -Oh +00:07:20.940 --> 00:07:23.400 +My name is mind your own +fucking business. -00:05:13.419 --> 00:05:15.421 -Shit The 1980 +00:07:23.484 --> 00:07:26.945 +Stand clear of the closing doors, please. -00:05:15.504 --> 00:05:17.381 -I was gonna bring -the station wagon, but +00:07:27.029 --> 00:07:29.114 +Oh, hello. Nice meet you. -00:05:18.841 --> 00:05:20.676 -I don't know, the weather was -so beautiful coming out of New York, +00:07:29.198 --> 00:07:30.991 +My name Borat. -00:05:20.718 --> 00:05:22.970 -I just... -You know, top down +00:07:31.075 --> 00:07:32.409 +- What's happening? +- Nice meet you. -00:05:23.054 --> 00:05:24.764 -I'm sorry, man I mean it +00:07:32.493 --> 00:07:35.203 +Get the fuck out of here +before I break your jaw, bro. -00:05:24.847 --> 00:05:26.349 -Sincerely +00:07:35.288 --> 00:07:37.998 +- Yo, step the fuck off, bro. +- Okay. Okay. -00:05:28.016 --> 00:05:30.685 -- That's nice of you to say -- No, that car was cherry +00:07:38.082 --> 00:07:41.126 +- You're fucking with the wrong one, man. +- Okay. Sorry. -00:05:30.769 --> 00:05:32.395 -I hate to see it like that +00:07:43.337 --> 00:07:45.630 +Oh, shit. Okay, okay, wait. -00:05:35.357 --> 00:05:36.858 -Okay, I'll tell you what, +00:07:45.715 --> 00:07:47.841 +I get it. Please, relax. -00:05:36.900 --> 00:05:39.694 -I'll find my insurance guy's number, -I'll bring it by later +00:07:47.925 --> 00:07:50.635 +I'll get him! Careful, he bite. -00:05:39.778 --> 00:05:41.363 -- That okay? -- No problem +00:07:50.720 --> 00:07:53.680 +- Hey, man, what are you doing? +- Okay, relax. -00:05:47.702 --> 00:05:48.662 -So, uh, David... +00:07:53.764 --> 00:07:56.224 +Okay. Okay. -00:05:50.539 --> 00:05:53.875 -you’re not heading into town today -by any chance, are you? +00:07:57.393 --> 00:07:59.853 +Okay, okay, relax. -00:06:08.806 --> 00:06:10.474 -Well, CMP's out in force +00:07:59.937 --> 00:08:02.606 +Okay. Okay, wait. -00:06:11.809 --> 00:06:12.977 -Maybe we'll get our power back +00:08:02.690 --> 00:08:05.275 +Okay, no problem. Sorry. -00:06:13.561 --> 00:06:15.062 -I know Some storm, huh? +00:08:11.532 --> 00:08:13.325 +Welcome to the Wellington Hotel. -00:06:15.145 --> 00:06:16.438 -One for the books, yeah +00:08:13.409 --> 00:08:14.451 +Do you want to pay for +the entire stay now? -00:06:16.522 --> 00:06:18.190 -For a moment there last night, +00:08:14.535 --> 00:08:15.619 +GUY BORGES +Manager, Wellington Hotel -00:06:18.274 --> 00:06:20.693 -I thought we were gonna take off -and head for Oz +00:08:15.703 --> 00:08:18.663 +- I pay for one night. How much? +- Fine. -00:06:20.776 --> 00:06:22.819 -WZON is off the air, +00:08:18.748 --> 00:08:23.502 +One night is $117.13. -00:06:22.902 --> 00:06:25.113 -but Portland's still broadcasting +00:08:23.586 --> 00:08:25.295 +We'll call it 85. -00:06:25.196 --> 00:06:26.197 -Daddy, look +00:08:25.379 --> 00:08:27.964 +No, we can call it 117. -00:06:26.781 --> 00:06:28.116 -Ah +00:08:28.049 --> 00:08:31.259 +Let me get the door for you. Come on in. -00:06:28.157 --> 00:06:30.034 -guys from the base +00:08:31.344 --> 00:08:32.928 +Very nice. -00:06:30.118 --> 00:06:31.661 -- From up the mountain? -- Uh-huh +00:08:36.766 --> 00:08:39.309 +Very nice room. -00:06:31.744 --> 00:06:33.329 -The Arrowhead Project? +00:08:39.393 --> 00:08:41.645 +We're not in the room yet, sir. Hold on. -00:06:35.164 --> 00:06:36.165 -Well, you’re a local +00:08:41.729 --> 00:08:44.689 +You might want to repack. +We're gonna be moving again shortly. -00:06:36.249 --> 00:06:38.001 -Any idea what they do up there? +00:08:44.774 --> 00:08:46.650 +I will not move to a smaller room. -00:06:38.084 --> 00:06:39.586 -Missile defence research +00:08:46.734 --> 00:08:49.611 +Sir, this is your floor. +I'm gonna take you to your room. -00:06:39.627 --> 00:06:41.462 -You know, I'm sure -you’ve heard the stories +00:08:49.695 --> 00:08:51.738 +- This is not my room? +- This is the elevator. -00:06:41.546 --> 00:06:42.547 -Oh, sure +00:08:51.822 --> 00:08:53.615 +It takes you to the floor +where your room is. -00:06:42.630 --> 00:06:45.008 -The woman at the Laundromat -say that, uh, +00:08:57.787 --> 00:08:59.829 +Nice. Nice. -00:06:45.091 --> 00:06:48.177 -they have a crashed flying saucer -up there with frozen alien bodies +00:09:03.125 --> 00:09:05.835 +King in the castle. King in the castle. -00:06:48.261 --> 00:06:50.013 -Right Miss Edna Yeah +00:09:05.920 --> 00:09:09.256 +I have a chair. I have a chair. -00:06:50.095 --> 00:06:52.681 -Miss Tabloid +00:09:09.340 --> 00:09:12.217 +Oh, go do this. Go do this. +King in the castle. -00:06:52.764 --> 00:06:55.434 -"I Had Bigfoot's Baby" +00:09:22.645 --> 00:09:24.563 +Hello, nice meet you. My name Borat. -00:06:56.685 --> 00:06:59.271 -"Satan's Face Appears -in Oil Well Fire" +00:09:24.647 --> 00:09:26.064 +I am new in town. -00:06:59.313 --> 00:07:00.647 -You know, real reliable stuff +00:09:26.148 --> 00:09:28.858 +- Get away from me. +- I just... I kiss you, say hello. -00:07:05.402 --> 00:07:06.904 -Well, they're in a hurry +00:09:47.795 --> 00:09:49.546 +It arrive. -00:07:06.987 --> 00:07:08.614 -Maybe their power's out too +00:09:49.630 --> 00:09:51.923 +Hello, my name Borat. I am new in town. -00:07:17.872 --> 00:07:18.873 -Huh Still no signal +00:09:52.008 --> 00:09:54.718 +- I say hello and I... +- Do not touch me. -00:07:19.457 --> 00:07:22.126 -Why don't you go ahead? -I'm gonna try Steph on a pay phone +00:09:54.802 --> 00:09:57.596 +- Do not get near my face. +- I kiss you. -00:07:22.210 --> 00:07:23.920 -Can I go with Mr Norton, Daddy? +00:09:57.680 --> 00:10:00.390 +Yeah, you kiss me, +I'll pop you in the fucking balls. -00:07:24.003 --> 00:07:26.797 -Sure, if you promise -to hold his hand, I guess +00:10:00.474 --> 00:10:01.516 +What mean, "Balls"? -00:07:26.839 --> 00:07:27.840 -Yeah -- Yeah +00:10:02.685 --> 00:10:04.436 +Very nice. -00:07:27.924 --> 00:07:29.508 -Here's a list +00:10:10.901 --> 00:10:12.402 +Very nice. How much? -00:07:29.592 --> 00:07:30.927 -- Sure -- Okay? +00:10:13.029 --> 00:10:15.280 +Hello, nice meet you. My name Borat. -00:07:31.010 --> 00:07:32.178 -Meet you guys in there +00:10:15.364 --> 00:10:18.950 +Get away! What are you doing? -00:07:34.263 --> 00:07:35.264 -Hold hands +00:10:19.035 --> 00:10:22.495 +Wait, I want to say hello. +What is the problem? -00:07:39.101 --> 00:07:41.354 -I'm sorry I didn't know -it was your sister +00:10:32.173 --> 00:10:35.258 +This has been +most happiest day of my lifes. -00:07:45.857 --> 00:07:47.901 -That looks so freaky! +00:10:35.343 --> 00:10:38.178 +l was very excite to start my reportings. -00:07:47.984 --> 00:07:48.944 -Hmm +00:10:38.888 --> 00:10:41.431 +America is known for its +sense of humor. -00:07:56.868 --> 00:07:58.411 -- Sally, hey -- Hey, Mr Drayton on +00:10:41.807 --> 00:10:44.142 +UN survey say Kazakhstan +have 98th lowest humor. -00:07:58.495 --> 00:08:00.038 -You guys look jammed up +00:10:45.394 --> 00:10:46.728 +We must improve. -00:08:00.121 --> 00:08:03.250 -Yeah, well, half the staff -didn't show, plus the power's out +00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:50.690 +Hurry, hurry. -00:08:03.333 --> 00:08:05.669 -Oh, no What, -no backup generator? +00:10:51.651 --> 00:10:54.694 +Just dry him, no hand relief. -00:08:05.710 --> 00:08:07.212 -Only to keep the food cold +00:10:57.698 --> 00:10:58.740 +How is my back pussy? -00:08:07.295 --> 00:08:08.838 -Everything else, -welcome to the Dark Ages, +00:10:58.824 --> 00:11:01.034 +Not bad. Moist. -00:08:08.922 --> 00:08:10.006 -and bring your check book +00:11:01.118 --> 00:11:03.036 +So what time this interview? -00:08:10.090 --> 00:08:12.592 -Hey, Thursday night, -Steph and I want a date night +00:11:03.454 --> 00:11:04.954 +Soon, my friend. -00:08:12.676 --> 00:08:15.094 -- Baby-sit? -- Heck, yeah I'm there +00:11:12.088 --> 00:11:13.338 +Gently. -00:08:16.637 --> 00:08:17.721 -Oh, my God +00:11:16.133 --> 00:11:17.133 +Enough! -00:08:17.805 --> 00:08:19.306 -The storm +00:11:18.302 --> 00:11:20.637 +- Hello. My name's Pat Haggerty. +- Hello. -00:08:19.390 --> 00:08:22.476 -Every body's stockin' up -Been like this since we opened +00:11:20.721 --> 00:11:21.930 +PAT HAGGERTY +Humor Coach -00:08:22.560 --> 00:08:23.686 -Crappy day, huh? +00:11:22.014 --> 00:11:24.015 +- Nice meet you. Borat. +- Nice to meet you. -00:08:23.769 --> 00:08:26.272 -Eh, every one's a little -pissed off this morning +00:11:24.100 --> 00:11:27.018 +Should I make a joke +about my mother-in-law? -00:08:26.355 --> 00:08:28.190 -'Morning, Mrs Carmody +00:11:27.103 --> 00:11:29.771 +Yes. In America, that's a very popular joke. -00:08:29.316 --> 00:08:31.902 -With lines like these, -I don't know how good it is, +00:11:29.855 --> 00:11:32.315 +- Do you have a mother-in-law joke? +- Yes. -00:08:31.986 --> 00:08:34.196 -but I guess we'll have to make do +00:11:32.400 --> 00:11:36.778 +I had sexy-time with my mother-in-law. -00:08:35.155 --> 00:08:37.700 -- Keep your head down, pal -- I know it +00:11:36.862 --> 00:11:38.655 +- A what time? +- Sexy-time. -00:08:41.494 --> 00:08:42.495 -Hey, champ +00:11:38.739 --> 00:11:41.491 +I made sexy-time with my mother-in-law. -00:08:43.663 --> 00:08:44.998 -Your wife should be a doctor +00:11:41.575 --> 00:11:44.828 +- You had sex with your mother-in-law? +- Yes. -00:08:45.081 --> 00:08:47.208 -She could make a fortune -in Manhattan with this handwriting +00:11:44.912 --> 00:11:47.372 +I don't think that Americans +would find that funny. -00:08:47.292 --> 00:08:50.086 -Yeah, it takes some getting used to +00:11:47.456 --> 00:11:49.541 +- No, it is not a joke. +- Yeah. -00:08:50.169 --> 00:08:52.338 -Why don't you get your stuff? -I'll meet you at the checkout +00:11:49.625 --> 00:11:52.210 +We're talking about humor. -00:08:52.422 --> 00:08:53.381 -Okay, done +00:11:52.294 --> 00:11:54.546 +Yes, you asked me about +my mother-in-law. -00:08:56.175 --> 00:08:59.304 -Hey, David, -thanks for helping me out today +00:11:54.630 --> 00:11:57.257 +Do you have a joke about her? -00:09:03.099 --> 00:09:05.101 -Are you and Mr Norton -gonna be friends now, Daddy? +00:11:57.341 --> 00:12:00.009 +No, why make a joke on a mother-in-law? -00:09:05.185 --> 00:09:06.728 -Oh, I don't know +00:12:02.221 --> 00:12:05.598 +Do you ever laugh on people +with a retardation? -00:09:08.104 --> 00:09:10.105 -"Friends" might be -stretching it a little +00:12:05.683 --> 00:12:09.936 +Here in America we try not to make fun of -00:09:11.106 --> 00:09:13.483 -I guess you’re not mad -at each other any more +00:12:10.020 --> 00:12:13.022 +or be funny with things +that people don't choose. -00:09:13.567 --> 00:09:14.568 -I guess not +00:12:13.107 --> 00:12:18.778 +But perhaps you have not seen +someone with a very funny retardation. -00:09:16.278 --> 00:09:17.946 -And that's a start, huh? +00:12:18.863 --> 00:12:24.659 +My brother, Bilo, +have a very funny retardation. -00:09:18.989 --> 00:09:20.991 -I'm sorry, ma'am, -the registers are down +00:12:25.870 --> 00:12:30.415 +Mental retardation causes a lot of pain +and hardship for a lot of families. -00:09:21.074 --> 00:09:23.076 -The power outage got us too +00:12:30.499 --> 00:12:35.920 +Sometime my sister, she show her +vagina to my brother, Bilo, and say, -00:09:23.118 --> 00:09:25.787 -Hopefully we'll have -power up pretty soon +00:12:36.005 --> 00:12:39.758 +"You will never get this! +You will never get this!" -00:09:35.631 --> 00:09:38.341 -- The bus leaves in 30 minutes -- We'll make it, okay? +00:12:39.842 --> 00:12:43.094 +He behind his cage, crazy, crazy. +Everybody laugh. -00:09:38.424 --> 00:09:40.426 -You guys get the goodies -I'll wait in line +00:12:43.179 --> 00:12:45.013 +She go, "You never get this!" -00:09:45.806 --> 00:09:47.767 -I need some change -on register five +00:12:45.097 --> 00:12:49.601 +But one time, +he break cage and he get this. -00:09:49.393 --> 00:09:51.437 -Good morning, Ms Reppler +00:12:49.685 --> 00:12:51.186 +And then we all laugh. -00:09:51.479 --> 00:09:52.772 -Hello, Ms Reppler +00:12:51.270 --> 00:12:52.645 +High five! -00:09:52.813 --> 00:09:55.983 -Well, hello to you, Billy Drayton on +00:12:54.315 --> 00:12:55.523 +Now... -00:09:56.067 --> 00:09:57.735 -How'd you hold up in the storm? +00:12:59.278 --> 00:13:02.781 +No, that would not be funny +in America, okay? -00:09:57.818 --> 00:09:59.946 -We had a tree come through -the picture window last night, +00:13:02.865 --> 00:13:05.825 +What is "not" jokes? -00:10:00.029 --> 00:10:01.197 -right in my studio +00:13:05.910 --> 00:13:09.704 +A "not" joke is when we're trying +to make fun of something -00:10:01.280 --> 00:10:04.241 -And the boathouse got all smooshed -Mr Norton's tree fell on it +00:13:09.789 --> 00:13:13.917 +and what we do is we make +a statement that we pretend is true -00:10:04.324 --> 00:10:05.283 -Ouch +00:13:14.001 --> 00:13:17.754 +but, at the end, we say, "Not," +which means it's not true. -00:10:05.367 --> 00:10:07.869 -- Yeah -Sorry to hear that +00:13:17.838 --> 00:13:19.172 +So teach me how to make one. -00:10:10.789 --> 00:10:12.123 -How'd you guys make out? +00:13:19.256 --> 00:13:22.258 +- All right, what color is your suit? +- This suit is gray. -00:10:12.165 --> 00:10:15.335 -Oh, we're fine -It's the listings I'm worried about +00:13:22.343 --> 00:13:23.927 +Gray, I would call it blue, okay? -00:10:15.418 --> 00:10:18.255 -At the very least, I'll bet every one -of our "For Sale" signs fell over +00:13:24.011 --> 00:13:25.553 +- It's gray. +- All right, it's blue-gray. -00:10:18.338 --> 00:10:20.966 -We had damage -at the school, wouldn't you know? +00:13:25.638 --> 00:13:28.306 +But it's certainly not black, right? -00:10:21.049 --> 00:10:24.052 -That's what we get for not fixing -that roof when we should've, +00:13:28.390 --> 00:13:31.100 +- Let's say it's gray, but... +- It is gray. -00:10:24.135 --> 00:10:27.639 -but with funds being cut every year +00:13:32.269 --> 00:13:35.146 +Okay, so a "not" joke, I would say -00:10:27.722 --> 00:10:29.182 -You'd think educating children +00:13:35.231 --> 00:13:38.149 +"That suit is black. Not!" -00:10:29.266 --> 00:10:31.475 -would be more -of a priority in this country, +00:13:38.234 --> 00:13:41.486 +This suit is not black. -00:10:31.517 --> 00:10:33.644 -but you’d be wrong +00:13:41.570 --> 00:13:44.322 +- No, no, "Not" has to be the end. +- Oh, okay. -00:10:33.686 --> 00:10:36.814 -Government's got better things -to spend our money on, +00:13:44.406 --> 00:13:46.533 +This suit is black not. -00:10:36.897 --> 00:10:40.568 -like corporate handouts -and building bombs +00:13:46.617 --> 00:13:49.452 +This suit is black, pause... +You know what a pause is? -00:10:54.164 --> 00:10:55.708 -Daddy, is there a fire? -Is Mommy all right? +00:13:49.537 --> 00:13:52.831 +- Yes. +- This suit is black. Not! -00:10:55.791 --> 00:10:58.586 -I'm sure she's fine -Don’t worry, okay? +00:13:52.915 --> 00:13:56.167 +This suit is black. Pause. Not. -00:10:59.669 --> 00:11:01.170 -Mind what you’re doing, Sally +00:13:56.252 --> 00:13:58.253 +No, you don't say "pause." -00:11:02.088 --> 00:11:03.756 -Oh, come on, -we got 10 days' leave +00:13:58.337 --> 00:14:00.088 +This suit is black. -00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:04.841 -Check our papers +00:14:01.340 --> 00:14:03.174 +That's a pause. Not! -00:11:04.924 --> 00:11:06.926 -Look, I told you, -all leaves are cancelled +00:14:03.926 --> 00:14:05.635 +This suit is black. -00:11:07.010 --> 00:11:07.969 -I don't know why +00:14:07.638 --> 00:14:08.930 +Okay... -00:11:08.052 --> 00:11:10.054 -I gotta go check the pharmacy out +00:14:10.099 --> 00:14:11.850 +- I don't... I'm not... +- Not! -00:11:10.138 --> 00:11:12.599 -Three men meet me -back at the Jeep in five minutes +00:14:17.106 --> 00:14:19.858 +Everybody say U.S.A. +television much better -00:11:12.682 --> 00:11:13.683 -That's an order +00:14:19.942 --> 00:14:22.986 +but this I watch for three hours, +do not change. -00:11:16.186 --> 00:11:19.689 -Shit, man! Another half an hour, -and we'd have been gone +00:14:23.070 --> 00:14:24.696 +There's a remote control here. -00:11:52.888 --> 00:11:54.472 -Oh, my God! +00:14:24.780 --> 00:14:27.282 +Push these two arrows +to change the channel. -00:12:02.772 --> 00:12:04.148 -Something in the mist! +00:14:30.536 --> 00:14:31.536 +I got him, I got him, I got him! -00:12:04.232 --> 00:12:06.067 -Something in the mist +00:14:33.122 --> 00:14:35.707 +I have the urge to bury something else. -00:12:06.150 --> 00:12:07.652 -took John Lee! +00:14:35.791 --> 00:14:36.875 +Yes! -00:12:07.735 --> 00:12:09.070 -Dan, catch your breath +00:14:38.627 --> 00:14:42.171 +- I love you. +- I love you too, Jamie. -00:12:09.111 --> 00:12:10.988 -Something in the mist took John Lee +00:14:42.256 --> 00:14:43.965 +I love you. -00:12:11.072 --> 00:12:12.823 -I could hear him screaming +00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:06.905 +- Do you believe in magic, Miss... +- Parker, C.J. -00:12:12.907 --> 00:12:15.826 -Shut the doors! Shut the doors! -My God! +00:15:07.615 --> 00:15:09.699 +It's a pleasure to meet you, C.J. -00:12:15.910 --> 00:12:17.578 -Daddy, I'm scared -Can we go home? +00:15:14.121 --> 00:15:16.915 +Be careful! Be careful, C.J.! -00:12:22.082 --> 00:12:23.041 -Don't go out there +00:15:16.999 --> 00:15:21.753 +This C.J. was like no +Kazakh woman I had ever seen. -00:12:23.124 --> 00:12:25.377 -There's something in the mist -It took John Lee +00:15:21.837 --> 00:15:26.758 +She had golden hairs, +teeth as white as pearls -00:12:25.460 --> 00:12:27.921 -Screw that! -I'm gettin' in my car +00:15:26.842 --> 00:15:29.344 +and the asshole of a 7-year-old. -00:12:28.004 --> 00:12:29.506 -Mister, no! +00:15:30.596 --> 00:15:33.389 +For the first time in my lifes, -00:13:01.787 --> 00:13:03.289 -Please hold me +00:15:33.474 --> 00:15:35.099 +l was in love. -00:13:03.330 --> 00:13:05.332 -It's okay, it's okay +00:15:39.980 --> 00:15:41.689 +Get up! Get up! -00:13:05.416 --> 00:13:09.545 -It's a pollution cloud -The mills down in Rumford +00:15:41.774 --> 00:15:43.900 +Why aren't you ready! -00:13:09.628 --> 00:13:12.715 -Some kind of chemical explosion -Has to be +00:15:43.984 --> 00:15:45.652 +We have people to interview today. -00:13:14.091 --> 00:13:15.593 -What is it? +00:15:45.736 --> 00:15:46.736 +I understand. -00:13:16.844 --> 00:13:18.303 -What's going on? +00:15:47.571 --> 00:15:49.948 +Learn what you can from +this women's group. -00:13:21.514 --> 00:13:22.640 -It's death +00:15:50.282 --> 00:15:52.951 +- My hair? +- It's beautiful. Don't worry. -00:13:57.466 --> 00:13:59.885 -Stay down! +00:15:55.871 --> 00:16:00.541 +In Kazakhstan it is illegal for more than +five woman to be in the same place -00:14:01.053 --> 00:14:02.221 -Daddy! +00:16:00.626 --> 00:16:03.419 +except for in brothel or in grave. -00:14:09.978 --> 00:14:11.188 -You okay? +00:16:03.504 --> 00:16:07.840 +In the U.S. and A., many womens meet +in groups called Feminists. -00:14:21.405 --> 00:14:22.907 -That was an earthquake +00:16:07.925 --> 00:16:09.175 +I find more. -00:14:23.908 --> 00:14:26.202 -I tell you, the goddamn mills blew up! +00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:12.804 +VETERAN FEMINISTS +OF AMERICA -00:14:26.285 --> 00:14:29.747 -Is every one okay? -Is any one hurt? +00:16:12.888 --> 00:16:14.806 +So, what means this feminism? -00:14:29.830 --> 00:14:33.125 -Every body just stay put, okay? -Just stay inside the store +00:16:14.890 --> 00:16:19.811 +It's the theory that women +should be equal to men -00:14:33.209 --> 00:14:36.087 -I can't I can't stay here -I gotta get home to my kids +00:16:19.895 --> 00:16:23.314 +in matters economic, social... -00:14:36.128 --> 00:14:39.215 -No -No, don't go out there +00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:25.650 +- Now you are laughing. +- Yes. -00:14:39.298 --> 00:14:42.092 -It's death out there -It's the end of days +00:16:25.734 --> 00:16:27.652 +Well, that is the problem. -00:14:42.175 --> 00:14:44.219 -Stop it, okay? Stop it +00:16:27.736 --> 00:16:30.363 +Do you think a woman should be educate? -00:14:44.261 --> 00:14:47.097 -Please, every body, -every body just relax, okay? +00:16:30.447 --> 00:16:31.739 +Definitely. -00:14:47.180 --> 00:14:49.182 -He's right Let's just stay cool +00:16:31.824 --> 00:16:36.160 +But is it not a problem that a woman +have a smaller brain than a man? -00:14:49.266 --> 00:14:50.642 -Let's just try to figure out -what happened +00:16:36.245 --> 00:16:37.495 +That is wrong. -00:14:50.725 --> 00:14:55.105 -I'm sorry, I... I can’t just stay here -I have to get home to my kids +00:16:37.579 --> 00:16:41.457 +But the government scientist, +Dr. Yamak, prove it's the size of squirrel. -00:14:55.146 --> 00:14:57.065 -Ma'am, no, you can't go out there +00:16:41.542 --> 00:16:43.251 +Your government's scientist? -00:14:57.107 --> 00:14:58.817 -Could be a poisonous gas cloud +00:16:43.335 --> 00:16:46.045 +- Yes, Dr. Yamak. +- He's wrong. He's wrong. -00:14:58.900 --> 00:15:00.402 -Didn't you hear that man screaming? +00:16:46.130 --> 00:16:48.589 +Give me a smile, baby. Why angry face? -00:15:00.443 --> 00:15:03.113 -I agree Let's stay here -until we figure it out +00:16:48.674 --> 00:16:52.552 +Well, what you're saying +is very demeaning. -00:15:03.196 --> 00:15:04.573 -You're not listening! +00:16:52.636 --> 00:16:55.263 +- Do you know the word "demeaning"? +- No. -00:15:05.115 --> 00:15:06.825 -I can't stay here +00:16:56.015 --> 00:16:57.181 +We are saying to you... -00:15:07.950 --> 00:15:11.787 -Wanda's looking after little Victor -She's only 8 +00:16:57.266 --> 00:17:01.144 +l could not concentrate on what +this old man was saying. -00:15:11.871 --> 00:15:15.749 -Sometimes she forgets -she's supposed to be watching him +00:17:02.896 --> 00:17:07.900 +All I could think about was this +lovely woman in her red water-panties. -00:15:19.920 --> 00:15:22.089 -I told them I'd only be gone -a few minutes +00:17:07.985 --> 00:17:10.028 +Who was this C.J.? -00:15:23.299 --> 00:15:25.593 -She's only 8 +00:17:10.112 --> 00:17:13.614 +Last night I see in my hotel room -00:15:26.635 --> 00:15:28.095 -For their sakes, +00:17:14.616 --> 00:17:17.452 +a woman called C.J. on the television. -00:15:28.137 --> 00:15:29.471 -don't +00:17:17.536 --> 00:17:19.537 +- Do you know her? +- No. -00:15:34.643 --> 00:15:37.187 -Well, isn't anybody gonna help me? +00:17:19.621 --> 00:17:22.915 +She from a town called Baywatches. -00:15:39.814 --> 00:15:41.649 -Shh It's okay, pal +00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:25.710 +- She's just on television. +- Her name is Pamela. -00:15:42.859 --> 00:15:45.361 -Won't somebody here -see a lady home? +00:17:25.794 --> 00:17:28.713 +- Do she live here in New York City? +- She lives in California. -00:15:50.325 --> 00:15:51.534 -You? +00:17:28.797 --> 00:17:31.215 +- In the California. +- He's gonna look her up. -00:15:59.167 --> 00:16:00.210 -You? +00:17:31.300 --> 00:17:32.800 +Okay, can we finish now? -00:16:09.801 --> 00:16:11.970 -It's okay, buddy -- You? +00:17:32.885 --> 00:17:34.677 +Listen, pussycat, smile a bit. -00:16:12.012 --> 00:16:15.307 -Ma'am, please, -I got my own boy to worry about +00:17:34.762 --> 00:17:38.431 +- All right. That's it. I'm done. +- We're finished. We have to leave. -00:16:19.645 --> 00:16:21.980 -I hope you all rot in hell +00:17:40.392 --> 00:17:45.897 +Although I was obsessed +by this C.J., I could not pursue her -00:16:22.022 --> 00:16:24.233 -Ma'am, please, wait until... +00:17:45.981 --> 00:17:48.816 +or else my wife would snap off my cock. -00:16:59.349 --> 00:17:01.893 -Okay, -let's start cleaning up, okay? +00:17:53.238 --> 00:17:55.156 +Mr. Sagdiyev? -00:17:01.977 --> 00:17:04.646 -Get the spilled bottles, -broken glass, stuff like that +00:17:55.240 --> 00:17:58.034 +- Yes? +- I have a telegram for you. -00:17:04.729 --> 00:17:07.357 -Aisle three has medical supplies +00:17:58.118 --> 00:18:00.661 +- You can read? +- Yes, I can. -00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:10.277 -It's okay It's okay +00:18:02.331 --> 00:18:04.457 +"Dear Borat Sagdiyev, -00:17:10.360 --> 00:17:12.028 -All right, easy, champ -Come on +00:18:04.541 --> 00:18:07.376 +"your wife, Oxna, -00:17:12.112 --> 00:17:13.113 -Come on +00:18:07.461 --> 00:18:12.965 +"was walking your retarded Bilo +in the woods -00:17:13.196 --> 00:17:15.866 -Come on -All right, hey, hey, hey +00:18:13.050 --> 00:18:16.886 +"when a bear attacked +and violated and break her. -00:17:15.907 --> 00:17:17.576 -Can't keep crying like this, pal +00:18:16.970 --> 00:18:19.263 +"She is now dead." -00:17:17.659 --> 00:17:18.994 -Come on! +00:18:19.348 --> 00:18:21.766 +You say my wife is dead? -00:17:19.077 --> 00:17:21.037 -Come on, -you’re gonna hurt yourself +00:18:23.018 --> 00:18:24.852 +This is what it's... -00:17:21.121 --> 00:17:23.456 -- Come on, are you all right? -- I want Mommy! +00:18:32.152 --> 00:18:36.405 +Yes, sir. I'm sorry to inform you, +but that's what the telegram says. -00:17:23.540 --> 00:17:25.000 -All right, I know you want Mommy +00:18:37.908 --> 00:18:39.951 +High five! Great! -00:17:25.083 --> 00:17:27.585 -All right, just try to breathe +00:18:54.883 --> 00:18:57.426 +What do you mean, California? -00:17:27.626 --> 00:17:28.961 -Just try to breathe, okay? +00:18:57.511 --> 00:19:00.304 +I have arranged all our filming +for New York. -00:17:30.462 --> 00:17:32.298 -Just try to breathe, pal -That's okay +00:19:00.889 --> 00:19:03.641 +But we need to leave New York +to find the real America: -00:17:32.381 --> 00:17:34.049 -It's all right +00:19:03.725 --> 00:19:07.103 +rodeos, cowboys... +It will be better for our documentary. -00:17:36.635 --> 00:17:39.722 -I haven't seen him suck his thumb -like this since he was 2 years old +00:19:07.855 --> 00:19:09.647 +But why California? +What's there? -00:17:39.805 --> 00:17:41.599 -He's in shock +00:19:11.942 --> 00:19:14.402 +Pearl Harbor is there... +And so is Texas. -00:17:41.682 --> 00:17:43.392 -I think we all are +00:19:14.486 --> 00:19:19.240 +Eventually, I persuade Azamat +that we would travel to California -00:17:43.475 --> 00:17:44.852 -You haven't met +00:19:19.324 --> 00:19:22.076 +and make our reportings along the way. -00:17:45.311 --> 00:17:46.770 -Amanda Dunfrey +00:19:22.619 --> 00:19:28.082 +He insists we not fly in case the Jews +repeated their attack of 9/11. -00:17:46.812 --> 00:17:48.981 -She's new in town -as of this semester +00:19:28.834 --> 00:19:31.586 +Okay, I'll find another way +for us to get there. -00:17:49.982 --> 00:17:51.483 -Teaches third grade +00:19:32.379 --> 00:19:34.463 +My name is Mike. +I'm gonna be your driving instructor. -00:17:51.567 --> 00:17:54.819 -and the specialed kids, -now that Mosher's retired +00:19:34.548 --> 00:19:36.007 +MICHAEL PSENICSKA +Perry Hall Driving School -00:17:54.903 --> 00:17:56.821 -She's wonderful -The kids love her +00:19:36.091 --> 00:19:37.091 +Welcome to our country, okay. -00:17:57.822 --> 00:17:59.991 -And David's an artist +00:19:37.217 --> 00:19:38.634 +- My name Borat. +- Okay, okay. Good, good. -00:18:00.074 --> 00:18:03.036 -He does movie posters and such +00:19:38.719 --> 00:19:41.262 +Well, I'm not used to that, +but that's fine. -00:18:03.119 --> 00:18:04.078 -And me +00:19:42.556 --> 00:19:44.599 +Now, you do know how to drive a little bit? -00:18:04.662 --> 00:18:09.584 -Lord, I'm babbling away -like some old biddy at a tea party! +00:19:44.683 --> 00:19:47.226 +- Yes. +- Yes. Put it in D. -00:18:09.626 --> 00:18:11.127 -My nerves are jangled, I guess - -00:18:11.211 --> 00:18:12.420 -Boy settle down? - -00:18:12.504 --> 00:18:14.005 -How is he? - -00:18:14.088 --> 00:18:15.131 -Still hot - -00:18:15.215 --> 00:18:16.716 -Why don't I get him some aspirin - -00:18:16.799 --> 00:18:18.635 -- Aisle three -- Okay - -00:18:18.718 --> 00:18:20.261 -Thanks - -00:18:20.303 --> 00:18:21.803 -How's Dan? - -00:18:21.887 --> 00:18:23.722 -His nose stopped bleedin' - -00:18:23.805 --> 00:18:26.099 -He's calmer now -Somebody gave him a Valium - -00:18:27.809 --> 00:18:29.269 -Can't believe the way he ran in here - -00:18:30.312 --> 00:18:31.438 -Never seen him like that - -00:18:31.522 --> 00:18:34.816 -I need something to cover my boy up -Got any blankets? - -00:18:35.651 --> 00:18:37.778 -Furniture pads Loadin' dock - -00:18:37.819 --> 00:18:40.906 -Gonna keep checkin' on people -If you need anything, just holler - -00:18:40.989 --> 00:18:43.075 -You bet Sally, you mind? - -00:18:43.158 --> 00:18:45.452 -Oh, I'd love to. I really should -help him clean up - -00:18:45.536 --> 00:18:47.955 -- I'll take him -- Okay - -00:18:47.996 --> 00:18:48.997 -Daddy, don't go - -00:18:49.081 --> 00:18:52.250 -No, I'll be gone two seconds, Big Bill -Come on, I'm gonna get your blanket - -00:18:52.333 --> 00:18:54.210 -Mrs Reppler's here, - -00:18:54.293 --> 00:18:56.295 -and so is Mrs Turman - -00:18:57.338 --> 00:18:58.798 -I'll be close by, okay? - -00:18:58.881 --> 00:19:01.467 -- Okay -- Don’t worry, I'm not far Okay? - -00:19:02.552 --> 00:19:03.553 -Let me look at you - -00:19:06.430 --> 00:19:07.431 -Hmm? - -00:19:09.225 --> 00:19:10.309 -Wanna lie down? - -00:19:10.351 --> 00:19:11.352 -Yeah - -00:19:12.436 --> 00:19:13.688 -There you go - -00:19:13.771 --> 00:19:17.440 -Soon as it blows away, -we can walk out of here safe andfree, - -00:19:17.524 --> 00:19:18.942 -but we have to be smart about it - -00:19:19.025 --> 00:19:21.653 -First thing we need to do -is keep our wits about us - -00:19:21.736 --> 00:19:23.321 -and find out what’s happened - -00:19:23.363 --> 00:19:24.865 -Well, how we gonna -do that, my man? - -00:19:24.948 --> 00:19:27.534 -We've got no phone signal, -got no radio - -00:19:27.617 --> 00:19:30.162 -I'm sure they're working -on those problems as we speak - -00:19:30.245 --> 00:19:32.497 -It stands to reason -that restoring communications - -00:19:32.539 --> 00:19:33.540 -would be their top priority - -00:19:46.427 --> 00:19:48.512 -Jeez! - -00:20:07.990 --> 00:20:10.201 -Oh, shit. - -00:20:11.702 --> 00:20:13.161 -Ow! - -00:20:15.163 --> 00:20:16.164 -Shit! - -00:20:20.502 --> 00:20:21.669 -God damn it! - -00:20:21.753 --> 00:20:23.713 -Ow! Ow! - -00:20:25.340 --> 00:20:26.925 -Bitch! - -00:20:27.008 --> 00:20:28.176 -It's obvious that we’re... - -00:20:28.259 --> 00:20:30.220 -we're in some kind -of natural disaster here - -00:20:30.303 --> 00:20:32.931 -Ain't nothin' obvious -about this sombitch from where I sit - -00:20:33.014 --> 00:20:35.350 -There ain't nothin' -natural about it either - -00:20:35.433 --> 00:20:36.392 -That's right - -00:20:36.476 --> 00:20:39.145 -It's Judgment Day, -and it's come round at last - -00:20:39.229 --> 00:20:41.688 -There is nothing more obvious -or natural than that - -00:20:41.772 --> 00:20:43.273 -Ohh, fuck, now - -00:20:43.357 --> 00:20:45.025 -You've done that to yourself, - -00:20:45.108 --> 00:20:46.985 -by a life of sin and dissolution - -00:21:33.322 --> 00:21:34.991 -Hey, whoa! David! - -00:21:35.073 --> 00:21:37.450 -Hey, you guys hear that? - -00:21:37.492 --> 00:21:39.411 -The generator? -We're just gonna check it out - -00:21:39.494 --> 00:21:41.329 -No, no, I turned the generator off - -00:21:41.413 --> 00:21:43.415 -It... it was backing up - -00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:47.419 -- N-nobody else heard that sound? -- What sound? - -00:21:48.420 --> 00:21:52.132 -I don't know, like a weird noise, - -00:21:52.174 --> 00:21:53.967 -back there in the dark - -00:21:54.009 --> 00:21:56.511 -Like something was, like, -pressing against the door - -00:21:56.595 --> 00:22:00.140 -Did you hear it -before the lights went out, or after? - -00:22:00.182 --> 00:22:02.058 -No, only after - -00:22:02.142 --> 00:22:04.393 -After, but, look, I heard it, okay? - -00:22:04.476 --> 00:22:06.520 -- Nobody's calling you a liar -- That's what it sounds like - -00:22:06.604 --> 00:22:09.273 -No, no, no, no -Now, don't be that away, Mr Drayton on - -00:22:09.356 --> 00:22:11.400 -You had a scare, no doubt - -00:22:11.484 --> 00:22:13.152 -What say we all go check it out? - -00:22:13.194 --> 00:22:14.653 -Here - -00:22:20.326 --> 00:22:22.578 -Oooopf! - -00:22:22.661 --> 00:22:23.621 -Man. - -00:22:23.704 --> 00:22:25.831 -It's pretty rank in here - -00:22:25.873 --> 00:22:28.000 -- Myron, go check it out -- All right - -00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:32.253 -Go on, fire it up - -00:22:40.929 --> 00:22:43.264 -All right! - -00:22:43.348 --> 00:22:44.432 -Shut it off! - -00:22:45.517 --> 00:22:47.227 -Holy crow, don't that stink! - -00:22:48.144 --> 00:22:49.562 -Something's -got the exhaust vent - -00:22:49.646 --> 00:22:51.272 -plugged up from the outside - -00:22:51.356 --> 00:22:53.775 -You get it running long enough -to raise that door a little, - -00:22:53.858 --> 00:22:55.318 -I'll go out and clear -whatever's blockin' it - -00:22:55.401 --> 00:22:56.569 -No, no, you can't do that - -00:22:56.653 --> 00:22:58.654 -Why not? -It's an electric door, right? - -00:22:58.737 --> 00:23:01.698 -Well, yeah, but it may not be wise -to send him out there - -00:23:01.782 --> 00:23:03.116 -Okay, I'll do it - -00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:05.077 -No, look, it's not about -who goes out there - -00:23:05.160 --> 00:23:07.162 -What, don't you think I can do it? - -00:23:07.246 --> 00:23:09.873 -Hey! I want to go! -It was my idea - -00:23:09.915 --> 00:23:11.416 -Well, wait, just stop, okay? - -00:23:11.500 --> 00:23:13.085 -J-Jim, right? - -00:23:13.168 --> 00:23:15.671 -Myron? You guys are... - -00:23:15.754 --> 00:23:17.840 -you, well, you don't seem -to understand, - -00:23:17.923 --> 00:23:19.466 -or you’re try in' real hard not to - -00:23:19.550 --> 00:23:21.218 -This is no ordinary mist, okay? - -00:23:21.260 --> 00:23:24.429 -You open that door, -and something gets in here - -00:23:24.513 --> 00:23:25.680 -Like what? - -00:23:26.973 --> 00:23:28.891 -Well, like whatever -made that noise I heard - -00:23:28.933 --> 00:23:30.434 -Are you guys being will fully dense? - -00:23:30.518 --> 00:23:32.854 -Mr Drayton on, you’ll pardon me, - -00:23:32.937 --> 00:23:36.566 -but I'm not convinced -that you heard anything - -00:23:36.649 --> 00:23:38.484 -I mean, we're not -hearing anything now, right? - -00:23:38.568 --> 00:23:39.527 -Anybody? - -00:23:40.903 --> 00:23:41.863 -See? - -00:23:43.239 --> 00:23:46.242 -Now, I know, I know... -you’re a big shot artist - -00:23:46.325 --> 00:23:48.828 -with connections in New York -and Hollywood and all like that, - -00:23:48.911 --> 00:23:51.205 -but that don't make you better -than anybody else, not in my book - -00:23:51.289 --> 00:23:52.623 -Hey, I didn't say that - -00:23:52.707 --> 00:23:55.041 -Nor do I like being talked down to -or called stupid - -00:23:55.125 --> 00:23:58.086 -by a guy who went to college, -just 'cause he's got the jitters - -00:23:58.128 --> 00:24:00.297 -Fellas, it doesn't even matter -about the generator - -00:24:00.380 --> 00:24:01.756 -The food'll keep without it - -00:24:01.798 --> 00:24:04.551 -Kid, I'm gonna start the motor, -you raise the door, - -00:24:04.634 --> 00:24:06.261 -and you yell out -when you got enough room - -00:24:06.303 --> 00:24:07.846 -Yeah Okay, good - -00:24:07.929 --> 00:24:09.681 -Wait - -00:24:09.764 --> 00:24:10.724 -This is... - -00:24:10.807 --> 00:24:12.726 -You guys gonna let -this kid risk his life - -00:24:12.809 --> 00:24:14.519 -over a generator -that doesn't even matter? - -00:24:14.603 --> 00:24:16.021 -Would you just -shut the fuck up already? - -00:24:16.104 --> 00:24:17.063 -Norm! - -00:24:17.147 --> 00:24:19.149 -Listen, Mr Drayton on, -I tell you what - -00:24:19.232 --> 00:24:21.233 -The next time -you got somethin' to say, - -00:24:21.317 --> 00:24:22.651 -you count your teeth, - -00:24:22.735 --> 00:24:26.071 -because I'm sick to death -of your bullshit - -00:24:26.155 --> 00:24:27.615 -All right? - -00:24:27.698 --> 00:24:28.699 -Come on, Myron - -00:24:28.782 --> 00:24:30.451 -This is crazy! -Leave 'em be - -00:24:30.493 --> 00:24:32.495 -What am I, impugning -their manhood or something? - -00:24:33.037 --> 00:24:35.039 -Listen, they've lost -their sense of proportion - -00:24:35.122 --> 00:24:36.457 -What's going on here? - -00:24:36.499 --> 00:24:38.292 -Out there in the market, -they were scared and confused - -00:24:38.334 --> 00:24:40.336 -In here, there's a problem -they can solve, - -00:24:40.419 --> 00:24:42.463 -so they're goddamn gonna solve it - -00:24:42.505 --> 00:24:44.006 -Ready, kid? -- Let's rock - -00:24:44.089 --> 00:24:45.466 -Norm, come on - -00:24:45.508 --> 00:24:46.509 -Don't, man - -00:24:50.887 --> 00:24:52.055 -It's a mistake - -00:24:56.684 --> 00:24:57.811 -Pussy - -00:25:02.315 --> 00:25:03.441 -Go up! - -00:25:25.629 --> 00:25:26.755 -So - -00:25:26.839 --> 00:25:28.298 -any boogeymen? - -00:25:31.218 --> 00:25:32.719 -Pretty scary, ain't it, Norm? - -00:25:32.803 --> 00:25:34.847 -Yeah, right - -00:25:38.100 --> 00:25:39.101 -Norm - -00:25:40.269 --> 00:25:41.854 -Norm! - -00:25:41.937 --> 00:25:43.230 -What the fuck! - -00:25:43.313 --> 00:25:44.856 -Get it off! Get it off! - -00:25:44.939 --> 00:25:46.858 -Get this friggin' thing off me! - -00:25:46.899 --> 00:25:48.651 -Get it off! Help me! - -00:25:48.818 --> 00:25:50.528 -Help me! Help me! - -00:25:52.113 --> 00:25:53.531 -Jesus! - -00:26:03.749 --> 00:26:06.752 -There's more! There's more! - -00:26:07.336 --> 00:26:08.754 -Somebody help me - -00:26:10.798 --> 00:26:12.299 -Somebody help me - -00:26:12.382 --> 00:26:14.050 -What the fuck are you waitin' for? - -00:26:26.438 --> 00:26:27.814 -Hang on! - -00:26:37.532 --> 00:26:40.743 -Hold him still! -Hold him still! - -00:26:48.709 --> 00:26:50.711 -Oh, Jesus! - -00:27:24.118 --> 00:27:25.787 -Shit! Oh, shit! - -00:27:25.829 --> 00:27:27.956 -Oh, shit! - -00:27:29.707 --> 00:27:31.876 -David, it's no good! - -00:27:33.002 --> 00:27:34.504 -Start the generator - -00:28:43.737 --> 00:28:45.030 -Hey, I'm sorry - -00:28:48.074 --> 00:28:49.201 -I mean, how the... - -00:28:49.284 --> 00:28:51.328 -how the hell was I supposed -to know what you meant? - -00:28:52.746 --> 00:28:54.372 -You said you heard something - -00:28:55.707 --> 00:28:57.167 -How was I supposed to know -what you meant? - -00:28:57.250 --> 00:28:58.459 -You should've said -what you meant better - -00:28:58.542 --> 00:29:02.004 -I don't know, I thought maybe -it was a big bird or something - -00:29:02.588 --> 00:29:04.465 -You got that kid killed! - -00:29:04.548 --> 00:29:06.509 -Did you get a good look at it? Huh? - -00:29:06.592 --> 00:29:09.720 -Did you get a good look -at what you did? - -00:29:09.804 --> 00:29:11.013 -- Huh? -- David! - -00:29:11.096 --> 00:29:12.389 -Don't hit him any more! -Doesn't solve anything! - -00:29:12.473 --> 00:29:15.309 -You two assholes, -you got that kid killed! - -00:29:15.392 --> 00:29:17.353 -And I got his fuckin' blood on me! - -00:29:37.121 --> 00:29:39.249 -Okay, I'm done - -00:29:41.376 --> 00:29:42.377 -Okay - -00:29:45.463 --> 00:29:46.923 -What's next? - -00:29:47.966 --> 00:29:49.467 -Kill the generator - -00:29:49.968 --> 00:29:51.136 -That's the first thing - -00:29:55.055 --> 00:29:56.431 -I'm sorry - -00:30:01.103 --> 00:30:03.230 -Jesus Christ! Oh, God! - -00:30:03.313 --> 00:30:05.858 -I'm... I'm sorry about the kid - -00:30:07.901 --> 00:30:10.112 -Oh, God Oh, God Oh, God - -00:30:11.530 --> 00:30:12.865 -We oughtta get out of here - -00:30:17.244 --> 00:30:18.537 -Hey, we didn't twist his arm - -00:30:18.620 --> 00:30:21.914 -Yeah, he's a fuckin' kid -He's supposed to be stupid - -00:30:22.915 --> 00:30:24.834 -What's your excuse, huh? - -00:30:28.004 --> 00:30:29.338 -Get outta here - -00:30:30.423 --> 00:30:32.258 -Go back in the market -Stay by the door - -00:30:34.594 --> 00:30:36.554 -Don't say anything, to anybody - -00:30:38.097 --> 00:30:39.140 -Not yet - -00:30:40.725 --> 00:30:41.726 -Not yet - -00:30:56.781 --> 00:30:57.782 -Shit - -00:30:57.866 --> 00:31:01.077 -David? Need a little light here - -00:31:11.880 --> 00:31:13.673 -We have to tell 'em - -00:31:13.757 --> 00:31:16.592 -The people in the market, -we have to stop 'em going outside - -00:31:17.885 --> 00:31:19.220 -They won't believe us - -00:31:20.554 --> 00:31:21.514 -They have to - -00:31:21.597 --> 00:31:23.849 -I'm not sure I believe it -I was here. - -00:31:24.892 --> 00:31:27.019 -W- what we saw was impossible - -00:31:27.061 --> 00:31:29.021 -You know that, don't you? - -00:31:29.063 --> 00:31:30.064 -I mean, what... - -00:31:31.732 --> 00:31:33.067 -what do we say? - -00:31:34.068 --> 00:31:36.737 -How do we convince them? - -00:31:39.740 --> 00:31:43.743 -Ollie, what the hell were -those tentacles even attached to? - -00:31:49.582 --> 00:31:51.918 -Oh, my God! -Are... are you all right? - -00:31:52.001 --> 00:31:54.504 -Shh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, -it's not my blood I'm fine - -00:31:54.587 --> 00:31:55.880 -W- what the hell happened? - -00:31:55.964 --> 00:31:57.757 -I'll explain Give me a minute, okay? - -00:31:57.841 --> 00:31:59.843 -I need to deal with something first - -00:32:01.761 --> 00:32:03.346 -Please, I've got to... - -00:32:03.429 --> 00:32:06.141 -I can't let Billy see me like this -He's scared enough - -00:32:06.224 --> 00:32:09.060 -Just give me a minute -Keep him distracted Okay? - -00:32:09.144 --> 00:32:10.145 -Okay - -00:32:15.899 --> 00:32:18.819 -Hey, look, -I'm sorry about Norm - -00:32:18.902 --> 00:32:20.237 -Me too - -00:32:20.320 --> 00:32:22.739 -I mean, I ain't makin' excuses, -I'm just sayin' - -00:32:22.781 --> 00:32:24.074 -Look, we need to tell people - -00:32:24.158 --> 00:32:26.660 -No need to say how it went down -or anything like that, - -00:32:26.743 --> 00:32:29.496 -but, uh, we're in the deep shit here - -00:32:29.580 --> 00:32:31.039 -People need to know - -00:32:31.123 --> 00:32:32.666 -What about the out-of-towners? - -00:32:32.749 --> 00:32:35.502 -We got plenty of them in the store -Where do we even start? - -00:32:35.586 --> 00:32:37.796 -Brent Norton? -That windbag? - -00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:40.590 -He's an important attorney -in New York - -00:32:40.673 --> 00:32:42.842 -That fellow could be -on the bench one day - -00:32:42.925 --> 00:32:45.386 -Counts a lot with people of this town, -or... or any here - -00:32:45.470 --> 00:32:47.013 -Yeah, that's right -- Do it quick, David - -00:32:47.096 --> 00:32:50.016 -We've got to discuss how we’re gonna -stop that thing getting in here - -00:32:50.099 --> 00:32:51.851 -W- wait What do you mean -getting in? - -00:32:52.435 --> 00:32:53.936 -You shut the loading door - -00:32:54.020 --> 00:32:57.607 -Yeah, but the entire front of the store -is plate glass - -00:33:01.444 --> 00:33:03.404 -Jesus Christ - -00:33:13.997 --> 00:33:15.791 -I was wondering -where you’d gotten to - -00:33:15.874 --> 00:33:17.375 -Um, listen - -00:33:17.459 --> 00:33:20.212 -that guy that came in here, -the one with the bloody nose - -00:33:25.717 --> 00:33:29.221 -they're... they're... -We saw tentacles. - -00:33:29.304 --> 00:33:30.722 -Ain't goin' very well, is it? - -00:33:31.723 --> 00:33:33.266 -Unh-unh - -00:33:34.350 --> 00:33:35.851 -- You what? -- Come here, you’ve got... - -00:33:37.061 --> 00:33:38.270 -Come here - -00:33:40.356 --> 00:33:41.315 -Tell him - -00:33:43.400 --> 00:33:44.401 -It's true - -00:33:51.242 --> 00:33:53.661 -Tentacles Yeah - -00:34:02.836 --> 00:34:04.295 -Um, gentlemen, um - -00:34:05.547 --> 00:34:08.133 -I'm sorry, I... -I'm just not that stupid - -00:34:08.216 --> 00:34:09.592 -I mean, what do you take me for? - -00:34:09.676 --> 00:34:11.344 -I'm shocked - -00:34:12.428 --> 00:34:13.429 -I'm shocked - -00:34:13.513 --> 00:34:15.640 -I'm shocked It's pretty tasteless - -00:34:15.723 --> 00:34:17.684 -using what's happening here -to try to make me look like an idiot - -00:34:17.767 --> 00:34:19.435 -No, no, that's not -what's going on here - -00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:21.479 -Look, come back -to the loading dock, okay? - -00:34:21.563 --> 00:34:22.522 -I'll show you - -00:34:22.605 --> 00:34:26.192 -Blood A chunk of tentacle -on... on the floor - -00:34:26.276 --> 00:34:27.277 -No - -00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:29.028 -No? What do you mean no? - -00:34:29.112 --> 00:34:31.280 -No We've got real problems -to deal with here, - -00:34:31.363 --> 00:34:34.533 -and this pathetic attempt at a joke - -00:34:34.575 --> 00:34:36.535 -has gone far enough - -00:34:36.577 --> 00:34:39.580 -Mr Norton, what reason -could we possibly have...? - -00:34:39.663 --> 00:34:41.290 -Oh, please! Please! - -00:34:41.373 --> 00:34:43.834 -This is pay back for the lawsuit -that I filed against him last year, - -00:34:43.917 --> 00:34:45.752 -and you guys are backing him up - -00:34:45.836 --> 00:34:47.504 -So winning wasn't enough, huh? - -00:34:47.588 --> 00:34:49.756 -You wanted to humiliate me -some more, - -00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:52.176 -show me a rubber snake -while these... these hicks - -00:34:52.259 --> 00:34:53.552 -stand around laughing their asses off - -00:34:53.635 --> 00:34:54.887 -- Watch who you callin' a hick! -- Myron! Myron! - -00:34:54.970 --> 00:34:56.847 -- Hey, hey, fuck...! -Mr Norton - -00:34:56.930 --> 00:34:59.515 -I swear, you have -got us all wrong - -00:34:59.599 --> 00:35:04.061 -You're not too crazy about, -um, out-of-towners, are you? - -00:35:05.146 --> 00:35:07.190 -I only spend my money, -and I pay my taxes here, - -00:35:07.273 --> 00:35:11.110 -and I have seen you -talking behind my back - -00:35:12.528 --> 00:35:13.946 -Y'all stick together - -00:35:17.283 --> 00:35:18.951 -Well, don't I feel foolish? - -00:35:19.035 --> 00:35:21.537 -I actually thought you were -being kind to me today, - -00:35:21.621 --> 00:35:23.080 -and, well, thanks -for setting me straight - -00:35:23.164 --> 00:35:25.332 -And I'm glad that tree fell -on your boathouse, you know that? - -00:35:25.415 --> 00:35:27.793 -Glad Smashed it in -pretty good, didn't it? Fantastic - -00:35:27.876 --> 00:35:29.461 -Now, all of y'all, -just stay out of my way - -00:35:29.544 --> 00:35:32.088 -I know you’re scared, man -I'm scared too - -00:35:32.172 --> 00:35:34.257 -- Lives are at stake around here -- David... - -00:35:34.299 --> 00:35:36.635 -Okay, my son's life -Now, I need you. - -00:35:36.718 --> 00:35:40.263 -Brent, please, -get your head out of your ass - -00:35:40.347 --> 00:35:42.432 -All right, I'll drag you -back there if I have to - -00:35:42.474 --> 00:35:43.475 -Come here - -00:35:43.558 --> 00:35:46.561 -David, get your goddamn hands -off of me! - -00:35:46.645 --> 00:35:48.563 -I'll sue your ass again! - -00:35:48.647 --> 00:35:50.899 -Sue your ass, and this time -you’ll go to jail! - -00:35:50.982 --> 00:35:52.441 -This man assaulted me - -00:35:52.525 --> 00:35:55.152 -He assaulted me -You were witness to it - -00:35:55.236 --> 00:35:56.237 -This man's crazy -He's crazy - -00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:57.947 -No - -00:35:57.988 --> 00:36:00.407 -He isn't I wish he was, but he isn't - -00:36:02.618 --> 00:36:06.747 -E- every one in the store, -you want to come back here? - -00:36:07.832 --> 00:36:10.459 -There's something you need to hear -It concerns you all - -00:36:10.501 --> 00:36:11.794 -Okay - -00:36:11.877 --> 00:36:14.880 -W- w-wait I don't know -what you people think you’re doing - -00:36:14.964 --> 00:36:16.423 -You're drinking? - -00:36:16.507 --> 00:36:18.008 -For Christ's sake, Ollie - -00:36:19.009 --> 00:36:22.137 -Do you want me to report you? -You want to lose your job? - -00:36:22.178 --> 00:36:24.097 -Look, I'm gonna be taking down -names, starting with you - -00:36:24.180 --> 00:36:26.141 -And I am prepared to file -a police report - -00:36:26.182 --> 00:36:28.184 -- Fine, Bud, write down your names -- I will - -00:36:28.268 --> 00:36:31.104 -But in the meantime, -shut the fuck up and listen - -00:36:32.897 --> 00:36:34.149 -This is Mr David Drayton on - -00:36:34.190 --> 00:36:37.527 -You need to hear what he's got to say -if you’re thinking about leaving - -00:36:37.610 --> 00:36:39.279 -go hang out -with the ladies, all right? - -00:36:39.362 --> 00:36:40.655 -Listen, don't be scared - -00:36:42.866 --> 00:36:43.825 -It's okay - -00:36:46.035 --> 00:36:47.036 -Okay - -00:36:48.203 --> 00:36:49.538 -This is how it is - -00:36:49.621 --> 00:36:52.040 -Now, I don't know -what this mist is - -00:36:53.041 --> 00:36:55.294 -but there are things in it, and they're -dangerous, like Dan said - -00:36:55.377 --> 00:36:56.336 -That's right - -00:36:56.920 --> 00:36:58.755 -That's exactly right - -00:36:58.839 --> 00:37:00.674 -What kind of things? - -00:37:00.757 --> 00:37:02.759 -I never saw it -It happened too fast - -00:37:02.843 --> 00:37:04.636 -I got knocked down - -00:37:04.720 --> 00:37:06.847 -Five of us went back -in the loading dock - -00:37:06.930 --> 00:37:10.517 -It was Jim, Myron, Ollie - -00:37:10.601 --> 00:37:12.269 -me - -00:37:12.352 --> 00:37:13.812 -Norm, the bagboy - -00:37:13.896 --> 00:37:15.396 -- We opened the door -- Where's Norm? - -00:37:15.480 --> 00:37:19.192 -So Norm could go out -and clear the vent for the generator - -00:37:20.526 --> 00:37:22.153 -Something come out of the mist -and took him - -00:37:22.236 --> 00:37:23.196 -Took him? - -00:37:23.279 --> 00:37:24.864 -What do you mean? - -00:37:26.449 --> 00:37:27.617 -Just killed him - -00:37:27.700 --> 00:37:29.535 -I mean dragged him off - -00:37:29.619 --> 00:37:34.207 -Now, guys, I don't know -what these things are - -00:37:35.249 --> 00:37:36.751 -All we saw were tentacles - -00:37:40.713 --> 00:37:41.672 -Tentacles? - -00:37:44.883 --> 00:37:46.468 -Tentacles, he say - -00:37:47.052 --> 00:37:49.137 -Tentacles from Planet X - -00:37:49.221 --> 00:37:50.555 -It's a lie, you know - -00:37:50.597 --> 00:37:53.725 -I mean, all these people do -is just lie each other up - -00:37:53.809 --> 00:37:55.060 -It's a pile of shit - -00:37:55.101 --> 00:37:56.603 -Of course it's a lie -Of course it's a lie - -00:37:56.686 --> 00:37:57.687 -It's lunacy - -00:37:58.688 --> 00:38:01.233 -From the look of it, the tentacles -are coming out of the beer cans - -00:38:01.316 --> 00:38:03.026 -All right, uh, Bud, -don't take our word for it - -00:38:03.110 --> 00:38:04.069 -Go look - -00:38:10.825 --> 00:38:11.826 -Over there - -00:38:17.498 --> 00:38:18.999 -What the hell is that? - -00:38:51.489 --> 00:38:54.784 -It appears we may have a problem -of some magnitude here - -00:39:11.008 --> 00:39:12.468 -Yeah, just keep 'em in line -Thanks - -00:39:23.520 --> 00:39:25.147 -Let me - -00:39:27.357 --> 00:39:30.694 -help these people - -00:39:30.778 --> 00:39:32.613 -Let me... - -00:39:32.696 --> 00:39:34.655 -let me preach your word - -00:39:36.699 --> 00:39:39.118 -Let me shine your light, - -00:39:39.202 --> 00:39:41.662 -'cause they're not all bad - -00:39:42.705 --> 00:39:44.999 -They can't all be bad - -00:39:48.044 --> 00:39:51.964 -Some can be saved, can't they? - -00:39:52.048 --> 00:39:53.800 -Yes - -00:39:53.883 --> 00:39:55.343 -Some can be brought - -00:39:56.385 --> 00:39:59.639 -to heaven's holy gates -through your grace - -00:39:59.722 --> 00:40:00.932 -I have to believe that, - -00:40:01.015 --> 00:40:05.393 -though I know most will swim -in the lake of fire forever - -00:40:09.064 --> 00:40:10.690 -If I can save a few - -00:40:12.067 --> 00:40:14.027 -even one - -00:40:15.070 --> 00:40:17.531 -then my life will have counted -for something - -00:40:18.573 --> 00:40:21.368 -I will have pulled my weight - -00:40:21.451 --> 00:40:24.830 -I will have earned my place -at your side - -00:40:24.913 --> 00:40:29.208 -I will have served a purpose -here on this earth - -00:40:29.291 --> 00:40:30.793 -Hello? - -00:40:46.934 --> 00:40:48.185 -What? - -00:40:48.269 --> 00:40:50.479 -I just need to use the bathroom - -00:40:50.563 --> 00:40:51.522 -Oh - -00:40:52.773 --> 00:40:55.151 -Okay Well, then, have at it - -00:40:59.446 --> 00:41:00.697 -Ma'am - -00:41:01.781 --> 00:41:05.618 -I... I just want you to know -that it's okay... - -00:41:05.702 --> 00:41:07.370 -being scared, I mean... - -00:41:07.454 --> 00:41:09.998 -and, well, if you need a friend... - -00:41:10.081 --> 00:41:12.500 -you know, someone to talk to - -00:41:12.584 --> 00:41:14.544 -I have a friend... - -00:41:14.627 --> 00:41:18.548 -God up above -I talk to him every day - -00:41:18.631 --> 00:41:20.592 -Don't you condescend to me - -00:41:20.675 --> 00:41:21.801 -I'm sorry? - -00:41:21.885 --> 00:41:25.429 -Not ever -You don't mock me - -00:41:25.471 --> 00:41:27.097 -That's not what I was doing - -00:41:28.140 --> 00:41:30.100 -Well, I'll tell you what... - -00:41:30.184 --> 00:41:32.019 -the day I need a friend like you, - -00:41:32.102 --> 00:41:35.147 -I'll just have my self a little squat -and shit one out - -00:41:40.986 --> 00:41:42.654 -Maybe you do believe this - -00:41:42.738 --> 00:41:45.824 -Maybe they're not lies, -they're delusions Whatever - -00:41:45.908 --> 00:41:49.119 -Uh, the fact remains, -the evidence here is flimsy - -00:41:49.203 --> 00:41:51.246 -- It's bordering on ludicrous -- Hey, this isn't a courtroom - -00:41:52.246 --> 00:41:53.247 -You're not arguing a case, - -00:41:53.331 --> 00:41:54.874 -and you’re doing nothing but damage, -talking the way you are - -00:41:54.957 --> 00:41:57.919 -And you can throw as much cow's blood -around the loading dock as you want to - -00:41:58.002 --> 00:41:59.462 -You still haven't fooled any one - -00:41:59.504 --> 00:42:00.588 -Leave it alone, David - -00:42:00.671 --> 00:42:02.340 -You can't convince -some people there's a fire - -00:42:02.423 --> 00:42:04.425 -even when their hair is burning - -00:42:04.509 --> 00:42:05.968 -Denial is a powerful thing - -00:42:06.052 --> 00:42:07.053 -Well, keep talking - -00:42:07.136 --> 00:42:10.473 -I'll have no part of it, -nor would any thinking person - -00:42:10.515 --> 00:42:13.226 -Keep thinking, Mr Lawyer - -00:42:13.309 --> 00:42:16.229 -There's no defence -against the will of God - -00:42:16.312 --> 00:42:18.481 -There's no court of appeals in hell - -00:42:18.564 --> 00:42:20.982 -There's no defence here, either - -00:42:21.024 --> 00:42:23.276 -Not even with all the fertilizer -in the world, - -00:42:23.360 --> 00:42:25.821 -not even if you stack it -as high as you can - -00:42:25.904 --> 00:42:28.448 -It's still just bags of shit, isn't it? - -00:42:28.532 --> 00:42:30.492 -Those of you who want to discuss -this thing rationally - -00:42:30.575 --> 00:42:34.621 -to find a means of rescue -are welcome to join me - -00:42:34.704 --> 00:42:37.332 -Those who want to stack dog food, - -00:42:37.415 --> 00:42:38.959 -knock yourselves out - -00:42:42.712 --> 00:42:45.048 -We got those windows taped up -as best we could - -00:42:45.132 --> 00:42:46.299 -It should help - -00:42:46.383 --> 00:42:47.675 -Yeah, think so? - -00:42:49.718 --> 00:42:51.554 -Duct tape and dog food bags - -00:42:53.764 --> 00:42:55.099 -That bad? - -00:42:55.182 --> 00:42:56.142 -It's not good - -00:42:56.225 --> 00:42:59.395 -There's none so blind -as those who will not see - -00:43:00.688 --> 00:43:02.273 -Open your eyes - -00:43:02.356 --> 00:43:04.608 -Let the scales fall away - -00:43:04.692 --> 00:43:06.652 -This has all been written - -00:43:08.195 --> 00:43:11.532 -Revelations, chapter 15: - -00:43:11.574 --> 00:43:13.909 -"And the temple was filled with smoke - -00:43:13.993 --> 00:43:16.161 -"from the glory of God - -00:43:16.244 --> 00:43:17.620 -"and from his power, - -00:43:17.704 --> 00:43:19.164 -"and no one could enter the temple - -00:43:19.247 --> 00:43:23.251 -until the seven plagues -of the seven angels were completed" - -00:43:23.334 --> 00:43:25.628 -Well, what are you saying? - -00:43:25.712 --> 00:43:27.046 -What are you proposing? - -00:43:27.088 --> 00:43:28.715 -That we all prepare - -00:43:30.216 --> 00:43:31.593 -to meet our Maker - -00:43:31.676 --> 00:43:33.845 -Oh, prepare to meet shit! - -00:43:34.888 --> 00:43:37.390 -Lady, your tongue -must be hung in the middle - -00:43:37.474 --> 00:43:39.392 -so that it can waggle at both ends - -00:43:39.434 --> 00:43:41.227 -The end time has come, - -00:43:41.269 --> 00:43:43.061 -not in flames, but in mist - -00:43:43.103 --> 00:43:44.104 -Come here! - -00:43:44.188 --> 00:43:45.314 -Easy! Back off! - -00:43:45.397 --> 00:43:48.400 -How about if your ass prepares -to meet my size-10 work boot - -00:43:48.484 --> 00:43:49.485 -How about that? - -00:43:49.568 --> 00:43:51.028 -Hey, there's no call for that - -00:43:51.111 --> 00:43:53.697 -Myron, please, -calm your friend down - -00:43:53.781 --> 00:43:56.533 -I'm trying -to save your soul, you stupid man - -00:43:56.617 --> 00:43:58.786 -- Doubters will doubt till the end -- It's okay - -00:43:58.869 --> 00:43:59.912 -No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - -00:43:59.995 --> 00:44:02.581 -A monstrosity did pull -that poor boy away - -00:44:03.165 --> 00:44:06.543 -Things in the mist... -do you doubt? - -00:44:06.627 --> 00:44:07.586 -Do you? - -00:44:09.171 --> 00:44:11.089 -Then go out - -00:44:11.172 --> 00:44:13.549 -Go out and say, -"How do you do" - -00:44:13.633 --> 00:44:14.592 -Shut up, lady - -00:44:16.344 --> 00:44:17.553 -For God's sakes - -00:44:17.637 --> 00:44:19.764 -Look, you’ll have to stop now -You're scaring the children - -00:44:19.847 --> 00:44:21.265 -They should be scared - -00:44:21.307 --> 00:44:24.018 -Oh, yes, they should - -00:44:25.019 --> 00:44:27.563 -Their beautiful, pure little minds - -00:44:27.647 --> 00:44:30.108 -have been corrupted with lies - -00:44:30.191 --> 00:44:31.192 -Lies - -00:44:31.275 --> 00:44:33.361 -All this talk of a modern God, - -00:44:33.444 --> 00:44:36.114 -or no God - -00:44:36.197 --> 00:44:37.864 -There is one God - -00:44:37.948 --> 00:44:39.616 -The God of the Israelites - -00:44:39.658 --> 00:44:42.494 -And he is a stern and vengeful God, - -00:44:42.577 --> 00:44:45.122 -and we have been mocking him -far too long, - -00:44:45.205 --> 00:44:48.875 -and now he demands -retribution in blood - -00:44:48.959 --> 00:44:51.628 -It is time to declare yourselves - -00:44:51.670 --> 00:44:53.338 -Take sides... - -00:44:53.422 --> 00:44:55.257 -the saved and the damned - -00:44:55.340 --> 00:44:58.802 -Read the Good Book -It calls for expiation - -00:44:58.885 --> 00:45:00.720 -- Blood! +00:19:47.978 --> 00:19:49.520 - What? +- Drive. -00:45:00.804 --> 00:45:01.763 -Blood +00:19:53.150 --> 00:19:55.818 +Now, wait a second. Wait a second. -00:45:03.014 --> 00:45:04.641 -Little Normie was first, +00:19:55.903 --> 00:19:58.738 +- Have you driven a car before? +- Yes, many times. -00:45:04.724 --> 00:45:07.810 -and now God calls the rest of us +00:19:58.822 --> 00:20:00.156 +All right, let's go this way. -00:45:07.852 --> 00:45:09.353 -The bill is due +00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:02.491 +I don't want you hitting anybody. -00:45:09.437 --> 00:45:10.938 -It must be paid +00:20:02.576 --> 00:20:04.285 +Use two hands, now. -00:45:11.021 --> 00:45:13.983 -As Abraham prepared -to sacrifice his only son +00:20:05.495 --> 00:20:07.121 +- What? +- Two hands. -00:45:14.066 --> 00:45:15.568 -to prove his love for God, so... +00:20:07.206 --> 00:20:10.374 +But then it look like I am holding +a Gypsy while he eat my chram. -00:45:15.651 --> 00:45:16.819 -Enough +00:20:10.459 --> 00:20:13.836 +I don't care. +You use two hands when you drive, okay? -00:45:23.033 --> 00:45:25.453 -- Ohh -- Another down payment +00:20:14.171 --> 00:20:15.463 +Okay. -00:45:25.536 --> 00:45:26.996 -A few more pennies in the jar +00:20:19.635 --> 00:20:22.094 +- Okay. +- Watch the children. -00:45:27.037 --> 00:45:28.080 -Now, that's nice, see +00:20:22.179 --> 00:20:24.096 +Okay, no problem. -00:45:28.080 --> 00:45:30.082 -I can't smack her, -but it's okay for you +00:20:24.181 --> 00:20:26.807 +You must not hit the children. -00:45:30.166 --> 00:45:31.500 -I- I'm sorry every body, +00:20:26.892 --> 00:20:28.893 +Look, there is a woman in a car. -00:45:31.542 --> 00:45:34.544 -but this lady's perspective is -a little too Old Testament for my taste +00:20:28.977 --> 00:20:30.186 +Can we follow her? -00:45:34.627 --> 00:45:36.129 -They'll come for you +00:20:30.270 --> 00:20:32.647 +- And maybe make sexy-time with her? +- No, no, no. -00:45:37.172 --> 00:45:39.632 -Maybe tonight, -when darkness comes +00:20:32.731 --> 00:20:34.649 +- Let's get her. Why not? +- No, no, no. -00:45:41.217 --> 00:45:44.095 -They'll come tonight, -and they'll take someone else +00:20:34.733 --> 00:20:38.861 +Because a woman has a right +to choose who she has sex with. -00:45:44.179 --> 00:45:46.139 -See if they don't +00:20:38.946 --> 00:20:41.364 +- What? You joke? +- How about that? Isn't that amazing? -00:45:46.222 --> 00:45:47.974 -And when they do, +00:20:41.448 --> 00:20:44.575 +There must be consent. How about that? -00:45:48.057 --> 00:45:50.685 -you will cry to God, +00:20:45.327 --> 00:20:46.661 +That's good, huh? -00:45:50.727 --> 00:45:54.397 -and you will beg Mother Carmody -to show you the way +00:20:46.745 --> 00:20:49.622 +- Is not good for me. +- It is good. -00:45:54.481 --> 00:45:55.815 -That's fine +00:20:49.706 --> 00:20:51.582 +- Steer the car. +- Okay. -00:45:56.900 --> 00:45:59.152 -But until then, -if you don't shut up, +00:20:51.667 --> 00:20:54.085 +- You want have a drink? +- You can't drink that. -00:45:59.235 --> 00:46:01.195 -I'll wrap this tape around your mouth +00:20:54.169 --> 00:20:56.754 +- Why not? What? +- It's against the law. -00:46:01.278 --> 00:46:03.614 -You just try it, Ollie Weeks +00:20:59.007 --> 00:21:01.884 +Who is this car that follow us? +I wish it didn't follow us. -00:46:03.697 --> 00:46:05.157 -And you, bitch +00:21:01.969 --> 00:21:03.761 +- I don't know. +- Maybe we'll lose them. -00:46:06.658 --> 00:46:08.160 -you hit me again +00:21:03.845 --> 00:21:05.680 +No, we better not lose them. -00:46:09.161 --> 00:46:10.329 -if you dare +00:21:06.682 --> 00:21:09.725 +Hey, don't look at me. Eat my tits! -00:46:11.330 --> 00:46:13.999 -You'll be on your knees to me -before this is through +00:21:09.810 --> 00:21:11.602 +We'll make a right turn up here. -00:46:20.756 --> 00:46:22.549 -Those of you who aren't local -should know +00:21:11.687 --> 00:21:14.855 +Don't look at me like that. +I will eat your shit. -00:46:22.591 --> 00:46:25.427 -that Mrs Carmody -is known in town for being +00:21:14.940 --> 00:21:16.983 +- Hey, you fuck my mother! +- Hey, hey. -00:46:26.512 --> 00:46:27.513 -unstable +00:21:17.067 --> 00:21:19.610 +- No, he do before. He look on me. +- You can't do that. -00:46:27.596 --> 00:46:30.973 -No shit -What was your first clue? +00:21:19.695 --> 00:21:22.154 +They're gonna throw us in jail, +me with you. -00:46:34.060 --> 00:46:35.520 -Shh +00:21:22.239 --> 00:21:24.782 +Why in a jail? He look on me. -00:46:36.604 --> 00:46:38.397 -Hi +00:21:24.866 --> 00:21:27.285 +- Behind. +- You can't say that. -00:46:38.481 --> 00:46:39.649 -What's up, little dude? +00:21:27.369 --> 00:21:28.953 +I like you, do you like me? -00:46:39.732 --> 00:46:41.526 -How come your friends -don't come get us? +00:21:29.037 --> 00:21:31.539 +- I do like you. +- You are my friend? -00:46:41.609 --> 00:46:43.069 -They got tanks and stuff, right? +00:21:31.623 --> 00:21:33.624 +You're nice and I am your friend. -00:46:44.529 --> 00:46:45.905 -Why can't you just call 'em? +00:21:33.709 --> 00:21:35.001 +You will be my boyfriend? -00:46:45.988 --> 00:46:47.156 -Phones don’t work +00:21:35.085 --> 00:21:38.379 +- I won't be your boyfriend. +- Why not? You do not like me? -00:46:47.240 --> 00:46:48.991 -But don't you got, like, a radio? +00:21:38.463 --> 00:21:41.841 +I could be. It depends. +Well, boyfriend, yeah, I can. -00:46:49.075 --> 00:46:50.535 -Hey, champ, what's going on? +00:21:42.884 --> 00:21:44.468 +Great success. -00:46:50.618 --> 00:46:52.745 -I want their friends -to come rescue us +00:21:44.553 --> 00:21:47.638 +Now time to make purchase of motorcars. -00:46:52.829 --> 00:46:54.831 -They would if they could, pal -They're stuck here just like us +00:21:47.723 --> 00:21:52.018 +I want to have a car that attract +a woman with a shave down below. -00:46:54.914 --> 00:46:55.873 -But... +00:21:52.894 --> 00:21:54.937 +Well, that would be a Corvette +or a Hummer. -00:46:55.957 --> 00:46:57.833 -Shh Now, guys, we could use -a hand over there +00:21:55.022 --> 00:21:56.188 +JIM SELL +GM Salesman -00:46:57.916 --> 00:46:58.875 -Yeah, sure thing +00:21:56.273 --> 00:21:58.399 +We will try to help you out here. -00:46:58.959 --> 00:47:00.419 -Troop, off your asses +00:21:59.901 --> 00:22:03.529 +A man yesterday tell me if I buy a car -00:47:00.460 --> 00:47:03.547 -You all right? -- I don't like that scary lady +00:22:03.613 --> 00:22:05.823 +I must buy one with a pussy magnet. -00:47:03.630 --> 00:47:05.924 -Oh, man, I don't either +00:22:05.907 --> 00:22:07.783 +He means a car that women will like. -00:47:06.007 --> 00:47:07.467 -But you know what? +00:22:07.868 --> 00:22:09.994 +Yes, but where you keep this magnet? -00:47:08.468 --> 00:47:10.262 -Maybe she's scared too +00:22:10.078 --> 00:22:12.830 +No, there's no magnet. That was just... +He means the vehicle. -00:47:11.304 --> 00:47:12.264 -You think? +00:22:12.914 --> 00:22:14.248 +Women love the Hummers. -00:47:13.306 --> 00:47:14.808 -You think Mommy's okay? +00:22:14.333 --> 00:22:16.834 +- Do this have a pussy magnet? +- No. -00:47:15.809 --> 00:47:18.145 -Billy +00:22:16.918 --> 00:22:18.586 +The vehicle itself will be a magnet. -00:47:21.022 --> 00:47:23.191 -I'm sorry about the times -I was bad to her +00:22:18.670 --> 00:22:24.050 +If I give you good price, +will you please put in pussy magnet? -00:47:23.275 --> 00:47:24.233 -Aw, hey +00:22:24.134 --> 00:22:28.054 +Yeah, but there's no such thing +in this country as a magnet. -00:47:25.317 --> 00:47:28.446 -Mommy loves you very much +00:22:28.638 --> 00:22:31.974 +If this car drive into a group of Gypsy, -00:47:28.487 --> 00:47:29.989 -And I'll bet she's fine +00:22:32.059 --> 00:22:34.185 +will there be any damage to the car? -00:47:31.824 --> 00:47:33.826 -And I promise you, +00:22:34.269 --> 00:22:37.188 +- It depends on how hard you hit them. +- Hard. -00:47:33.909 --> 00:47:37.079 -I'm gonna do everything I can -to get us back to her +00:22:37.272 --> 00:22:38.689 +Yeah, hard. You might, -00:47:38.664 --> 00:47:40.040 -- Okay? -- 'Kay +00:22:38.774 --> 00:22:42.526 +if somebody rolls on the windshield, +crack your windshield. -00:47:41.125 --> 00:47:42.543 -- Yeah? -- 'Kay +00:22:42.611 --> 00:22:45.863 +How fast do I need to go +to guarantee I kill him? -00:47:43.544 --> 00:47:46.380 -So, we can use the charcoal fluid -and the mops +00:22:45.947 --> 00:22:48.824 +Let me tell you something, +with this vehicle, probably doing 35, -00:47:46.464 --> 00:47:47.798 -to make torches +00:22:48.909 --> 00:22:51.369 +- 40 miles an hour would do it. +- Great. -00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:49.717 -And we've got knives and stuff, -God knows +00:22:51.453 --> 00:22:55.122 +When I buy my wife, -00:47:49.800 --> 00:47:52.177 -This maybe -a silly question, Bud, but +00:22:55.207 --> 00:22:58.376 +at the start, she was cook good, -00:47:53.178 --> 00:47:55.013 -do you happen to have -a gun in the store? +00:22:58.460 --> 00:23:01.796 +her vagina work well +and she strong on plow. -00:47:56.014 --> 00:47:57.849 -Here? No Please +00:23:01.880 --> 00:23:05.091 +But after three years, when she was 15, -00:47:57.932 --> 00:47:59.642 -This... this isn't Los Angeles +00:23:05.175 --> 00:23:10.721 +then she become weak, her voice +become deep, "Borat, Borat." -00:47:59.726 --> 00:48:01.394 -I've got a shotgun in my truck +00:23:10.806 --> 00:23:14.725 +She receive hair on chest -00:48:02.729 --> 00:48:04.230 -I could try for it if you want +00:23:14.810 --> 00:23:18.312 +and her vagina hang like sleeve of wizard. -00:48:04.314 --> 00:48:06.566 -Oh, God, I don't think that'd be -a good idea, Mr Cornell +00:23:18.397 --> 00:23:20.523 +Huh. Jeez. -00:48:06.649 --> 00:48:07.609 -Hold on +00:23:20.982 --> 00:23:24.819 +How do I know that +this will not happen with a car? -00:48:10.153 --> 00:48:11.613 -This gun, um +00:23:25.737 --> 00:23:28.155 +Chevrolet guarantees that with a warranty. -00:48:11.696 --> 00:48:13.573 -my husband's idea +00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:31.117 +I like very much buy this Hummers. -00:48:13.656 --> 00:48:15.617 -He's away on business a lot +00:23:31.201 --> 00:23:33.744 +- How much is it? +- 52,000. -00:48:15.700 --> 00:48:16.868 -It's not even loaded +00:23:34.162 --> 00:23:40.751 +I am looking for something between +$600 to $650. -00:48:16.951 --> 00:48:18.578 -Ain't much use unloaded, ma'am +00:23:40.836 --> 00:23:43.838 +We don't have any cars for 650 +that you can buy. -00:48:18.661 --> 00:48:19.620 -Um +00:23:43.922 --> 00:23:46.048 +I might be able to sell you +a wholesale car. -00:48:23.332 --> 00:48:24.750 -You know how to use that? +00:23:46.133 --> 00:23:48.551 +A car with a lot of miles for 700 +with no warranty. -00:48:24.833 --> 00:48:26.418 -Well, I shot it once on a pistol range +00:23:48.635 --> 00:23:49.885 +- Okay. +- Come on. -00:48:26.502 --> 00:48:27.961 -Hit the target a few times +00:24:02.441 --> 00:24:04.567 +California, I coming! -00:48:29.004 --> 00:48:31.590 -So, we got a gun +00:24:14.411 --> 00:24:17.913 +First stops on our journey +was Washington, D.C., -00:48:31.673 --> 00:48:33.592 -Anybody know how to shoot it? +00:24:17.998 --> 00:24:21.459 +home of mighty U.S. warlord, +Premier Bush. -00:48:33.675 --> 00:48:35.010 -Well, I mean? +00:24:22.627 --> 00:24:23.836 +Look who has an embassy here! -00:48:35.094 --> 00:48:36.095 -I do +00:24:23.920 --> 00:24:27.381 +Uzbekistan. Fuck you, motherfuckers! -00:48:38.889 --> 00:48:39.848 -You? +00:24:28.258 --> 00:24:31.635 +We arrive here to learn +from American politic. -00:48:39.932 --> 00:48:42.768 -Ollie Please +00:24:32.095 --> 00:24:35.848 +Azamat arrange interview +with Party official from ruling regime. -00:48:48.106 --> 00:48:50.024 -Some target shooting +00:24:35.932 --> 00:24:37.099 +BOB BARR +Former Georgia Congressman -00:48:50.066 --> 00:48:52.276 -State champion in '94 +00:24:37.184 --> 00:24:41.061 +- We are good friend, Bob Barr, yes? +- I hope so. -00:48:52.360 --> 00:48:54.195 -You're crazy if you go out there! -Let us pass! +00:24:41.229 --> 00:24:46.233 +It is a custom have cheese at the start. -00:48:54.278 --> 00:48:56.197 -Let us pass, please! +00:24:47.819 --> 00:24:49.153 +Thank you. -00:48:56.280 --> 00:48:57.281 -Let's just talk this thing through +00:24:49.696 --> 00:24:53.282 +My wife, she make this cheese. -00:48:57.365 --> 00:48:59.534 -We have, and we've -made our decision We're leaving +00:24:53.366 --> 00:24:54.950 +Very nice. -00:48:59.575 --> 00:49:02.620 -Hey, Mr Mackey's gonna barbecue -some chicken on the gas grill +00:24:55.035 --> 00:24:57.536 +She make it from milk from her tit. -00:49:02.703 --> 00:49:03.913 -Why don’t we just -sit down and just... +00:25:05.795 --> 00:25:11.133 +After interview, I encounters +traditional American street festival. -00:49:03.913 --> 00:49:05.039 -What, and let you keep on talking? +00:25:12.219 --> 00:25:15.513 +GAY PRIDE PARADE -00:49:05.081 --> 00:49:07.208 -No, I've been in far too many -courtrooms to fall for that +00:25:17.557 --> 00:25:21.602 +People here were much more friendly +than in New York. -00:49:07.250 --> 00:49:09.377 -You've already psyched out -half a dozen of my people already +00:25:28.026 --> 00:25:33.364 +Next morning, I interview politician +who is a genuine chocolate-face. -00:49:09.460 --> 00:49:10.461 -Your people? +00:25:33.448 --> 00:25:34.990 +No makeup. -00:49:10.545 --> 00:49:12.380 -What kind of talk is that? -They're people, that's all +00:25:35.075 --> 00:25:36.283 +ALAN KEYES +2-time Republican Presidential Candidate -00:49:12.422 --> 00:49:13.881 -Now... now listen, every one +00:25:36.368 --> 00:25:38.702 +On Sunday, I arrive in Washington. -00:49:13.923 --> 00:49:16.925 -We are experiencing -some kind of disaster +00:25:38.787 --> 00:25:40.538 +There was a parade. -00:49:17.008 --> 00:49:19.010 -I don't know whether -it's manmade or natural, +00:25:40.622 --> 00:25:43.874 +I make two friends from this parade. -00:49:19.094 --> 00:49:22.973 -but I do know that -it's definitely not supernatural +00:25:43.959 --> 00:25:46.794 +I invite them back my hotel room. -00:49:23.056 --> 00:49:25.350 -or biblical, -and, no offense, Mrs Carmody, +00:25:46.878 --> 00:25:49.505 +We drink like normal in Kazakhstan. -00:49:25.434 --> 00:49:27.060 -but the only way -we're gonna help ourselves +00:25:49.589 --> 00:25:52.216 +We wrestle like normal in Kazakhstan. -00:49:27.102 --> 00:49:28.770 -is to seek rescue +00:25:52.300 --> 00:25:56.470 +Then they say, "I wash you in a shower," +and he wash me in a shower. -00:49:30.647 --> 00:49:31.648 -We're going out +00:25:56.805 --> 00:25:59.932 +It sounds like +you met somebody who is from -00:49:34.317 --> 00:49:36.361 -- Brent, look -- I'm not discussing this any further +00:26:00.016 --> 00:26:02.351 +what is called in America, +the gay community. -00:49:36.445 --> 00:49:38.613 -I know I just want to ask a favor +00:26:02.435 --> 00:26:05.354 +- What it mean, "Gay," this word? +- Homosexual. -00:49:40.323 --> 00:49:41.825 -Tie this around your waist +00:26:05.814 --> 00:26:07.856 +A homosexual? You mean... -00:49:41.908 --> 00:49:43.075 -What for? +00:26:13.822 --> 00:26:17.950 +Are you telling me the man +who try to put a rubber fist in my anus -00:49:43.117 --> 00:49:45.244 -It'll let us know you got -at least 300 feet +00:26:18.034 --> 00:26:19.827 +was a homosexual? -00:49:47.455 --> 00:49:48.456 -I'll do it +00:26:25.333 --> 00:26:27.960 +Even though my anus was broken -00:49:50.040 --> 00:49:51.500 -Are you throwing in with them? +00:26:28.044 --> 00:26:32.089 +I knew that rest of our journey +would be great success. -00:49:51.584 --> 00:49:53.669 -Me? No thanks +00:26:32.173 --> 00:26:35.968 +We left Washington +and continued towards California. -00:49:53.753 --> 00:49:56.213 -I think your man there -is a little too tightly wound +00:26:36.344 --> 00:26:37.720 +Howdy, partners! -00:49:56.297 --> 00:49:58.507 -Gonna get somebody killed +00:26:38.930 --> 00:26:41.849 +Yes, minister, we're on schedule. -00:49:58.591 --> 00:50:01.385 -But I'm thinkin' we could use -that shotgun of yours +00:26:42.684 --> 00:26:45.185 +Yes, I'm standing in +the middle of Times Square. -00:50:01.969 --> 00:50:04.096 -I saw where you parked -when I pulled in +00:26:45.937 --> 00:26:48.480 +It's time to prepare for your +TV appearance. -00:50:04.180 --> 00:50:06.348 -Red pickup, right? -Far entrance? +00:26:48.565 --> 00:26:51.942 +Remember to talk of singing +national anthem at rodeo. -00:50:06.432 --> 00:50:08.392 -Son, you got brass balls +00:26:52.027 --> 00:26:53.944 +Don't worry, I am a TV professional. -00:50:09.351 --> 00:50:11.186 -The shells are -in the glove compartment +00:26:54.571 --> 00:26:57.281 +Now, building our station around you. -00:50:11.269 --> 00:50:12.228 -Drive it back +00:26:57.365 --> 00:27:00.618 +This is 16 WAPT News This Morning, -00:50:14.689 --> 00:50:15.940 -All right +00:27:00.702 --> 00:27:04.288 +named best newscast in the state +by the Associated Press. -00:50:16.024 --> 00:50:17.692 -Just see they're paying out this line +00:27:04.372 --> 00:27:07.249 +This morning we have +a special guest here in the studio. -00:50:17.776 --> 00:50:19.944 -Line's up, I'll cut her loose, +00:27:07.334 --> 00:27:09.376 +This is Borhat Sagadiyev. -00:50:20.028 --> 00:50:21.529 -just so you understand +00:27:09.461 --> 00:27:13.130 +He is traveling across America to get the +taste of life here in the United States. -00:50:21.613 --> 00:50:22.572 -Yeah +00:27:13.214 --> 00:27:15.090 +He spent the last few days here. -00:50:30.205 --> 00:50:32.540 -You sure there's no way -I can talk you out of this? +00:27:15.175 --> 00:27:18.469 +- Good morning to you. +- Hello, my name Borat. Hello. -00:50:32.624 --> 00:50:33.583 -David +00:27:18.553 --> 00:27:20.638 +Hello. Thank you. -00:50:34.626 --> 00:50:37.878 -there's nothing out there -Nothing in the mist +00:27:21.681 --> 00:27:25.684 +Before we start, can you tell me, +because I want make urines, -00:50:37.961 --> 00:50:39.922 -What if you’re wrong? +00:27:25.769 --> 00:27:29.063 +then I come back here and... -00:50:41.006 --> 00:50:42.508 -Then, I guess +00:27:29.147 --> 00:27:31.857 +If you tell me one minute +before we start... -00:50:44.551 --> 00:50:47.554 -the joke would be on me after all +00:27:31.941 --> 00:27:35.986 +We started. +We are actually live on the air right now. -00:50:52.851 --> 00:50:54.103 -We're gonna send back help +00:27:36.071 --> 00:27:38.447 +- I am very excite. +- Yes. -00:50:55.229 --> 00:50:57.564 -You'll die out there -All of you +00:27:38.531 --> 00:27:43.118 +Hello, U.S. and A.! Hello, U.S. and A.! +I'm very excite! -00:51:10.326 --> 00:51:13.496 -Hey, crazy lady, -I believe in God too +00:27:43.203 --> 00:27:45.496 +I'm very excite to be here. -00:51:13.579 --> 00:51:16.165 -I just don't think -he's the bloodthirsty asshole +00:27:45.580 --> 00:27:47.081 +And hello! -00:51:16.249 --> 00:51:17.583 -you make him out to be +00:27:48.166 --> 00:27:49.750 +Hello to you as well. -00:51:17.667 --> 00:51:20.378 -Well, you take that up with the devil -when you run into him +00:27:49.834 --> 00:27:52.753 +Now, real quickly, why are you here +in the United States? -00:51:20.461 --> 00:51:21.963 -You just chat it over at your leisure +00:27:52.837 --> 00:27:57.508 +Because I want to learn from U.S. and A, -00:51:30.721 --> 00:51:32.639 -Well, let's strike out -toward the center of town +00:27:57.592 --> 00:28:04.515 +your culture, and to understand +from how a thing happen -00:51:51.783 --> 00:51:52.951 -Keep it loose +00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:07.351 +and to take this lesson +back to my country. -00:52:08.924 --> 00:52:10.384 -Nice and easy +00:28:07.435 --> 00:28:10.104 +- All right. Would you like to have a seat? +- Yes. -00:52:10.468 --> 00:52:11.719 -Keep going +00:28:10.188 --> 00:28:12.022 +Please sit, please sit, please sit. -00:52:29.402 --> 00:52:30.361 -Look +00:28:12.107 --> 00:28:14.566 +Now, one of the things +that you've enjoyed so much about... -00:52:33.573 --> 00:52:34.824 -It's going +00:28:14.651 --> 00:28:17.861 +Can I have a microphone +so people can hear me? -00:52:36.910 --> 00:52:38.078 -They're doing good +00:28:17.946 --> 00:28:20.322 +They can hear you right now. +You are miked up. -00:52:56.136 --> 00:52:57.346 -Put it down! +00:28:20.407 --> 00:28:22.116 +This right here, that's the microphone. -00:52:58.430 --> 00:53:00.682 -Pull! +00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:24.993 +Hello. Hello, nice meet you. -00:53:02.559 --> 00:53:04.978 -Oh, my God! -I'm slippin'! +00:28:25.787 --> 00:28:29.707 +Well, welcome to the United States. +Thank you very much for coming on. -00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:08.816 -Pull! Back up! Back up! -Back up! +00:28:29.791 --> 00:28:32.251 +When you come to Kazakhstan, -00:53:22.246 --> 00:53:23.246 -Get it off! +00:28:32.335 --> 00:28:35.212 +- you can stay in my house. +- Well, thank you so much. -00:53:32.672 --> 00:53:33.631 -Oh, my God +00:28:35.296 --> 00:28:38.006 +You can sleep my house +and you can use my sister. -00:53:40.346 --> 00:53:41.806 -Aw, sh... -Blood! +00:28:38.091 --> 00:28:40.300 +Meteorologist Ken Johnson +will have the latest -00:53:41.889 --> 00:53:43.641 -Awww, sh...! +00:28:40.385 --> 00:28:43.178 +on tropical storm Emily when we return. -00:53:43.683 --> 00:53:45.351 -Oh, my God! +00:28:43.763 --> 00:28:45.431 +Ten seconds, stand by. -00:53:46.519 --> 00:53:48.813 -Oh, my God! +00:28:45.724 --> 00:28:49.601 +This is 16 WAPT News This Morning. -00:54:03.368 --> 00:54:04.661 -Cut the rope! +00:28:49.728 --> 00:28:52.396 +Traffic is flowing along smoothly +along Interstate 55. -00:54:07.414 --> 00:54:08.331 -Shut the door! +00:28:52.480 --> 00:28:54.815 +Dry conditions. +If you're heading to the north, -00:54:14.171 --> 00:54:16.131 -Now do you see? +00:28:54.899 --> 00:28:57.901 +not too far away from Attala County, +there's some showers there. -00:54:18.175 --> 00:54:19.633 -Now do you believe? +00:28:57.986 --> 00:29:01.238 +Check that out on +the radar this morning and... -00:54:29.560 --> 00:54:31.395 -About a half-hour of day light left +00:29:01.322 --> 00:29:04.575 +Thank you, very nice for have me. -00:54:32.730 --> 00:54:34.523 -guys, how's it going -with these work lights? +00:29:04.659 --> 00:29:06.118 +What your name? -00:54:34.565 --> 00:54:35.900 -We're gettin' 'em rigged up all right +00:29:06.202 --> 00:29:08.245 +We're on air right now doing the weather. -00:54:36.901 --> 00:54:38.235 -Yeah, check it out +00:29:08.329 --> 00:29:10.581 +- What your name? +- We're doing the weather right now. -00:54:38.319 --> 00:54:40.821 -All right, all right -Save it, save it +00:29:10.665 --> 00:29:13.792 +Go over here with Adrian. +She's calling you to go over here. -00:54:40.905 --> 00:54:42.698 -These batteries ain't topped up +00:29:13.877 --> 00:29:15.669 +- It is a she? +- Yes. -00:54:42.782 --> 00:54:44.909 -You turn the lights on, -it's gonna drain 'em quick +00:29:15.754 --> 00:29:19.006 +- Very nice. +- Yeah, go. Go... -00:54:44.992 --> 00:54:46.077 -How quick? +00:29:20.884 --> 00:29:22.885 +- Go over here with... +- What is your name? -00:54:46.160 --> 00:54:48.161 -- Five minutes, maybe ten -- Yeah, if that +00:29:22.969 --> 00:29:24.720 +I'm the weather guy. -00:54:48.244 --> 00:54:50.246 -Okay, emergencies only +00:29:26.848 --> 00:29:28.015 +Okay... -00:54:51.247 --> 00:54:52.749 -If something gets in the store +00:29:30.477 --> 00:29:33.854 +Let's go over to the weather. +You can see the radar, right now -00:55:00.465 --> 00:55:03.051 -Holy Jesus, -you scared the shit outta me +00:29:33.938 --> 00:29:37.483 +showing some showers +and storms up to the north... -00:55:03.134 --> 00:55:04.636 -Oh, Sally, I'm sorry, really +00:29:37.567 --> 00:29:40.402 +Okay. All right, let me... -00:55:06.221 --> 00:55:09.057 -I thought I'd come in and say hi -and see how you were holding up +00:29:40.487 --> 00:29:41.820 +Nice to meet you. -00:55:09.099 --> 00:55:10.600 -- Hi -- Hi +00:29:41.905 --> 00:29:45.032 +Showers and storms north of Yazoo City +up towards Kosciusko... -00:55:11.726 --> 00:55:13.061 -Barely How about you? +00:29:45.116 --> 00:29:46.867 +Thank you, bye-bye. -00:55:13.103 --> 00:55:14.686 -I'm worried about my folks, I guess +00:29:49.162 --> 00:29:51.038 +You're singing at a rodeo tonight! -00:55:14.770 --> 00:55:17.439 -You know, they live -up on Shorm Road +00:29:51.122 --> 00:29:53.624 +Why didn't you mention it? -00:55:17.523 --> 00:55:19.525 -That's less than -five miles from here +00:29:53.708 --> 00:29:56.335 +What can I do, they are not +professional. -00:55:19.608 --> 00:55:21.276 -How 'bout yours? +00:29:57.337 --> 00:30:01.215 +Get a move on, we have +100 miles to go. -00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:22.861 -Well, they're out of town right now +00:30:03.343 --> 00:30:05.636 +We welcome you to the 38th annual -00:55:23.904 --> 00:55:26.490 -They're at my aunt's in Boston, so +00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:09.056 +Kroger Valleydale Championship Rodeo. -00:55:26.573 --> 00:55:29.326 -That's lucky -That means they're okay +00:30:30.662 --> 00:30:33.413 +Of course, every picture that we get back -00:55:29.410 --> 00:55:30.369 -I hope so +00:30:33.498 --> 00:30:34.665 +BOBBY ROWE +General Manager, Imperial Rodeo -00:55:32.913 --> 00:55:33.872 -So +00:30:34.749 --> 00:30:40.045 +from the terrorists or anything else, +the Muslims, they look like you, -00:55:34.915 --> 00:55:36.500 -how soon you shipping out? +00:30:40.129 --> 00:30:42.339 +- black hair and a black mustache. +- Yes. -00:55:36.583 --> 00:55:38.252 -Uh, couple weeks +00:30:42.423 --> 00:30:46.635 +Shave that dadgummed mustache off +so you're not so conspicuous. -00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:41.380 -Scared about going over there? +00:30:46.719 --> 00:30:49.972 +So you look like maybe an Italian +or something -00:55:42.797 --> 00:55:43.798 -Yeah +00:30:50.056 --> 00:30:52.850 +as far as when people looking at you. -00:55:49.095 --> 00:55:50.638 -- Hey, Wayne? -- Hmm? +00:30:52.934 --> 00:30:55.394 +I see a lot of people and I think, +"There's a dadgummed Muslim. -00:55:51.764 --> 00:55:53.224 -How come you never asked me out? +00:30:55.478 --> 00:30:58.355 +"I wonder what kind of bomb +he's got strapped to him." -00:55:54.308 --> 00:55:56.811 -We flirted all through high school -I know you like me +00:30:58.439 --> 00:31:00.816 +- Yes. +- And you probably aren't a Muslim. -00:56:01.023 --> 00:56:02.567 -So how come? +00:31:00.900 --> 00:31:04.361 +- Maybe that's not your religion. +- No, I am a Kazakh. I follow the hawk. -00:56:05.027 --> 00:56:06.863 -I'm stupid, I guess +00:31:04.445 --> 00:31:06.738 +But you look like one of them. -00:56:23.378 --> 00:56:25.380 -Oh, shit! I'm sorry +00:31:06.823 --> 00:31:09.199 +This thing gets over with +and when we win it -00:56:25.464 --> 00:56:26.673 -Don't be I just... +00:31:09.284 --> 00:31:11.118 +and kick the butts over there -00:56:27.674 --> 00:56:29.968 -I just didn't really want it -to happen like this, you know? +00:31:11.202 --> 00:31:13.412 +and all of them son-of-a-bucks +hanging from the gallows, -00:56:30.051 --> 00:56:32.262 -Some shitty locker room at work +00:31:13.496 --> 00:31:16.623 +by that time, you will have proven yourself -00:56:33.263 --> 00:56:34.931 -Can we just stay in here -a while, then? +00:31:16.708 --> 00:31:18.542 +and you'll be accepted. -00:56:36.391 --> 00:56:37.975 -I mean, just... just you and me +00:31:18.626 --> 00:31:19.793 +- Take care. +- Thank you. -00:56:50.071 --> 00:56:52.615 -The parking lot lamps -turned on +00:31:19.878 --> 00:31:22.212 +- I ain't gonna kiss you. +- Why not? -00:56:52.656 --> 00:56:53.699 -They're on a timer +00:31:22.297 --> 00:31:25.883 +The people that do the kissing +are the ones that float around like that. -00:56:53.783 --> 00:56:55.785 -Must be a different one -that's live +00:31:25.967 --> 00:31:29.136 +- Are they all... +- Yeah. Stay away from them that kiss. -00:56:55.868 --> 00:56:58.537 -Maybe we could -tie into them somehow, +00:31:29.220 --> 00:31:30.971 +- Okay. +- You don't want nobody kissing. -00:56:58.621 --> 00:57:00.498 -get some electricity in here +00:31:31.055 --> 00:31:35.100 +In my country they take them to jail +and finish them. -00:57:01.540 --> 00:57:03.209 -That'd mean walking out the door +00:31:35.184 --> 00:31:36.810 +- Take them and hang them. +- Yes. -00:57:14.219 --> 00:57:15.929 -Gaaaahhhh! God! +00:31:36.895 --> 00:31:39.813 +- That's what we're trying to get done. +- High five. -00:57:16.805 --> 00:57:18.264 -Oh, my God! -Oh, my God! +00:31:40.607 --> 00:31:42.190 +Ladies and gentlemen of Salem, Virginia, -00:57:18.348 --> 00:57:20.308 -David! David! +00:31:42.275 --> 00:31:44.985 +would you please give a warm, +American welcome -00:57:22.685 --> 00:57:23.686 -You sure? +00:31:45.069 --> 00:31:48.906 +to a gentleman who has come +all the way from Kazakhstan -00:57:23.770 --> 00:57:24.771 -Look! +00:31:48.990 --> 00:31:52.701 +and we are honored +to have singing our national anthem. -00:57:47.876 --> 00:57:49.336 -My God +00:31:52.785 --> 00:31:56.163 +Ladies and gentlemen, Borat Sagdiyev. -00:58:04.892 --> 00:58:06.352 -Are those bugs? +00:32:05.590 --> 00:32:09.134 +My name Borat. I come from Kazakhstan. -00:58:08.521 --> 00:58:09.772 -Not like any I've ever seen +00:32:09.218 --> 00:32:14.598 +Can I say first, +we support your war of terror. -00:58:10.773 --> 00:58:12.942 -"They came out of the smoke, +00:32:18.519 --> 00:32:22.272 +May we show our support +to our boys in Iraq. -00:58:13.025 --> 00:58:14.944 -"locusts upon the earth, +00:32:24.651 --> 00:32:29.029 +May U.S. and A. +kill every single terrorist. -00:58:15.027 --> 00:58:17.530 -"and unto them was given power +00:32:34.077 --> 00:32:36.662 +May your George Bush drink the blood -00:58:17.613 --> 00:58:21.784 -even as the scorpions -of the earth have power" +00:32:36.746 --> 00:32:40.540 +of every single man, woman +and child of Iraq. -00:58:21.868 --> 00:58:24.370 -Wow +00:32:40.750 --> 00:32:42.000 +Yeah! -00:58:24.454 --> 00:58:26.914 -Look at those stingers +00:32:43.670 --> 00:32:48.090 +May you destroy their country +so that for the next thousand years -00:58:30.375 --> 00:58:32.377 -Dear God +00:32:48.174 --> 00:32:52.177 +not even a single lizard +will survive in their desert. -00:59:11.540 --> 00:59:13.042 -Holy shit! +00:32:53.554 --> 00:32:55.514 +To show our friendship, -00:59:28.431 --> 00:59:30.433 -Myron, get the ones in the back! +00:32:55.598 --> 00:32:59.351 +I now will sing +our Kazakh national anthem -00:59:31.935 --> 00:59:33.645 -God, I think they're -attracted to the light +00:32:59.435 --> 00:33:02.145 +to the tune of your national anthem. -00:59:33.728 --> 00:59:36.064 -Look out, look out, look out! +00:33:03.064 --> 00:33:04.564 +Please stand. -00:59:36.147 --> 00:59:37.232 -The light! Douse the light! +00:33:06.067 --> 00:33:09.736 +Kazakhstan is the greatest -00:59:38.900 --> 00:59:40.235 -Look out! Look out! +00:33:09.821 --> 00:33:12.990 +Country in the world -00:59:45.031 --> 00:59:46.324 -Move! Move! +00:33:13.074 --> 00:33:16.034 +All other countries -00:59:48.284 --> 00:59:50.786 -Light, light, -light, light, light! +00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:19.788 +Are run by little girls -00:59:51.954 --> 00:59:53.789 -"And there came a voice -from the temple +00:33:19.872 --> 00:33:22.833 +Kazakhstan is number one -00:59:53.831 --> 00:59:55.666 -"saying to the seven angels, +00:33:22.917 --> 00:33:26.420 +Exporter of potassium -00:59:55.749 --> 00:59:58.085 -"'Go your ways +00:33:26.546 --> 00:33:30.048 +Other Central Asian countries -00:59:58.168 --> 01:00:02.339 -and pour out the vials -of the wrath of God upon the earth"' +00:33:30.133 --> 00:33:33.510 +Have inferior potassium -01:00:11.223 --> 01:00:13.684 -Ollie, -the glass is gonna give! +00:33:33.594 --> 00:33:36.847 +Kazakhstan is the greatest -01:00:21.482 --> 01:00:22.483 -Shit! +00:33:36.931 --> 00:33:39.558 +Country in the world -01:00:22.567 --> 01:00:24.026 -Oh, my God, -they turned on all the lights! +00:33:39.642 --> 00:33:41.935 +All other countries -01:00:24.110 --> 01:00:26.279 -Jim! Myron! -Fire! +00:33:42.020 --> 00:33:44.563 +Is the home of the gays -01:00:26.362 --> 01:00:27.697 -Fire! Lighter! -Douse the lights! +00:33:56.534 --> 00:34:00.037 +We nearly died last night. +This journey is cursed. -01:00:27.739 --> 01:00:30.032 -Come on, come on! +00:34:00.455 --> 00:34:02.414 +We should have stayed in New York. -01:00:41.544 --> 01:00:43.004 -Sally, look out! +00:34:02.665 --> 00:34:04.082 +l was sad. -01:00:45.423 --> 01:00:46.423 -No! +00:34:04.167 --> 00:34:06.835 +The rodeo peoples did not like me. -01:00:54.264 --> 01:00:56.808 -Let me see, let me see -Let me see, sweetheart, let me see +00:34:06.919 --> 00:34:09.588 +What if Pamela did not like me too? -01:00:56.892 --> 01:00:58.810 -No, you’re gonna be okay -You're gonna be okay +00:34:09.672 --> 00:34:13.300 +We needed something +to change our fortunes. -01:00:58.894 --> 01:00:59.853 -Let me see Let me see +00:34:13.468 --> 00:34:15.343 +Look, Azamat, a Gypsy village. -01:00:59.936 --> 01:01:01.646 -You're fine You're gonna be okay -You're gonna be okay +00:34:16.387 --> 00:34:19.931 +Let us extract some of their tears +so we can remove the curse. -01:01:01.730 --> 01:01:03.065 -Give me the lighter! -Put it on fire! +00:34:20.308 --> 00:34:24.019 +Do not fear me, Gypsy, +all I want from you is your tears. -01:01:03.106 --> 01:01:04.107 -Come on! +00:34:24.103 --> 00:34:26.938 +Please give them to me or I will take them. -01:01:11.156 --> 01:01:13.283 -Goddamn childproofing sons of bitches! +00:34:27.857 --> 00:34:28.940 +I'm not a Gypsy. -01:01:15.367 --> 01:01:17.620 -Oh, shoot it! Shoot it! +00:34:29.025 --> 00:34:32.152 +I'm a Midwestern +farmer's daughter. Americana. -01:01:19.246 --> 01:01:20.915 -Shoot it! Shoot it! +00:34:32.236 --> 00:34:34.988 +You have many treasures. +Who did you rob for this? -01:01:20.998 --> 01:01:22.625 -I can't! I'll smash the window! +00:34:35.073 --> 00:34:37.532 +We didn't rob them. +They came from the house. -01:01:22.708 --> 01:01:24.877 -God! +00:34:37.617 --> 00:34:40.202 +I will look in your treasures, Gypsy. -01:01:24.919 --> 01:01:26.545 -Oh, God! Ohh! +00:34:41.245 --> 00:34:43.955 +Is this understood? I will look on them. -01:01:28.089 --> 01:01:29.799 -Go! Go! +00:34:44.415 --> 00:34:45.749 +Please do. -01:01:32.176 --> 01:01:34.011 -Get down! +00:34:49.003 --> 00:34:51.463 +Who is this lady you have shrunk? -01:01:40.393 --> 01:01:41.851 -Shit! +00:34:51.547 --> 00:34:54.424 +Was she the owner of this house +that you camp in front of? -01:01:51.569 --> 01:01:52.946 -Ollie, you want -these lights on or off? +00:34:54.509 --> 00:34:56.885 +There's a couple more child's dolls. -01:01:52.946 --> 01:01:53.446 -Leave 'em on +00:34:56.969 --> 00:35:00.555 +Do not try and shrink me, Gypsy. I serious. -01:01:59.828 --> 01:02:00.912 -Oh, God! +00:35:00.640 --> 00:35:02.724 +- These are your spells? +- No. -01:02:00.995 --> 01:02:03.289 -Kill it! +00:35:02.850 --> 00:35:05.727 +There's a good one, +The Millionaire Mindset. -01:02:12.423 --> 01:02:14.383 -Bring torches! -Bring something to keep 'em out! +00:35:06.187 --> 00:35:08.480 +There you go. -01:02:14.466 --> 01:02:15.426 -Come on +00:35:08.564 --> 00:35:10.899 +- Baywatch. +- Baywatch? -01:02:17.386 --> 01:02:18.554 -Sally! +00:35:17.031 --> 00:35:18.824 +It means she love me. -01:02:30.441 --> 01:02:32.651 -Where are the goddamn extinguishers? +00:35:23.037 --> 00:35:24.162 +Azamat! -01:02:43.411 --> 01:02:44.746 -Get it! Get it! Get it! +00:35:24.539 --> 00:35:26.832 +Azamat, great success! +I've got the tears. -01:02:50.126 --> 01:02:53.087 -Bring torches -We need torches at the window! +00:35:26.916 --> 00:35:28.333 +Onwards to California! -01:02:53.171 --> 01:02:54.714 -Plug that hole! +00:35:28.668 --> 00:35:30.127 +Let's go. -01:03:01.929 --> 01:03:02.930 -Dad! +00:35:30.419 --> 00:35:31.461 +What's that you've got there? -01:03:08.852 --> 01:03:10.520 -Down! Down! Lay down! +00:35:31.546 --> 00:35:33.630 +It's nothing. Don't worry about it. -01:03:24.743 --> 01:03:25.744 -Ohh +00:35:47.353 --> 00:35:49.521 +Are we going the right way? -01:03:27.120 --> 01:03:28.121 -My life +00:35:49.730 --> 00:35:52.524 +- I don't know, this map is from 1917. +- Where the hell are we? -01:03:29.206 --> 01:03:32.666 -my life for you, -your will be done +00:35:57.321 --> 00:35:59.322 +Hey, stop that goddamn van! -01:03:45.971 --> 01:03:48.140 -Daddy! +00:36:00.366 --> 00:36:03.577 +Hey, baby, want to go out? +Wanna go out, honey? -01:03:48.224 --> 01:03:50.476 -Bugs! Daddy! +00:36:07.748 --> 00:36:10.333 +I'm going to stop and ask. -01:04:05.740 --> 01:04:08.201 -- Nooooo! Billy! -- Daddy! +00:36:10.418 --> 00:36:13.420 +No, no, no, keep going. Keep going. -01:04:08.284 --> 01:04:10.245 -- Billy! -- Daddy! +00:36:16.591 --> 00:36:18.717 +I need the direction to California, please. -01:04:23.258 --> 01:04:24.718 -Billy! +00:36:18.801 --> 00:36:20.635 +- To California? +- You a long way from home. -01:04:24.801 --> 01:04:25.969 -Dad! +00:36:20.720 --> 00:36:23.263 +Who you with, man? +Who you with, who you with? -01:04:26.052 --> 01:04:27.553 -Billy, come back here +00:36:23.347 --> 00:36:27.851 +I travel with my friend, Azamat Bagatov. +We travel across the country. -01:04:29.221 --> 01:04:31.223 -- Dad! -- Billy, please! +00:36:27.935 --> 00:36:31.730 +You can't be talking all that. +You gotta be talking English right here. -01:04:37.104 --> 01:04:38.480 -Billy! +00:36:31.814 --> 00:36:34.983 +You look like Michael Jackson, Beat lt. -01:05:07.383 --> 01:05:08.718 -Come on, let's move it! +00:36:35.109 --> 00:36:36.943 +Man, you better... -01:05:08.801 --> 01:05:10.762 -Somebody please -come over here and help +00:36:39.363 --> 00:36:42.908 +I like you peoples. +Can you teach me how to dress? -01:05:10.845 --> 01:05:12.513 -Here's some tape! +00:36:42.992 --> 00:36:44.784 +How can I be like you? -01:05:14.807 --> 01:05:16.934 -I'm right here -I'm right here Don’t worry +00:36:44.869 --> 00:36:47.037 +You need to let them jeans down. -01:05:18.019 --> 01:05:19.979 -Hurry up with the blankets! +00:36:47.121 --> 00:36:48.371 +Pull them down? -01:05:20.021 --> 01:05:23.023 -It hurts so bad! Please! +00:36:48.456 --> 00:36:50.207 +Don't pull them down like... -01:05:30.864 --> 01:05:32.532 -It hurts so bad! +00:36:50.291 --> 00:36:52.250 +- Like a ho? +- No, no, no. -01:05:32.616 --> 01:05:33.617 -Block it up here +00:36:52.335 --> 00:36:54.211 +- Like a this? +- Yeah. -01:05:34.659 --> 01:05:36.453 -Get me some more bags! +00:36:54.295 --> 00:36:56.671 +But don't show your Huggies though, man. -01:05:37.537 --> 01:05:40.207 -Did we get 'em? -Did we get 'em all? +00:36:57.131 --> 00:36:59.174 +What the hell? Is that fishnet? -01:05:41.208 --> 01:05:42.918 -She was right +00:36:59.258 --> 00:37:02.135 +No, no, no, these are my antipants. -01:05:43.001 --> 01:05:45.212 -She said that -it would happen like this +00:37:02.220 --> 00:37:05.680 +- What kind of music you listen to? +- I like very much Corky Bucek. -01:05:45.379 --> 01:05:47.381 -She said that -they would come at night +00:37:05.765 --> 00:37:07.307 +You know Corky Bucek? -01:05:48.548 --> 01:05:50.383 -She told us someone would die +00:37:09.018 --> 00:37:10.393 +No, no, no. -01:06:14.407 --> 01:06:16.075 -Mommy +00:37:11.270 --> 00:37:14.231 +You got to lick it before you stick it. -01:06:17.701 --> 01:06:19.661 -Ohh, shh, shh, shh -It's okay +00:37:15.358 --> 00:37:17.400 +Can you teach me speak like you? -01:06:20.870 --> 01:06:22.247 -It's okay, it was just a dream +00:37:17.485 --> 00:37:18.693 +What you trying to say? -01:06:23.373 --> 01:06:24.708 -It's just a bad dream +00:37:18.778 --> 00:37:22.113 +- How you say, "How do you do?" +- What's up with it? -01:06:25.875 --> 01:06:27.627 -I want my mommy +00:37:22.198 --> 00:37:23.990 +- What's that with it? +- Yeah. -01:06:27.711 --> 01:06:29.295 -I know +00:37:25.660 --> 00:37:27.827 +Pull over and let's see +if we can stay here. -01:06:29.379 --> 01:06:31.631 -I know Of course you do +00:37:36.128 --> 00:37:38.421 +What's up with it, vanilla-face? -01:06:31.715 --> 01:06:34.259 -- Shh -I wanna go home +00:37:38.506 --> 00:37:41.591 +Me and my homey, Azamat, +just parked our slab outside. -01:06:34.342 --> 01:06:35.844 -Just sleep +00:37:41.676 --> 00:37:42.759 +Please. -01:06:37.220 --> 01:06:38.888 -Everything'll be better in the morning +00:37:42.843 --> 00:37:46.596 +We are looking for somewhere to +post up our black asses for the night. -01:06:45.561 --> 01:06:47.020 -Think he likes you +00:37:46.681 --> 00:37:49.432 +So bang-bang, skeet-skeet, nigga. -01:06:49.606 --> 01:06:52.151 -Well, I hate that -I had to lie to him +00:37:50.518 --> 00:37:52.310 +We just a couple of pimps, no ho's. -01:06:53.235 --> 01:06:54.695 -You have kids? +00:37:52.395 --> 00:37:54.688 +- Sir, you gotta leave. +- Okay. -01:06:54.778 --> 01:06:55.988 -No +00:37:54.772 --> 00:37:58.108 +Leave now or we're gonna call the cops +and we'll have you taken out. -01:06:56.071 --> 01:06:58.198 -I always wanted to, but +00:37:58.192 --> 00:38:02.570 +We can't stay here, +they are player haters. -01:06:59.324 --> 01:07:00.993 -things haven't been working out +00:38:10.288 --> 00:38:13.081 +- Hi. Hello. +- You have a room for tonight? -01:07:03.328 --> 01:07:06.290 -Right now I'm thinking -maybe that's for the best +00:38:13.165 --> 00:38:15.166 +Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. -01:07:07.499 --> 01:07:11.253 -I saw creatures -fly into the store tonight that... +00:38:15.543 --> 00:38:17.377 +- Come on in. +- Great. -01:07:11.336 --> 01:07:13.004 -they shouldn't exist +00:38:18.170 --> 00:38:19.796 +Your friend also. -01:07:14.505 --> 01:07:17.008 -I keep thinking I'm gonna -wake up in a rubber room +00:38:22.049 --> 00:38:24.342 +A beautiful house, this. -01:07:18.509 --> 01:07:19.761 -You're not alone in that +00:38:24.427 --> 00:38:27.512 +All the paintings in the house, I did. -01:07:20.762 --> 01:07:22.221 -We're all right there with you +00:38:27.596 --> 00:38:28.847 +What is this man? -01:07:23.347 --> 01:07:25.099 -This isn't gonna end, is it? +00:38:28.931 --> 00:38:33.852 +This is a Yemenite Jew +and he's working on a piece of jewelry. -01:07:28.144 --> 01:07:29.145 -David +00:38:34.228 --> 00:38:39.065 +They, Yemenites, were also jewelers. -01:07:30.229 --> 01:07:32.440 -It's Joe He's getting worse +00:38:39.191 --> 00:38:41.526 +Why you have a picture of a Jew? -01:07:50.374 --> 01:07:52.292 -Joe +00:38:41.986 --> 00:38:46.906 +Because I'm Jewish, +so I have lots of pictures of Jews. -01:07:54.211 --> 01:07:55.962 -How you holdin' up, partner? +00:38:52.705 --> 00:38:55.623 +This is the room and... -01:07:56.046 --> 01:07:59.383 -David is that you? +00:38:57.501 --> 00:39:01.171 +- Do you need two pillows? +- Yes. -01:08:00.467 --> 01:08:01.968 -Yeah, pal, how you doin'? +00:39:01.255 --> 00:39:03.590 +Great. Thank you. Lovely place. -01:08:02.969 --> 01:08:05.764 -It's bad He's bad +00:39:06.761 --> 00:39:09.095 +- They're Jews. +- I know that now. -01:08:05.806 --> 01:08:08.474 -Didn't know anything -could hurt like this +00:39:09.555 --> 00:39:11.181 +They'll kill us. +We need to escape. -01:08:09.475 --> 01:08:11.811 -If you guys can't help me +00:39:25.029 --> 00:39:27.864 +- Wait, wait. +- Okay. -01:08:12.978 --> 01:08:15.314 -you... you gotta end it, okay? +00:39:29.950 --> 00:39:31.117 +Hello. -01:08:17.483 --> 01:08:19.860 -Ollie's got that gun, right? +00:39:31.869 --> 00:39:34.245 +- How are you? +- Great. -01:08:21.320 --> 01:08:23.864 -Right? -- No. No way +00:39:34.330 --> 00:39:35.955 +You guys getting settled in? -01:08:23.948 --> 01:08:26.283 -You can't fuck with me -on this, bro +00:39:36.040 --> 00:39:38.708 +This is a special sandwich for you. -01:08:26.325 --> 01:08:28.494 -Not with me like this +00:39:38.793 --> 00:39:43.421 +I not so hungry. He can eat this. -01:08:28.577 --> 01:08:30.079 -I'll do it +00:39:43.506 --> 00:39:44.714 +He fat. -01:08:30.162 --> 01:08:32.915 -Just give me the gun +00:39:45.466 --> 00:39:46.966 +No, no. -01:08:32.998 --> 01:08:34.625 -Hey, hey Shh +00:39:47.051 --> 00:39:49.052 +- You gonna eat, because... +- Take a half. -01:08:34.667 --> 01:08:37.794 -- We're not there yet, okay? -- Oh, please! +00:39:49.136 --> 00:39:51.846 +- Take a half and then you'll see. +- Take a half. -01:08:37.836 --> 01:08:39.587 -Joe, now, listen +00:39:51.931 --> 00:39:53.515 +Yeah. I not so hungry. -01:08:40.672 --> 01:08:41.631 -Pal +00:39:53.599 --> 00:39:55.392 +You eat a little bit. -01:08:42.674 --> 01:08:43.842 -we're gonna work something out +00:40:00.189 --> 00:40:03.233 +Go ahead and eat something +because you're hungry. -01:08:43.925 --> 01:08:45.635 -I just need you to hang in -a little longer, okay? +00:40:03.317 --> 00:40:04.401 +Yes. -01:08:45.677 --> 01:08:46.761 -Can we do that? +00:40:12.535 --> 00:40:15.703 +I don't want to see you go hungry. -01:08:50.640 --> 01:08:52.308 -Stay with him -I'll be back +00:40:15.788 --> 00:40:18.331 +What is this picture over here? -01:08:55.687 --> 01:08:59.649 -Hattie, I need to go to the bathroom -Will you watch Billy? +00:40:18.749 --> 00:40:19.999 +Okay... -01:09:01.651 --> 01:09:02.652 -Hattie +00:40:27.341 --> 00:40:29.426 +It is 3:00 in the morning. -01:09:19.251 --> 01:09:20.252 -See anything? +00:40:29.510 --> 00:40:32.387 +I am in a nest of Jews. -01:09:21.837 --> 01:09:24.631 -The last of those bugs -went away about four +00:40:32.471 --> 00:40:35.014 +They have cleverly shifted their shapes. -01:09:24.715 --> 01:09:25.674 -Dawn's coming +00:40:35.099 --> 00:40:39.185 +One of them has taken the form +of a little old woman. -01:09:26.717 --> 01:09:28.052 -What's on your mind? +00:40:40.020 --> 00:40:42.188 +You can barely see her horns. -01:09:28.093 --> 01:09:29.094 -It's Joe +00:40:43.607 --> 00:40:46.151 +She have tried to poison me already. -01:09:31.013 --> 01:09:32.847 -We don't get him -on some serious antibiotics, +00:40:46.902 --> 00:40:48.945 +These rats are very clever. -01:09:32.889 --> 01:09:34.057 -he's gonna die of infection +00:40:56.495 --> 00:40:58.121 +Look, the Jews have +shifted their shapes. -01:09:34.140 --> 01:09:36.476 -Plus he needs -painkillers in the worst way +00:41:00.291 --> 00:41:02.000 +OK, OK. How much shall +I give them? -01:09:36.559 --> 01:09:40.271 -All... all... all we got here -is liquor and aspirin +00:41:02.334 --> 00:41:04.794 +I don't know... -01:09:40.355 --> 01:09:43.232 -You... you thinkin' about goin' -to that pharmacy next door? +00:41:06.505 --> 00:41:08.047 +More. Give them more. -01:09:43.274 --> 01:09:45.234 -Irene Reppler say -they've got Silvadene... +00:41:11.218 --> 00:41:12.719 +Go. Go. -01:09:45.276 --> 01:09:46.986 -you know, the stuff -they use in burn wards +00:41:27.943 --> 00:41:30.320 +Let's go back to New York, +at least there's no Jews there. -01:09:47.070 --> 01:09:48.029 -She knows where they keep it +00:41:30.404 --> 00:41:32.155 +Calm down. +We'll keep heading to California. -01:09:48.112 --> 01:09:49.280 -Slow down +00:41:32.239 --> 00:41:34.115 +Why California? +What's so special about California? -01:09:49.364 --> 01:09:51.032 -You can't actually be thinkin' -of doin' this +00:41:34.200 --> 00:41:35.492 +We are going to California! -01:09:51.074 --> 01:09:52.992 -I'm also thinkin' beyond that +00:41:35.576 --> 00:41:36.910 +And get killed on the way? -01:09:53.076 --> 01:09:54.535 -We have to get out of here +00:41:37.495 --> 00:41:41.664 +Relax, Azamat! +I will get us protection. -01:09:55.703 --> 01:09:56.913 -I mean permanently. +00:41:44.126 --> 00:41:47.253 +What is the best gun +to defend from a Jew? -01:09:56.954 --> 01:09:59.414 -Why? We got plenty to eat! +00:41:50.382 --> 00:41:54.427 +I would recommend +either a 9 millimeter or a .45. -01:09:59.498 --> 01:10:02.334 -What happens when one of those things -decides to break through this window? +00:41:57.014 --> 00:41:58.932 +Very nice. -01:10:02.417 --> 01:10:05.003 -I'm talkin' one of the big ones, -like the one that killed Norm +00:42:00.768 --> 00:42:05.230 +It like I movie star, Dirty Harold. -01:10:05.087 --> 01:10:08.048 -Yeah, and that flaming torch idea -didn’t work so well, did it? +00:42:05.314 --> 00:42:08.066 +- Yes, sir. +- Come on and make my day, Jew. -01:10:08.131 --> 01:10:10.258 -We almost burned -the goddamn store down +00:42:09.985 --> 00:42:14.030 +But he would not sell me gun +since I not American. -01:10:16.556 --> 01:10:17.891 -It's Hattie +00:42:14.114 --> 00:42:16.449 +So I look for other protection. -01:10:24.606 --> 01:10:25.774 -Here? +00:42:17.409 --> 00:42:19.661 +MUNCH RANCH +Exotic Animal Dealer -01:10:25.816 --> 01:10:27.817 -All right, -gently, now Gently +00:42:19.745 --> 00:42:23.581 +- What type of dog is this? +- This is a tortoise. -01:10:27.900 --> 01:10:30.152 -One two three +00:42:23.666 --> 00:42:26.292 +Is this a cat in a hat? -01:10:39.745 --> 01:10:41.956 -I don't know -how long she was there like that, +00:42:26.377 --> 00:42:28.670 +No, it's a tortoise in a shell. -01:10:42.039 --> 01:10:43.374 -lying there next to us +00:42:28.754 --> 00:42:30.505 +Yes. -01:10:43.457 --> 01:10:45.126 -I thought she was sleeping +00:42:30.589 --> 00:42:32.966 +I need animal for protection. -01:10:46.502 --> 01:10:48.337 -I got my 4-wheel drive +00:42:33.884 --> 00:42:35.260 +What you have for me? -01:10:48.421 --> 01:10:50.005 -It's out there +00:43:00.786 --> 00:43:03.329 +We're safe. +Now we continue to California. -01:10:50.089 --> 01:10:51.757 -Y- you’re talking about leaving? +00:43:04.456 --> 00:43:05.540 +High five! -01:10:53.092 --> 01:10:54.592 -Well, we +00:43:05.624 --> 00:43:07.333 +Great! Nice. -01:10:54.634 --> 01:10:56.511 -should hit the pharmacy first +00:43:22.099 --> 00:43:23.850 +Switch it off. -01:10:56.594 --> 01:10:57.887 -We gotta bring back -supplies for the injured +00:43:23.934 --> 00:43:25.268 +It so annoying! -01:10:57.971 --> 01:10:59.389 -I mean, if we don't, +00:43:41.076 --> 00:43:45.079 +Happy times. We were safe +and well on our way to Pamela. -01:10:59.472 --> 01:11:01.433 -Joe Eagleton's gonna die, -and we can't let that happen +00:43:45.414 --> 00:43:47.707 +It was time to get back to work. -01:11:02.350 --> 01:11:03.518 -But after that +00:43:49.501 --> 00:43:54.756 +Kazakhstan needs to learn +about American fine dining. -01:11:04.519 --> 01:11:06.187 -look, my Land Cruiser -can hold eight people +00:43:55.966 --> 00:43:57.967 +First, a lady will +teach you southern manners. -01:11:06.271 --> 01:11:08.481 -I say we drive south -as far as the fuel takes us +00:43:58.177 --> 00:43:59.469 +How long have I got? -01:11:08.565 --> 01:11:09.899 -and try to get clear of this mist +00:43:59.553 --> 00:44:03.556 +An hour. Then you have +dinner date with high society. -01:11:10.859 --> 01:11:12.861 -That's it? +00:44:06.185 --> 00:44:07.852 +Hello and nice meet you. -01:11:12.944 --> 01:11:14.279 -That's the plan? +00:44:07.936 --> 00:44:10.521 +Hello, it's so nice to meet you. +Welcome to America. -01:11:14.320 --> 01:11:16.239 -- That's what I got -- No, you can't mean it +00:44:10.606 --> 00:44:11.856 +KATHIE B. MARTIN +Etiquette Coach -01:11:16.322 --> 01:11:18.283 -Not after what happened -to Norton and his group +00:44:11.940 --> 00:44:16.944 +Will you please teach me +how to dine like gentleman? -01:11:18.366 --> 01:11:20.827 -No, no, no Amanda, think. +00:44:17.529 --> 00:44:19.572 +Of course, I'll be happy to. -01:11:20.910 --> 01:11:22.911 -Norton got over 200 feet -from this store +00:44:22.117 --> 00:44:24.827 +Is it polite to greet people +when I make entry? -01:11:22.995 --> 01:11:24.455 -That's how much rope play ed out +00:44:24.912 --> 00:44:25.995 +THE MAGNOLIA MANSION +Dining Society -01:11:24.538 --> 01:11:27.082 -I'm parked half that distance -from here +00:44:26.080 --> 00:44:27.413 +Yes, it is. -01:11:27.166 --> 01:11:29.126 -But who knows how far -this mist has spread? +00:44:27.498 --> 00:44:30.917 +- Let me introduce you around. +- Yes. -01:11:29.209 --> 01:11:30.711 -It could be -the entire eastern seaboard +00:44:31.001 --> 00:44:34.295 +- You're gonna have to... +- I'm Mike. Mike Jared. -01:11:30.794 --> 01:11:32.963 -Yeah, it could be the whole world, -for all we know +00:44:35.673 --> 00:44:37.924 +Hello, I'm Bethany Weston. -01:11:33.005 --> 01:11:36.341 -Wouldn't make us any less dead, -now, would it? +00:44:38.008 --> 00:44:39.258 +- Lovely to see you. +- Nice. -01:11:36.383 --> 01:11:38.218 -We have one gun +00:44:39.343 --> 00:44:42.178 +- How you do? +- How do you do? My name's Ben. -01:11:38.302 --> 01:11:40.304 -- How many rounds? -We got ten left +00:44:45.474 --> 00:44:50.603 +Should I pay interest in peoples +around the table-sides? -01:11:40.345 --> 01:11:41.513 -Ten rounds Jesus +00:44:50.938 --> 00:44:52.146 +Yes. -01:11:41.597 --> 01:11:43.223 -Okay, so ten +00:44:52.231 --> 00:44:55.692 +And, if it is a big table, +a very long table, -01:11:44.224 --> 01:11:46.226 -Want another reason -to get the hell out of here? +00:44:55.776 --> 00:44:58.027 +you might want to restrict +your conversation... -01:11:46.310 --> 01:11:48.312 -I'll give you the best one +00:44:58.112 --> 00:45:01.364 +- Yes. +- ...to people right in your vicinity. -01:11:48.395 --> 01:11:49.396 -Her +00:45:01.448 --> 00:45:03.991 +- Very nice. +- So you are not yelling. -01:11:50.396 --> 01:11:51.898 -Mrs Carmody +00:45:08.455 --> 00:45:09.997 +What do you do? -01:11:51.981 --> 01:11:54.859 -She's our very own Jim Jones +00:45:10.082 --> 00:45:12.875 +- I'm the pastor of a church. +- Yes. -01:11:54.901 --> 01:11:57.570 -I'd like to leave before people -start drinking the Kool-Aid +00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:16.713 +- What do you do? +- I have spent years in construction. -01:11:57.653 --> 01:11:58.654 -He's right +00:45:16.797 --> 00:45:20.133 +I'm recently retired. -01:11:58.696 --> 01:12:01.032 -Flakier people get, -the better she's gonna look +00:45:20.217 --> 00:45:22.677 +- You are retard? +- Yes. -01:12:01.115 --> 01:12:03.785 -No, I don't buy that -It's obvious she's nuts +00:45:22.761 --> 00:45:24.929 +Physical or mental? -01:12:03.868 --> 01:12:05.328 -Look, a few people maybe, but... +00:45:26.181 --> 00:45:29.392 +- Retired. +- No, no, not retarded. -01:12:05.411 --> 01:12:07.705 -No, I count four -She's preachin' to 'em right now +00:45:29.476 --> 00:45:31.978 +- I don't work anymore. +- Stopped working. -01:12:07.789 --> 01:12:09.290 -By noon, she'll have four more +00:45:32.062 --> 00:45:35.982 +It's very good you allow retard -01:12:09.374 --> 01:12:11.501 -By tomorrow night, -when those things come back, +00:45:36.066 --> 00:45:39.902 +to eat with you in the same place. -01:12:11.584 --> 01:12:13.086 -she'll have a congregation, +00:45:39.987 --> 00:45:43.156 +That's not what +we're saying about this man. -01:12:13.169 --> 01:12:16.672 -and then we can start worryin' -about who she's gonna sacrifice +00:45:43.240 --> 00:45:47.577 +He is not what +you would refer to as retard. -01:12:16.714 --> 01:12:18.382 -to make it all better +00:45:48.412 --> 00:45:51.080 +- No. +- No, no. Not at all. -01:12:18.465 --> 01:12:20.133 -Hmm? +00:45:51.165 --> 00:45:53.791 +Do you have a telephone in this village? -01:12:20.217 --> 01:12:22.135 -You, Amanda? +00:45:54.168 --> 00:45:55.501 +Of course. -01:12:22.219 --> 01:12:23.470 -My little boy? +00:46:02.509 --> 00:46:04.927 +Should I show photos of my family? -01:12:23.553 --> 01:12:25.138 -He's right +00:46:05.012 --> 00:46:07.847 +You have photos +of your family? Wonderful. -01:12:25.222 --> 01:12:27.349 -You don't have much faith -in humanity, do you? +00:46:09.308 --> 00:46:11.684 +This my favorite son, Huey Lewis. -01:12:28.392 --> 01:12:29.768 -None whatsoever +00:46:12.311 --> 00:46:14.270 +- Okay. +- Yes. -01:12:29.851 --> 01:12:31.353 -I can't accept that +00:46:14.354 --> 00:46:16.230 +- He looks happy. +- Yes. -01:12:31.395 --> 01:12:34.106 -People are -basically good, decent +00:46:18.025 --> 00:46:19.817 +He very strong. -01:12:34.189 --> 01:12:36.400 -My God, David, -we're a civilized society +00:46:19.902 --> 00:46:23.780 +- My goodness, is that him holding you? +- Yes. Very strong. -01:12:36.483 --> 01:12:37.984 -Sure, as long as -the machines are workin' +00:46:23.864 --> 00:46:28.534 +He grow three centimeter. +He now 17 centimeter long. -01:12:38.068 --> 01:12:39.319 -And you can dial 9-1-1, +00:46:30.537 --> 00:46:35.416 +I'm not sure I would show +these photos of him without clothes on. -01:12:39.403 --> 01:12:42.239 -but you take those things away, -you throw people in the dark, +00:46:35.501 --> 00:46:39.420 +Should I pay compliments to the peoples? -01:12:42.322 --> 01:12:44.324 -you scare the shit out of them, +00:46:39.546 --> 00:46:44.383 +Yes, but only if you truly agree +with that compliment. -01:12:44.408 --> 01:12:46.242 -no more rules, +00:46:44.927 --> 00:46:48.513 +You have a very gentle face -01:12:46.283 --> 01:12:48.285 -You’ll see how primitive they get +00:46:48.597 --> 00:46:52.767 +- and a very erotic physique. +- Thank you. -01:12:48.369 --> 01:12:51.080 -You scare people badly enough, +00:46:53.185 --> 00:46:54.727 +- You're correct. +- Yes. -01:12:51.122 --> 01:12:53.624 -you can get 'em to do anything +00:46:54.812 --> 00:46:56.729 +That's a very good observation. -01:12:53.708 --> 01:12:57.378 -They'll turn to whoever -promises a solution, +00:46:56.814 --> 00:46:58.815 +She is your wife? -01:12:57.420 --> 01:12:58.587 -or whatever. +00:46:58.899 --> 00:47:00.691 +Nope. That's my wife. -01:12:58.671 --> 01:13:00.673 -Ollie, please, back me up here +00:47:00.776 --> 00:47:06.697 +In my country, +they would go crazy for these two. -01:13:00.756 --> 01:13:02.425 -I wish I could +00:47:06.782 --> 00:47:08.199 +Not so much. -01:13:02.508 --> 01:13:04.844 -As a species, -we're fundamentally insane +00:47:14.540 --> 00:47:18.084 +What should I say if +I need to go to the shit hole? -01:13:05.845 --> 01:13:07.888 -Put more than two of us -in a room, we pick sides +00:47:18.836 --> 00:47:20.878 +You mean to the restroom? -01:13:07.972 --> 01:13:10.558 -and start dreaming up reasons -to kill one another +00:47:20.963 --> 00:47:24.507 +- To the place to make the shit. +- The bathroom? Okay. What you... -01:13:11.559 --> 01:13:14.227 -Why do you think we invented -politics and religion? +00:47:24.591 --> 00:47:26.425 +Not to bath. To make dirt from anus. -01:13:14.269 --> 01:13:16.896 -Oh, Jesus, that's just +00:47:26.510 --> 00:47:29.387 +- Not a bath, right. The toilet. +- The brown... -01:13:16.980 --> 01:13:17.981 -wrong +00:47:29.471 --> 00:47:32.348 +- Where you make... You understand? +- Yes. Yes. -01:13:18.064 --> 01:13:20.608 -Look, nobody has -to decide anything now, okay? +00:47:32.432 --> 00:47:34.642 +- Bad? Bad thing from it. +- Yes. -01:13:20.692 --> 01:13:22.193 -First things first... +00:47:36.103 --> 00:47:37.186 +Brown. -01:13:22.777 --> 01:13:23.737 -the pharmacy +00:47:37.271 --> 00:47:41.440 +What you do is you say, "Excuse me, +I need to go to the restroom." -01:13:25.363 --> 01:13:27.032 -That'll be our test run +00:47:42.109 --> 00:47:47.363 +Excuse me, is it possible +to go and do a, you know... -01:13:27.115 --> 01:13:28.074 -Okay? +00:47:47.447 --> 00:47:49.949 +- To be excused? +- How you say in the, you know... -01:13:38.334 --> 01:13:40.127 -It's all right, Big Bill +00:47:50.033 --> 00:47:52.869 +Upstairs. Just say, +"Excuse me a moment." -01:13:40.210 --> 01:13:41.879 -I'm gonna bring you back -some comic books +00:47:52.995 --> 00:47:56.664 +- I need to go, what you say... +- That works. Thank you. -01:13:41.962 --> 01:13:43.297 -I don’t want them +00:47:56.748 --> 00:47:59.917 +- Can you go upstairs? +- Yes, thank you. -01:13:43.338 --> 01:13:45.007 -I want you to stay here +00:48:00.002 --> 00:48:05.089 +I think that the cultural differences +are vast... -01:13:45.090 --> 01:13:47.092 -I won't be gone long +00:48:05.173 --> 00:48:08.092 +- Exactly. +- ...and I think he's a delightful man -01:13:48.218 --> 01:13:50.137 -Just... just next door +00:48:08.176 --> 00:48:14.307 +and it wouldn't take very much time +for him to really become Americanized. -01:13:50.220 --> 01:13:52.056 -Hey, you’ll be safe +00:48:14.933 --> 00:48:16.434 +Thank you very much. I feel much better. -01:13:53.640 --> 01:13:54.641 -Daddy... +00:48:16.518 --> 00:48:18.728 +- Cindy, where shall I put this? +- Just... -01:13:54.725 --> 01:13:56.226 -Daddy, there are things out there +00:48:18.812 --> 00:48:20.897 +Where should I put this? -01:13:57.227 --> 01:13:59.146 -Things... +00:48:25.027 --> 00:48:27.278 +Maybe in the other restroom down here. -01:13:59.188 --> 01:14:02.107 -Yeah There's a lot -less of 'em in the daytime +00:48:27.362 --> 00:48:28.613 +In the... -01:14:03.650 --> 01:14:04.693 -They'll wait +00:48:30.032 --> 00:48:33.159 +Excuse me... +Excuse me for just a moment, please. -01:14:04.777 --> 01:14:06.445 -They'll wait in the mist -where you can't see 'em, +00:48:33.911 --> 00:48:37.747 +You roll off like this -01:14:06.487 --> 01:14:08.946 -and then when you go -and can't get back in +00:48:37.831 --> 00:48:41.459 +and you wipe your bottom +and you put the paper... Look. -01:14:08.988 --> 01:14:10.490 -they'll come and eat you up! +00:48:41.585 --> 00:48:43.419 +- You, wipe mine? +- No, I don't. You do. -01:14:10.573 --> 01:14:12.825 -- Shh -- Daddy, don't go! +00:48:43.503 --> 00:48:47.590 +- This is a very private thing. +- The host cleans the anus of the other? -01:14:22.168 --> 01:14:23.336 -I'll be back +00:48:47.674 --> 00:48:51.928 +No, no, no. +Nobody touches you, except you. -01:14:24.670 --> 01:14:25.963 -Big Bill +00:48:52.512 --> 00:48:54.722 +Can I bring a guest to dinner? -01:14:26.005 --> 01:14:27.298 -I promise +00:48:55.515 --> 00:48:58.601 +If you have been invited +to a home or to a party... -01:14:27.340 --> 01:14:29.675 -I'll be back, and then -I'm gonna take you home +00:48:58.685 --> 00:49:02.605 +- Yes. +- ...it is acceptable to bring a guest -01:14:30.677 --> 01:14:32.303 -All right? +00:49:02.689 --> 00:49:05.733 +- if you ask your host in advance. +- Yes. -01:14:32.345 --> 01:14:34.430 -Together, we're going home +00:49:05.817 --> 00:49:07.944 +General Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee. -01:14:35.430 --> 01:14:37.474 -If something happens, -anything at all, +00:49:08.028 --> 00:49:12.782 +- I think this my friend. Hello? +- Hi, I'm looking for Borat. -01:14:37.557 --> 01:14:38.725 -you cut and run +00:49:12.866 --> 00:49:15.034 +- Yes, it's me. +- Oh, hi, honey. -01:14:38.809 --> 01:14:41.436 -You get your ass back in here, -for your boy's sake +00:49:15.202 --> 00:49:18.454 +- I'm Luenell. Hi, hi. +- Hello, nice to meet you. -01:14:41.520 --> 01:14:43.980 -If something happens to me, -I want you to take care of Billy +00:49:18.538 --> 00:49:20.748 +- This my friend, Luenell. +- Hi. -01:14:45.023 --> 01:14:48.026 -best as you can, -and long as you can +00:49:21.416 --> 00:49:23.626 +Oh, okay... -01:14:48.110 --> 01:14:49.861 -Land Cruiser's yours now +00:49:25.879 --> 00:49:27.630 +You all having a dinner party. -01:14:50.946 --> 01:14:52.489 -You... you get him out of here +00:49:27.714 --> 00:49:31.509 +Well, we were. I don't know exactly +what all that we're doing... -01:14:52.572 --> 01:14:53.907 -You just keep drivin' +00:49:31.593 --> 00:49:35.596 +- It is getting very, very late. +- Excuse me, I'm going to have to go. -01:15:00.497 --> 01:15:02.499 -Where do you think you’re going, -Mr David Drayton on? +00:49:35.681 --> 00:49:38.391 +- Okay. Very nice. +- It's getting very, very late -01:15:02.541 --> 01:15:05.584 -Are you so anxious -to make your boy an orphan? +00:49:38.475 --> 00:49:41.644 +and it's time that, you know, -01:15:05.668 --> 01:15:07.753 -My boy is no concern of yours +00:49:41.728 --> 00:49:45.314 +we were ending +our dinner party and everything. -01:15:07.837 --> 01:15:09.088 -Listen up +00:49:45.399 --> 00:49:48.317 +- I apologize... +- But can't she come for desserts? -01:15:09.171 --> 01:15:11.173 -We're going to the pharmacy +00:49:48.402 --> 00:49:50.903 +Absolutely not, and neither can you. -01:15:11.215 --> 01:15:13.217 -We're gonna bring back -some supplies +00:49:50.988 --> 00:49:53.239 +- The sheriff is on his way. +- I hope so. -01:15:13.300 --> 01:15:16.679 -Also, there maybe people -trapped over there who need help +00:49:53.323 --> 00:49:55.074 +I've already called them. -01:15:16.721 --> 01:15:18.889 -Listen, folks, listen! +00:49:55.158 --> 00:49:58.202 +Why you call police? +Have the retard escaped? -01:15:18.973 --> 01:15:20.975 -We're not gonna take any chances +00:50:01.623 --> 00:50:05.209 +I want say I very sorry +how they treat you in this house. -01:15:21.058 --> 01:15:22.518 -If there's any trouble, +00:50:05.502 --> 00:50:06.836 +Thank you. -01:15:22.601 --> 01:15:24.603 -we'll come straight back here -to the supermarket +00:50:07.421 --> 00:50:10.589 +I was thinking +maybe I'd just take the night off. -01:15:24.687 --> 01:15:28.024 -And bring the fiends of hell -down on our heads, thank you +00:50:11.008 --> 00:50:12.842 +Why don't we just go out +and have some fun? -01:15:28.065 --> 01:15:29.567 -She's right +00:50:12.926 --> 00:50:15.136 +What do you think about that? -01:15:29.650 --> 01:15:31.317 -You'll make 'em notice us +00:50:15.262 --> 00:50:17.388 +You want to come with us? -01:15:31.401 --> 01:15:32.652 -You'll make 'em come +00:50:17.472 --> 00:50:18.723 +Up yours! -01:15:33.653 --> 01:15:36.364 -Why can't you just leave -well enough alone? +00:50:29.818 --> 00:50:31.736 +Hi! My name Borat. -01:15:36.406 --> 01:15:38.283 -Lady, this what you call -'"well enough"? +00:50:32.362 --> 00:50:34.280 +- This my friend, Luenell. +- Hi, Luenell. -01:15:38.366 --> 01:15:39.868 -You wanna stop us? +00:50:34.364 --> 00:50:36.365 +She is a prostitute. -01:15:39.909 --> 01:15:41.411 -You better explain to Bobby here +00:50:54.801 --> 00:50:56.844 +You were funny on that bull. -01:15:41.494 --> 01:15:43.747 -why we're not bringin' painkillers -and medicine back for his brother +00:50:56.928 --> 00:50:59.889 +Everybody almost see your underpants. -01:15:43.830 --> 01:15:45.999 -I'm goin', even if I have to go alone +00:50:59.973 --> 00:51:02.099 +I never rode a bull before. -01:15:46.082 --> 01:15:47.792 -You'll die out there, young man +00:51:06.146 --> 00:51:10.066 +Well, you wanna... +You wanna come in for a little while? -01:15:47.876 --> 01:15:50.920 -You'll walk out that door -and be torn to shreds, +00:51:10.150 --> 00:51:13.235 +I would like very much -01:15:51.004 --> 01:15:54.174 -and then your hell-bound pride -will have them come get the rest of us +00:51:13.320 --> 00:51:16.405 +but I in love with a woman in Malibu. -01:15:54.257 --> 01:15:57.093 -Yes, they'll come back for all of us, -just like this good lady said +00:51:16.490 --> 00:51:19.116 +It would not be nice to her for me to... -01:15:57.177 --> 01:15:59.178 -Do you want that -to happen, people? +00:51:19.201 --> 00:51:23.829 +Okay, well, if you're ever in town again, +this way, you know, look me up. -01:15:59.261 --> 01:16:02.431 -No! -No! No! No! +00:51:24.790 --> 00:51:27.208 +If I ever in town again, Luenell, -01:16:02.514 --> 01:16:04.516 -Well, it is this kind of hubris +00:51:27.292 --> 00:51:29.960 +I would very much like to pay you for sex. -01:16:04.600 --> 01:16:07.019 -that brought the wrath of God -in the first place +00:51:30.045 --> 00:51:31.170 +Okay. -01:16:07.102 --> 01:16:08.771 -This kind of pride and defiance of... +00:51:32.589 --> 00:51:34.215 +Good night, Luenells. -01:16:10.564 --> 01:16:12.274 -Shut up, you miserable buzzard! +00:51:34.299 --> 00:51:35.966 +Good night, Borat. -01:16:12.316 --> 01:16:14.193 -You old bitch! +00:51:44.142 --> 00:51:47.186 +You say my name right. Borat. -01:16:17.738 --> 01:16:20.824 -Stoning people who piss you off -is perfectly okay +00:51:47.270 --> 00:51:49.980 +People say Borak or Billy or Bob. -01:16:20.908 --> 01:16:22.576 -They do it in the Bible, don't they? +00:51:51.650 --> 00:51:52.733 +Bye. -01:16:22.618 --> 01:16:24.453 -And I got lots of peas +00:52:04.412 --> 00:52:09.667 +"Pamela is a fairly simple girl, +she recently explained. -01:16:24.536 --> 01:16:27.121 -David, please, if you want to go, -now's the time +00:52:10.293 --> 00:52:14.797 +"'There's not a whole lot of logic +in the way I live my life. -01:16:27.205 --> 01:16:28.956 -How 'bout it, Army? +00:52:14.881 --> 00:52:16.882 +"'I am very spontaneous."' -01:16:28.998 --> 01:16:30.500 -Any help from the armed forces? +00:52:17.884 --> 00:52:19.677 +I'm very spontaneous too. -01:16:30.583 --> 01:16:31.584 -I'll go +00:52:39.823 --> 00:52:42.449 +I needed a gift to give to Pamela -01:16:34.003 --> 01:16:35.505 -Jim Grondin +00:52:42.534 --> 00:52:45.911 +so that she would grant me +entry into her vagina. -01:16:35.588 --> 01:16:37.090 -I had you in school, didn't I? +00:52:46.454 --> 00:52:51.876 +Therefore, I convinced Azamat to let me +film a report in an American store. -01:16:37.131 --> 01:16:39.133 -Yes, me and my sister Pauline +00:52:53.628 --> 00:52:56.922 +Don't spend more than $3. +We're low on money. -01:16:39.175 --> 01:16:40.843 -Pair of underachievers +00:52:58.425 --> 00:53:00.676 +This your shops? -01:16:40.927 --> 01:16:42.136 -After you, Jim +00:53:00.760 --> 00:53:02.803 +Right, this is my antique shop. -01:16:43.221 --> 01:16:44.639 -Yes, ma'am +00:53:02.888 --> 00:53:05.931 +Why do you have +so many things with a flag? -01:16:44.681 --> 01:16:46.015 -Oh, shit. +00:53:06.016 --> 00:53:08.142 +We're honoring our heritage. -01:16:46.099 --> 01:16:48.476 -That it? -That's every body? +00:53:08.518 --> 00:53:12.188 +Now, what in here? What is this? -01:16:48.559 --> 01:16:50.061 -Every body that's goin' +00:53:12.272 --> 00:53:14.148 +These are a number of collectibles. -01:16:50.144 --> 01:16:52.146 -Yep -- Okay +00:53:14.232 --> 00:53:17.902 +I mean, this is a lamp that, you know, +you would use in your home. -01:16:52.230 --> 01:16:55.273 -Single file, -one by one, all right? +00:53:17.986 --> 00:53:21.572 +This is a Chinese cloisonné bell. -01:16:55.357 --> 01:16:57.109 -Let's get this thing over with +00:53:21.656 --> 00:53:25.576 +And this is a little decorative duck. -01:16:58.235 --> 01:16:59.236 -Let's go +00:53:25.660 --> 00:53:28.746 +And do you think, you know, when they... -01:16:59.319 --> 01:17:01.154 -After you -Yes +00:53:32.959 --> 00:53:34.793 +I'm sorry. Wait, wait, wait. -01:17:04.157 --> 01:17:05.158 -Stay together +00:53:39.716 --> 00:53:41.884 +- We need help, baby. +- No, it's okay. -01:17:08.286 --> 01:17:10.163 -You know what? +00:53:45.222 --> 00:53:46.472 +I sorry. -01:17:10.247 --> 01:17:11.748 -Mrs Carmody, you’re not helping +00:53:50.685 --> 00:53:53.479 +Sorry. I will repair all of this. -01:17:11.832 --> 01:17:13.500 -Shut the hell up! -- You shut up! +00:53:54.147 --> 00:53:58.734 +Don't worry. +My friend, he can make glue and... -01:17:20.340 --> 01:17:21.674 -Save the batteries +00:53:58.818 --> 00:54:02.238 +I don't think you're gonna be able to glue +it. You're gonna have to pay for it. -01:18:09.137 --> 01:18:10.722 -Shit. +00:54:02.322 --> 00:54:05.241 +Okay, I have a digital watch +from the future. -01:18:10.805 --> 01:18:12.807 -They left the doors propped open +00:54:05.325 --> 00:54:08.202 +I will give you. +Is worth more than all of this. -01:18:14.142 --> 01:18:15.685 -Think something got in? +00:54:08.286 --> 00:54:10.913 +You broke $425 worth of stuff. -01:18:17.186 --> 01:18:20.189 -Let's just -get what we need, +00:54:11.289 --> 00:54:14.875 +160, 170, 180. -01:18:20.230 --> 01:18:21.648 -get the hell outta here +00:54:16.169 --> 00:54:18.879 +- That's not enough. +- Do you want hair... -01:18:21.732 --> 01:18:23.192 -Yeah Let's do that +00:54:18.964 --> 00:54:20.756 +No, I don't want any damn hair. -01:18:23.275 --> 01:18:26.111 -The meds -are over at the end there, +00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:23.133 +This is best hair in Kazakhstan. +Feel the quality. -01:18:26.195 --> 01:18:27.696 -in the cubicle +00:54:23.218 --> 00:54:24.760 +I don't want your damn hair. -01:18:48.174 --> 01:18:49.509 -Will you not do that? +00:54:24.844 --> 00:54:28.430 +This is hair from pubis. +I can get 2,000 bags by next Friday. -01:18:49.592 --> 01:18:51.552 -I'm sorry I'm sorry. +00:54:28.515 --> 00:54:31.100 +We don't use that stuff in this country. -01:18:51.636 --> 01:18:53.596 -Oh, God. +00:54:31.393 --> 00:54:32.977 +Have you offered them pubic hair? -01:19:18.286 --> 01:19:19.621 -Where's that Silvadene? +00:54:33.061 --> 00:54:34.770 +Yes! -01:19:19.705 --> 01:19:21.206 -It's over behind David +00:54:34.854 --> 00:54:36.855 +Just give me another 20. -01:19:21.289 --> 01:19:23.125 -In the fridge Check there +00:54:37.274 --> 00:54:38.274 +It was a mistake. -01:19:29.256 --> 01:19:30.674 -Silvadene Got it +00:54:38.358 --> 00:54:39.566 +You screwed up again. -01:19:31.258 --> 01:19:33.301 -- Good -- Ollie, what are we lookin' for? +00:54:39.651 --> 00:54:40.901 +I didn't see the truck. -01:19:33.385 --> 01:19:34.886 -Penicillin -Yeah +00:54:40.986 --> 00:54:43.112 +- I slipped on it and that was it. +- Only an idiot could do this. -01:19:34.970 --> 01:19:36.430 -Any strong antibiotics +00:54:43.196 --> 00:54:47.449 +Would you have believed this +if I had told you? All right. Go. Go. Go. -01:19:36.513 --> 01:19:37.514 -Yeah +00:54:53.039 --> 00:54:55.541 +You've ruined this documentary +and almost bankrupt us. -01:19:38.265 --> 01:19:41.684 -Pain meds like -Vicodin or OxyContin +00:54:55.625 --> 00:54:58.127 +So call the ministry +and get more money. -01:19:41.767 --> 01:19:43.269 -Shh! -- OxyContin! +00:54:58.211 --> 00:55:01.297 +What? If I did that, +they would kill us! -01:19:44.979 --> 01:19:46.772 -Hydrochloride? +00:55:02.048 --> 00:55:06.343 +California had better be as good +as you say, or we're finished. -01:19:49.275 --> 01:19:50.276 -Penicillin +00:55:27.490 --> 00:55:28.657 +You bastard. -01:20:01.537 --> 01:20:02.538 -guys - -01:20:06.417 --> 01:20:08.043 -Hurry it up -I hear something - -01:20:11.921 --> 01:20:12.922 -What? - -01:20:15.175 --> 01:20:16.760 -Somethin' fuckin' weird - -01:20:26.353 --> 01:20:28.146 -Oh, God - -01:20:28.355 --> 01:20:29.647 -Oh, God! - -01:20:29.689 --> 01:20:33.651 -No Oh, no - -01:20:33.735 --> 01:20:35.486 -Oh, nooooo - -01:20:35.569 --> 01:20:37.112 -Oh, fuck. - -01:20:39.031 --> 01:20:40.991 -Look -There's another one - -01:20:41.033 --> 01:20:43.827 -Oh, my God -No, no, no - -01:20:43.869 --> 01:20:46.246 -Oh, no, no - -01:20:46.830 --> 01:20:50.000 -guys, let's get out of here now. - -01:20:51.043 --> 01:20:52.920 -Holy shit! - -01:20:56.882 --> 01:20:59.551 -Shit! Shit! Oh, shit! - -01:20:59.635 --> 01:21:04.013 -I'm sorry! I'm sorry! -Help me! - -01:21:04.055 --> 01:21:06.140 -Good Lord! -Help him! - -01:21:11.979 --> 01:21:13.439 -Son of a bitch! - -01:21:13.523 --> 01:21:15.108 -This stuff ain't comin' off! - -01:21:16.109 --> 01:21:18.528 -Oh, man! -He's glued to this fuckin' post! - -01:21:18.569 --> 01:21:20.405 -It's our fault - -01:21:20.488 --> 01:21:22.532 -It's all our fault - -01:21:22.615 --> 01:21:24.075 -It's really stuck - -01:21:28.413 --> 01:21:30.414 -God, I can feel 'em! - -01:21:30.497 --> 01:21:32.499 -I can feel 'em! - -01:21:34.167 --> 01:21:36.086 -Oh, my God! -Jesus! - -01:21:43.260 --> 01:21:44.845 -Oh, my God - -01:21:44.928 --> 01:21:47.389 -I... - -01:21:56.732 --> 01:21:58.691 -There's more! - -01:22:08.701 --> 01:22:09.910 -There's another one! -Hit it! - -01:22:11.829 --> 01:22:14.123 -What the hell is that stuff? - -01:22:14.206 --> 01:22:16.083 -Ollie! One over there! - -01:22:16.125 --> 01:22:17.710 -Ollie, there! - -01:22:17.793 --> 01:22:19.503 -Got it! - -01:22:19.587 --> 01:22:22.048 -There, there, there! -Shoot! Shoot! - -01:22:22.131 --> 01:22:24.008 -Shit! - -01:22:25.925 --> 01:22:26.885 -See 'em? - -01:22:28.553 --> 01:22:31.765 -Bobby! - -01:22:31.806 --> 01:22:33.308 -Bobby! - -01:22:38.480 --> 01:22:40.982 -Hold on, man! Hold on! - -01:22:41.066 --> 01:22:42.776 -- Hold on, man! -- Cut the strand! - -01:22:42.859 --> 01:22:43.860 -Help me! - -01:22:45.195 --> 01:22:46.946 -Let's get out of here! - -01:22:48.948 --> 01:22:51.284 -- A belt! Who's got a belt? -- I got a belt! - -01:22:56.163 --> 01:22:57.498 -I got him, I got him -Hold on - -01:22:58.832 --> 01:23:00.292 -Pull it tight! - -01:23:01.835 --> 01:23:03.462 -Look! Look! - -01:23:11.220 --> 01:23:13.931 -Light! - -01:23:14.014 --> 01:23:16.517 -God! - -01:23:19.645 --> 01:23:22.814 -We gotta get outta here! -Come on! - -01:23:22.855 --> 01:23:25.316 -Let's go, let's go, -let's go, let's go, let's go! - -01:23:25.900 --> 01:23:27.360 -Watch it, watch it, watch it! - -01:23:38.663 --> 01:23:40.081 -Let's get out of here! - -01:23:41.082 --> 01:23:44.168 -All right, go, go, go, go, go, go! -Come on! - -01:23:44.252 --> 01:23:45.420 -Come on! - -01:23:52.634 --> 01:23:54.636 -Oh, my God! - -01:23:56.346 --> 01:23:58.015 -Ollie! Ollie! - -01:24:02.477 --> 01:24:04.354 -Kill it! Kill it! - -01:24:15.073 --> 01:24:16.074 -Fuckers! - -01:24:16.198 --> 01:24:17.241 -Oh, no! Oh, God, he's dead! - -01:24:17.325 --> 01:24:19.994 -He's dead! Get out of here! -Let's go, let's go! - -01:24:20.077 --> 01:24:21.871 -Drayton on, come on, -come on, come on! - -01:24:21.954 --> 01:24:23.456 -Come on, Drayton on, -he's dead! - -01:24:23.539 --> 01:24:24.498 -Come on! - -01:24:55.737 --> 01:24:57.072 -Open the door! - -01:24:58.698 --> 01:24:59.908 -Where's Bobby? - -01:24:59.949 --> 01:25:00.950 -Daddy! - -01:25:02.452 --> 01:25:03.453 -Close up the doors! - -01:25:03.578 --> 01:25:04.537 -Hurry up! - -01:25:04.621 --> 01:25:06.206 -What happened? - -01:25:06.247 --> 01:25:09.000 -They're dead! -They're all dead! - -01:25:25.974 --> 01:25:27.935 -Expiation, because we have seen - -01:25:28.018 --> 01:25:30.562 -the earth scourged -with whips and scorpions - -01:25:30.646 --> 01:25:34.650 -We have seen the earth -vomit forth from her lips - -01:25:34.733 --> 01:25:36.735 -obscenities and profanities - -01:25:36.819 --> 01:25:39.112 -of such nightmare proportions - -01:25:39.195 --> 01:25:43.032 -And for these evil, -lurking spirits, - -01:25:43.116 --> 01:25:45.076 -and for these evil people - -01:25:45.159 --> 01:25:46.494 -How long was I out? - -01:25:46.577 --> 01:25:47.954 -Most of the day - -01:25:49.038 --> 01:25:51.541 -You just came over here to lay down -and went to sleep - -01:25:51.624 --> 01:25:53.292 -Just passed out, is more like it - -01:25:53.334 --> 01:25:54.794 -What will stop this Great Whore? - -01:25:54.877 --> 01:25:56.963 -Just shut down for a while - -01:25:57.046 --> 01:25:58.047 -Sorry - -01:25:58.131 --> 01:25:59.465 -How will it end? - -01:25:59.549 --> 01:26:00.550 -Expiation! - -01:26:00.633 --> 01:26:03.261 -Expiation! -Do you remember yesterday when - -01:26:03.302 --> 01:26:05.013 -How's Joe? - -01:26:05.096 --> 01:26:08.473 -Dead Joe died of his burns -while you were asleep - -01:26:09.057 --> 01:26:10.892 -We were just too late - -01:26:10.976 --> 01:26:12.310 -I told you this would come! - -01:26:12.352 --> 01:26:14.771 -Oh, God, -I thought I was dreaming her voice - -01:26:14.855 --> 01:26:16.148 -No dream - -01:26:16.231 --> 01:26:18.442 -She's getting people whipped up - -01:26:18.483 --> 01:26:21.278 -That poor girl is dead, - -01:26:21.320 --> 01:26:23.697 -and that boy is burnt in the back room! - -01:26:23.780 --> 01:26:25.949 -She's got 'em believing -she's a psychic, - -01:26:26.033 --> 01:26:27.659 -she has a direct line with God - -01:26:27.743 --> 01:26:30.245 -Why wouldn't they? -Woman never shuts up - -01:26:30.329 --> 01:26:32.622 -Like those speeches -Castro used to make - -01:26:35.333 --> 01:26:38.669 -Ollie say you’re thinking of leaving - -01:26:38.711 --> 01:26:40.046 -I'm in - -01:26:40.129 --> 01:26:42.089 -No Sorry - -01:26:42.173 --> 01:26:46.010 -I mean, come on, you saw what -happened to Bobby Mike - -01:26:46.052 --> 01:26:47.053 -I won't - -01:26:47.136 --> 01:26:49.847 -do that again -I won't be responsible - -01:26:49.889 --> 01:26:51.349 -You might want to reconsider that - -01:26:51.432 --> 01:26:53.601 -What will... what will keep these evil, - -01:26:53.684 --> 01:26:54.852 -these abominations at bay? - -01:26:54.894 --> 01:26:56.395 -What will keep them away? - -01:26:56.479 --> 01:26:59.482 -"The rock will not hide them -The dead tree gives no shelter" - -01:26:59.523 --> 01:27:00.941 -What will end it? -Let me hear it - -01:27:01.025 --> 01:27:02.901 -- Expiation! -- What are we talking about? - -01:27:03.068 --> 01:27:05.570 -- Expiation! -- Say it again like you mean it! - -01:27:05.654 --> 01:27:06.946 -Expiation! - -01:27:07.030 --> 01:27:11.993 -Welcome to Sesame Street -Today's word is "expiation" - -01:27:12.077 --> 01:27:14.120 -Hallelujah! Hallelujah! - -01:27:14.204 --> 01:27:16.873 -That boy hasn't been right -since the pharmacy - -01:27:16.915 --> 01:27:19.918 -His mind's just snapped -Gone - -01:27:20.001 --> 01:27:21.503 -Hasn't even been two day s - -01:27:22.587 --> 01:27:24.089 -Not even two day s - -01:27:24.172 --> 01:27:26.758 -I'm not spendin' the rest -of my life here, I'll tell you what - -01:27:26.841 --> 01:27:29.511 -I can quietly gather up -some bags of groceries - -01:27:29.552 --> 01:27:32.888 -and hide them up at one of -the check stands by the door - -01:27:32.971 --> 01:27:35.224 -It was your idea -It's your vehicle - -01:27:35.307 --> 01:27:36.809 -It'll be your call - -01:27:38.769 --> 01:27:41.313 -I'd rather die out there trying -than in here waiting - -01:27:43.440 --> 01:27:45.734 -Who will save them? No one - -01:27:45.776 --> 01:27:48.862 -The rocks will not hide them - -01:27:48.946 --> 01:27:51.740 -I want some idea -of what we’re up against - -01:27:51.782 --> 01:27:53.450 -I want to know what this mist is - -01:27:54.785 --> 01:27:55.953 -I want to talk to the soldiers - -01:27:56.036 --> 01:27:57.537 -Soldiers? What's that gonna do? - -01:27:57.578 --> 01:27:59.831 -You heard what that MP said -at the pharmacy - -01:27:59.914 --> 01:28:02.250 -David, I'm not even sure -I knew he was talking - -01:28:02.291 --> 01:28:03.960 -The situation was insane - -01:28:04.043 --> 01:28:05.837 -He said he was sorry - -01:28:05.920 --> 01:28:07.880 -Wasn't that the word -he used... "sorry"? - -01:28:07.964 --> 01:28:09.966 -That's right -He said it was their fault, right? - -01:28:10.049 --> 01:28:11.592 -What did he mean by that? - -01:28:11.676 --> 01:28:14.178 -That's what we’re gonna find out - -01:28:14.262 --> 01:28:15.930 -Irene, stay with Billy, please - -01:28:15.972 --> 01:28:17.265 -Verse 17! - -01:28:17.348 --> 01:28:19.851 -"poured out his vial into the air, - -01:28:19.934 --> 01:28:21.811 -"and there came a great voice - -01:28:21.894 --> 01:28:24.605 -"out of the temple of heaven -from the throne, saying, - -01:28:24.689 --> 01:28:27.190 -"'It is done! It is done! ' - -01:28:27.274 --> 01:28:30.485 -"And there were voices -and lightning, - -01:28:30.569 --> 01:28:33.613 -and thunders, -and a great earthquake" - -01:28:33.697 --> 01:28:36.366 -Yes! Come to me! - -01:28:36.450 --> 01:28:37.617 -What? - -01:28:37.659 --> 01:28:39.911 -- Where's your friends? -- I ain't seen 'em - -01:28:39.995 --> 01:28:42.247 -Not that big a store -It's kinda hard to lose - -01:28:42.331 --> 01:28:45.292 -I ain't seen 'em, I said -I look like their keeper? - -01:28:48.462 --> 01:28:51.423 -- What do you want from me? -- What do you know about this mist? - -01:28:51.506 --> 01:28:53.966 -I don't know nothin' -I got nothin' to do with it - -01:28:54.008 --> 01:28:55.801 -That's not what the MP -said in the pharmacy - -01:28:55.843 --> 01:28:57.678 -before the spiders -came out of his skin - -01:28:59.221 --> 01:29:00.973 -They're not in the store - -01:29:01.057 --> 01:29:04.226 -The only place we haven't looked -is the loading dock - -01:29:04.310 --> 01:29:05.269 -because you know - -01:29:05.353 --> 01:29:07.521 -You saw the good face -of God tonight - -01:29:07.605 --> 01:29:08.856 -Yes? Tell us - -01:29:08.939 --> 01:29:11.150 -Here is an old man -who has seen! - -01:29:11.233 --> 01:29:13.402 -Yes, he has seen! - -01:29:13.486 --> 01:29:14.445 -Amen - -01:29:14.528 --> 01:29:16.030 -And I want to say, - -01:29:16.113 --> 01:29:18.240 -do I want to walk with you - -01:29:18.324 --> 01:29:20.992 -into my Father's hands? - -01:29:21.534 --> 01:29:22.535 -Morales - -01:29:23.578 --> 01:29:24.579 -Donaldson - -01:29:27.248 --> 01:29:28.249 -guys - -01:29:30.585 --> 01:29:32.087 -It's the only place they can be - -01:29:33.088 --> 01:29:34.130 -What? - -01:29:34.214 --> 01:29:35.632 -Couldn’t just disappear - -01:29:35.674 --> 01:29:38.677 -Look, I told you, -okay, I don't know where they are... - -01:29:45.767 --> 01:29:47.268 -I didn't think they'd do it - -01:29:47.352 --> 01:29:49.895 -They said they would do it, -and I just... - -01:29:49.979 --> 01:29:52.147 -I told them what -the MP said at the pharmacy, - -01:29:52.231 --> 01:29:53.357 -and they swore they'd do it - -01:29:53.440 --> 01:29:55.109 -I just... I didn't think they would - -01:29:55.192 --> 01:29:56.151 -Jesus - -01:29:56.235 --> 01:29:59.446 -It's the Arrowhead Project, -isn't it? - -01:29:59.530 --> 01:30:03.117 -This mist, it's some kind of, what, -military fuckup? - -01:30:03.200 --> 01:30:04.660 -What were you guys -messin' with up there, huh? - -01:30:04.743 --> 01:30:07.621 -We got you now, -you sorry son of a bitch! - -01:30:07.705 --> 01:30:08.664 -Get in there! - -01:30:08.747 --> 01:30:11.750 -It was them! -It was them what done it to us! - -01:30:11.834 --> 01:30:15.337 -It was them what brung down -the final wrath upon us! - -01:30:15.421 --> 01:30:17.880 -Those two peckerwoods that -he's been with this whole time, - -01:30:17.964 --> 01:30:20.383 -they hung themselves in the back -because they knew! - -01:30:20.425 --> 01:30:21.926 -They knew it all along! - -01:30:22.010 --> 01:30:23.845 -- He's crazy He doesn't know... -- Get on your knees! - -01:30:23.886 --> 01:30:25.221 -Stay out of it, Drayton on! - -01:30:25.305 --> 01:30:27.307 -They heard it too, didn't you? -All of ya! - -01:30:27.390 --> 01:30:28.725 -All about the Arrowhead Project - -01:30:28.808 --> 01:30:30.852 -and all that secret shit -up on the mountain - -01:30:30.935 --> 01:30:32.395 -That's what brung it down on us - -01:30:32.478 --> 01:30:34.605 -That's what brung down -the wrath of God! - -01:30:34.689 --> 01:30:35.690 -Oh! - -01:30:37.483 --> 01:30:39.402 -Private Jessup - -01:30:41.321 --> 01:30:42.488 -It wasn't me. - -01:30:42.572 --> 01:30:44.906 -I'm just... -I'm stationed up there - -01:30:44.948 --> 01:30:46.366 -I'm not responsible... - -01:30:46.450 --> 01:30:48.076 -- Bullshit! -- Hell, I'm a local! - -01:30:48.160 --> 01:30:50.162 -Most of you people know me - -01:30:50.245 --> 01:30:52.706 -You stop your chicken shit whining - -01:30:52.789 --> 01:30:55.417 -or I will cut your puling tongue out - -01:30:55.500 --> 01:30:57.044 -Now you tell us! - -01:30:59.087 --> 01:31:00.255 -Tell us - -01:31:00.339 --> 01:31:03.008 -Look, look Okay, okay - -01:31:03.091 --> 01:31:04.509 -I heard stuff - -01:31:04.593 --> 01:31:05.886 -Stuff? - -01:31:05.927 --> 01:31:07.929 -Yes, we all heard stuff - -01:31:09.306 --> 01:31:13.059 -Like how they, um, - -01:31:13.142 --> 01:31:15.227 -how they thought -that there were other dimensions, - -01:31:15.311 --> 01:31:18.105 -you know, other... -other worlds all around us, - -01:31:18.189 --> 01:31:20.691 -and how they wanted -to try and make, um, - -01:31:20.775 --> 01:31:22.234 -a window... - -01:31:22.318 --> 01:31:24.904 -you know, so they could look through -and see what's on the other side - -01:31:27.114 --> 01:31:29.867 -Well, maybe your window -turned out to be a door Didn't it? - -01:31:29.950 --> 01:31:31.786 -Not mine! Those scientists'! - -01:31:31.869 --> 01:31:34.413 -Oh, the scientists! -Yes, the scientists! - -01:31:34.497 --> 01:31:36.624 -They must have ripped -a hole open by accident - -01:31:36.666 --> 01:31:38.459 -This other world -came spilling through to ours - -01:31:38.542 --> 01:31:41.878 -That's what Donaldson was saying -to me right before he killed himself - -01:31:41.961 --> 01:31:43.922 -I didn't understand the half of it - -01:31:45.882 --> 01:31:47.425 -It ain't my fault! - -01:31:47.509 --> 01:31:48.551 -Oh - -01:31:49.636 --> 01:31:52.973 -Ain't His Fault - -01:31:53.056 --> 01:31:55.600 -No, no, no - -01:31:55.642 --> 01:31:57.018 -Ain't nothin' - -01:31:57.102 --> 01:31:59.688 -Ever anybody's fault - -01:31:59.771 --> 01:32:02.107 -But he denies it - -01:32:02.148 --> 01:32:04.651 -He points the finger, - -01:32:04.734 --> 01:32:07.820 -this Judas in our midst - -01:32:07.903 --> 01:32:08.904 -Judas! - -01:32:08.988 --> 01:32:10.823 -David! - -01:32:10.906 --> 01:32:13.158 -You! You! - -01:32:13.200 --> 01:32:15.160 -Don't you know by now? - -01:32:15.202 --> 01:32:17.287 -Don't you know the truth? - -01:32:17.371 --> 01:32:19.957 -We are being punished - -01:32:20.040 --> 01:32:23.627 -For what? For going -against the will of God! - -01:32:23.669 --> 01:32:27.965 -For going against -his forbidden rules of old! - -01:32:28.007 --> 01:32:29.508 -Walking on the moon! - -01:32:29.591 --> 01:32:31.093 -Yes! Yes! - -01:32:31.176 --> 01:32:34.053 -- Or... or splitting his atoms! -Amen! - -01:32:34.137 --> 01:32:36.514 -Or... or... or stem cells - -01:32:36.597 --> 01:32:38.850 -and abortions! - -01:32:38.933 --> 01:32:41.894 -And destroying the secrets of life - -01:32:41.978 --> 01:32:45.231 -that only God above has any right to! - -01:32:45.315 --> 01:32:46.816 -Amen! Amen! - -01:32:46.858 --> 01:32:49.444 -Yes, I know! It is true! - -01:32:49.527 --> 01:32:51.988 -And now we are being punished - -01:32:52.071 --> 01:32:55.074 -The judgment is being -brought down upon us - -01:32:55.158 --> 01:32:57.827 -The fiends of hell, -you see they are let loose, - -01:32:57.869 --> 01:33:01.497 -and star Wormwood blazes! - -01:33:01.580 --> 01:33:02.873 -And it is his fault! - -01:33:02.956 --> 01:33:06.293 -No! No! It is not my fault! No! - -01:33:06.376 --> 01:33:09.338 -They did it! They spit -in the eye of the Almighty! - -01:33:09.421 --> 01:33:10.422 -No! - -01:33:10.505 --> 01:33:12.716 -Get over there! - -01:33:13.258 --> 01:33:14.343 -No! - -01:33:14.426 --> 01:33:16.053 -Judas! - -01:33:17.387 --> 01:33:18.347 -Jim! - -01:33:18.430 --> 01:33:20.891 -Kill him! String him up! - -01:33:23.977 --> 01:33:25.646 -Stand up, you coward! - -01:33:30.232 --> 01:33:31.359 -Jesus! - -01:33:34.362 --> 01:33:35.571 -No! - -01:33:37.114 --> 01:33:39.283 -Expiation! - -01:33:39.867 --> 01:33:40.951 -- No! -Stab him! - -01:33:42.536 --> 01:33:44.455 -Expiation! - -01:33:44.538 --> 01:33:47.249 -Feed him to the beast! - -01:33:47.333 --> 01:33:49.251 -Expiation! - -01:33:49.335 --> 01:33:53.297 -Let the abominations -smell his blood! - -01:33:54.799 --> 01:33:56.467 -No, no! No! - -01:33:59.219 --> 01:34:02.430 -- Jesus! Wait! -- No, David! - -01:34:59.193 --> 01:35:00.611 -Please - -01:35:11.247 --> 01:35:13.916 -The beast will leave us alone tonight - -01:35:15.418 --> 01:35:16.419 -Tomorrow - -01:35:17.754 --> 01:35:20.255 -tomorrow, we'll just -have to wait and see - -01:35:29.598 --> 01:35:30.766 -Daddy - -01:35:32.434 --> 01:35:33.602 -Daddy - -01:35:45.447 --> 01:35:47.282 -Sorry I left you, pal - -01:35:49.617 --> 01:35:51.285 -I'll never leave you again - -01:35:52.620 --> 01:35:53.788 -Promise? - -01:35:55.206 --> 01:35:58.876 -But you have to give me -your best promise, okay? - -01:35:58.960 --> 01:36:02.380 -Your very best promise, -and can never break it - -01:36:02.463 --> 01:36:04.215 -Tell me - -01:36:05.883 --> 01:36:08.219 -Promise you won't let -the monsters get me - -01:36:11.889 --> 01:36:14.058 -Ever No matter what - -01:36:15.767 --> 01:36:17.227 -I promise - -01:36:20.480 --> 01:36:22.273 -I love you, Daddy - -01:36:22.857 --> 01:36:24.234 -I love you, Billy - -01:36:25.235 --> 01:36:26.569 -More than anything - -01:36:56.265 --> 01:36:57.433 -It's dawn - -01:37:02.896 --> 01:37:05.733 -Hey, pal, -you ready to go home? - -01:37:05.774 --> 01:37:07.151 -Come on - -01:37:09.570 --> 01:37:12.572 -Okay, I got the groceries -hidden at check stand number two - -01:37:12.613 --> 01:37:15.116 -Five bags We can grab 'em -and get out the door - -01:37:15.199 --> 01:37:16.492 -Okay - -01:37:16.576 --> 01:37:20.288 -My car's parked in the center lane -of the parking lot, far end - -01:37:20.371 --> 01:37:22.707 -Whoever gets there first, -open up both doors, - -01:37:22.790 --> 01:37:25.293 -and we'll all pile in -as fast as we can, okay? - -01:37:25.376 --> 01:37:26.544 -Let's go - -01:37:49.941 --> 01:37:52.152 -Stealing food now? - -01:37:56.406 --> 01:37:58.408 -Going out now, Mrs Carmody - -01:37:59.701 --> 01:38:01.370 -Please stand aside - -01:38:02.788 --> 01:38:05.332 -You can't go out -I won't allow it - -01:38:05.415 --> 01:38:06.749 -Won't allow it? - -01:38:06.832 --> 01:38:09.502 -It's against God's will - -01:38:09.543 --> 01:38:11.671 -Don't you know that by now? - -01:38:11.754 --> 01:38:16.300 -Haven't I proven my self -again and again and again? - -01:38:16.384 --> 01:38:20.846 -Haven't I shown that I am his vessel? - -01:38:25.726 --> 01:38:27.228 +00:55:29.868 --> 00:55:31.160 What's the matter with you? -01:38:30.564 --> 01:38:32.024 -Don't you believe in God? +00:55:31.244 --> 00:55:34.413 +How dare you make +hand-party over Pamela. -01:38:33.025 --> 01:38:34.567 -No one's interfered with you +00:55:34.497 --> 00:55:37.041 +Why do you care who I +pleasure myself to? -01:38:34.651 --> 01:38:37.237 -All we're asking for -is the same privilege +00:55:37.125 --> 00:55:39.043 +Because I love this woman. -01:38:37.320 --> 01:38:38.655 -You heard him +00:55:39.127 --> 00:55:42.296 +She's the reason +we travel to California! -01:38:40.240 --> 01:38:44.244 -It is these people -who brought this upon us +00:55:42.380 --> 00:55:44.214 +What? +You lied to me! -01:38:45.537 --> 01:38:46.496 -They... +00:55:44.299 --> 00:55:46.175 +You lied about California! -01:38:46.579 --> 01:38:50.542 -people who refused to bend -to the will of God, +00:56:42.732 --> 00:56:45.984 +Eat my asshole! -01:38:50.583 --> 01:38:53.169 -and claim it privilege +00:57:18.351 --> 00:57:20.060 +Holy... -01:38:53.253 --> 01:38:56.256 -Sinners in pride +00:57:21.229 --> 00:57:22.354 +Okay. -01:38:56.339 --> 01:38:58.341 -Yes, haughty +00:57:47.547 --> 00:57:49.673 +We have a special guest here this evening. +Ruth Feiner is here. -01:38:58.383 --> 01:39:00.010 -Privileged! +00:57:49.757 --> 00:57:51.258 +MORTGAGE BROKERS +ANNUAL BANQUET -01:39:00.552 --> 01:39:04.388 -They mock us They mock our... -our God, our faith, +00:58:17.285 --> 00:58:19.328 +Get the fuck out of here! -01:39:04.430 --> 01:39:07.891 -our values, our very lifestyle +00:58:29.422 --> 00:58:32.049 +So bad news. -01:39:07.933 --> 01:39:10.102 -They mock our humility +00:58:33.092 --> 00:58:35.594 +Azamat have leave. -01:39:10.185 --> 01:39:12.021 -and our piousness +00:58:37.096 --> 00:58:39.598 +I wake up, he disappear -01:39:12.062 --> 01:39:15.232 -They piss on us and laugh +00:58:39.682 --> 00:58:44.436 +and he take Oxana, my bear. -01:39:18.485 --> 01:39:20.154 -It's from them +00:58:44.979 --> 00:58:46.271 +Our bear. -01:39:20.237 --> 01:39:23.741 -the blood of human sacrifice -must come +00:58:47.273 --> 00:58:50.108 +And he also decide to take all money -01:39:23.824 --> 01:39:25.784 -From them +00:58:50.193 --> 00:58:52.444 +and also my passport. -01:39:25.868 --> 01:39:28.454 -- Come on -- the blood of expiation +00:58:56.241 --> 00:59:01.370 +And he leave me -01:39:28.537 --> 01:39:29.537 -Come on +00:59:01.454 --> 00:59:05.290 +only this bag, with a hen -01:39:29.579 --> 01:39:31.164 -You try it +00:59:07.794 --> 00:59:14.299 +and ticket to Kazakhstan. -01:39:31.247 --> 01:39:32.582 -Fuckin' try it! +00:59:15.552 --> 00:59:17.135 +But no passport. -01:39:32.624 --> 01:39:34.083 +00:59:19.347 --> 00:59:23.016 +But at least he is + +00:59:23.101 --> 00:59:25.644 +man enough to leave me + +00:59:32.151 --> 00:59:33.777 +my beautiful. + +00:59:35.738 --> 00:59:39.825 +Which I have cleaned since last night. + +00:59:43.329 --> 00:59:47.457 +And I have decide to + +00:59:47.542 --> 00:59:49.835 +continue making documentary. + +00:59:50.837 --> 00:59:53.589 +Make it without Azamat. + +00:59:53.673 --> 00:59:55.424 +I think it will be better + +00:59:55.508 --> 00:59:58.969 +and we will have more success +without him. + +01:00:35.131 --> 01:00:38.175 +I only want 17 cents, please. + +01:01:03.493 --> 01:01:07.496 +I had no car, no money and no Azamat. + +01:01:07.580 --> 01:01:09.539 +The only thing keep me going + +01:01:09.624 --> 01:01:13.585 +was my dream of one day +holding Pamela in my arms + +01:01:13.670 --> 01:01:16.963 +and then making romance explosion +on her stomach. + +01:01:24.931 --> 01:01:29.309 +Eventually, I managed to hike a hitchings +with group of young scholars + +01:01:29.394 --> 01:01:31.645 +also traveling across country. + +01:01:32.772 --> 01:01:34.690 +FRATERNITY BROTHERS +Univ. of S. Carolina + +01:01:34.774 --> 01:01:38.026 +- How you doing? How you doing? +- Where the fuck are you from, baby? + +01:01:38.111 --> 01:01:39.611 +I am from Kazakhstan. + +01:01:40.113 --> 01:01:42.656 +- Welcome to fucking America! +- Hey, have a seat. Let's go. + +01:01:42.740 --> 01:01:45.367 +- What's your name? +- Anthony. + +01:01:45.451 --> 01:01:46.868 +- Anthony? +- Yes. + +01:01:46.953 --> 01:01:48.704 +- Anthony. +- And Justin. + +01:01:48.788 --> 01:01:51.707 +- Justin. +- And David. + +01:01:51.791 --> 01:01:53.166 +- David. +- Bartender Dave. + +01:01:53.251 --> 01:01:54.710 +Very nice. + +01:01:54.794 --> 01:01:57.379 +- Can you open this, please? +- Oh, sure. + +01:01:59.340 --> 01:02:01.675 +Thank you very much. + +01:02:01.759 --> 01:02:05.887 +So you like the bitches out there +in the fucking old Russia, there? + +01:02:06.139 --> 01:02:07.723 +- What? +- The bitches in old Russia. + +01:02:07.807 --> 01:02:09.474 +How are the women? + +01:02:09.559 --> 01:02:12.686 +The fucking ho's, baby! The fucking girls! + +01:02:12.770 --> 01:02:14.563 +- You fuck the shit out of them! +- Yes! + +01:02:14.647 --> 01:02:16.022 +Then you never call them again. + +01:02:16.107 --> 01:02:19.818 +Why you don't call them? Because +they do not have a telephone, yes? + +01:02:19.902 --> 01:02:21.361 +No, not because of that. + +01:02:21.446 --> 01:02:24.030 +They don't have my respect, you know? +I mean... + +01:02:24.115 --> 01:02:26.783 +So, what are you doing here in America? + +01:02:26.868 --> 01:02:31.621 +They film me travel across U.S. and A. + +01:02:31.706 --> 01:02:35.208 +I don't know what you're saying, man, +but that's cool! + +01:02:35.293 --> 01:02:36.918 +Let's get drunk! + +01:02:37.503 --> 01:02:39.296 +- Yes! High five! +- High five! + +01:02:43.634 --> 01:02:45.719 +This is America in a bottle. + +01:02:47.263 --> 01:02:51.016 +- Oh, baby! +- Oh, baby! + +01:02:51.100 --> 01:02:53.935 +- Borat, let me hear it. Oh, baby! +- Oh, the baby! + +01:02:54.020 --> 01:02:56.021 +Suck, suck, suck! + +01:03:01.694 --> 01:03:03.612 +Let me tell you game we play. + +01:03:03.696 --> 01:03:05.280 +Can I hear a game you play? + +01:03:05.364 --> 01:03:09.075 +We play a game called +"When the snake eat the pig." + +01:03:09.160 --> 01:03:12.162 +- When the snake eat the huh? +- The snake eat the pig. + +01:03:12.246 --> 01:03:15.540 +- You get a baby mouse, very small... +- Baby mouse? + +01:03:15.625 --> 01:03:22.255 +...and you put a bit of cheese +in hole of your chram, until it go inside. + +01:03:22.340 --> 01:03:23.757 +That is too crazy for me. + +01:03:23.841 --> 01:03:26.593 +I'll do it. +I don't give a fuck, I'll do it. + +01:03:26.677 --> 01:03:28.887 +Let me ask you this. + +01:03:30.056 --> 01:03:33.183 +Are woman... +Are women your slaves in Russia? + +01:03:33.726 --> 01:03:35.894 +No. Do you have slaves here? + +01:03:35.978 --> 01:03:37.729 +- We wish. We wish. +- No slaves. + +01:03:37.814 --> 01:03:40.023 +- It is a shame. +- Hey, Borat. + +01:03:40.107 --> 01:03:41.191 +Big shame. Big shame. + +01:03:41.275 --> 01:03:42.776 +It would be better country if... + +01:03:42.860 --> 01:03:45.695 +Yes, it'd be better country. +We should have slaves. + +01:03:45.780 --> 01:03:49.032 +Our country, the minorities +actually have more power. + +01:03:49.116 --> 01:03:53.703 +Anyone that is minority +has the upper hand. + +01:03:53.788 --> 01:03:58.041 +We have the Jews. We have anybody +that's against the mainstream. + +01:03:58.125 --> 01:04:01.002 +- Do you want to see my new wife? +- Yes! + +01:04:01.087 --> 01:04:02.796 +This my new wife. + +01:04:03.965 --> 01:04:05.882 +- Pamela! +- You know her? + +01:04:05.967 --> 01:04:07.592 +Pamela! I know of Pamela. + +01:04:07.677 --> 01:04:10.136 +I will take her virgin for the first time. + +01:04:10.221 --> 01:04:12.973 +- I am going to put this shit on. +- Put it on. + +01:04:13.057 --> 01:04:15.225 +Borat, Borat. We have a lot to talk about. + +01:04:15.309 --> 01:04:17.435 +I will take her virgin. I will uncork her. + +01:04:17.520 --> 01:04:20.647 +Borat, Borat. She is no virgin, Borat. + +01:04:20.731 --> 01:04:22.732 +- Is not true. +- She is no virgin, buddy. + +01:04:22.817 --> 01:04:26.152 +Is not true. Liar! +Liar, liar, your panties on fire. + +01:04:26.237 --> 01:04:27.779 +Borat, shut up. + +01:04:28.781 --> 01:04:31.992 +Small Jacuzzi on a fucking small yacht. + +01:04:32.076 --> 01:04:33.451 +What she do? + +01:04:34.453 --> 01:04:37.038 +- She's sucking some dick, man. +- You see her sucking dick? + +01:04:37.123 --> 01:04:38.415 +This is not her. + +01:04:38.499 --> 01:04:42.544 +I guarantee you that shit's gonna happen. +Don't worry about it. + +01:04:42.628 --> 01:04:45.589 +- That's her, Borat. Sorry. +- Borat, that's her. + +01:04:45.673 --> 01:04:47.173 +This is not her. + +01:04:47.258 --> 01:04:48.884 +It's her. I'm sorry. + +01:04:48.968 --> 01:04:51.219 +- I'm sure it's her. +- I go. + +01:04:51.304 --> 01:04:53.221 +- No, no, no. +- Titty bar. + +01:04:53.306 --> 01:04:55.098 +Come here. + +01:04:55.182 --> 01:04:56.933 +You're my man. You're my man. + +01:04:57.018 --> 01:04:59.686 +I do not know why she is trying to do this. + +01:04:59.770 --> 01:05:01.605 +Come on, Borat. Stay with us, buddy. + +01:05:01.689 --> 01:05:05.275 +We love you. We'll remember you always. +Like I taught you. + +01:05:05.359 --> 01:05:08.028 +Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey. + +01:05:08.112 --> 01:05:10.655 +You're in America now. You'll make it. + +01:05:10.740 --> 01:05:12.407 +You... You keep going, okay? + +01:05:12.491 --> 01:05:15.452 +You are bigger than a woman. +You are better than a woman. + +01:05:15.536 --> 01:05:16.912 +We will always be behind you. + +01:05:16.996 --> 01:05:20.290 +- Do not let a woman ever, ever... +- We'll always be... + +01:05:21.334 --> 01:05:23.001 +...make you who you are. + +01:05:23.085 --> 01:05:25.003 +- Goodbye, my friends. +- Goodbye. + +01:06:04.919 --> 01:06:06.252 +My ticket. + +01:06:11.217 --> 01:06:14.219 +How will I get home? + +01:06:23.562 --> 01:06:25.271 +I sorry, my friend. + +01:06:34.949 --> 01:06:35.991 +Go. + +01:06:37.034 --> 01:06:38.076 +Go. + +01:06:39.954 --> 01:06:41.496 +Run to freedom. + +01:06:42.456 --> 01:06:45.125 +Go! Go and live your life! + +01:07:36.427 --> 01:07:37.761 Come on! -01:39:34.167 --> 01:39:36.419 -Get 'em! -- We want the boy +01:07:39.930 --> 01:07:42.057 +It is good to be here. -01:39:36.461 --> 01:39:37.754 -- We want the boy! -- You get back! +01:07:42.141 --> 01:07:43.516 +CHARLES "CHIP" PICKERING +U.S. Congressman -01:39:37.920 --> 01:39:40.006 -- Yeah! -- You get back! +01:07:43.601 --> 01:07:47.479 +This is my 10th Pentecostal camp meeting. +A decade. -01:39:40.089 --> 01:39:41.007 -The boy! +01:07:48.564 --> 01:07:51.649 +The bottom line is, +we're a Christian nation now, -01:39:42.592 --> 01:39:44.427 -Grab that boy! Grab him! +01:07:51.734 --> 01:07:52.901 +JIM SMITH +Chief Justice, State Supreme Court -01:39:48.473 --> 01:39:49.807 -Grab him! +01:07:52.985 --> 01:07:54.903 +we were one in the beginning -01:39:51.434 --> 01:39:53.269 -And get the whore too! +01:07:54.987 --> 01:07:59.449 +and we gonna always be a Christian +nation until the good Lord returns. Amen. -01:39:53.353 --> 01:39:54.812 -Grab her! +01:08:01.577 --> 01:08:04.454 +I didn't evolve out of a monkey. -01:39:54.896 --> 01:39:57.314 -Kill 'em! Kill 'em all! +01:08:04.538 --> 01:08:07.749 +I didn't use to be a tadpole. +I is what I is. -01:40:12.371 --> 01:40:14.206 -Stay down! -Stay down! Stay down! +01:08:07.833 --> 01:08:09.417 +Praise you, Jesus. -01:40:21.129 --> 01:40:22.798 -I... I killed her +01:08:09.502 --> 01:08:13.588 +The Bible says that God +was manifest in the flesh -01:40:24.966 --> 01:40:25.925 -Thank you, Ollie +01:08:13.672 --> 01:08:15.715 +and believed on in the world. -01:40:28.135 --> 01:40:29.387 -Let's go +01:08:15.800 --> 01:08:19.844 +I got good news. Jesus is God in the flesh. -01:40:30.471 --> 01:40:33.641 -Get that ice machine -out of the way, please +01:08:26.852 --> 01:08:30.146 +I don't care what the devil's done to you +or what he's trying to do. -01:40:36.143 --> 01:40:37.812 -You killed her! +01:08:30.231 --> 01:08:32.816 +All you gotta do +is step out of that aisle now -01:40:37.895 --> 01:40:40.231 -You murdered her! +01:08:32.900 --> 01:08:34.943 +and make your way down to this altar. -01:40:43.818 --> 01:40:45.278 -I wouldn't have shot her, Dave, +01:08:35.027 --> 01:08:37.362 +Let's have a little +old-time church right now. -01:40:45.361 --> 01:40:46.988 -not if there'd been any other way +01:08:37.446 --> 01:08:40.573 +I need somebody to +pray with me right now. Come on, sir! -01:40:47.071 --> 01:40:48.572 -That's why I said thank you +01:08:40.658 --> 01:08:44.452 +The blood over my neighbor. +I bleed the blood over my church. -01:40:48.656 --> 01:40:49.782 -Okay +01:08:47.289 --> 01:08:50.208 +I want you to help me, save me, please. -01:40:49.865 --> 01:40:52.200 -Okay, then -let's go! +01:08:50.292 --> 01:08:52.585 +Ladies and gentlemen, the gentleman here, -01:40:54.160 --> 01:40:55.161 -Get up, Myron! +01:08:52.670 --> 01:08:55.130 +standing right next to me, +his name is Bolak. -01:40:55.245 --> 01:40:56.496 -Come on! We gotta go! +01:08:55.214 --> 01:08:59.551 +Would you greet him with a great big +Jesus name for just a couple of minutes? -01:40:56.579 --> 01:40:57.580 -My ankle! +01:08:59.635 --> 01:09:01.010 +Thank you. -01:41:06.047 --> 01:41:08.174 -Okay All the way down! +01:09:02.304 --> 01:09:04.180 +I have no friends. -01:41:09.217 --> 01:41:10.844 -Where are they? +01:09:04.265 --> 01:09:06.307 +I am alone in this country. -01:41:10.927 --> 01:41:12.762 -Bud! Myron! +01:09:06.392 --> 01:09:07.934 +Nobody like me. -01:41:12.846 --> 01:41:13.847 -Ambrose! +01:09:08.060 --> 01:09:10.103 +My only friend, Azamat, -01:41:13.930 --> 01:41:15.515 -I think I broke it! +01:09:10.187 --> 01:09:14.023 +he take my money and my bear +and he leave me alone. -01:41:15.598 --> 01:41:17.142 -Come on! Come on! +01:09:14.108 --> 01:09:15.567 +Not only this. -01:41:17.225 --> 01:41:18.727 -We gotta go! -Come on, come on! +01:09:15.651 --> 01:09:19.863 +The woman I love, +the reason I travel across the country, -01:41:18.810 --> 01:41:20.019 -They're lost! +01:09:19.947 --> 01:09:23.491 +she have do something terrible on a boat, -01:41:27.735 --> 01:41:29.361 -- Oh, Jesus -- Ollie! +01:09:23.576 --> 01:09:26.536 +- and now I can never forgive her. +- You have to. -01:41:29.445 --> 01:41:31.989 -Ollie! +01:09:26.620 --> 01:09:29.789 +Is there anybody who can help me? -01:42:11.736 --> 01:42:13.071 -All that screaming! +01:09:29.874 --> 01:09:33.126 +Yes. The one that can help you +is who we preached about tonight. -01:42:14.238 --> 01:42:16.573 -Are they out there? -Can they see us? +01:09:33.210 --> 01:09:35.962 +- Jesus. +- Do Jesus like me? -01:42:26.416 --> 01:42:28.835 -Let me... let me in! -Let me in! +01:09:36.088 --> 01:09:38.631 +Absolutely, Jesus loves you. -01:42:43.265 --> 01:42:44.767 -Are we going? +01:09:38.716 --> 01:09:42.177 +Do Jesus like my sons? -01:42:51.607 --> 01:42:52.900 -- No -- Yeah +01:09:42.261 --> 01:09:43.553 +Jesus loves your sons. -01:42:52.942 --> 01:42:55.069 -- No! No! -- Yeah! +01:09:43.637 --> 01:09:46.472 +Do Jesus love my retard brother, Bilo? -01:42:55.111 --> 01:42:56.445 -- Daddy -- David +01:09:46.557 --> 01:09:48.016 +He loves your brother, Bilo. -01:42:56.529 --> 01:42:58.447 -- David, no -- Daddy, no +01:09:48.100 --> 01:09:52.270 +Do Jesus love my neighbor, +Nursultan Tulyakbay? -01:42:58.531 --> 01:43:00.283 -- David! -- Daddy! +01:09:52.354 --> 01:09:53.855 +Yes. He loves everybody. -01:43:00.366 --> 01:43:01.867 -Get back in the car! +01:09:53.939 --> 01:09:56.858 +Nobody love my neighbor, +Nursultan Tulyakbay. -01:43:01.951 --> 01:43:03.577 -- Daddy! -- David! +01:09:58.777 --> 01:10:01.779 +Can Jesus heal the pain +that is in my heart? -01:43:13.920 --> 01:43:15.630 -Oh, my God! +01:10:02.364 --> 01:10:05.033 +Jesus can heal your pain in your heart. -01:43:18.466 --> 01:43:20.427 -Oh, my God! +01:10:05.117 --> 01:10:08.119 +Make him heal the pain that is in my heart. -01:43:40.613 --> 01:43:41.614 -We gotta go +01:10:08.204 --> 01:10:11.164 +- Lift your hands and begin to worship. +- Lift your hands. -01:45:40.812 --> 01:45:42.772 -I told her I'd fix it +01:10:11.248 --> 01:10:15.001 +Would you lift your hands with him +as we pray in the name of Jesus. -01:45:46.192 --> 01:45:48.111 -Front window +01:10:15.085 --> 01:10:16.878 +- God, forgive me of my sins. +- God, forgive me... -01:45:48.194 --> 01:45:49.529 -broken open +01:10:16.962 --> 01:10:19.422 +- Forgive me, God. Cleanse me. +- Cleanse me. -01:45:53.283 --> 01:45:54.409 -Tree +01:10:19.506 --> 01:10:21.883 +Cleanse me, Lord, in the name of Jesus. -01:45:56.619 --> 01:45:57.578 -My +01:10:23.802 --> 01:10:25.929 +Yeah, let that tongue go. Here it comes. -01:45:58.662 --> 01:45:59.997 -grandfather's tree +01:10:26.013 --> 01:10:28.556 +We're gonna speak in other tongues. -01:46:15.054 --> 01:46:18.390 -I'm sorry, David, -I'm just so sorry +01:10:28.641 --> 01:10:30.475 +Let that tongue go. -01:46:33.488 --> 01:46:34.447 -Let's, uh +01:10:31.602 --> 01:10:33.811 +Yes, God. Yes, God. Yes, God. -01:46:36.824 --> 01:46:37.951 -see how far this +01:10:38.067 --> 01:10:40.652 +Yes! Yes! -01:46:39.744 --> 01:46:41.955 -fuel takes us, huh? +01:11:00.422 --> 01:11:03.299 +I will forgive Pamela +and I will go to California. -01:46:45.083 --> 01:46:47.085 -Maybe we'll get clear of the mist +01:11:03.384 --> 01:11:06.261 +I will go to Malibu with me +and my friend, Mr. Jesus -01:50:03.399 --> 01:50:04.567 -Well +01:11:06.345 --> 01:11:08.179 +and together we will take her! -01:50:05.817 --> 01:50:07.819 -we gave it a good shot +01:11:14.812 --> 01:11:19.148 +I took a bus to Los Angeles +with some friends of Mr. Jesus. -01:50:09.237 --> 01:50:10.739 -Nobody can say we didn't +01:11:19.733 --> 01:11:21.693 +Finally, I had arrived. -01:50:12.741 --> 01:50:14.451 -Nope +01:11:23.279 --> 01:11:24.779 +Happy times. -01:50:14.534 --> 01:50:16.369 -Nobody can say that +01:11:48.012 --> 01:11:49.220 +Marilyn. -01:51:45.455 --> 01:51:46.415 -Well +01:11:50.055 --> 01:11:51.222 +Azamat? -01:51:48.625 --> 01:51:50.127 -We got, uh +01:11:51.682 --> 01:11:53.308 +You traitor! -01:51:54.631 --> 01:51:55.590 -four +01:11:53.392 --> 01:11:54.559 +Look, I can explain. -01:52:00.303 --> 01:52:01.262 -Four bullets +01:11:54.643 --> 01:11:57.645 +You attack me. +My mustache still taste of your testes! -01:52:05.891 --> 01:52:07.393 -But there's five of us +01:11:57.730 --> 01:11:58.980 +Calm down. +Let me explain. -01:52:17.903 --> 01:52:19.655 -I'll figure something out +01:11:59.064 --> 01:12:00.690 +What did you do with the bear? -01:54:18.394 --> 01:54:19.895 -Come on! +01:12:00.774 --> 01:12:03.401 +She ran off. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. -01:54:25.901 --> 01:54:27.236 -Come on! +01:12:03.610 --> 01:12:05.903 +Hey! Fuck off, Death! -01:54:28.529 --> 01:54:30.031 -Come on! +01:12:06.071 --> 01:12:07.655 +You need to calm yourself! -01:54:33.409 --> 01:54:36.370 -Come on Come on +01:12:07.740 --> 01:12:09.407 +You have to calm down! -01:54:36.454 --> 01:54:39.665 -Come on +01:12:13.412 --> 01:12:16.706 +Well, that's another fine +mess you've gotten me into. -01:54:46.922 --> 01:54:48.214 -Come on +01:12:19.668 --> 01:12:23.838 +I had not come to Hollywood +to fight a man dressed as Hitler. -01:54:48.381 --> 01:54:50.091 -Come on +01:12:25.049 --> 01:12:28.259 +l had come to make +Pamela Andersons my wife. -01:54:50.258 --> 01:54:51.760 -Come on +01:12:29.261 --> 01:12:31.054 +So I forgave Azamat. -01:54:52.844 --> 01:54:54.638 -Come on, come on! +01:12:31.764 --> 01:12:35.099 +I knew you'd make it here, Borat. -01:54:54.804 --> 01:54:57.891 -Come on! Come on! +01:12:35.726 --> 01:12:38.853 +I felt so bad that I prepare this for you. -01:56:34.984 --> 01:56:37.486 -They're... they're dead +01:12:41.607 --> 01:12:44.942 +It's everything I could find on Pamela. -01:56:37.570 --> 01:56:39.030 -For what? +01:12:45.611 --> 01:12:51.783 +Last Friday she appeared for a group +who are against cruelty to animals. + +01:12:52.451 --> 01:12:54.118 +Against cruelty to animals? + +01:13:01.460 --> 01:13:04.379 +And tomorrow she's doing a signing. + +01:13:05.214 --> 01:13:06.798 +She wrote a book. + +01:13:10.469 --> 01:13:12.595 +What? A woman has written a book? + +01:13:14.473 --> 01:13:15.598 +Dr. Yamak would never believe this. + +01:13:15.682 --> 01:13:16.724 +I know. + +01:13:19.812 --> 01:13:21.938 +We will go to this historical event, + +01:13:22.022 --> 01:13:23.815 +and I will marry Pamela there... + +01:13:24.149 --> 01:13:27.235 +...but in the traditional Kazakhi way. + +01:13:28.487 --> 01:13:30.822 +Azamat, let's prepare the +wedding sack. + +01:13:32.157 --> 01:13:34.283 +You forgive me, yes? + +01:13:35.786 --> 01:13:36.953 +Yes. + +01:13:49.842 --> 01:13:52.844 +Having learned many lessons +from U.S. and A, + +01:13:52.928 --> 01:13:56.889 +I will now teach America +how to have a wedding Kazakhi-style. + +01:13:57.891 --> 01:13:59.851 +You find more. + +01:14:07.401 --> 01:14:10.528 +PAMELA ANDERSON +AUTOGRAPH SIGNING Orange, CA + +01:14:19.872 --> 01:14:22.623 +Very excite. Very excite. + +01:14:37.681 --> 01:14:40.183 +Hi. Hi, everyone. + +01:14:41.852 --> 01:14:43.895 +I love you. + +01:14:43.979 --> 01:14:45.563 +It is me, Borat. + +01:14:46.064 --> 01:14:49.442 +- Well, thanks for coming, you guys. +- Thank you! + +01:14:56.033 --> 01:14:57.825 +I love Pamela Anderson. + +01:14:57.910 --> 01:14:59.368 +- Really? +- Yes. + +01:15:04.750 --> 01:15:06.000 +Go ahead. + +01:15:06.793 --> 01:15:08.169 +- Hi. +- Hello. + +01:15:08.253 --> 01:15:09.504 +Make it out to someone? + +01:15:09.588 --> 01:15:11.464 +My name Borat Sagdiyev. + +01:15:11.548 --> 01:15:14.175 +I son of Asimbala Sagdiyev, + +01:15:14.259 --> 01:15:16.677 +and Boltak, the rapist. + +01:15:16.762 --> 01:15:19.555 +I former husband of Oxana Sagdiyev + +01:15:19.640 --> 01:15:21.432 +who was daughter of Miriam Tulyakbay + +01:15:21.517 --> 01:15:23.559 +and Boltak, the rapist. + +01:15:25.062 --> 01:15:28.523 +I make this for you, this... + +01:15:28.607 --> 01:15:30.525 +There are our name. + +01:15:30.609 --> 01:15:35.321 +My name... Your name, +Pamela Anderson and Borat Sagdiyev. + +01:15:35.405 --> 01:15:37.031 +Here's today's date. + +01:15:37.115 --> 01:15:41.410 +And this say that it is today's date, +our wedding, + +01:15:41.495 --> 01:15:43.621 +and then this inside is silk. + +01:15:43.705 --> 01:15:46.374 +Pamela, will you marry me? + +01:15:46.458 --> 01:15:48.209 +No, thanks. I'm sorry. + +01:15:48.293 --> 01:15:49.961 +No. Agreement not necessary. + +01:15:53.006 --> 01:15:55.299 +Oh, my God! Oh, my God! + +01:16:00.889 --> 01:16:02.306 +Get off! + +01:16:03.517 --> 01:16:06.561 +- Get your own wife! +- Fucking shit! + +01:16:06.645 --> 01:16:08.646 +Come on, get her! + +01:16:08.730 --> 01:16:10.690 +Wait, Pamela. + +01:16:10.774 --> 01:16:13.401 +Don't worry, I nervous too! + +01:16:13.485 --> 01:16:15.278 +Pamela, wait. + +01:16:15.362 --> 01:16:17.321 +Pamela, I will give you your own plow. + +01:16:17.406 --> 01:16:20.491 +Get out of the way! Watch out, watch out. + +01:16:25.914 --> 01:16:29.125 +- Get on the ground. +- Hands behind your back. + +01:16:29.209 --> 01:16:31.460 +- Okay. Pamela... +- We're gonna stand you up. + +01:16:31.545 --> 01:16:34.338 +- Bring your knees up. +- All right. + +01:16:36.258 --> 01:16:39.969 +Pamela, I am not attracted +to you anymore! + +01:16:41.638 --> 01:16:42.680 +Not! + +01:16:51.189 --> 01:16:53.107 +l was humiliated. + +01:16:53.191 --> 01:16:55.943 +It was time for me to return to New York, + +01:16:56.028 --> 01:16:59.530 +where a ticket was waiting for me +to fly back home. + +01:17:00.365 --> 01:17:05.536 +While I sat on the bus, I thought of +my journey over the past three weeks. + +01:17:06.121 --> 01:17:08.122 +The great times. + +01:17:08.206 --> 01:17:10.541 +The good times. + +01:17:10.626 --> 01:17:13.002 +And the shit times. + +01:17:13.086 --> 01:17:15.963 +Mainly, they were shit times. + +01:17:16.048 --> 01:17:20.301 +l had come to America +to learn lessons for Kazakhstan + +01:17:20.385 --> 01:17:22.386 +but what had I learned? + +01:17:24.681 --> 01:17:26.724 +Suddenly, I realized. + +01:17:30.228 --> 01:17:33.731 +I had learned that if you chase a dream, + +01:17:33.815 --> 01:17:36.901 +especially one with plastic chests, + +01:17:36.985 --> 01:17:40.780 +you can miss the real beauty +in front of your eyes. + +01:17:46.787 --> 01:17:47.828 +Hi. + +01:17:49.790 --> 01:17:52.750 +8 MONTHS LATER + +01:17:55.087 --> 01:17:58.005 +Welcome back in my town of Kuzcek. + +01:17:58.090 --> 01:18:02.259 +Since I return, +there have been much improvements. + +01:18:02.344 --> 01:18:05.054 +We no longer have Running of the Jew. + +01:18:05.138 --> 01:18:08.099 +It's cruel. We Christians now. + +01:18:13.063 --> 01:18:14.855 +Doltan improve too. + +01:18:14.940 --> 01:18:17.066 +Hey, Doltan. High five! + +01:18:18.985 --> 01:18:20.444 +Great. + +01:18:20.529 --> 01:18:22.071 +Come my house. + +01:18:25.158 --> 01:18:27.743 +There Nursultan Tulyakbay. + +01:18:27.828 --> 01:18:29.870 +He still asshole. + +01:18:29.955 --> 01:18:31.539 +I get iPod. + +01:18:31.623 --> 01:18:33.624 +He only get iPod Mini. + +01:18:33.709 --> 01:18:35.835 +Everybody know it for girls. + +01:18:36.336 --> 01:18:37.628 +Come. + +01:18:40.173 --> 01:18:43.134 +And this my beautiful wife. + +01:18:45.554 --> 01:18:47.596 +Thank you for watch my film. + +01:18:47.681 --> 01:18:49.515 +I hope you like. + +01:23:45.020 --> 01:23:46.020 +English - US diff --git a/files/assets/2.vtt b/files/assets/2.vtt index 38637f142..f8458d12b 100644 --- a/files/assets/2.vtt +++ b/files/assets/2.vtt @@ -1,4032 +1,5847 @@ WEBVTT -00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:12.000 -RIPPED & UPLOADED BY -LUISUBS +00:00:45.879 --> 00:00:47.714 +Tensions are rising +as the stand-off -00:00:38.914 --> 00:00:42.001 -The year, 1462. +00:00:47.798 --> 00:00:51.801 +between the world community and the +rogue North African nation of Wadiya -00:00:42.168 --> 00:00:45.504 -Constantinople had fallen. +00:00:51.885 --> 00:00:53.094 +intensified today -00:00:45.671 --> 00:00:49.467 -Moslem Turks swept into Europe -with a vast superior force, +00:00:53.178 --> 00:00:57.140 +as U.N. Weapons inspectors were once +again refused access to the country -00:00:49.633 --> 00:00:53.679 -striking at Romania, -threatening all of Christendom. +00:00:57.224 --> 00:01:00.476 +by Wadiyan leader, +Admiral General Aladeen. -00:00:53.846 --> 00:00:56.140 -From Transylvania arose -a Romanian knight +00:01:00.894 --> 00:01:04.689 +I will take no options +off the table. And I mean what I say. -00:00:56.307 --> 00:00:58.350 -of the Sacred Order of the Dragon +00:01:04.898 --> 00:01:07.859 +Tonight we ask... +Who is General Aladeen? -00:00:58.559 --> 00:01:00.936 -known as Dracula. +00:01:08.277 --> 00:01:10.069 +According to +Wadiyan propaganda, -00:01:16.702 --> 00:01:21.832 -On the eve of the battle, -his bride, Elizabeta, +00:01:10.154 --> 00:01:13.281 +Haffaz Aladeen +was born in 1973. -00:01:21.999 --> 00:01:25.169 -whom he prized -above all things on earth, +00:01:16.452 --> 00:01:19.787 +He did not know his mother, +who died in childbirth. -00:01:25.336 --> 00:01:29.548 -knew that he must face -an insurmountable force +00:01:21.623 --> 00:01:25.084 +General Aladeen was born +the only son of the Colonel Aladeen, -00:01:29.715 --> 00:01:34.386 -from which he might never return. +00:01:25.169 --> 00:01:27.462 +himself a savage +and violent dictator. -00:02:30.609 --> 00:02:35.072 -God be praised, I am victorious. +00:01:31.300 --> 00:01:32.300 +Next! -00:02:44.373 --> 00:02:47.751 -Elizabeta. +00:01:34.428 --> 00:01:36.053 +Known for his iconic beard, -00:02:49.420 --> 00:02:54.258 -The vengeful Turks -shot an arrow into the castle +00:01:36.180 --> 00:01:38.639 +he is protected +by 30 female guards, -00:02:54.425 --> 00:02:57.011 -carrying false news -of Dracula's death. +00:01:38.932 --> 00:01:40.641 +who he maintains +are virgin. -00:02:57.178 --> 00:03:03.058 -Elizabeta, believing him dead, -flung herself into the river. +00:01:50.819 --> 00:01:52.487 +Thrust into power +at age seven, -00:03:41.305 --> 00:03:43.724 -My prince is dead. +00:01:52.613 --> 00:01:56.324 +he may just be the most dangerous +man in the entire world. -00:03:43.891 --> 00:03:46.101 -All is lost without him. +00:01:57.034 --> 00:01:58.326 +All right, +let's get right to it. -00:03:46.268 --> 00:03:50.231 -May God unite us in heaven. +00:01:59.620 --> 00:02:01.329 +Do you have +nuclear weapons? -00:04:03.202 --> 00:04:05.704 -She has taken her own life. +00:02:04.208 --> 00:02:05.583 +What was the question? -00:04:05.871 --> 00:04:08.666 -Her soul cannot be saved. +00:02:06.376 --> 00:02:09.128 +Do you have +nuclear weapons? -00:04:09.416 --> 00:04:11.835 -She is damned. +00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:10.421 +Sorry, I can't hear you. -00:04:12.002 --> 00:04:14.380 -It is God's law. +00:02:10.506 --> 00:02:12.215 +Are you developing +nuclear weapons? -00:04:22.846 --> 00:04:25.891 -Is this my reward -for defending God's church? +00:02:12.508 --> 00:02:14.383 +No, I literally +can't hear you. -00:04:26.517 --> 00:04:27.559 -Sacrilege! +00:02:15.135 --> 00:02:17.011 +I'm going to +another question. -00:04:27.726 --> 00:04:31.188 -I renounce God! +00:02:17.095 --> 00:02:19.263 +Oh, I can hear you now. -00:04:32.106 --> 00:04:36.193 -I shall rise from -my own death +00:02:20.015 --> 00:02:22.391 +Eccentric and with +unlimited oil wealth, -00:04:36.360 --> 00:04:40.698 -to avenge hers with all -the powers of darkness. +00:02:22.476 --> 00:02:24.894 +he recently hosted +his own Olympic Games... -00:04:58.299 --> 00:05:02.011 -The blood is the life +00:02:25.187 --> 00:02:27.396 +On your mark, get set. -00:05:02.177 --> 00:05:06.807 -and it shall be mine! +00:02:36.073 --> 00:02:38.533 +...at which he won +fourteen gold medals. -00:06:02.071 --> 00:06:06.950 -I've done everything -that you asked, master. +00:02:42.329 --> 00:02:44.372 +Aladeen! Aladeen! -00:06:07.117 --> 00:06:12.164 -All the preparations are -in order. Everything. +00:02:45.374 --> 00:02:46.707 +Often described +as ignorant, -00:06:12.331 --> 00:06:16.877 -I await your command, -for I know +00:02:47.251 --> 00:02:50.628 +he changed +over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen," -00:06:17.044 --> 00:06:21.173 -that when the rewards -are given, +00:02:50.712 --> 00:02:54.507 +including the words "positive" and +"negative," causing mass confusion. -00:06:21.340 --> 00:06:25.010 -I will be one of those who -benefits from your generosity. +00:02:55.217 --> 00:02:59.845 +Do you want +the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news? -00:06:30.474 --> 00:06:32.768 +00:03:00.806 --> 00:03:03.474 +The Aladeen news? + +00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:07.812 +You are HIV-Aladeen. + +00:03:21.994 --> 00:03:23.202 +With pressure mounting, + +00:03:23.287 --> 00:03:25.830 +Aladeen addressed +his nation today. + +00:03:26.164 --> 00:03:28.332 +Aladeen! Aladeen! + +00:03:59.114 --> 00:04:01.115 +People of Wadiya, + +00:04:01.450 --> 00:04:03.993 +I come before you today + +00:04:04.328 --> 00:04:08.706 +to tell you that the world shall +kneel before our great nation. + +00:04:08.999 --> 00:04:13.961 +We are two months away from +enriching weapons-grade uranium + +00:04:16.340 --> 00:04:21.552 +to be used +for peaceful purposes. + +00:04:28.852 --> 00:04:32.855 +It will be used +only for medical research + +00:04:33.148 --> 00:04:36.317 +and clean energy. +It will, it will. + +00:04:36.485 --> 00:04:39.153 +And will certainly +never be used + +00:04:39.488 --> 00:04:41.989 +to attack Is... +Oh, boy. + +00:04:45.661 --> 00:04:46.994 +With that speech, today, + +00:04:47.079 --> 00:04:49.664 +the international community +is asking one question: + +00:04:50.165 --> 00:04:53.501 +Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya +have nuclear weapons? + +00:05:04.054 --> 00:05:05.179 +Now, show me +my nuclear weapons! + +00:05:05.263 --> 00:05:08.015 +I can't wait! +I can't wait! + +00:05:24.116 --> 00:05:26.325 +This is the Beard +of Doom rocket? + +00:05:26.785 --> 00:05:29.662 +This is my weapon? +I will be a laughingstock! + +00:05:29.955 --> 00:05:32.623 +All my friends +have got nuclear weapons. + +00:05:32.874 --> 00:05:34.375 +Even Ahmadinejad! + +00:05:34.751 --> 00:05:37.920 +And he looks like +a snitch on Miami Vice. + +00:05:38.213 --> 00:05:40.548 +Would it kill him +to wear a tie? + +00:05:41.049 --> 00:05:44.009 +I mean, is every day +in Iran casual Friday? + +00:05:44.886 --> 00:05:48.889 +Where is the Head of my Nuclear +Program and Procurer of Women? + +00:05:49.224 --> 00:05:51.058 +Where is Nuclear Nadal? + +00:05:51.309 --> 00:05:53.728 +You had Nadal executed, +Supreme Leader. + +00:05:54.062 --> 00:05:55.187 +Why did I do that? + +00:06:00.986 --> 00:06:01.986 +Supreme Leader! + +00:06:02.237 --> 00:06:03.571 +Nadal. + +00:06:03.822 --> 00:06:06.991 +We are just months away +from refining weapons-grade uranium, + +00:06:07.242 --> 00:06:09.910 +and we are set +to test the missile next week. + +00:06:11.747 --> 00:06:14.457 +It is too round on the top. +It needs to be pointy. + +00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:17.752 +Round is not scary. +Pointy is scary. + +00:06:18.003 --> 00:06:20.004 +This will put a smile +on the faces of the enemy. + +00:06:20.255 --> 00:06:23.591 +They will think that it is a huge robot +dildo flying toward them. + +00:06:23.842 --> 00:06:25.050 +No, Supreme Leader. + +00:06:25.135 --> 00:06:27.887 +The shape of the missile top +has nothing to do with aerodynamics. + +00:06:27.971 --> 00:06:29.680 +It is about +the payload delivery. + +00:06:29.765 --> 00:06:31.932 +No. It sticks in the ground, +and then kaboom. + +00:06:32.434 --> 00:06:33.893 +Supreme Leader, +I think perhaps + +00:06:33.977 --> 00:06:37.438 +some of your information +about bombs is coming from cartoons. + +00:06:37.564 --> 00:06:39.857 +Nonsense. +They were research films. + +00:06:40.317 --> 00:06:42.610 +And in them, +the victims of the bomb + +00:06:42.694 --> 00:06:44.778 +would get +very sooty faces + +00:06:44.988 --> 00:06:47.865 +and then a see-through +version of themselves + +00:06:48.366 --> 00:06:51.577 +started rising up towards Heaven +while playing a harp. + +00:06:51.953 --> 00:06:55.039 +In this film, +just one question, + +00:06:55.123 --> 00:06:59.043 +was there a duck who, +when the explosion is happens, + +00:06:59.127 --> 00:07:02.338 +his bill goes +around to the back of his head, + +00:07:02.422 --> 00:07:05.549 +and then in order to talk, +he has to put it back this way? + +00:07:06.009 --> 00:07:09.261 +There was somebody +who suffered a deformity like that. + +00:07:09.346 --> 00:07:10.596 +Okay. + +00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:14.016 +I am now 100% sure +that you are watching cartoons. + +00:07:14.392 --> 00:07:16.310 +Have you spoken to +the experts about this? + +00:07:16.394 --> 00:07:19.313 +- Have you consulted Professor Bobeye? +- Who? + +00:07:19.397 --> 00:07:22.816 +Professor Bobeye, the one +with the incredibly strong forearms + +00:07:22.901 --> 00:07:24.944 +that are miss-sized +for his body. + +00:07:25.153 --> 00:07:27.446 +The man you are discussing +is called Popeye. + +00:07:27.572 --> 00:07:29.490 +- Bobeye. +- He is not a professor. + +00:07:29.616 --> 00:07:33.369 +Popeye is, as the song +tells us, a sailor man. + +00:07:34.496 --> 00:07:37.248 +Indulge me. For one second, +pretend that I'm an idiot. + +00:07:37.332 --> 00:07:38.374 +Okay. I'm there. + +00:07:38.458 --> 00:07:41.669 +And explain to me +how this bomb + +00:07:41.878 --> 00:07:44.547 +will not land in Israel + +00:07:44.839 --> 00:07:48.342 +and then, literally, +bounce right back and blow up Wadiya. + +00:07:48.760 --> 00:07:50.302 +Supreme Leader, +let me explain to you. + +00:07:50.428 --> 00:07:51.512 +You've lost me. + +00:07:53.515 --> 00:07:54.890 +This is the missile +in Wadiya, + +00:07:55.517 --> 00:07:57.685 +you push the button, "Boop!" + +00:08:01.273 --> 00:08:02.273 +Israel... + +00:08:06.403 --> 00:08:08.946 +"No! Why?" + +00:08:12.117 --> 00:08:13.242 +Nuclear winter. + +00:08:13.618 --> 00:08:14.702 +The reality is... + +00:08:19.541 --> 00:08:20.541 +Oy vey! + +00:08:22.919 --> 00:08:23.919 +Us. + +00:08:26.506 --> 00:08:29.842 +Believe me, sir, if I could make +the device even a little more pointy, + +00:08:29.926 --> 00:08:32.428 +I would, +but I simply cannot. + +00:08:35.515 --> 00:08:37.516 +Okay. You know what? + +00:08:38.518 --> 00:08:40.311 +Let's just agree +to disagree, my friend. + +00:08:40.645 --> 00:08:41.729 +Okay. + +00:08:43.982 --> 00:08:45.316 +What? Why? No! + +00:08:46.192 --> 00:08:48.402 +- Don't you remember? +- Of course I remember! + +00:08:48.695 --> 00:08:51.655 +How dare you question my +memory? I remember everything! + +00:08:51.740 --> 00:08:54.575 +No, I would never do that! +Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. + +00:08:54.868 --> 00:08:57.286 +Don't worry, it's fine. +Well done, my friend. + +00:08:57.579 --> 00:08:58.746 Thank you. -00:06:33.977 --> 00:06:36.730 -Gone mad. -Renfield is deranged. +00:09:00.206 --> 00:09:01.540 +Wait! Wait! +Where are we going? -00:06:38.482 --> 00:06:40.567 -He's lost his greedy mind, -poorchap. +00:09:01.750 --> 00:09:04.752 +Admiral General, +what if we just tell the United Nations -00:06:40.734 --> 00:06:43.320 -I want you to take over -for his foreign client, +00:09:04.836 --> 00:09:06.170 +we have no nuclear weapons? -00:06:43.487 --> 00:06:45.406 -this rather eccentric -Count Dracula. +00:09:06.254 --> 00:09:07.630 +They will lift +the sanctions. -00:06:45.572 --> 00:06:47.908 -He's buying up property -around London. +00:09:07.714 --> 00:09:09.965 +We'll be free +to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert. -00:06:48.075 --> 00:06:51.912 -Of course, sir. I'll attend to the count. -Thank you for your confidence. +00:09:10.050 --> 00:09:11.634 +Uncle Tamir. -00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:55.040 -This is a great opportunity -for you, Harker. +00:09:11.718 --> 00:09:13.927 +Do you not remember +what my saintly father -00:06:55.207 --> 00:06:58.252 -You'll have to leave for -Transylvania immediately. +00:09:14.012 --> 00:09:15.888 +made me promise him +on his deathbed? -00:06:58.419 --> 00:07:02.089 -Opportunities such as this -come but once in a lifetime. +00:09:16.389 --> 00:09:19.558 +It was never +to sell Wadiya's oil. -00:07:02.381 --> 00:07:04.591 -Yes, of course, sir. +00:09:20.560 --> 00:09:22.603 +You remember that +was when he gave me power -00:07:04.758 --> 00:07:10.013 -If I may I enquire, what in fact happened -to Mr. Renfield in Transylvania? +00:09:22.687 --> 00:09:24.647 +instead of you, +the rightful heir. -00:07:10.180 --> 00:07:14.393 -Nothing. Nothing. -Personal problems. +00:09:24.898 --> 00:09:26.398 +You've been so cool about it. -00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:19.731 -Close these transactions, and your -future with this firm is assured. +00:09:27.442 --> 00:09:28.776 +Now, let's go back +to the palace. -00:07:19.898 --> 00:07:24.236 -Yes, sir. -I will give it my full attention. +00:09:29.027 --> 00:09:30.235 +It's the season finale -00:07:26.405 --> 00:07:29.324 -We've waited this long, -haven't we? +00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:34.031 +of Real Housewives +of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch! -00:07:29.491 --> 00:07:31.618 -We can be married -when I return. +00:09:36.201 --> 00:09:38.702 +Aladeen! Aladeen! -00:07:33.620 --> 00:07:35.080 -Ahem. Of course. +00:09:55.136 --> 00:09:56.762 +Death to the tyrant! -00:07:35.247 --> 00:07:37.374 -I'll write. +00:10:07.732 --> 00:10:09.733 +Looks like we need +to find a new double. -00:07:38.459 --> 00:07:41.837 -Jonathan. Jonathan. +00:10:10.068 --> 00:10:11.402 +Because this one is... -00:07:44.840 --> 00:07:50.012 -Jonathan, I love you. -I love you, Mina. +00:10:11.736 --> 00:10:14.446 +You know, I don't know +if he's going to get better. -00:08:19.124 --> 00:08:24.129 -Twenty-fifth May, Budapest. -Left Budapest early this morning. +00:10:14.781 --> 00:10:16.824 +Oh, he's not going +to recover, sir. He's dead. -00:08:24.296 --> 00:08:29.676 -The impression I had was that we were -leaving the West and entering the East. +00:10:17.575 --> 00:10:20.786 +Send his wife some +chocolate covered almond nuts -00:08:29.843 --> 00:08:33.764 -The district I am to enter is in -the extreme east of the country +00:10:20.870 --> 00:10:23.789 +in a cellophane wrapped box. +Delicious. -00:08:33.931 --> 00:08:35.641 -just on the borders -of three states: +00:10:24.165 --> 00:10:27.918 +We're going to send +your wife some almonds. -00:08:35.807 --> 00:08:38.227 -Transylvania, Moldavia -and Bukovina, +00:10:28.044 --> 00:10:30.212 +Chocolate covered +versions of these. -00:08:38.393 --> 00:08:40.562 -in the midst -of the Carpathian Mountains. +00:10:33.508 --> 00:10:37.344 +Maroush, I think I dropped +an almond in his head. -00:08:40.729 --> 00:08:44.441 -One of the wildest -and least known portions of Europe. +00:10:37.429 --> 00:10:38.846 +Can you take it out? -00:08:46.818 --> 00:08:52.616 -My friend, -welcome to the Carpathians. +00:10:39.514 --> 00:10:42.725 +What I don't want to do is +send the body to the family -00:08:52.783 --> 00:08:56.161 -I am anxiously expecting you. +00:10:42.809 --> 00:10:45.519 +and then they discover +an almond in his head, -00:08:56.328 --> 00:09:01.917 -At the Borgo Pass, my carriage -will await you and bring you to me. +00:10:45.603 --> 00:10:47.980 +and they say, +"Why is there an almond in his head?" -00:09:02.084 --> 00:09:06.964 -I trust your journey from London -has been a happy one +00:10:48.064 --> 00:10:49.231 +Take it out. -00:09:07.130 --> 00:09:13.136 -and that you will enjoy your stay -in my beautiful land. +00:10:51.401 --> 00:10:52.526 +Clean it! -00:09:13.303 --> 00:09:17.891 -Your friend, D. +00:10:53.319 --> 00:10:54.611 +How am I gonna eat that? -00:09:25.357 --> 00:09:28.360 -Diary, 25th May. +00:10:57.574 --> 00:10:59.408 +- Don't eat it. +- Oh, Maroush! -00:09:28.527 --> 00:09:31.822 -My dear Jonathan -has been gone almost a week. +00:11:00.535 --> 00:11:02.703 +Listen, everything +is gonna be just fine. -00:09:32.030 --> 00:09:35.742 -And although I was disappointed we -could not marry before his departure, +00:11:02.871 --> 00:11:04.580 +I don't want you to +worry about anything. -00:09:35.909 --> 00:09:39.037 -I am happy that he got sent -on this important assignment. +00:11:05.373 --> 00:11:07.875 +Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye +when I'm speaking to you? -00:09:39.204 --> 00:09:42.040 -I am longing to hear all the news. +00:11:07.959 --> 00:11:11.795 +It's very rude not to look at somebody in +the eye when they're talking to you. -00:09:42.207 --> 00:09:46.253 -It must be so nice -to see strange countries. +00:11:13.173 --> 00:11:14.882 +It's okay. Don't worry. +You're having a rough day. -00:09:46.420 --> 00:09:52.718 -I wonder if we, I mean Jonathan -and I, shall ever see them together. +00:11:24.976 --> 00:11:27.227 +We shot the wrong man. -00:10:06.023 --> 00:10:10.027 -We're early, driver. -No one is here. +00:11:27.479 --> 00:11:30.856 +I can fix this. I have a new +plan. We need to find a new double. -00:10:10.193 --> 00:10:12.654 -For the dead travel fast. +00:11:30.940 --> 00:11:33.901 +One that is simple enough to +be manipulated completely. -00:11:28.313 --> 00:11:30.857 -I say, is the castle far? +00:11:48.917 --> 00:11:50.918 +I think we found +what you are looking for. -00:12:49.853 --> 00:12:53.482 -Welcome to my home. +00:12:00.094 --> 00:12:02.471 +You think this man +looks like me? -00:12:53.648 --> 00:12:58.820 -Enter freely of your own will and leave -some of the happiness you bring. +00:12:02.931 --> 00:12:05.265 +You have +a very big barn. -00:12:58.987 --> 00:13:04.868 -Count Dracula? -I am Dracula. +00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:09.061 +You must have +many happy goats, hmm? -00:13:05.035 --> 00:13:09.956 -And I bid you welcome, -Mr. Harker, to my house. +00:12:09.270 --> 00:12:11.480 +What the fuck +does that even mean? -00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:15.128 -Come in. +00:12:12.774 --> 00:12:16.068 +Uncle Tamir, +this thing is an idiot. -00:13:29.059 --> 00:13:33.021 -You will, I trust, excuse me +00:12:16.277 --> 00:12:18.070 +What makes you think +he can do the job? -00:13:33.188 --> 00:13:36.399 -that I do not join you. +00:12:18.404 --> 00:12:22.074 +May I remind you that his only real job is +to be shot in the head. -00:13:38.109 --> 00:13:40.862 -But I have already dined, +00:12:22.575 --> 00:12:25.410 +Very well. Put him +through the process, okay? -00:13:42.072 --> 00:13:45.158 -and I never drink... +00:12:26.162 --> 00:12:28.205 +Clip his nails, +file his teeth, -00:13:47.118 --> 00:13:49.246 -wine. +00:12:28.289 --> 00:12:31.083 +bleach his skin, +and shorten the penis. -00:13:54.334 --> 00:13:58.421 -An ancestor? -I see a resemblance. +00:12:35.421 --> 00:12:37.422 +Megan! Megan! -00:13:59.673 --> 00:14:02.926 -The order of the Dracul. +00:12:38.591 --> 00:12:40.425 +You now have herpes. -00:14:04.344 --> 00:14:07.180 -The Dragon. +00:12:43.263 --> 00:12:45.847 +Megan, you were +worth every penny. -00:14:07.347 --> 00:14:13.436 -An ancient society -pledging my forefathers +00:12:46.182 --> 00:12:47.683 +You were super hot. -00:14:13.603 --> 00:14:19.442 -to defend the Church -against all enemies of Christ. +00:12:48.017 --> 00:12:49.268 +Is my jet ready? -00:14:20.861 --> 00:14:27.200 -That relationship -was not entirely successful. +00:12:49.394 --> 00:12:52.437 +Yes, but do you +want to stay the night? -00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:30.078 -Oh, yes. +00:12:52.522 --> 00:12:54.273 +You know, I really +want to do some cuddling. -00:14:34.207 --> 00:14:37.377 -It is no laughing matter. +00:12:54.357 --> 00:12:55.524 +No. Your time is up. -00:14:40.046 --> 00:14:43.967 -We Draculs have a right -to be proud. +00:12:55.608 --> 00:12:57.609 +I have to be +with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow. -00:14:44.134 --> 00:14:46.761 -What devil or witch -was ever so great as Attila +00:12:57.944 --> 00:13:00.320 +Okay. Maroush, +give the goodie bag! -00:14:46.928 --> 00:14:51.474 -whose blood flows -in these veins? +00:13:00.738 --> 00:13:01.738 +Thanks. -00:14:55.103 --> 00:14:56.813 -Blood... +00:13:01.823 --> 00:13:03.240 +I trust +everything is in there, -00:15:01.526 --> 00:15:07.282 -Is too precious a thing -in these times. +00:13:03.324 --> 00:13:05.033 +as your manager requested? -00:15:10.035 --> 00:15:14.331 -The warlike days are over. +00:13:05.118 --> 00:13:07.202 +Katy Perry said she got +a diamond Rolex. -00:15:15.457 --> 00:15:22.172 -The victories of my great race -are but a tale to be told. +00:13:07.287 --> 00:13:09.955 +That's because she let me +Aladeen in her face. -00:15:25.717 --> 00:15:30.931 -I am the last -of my kind. +00:13:12.959 --> 00:13:13.959 +Okay. -00:15:31.973 --> 00:15:38.146 -I have offended you with my -ignorance, count. Forgive me. +00:13:14.043 --> 00:13:16.295 +Right. Are you sure you don't want +to stay for some cuddles? -00:15:50.033 --> 00:15:55.914 -I do so long to go through the crowded -streets of your mighty London. +00:13:16.379 --> 00:13:17.379 +- No. +- But, please. -00:15:56.081 --> 00:16:00.835 -To be in the midst of the whirl -and the rush of humanity. +00:13:17.463 --> 00:13:18.964 +I really want +someone to cuddle. -00:16:01.002 --> 00:16:06.508 -To share its life, -its changes, its death. +00:14:22.528 --> 00:14:25.197 +Breaking news now. +Just moments ago, -00:16:06.675 --> 00:16:10.762 -There. You, count, are-- +00:14:25.281 --> 00:14:26.448 +the U.N. Security +Council voted -00:16:12.555 --> 00:16:17.519 -Are the owner of Carfax Abbey -in Purfleet. Congratulations. +00:14:26.532 --> 00:14:28.909 +to authorize NATO +air strikes against Wadiya, -00:16:17.686 --> 00:16:21.982 -Your firm writes most -highly of your talents. +00:14:28.993 --> 00:14:33.205 +unless Admiral General Aladeen +agrees to address the U.N. In person. -00:16:22.148 --> 00:16:25.610 -They say -you are a man of good... +00:14:33.289 --> 00:14:35.207 +And now, the world waits. -00:16:26.027 --> 00:16:28.154 -taste. +00:14:35.291 --> 00:14:36.541 +What will Aladeen do next? -00:16:29.406 --> 00:16:34.619 -And that you are a worthy -substitute to your predecessor, +00:14:56.938 --> 00:15:01.149 +Next. No, no, no. No. Boring, +boring. Come on. Come on. -00:16:34.786 --> 00:16:36.955 -Mr. Renfield. +00:15:01.234 --> 00:15:04.611 +Beloved Oppressor, +I have just received disturbing news. -00:16:37.122 --> 00:16:39.958 -You may rely on me, -count +00:15:04.696 --> 00:15:07.030 +Welcome +to the Munich Olympics. -00:16:40.125 --> 00:16:41.418 -Forgive my curiosity, +00:15:07.532 --> 00:15:08.699 +Shalom? -00:16:41.584 --> 00:16:45.005 -but why 10 houses in such precise -locations around London? +00:15:09.867 --> 00:15:11.034 +Oy vey! -00:16:45.171 --> 00:16:48.091 -Is it to raise -the market value? +00:15:11.285 --> 00:15:12.786 +Supreme Leader, -00:16:50.802 --> 00:16:54.639 -Do you believe in destiny? +00:15:12.870 --> 00:15:14.162 +the United Nations +demands that -00:16:56.307 --> 00:17:01.146 -That even the powers of time +00:15:14.247 --> 00:15:17.541 +you address their concerns +about our nuclear program, -00:17:01.312 --> 00:17:06.818 -can be altered -for a single purpose? +00:15:17.625 --> 00:15:19.793 +or they will vote to +authorize military action. -00:17:13.700 --> 00:17:18.788 -The luckiest man who walks -on this earth is the one who finds... +00:15:20.628 --> 00:15:21.795 +Summon my generals. -00:17:19.664 --> 00:17:22.042 -true love. +00:15:22.004 --> 00:15:23.630 +I'll join you after +I finish this level. -00:17:22.208 --> 00:17:27.380 -You found Mina. -I thought she was lost. +00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:25.632 +Bonus round. Mass grave. -00:17:27.547 --> 00:17:30.633 -We're to be married -as soon as I return. +00:15:38.521 --> 00:15:42.566 +Those gangsters at the UN +want me to address them. -00:17:30.800 --> 00:17:34.262 -Are you married, count? +00:15:42.817 --> 00:15:46.611 +Fine! I'll address them like they've +never been addressed before. -00:17:34.429 --> 00:17:36.097 -Sir, are you married? +00:15:46.821 --> 00:15:48.071 +How much time +have they allotted me? -00:17:36.264 --> 00:17:38.058 -I... +00:15:48.656 --> 00:15:49.740 +Seven minutes, sir. -00:17:38.224 --> 00:17:41.686 -I was married once. +00:15:49.949 --> 00:15:52.534 +I'll talk for 14 hours! -00:17:41.853 --> 00:17:44.481 -Ages ago, it seems. +00:15:53.077 --> 00:15:55.746 +And three of those +will be untranslatable. -00:17:45.356 --> 00:17:47.275 -She died. +00:15:55.872 --> 00:15:57.247 +Literally, baby noises. -00:17:47.442 --> 00:17:53.073 -Oh. I'm very sorry. -She was fortunate. +00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:03.545 +Okay. Let's rehearse this. +Role play, role play. -00:17:55.658 --> 00:17:59.204 -My life, at its best, is misery. +00:16:03.671 --> 00:16:05.672 +You, come on. +This'll be fun. -00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:08.296 -She will, no doubt, -make a devoted wife, +00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.800 +So, Secretary General, +your soldiers will weep... -00:18:08.463 --> 00:18:12.300 -and you, -a faithful husband. +00:16:10.762 --> 00:16:13.472 +I'm so sorry! +Listen, it was not my fault. -00:18:14.260 --> 00:18:15.762 -Come. +00:16:13.556 --> 00:16:16.099 +I mean, somebody had +set the safety catch -00:18:15.929 --> 00:18:21.267 -Write now, my friend, -to your firm and to any loved ones +00:16:16.184 --> 00:16:18.018 +to "Aladeen" +instead of "Aladeen." -00:18:21.434 --> 00:18:27.982 -and say that it should please you to -stay with me until a month from now. +00:16:18.603 --> 00:16:20.353 +Look, I mean, +this whole gun... -00:18:29.484 --> 00:18:34.405 -A month? Do you wish me -to stay so long? +00:16:21.731 --> 00:16:23.523 +It's gonna be fine. +You just need to ice it. -00:18:37.117 --> 00:18:41.121 -I will take no refusal. +00:16:23.858 --> 00:16:25.066 +You got to ice. -00:18:52.340 --> 00:18:55.510 -Diary, 30th of May, -1897. +00:16:25.485 --> 00:16:26.735 +Promise me +you're going to ice? -00:18:55.677 --> 00:18:59.848 -I know that Jonathan does not want me to -stay here with Lucy while he is away. +00:16:26.986 --> 00:16:28.111 +Okay. Tamir! -00:19:00.723 --> 00:19:02.392 -He thinks that if I -become accustomed +00:16:28.863 --> 00:16:30.614 +Inflate my neck pillow -00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:05.186 -to the wealth and privileges -of the Weston family, +00:16:30.698 --> 00:16:34.075 +and pack my book +of medium-level Sudoku. -00:19:05.353 --> 00:19:09.149 -I will not be content as the wife -of a mere clerk in a law firm. +00:16:34.577 --> 00:16:37.329 +We're going to America! -00:19:09.315 --> 00:19:12.110 -But Lucy and I have been friends -since we were children. +00:17:04.106 --> 00:17:05.482 +America! -00:19:12.277 --> 00:19:16.489 -And she has never minded -that I am only a schoolmistress. +00:17:05.858 --> 00:17:09.069 +The birthplace of AIDS. -00:19:24.747 --> 00:19:26.833 -Oh, how disgustingly awful. +00:17:12.824 --> 00:17:17.244 +Supreme Leader, I took the liberty +of hiring some extra security. -00:19:29.794 --> 00:19:31.212 -Mina. +00:17:17.328 --> 00:17:18.829 +This is Mr. Clayton. -00:19:32.630 --> 00:19:34.340 -Mina. +00:17:18.913 --> 00:17:22.040 +Admiral General, +I am here for your protection 24/7. -00:19:37.010 --> 00:19:41.139 -Oh, Mina, -you're always working. +00:17:22.124 --> 00:17:23.208 +Okay. -00:19:41.306 --> 00:19:43.099 -Is your ambitious John Harker +00:17:23.292 --> 00:17:26.878 +But in the interest of full disclosure, I +have to say I hate A-rabs. -00:19:43.266 --> 00:19:46.811 -forcing you to learn -that ridiculous machine? +00:17:27.755 --> 00:17:29.881 +Well, that's fine, +because I'm not an Arab. -00:19:46.978 --> 00:19:49.314 -When he could be -forcing you to perform +00:17:30.591 --> 00:17:33.927 +Well, you're +all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews, -00:19:49.480 --> 00:19:53.776 -unspeakable acts of desperate -passion on the parlor floor. +00:17:34.011 --> 00:17:36.763 +those blue tree-hugging +queers in A-vatar. -00:19:53.943 --> 00:19:58.823 -Lucy, really. You shouldn't talk -about my fiancé in such a way. +00:17:39.267 --> 00:17:42.769 +In fact, anyone from outside of +America is technically an A-rab. -00:19:58.990 --> 00:20:02.452 -There's more to marriage -than carnal pleasures. +00:17:43.896 --> 00:17:45.021 +Listen, while you're here, -00:20:02.619 --> 00:20:07.624 -Oh, Mina. So I see. -Much, much more. +00:17:45.106 --> 00:17:48.400 +I highly recommend a visit +to the Empire State Building, -00:20:09.876 --> 00:20:12.462 -Oh. Oh, that's-- +00:17:48.484 --> 00:17:51.570 +before you or one of your +sand-monkey cousins takes it down. -00:20:15.131 --> 00:20:16.966 -What is it, Lucy? +00:17:52.238 --> 00:17:55.699 +Also, if you're interested in taking +in a Broadway show while you're here, -00:20:17.133 --> 00:20:20.220 -Oh, Mina. -Because I don't understand it. +00:17:55.950 --> 00:17:57.492 +and you don't mind +the homo stuff, -00:20:20.386 --> 00:20:25.058 -Can man and woman -really do that? +00:17:57.785 --> 00:17:59.828 +I highly recommend +Billy Elliot. -00:20:25.225 --> 00:20:29.437 -I did. Only last night. -Fibber. You did not. +00:18:00.913 --> 00:18:03.415 +You know what, I like this guy +despite his liberal views. -00:20:29.604 --> 00:20:35.026 -Yes, I did. -Well, in my dreams. +00:18:03.499 --> 00:18:04.708 +Very good, sir. -00:20:35.193 --> 00:20:40.865 -Jonathan measures up, -doesn't he? You can tell Lucy. +00:18:09.797 --> 00:18:13.592 +Supreme Leader, the suite has been +renovated to your specifications. -00:20:41.032 --> 00:20:43.576 -We've kissed, that's all. +00:18:19.098 --> 00:18:22.267 +Twenty dollars a day +for Internet? What the fuck? -00:20:43.743 --> 00:20:47.914 -He thinks he's too poor -to marry me. +00:18:23.603 --> 00:18:27.314 +And they accuse me +of being an international criminal? -00:20:48.081 --> 00:20:51.292 -It's all the worse now that I'm here -visiting you at Hillingham, +00:18:28.774 --> 00:18:30.567 +Beloved Oppressor, +try to get some sleep. -00:20:51.459 --> 00:20:53.044 -my rich friend. +00:18:30.651 --> 00:18:32.277 +Tomorrow is +your big speech. -00:20:53.211 --> 00:20:56.589 -Yes, but not even one -marriage proposal. +00:18:32.486 --> 00:18:35.363 +Nobody touch the minibar! +It's a fucking rip-off! -00:20:56.756 --> 00:20:59.217 -And here I am, almost 20. +00:18:55.176 --> 00:18:56.927 +Rise and shine. -00:20:59.384 --> 00:21:01.594 -Practically a hag. +00:18:58.179 --> 00:18:59.179 +Who are you? -00:21:07.392 --> 00:21:10.311 -Mr. Quincey P. Morris. +00:18:59.639 --> 00:19:01.848 +We've actually +already met. -00:21:11.729 --> 00:21:15.441 -- Oh, look. +00:19:02.433 --> 00:19:03.516 +Hello, Aladdin. + +00:19:04.018 --> 00:19:05.769 +Clayton? I thought +we were friends. + +00:19:07.021 --> 00:19:08.355 +Nice to see you, too. + +00:19:09.857 --> 00:19:11.024 +Here's the deal. + +00:19:11.150 --> 00:19:13.360 +I'm gonna kill you, +and then I'm gonna burn your body. + +00:19:13.527 --> 00:19:14.569 +No, no, no. +Please, don't. + +00:19:14.654 --> 00:19:18.823 +But before I do I have +one very important question for you. + +00:19:19.575 --> 00:19:21.576 +Did you get a chance +to see Billy Elliot? + +00:19:23.162 --> 00:19:24.162 +Yes. + +00:19:24.288 --> 00:19:25.372 +And? + +00:19:25.581 --> 00:19:28.208 +I found it heartwarming +and life-affirming. + +00:19:29.627 --> 00:19:32.045 +Thank you! +How great is that show? + +00:19:32.213 --> 00:19:33.630 +It is. +It's great, yeah. + +00:19:33.714 --> 00:19:36.216 +You know, he's got like +an artist inside himself, + +00:19:36.425 --> 00:19:40.053 +but he's in this working class place +and no one understands him. + +00:19:40.137 --> 00:19:43.139 +He's just like... +I'm gonna express myself in my dance. + +00:19:43.307 --> 00:19:44.641 +And he expresses himself... + +00:19:45.393 --> 00:19:48.770 +And he doesn't wanna use violence, +but he puts his violence into his dance. + +00:19:49.063 --> 00:19:50.146 +You should try that. + +00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:54.651 +Okay. So, we gotta get down +to business. Enough chit-chat. + +00:19:54.735 --> 00:19:56.236 +I'm being paid to kill you. + +00:19:56.570 --> 00:19:58.029 +But I'm gonna +torture you for free. + +00:20:02.868 --> 00:20:04.160 +Are you serious? + +00:20:04.412 --> 00:20:05.578 +Where'd you get +those relics? + +00:20:05.663 --> 00:20:08.248 +From the Shah of Iran's +garage sale? + +00:20:08.666 --> 00:20:09.666 +Yeah, right. + +00:20:09.750 --> 00:20:11.167 +I mean, I know there's +nothing more annoying + +00:20:11.252 --> 00:20:12.752 +than a backseat torturer, +but, please, come on. + +00:20:13.087 --> 00:20:14.421 +This is great stuff. + +00:20:14.505 --> 00:20:17.924 +It's not great stuff. +That's like 1972, hello. + +00:20:19.677 --> 00:20:23.179 +You won't be talking +so much smack with this up your butt. + +00:20:23.764 --> 00:20:26.850 +That's the Anal Umbrella. +It's a good device, I grant you, + +00:20:26.934 --> 00:20:28.852 +but where's +the splash guard? + +00:20:28.936 --> 00:20:30.895 +You're going to kill me +and your white shirt. + +00:20:31.230 --> 00:20:32.939 +It didn't come +with a splash guard. + +00:20:33.024 --> 00:20:35.025 +You're gonna get chara +on your trousers. + +00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:37.193 +I can see it has +a screw hole for one. + +00:20:37.278 --> 00:20:38.695 +Apparently, +I didn't get it. + +00:20:39.238 --> 00:20:41.072 +All right, Mr. Smart Guy, + +00:20:41.282 --> 00:20:43.366 +check out this bad boy. + +00:20:43.451 --> 00:20:45.910 +Oh, that's not bad. +The Kandahar Cock Wrench. + +00:20:45.995 --> 00:20:47.370 +Okay, so, now +we're getting somewhere. + +00:20:47.455 --> 00:20:50.290 +It's actually been banned in Saudi +Arabia for being too safe. + +00:20:51.417 --> 00:20:53.793 +You know, +this is totally depressing. + +00:20:54.086 --> 00:20:55.462 +Listen, just show me +another one. + +00:20:55.546 --> 00:20:58.298 +You know, honestly, I don't even want +to show you anything anymore. + +00:20:59.008 --> 00:21:00.300 +Don't be like that. + +00:21:00.843 --> 00:21:02.802 +You know, I don't even think +you want to be tortured. + +00:21:02.887 --> 00:21:04.220 +I don't want +to be tortured. + +00:21:04.305 --> 00:21:05.555 +You're just, like, +taking all the fun out of it! + +00:21:05.639 --> 00:21:07.807 +You just want me to say +compliments all the time. + +00:21:07.975 --> 00:21:10.810 +So either you want the truth +or you want compliments. Decide! + +00:21:11.020 --> 00:21:14.397 +It'd be nice if I got just a little bit +of positive feedback about my tools. + +00:21:14.523 --> 00:21:16.357 +What else you got? +I'm gonna love the next thing! + +00:21:16.442 --> 00:21:17.567 +I will be supportive. + +00:21:17.818 --> 00:21:19.152 +All right. + +00:21:19.695 --> 00:21:22.030 +Just this. This pours +hot fire out on you. + +00:21:22.281 --> 00:21:24.199 +Oh, +the Fallujah Firehose! + +00:21:24.283 --> 00:21:26.034 +Someone's got +a friend in Syria! + +00:21:26.118 --> 00:21:27.577 +I am pretty proud of it. + +00:21:27.661 --> 00:21:29.245 +There is a new model, +you know. + +00:21:30.456 --> 00:21:31.790 +I've got one that +works by Bluetooth. + +00:21:33.751 --> 00:21:35.418 +Screw it. Screw it! +Screw it! + +00:21:35.753 --> 00:21:37.045 +I'm going to enjoy this now. + +00:21:37.129 --> 00:21:38.880 +No, don't. Don't. +Don't. Please, don't! + +00:21:46.889 --> 00:21:50.308 +No one will recognize +the body without this! + +00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:52.811 +The Supreme Beard! +You will be cursed! + +00:21:52.937 --> 00:21:54.020 +No, no, don't do it! + +00:21:54.104 --> 00:21:55.897 +Come on! +Why won't this catch? + +00:21:55.981 --> 00:21:59.818 +You foolish man! There is no earthly +fire that could ever light... + +00:22:01.278 --> 00:22:04.113 +The flames +of the righteous attack the unjust! + +00:22:13.457 --> 00:22:16.876 +I'll be back with help! +J. K.! Just kidding! + +00:22:22.049 --> 00:22:23.716 +My speech. + +00:22:25.386 --> 00:22:28.555 +Yo! +Average American shopper! + +00:22:29.098 --> 00:22:30.723 +I do not have +any money on me, + +00:22:30.975 --> 00:22:32.183 +but if you give me +your clothes + +00:22:32.268 --> 00:22:35.395 +I'll make a sizeable donation +in your name to al-Qaeda. + +00:22:40.693 --> 00:22:47.615 +Hey, hey, oh, oh! +Aladeen has got to go! + +00:22:49.285 --> 00:22:51.286 +Hello. I am +Admiral General Aladeen. + +00:22:51.370 --> 00:22:53.580 +I am here to +deliver my speech to the United Nations. + +00:22:53.664 --> 00:22:55.498 +Look, Admiral, +it's too hot for crazy. + +00:22:55.749 --> 00:22:56.791 +How dare you? + +00:22:56.959 --> 00:22:59.002 +Listen, Tamir is +coming right now. + +00:22:59.253 --> 00:23:01.421 +You're going to +be in big trouble. Here he is. + +00:23:01.881 --> 00:23:03.214 +Tamir! Tamir! + +00:23:12.224 --> 00:23:14.350 +Tamir, it was you, you snake! + +00:23:16.228 --> 00:23:19.898 +He's not the +legitimate leader! + +00:23:19.982 --> 00:23:21.816 +He's not +the legitimate leader! + +00:23:21.901 --> 00:23:25.153 +He's not the +legitimate leader! + +00:23:26.655 --> 00:23:29.490 +You have rehearsed the +speech I prepared for you? + +00:23:29.575 --> 00:23:32.577 +Yes. But when is +the General coming? + +00:23:32.828 --> 00:23:33.995 +He's feeling ill. + +00:23:34.246 --> 00:23:36.331 +Does he have worms in his shilshul? + +00:23:36.415 --> 00:23:37.582 +Very possibly. + +00:23:38.167 --> 00:23:40.668 +Admiral General Aladeen +preparing + +00:23:40.753 --> 00:23:42.837 +to address the General +Assembly of the United Nations. + +00:23:42.922 --> 00:23:43.922 +An historic moment. + +00:23:44.006 --> 00:23:45.673 +He's approaching the podium. + +00:23:46.008 --> 00:23:48.259 +And he's walked +right past the podium. + +00:23:48.427 --> 00:23:49.427 +What is he doing? + +00:23:49.845 --> 00:23:51.846 +You are making +a fool out of me! + +00:23:52.181 --> 00:23:54.182 +Let's bring in Denise, +our U. N. Correspondent. + +00:23:54.266 --> 00:23:55.475 +What do you make of that? + +00:23:56.268 --> 00:23:58.186 +Well, I have to say, +he's got their attention. + +00:23:58.520 --> 00:24:00.688 +Every eye in the room +is on him right now. + +00:24:00.773 --> 00:24:03.191 +And he's returning +to the podium. + +00:24:04.109 --> 00:24:05.860 +And he's fallen +off the stage. + +00:24:05.945 --> 00:24:07.612 +What do you make +of that, Denise? + +00:24:07.863 --> 00:24:12.533 +You know, he's clearly implying that the +U. N. Must fall before him. + +00:24:12.952 --> 00:24:15.453 +Drinking from the +pitcher of water directly, + +00:24:15.537 --> 00:24:18.081 +as opposed to +the glass that I'm sure must be up there. + +00:24:18.165 --> 00:24:19.207 +What do you think +that means? + +00:24:19.291 --> 00:24:21.334 +Again, it's another +attempt to say, + +00:24:21.418 --> 00:24:23.628 +"Listen, I'm not going +to play by your rules." + +00:24:23.712 --> 00:24:25.380 +And he seems to have +a pitcher of urine out. + +00:24:25.881 --> 00:24:28.132 +I believe he just +urinated in the pitcher. + +00:24:29.885 --> 00:24:31.552 +He is now drinking +his urine. + +00:24:31.804 --> 00:24:33.471 +It looks to be +his own urine. + +00:24:34.014 --> 00:24:35.264 +Sorry. You want? + +00:24:35.516 --> 00:24:37.850 +Trying to force it +on the Israeli delegation. + +00:24:38.435 --> 00:24:39.852 +That might be +the ambassador. + +00:24:40.270 --> 00:24:43.940 +He is dumping the urine +on the Israeli delegation. + +00:24:44.191 --> 00:24:45.441 +Oh, that's a good one. + +00:24:47.277 --> 00:24:49.112 +Okay, he's returning +to the podium. + +00:24:49.613 --> 00:24:54.033 +Much has been made +of the hostility between our countries. + +00:24:54.535 --> 00:24:56.869 +With the help +of the U.M., + +00:24:57.121 --> 00:25:00.540 +I will draft a new +constitution for Wadiya + +00:25:00.874 --> 00:25:05.878 +and sign it in five days, +on Wadiya's Independence Day. + +00:25:06.213 --> 00:25:07.213 +No, no, no. + +00:25:07.464 --> 00:25:09.215 +This new constitution + +00:25:09.466 --> 00:25:11.092 +will end the dictatorship... + +00:25:11.176 --> 00:25:12.176 +No! + +00:25:12.261 --> 00:25:15.722 +...and it will +turn Wadiya into a + +00:25:16.223 --> 00:25:17.557 +democracy. + +00:25:20.477 --> 00:25:22.895 +No! Democracy? Never! + +00:25:23.647 --> 00:25:24.981 +Never! + +00:25:26.150 --> 00:25:29.235 +The Wadiyan people +love being oppressed! + +00:25:30.070 --> 00:25:32.530 +Dictatorship forever! + +00:25:39.872 --> 00:25:41.372 +Come on! Come with me! + +00:25:42.166 --> 00:25:43.207 +Hurry! + +00:25:48.547 --> 00:25:50.882 +Hello, person. Person. + +00:25:51.133 --> 00:25:52.467 +Black person. + +00:25:53.135 --> 00:25:54.802 +The double that +you found is good. + +00:25:54.887 --> 00:25:56.637 +He is almost as dumb +as the real guy. + +00:25:56.889 --> 00:25:59.390 +So, Wadiya will +become a democracy. + +00:25:59.892 --> 00:26:02.060 +China is a democracy, +too. + +00:26:04.063 --> 00:26:05.772 +Once that constitution +is signed, + +00:26:05.856 --> 00:26:09.067 +I will be able +to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom, + +00:26:09.401 --> 00:26:11.694 +you will have control of +Wadiya's southern oil fields. + +00:26:11.779 --> 00:26:13.571 +B. P., you will +control the north. + +00:26:13.655 --> 00:26:15.073 +Exxon, you will have +all offshore rights, + +00:26:15.157 --> 00:26:17.408 +provided you do not +use B. P.'s drilling rigs. + +00:26:17.493 --> 00:26:21.496 +And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will +have the lease on our shale reserves. + +00:26:21.580 --> 00:26:23.539 +Some of those reserves are +in densely populated areas. + +00:26:23.916 --> 00:26:26.250 +Then unpopulate them. + +00:26:26.752 --> 00:26:29.629 +After you've paid me +my 30% finder's fee, of course. + +00:26:30.089 --> 00:26:31.422 +Gentlemen. + +00:26:33.258 --> 00:26:35.426 +So, you're going +to make billions. + +00:26:35.511 --> 00:26:37.512 +What will you do +with all those dollars? + +00:26:37.971 --> 00:26:41.641 +I will buy the house on Lake Como +next to George Clooney's. + +00:26:41.892 --> 00:26:43.810 +I love George Clooney! + +00:26:44.144 --> 00:26:45.937 +He's an old-fashioned +movie star. + +00:26:46.021 --> 00:26:47.814 +He gay? +He suck my dick? + +00:26:48.607 --> 00:26:52.276 +No, those are just rumors. +Are you a homosexual? + +00:26:52.528 --> 00:26:55.113 +No, no, no, it's more +of a power trip with me. + +00:26:55.197 --> 00:26:56.739 +Everybody has a price. + +00:26:56.824 --> 00:26:59.909 +Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my +fingers for two hundred grand! + +00:27:07.209 --> 00:27:09.794 +Oh, my gosh, +that was so crazy! + +00:27:10.129 --> 00:27:12.296 +I am so honored +to be able to help you. + +00:27:12.548 --> 00:27:14.549 +Finally, somebody +who knows who I am. + +00:27:14.800 --> 00:27:16.050 +Yeah, of course! + +00:27:16.135 --> 00:27:19.804 +You're the Wadiyan dissident who was +standing up to that asshole Aladeen. + +00:27:20.305 --> 00:27:21.806 +It was so brave of you. + +00:27:22.057 --> 00:27:24.142 +- My name is Zoey. +- I don't care. + +00:27:24.351 --> 00:27:25.351 +What's yours? + +00:27:25.644 --> 00:27:28.312 +My name is Ala... son. + +00:27:28.814 --> 00:27:30.648 +- Allison? +- Right. Allison. + +00:27:30.983 --> 00:27:32.817 +What's your last name? + +00:27:35.737 --> 00:27:37.071 +Burgers. + +00:27:38.073 --> 00:27:39.907 +Nice to meet you, +Allison Burgers. + +00:27:39.992 --> 00:27:41.701 +- You know, I... +- Whoa, whoa, whoa. + +00:27:42.369 --> 00:27:46.122 +Allison, could you +please take your hands off my breasts? + +00:27:46.498 --> 00:27:48.541 +Those are breasts? +I thought you were a boy. + +00:27:52.087 --> 00:27:54.755 +- Where are you taking me to? +- To Brooklyn! + +00:28:04.183 --> 00:28:06.309 +So, yeah, +this is my store! + +00:28:06.393 --> 00:28:07.852 +This is the Free +Earth Collective. + +00:28:08.103 --> 00:28:11.439 +We are a vegan, feminist, +non-profit cooperative operating + +00:28:11.523 --> 00:28:13.774 +within an anti-racist, +anti-oppressive framework + +00:28:13.859 --> 00:28:15.526 +for people of +all or no genders. + +00:28:16.778 --> 00:28:18.946 +We are +a pure democracy, + +00:28:19.031 --> 00:28:21.115 +just like Wadiya's +going to be soon! + +00:28:21.450 --> 00:28:23.159 +Get me clothes, +little man. + +00:28:23.452 --> 00:28:25.203 +Oh, you know what, there's some in +the Earthquake Relief box + +00:28:25.287 --> 00:28:26.829 +in the lesbian bathroom, +right there. + +00:28:26.914 --> 00:28:28.122 +Right. + +00:28:29.208 --> 00:28:31.626 +So, Allison, +we're the only store in New York, + +00:28:31.710 --> 00:28:33.920 +other than that fascist +superchain Green World, + +00:28:34.004 --> 00:28:36.005 +that sells your nation's +specialty fruit, mafroom, + +00:28:36.465 --> 00:28:38.549 +which I know +you people eat a lot of. + +00:28:38.884 --> 00:28:40.676 +Oh, I hope that didn't come off +like a cultural stereotype. + +00:28:40.761 --> 00:28:43.221 +Because I'm, like, +the furthest thing from a racist. + +00:28:43.513 --> 00:28:46.182 +I pretty much haven't +had a white boyfriend since high school. + +00:28:46.433 --> 00:28:48.226 +Well, the darker races +are less choosy. + +00:28:49.853 --> 00:28:51.854 +Okay, that came off +as kind of offensive. + +00:28:52.105 --> 00:28:53.439 +Thank you. + +00:28:54.775 --> 00:28:56.692 +Anyway, let me give +you the grand tour. + +00:28:56.777 --> 00:28:59.612 +Up on the roof, +we have this amazing organic garden... + +00:28:59.947 --> 00:29:02.448 +Boring! Do you sell +any assault rifles? + +00:29:02.866 --> 00:29:05.534 +Oh, wait. I got it. +Humor. Right? + +00:29:05.786 --> 00:29:08.287 +I took a feminist +clown workshop once. + +00:29:08.538 --> 00:29:10.581 +Help! Help! I'm trapped +under a glass ceiling! + +00:29:10.958 --> 00:29:12.583 +What the fuck? + +00:29:12.918 --> 00:29:14.835 +I wasn't the best +student, but... + +00:29:14.962 --> 00:29:17.380 +We've got this wellness center +downstairs in the basement, + +00:29:17.506 --> 00:29:20.758 +where we do water birth. +Have you ever seen a water birth? + +00:29:21.176 --> 00:29:23.386 +Not a water birth, +but I've seen a water death. + +00:29:23.637 --> 00:29:25.137 +Wow. Was it moving? + +00:29:25.597 --> 00:29:27.181 +There was actually +very little movement. + +00:29:27.307 --> 00:29:30.309 +A little wriggling, +then two bubbles, and then a big bloop + +00:29:30.477 --> 00:29:31.686 +and the wallet floats up. + +00:29:33.271 --> 00:29:34.563 +You seem educated. + +00:29:34.815 --> 00:29:36.440 +Yes. +I went to Amherst. + +00:29:36.858 --> 00:29:38.776 +I love it when +women go to school. + +00:29:38.860 --> 00:29:41.862 +It's like seeing +a monkey on rollerskates. + +00:29:42.114 --> 00:29:45.116 +It means nothing to them, +but it's so adorable for us. + +00:29:45.701 --> 00:29:47.618 +Okay. Well, hey, Allison, + +00:29:47.703 --> 00:29:50.955 +you know, we'd love to have you work +here if you ever wanted to. + +00:29:51.039 --> 00:29:55.209 +All of our employees +are political refugees, just like you! + +00:29:55.419 --> 00:29:56.460 +There's Hannah over here. + +00:29:56.586 --> 00:30:00.464 +She's from El Salvador. She's a really +useful member of our team. + +00:30:03.051 --> 00:30:05.553 +Useful as what? +A coat hanger? + +00:30:06.805 --> 00:30:08.639 +- Come on. +- Allison, that's not funny. + +00:30:08.974 --> 00:30:11.976 +Okay. I tell you what, +get back to work, Captain Hook! + +00:30:12.310 --> 00:30:14.478 +- "Captain Hook." It's funny. +- No, it's not funny. + +00:30:14.730 --> 00:30:15.730 +Who's that? + +00:30:15.981 --> 00:30:16.981 +Oh, this is Joteph. + +00:30:17.065 --> 00:30:19.483 +He's from a Sudanese tribe +that has no concept of money. + +00:30:19.735 --> 00:30:21.986 +His entire village +was ransacked. + +00:30:22.237 --> 00:30:23.320 +Hey, Sub-Saharan! + +00:30:24.573 --> 00:30:28.159 +Do you think you could get me 100 +child soldiers here by 5:00 p. M? + +00:30:28.243 --> 00:30:29.285 +No! + +00:30:29.369 --> 00:30:30.661 +Okay. Time out! Time out. + +00:30:30.746 --> 00:30:31.954 +Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! + +00:30:32.247 --> 00:30:33.914 +Shave your under-the-arms! + +00:30:34.249 --> 00:30:37.084 +I dread to think what kind of jungle +you have on your malawach! + +00:30:37.419 --> 00:30:38.919 +That is very inappropriate. + +00:30:39.087 --> 00:30:41.922 +Don't tell me what +to say and what not to say, little boy. + +00:30:42.090 --> 00:30:44.258 +You need to put +that finger away. + +00:30:44.342 --> 00:30:45.718 +I won't put my +finger away because... + +00:30:45.802 --> 00:30:47.303 +Look, I've got +two fingers now. + +00:30:47.387 --> 00:30:48.429 +Okay. + +00:30:48.513 --> 00:30:52.099 +If you do not stop using hateful +language, you cannot work here. + +00:30:52.517 --> 00:30:54.477 +All right. I promise. + +00:30:54.561 --> 00:30:55.770 +Okay. + +00:30:57.189 --> 00:30:59.774 +I tricked you, +Wolverina. + +00:31:01.109 --> 00:31:03.778 +Justin Bieber's +chubby double! + +00:31:06.031 --> 00:31:07.865 +Hairy Potter! + +00:31:15.791 --> 00:31:17.458 +Good-bye, old friend. + +00:31:24.591 --> 00:31:25.966 +When will the Supreme +Leader be better? + +00:31:26.051 --> 00:31:27.093 +In time. + +00:31:27.260 --> 00:31:31.597 +He's resting in his bedroom +and must never, ever be disturbed. + +00:31:32.015 --> 00:31:33.516 +Time for bed. + +00:31:37.687 --> 00:31:40.856 +Being Aladeen has its perks, +does it not? + +00:31:44.111 --> 00:31:45.694 +Dropped your belt. + +00:32:01.795 --> 00:32:03.170 +What are you doing? + +00:32:03.255 --> 00:32:04.463 +She tried to milk me! + +00:32:04.714 --> 00:32:05.714 +No. + +00:32:05.966 --> 00:32:08.134 +They are trying +to pleasure you. + +00:32:08.301 --> 00:32:11.053 +Allow the girls to use +their many talents. + +00:32:20.689 --> 00:32:21.730 +No! + +00:32:21.815 --> 00:32:24.316 +Supreme Leader! +The girls! + +00:32:24.651 --> 00:32:27.319 +Girls, show him +your bosoms. + +00:32:53.221 --> 00:32:56.849 +Let me in! I have +85 rooms at this hotel! + +00:32:56.933 --> 00:32:59.018 +It's me, Admiral +General Aladeen! + +00:32:59.102 --> 00:33:00.394 +I lost my beard! + +00:33:00.979 --> 00:33:02.104 +You don't got a pass, +you don't get in. + +00:33:02.189 --> 00:33:05.524 +But I'm staying here! I paid twenty +dollars for the fucking Internet! + +00:33:06.318 --> 00:33:09.195 +How much do you charge +for assassinations? + +00:33:29.633 --> 00:33:31.634 +Why is this +happening to me? + +00:33:32.552 --> 00:33:35.888 +All I ever did was +steal my country's wealth + +00:33:36.348 --> 00:33:39.391 +and execute anybody +who did not agree with me, + +00:33:40.018 --> 00:33:41.143 +and many who did. + +00:33:41.811 --> 00:33:42.895 +Why me? + +00:33:43.313 --> 00:33:47.024 +Why is it always +the good guys? Why? + +00:33:54.032 --> 00:33:55.241 +Nadal? + +00:34:41.621 --> 00:34:43.622 +Welcome to +the Death to Aladeen Restaurant. + +00:34:44.332 --> 00:34:47.084 +Wait. You look +very familiar. + +00:34:47.460 --> 00:34:48.752 +Do I know you? + +00:34:51.172 --> 00:34:53.632 +Sorry. + +00:34:54.009 --> 00:34:55.217 +So sorry, Supreme Leader. + +00:34:55.427 --> 00:34:57.219 +Don't worry. +I'm 50% to blame. + +00:34:59.889 --> 00:35:02.099 +No! No! Supreme Leader! + +00:35:02.976 --> 00:35:04.935 +Definitely not. +I must be going. + +00:35:05.020 --> 00:35:06.145 +No, no. Stay, please. + +00:35:06.438 --> 00:35:08.564 +If you hate Aladeen +and you like good food, + +00:35:08.648 --> 00:35:11.650 +this is the place for you. +This way. Here we go. + +00:35:26.416 --> 00:35:27.666 +Enjoy it. + +00:35:31.338 --> 00:35:32.629 +No! No! + +00:35:48.188 --> 00:35:49.355 +For you. + +00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:51.815 +What is your name? + +00:35:52.233 --> 00:35:53.442 +Allison Burgers. + +00:35:54.235 --> 00:35:56.987 +That's a made-up name. +What's your real name? + +00:36:00.700 --> 00:36:01.742 +Ladis. + +00:36:02.035 --> 00:36:03.077 +Ladis what? + +00:36:03.495 --> 00:36:05.371 +Ladis Washerum. + +00:36:09.167 --> 00:36:11.585 +So your name +is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"? + +00:36:11.669 --> 00:36:13.379 +That is a made-up name. + +00:36:13.755 --> 00:36:15.297 +What is your real name? + +00:36:15.507 --> 00:36:18.509 +I am interested. +We are interested. + +00:36:22.555 --> 00:36:23.764 +Emploice. + +00:36:24.182 --> 00:36:25.432 +Emploice what? + +00:36:25.725 --> 00:36:28.185 +Emploice... Muswashans. + +00:36:30.772 --> 00:36:32.272 +That is a made-up name. + +00:36:34.567 --> 00:36:35.692 +Okay. + +00:36:35.777 --> 00:36:37.903 +What is your real name? + +00:36:38.571 --> 00:36:39.863 +Max. + +00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:41.240 +Max what? + +00:36:41.449 --> 00:36:45.202 +Imumoccupancyu +One-hundred-and-twenty. + +00:36:48.248 --> 00:36:50.499 +There's a number in the name? + +00:36:50.583 --> 00:36:53.210 +Who are you? +An Aladeen sympathizer? + +00:36:53.420 --> 00:36:56.171 +No, no, no! +Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no! + +00:36:56.256 --> 00:36:57.256 +No! + +00:36:57.340 --> 00:36:59.758 +It's Aladeen! +It's Aladeen without the beard! + +00:37:00.135 --> 00:37:01.885 +No! It's not Aladeen! + +00:37:02.762 --> 00:37:03.804 +Hasan, lock the door! + +00:37:06.891 --> 00:37:09.351 +Wait, wait, wait, no! +There you are, cousin! + +00:37:09.811 --> 00:37:12.146 +This is my cousin. +I see you've all met him. + +00:37:12.355 --> 00:37:15.149 +He's very simple +and backwards. I'm sorry. + +00:37:15.233 --> 00:37:16.358 +- Sorry. +- It's okay, sit. + +00:37:16.443 --> 00:37:17.776 +- Okay. +- Sit and eat. + +00:37:18.319 --> 00:37:19.611 +Have a seat, cousin. + +00:37:20.238 --> 00:37:22.614 +Very sorry. +My apologies. Enjoy. + +00:37:22.824 --> 00:37:25.909 +What are you doing here? +And what has happened to your beard? + +00:37:26.369 --> 00:37:29.538 +I've been replaced by this body +double who's a total imbecile. + +00:37:29.664 --> 00:37:31.290 +How are you alive? + +00:37:31.458 --> 00:37:34.126 +How am I... Wait. +You don't know? + +00:37:34.210 --> 00:37:35.335 +No. + +00:37:35.420 --> 00:37:38.797 +Every single person +you had executed is still alive. + +00:37:39.215 --> 00:37:41.216 +We all live here +in Little Wadiya. + +00:37:41.301 --> 00:37:43.760 +The executioner, he is +a member of the Resistance! + +00:37:44.137 --> 00:37:45.345 +You mean I never +executed anybody? + +00:37:45.430 --> 00:37:46.472 +No. + +00:37:46.556 --> 00:37:48.557 +Like, honestly, zero people. + +00:37:50.393 --> 00:37:54.396 +Nadal, you must help me +get back into power. + +00:37:54.480 --> 00:37:56.315 +What? No. +Why would I do that? + +00:37:56.399 --> 00:37:58.775 +I have a perfectly +good job here. I'm a Mac Genius! + +00:37:59.611 --> 00:38:01.612 +What do you do? + +00:38:03.656 --> 00:38:06.950 +Mostly, I clean +semen out of laptops. + +00:38:08.203 --> 00:38:10.204 +Congratulations. +Living the American dream. + +00:38:10.747 --> 00:38:13.415 +Okay, fine. I will help you. +On one condition. + +00:38:13.499 --> 00:38:14.750 +Name it. + +00:38:14.834 --> 00:38:16.460 +You reinstate me +as Head of Nuclear Research, + +00:38:17.337 --> 00:38:18.837 +so I can finish +building my bomb. + +00:38:19.214 --> 00:38:20.214 +Deal. + +00:38:20.423 --> 00:38:22.674 +One last thing. + +00:38:22.967 --> 00:38:25.427 +You will let me build +a round nuclear weapon. + +00:38:25.845 --> 00:38:28.013 +Never. It must be pointy. + +00:38:28.556 --> 00:38:30.682 +- Wait a minute. This is... +- Whoa. + +00:38:31.893 --> 00:38:34.478 +Okay, compromise. Conical. + +00:38:34.562 --> 00:38:36.313 +- Round. Round. +- Teat-shaped. + +00:38:37.398 --> 00:38:38.649 +Okay. + +00:38:38.816 --> 00:38:40.275 +- Okay. Deal. +- Deal. + +00:38:43.613 --> 00:38:45.447 +Ladies and gentlemen +of the press, + +00:38:45.531 --> 00:38:48.742 +our Supreme Leader +is indisposed to answer your questions + +00:38:49.035 --> 00:38:52.746 +as he is currently +drafting Wadiya's new constitution, + +00:38:53.039 --> 00:38:55.082 +which is scheduled +to be signed + +00:38:55.166 --> 00:38:58.252 +at the Lancaster Penthouse +Ballroom in three days. + +00:38:58.336 --> 00:39:00.003 +Thank you. +No further questions. + +00:39:13.935 --> 00:39:16.478 +There is no way we're going to +get anywhere near this hotel + +00:39:16.562 --> 00:39:18.939 +without a security pass. +This is ridiculous. + +00:39:19.691 --> 00:39:21.358 +- Wait. +- What are you doing? + +00:39:21.609 --> 00:39:23.610 +Hiding from that +lesbian hobbit. + +00:39:24.112 --> 00:39:25.195 +That woman, +you know her? + +00:39:25.571 --> 00:39:27.406 +I cannot begin to tell you +what an honor it is + +00:39:27.490 --> 00:39:29.366 +to be able to provide +all of the catering... + +00:39:29.450 --> 00:39:30.742 +Well, of course. + +00:39:30.827 --> 00:39:32.119 +...and the mafroom +for this signing. + +00:39:32.203 --> 00:39:33.870 +You just paid +this month's rent! + +00:39:34.080 --> 00:39:35.998 +She offered me a job. + +00:39:36.082 --> 00:39:38.834 +Can you imagine that? +Me? Working? + +00:39:39.002 --> 00:39:42.379 +Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only +thing that'll get you past security. + +00:39:42.463 --> 00:39:43.422 +Okay, thanks. + +00:39:43.506 --> 00:39:44.965 +Wait a minute. + +00:39:45.300 --> 00:39:49.177 +Wait, her company is catering the +event. She has a security pass! + +00:39:49.387 --> 00:39:51.555 +That is the answer. +This is the plan. + +00:39:51.639 --> 00:39:54.141 +Okay? You will take that +job and you will work for her. + +00:39:54.475 --> 00:39:57.311 +I will get you +an identical beard and costume. + +00:39:57.520 --> 00:39:58.812 +And then on +the day of the event, + +00:39:58.896 --> 00:40:01.982 +you enter the Lancaster +as a member of her staff. + +00:40:02.066 --> 00:40:04.067 +You will find the double, +switch with him, + +00:40:04.152 --> 00:40:06.611 +then rip up the constitution +in front of the whole world. + +00:40:07.071 --> 00:40:10.282 +Me? Work for that +hairy titted yeti? + +00:40:27.342 --> 00:40:28.383 +Kimberly? + +00:40:29.218 --> 00:40:30.218 +Zoey. + +00:40:30.428 --> 00:40:31.511 +Who cares? + +00:40:31.971 --> 00:40:34.514 +I've come here +to apologize + +00:40:34.891 --> 00:40:38.185 +about some of the comments +I may have made about + +00:40:38.353 --> 00:40:40.312 +Captain Hook and Blackie. + +00:40:42.273 --> 00:40:43.273 +Great! + +00:40:43.649 --> 00:40:45.901 +And I accept your job offer +as general manager. + +00:40:45.985 --> 00:40:48.028 +Well, you can't be the manager, +because I am the manager. + +00:40:48.363 --> 00:40:49.488 +Well, I can +if I killed you. + +00:40:52.241 --> 00:40:54.242 +I think I'm starting +to get you. + +00:40:54.327 --> 00:40:56.453 +All right, then... +I will get you. + +00:40:57.372 --> 00:40:59.039 +Great! +Let's get you to work! + +00:40:59.540 --> 00:41:01.124 +Yeah? +Hold on one second. + +00:41:01.376 --> 00:41:04.002 +Hey, my man! +Excuse me. Hairnet! + +00:41:04.128 --> 00:41:05.128 +Yeah. + +00:41:05.671 --> 00:41:08.131 +I need a little of the +quinoa salad, please, + +00:41:08.341 --> 00:41:11.134 +and throw a couple of +extra cranny-b's on top, if you could, + +00:41:11.344 --> 00:41:14.137 +and I kind of need you +to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop. + +00:41:17.266 --> 00:41:18.266 +Next! + +00:41:20.228 --> 00:41:22.145 +Whoa, whoa! +Occupied! + +00:41:22.230 --> 00:41:24.523 +Out. I have to clean. +Come on, out you go, out you go. + +00:41:24.607 --> 00:41:25.899 +- What? You're hurting me! +- Out. Come on. + +00:41:26.275 --> 00:41:29.403 +Hey, Allison, +can you take out the garbage? Thanks. + +00:41:36.494 --> 00:41:39.955 +Look! One of the +customers left a tip of + +00:41:40.248 --> 00:41:44.626 +some Nair and some female razors. +Does anybody want to use it? + +00:41:49.966 --> 00:41:51.091 +Stop that. + +00:41:52.093 --> 00:41:53.385 +Suck it, loser. + +00:42:00.309 --> 00:42:01.726 +Clean-up on aisle four! + +00:42:14.449 --> 00:42:16.032 +Hey, buddy, I saw that. + +00:42:16.117 --> 00:42:18.452 +That is very disrespectful +to your leader. + +00:42:18.661 --> 00:42:19.744 +Whatever, dude. +Who are you, + +00:42:19.829 --> 00:42:22.289 +Osama bin Laden's +best friend? + +00:42:22.457 --> 00:42:25.000 +No, he is not +my best friend! + +00:42:25.209 --> 00:42:26.877 +Though he has been staying +in my guest house + +00:42:26.961 --> 00:42:29.045 +ever since they shot +his double last year. + +00:42:30.214 --> 00:42:31.965 +Now the guy won't leave. + +00:42:32.049 --> 00:42:34.259 +I know why this guy's +the most hated man in the world. + +00:42:34.343 --> 00:42:36.344 +You just have to go +to the bathroom after him. + +00:42:36.471 --> 00:42:38.388 +You go to the bathroom +after Osama, + +00:42:38.473 --> 00:42:41.224 +you will realize +the true meaning of terrorism. + +00:43:00.536 --> 00:43:01.703 +Here is the plan. + +00:43:01.787 --> 00:43:03.538 +We're going to take +this helicopter tour + +00:43:03.623 --> 00:43:06.082 +and fly over +the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses. + +00:43:06.417 --> 00:43:10.003 +Remember, we're just two +ordinary American tourists + +00:43:10.338 --> 00:43:12.339 +looking at the sights. + +00:43:12.548 --> 00:43:15.842 +Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect +anything. It's a great plan, pointy. + +00:43:16.302 --> 00:43:17.802 +Don't do anything +to arouse any suspicions. + +00:43:17.887 --> 00:43:20.722 +Don't worry. +I am Wadiya's number one actor. + +00:43:20.806 --> 00:43:23.475 +You don't win four +Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing. + +00:43:23.559 --> 00:43:25.894 +Yes, you do, +because you gave them to yourself! + +00:43:26.354 --> 00:43:29.064 +My performance in +Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom + +00:43:29.148 --> 00:43:30.190 +was outstanding. + +00:43:30.274 --> 00:43:31.650 +I give it thumbs down. + +00:43:31.734 --> 00:43:33.443 +Have you seen +You've Got Mail Bomb? + +00:43:33.945 --> 00:43:36.404 +Yes, I've seen them all! +They're all terrible movies! + +00:43:36.489 --> 00:43:37.864 +Listen to me. Okay? + +00:43:38.241 --> 00:43:40.033 +You are a terrible actor. + +00:43:40.117 --> 00:43:44.246 +I urge you, right now, +keep your performance small and real. + +00:43:44.330 --> 00:43:46.248 +All right, can you +get me a cloak? + +00:43:46.332 --> 00:43:47.332 +Why? + +00:43:47.416 --> 00:43:49.167 +Because I think +my guy would be wearing a cloak. + +00:43:49.252 --> 00:43:53.463 +No, your guy wears an American flag +sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge. + +00:43:53.548 --> 00:43:54.548 +I need the sheriff's badge. + +00:43:54.632 --> 00:43:56.049 +For what? + +00:43:56.133 --> 00:43:57.425 +You're sheriff +of American douche-town! + +00:43:58.177 --> 00:43:59.177 +That's rude. + +00:43:59.262 --> 00:44:00.262 +Listen. + +00:44:00.346 --> 00:44:04.224 +We're going to walk over +there, act very inconspicuous. + +00:44:04.684 --> 00:44:05.725 +- Okay. No problem. +- This has to work. + +00:44:05.851 --> 00:44:07.519 +Don't worry. +Just relax. + +00:44:10.189 --> 00:44:11.273 +Are you okay? + +00:44:11.691 --> 00:44:12.691 +My guy has a limp. + +00:44:13.192 --> 00:44:16.278 +I fell off me horse +at the old Bull & Bush Pub + +00:44:16.362 --> 00:44:17.529 +because +I am a cockney. + +00:44:17.697 --> 00:44:18.863 +Listen! Listen, okay? + +00:44:19.031 --> 00:44:21.741 +You need to focus up right now +and be prepared + +00:44:21.909 --> 00:44:24.119 +to deliver a small, +subtle performance. + +00:44:24.203 --> 00:44:25.620 +- Okay, great, okay. +- Okay, good. + +00:44:25.705 --> 00:44:27.247 +Okay. So, when +we go to fly... + +00:44:27.331 --> 00:44:28.999 +Don't do that +with your eyes! + +00:44:29.083 --> 00:44:30.750 +You can't be +a Chinese person on this thing, okay? + +00:44:30.835 --> 00:44:32.127 +I'm not chink, +I'm Chinese-American! + +00:44:32.211 --> 00:44:33.295 +No, but you cannot +hold your eyes! + +00:44:33.379 --> 00:44:34.588 +Nobody is going to think +you're Chinese-American + +00:44:34.672 --> 00:44:35.630 +because you hold +your eyes like that! + +00:44:35.715 --> 00:44:37.173 +It's racist, +what you are doing! + +00:44:37.258 --> 00:44:39.801 +Do you know it's a fact +that they cannot pronounce their R's? + +00:44:39.885 --> 00:44:41.052 +They pronounce them +as L's. + +00:44:41.137 --> 00:44:43.013 +So instead you know +what "rabbit" is in Chinese? + +00:44:43.097 --> 00:44:44.222 +I don't know +how to speak Chinese. + +00:44:44.307 --> 00:44:46.516 +- It's "labbit." +- It's not "labbit"! + +00:44:46.601 --> 00:44:49.227 +Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit +was a huge hit in China! + +00:44:49.312 --> 00:44:50.312 +Nobody... +It's stup... + +00:44:50.396 --> 00:44:51.438 +All right, I don't care. +This is stupid, okay? + +00:44:51.814 --> 00:44:54.482 +Okay, I'll do Filipino. +I like to work, I like to talk. + +00:44:54.567 --> 00:44:55.817 +- Don't. +- I like the shit, I do the kids. + +00:44:55.901 --> 00:44:56.901 +Stop that. + +00:44:57.737 --> 00:45:00.488 +Your Filipino +is the same as your Chinese! + +00:45:01.032 --> 00:45:02.365 +Now who's being a lacist? + +00:45:03.075 --> 00:45:04.909 +- You're being lacist now. +- I'm not being racist! + +00:45:04.994 --> 00:45:06.661 +Right now we have to +get on this helicopter + +00:45:06.829 --> 00:45:08.913 +and we have to act +like true Americans. + +00:45:09.081 --> 00:45:10.790 +I guess you don't want me +to play black then. + +00:45:11.292 --> 00:45:13.251 +Of course I don't want you +to play black. + +00:45:13.377 --> 00:45:15.086 +Okay. Just throwing it +out there. + +00:45:15.212 --> 00:45:16.755 +Okay. Don't. + +00:45:18.007 --> 00:45:19.090 +Okay, don't do that. + +00:45:19.216 --> 00:45:21.092 +- I see what you're doing. +- That's how they walk. + +00:45:21.177 --> 00:45:22.135 +I see what you're doing, +it's not cool. + +00:45:22.261 --> 00:45:23.261 +It's how they walk. + +00:45:36.942 --> 00:45:39.069 +I love being +an Americans! + +00:45:39.570 --> 00:45:41.654 +America is number one! + +00:45:42.448 --> 00:45:44.449 +Oh, I am from U.S.A.! + +00:45:44.533 --> 00:45:46.910 +My father also +from U.S.A. + +00:45:47.536 --> 00:45:51.373 +My great-grandfather fought +in the American Civil Jihad. + +00:45:52.458 --> 00:45:54.709 +I am very proud +to be an American. + +00:45:54.794 --> 00:45:57.420 +I am America's +number one douche. + +00:46:00.841 --> 00:46:02.759 +I've fooled them. Job done. + +00:46:03.552 --> 00:46:06.388 +So, how are things back at the Palace? + +00:46:06.889 --> 00:46:10.600 +Fine, but guess +who's still living in my guest house? + +00:46:11.644 --> 00:46:12.644 +Ooh, Bin Laden? + +00:46:14.063 --> 00:46:15.355 +Yes, Osama. + +00:46:15.439 --> 00:46:18.066 +Bin Laden flooding the bathroom +every time he showers... + +00:46:18.150 --> 00:46:22.028 +And how hard is it to put a bath mat +down, Bin Laden? + +00:46:24.031 --> 00:46:27.033 +Hey, do you remember +my favorite sports car? + +00:46:27.118 --> 00:46:28.660 +You mean your Porsche? + +00:46:28.744 --> 00:46:30.245 +Yes... the 911. + +00:46:30.329 --> 00:46:32.747 +911, it's the best! + +00:46:33.374 --> 00:46:37.335 +So I was driving my 911 near the +palace one day... + +00:46:37.420 --> 00:46:39.629 +and I totally crashed! + +00:46:43.759 --> 00:46:46.010 +It's ok, I've already ordered a new one. + +00:46:46.095 --> 00:46:49.013 +A brand new 9112012. + +00:46:51.475 --> 00:46:54.352 +You know, while you are here, you +should try to see some of the sights... + +00:46:54.437 --> 00:46:57.564 +such as the Empire State Building... + +00:46:57.648 --> 00:47:00.525 +and Yankee Stadium. + +00:47:00.609 --> 00:47:05.196 +And I'd love to see the fireworks +over the Statue of Liberty. + +00:47:10.161 --> 00:47:12.370 +Hey, have your old back problems been +bothering you? + +00:47:12.455 --> 00:47:16.166 +Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that +I made myself a back brace. + +00:47:16.250 --> 00:47:20.795 +- Really? +- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it. + +00:47:22.465 --> 00:47:24.841 +Hey, my English is getting good... + +00:47:24.925 --> 00:47:28.553 +...I bet I can count down from five +faster than you can! + +00:47:28.888 --> 00:47:30.805 +Five, four, +three, two, one! + +00:47:36.687 --> 00:47:38.521 +Allison! Are you okay? + +00:47:38.606 --> 00:47:40.064 +I... Yes. + +00:47:40.149 --> 00:47:42.775 +You know what? +You people, you make me sick! + +00:47:42.860 --> 00:47:45.320 +You see a Middle Easterner +on an aircraft + +00:47:45.404 --> 00:47:48.448 +and you just assume +that he's hatching some violent plot? + +00:47:48.532 --> 00:47:53.077 +Allison Burgers is a persecuted +dissident, not a murderous madman! + +00:47:53.162 --> 00:47:55.997 +He was reported saying, "Let's take out +the guards at the Lancaster." + +00:47:56.081 --> 00:47:58.541 +Guess what? +We deliver to the Lancaster! + +00:47:58.626 --> 00:47:59.626 +Good one! + +00:47:59.710 --> 00:48:02.795 +Maybe he wanted to +take the guards out for a falafel! + +00:48:02.880 --> 00:48:04.130 +That's a bit +of a stereotype, + +00:48:04.215 --> 00:48:07.342 +but I get the idea. +Great idea! Yeah. You... + +00:48:07.426 --> 00:48:10.428 +You know what? +Is it a crime to care about your job? + +00:48:10.513 --> 00:48:11.679 +Yeah! Well, +it is in Wadiya. + +00:48:12.306 --> 00:48:15.266 +Where did you get your diversity +and sensitivity training, huh? + +00:48:15.351 --> 00:48:16.559 +The Stasi? + +00:48:16.644 --> 00:48:20.647 +Let's see how you feel about racial +profiling when white people... + +00:48:33.244 --> 00:48:34.786 +And I know +what I'm talking about + +00:48:34.870 --> 00:48:37.413 +because I majored +in Fem Lit! + +00:48:38.249 --> 00:48:39.457 +Come on. + +00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:42.794 +Hey! What are you doing? +Where are you going? + +00:48:42.878 --> 00:48:43.878 +Don't worry! + +00:48:43.963 --> 00:48:46.047 +Just suck the fatoot +of the biggest guy, you'll be fine. + +00:48:46.131 --> 00:48:47.131 +You're really +fucking me here, man! + +00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:51.469 +The police here +are such fascists! + +00:48:51.554 --> 00:48:52.679 +Yeah, right, +and not in a good way. + +00:48:52.763 --> 00:48:54.389 +It just makes me so mad! + +00:48:54.473 --> 00:48:57.225 +You know, Zoey, +you were great back there. + +00:48:57.309 --> 00:48:58.935 +Thanks. I just... + +00:48:59.562 --> 00:49:01.104 +I don't know, +I just feel so sorry + +00:49:01.188 --> 00:49:02.564 +that wherever +you go in the world, + +00:49:02.648 --> 00:49:04.315 +you're the victim +of police abuse. + +00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:05.483 +Well, not always the victim. + +00:49:05.651 --> 00:49:09.946 +Come here. +I'm just so sorry! You're okay now. + +00:49:10.197 --> 00:49:11.281 +All right? + +00:49:11.365 --> 00:49:13.741 +And I'm not gonna +let anything bad happen to you. + +00:49:13.826 --> 00:49:15.535 +You know what? Let's get you +back to the collective, okay? + +00:49:16.328 --> 00:49:17.287 +Come on. + +00:49:17.371 --> 00:49:18.371 +No, a bit more. + +00:49:18.998 --> 00:49:20.290 +Okay. + +00:49:20.958 --> 00:49:22.959 +- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work. +- I feel so sad! + +00:49:24.628 --> 00:49:25.712 +Let's do another hug, okay? + +00:49:25.838 --> 00:49:27.505 +Allison, why are you sad? + +00:49:28.674 --> 00:49:30.008 +The brutality? + +00:49:30.301 --> 00:49:32.093 +Did you suffer +from sexual abuse? + +00:49:32.177 --> 00:49:35.305 +Yes, they raped me in +a very unprofessional way. + +00:49:36.682 --> 00:49:38.641 +Oh, no. +We have to get you to the Rape Center. + +00:49:38.726 --> 00:49:40.560 +You have a center +for rape here? + +00:49:40.644 --> 00:49:42.895 +Great! I'd love to go! +Maybe another time, you know. + +00:49:42.980 --> 00:49:46.274 +Hire a limo, have some +cocktails, bring my raping shoes. + +00:49:54.950 --> 00:49:56.326 +Can you get me that one? + +00:49:57.536 --> 00:49:58.536 +Which one? + +00:49:59.121 --> 00:50:00.788 +The one with +the "fuck-me hooves." + +00:50:01.582 --> 00:50:03.833 +You're bizzare. I'm going to have +to change the channels now. + +00:50:04.293 --> 00:50:07.086 +...tour from hell +for an Ohio couple earlier today when, + +00:50:07.254 --> 00:50:08.463 +...with shades of 9l11, + +00:50:08.547 --> 00:50:11.591 +their helicopter tour +of the Manhattan skyline was cut short + +00:50:11.675 --> 00:50:15.803 +by what police are now +calling a "terrorism misunderstanding" + +00:50:15.888 --> 00:50:19.724 +involving a man named +Emer Gencyexitonly. + +00:50:20.517 --> 00:50:21.517 +Etra. + +00:50:23.228 --> 00:50:24.395 +We have a problem. + +00:50:29.401 --> 00:50:31.819 +Hannah, that guy from the +Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning, + +00:50:31.904 --> 00:50:33.696 +so why don't you take +the mafroom downstairs + +00:50:33.781 --> 00:50:35.782 +and make some sort of +a nice display? + +00:50:35.908 --> 00:50:38.451 +I just want everything +to be perfect. + +00:50:39.078 --> 00:50:40.161 +Zoey? + +00:50:40.245 --> 00:50:41.412 +Allison. Hi. + +00:50:41.580 --> 00:50:44.165 +To thank you for what you did +today at the police station, + +00:50:44.249 --> 00:50:46.501 +I have decided to +bestow upon you a gift. + +00:50:46.877 --> 00:50:49.212 +- That's sweet. What is it? +- Yeah. + +00:50:56.595 --> 00:50:59.263 +I don't know +what that is. + +00:50:59.431 --> 00:51:02.141 +It's fine. +Please, gobble up my little mouse. + +00:51:02.935 --> 00:51:04.185 +Snack on my +tiny raisin. + +00:51:04.436 --> 00:51:05.895 +Give her +a mouth bath. Go. + +00:51:07.940 --> 00:51:09.899 +Oh! No! + +00:51:10.943 --> 00:51:13.444 +No, I am not +going to do that. + +00:51:13.779 --> 00:51:15.988 +I'm getting a lot of this +and not much of this... + +00:51:19.618 --> 00:51:21.828 +Listen, I understand +that you're having urges, okay? + +00:51:21.912 --> 00:51:22.954 +Right. + +00:51:23.038 --> 00:51:25.623 +But you need to +take care of them by yourself. + +00:51:25.916 --> 00:51:27.750 +Myself? What? How? + +00:51:27.960 --> 00:51:29.544 +You need to +touch yourself. + +00:51:29.711 --> 00:51:32.380 +I don't touch myself. +Do you touch yourself? + +00:51:32.756 --> 00:51:35.007 +I think most +healthy people do, yes. + +00:51:35.092 --> 00:51:38.428 +Yeah, you touch your own +malawach? Disgusting! Yuck! + +00:51:38.512 --> 00:51:39.595 +Yuck! + +00:51:39.847 --> 00:51:43.266 +Stop joking, all right? +You've never jerked off? + +00:51:45.269 --> 00:51:46.853 +Okay, come with me. + +00:51:46.937 --> 00:51:48.938 +Where are you taking me to? +The Rape Center? + +00:51:52.985 --> 00:51:54.485 +This is silly. + +00:51:54.820 --> 00:51:56.154 +Okay... + +00:51:56.655 --> 00:51:59.574 +Take your penis out +and put it in your hands. + +00:51:59.658 --> 00:52:00.700 +This is silly. + +00:52:02.661 --> 00:52:06.622 +Now, slowly move your hand +up and down. + +00:52:06.707 --> 00:52:07.790 +Okay. + +00:52:08.625 --> 00:52:10.793 +I told you already, +this is... + +00:52:14.131 --> 00:52:15.298 +Wait. + +00:52:15.757 --> 00:52:17.550 +What sorcery is this? + +00:52:17.634 --> 00:52:20.678 +Some people +wait a lifetime + +00:52:20.762 --> 00:52:25.475 +For a moment like this + +00:52:25.559 --> 00:52:28.811 +Some people +wait a lifetime + +00:52:28.896 --> 00:52:31.814 +For a moment like this + +00:52:31.899 --> 00:52:37.236 +Whoa, I can't believe +it's happening to me + +00:52:37.321 --> 00:52:40.239 +Some people +wait a lifetime + +00:52:40.324 --> 00:52:45.828 +For a moment like this + +00:52:50.459 --> 00:52:54.795 +I can't believe +it's happening to me + +00:52:56.256 --> 00:52:59.050 +I did it! +I just jerked it completely off! + +00:52:59.134 --> 00:53:00.593 +I did it all by myself! + +00:53:00.677 --> 00:53:03.012 +With this hand right here! + +00:53:03.096 --> 00:53:06.307 +I grabbed my bilbul +like I was strangling a bird. + +00:53:06.391 --> 00:53:08.559 +And I smacked it +and I smacked it and I gave it a flick, + +00:53:08.644 --> 00:53:09.977 +and out came +my own labeneh! + +00:53:10.229 --> 00:53:11.229 +Zoey? + +00:53:11.396 --> 00:53:14.982 +Zoey! You have +changed my life! + +00:53:15.526 --> 00:53:19.570 +Give a man a vagina +and he will shpichs for a day. + +00:53:19.905 --> 00:53:23.366 +Teach a man to use +his hand as a vagina, + +00:53:23.575 --> 00:53:25.409 +and he will shpichs +for a lifetime. + +00:53:25.869 --> 00:53:27.995 +Oh. No, no. Thank you. + +00:53:29.039 --> 00:53:31.415 +Allison, you may need to keep +your voice down because... + +00:53:31.959 --> 00:53:34.460 +We've got a lot of customers. +You may want to go wash up. + +00:53:34.545 --> 00:53:35.586 +Fine. + +00:53:35.671 --> 00:53:38.339 +Joteph, go and hose down +my Crocs. + +00:53:38.757 --> 00:53:41.842 +I've done my labeneh +all over the wellness center. + +00:53:46.223 --> 00:53:47.515 +Okay. + +00:53:50.269 --> 00:53:52.895 +The guy from the Lancaster +is going to love this. + +00:53:53.730 --> 00:53:54.730 +Okay. + +00:53:55.065 --> 00:53:56.274 +Good night, Allison. + +00:53:56.567 --> 00:53:58.150 +I'll see you +tomorrow morning. + +00:53:58.360 --> 00:54:00.903 +Good night! Thank you again. + +00:54:05.242 --> 00:54:07.618 +This is nice. Or lovely. + +00:54:12.833 --> 00:54:14.292 +- Who is it? +- Nadal. + +00:54:14.376 --> 00:54:15.418 +What are you doing? + +00:54:15.502 --> 00:54:17.128 +I've discovered +this amazing thing. + +00:54:17.254 --> 00:54:19.046 +I have to show you +how to do it. + +00:54:19.798 --> 00:54:20.965 +It's called self juicing. + +00:54:21.049 --> 00:54:24.051 +You put your hand +on your bilbul and you rub it, + +00:54:24.136 --> 00:54:26.387 +and then you can make +your own labeneh come out. + +00:54:26.471 --> 00:54:27.847 +You don't have to +spend any Rolexes. + +00:54:27.973 --> 00:54:29.765 +You don't have to give +any dirty diamonds. + +00:54:29.850 --> 00:54:32.685 +I cannot believe I'm having this +conversation with an adult man. + +00:54:32.769 --> 00:54:34.353 +What do you mean? +You knew about this? + +00:54:34.479 --> 00:54:35.813 +Everybody knows about this. + +00:54:36.481 --> 00:54:39.817 +We all know about this +from the age of 12, 13. + +00:54:39.985 --> 00:54:41.986 +Why does nobody +ever tell me anything? + +00:54:42.154 --> 00:54:44.947 +Because you have everybody executed +who tells you anything. + +00:54:45.240 --> 00:54:47.658 +Listen, I'm thinking of +revealing my true identity + +00:54:47.868 --> 00:54:49.660 +to the hairy titted ape woman. + +00:54:49.745 --> 00:54:51.954 +Whoa! No, what? +Why would you even do that? + +00:54:52.039 --> 00:54:53.581 +I think she'll be +cool with it. + +00:54:53.832 --> 00:54:55.291 +She will not be cool with it. + +00:54:55.417 --> 00:54:58.461 +How is she tojudge? +She shaves her armpits once a year, + +00:54:58.545 --> 00:55:01.172 +and she takes lovers +outside of her ethnic group. + +00:55:01.381 --> 00:55:03.257 +Are my crimes any worse +than hers? + +00:55:03.508 --> 00:55:05.509 +Remember, you hate her. + +00:55:05.761 --> 00:55:07.219 +And everything +she stands for. + +00:55:07.638 --> 00:55:09.597 +- Okay. +- I have to go now. + +00:55:10.932 --> 00:55:11.932 +I despise you. + +00:55:12.142 --> 00:55:14.185 +You know, sometimes you say +some very hurtful things. + +00:55:14.353 --> 00:55:15.853 +Anyway, I'm going to +hang up on you. + +00:55:15.979 --> 00:55:18.856 +No, come on. This is +like a real opportunity for me. + +00:55:18.940 --> 00:55:20.024 +I want to hang up first. + +00:55:20.108 --> 00:55:21.817 +I've hung up. +I hung up already. + +00:55:23.528 --> 00:55:25.780 +That is your voice +doing that noise. You have not hung up. + +00:55:25.864 --> 00:55:27.531 +I am hanging up. Click... + +00:55:28.742 --> 00:55:29.950 +Nadal, are you still there? + +00:55:31.453 --> 00:55:33.704 +- Nadal, are you still there? +- I win. + +00:55:34.581 --> 00:55:36.165 +No wonder you're a Mac Genius. + +00:55:37.042 --> 00:55:38.501 +What a fucking idiot. + +00:55:45.258 --> 00:55:53.307 +Zoey! + +00:55:56.728 --> 00:55:57.895 +Zoey. + +00:56:09.241 --> 00:56:10.241 +Zoey? + +00:56:12.953 --> 00:56:13.953 +Etra. + +00:56:15.747 --> 00:56:16.747 +Etra... + +00:56:43.316 --> 00:56:45.776 +Etra, is this because +you're the only virgin guard + +00:56:45.861 --> 00:56:47.027 +that I left a virgin? + +00:58:16.243 --> 00:58:18.828 +One, two... + +00:58:20.914 --> 00:58:21.997 +Bloop. + +00:58:23.583 --> 00:58:24.750 +Text book. + +00:58:26.461 --> 00:58:29.296 +Thank you so much +for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden. + +00:58:29.631 --> 00:58:31.382 +I cannot wait for you +to sample our mafroom. + +00:58:31.550 --> 00:58:33.342 +You are gonna swear +that you're in Wadiya. + +00:58:34.344 --> 00:58:36.262 +Excuse me. +What is that over there? + +00:58:36.555 --> 00:58:38.514 +That is a "C" +in your window. + +00:58:38.723 --> 00:58:40.850 +No, no, no... They're totally +biased against this. They hate us. + +00:58:40.934 --> 00:58:42.685 +No, it's not. +I know what a "C" means. + +00:58:42.769 --> 00:58:43.978 +It's not a very good... + +00:58:48.400 --> 00:58:49.567 +Oh, my God! + +00:58:50.735 --> 00:58:52.194 +Allison, what happened? + +00:58:54.906 --> 00:58:56.490 +I don't know, I... + +00:58:56.783 --> 00:58:59.243 +I was downstairs +self juicing. + +00:59:01.037 --> 00:59:02.037 +All night? + +00:59:02.330 --> 00:59:03.330 +Yes. + +00:59:03.498 --> 00:59:04.790 +I'm sorry, +you were doing what? + +00:59:05.250 --> 00:59:06.417 +Doing the jerk off. + +00:59:06.793 --> 00:59:08.544 +Jerking myself to totally off. + +00:59:08.628 --> 00:59:10.170 +- I'm sorry? +- Let me show you. + +00:59:10.380 --> 00:59:11.589 +- No. +- She taught me. + +00:59:11.756 --> 00:59:12.840 +Oh, she taught you, did she? + +00:59:12.924 --> 00:59:15.342 +- No... +- Well, thank you very much. + +00:59:15.510 --> 00:59:16.677 +The contract is canceled. + +00:59:16.761 --> 00:59:17.761 +- That's it! +- No. + +00:59:17.846 --> 00:59:19.263 +No, I'm going to Green World. +It's over. + +00:59:19.431 --> 00:59:20.848 +- No, Mr. Ogden. +- Remember, I have to pay that... + +00:59:20.932 --> 00:59:23.893 +- Please, no, no. +- Self juicing. Filth! + +00:59:24.936 --> 00:59:26.020 +Oh, my God... + +00:59:26.438 --> 00:59:27.521 +Zoey... + +00:59:27.772 --> 00:59:29.315 +We must get +that contract back. + +00:59:29.608 --> 00:59:30.774 +We can't! + +00:59:30.984 --> 00:59:33.903 +It's impossible. +We can't compete with Green World. + +00:59:34.613 --> 00:59:36.447 +We will see about that. + +00:59:36.531 --> 00:59:39.658 +But from now on, +it is my way + +00:59:39.743 --> 00:59:44.413 +or the highwahahtmaa- +fferrohshelechnichway. + +00:59:45.040 --> 00:59:47.458 +There has been +a regime change! + +00:59:47.542 --> 00:59:49.877 +Yo! You are +stocking the shelves. + +00:59:50.295 --> 00:59:52.713 +You, senile +Romanian accountant. + +00:59:52.797 --> 00:59:54.465 +You are on +the cash register. + +00:59:54.633 --> 00:59:58.552 +The CEO of Green World +does not drive a hybrid! + +01:00:00.805 --> 01:00:02.973 +The chemicals +in Green World produce + +01:00:03.224 --> 01:00:05.392 +made this boy +grow tits! + +01:00:11.066 --> 01:00:13.233 +You promise not +to steal again? + +01:00:13.318 --> 01:00:14.985 +I won't. I won't! + +01:00:15.236 --> 01:00:16.946 +Give him one more +for fun, Viktor. + +01:00:36.967 --> 01:00:38.384 +Good choice. + +01:00:53.108 --> 01:00:54.775 +Hi, Viktor. + +01:01:10.792 --> 01:01:12.376 +Supreme Grocer. + +01:01:12.460 --> 01:01:14.211 +The radicchio +has been washed and sorted, + +01:01:14.295 --> 01:01:16.046 +and the spray hose +has been tightly coiled. + +01:01:16.131 --> 01:01:17.798 +Very good. Now go upstairs + +01:01:17.882 --> 01:01:20.134 +and finish composting +the wheatgrass tailings, okay? + +01:01:20.218 --> 01:01:21.468 +Yes, Supreme Grocer. + +01:01:23.471 --> 01:01:24.805 +Zoey! + +01:01:24.889 --> 01:01:27.141 +What? Look... + +01:01:27.767 --> 01:01:28.809 +Wow! + +01:01:29.436 --> 01:01:30.894 +It's amazing! + +01:01:30.979 --> 01:01:33.731 +Oh, it's not amazing. +It's just a little less shit. + +01:01:34.024 --> 01:01:35.816 +Well, thank you. + +01:01:37.027 --> 01:01:38.777 +- Sorry. +- Oh, of course. + +01:01:38.862 --> 01:01:41.739 +- Personal. +- Thank you. Thank you again. + +01:01:43.908 --> 01:01:45.826 +- Hello? +- I have some very good news. + +01:01:45.910 --> 01:01:46.952 +What is it? + +01:01:47.037 --> 01:01:50.664 +I managed to buy some beards at the +wig store today that are perfect. + +01:01:50.749 --> 01:01:52.958 +No, Nadal, +it must be real hair. + +01:01:53.043 --> 01:01:55.085 +- And from the head of a great man! +- What? + +01:01:55.170 --> 01:01:56.837 +Like Castro or Gandalf. + +01:01:56.921 --> 01:01:58.172 +No... + +01:02:01.009 --> 01:02:03.677 +Well done, Nadal. +This beard is perfect. + +01:02:08.850 --> 01:02:10.934 +Those are lovely flowers. + +01:02:11.019 --> 01:02:12.936 +You know, Zoey is +thinking of opening + +01:02:13.021 --> 01:02:15.355 +an eco-friendly +flower section to the store. + +01:02:15.440 --> 01:02:18.734 +This is the fifth time you've mentioned +her today. What is going on? + +01:02:18.818 --> 01:02:20.486 +The signing +is in two days. + +01:02:20.570 --> 01:02:22.404 +Tell me you're not +falling for this woman! + +01:02:22.864 --> 01:02:25.532 +Of course I'm not. +This is silly. + +01:02:25.867 --> 01:02:28.869 +Okay, good. All we need to do +is slip into this chapel... + +01:02:28.953 --> 01:02:30.120 +And yet, it's strange. + +01:02:30.205 --> 01:02:32.122 +The other day, +I asked her to, you know, + +01:02:32.207 --> 01:02:34.875 +gobble on my bilbul +and she said, "No." + +01:02:34.959 --> 01:02:36.960 +So obviously +I wanted to execute her. + +01:02:37.045 --> 01:02:40.297 +But the thought of +her decapitated head actually upset me, + +01:02:40.381 --> 01:02:42.132 +- so I decided not to do it. +- No. + +01:02:42.217 --> 01:02:45.552 +When the thought of someone's +decapitated head upsets you, + +01:02:45.637 --> 01:02:47.387 +that is love. + +01:02:47.639 --> 01:02:50.641 +- I swear, I don't even like her at all. +- You don't like her? + +01:02:50.809 --> 01:02:53.560 +She has the body shape +of a 14-year-old boy. + +01:02:53.895 --> 01:02:57.648 +Well, that is +a particular weakness of yours. + +01:02:57.732 --> 01:02:59.650 +Need I remind you of +the Menudo incident? + +01:02:59.859 --> 01:03:01.610 +Those boys had +their eyes open. + +01:03:01.694 --> 01:03:02.986 +They knew exactly +what they were doing. + +01:03:03.071 --> 01:03:04.571 +We made them +have their eyes open. + +01:03:04.656 --> 01:03:06.824 +You made me hold +one of their eyes open, + +01:03:06.908 --> 01:03:08.534 +so they'd see what +you were doing to them. + +01:03:09.119 --> 01:03:11.161 +They seemed to be having +a pretty good time. + +01:03:11.246 --> 01:03:13.705 +They were not. +Those boys were crying. + +01:03:13.998 --> 01:03:15.249 +Three of them +killed themselves! + +01:03:16.251 --> 01:03:17.376 +Nothing to do with me. + +01:03:17.460 --> 01:03:19.837 +Everything to do with you! +A lot of them wrote notes. + +01:03:19.921 --> 01:03:22.589 +In their suicide notes +they named you by name! + +01:03:22.841 --> 01:03:25.133 +It's all a rumor. +And you're being silly. + +01:03:25.718 --> 01:03:27.052 +Hello, gentlemen. +How you doin'? + +01:03:27.345 --> 01:03:28.846 +Are you guys +friends of the deceased? + +01:03:29.556 --> 01:03:30.931 +How do I put this? + +01:03:31.182 --> 01:03:32.683 +He was my nigger. + +01:03:33.017 --> 01:03:34.476 +No, that's not +the way to put it. + +01:03:34.602 --> 01:03:36.228 +- Whoa, whoa! +- No? + +01:03:36.479 --> 01:03:37.771 +He was my negger. +Nigger. Nagger? + +01:03:37.981 --> 01:03:39.189 +- No, no, no. - What is that? -00:21:15.608 --> 00:21:17.819 -A Texan. +01:03:39.274 --> 01:03:40.566 +- Negar. Nigger? Nagur? +- No, no. -00:21:17.986 --> 00:21:20.029 -Quincey P. Morris. +01:03:40.650 --> 01:03:41.817 +Please stop. Please. -00:21:20.196 --> 00:21:22.949 -He's so young and fresh, +01:03:41.901 --> 01:03:42.943 +I told you, +before we came in. -00:21:23.116 --> 00:21:25.326 -like a wild stallion -between my legs. +01:03:43.027 --> 01:03:45.529 +One word, do not say. +Is the exact word you're using now. -00:21:25.493 --> 00:21:27.453 -You're positively indecent. +01:03:45.613 --> 01:03:46.989 +- No, I said Nuga... +- One dozen times. -00:21:27.620 --> 00:21:30.081 -I just know what men desire. +01:03:47.198 --> 01:03:50.117 +Please relate to him that there could be +two funerals today. -00:21:30.248 --> 00:21:32.583 -Watch. -Lucy. +01:03:50.243 --> 01:03:52.202 +I... Believe me +when I tell you, -00:21:32.750 --> 00:21:34.627 -Quincey, darling. -Miss Lucy. +01:03:52.328 --> 01:03:55.622 +we are here only +to pay our respects to a great man. -00:21:35.712 --> 00:21:37.630 -Why, you're as fresh -as the spring rain. +01:03:55.874 --> 01:03:58.041 +Okay, Eldridge's casket +is laying in the chapel right now. -00:21:37.797 --> 00:21:39.716 -Oh, thank you. +01:03:58.334 --> 01:03:59.877 +We're gonna have the +viewing in a few minutes. -00:21:40.758 --> 00:21:42.927 -Oh, Quincy. +01:04:00.211 --> 01:04:01.378 +Thank you very much. -00:21:43.678 --> 00:21:46.222 -Please let me -touch it. +01:04:03.006 --> 01:04:04.381 +I love your music, +by the way. -00:21:47.223 --> 00:21:50.268 -It's so big. +01:04:04.549 --> 01:04:05.924 +No, it's not. +He's not a musician. -00:21:53.396 --> 00:21:54.814 -Little girl. +01:04:06.050 --> 01:04:09.928 +I'm so, so sorry that +Whitney turned out like she did. -00:21:54.981 --> 00:21:58.151 -Oh, my dear, -sweet little girl. +01:04:10.054 --> 01:04:11.305 +- It's not Bobby Brown. +- Hey... -00:21:58.318 --> 00:22:00.403 -I hold your hand, +01:04:15.977 --> 01:04:18.228 +- Go there. +- Okay. Here we go. -00:22:00.570 --> 00:22:02.822 -and you've kissed me. -Jack! +01:04:27.864 --> 01:04:28.947 +Hello? +Somebody in here? -00:22:04.198 --> 00:22:07.702 -Oceans of love-- -Oh, Jack, my darling. +01:04:29.032 --> 01:04:31.158 +Nadal! +The Sub-Saharans have discovered us! -00:22:07.869 --> 00:22:09.495 -Oh, poor little baby. +01:04:31.242 --> 01:04:32.826 +- What? Okay, okay, okay! +- Hurry, hurry! -00:22:09.662 --> 00:22:11.539 -My kitten, -come over here. +01:04:32.911 --> 01:04:34.411 +- Just a moment! +- What you doin' in there? -00:22:11.706 --> 00:22:13.875 -Come over here -and I'll kiss it better. +01:04:34.913 --> 01:04:36.538 +Jerking off. -00:22:14.042 --> 00:22:16.252 -My poor little blossom. +01:04:37.123 --> 01:04:38.123 +Open this door! -00:22:16.419 --> 00:22:19.505 -My poor little doctor. -Brilliant doctor. +01:04:38.583 --> 01:04:40.500 +- No, no, no! +- Open the door now! -00:22:19.672 --> 00:22:21.507 -Hello, Quincey. -Jack. +01:04:40.752 --> 01:04:43.086 +Quick! Plan B! Plan B! -00:22:21.674 --> 00:22:23.926 -What a naughty bear. -Let me feel your-- +01:04:52.680 --> 01:04:53.764 +Why did you +chop off his head? -00:22:24.093 --> 00:22:27.263 -Arthur Holmwood, Esquire. -Arthur! +01:04:53.848 --> 01:04:54.932 +You said Plan B! -00:22:28.014 --> 00:22:30.391 -Oh, my darling. +01:04:55.016 --> 01:04:56.808 +Plan B was to have +coffee and regroup, -00:22:30.558 --> 00:22:32.977 -Oh, you look wonderful. +01:04:56.893 --> 01:04:59.227 +it was not to +chop his head off! -00:22:33.144 --> 00:22:35.938 -I'm so sorry -about your hat. +01:05:07.278 --> 01:05:09.071 +Good morning, Nadal! -00:22:36.105 --> 00:22:37.940 -Absolutely Charming. -It's my snake dress. +01:05:09.948 --> 01:05:12.282 +Wake up! +Good morning, Nadal! -00:22:38.107 --> 00:22:39.400 -Is it really? +01:05:14.827 --> 01:05:16.411 +No, no, no, no, no, no! -00:22:39.567 --> 00:22:42.278 -Lucy is a pure -and virtuous girl, +01:05:16.579 --> 01:05:17.621 +Get this away from me! -00:22:42.445 --> 00:22:46.449 -but I admit that her free way -of speaking shocks me sometimes. +01:05:17.705 --> 01:05:18.956 +You know, me and you +are quite a team. -00:22:46.616 --> 00:22:49.619 -Jonathan says it is a defect -of the aristocracy +01:05:19.040 --> 01:05:20.040 +No, no. -00:22:49.786 --> 00:22:51.996 -that they say what they please. +01:05:20.124 --> 01:05:21.541 +You know who else +makes a great team? -00:22:52.163 --> 00:22:57.293 -The truth is that I admire Lucy, and I'm -not surprised that men flock around her. +01:05:21.626 --> 01:05:24.086 +Ebony and ivory -00:22:57.460 --> 00:23:00.338 -I wish I were as pretty -and as adored as she. +01:05:24.170 --> 01:05:25.587 +No, no, no! -00:23:18.439 --> 00:23:21.150 -What manner of man is this? +01:05:25.713 --> 01:05:27.047 +Live together +in perfect harmony -00:23:21.317 --> 00:23:23.778 -R.M. Renfield, -successful solicitor +01:05:27.131 --> 01:05:28.131 +What is wrong with you? +Get it out of here! -00:23:23.945 --> 00:23:26.364 -in the firm of Hawkins -and Thompkins, +01:05:29.175 --> 01:05:30.175 +Good one. -00:23:26.531 --> 00:23:29.742 -respected member of -the Lord Nugent's Windem Club, +01:05:34.639 --> 01:05:36.598 +Splish splash +I was taking a bath! -00:23:29.909 --> 00:23:34.288 -returns from business -abroad in Transylvania, +01:05:37.558 --> 01:05:39.142 +No! Get it out of here! -00:23:34.455 --> 00:23:37.417 -promptly suffers -a complete mental breakdown. +01:05:40.311 --> 01:05:41.979 +Oh, that is weird. -00:23:37.583 --> 00:23:40.837 -He's now obsessed -with some blood lust. +01:05:43.481 --> 01:05:48.318 +I threw in some carob-covered goji +berries, just as a treat. Enjoy. -00:23:44.924 --> 00:23:46.509 -George. +01:05:48.820 --> 01:05:53.073 +Thank you. That's very kind of +you. You're a very nice man. -00:23:48.845 --> 00:23:50.805 -Wait here. +01:05:53.658 --> 01:05:55.659 +What the fuck +did you call me? -00:23:58.020 --> 00:24:01.065 -Would you care for -an hors cf oeuvre, Dr. Seward, +01:05:56.661 --> 01:05:58.495 +I said you were nice! -00:24:01.232 --> 00:24:03.901 -or a canapé? +01:06:03.501 --> 01:06:07.421 +Allison! The Lancaster just +called! We got the contract back! -00:24:04.068 --> 00:24:07.613 -No, thank you, Mr. Renfield. -How are you feeling tonight? +01:06:07.505 --> 01:06:09.589 +- Great! Whatever! +- I know! -00:24:08.865 --> 00:24:11.367 -Far better than you, -my lovesick doctor. +01:06:09.674 --> 01:06:12.009 +Green World is shutting down +their Manhattan store! -00:24:11.534 --> 00:24:13.369 -Is my personal life -of interest to you? +01:06:12.343 --> 01:06:14.219 +I wonder what +could have happened? -00:24:13.536 --> 00:24:17.415 -Of course it is. -All life interests me. +01:06:16.180 --> 01:06:18.265 +Be careful with that, +sweetheart. Be careful. -00:24:17.582 --> 00:24:20.460 -Your diet, Mr. Renfield, -is disgusting. +01:06:18.599 --> 01:06:21.351 +Oh, yeah, we're going to +have a nice big salad. -00:24:20.626 --> 00:24:24.046 -Actually, -they're perfectly nutritious. +01:06:22.186 --> 01:06:23.895 +Celebratory cuddle? -00:24:24.213 --> 00:24:27.008 -You see, -each life that I ingest +01:06:25.523 --> 01:06:26.606 +Well done! -00:24:27.175 --> 00:24:29.385 -gives back life to me. - -00:24:33.014 --> 00:24:35.850 -A fly gives you life? - -00:24:36.017 --> 00:24:37.727 -Certainly. - -00:24:37.894 --> 00:24:41.898 -But you might as well ask a man to eat -molecules with a pair of chopsticks - -00:24:42.064 --> 00:24:44.817 -than to interest me -in a lesser carnivore. - -00:24:44.984 --> 00:24:48.529 -I shall have to invent a new -classification of lunatic for you. - -00:24:49.655 --> 00:24:53.910 -What about spiders? -Spiders eat the flies. - -00:24:55.495 --> 00:24:57.580 -Yes, spiders eat them. - -00:24:57.747 --> 00:25:00.082 -What about sparrows? - -00:25:00.249 --> 00:25:03.586 -Oh, yes. -Did you say sparrows? - -00:25:03.753 --> 00:25:07.924 -Something larger, perhaps? -Oh, yes. - -00:25:09.258 --> 00:25:11.385 -A kitten. - -00:25:11.552 --> 00:25:13.095 -I beg you. - -00:25:13.262 --> 00:25:16.224 -A little, sleek-- -A playful kitten. - -00:25:16.390 --> 00:25:19.685 -Something I can teach. -Something I can feed. - -00:25:19.852 --> 00:25:21.687 -No one would -refuse me a kitten. - -00:25:21.854 --> 00:25:24.148 -Wouldn't you prefer a cat? - -00:25:26.317 --> 00:25:27.944 -Oh, yes. - -00:25:28.110 --> 00:25:30.154 -A big cat. - -00:25:30.321 --> 00:25:33.282 -My salvation depends upon it! -Your salvation? - -00:25:33.449 --> 00:25:35.451 -Yes. I need lives. - -00:25:35.618 --> 00:25:38.829 -I need lives for the master. -What master? - -00:25:41.457 --> 00:25:43.960 -The master will come... - -00:25:45.044 --> 00:25:48.130 -and he has promised -to make me immortal. - -00:25:48.297 --> 00:25:49.840 -How? - -00:25:51.425 --> 00:25:53.135 -Get him off me! - -00:25:54.554 --> 00:25:56.847 -The blood is the life! - -00:25:57.932 --> 00:26:00.017 -The blood is the life! - -00:26:01.769 --> 00:26:04.438 -Thirtieth May, Castle Dracula. - -00:26:04.605 --> 00:26:08.901 -I think strange things which -I dare not confess to my own soul. - -00:26:09.068 --> 00:26:10.403 -The count, - -00:26:10.570 --> 00:26:13.990 -the way he looked at Mina's -picture fills me with dread, - -00:26:14.156 --> 00:26:17.034 -as if I have a part to play -in a story that is not known to me. - -00:26:41.934 --> 00:26:43.269 -I didn't hear you come in. - -00:26:46.731 --> 00:26:49.817 -Take care how -you out yourself. - -00:26:49.984 --> 00:26:53.362 -It is more dangerous -than you think. - -00:26:59.702 --> 00:27:04.707 -A foul bauble -of man's vanity. - -00:27:04.874 --> 00:27:07.209 -Perhaps you should - -00:27:07.376 --> 00:27:09.545 -grow a beard. - -00:27:17.053 --> 00:27:19.889 -The letters I requested. - -00:27:20.056 --> 00:27:22.266 -Have you written them? - -00:27:38.824 --> 00:27:40.326 -Good. - -00:27:49.460 --> 00:27:52.838 -Should you leave these rooms, - -00:27:54.256 --> 00:27:56.425 -you will not, by any chance, - -00:27:56.592 --> 00:27:59.887 -go to sleep in any other -part of the castle. - -00:28:01.597 --> 00:28:03.808 -It is old... - -00:28:05.017 --> 00:28:07.937 -and has many bad memories. - -00:28:09.980 --> 00:28:13.609 -Be warned. -I'm sure I understand. - -00:28:22.159 --> 00:28:26.205 -Do not put your faith -in such trinkets of deceit. - -00:28:27.915 --> 00:28:30.668 -We are in Transylvania. - -00:28:32.128 --> 00:28:35.715 -Transylvania is not England. - -00:28:35.881 --> 00:28:39.051 -Our ways are not your ways. - -00:28:39.218 --> 00:28:41.220 -And to you, - -00:28:41.387 --> 00:28:44.640 -there shall be -many strange things. - -00:28:44.807 --> 00:28:48.060 -I've seen many -strange things already. - -00:28:48.227 --> 00:28:51.021 -Bloody wolves chasing me -through some blue inferno! - -00:28:56.861 --> 00:28:59.655 -Listen to them. - -00:29:04.034 --> 00:29:07.037 -The children of the night. - -00:29:08.956 --> 00:29:11.333 -What sweet music -they make. - -00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:14.545 -Music? Those animals? - -00:29:48.537 --> 00:29:52.917 -I did as Dracula instructed. -I wrote three letters. - -00:29:53.083 --> 00:29:56.545 -To the firm, to my family -and to my beloved Mina. - -00:29:56.712 --> 00:29:59.632 -I said nothing of my fears -as he will read them, no doubt. - -00:30:05.012 --> 00:30:07.473 -I know now that I am a prisoner. - -00:31:32.933 --> 00:31:34.643 -Jonathan. - -00:31:35.936 --> 00:31:38.188 -Jonathan, come to me. - -00:31:47.907 --> 00:31:49.658 -Come. - -00:32:08.135 --> 00:32:09.887 -Lay down. - -00:32:11.221 --> 00:32:13.223 -Lay back into my arms. - -00:32:22.858 --> 00:32:25.235 -Lay back, Jonathan. - -00:34:26.231 --> 00:34:30.152 -How dare you touch him! -He belongs to me! - -00:34:30.736 --> 00:34:32.654 -You yourself never loved. - -00:34:35.866 --> 00:34:40.496 -Yes. I too can love. - -00:34:42.664 --> 00:34:46.710 -And I shall love again. - -00:34:55.219 --> 00:34:57.930 -Are we to have nothing tonight? - -00:35:42.141 --> 00:35:44.726 -Dearest Mina, all is well here. - -00:35:44.893 --> 00:35:47.729 -The count has insisted -I remain for a month - -00:35:47.896 --> 00:35:50.107 -to tutor him in English custom. - -00:35:50.274 --> 00:35:53.652 -I can say no more, -except I love you. - -00:35:53.819 --> 00:35:56.488 -Ever faithful, Jonathan. - -00:35:59.908 --> 00:36:03.579 -The letters I have written -have undoubtedly sealed my doom. - -00:36:07.499 --> 00:36:11.253 -The count's gypsies, fearless -warriors who are loyal to the death - -00:36:11.420 --> 00:36:13.630 -to whatever nobleman -they serve... - -00:36:16.466 --> 00:36:20.095 -day and night they toil, -filling boxes with decrepit earth - -00:36:20.262 --> 00:36:23.515 -from the bowels of the castle. - -00:36:24.683 --> 00:36:29.146 -They are to be delivered to his newly -acquired Carfax Abbey in London. - -00:36:31.231 --> 00:36:35.110 -Why do they -fill these boxes with earth? - -00:36:40.282 --> 00:36:42.868 -I love him! I love him! - -00:36:43.327 --> 00:36:45.746 -Oh, Mina! - -00:36:46.038 --> 00:36:48.916 -It's so wonderful. -I've decided. - -00:36:49.082 --> 00:36:51.543 -I love him -and I've said yes. - -00:36:51.710 --> 00:36:55.130 -So finally. Don't tell me. -The Texan with the big knife? - -00:36:55.297 --> 00:36:58.133 -Oh, no. -To my dear number three. - -00:36:58.300 --> 00:37:02.262 -Lord Arthur Holmwood. -Lord and Lady Holmwood. - -00:37:02.429 --> 00:37:05.140 -You are to be my maid -of honor. Oh, say yes. - -00:37:05.307 --> 00:37:09.561 -Mina, what is it? It's the most -exciting day of my life. - -00:37:11.146 --> 00:37:13.148 -You don't seem to care. - -00:37:13.315 --> 00:37:16.401 -It's just that I'm so terribly -worried about Jonathan. - -00:37:16.568 --> 00:37:18.737 -This letter I received is so-- - -00:37:18.904 --> 00:37:22.324 -It's so cold. It's so unnatural. -It's not like him at all. - -00:37:23.367 --> 00:37:24.660 -Oh, Mina, don't worry. - -00:37:52.145 --> 00:37:54.022 -Captain's log: the Demeter. - -00:37:54.189 --> 00:37:57.401 -Twenty-seventh June, 1897. - -00:37:59.361 --> 00:38:02.364 -We picked up 50 boxes -of experimental earth - -00:38:02.531 --> 00:38:04.783 -bound for London, England. - -00:38:04.950 --> 00:38:07.119 -Set sail at noon into a storm - -00:38:07.286 --> 00:38:09.788 -that seemed -to come out of nowhere, - -00:38:09.955 --> 00:38:12.374 -carrying us out to sea. - -00:38:47.451 --> 00:38:51.079 -Third of July. -Second mate has gone missing. - -00:38:51.246 --> 00:38:55.667 -Nearing Gibraltar. -Storm continues. Crew uneasy. - -00:38:56.585 --> 00:38:59.421 -Believe someone or something - -00:38:59.588 --> 00:39:01.923 -is aboard the ship with us. - -00:39:14.936 --> 00:39:17.147 -Master, I am here! - -00:39:18.106 --> 00:39:21.109 -The master of all life -is at hand! - -00:39:21.276 --> 00:39:23.195 -Gather round! - -00:39:23.362 --> 00:39:25.781 -I am here to do -your bidding, master! - -00:39:25.947 --> 00:39:28.283 -I have worshipped you -long and far off! - -00:39:28.450 --> 00:39:31.912 -And now you are near, -master! - -00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:34.664 -I am your slave! - -00:39:34.831 --> 00:39:37.459 -I await your command! - -00:39:37.626 --> 00:39:40.337 -The case of Renfield -grows more interesting. - -00:39:40.504 --> 00:39:44.299 -Yet, there is method in his madness -with his flies and spiders. - -00:39:44.466 --> 00:39:47.636 -Had I the secret of even -one such brilliant mind, - -00:39:47.803 --> 00:39:51.640 -the key to the fancy -of one lunatic... - -00:39:57.979 --> 00:39:59.022 -Lucy. - -00:39:59.606 --> 00:40:01.149 -Lucy. - -00:40:57.539 --> 00:40:59.916 -Lucy? Lucy! - -00:41:00.876 --> 00:41:02.002 -Lucy! - -00:41:08.675 --> 00:41:10.302 -Lucy. - -00:41:43.543 --> 00:41:44.836 -Lucy! - -00:42:01.061 --> 00:42:02.229 -Lucy! - -00:42:39.891 --> 00:42:43.979 -No. Do not see me. - -00:42:56.408 --> 00:42:57.826 -Lucy. - -00:42:59.494 --> 00:43:02.581 -Oh! I couldn't control myself. - -00:43:02.747 --> 00:43:06.543 -Hush, Lucy. You're dreaming. -You're walking in your sleep again. - -00:43:06.710 --> 00:43:10.714 -My soul, it seemed -to leave my body. - -00:43:10.880 --> 00:43:15.552 -There was this agonizing feeling, -and I couldn't get back to it. - -00:43:15.719 --> 00:43:17.137 -I'm absolutely shaking. - -00:43:17.304 --> 00:43:19.180 -It's all right, Lucy. -You were dreaming. - -00:43:19.347 --> 00:43:22.559 -I had to. It sort of -pulled me and lured me. - -00:43:22.726 --> 00:43:25.854 -- I had no control. -- It's all right. - -00:43:26.021 --> 00:43:28.940 -- It had red eyes. -- Hush now. - -00:43:29.107 --> 00:43:31.818 -I still have the taste -of his blood in my mouth. - -00:43:45.749 --> 00:43:48.543 -Here we go. -Swing it round here. - -00:43:50.545 --> 00:43:52.005 -Master. - -00:43:53.340 --> 00:43:56.134 -I am here to do your bidding. - -00:43:57.010 --> 00:44:00.263 -Master! I am here! - -00:44:01.765 --> 00:44:04.059 -I have worshipped you. - -00:44:06.936 --> 00:44:09.773 -Contrary to some -beliefs, the vampire, - -00:44:09.939 --> 00:44:13.902 -like any other night creature, -can move about by day, - -00:44:14.069 --> 00:44:18.406 -though it is not his natural time, -and his powers are weak. - -00:44:35.006 --> 00:44:38.134 -See the amazing -cinematograph! - -00:44:38.301 --> 00:44:41.262 -A wonder of modern civilization! - -00:44:41.429 --> 00:44:43.640 -The latest sensation! - -00:44:43.807 --> 00:44:46.851 -The greatest attraction -of the century! - -00:44:47.018 --> 00:44:49.771 -The new wonder of the world! - -00:44:51.731 --> 00:44:54.818 -See the amazing cinematograph! - -00:45:14.129 --> 00:45:16.047 -See me. - -00:45:17.882 --> 00:45:19.134 -See me now. - -00:45:25.849 --> 00:45:29.102 -Escaped wolf from zoo -still at large! - -00:45:29.269 --> 00:45:31.146 -Buy a paper, sir? - -00:45:33.440 --> 00:45:34.983 -Thank you, sir. - -00:45:37.485 --> 00:45:40.989 -Get your Gazette! -Penny a paper! - -00:45:54.210 --> 00:45:56.755 -My humblest apologies. - -00:45:57.964 --> 00:46:00.842 -Forgive my ignorance. - -00:46:01.009 --> 00:46:04.012 -I am recently arrived -from abroad - -00:46:04.179 --> 00:46:07.182 -and I do not know your city. - -00:46:07.348 --> 00:46:08.683 -Is a beautiful lady--? - -00:46:08.850 --> 00:46:11.186 -You may purchase a street atlas -for sixpence. Good day. - -00:46:13.897 --> 00:46:16.107 -I have offended you. - -00:46:17.650 --> 00:46:19.903 -I am only looking for -the cinematograph. - -00:46:20.069 --> 00:46:23.531 -I understand it is a wonder -of the civilized world. - -00:46:23.698 --> 00:46:27.410 -If you seek culture, -then visit a museum. - -00:46:27.577 --> 00:46:30.497 -London is filled with them. -Excuse me. - -00:46:39.839 --> 00:46:42.467 -A woman so lovely -and intelligent - -00:46:42.634 --> 00:46:46.179 -should not be walking the streets -of London without her gentleman. - -00:46:46.346 --> 00:46:48.556 -Do I know you, sir? - -00:46:49.808 --> 00:46:52.685 -Are you acquainted -with my husband? - -00:46:52.852 --> 00:46:54.729 -Shall I call the police? - -00:46:56.564 --> 00:46:58.733 -Husband? - -00:46:58.900 --> 00:47:01.319 -I shall bother you -no more. - -00:47:05.073 --> 00:47:06.658 -Sir. - -00:47:07.826 --> 00:47:10.411 -It is I who have been rude. - -00:47:10.578 --> 00:47:13.331 -If You're looking“ Please. - -00:47:15.750 --> 00:47:18.336 -Permit me -to introduce myself. - -00:47:20.213 --> 00:47:24.425 -I am Prince Vlad of Sagite. - -00:47:27.428 --> 00:47:29.430 -A prince, no less? -I am... - -00:47:31.057 --> 00:47:32.976 -your servant. - -00:47:35.270 --> 00:47:37.856 -Wilhelmina Murray. - -00:47:40.817 --> 00:47:43.444 -I am - -00:47:43.611 --> 00:47:45.613 -honored, - -00:47:45.780 --> 00:47:47.699 -Madam Mina. - -00:47:51.661 --> 00:47:53.454 -This way. - -00:48:06.676 --> 00:48:08.553 -Hello, sir. - -00:48:08.720 --> 00:48:11.973 -Mr. Holmwood asked me -to stop by to see Miss Lucy. - -00:48:12.140 --> 00:48:13.600 -Yes, sir. - -00:48:13.766 --> 00:48:16.436 -Dr. Seward, Miss Lucy. -Thank you. - -00:48:16.603 --> 00:48:18.146 -Oh, Jack! - -00:48:18.313 --> 00:48:21.566 -Brilliant Jack. Do you like it? - -00:48:23.359 --> 00:48:25.320 -Did Arthur put you -up to this - -00:48:25.486 --> 00:48:28.865 -or did you want me alone -just once before I'm married? - -00:48:29.949 --> 00:48:32.452 -Lucy, you're -embarrassing me. - -00:48:32.619 --> 00:48:35.330 -I'm here as your doctor. - -00:48:35.496 --> 00:48:37.665 -Your fiancé is very -worried about you, - -00:48:37.832 --> 00:48:42.629 -and I assure you, -a doctor's confidence is sacred. - -00:48:42.795 --> 00:48:44.881 -I must have your -complete trust. - -00:48:49.552 --> 00:48:51.512 -Help me, Jack. - -00:48:52.889 --> 00:48:55.600 -I don't know -what's happening to me. - -00:48:55.767 --> 00:48:57.852 -I'm changing. - -00:48:58.019 --> 00:48:59.896 -I can feel it. - -00:49:01.439 --> 00:49:03.316 -I can hear everything. - -00:49:03.483 --> 00:49:06.486 -I hear the servants at the other -end of the house, whispering. - -00:49:06.653 --> 00:49:09.906 -I hear mice in the attic, -stomping like elephants. - -00:49:11.074 --> 00:49:13.743 -But I'm having horrible -nightmares, Jack. - -00:49:15.870 --> 00:49:17.372 -The eyes. - -00:49:17.538 --> 00:49:18.873 -Oh, Jack. - -00:49:19.040 --> 00:49:22.669 -I'm here, Lucy. -Nothing will harm you. - -00:49:22.835 --> 00:49:25.546 -Ow. Ow. - -00:49:25.713 --> 00:49:27.131 -Let it work. - -00:49:29.133 --> 00:49:31.386 -Thank you. -Lucy. - -00:49:31.552 --> 00:49:33.930 -Oh, Jack, kiss me. - -00:49:39.060 --> 00:49:41.896 -And may I say, Miss -Lucy is hotter than a June bride - -00:49:42.063 --> 00:49:44.399 -riding bareback buck naked -in middle of the Sahara. - -00:49:44.565 --> 00:49:46.734 -I would watch my colonial -tongue if I were you. - -00:49:48.319 --> 00:49:52.323 -Hello, Jack. And how's -our lovely patient today? - -00:49:52.490 --> 00:49:56.202 -Well, frankly, Arthur, -I'm confounded. - -00:49:56.369 --> 00:49:58.997 -Oh, Jack, are you -still brooding over Miss Lucy? - -00:49:59.163 --> 00:50:02.667 -I can only conclude -it must be something mental. - -00:50:02.834 --> 00:50:06.254 -How very droll. -Did you hear that, Quince? - -00:50:06.421 --> 00:50:09.966 -Last week he wanted to marry her, and -now he wants to have her committed. - -00:50:11.384 --> 00:50:12.802 -Let's go and have -a look at her. - -00:50:23.563 --> 00:50:26.566 -I'm at a loss, -I admit. - -00:50:26.733 --> 00:50:29.318 -I've taken the liberty of -cabling Abraham Van Helsing, - -00:50:29.485 --> 00:50:31.446 -the metaphysician, -philosopher. - -00:50:31.612 --> 00:50:34.407 -Sounds like a goddamn -witch doctor to me, Jack. - -00:50:34.574 --> 00:50:38.369 -Van Helsing knows more about obscure -diseases than any man in the world. - -00:50:38.536 --> 00:50:40.705 -He's my teacher -and mentor. - -00:50:43.624 --> 00:50:47.128 -Do it, man. -Bring him here. - -00:50:47.295 --> 00:50:49.255 -Spare no expense. - -00:51:24.040 --> 00:51:25.708 -Astounding. - -00:51:25.875 --> 00:51:28.669 -There are no limits -to science. - -00:51:30.922 --> 00:51:33.174 -How can you call this science? - -00:51:34.550 --> 00:51:37.512 -Do you think Madam Curie -would invite such comparisons? - -00:51:37.678 --> 00:51:39.347 -Really. - -00:51:42.266 --> 00:51:45.728 -I, ahem-- I shouldn't -have come here. - -00:51:45.895 --> 00:51:47.814 -I must go. - -00:51:53.069 --> 00:51:55.029 -Do not fear me. - -00:52:10.211 --> 00:52:11.796 -Stop this. Stop this. - -00:52:11.963 --> 00:52:13.548 -Stop this. - -00:52:23.891 --> 00:52:26.477 -My God. Who are you? - -00:52:26.644 --> 00:52:28.312 -I know you. - -00:52:28.479 --> 00:52:33.025 -I have crossed -oceans of time - -00:52:33.192 --> 00:52:35.069 -to find you. - -00:53:14.150 --> 00:53:16.194 -There is no need to panic. - -00:53:16.360 --> 00:53:20.031 -The animal handlers have -everything under complete control. - -00:53:40.092 --> 00:53:42.136 -Come here, Mina. - -00:54:01.364 --> 00:54:02.990 -He likes you. - -00:54:29.183 --> 00:54:32.478 -There is much to be -learned from beasts. - -00:55:45.634 --> 00:55:47.803 -The tropical -pampas vampire bat must - -00:55:47.970 --> 00:55:51.766 -consume 10 times its own weight -in fresh blood each day - -00:55:52.808 --> 00:55:55.394 -or its own blood cells -will die. - -00:56:04.528 --> 00:56:06.113 -Cute little vermin, ja? - -00:56:07.615 --> 00:56:10.159 -Blood and the diseases -of the blood, - -00:56:10.326 --> 00:56:13.120 -such as syphilis, -they concern us here. - -00:56:14.205 --> 00:56:16.457 -The very name -"venereal diseases," - -00:56:16.624 --> 00:56:20.294 -the diseases of Venus, -imputes to them divine origin. - -00:56:20.461 --> 00:56:23.839 -And they are involved -in that sex problem about which - -00:56:24.006 --> 00:56:28.052 -the ethics and ideals of Christian -civilization are concerned. - -00:56:28.219 --> 00:56:33.224 -In fact, civilization and syphilisation -have advanced together. - -00:56:36.268 --> 00:56:37.311 -What is this? - -00:56:37.478 --> 00:56:39.105 -It's from the telegraph, -professor. - -00:56:39.271 --> 00:56:41.148 -Telegraph? - -00:56:43.067 --> 00:56:47.488 -Mm. Thank you. Gentlemen, -thank you. That will be all. - -00:56:58.416 --> 00:57:00.501 -Dawn. - -00:57:00.668 --> 00:57:03.504 -These may be the last words -I write in this journal. - -00:57:03.671 --> 00:57:06.298 -Dracula has left me -with these women, - -00:57:06.465 --> 00:57:08.509 -these devils of the pit. - -00:57:08.676 --> 00:57:10.845 -They drain my blood -to keep me weak, - -00:57:11.011 --> 00:57:13.681 -barely alive so I cannot escape. - -00:57:13.848 --> 00:57:17.184 -I will try one last time today -to escape to the water. - -00:57:17.351 --> 00:57:20.187 -There must be passageway -to the river, - -00:57:20.354 --> 00:57:22.773 -and then away -from this cursed land - -00:57:22.940 --> 00:57:26.110 -where the devil and his children -still walk with earthly feet. - -00:57:36.370 --> 00:57:38.497 -For the record, I do attest - -00:57:38.664 --> 00:57:41.876 -that at this point, -I, Abraham Van Helsing, - -00:57:42.042 --> 00:57:45.921 -became personally involved -in these strange events. - -00:58:39.934 --> 00:58:42.937 -Professor Van Helsing, -how good of you to come. - -00:58:47.525 --> 00:58:50.903 -I always come to my friends -in need when they call me. - -00:58:51.070 --> 00:58:53.447 -So, Jack, tell me -everything about yourcase. - -00:58:53.614 --> 00:58:56.492 -She has all the usual -physical anemic signs. - -00:58:56.659 --> 00:58:59.787 -Her blood analyses normal, -and yet it is not. - -00:58:59.954 --> 00:59:03.499 -She manifests continued blood loss. -I cannot trace the cause. - -00:59:03.666 --> 00:59:04.708 -Blood loss? How? - -00:59:14.969 --> 00:59:16.262 -My God, close the doors! - -00:59:27.856 --> 00:59:31.193 -My God, -she's only a child. - -00:59:32.820 --> 00:59:34.280 -Ja. - -00:59:35.614 --> 00:59:37.533 -My God. - -00:59:37.700 --> 00:59:41.704 -There's no time to be lost. There -must be a transfusion atonce. - -00:59:41.870 --> 00:59:44.498 -Take off your coat. Remember -how to tie a tourniquet, don't you? - -00:59:44.665 --> 00:59:47.001 -Or have you forgotten? -You perfected a procedure? - -00:59:47.167 --> 00:59:49.587 -Perfected? No. -I've only experimented. - -00:59:49.753 --> 00:59:51.672 -Landsteiner's method. - -00:59:53.507 --> 00:59:55.676 -Animals, goats, sheeps. - -00:59:57.344 --> 00:59:59.221 -If haemolysis occurs -in the blood-donor serum, - -00:59:59.388 --> 01:00:01.056 -her red blood cells -will explode. - -01:00:01.223 --> 01:00:03.559 -She will die. -Here, take this tube. - -01:00:07.521 --> 01:00:09.648 -What in God's name -is going on up here? - -01:00:09.815 --> 01:00:11.358 -This is Professor -Van Helsing, Art. - -01:00:11.525 --> 01:00:13.027 -What the hell is he doing to Lucy? - -01:00:13.193 --> 01:00:14.236 -He's trying to save her life. - -01:00:14.403 --> 01:00:16.905 -Good God! -You're the fiancé? Please. - -01:00:18.240 --> 01:00:19.825 -Please. - -01:00:20.367 --> 01:00:23.412 -Take off your coat. This young -lady's very ill. She's dying. - -01:00:23.579 --> 01:00:25.581 -She wants blood -and blood she must have. - -01:00:25.748 --> 01:00:27.082 -Take off your coat. - -01:00:27.249 --> 01:00:29.168 -Roll up your sleeve, Art. - -01:00:30.544 --> 01:00:32.838 -Oh, God. -Quickly, quickly, quickly. - -01:00:33.005 --> 01:00:34.548 -Roll it up! - -01:00:34.715 --> 01:00:36.467 -This may hurt a little, Art. - -01:00:36.634 --> 01:00:37.926 -Ow! - -01:00:48.228 --> 01:00:51.732 -Forgive me, sir. My life is hers. I would -give my last drop of blood to save her. - -01:00:51.899 --> 01:00:53.776 -Your last drop? - -01:00:53.942 --> 01:00:55.569 -Thank you. - -01:00:55.736 --> 01:01:00.074 -You are very welcome here. -I don't ask as much as that. Not yet. - -01:01:00.240 --> 01:01:01.659 -Hold her hand. - -01:01:14.254 --> 01:01:18.592 -But, Jack, that poor creature has had -the blood of two men put into her already. - -01:01:18.759 --> 01:01:22.179 -Man alive. Her whole body -couldn't hold that much blood. - -01:01:25.432 --> 01:01:26.517 -What took it out? - -01:01:26.684 --> 01:01:28.602 -That's a good question, Mr. Morris. - -01:01:34.233 --> 01:01:36.110 -Those marks -on her throat, - -01:01:36.276 --> 01:01:38.654 -no disease, -no trituration, - -01:01:38.821 --> 01:01:40.656 -I am sure the blood loss -occurred there. - -01:01:40.823 --> 01:01:42.741 -Oh? Where did -the blood go? - -01:01:44.284 --> 01:01:46.578 -You were once -a careful student, Jack. - -01:01:46.745 --> 01:01:48.580 -Use your brain! -Where did the blood go? - -01:01:48.747 --> 01:01:50.124 -Tell me! - -01:01:51.291 --> 01:01:52.710 -The bedclothes would -be covered in blood. - -01:01:52.876 --> 01:01:56.046 -Exactly. You do not let your -eyes see nor your ears hear - -01:01:56.213 --> 01:01:58.465 -that which you -cannot account for. - -01:01:58.632 --> 01:02:02.094 -Something just went up there, sucked it -out of her and flew away, I suppose? - -01:02:04.179 --> 01:02:05.973 -Ja. Why not? - -01:02:06.140 --> 01:02:10.352 -That's brilliant. -That's absolutely brilliant. - -01:02:10.519 --> 01:02:12.646 -Will one of you learned doctors, -or whatever you are, - -01:02:12.813 --> 01:02:14.773 -kindly tell me what is -going on with my Lucy? - -01:02:16.150 --> 01:02:18.736 -Jack, you are a scientist. - -01:02:18.902 --> 01:02:22.239 -Do you not think there are things in this -universe which you cannot understand - -01:02:22.406 --> 01:02:24.867 -and which are true. -Mesmerism, hypnotism? - -01:02:25.033 --> 01:02:27.119 -You and Charcot -have proved hypnotism. - -01:02:27.286 --> 01:02:28.704 -Materialization, astral bodies. - -01:02:38.505 --> 01:02:40.424 -Professor? - -01:02:42.009 --> 01:02:43.260 -Where the hell did he go? - -01:02:46.430 --> 01:02:48.307 -You see? - -01:02:48.474 --> 01:02:50.851 -I feel like a blundering novice. - -01:02:51.018 --> 01:02:54.521 -Gentlemen, we're not fighting -some disease here. - -01:02:54.688 --> 01:02:56.690 -Those marks on your dear -Miss Lucy's neck were made - -01:02:56.857 --> 01:02:59.026 -by something -unspeakable out there. - -01:02:59.193 --> 01:03:00.360 -Dead, but not dead. - -01:03:00.527 --> 01:03:03.572 -It stalks us for some dread purpose -I do not yet comprehend. - -01:03:03.739 --> 01:03:06.825 -To live, it feeds -on Lucy's precious blood. - -01:03:06.992 --> 01:03:09.369 -It is a beast, a monster. - -01:03:28.138 --> 01:03:31.183 -What is happening -to Lucy and to me? - -01:03:31.350 --> 01:03:34.520 -When I was younger, -my feelings were never troubled. - -01:03:34.686 --> 01:03:36.980 -I wish I were myself again, - -01:03:37.147 --> 01:03:40.776 -the sensible Mina -I always depended on. - -01:03:47.324 --> 01:03:49.368 -Absinthe - -01:03:49.535 --> 01:03:51.995 -is the aphrodisiac of the self. - -01:03:53.831 --> 01:03:56.416 -The green fairy - -01:03:56.583 --> 01:04:01.296 -who lives in the absinthe - -01:04:01.463 --> 01:04:03.382 -wants your soul. - -01:04:06.260 --> 01:04:07.594 -But... - -01:04:08.929 --> 01:04:11.890 -you are safe with me. - -01:04:26.697 --> 01:04:28.949 -Tell me, prince, - -01:04:29.116 --> 01:04:31.201 -tell me of your home. - -01:04:33.787 --> 01:04:35.998 -The most beautiful place - -01:04:36.164 --> 01:04:38.083 -in all creation. - -01:04:38.917 --> 01:04:42.796 -Yes, it must be. - -01:04:46.425 --> 01:04:50.637 -A land beyond -a great, vast forest... - -01:04:53.307 --> 01:04:55.976 -surrounded by -majestic mountains... - -01:04:57.811 --> 01:04:59.730 -lush vineyards... - -01:05:01.732 --> 01:05:06.278 -and flowers of such frailty -and beauty - -01:05:06.445 --> 01:05:08.822 -as to be found nowhere else. - -01:05:18.707 --> 01:05:20.584 -You've described my home - -01:05:20.751 --> 01:05:22.920 -as if you had -seen it firsthand. - -01:05:27.007 --> 01:05:30.093 -It's your voice, -perhaps. - -01:05:30.260 --> 01:05:32.179 -It's so familiar. - -01:05:34.181 --> 01:05:36.099 -It's like-- - -01:05:37.517 --> 01:05:40.270 -It's like a voice in a dream -I cannot place... - -01:05:43.190 --> 01:05:45.776 -and it comforts me. - -01:05:45.943 --> 01:05:48.403 -When I am alone. -When you are alone. - -01:06:10.300 --> 01:06:12.386 -And what -of the princess? - -01:06:19.226 --> 01:06:20.727 -Princess? - -01:06:20.894 --> 01:06:22.813 -There is always -a princess... - -01:06:24.982 --> 01:06:27.401 -with gowns -flowing white. - -01:06:31.613 --> 01:06:34.700 -And her face. - -01:06:34.866 --> 01:06:37.869 -Oh, God, - -01:06:38.036 --> 01:06:39.913 -her face... - -01:06:43.667 --> 01:06:45.252 -is a river. - -01:06:50.716 --> 01:06:52.509 -The princess, - -01:06:53.719 --> 01:06:57.097 -she's a river -filled with tears of sadness - -01:06:58.598 --> 01:07:00.517 -and heartbreak. - -01:07:04.771 --> 01:07:06.732 -There was a princess. - -01:07:10.277 --> 01:07:12.195 -Elisabeta. - -01:07:14.865 --> 01:07:16.742 -She was the most -radiant woman - -01:07:16.908 --> 01:07:18.952 -in all the empires -of the world. - -01:07:26.501 --> 01:07:30.130 -Man's deceit took her -from her ancient prince. - -01:07:32.299 --> 01:07:35.093 -She leapt to her death - -01:07:35.260 --> 01:07:37.637 -into the river -that you spoke of. - -01:07:38.722 --> 01:07:41.641 -In my mother's tongue - -01:07:43.143 --> 01:07:45.062 -it is called... - -01:07:46.313 --> 01:07:48.398 -argesh. - -01:07:50.650 --> 01:07:52.402 -River princess. - -01:09:28.748 --> 01:09:30.125 -Dear madam. - -01:09:30.292 --> 01:09:33.336 -Your fiance' is safe -and in the care... - -01:09:33.503 --> 01:09:35.964 -of the good sisters -of the Blessed Sacrament. - -01:09:37.424 --> 01:09:41.761 -Mr. Harker believes your life -is in extreme danger - -01:09:41.928 --> 01:09:45.265 -and he desires with all urgency -that you join him here - -01:09:45.432 --> 01:09:48.560 -so that you may -immediately be married. - -01:09:48.727 --> 01:09:52.230 -Yours with all blessings, -Sister Agatha. - -01:09:55.483 --> 01:09:57.652 -My sweet prince. - -01:09:57.819 --> 01:10:00.447 -Jonathan must never -know of us. - -01:10:07.954 --> 01:10:09.581 -Lucy? Lucy. - -01:10:09.748 --> 01:10:12.834 -Abraham Van Helsing. -Dr. Van Helsing. - -01:10:13.001 --> 01:10:16.129 -And you're Madam Mina, -dear friend to our Lucy, ja? - -01:10:16.296 --> 01:10:19.466 -How is she, doctor? -She's still very weak. - -01:10:19.633 --> 01:10:21.885 -She tells me of your -beloved Jonathan Harker - -01:10:22.052 --> 01:10:24.137 -and your worry for him. - -01:10:24.304 --> 01:10:26.473 -Well, I, too, worry -for all young lovers. - -01:10:31.144 --> 01:10:33.605 -There are darknesses -in life, my child, - -01:10:33.772 --> 01:10:35.815 -and there are lights. - -01:10:35.982 --> 01:10:38.777 -You are one of the lights, -dear Mina, - -01:10:38.944 --> 01:10:40.987 -the light of all light. - -01:10:46.493 --> 01:10:48.203 -Go now. See your friend. - -01:11:04.678 --> 01:11:06.513 -Mina. - -01:11:09.599 --> 01:11:12.018 -You look different, Mina. - -01:11:12.185 --> 01:11:15.272 -You look positively radiant. - -01:11:15.438 --> 01:11:16.856 -You heard -from Jonathan. - -01:11:17.023 --> 01:11:19.067 -Didn't you? -Yes. - -01:11:19.234 --> 01:11:20.694 -Yes. - -01:11:20.860 --> 01:11:22.862 -He's safe, Lucy. - -01:11:23.029 --> 01:11:25.699 -He's in a convent -in Romania. - -01:11:25.865 --> 01:11:29.286 -He's suffering from -a violent brain fever. - -01:11:29.452 --> 01:11:31.121 -The good sisters -are caring for him. - -01:11:31.288 --> 01:11:35.875 -They wrote to me, -and they say he needs me, - -01:11:36.042 --> 01:11:39.045 -but I won't go. - -01:11:39.212 --> 01:11:41.339 -I'm not going -to leave you. - -01:11:41.506 --> 01:11:43.174 -Mina. - -01:11:43.800 --> 01:11:46.219 -You've got to go to him - -01:11:46.386 --> 01:11:48.888 -and you've got to love him - -01:11:49.055 --> 01:11:51.224 -and marry him -right then and there. - -01:11:52.559 --> 01:11:54.978 -And I want you to -take this, my sister. - -01:11:55.145 --> 01:11:56.354 -No. - -01:11:56.521 --> 01:11:58.398 -It's my wedding gift -to you. - -01:11:58.565 --> 01:12:00.025 -No, Lucy, no. - -01:12:00.525 --> 01:12:02.902 -Don't worry about -spoiled little Lucy. - -01:12:05.280 --> 01:12:07.699 -I'll be all right. - -01:12:08.325 --> 01:12:10.869 -Tell Jonathan oceans of love. - -01:12:25.800 --> 01:12:27.552 -Jack, how is she? -Quincey. - -01:12:46.529 --> 01:12:48.656 -This is why I -cannot breathe! - -01:12:48.823 --> 01:12:51.451 -Lucy.Lucy. -Lucy, it's medicinal. - -01:12:51.618 --> 01:12:53.912 -To help you sleep. -To dream better dreams. - -01:12:54.079 --> 01:12:57.082 -It's garlic! -It's nothing but common garlic! - -01:12:57.248 --> 01:13:00.460 -Lucy, Quincey's here. Quincey's -here to see you. Get some brandy. - -01:13:00.627 --> 01:13:04.297 -Now, Miss Lucy, -you just rest easy. - -01:13:04.464 --> 01:13:06.299 -Arthur sent me -to take care of you. - -01:13:07.425 --> 01:13:08.968 -He said if you don't -get better right quick, - -01:13:09.135 --> 01:13:12.055 -I have to put you out of your -misery like a lame horse. - -01:13:12.222 --> 01:13:14.140 -Quincey. - -01:13:15.058 --> 01:13:17.477 -You're such a beast. - -01:13:20.814 --> 01:13:22.732 -Will you kiss me, -Quincey? - -01:13:25.819 --> 01:13:28.238 -Kiss me. - -01:13:30.448 --> 01:13:31.491 -Kiss me. - -01:13:35.745 --> 01:13:39.666 -- That old coot! -- Get off me! - -01:13:39.833 --> 01:13:43.211 -Lucy, listen to me! -Sleep, sleep now. Sleep. - -01:13:46.339 --> 01:13:48.341 -You're at peace. - -01:13:48.508 --> 01:13:52.303 -Look. There. There. - -01:13:52.637 --> 01:13:54.180 -Ja. - -01:13:55.932 --> 01:13:57.225 -Nosferatu. - -01:14:11.197 --> 01:14:13.741 -"Here occurs the shocking -and frightening history - -01:14:13.908 --> 01:14:17.829 -of the wild, -berserk Prince Dracula. - -01:14:17.996 --> 01:14:20.206 -How he impaled people -and roasted them, - -01:14:20.373 --> 01:14:21.958 -boiled their heads in a kettle, - -01:14:22.125 --> 01:14:24.377 -how he skinned them alive - -01:14:24.544 --> 01:14:28.214 -and hacked them to pieces -and then drank their blood." - -01:14:30.175 --> 01:14:31.759 -Ja. - -01:14:32.552 --> 01:14:34.846 -Dracul. - -01:14:35.013 --> 01:14:37.557 -For blood is the life. - -01:14:52.363 --> 01:14:56.618 -My dearest prince, -forgive me. - -01:14:56.784 --> 01:15:00.330 -I have received word -from my fiance in Romania. - -01:15:00.497 --> 01:15:03.625 -I am en route to join him. -We are to be married. - -01:15:04.709 --> 01:15:07.253 -I will never see you again. - -01:15:07.420 --> 01:15:09.130 -Mina. - -01:15:18.848 --> 01:15:21.100 -It is odd, but I feel almost - -01:15:21.267 --> 01:15:23.895 -that my strange friend -is with me. - -01:15:24.062 --> 01:15:26.898 -He speaks to me in my thoughts. - -01:15:27.065 --> 01:15:30.109 -With him I felt more alive -than ever I had. - -01:15:30.276 --> 01:15:33.112 -And now without him, -soon to be a bride, - -01:15:33.279 --> 01:15:35.990 -I feel confused and lost. - -01:15:36.157 --> 01:15:40.161 -Perhaps, though I try -to be good, I am bad. - -01:15:40.328 --> 01:15:43.289 -Perhaps I am a bad, -inconstant woman. - -01:16:01.474 --> 01:16:03.768 -Winds! - -01:16:04.519 --> 01:16:07.188 -Winds! - -01:16:08.439 --> 01:16:11.651 -Winds! - -01:16:14.696 --> 01:16:16.823 -It is the cause. - -01:16:16.990 --> 01:16:19.659 -It is the cause of my soul! - -01:16:19.826 --> 01:16:21.202 -It is Dracula, - -01:16:21.369 --> 01:16:23.496 -the undead, - -01:16:23.663 --> 01:16:26.416 -the foe I have pursued -all my life. - -01:16:30.670 --> 01:16:32.130 -Dracula! - -01:16:35.341 --> 01:16:37.594 -Jack, hurry! -I have much to tell you. - -01:16:40.346 --> 01:16:42.181 -Guard her well, Mr. Morris. - -01:16:42.348 --> 01:16:44.767 -Do not fail here tonight. - -01:16:44.934 --> 01:16:47.854 -We are dealing with forces -beyond all human experience, - -01:16:48.021 --> 01:16:50.023 -an enormous power, -so guard her well. - -01:16:50.189 --> 01:16:53.818 -Otherwise your precious Lucy -will become a bitch of the devil, - -01:16:53.985 --> 01:16:55.862 -a whore of darkness! - -01:16:57.864 --> 01:16:59.365 -Well, you're a sick old buzzard. - -01:17:00.950 --> 01:17:02.869 -Hear me out, young man. - -01:17:03.036 --> 01:17:05.413 -Lucy is not a random victim -attacked by mere accident. - -01:17:05.580 --> 01:17:07.165 -Do you understand? No. - -01:17:07.332 --> 01:17:11.419 -She is a willing recruit, a breathless -follower, a wanton follower. - -01:17:11.586 --> 01:17:14.088 -I dare say, a devoted disciple. - -01:17:14.255 --> 01:17:16.716 -She is the devil's concubine! - -01:17:18.509 --> 01:17:19.761 -Do you understand me? - -01:17:20.887 --> 01:17:24.641 -Yet, we may still save -her precious soul. - -01:17:24.807 --> 01:17:28.478 -But not on an -empty stomach. - -01:17:28.645 --> 01:17:30.855 -Jack! -Here, sir. - -01:17:31.022 --> 01:17:33.733 -Ah! I starve. Feed me. - -01:17:34.817 --> 01:17:36.361 -You old coot! - -01:19:51.370 --> 01:19:54.540 -Your impotent men -with their foolish spells - -01:19:54.707 --> 01:19:58.836 -cannot protect you -from my power. - -01:20:11.224 --> 01:20:14.727 -I condemn you to living death, - -01:20:14.894 --> 01:20:18.022 -to eternal hunger - -01:20:18.189 --> 01:20:22.443 -for living blood. - -01:21:46.235 --> 01:21:48.321 -Pfft! Jack. - -01:21:48.905 --> 01:21:50.364 -Come here. - -01:21:53.951 --> 01:21:55.369 -Ja. - -01:21:55.995 --> 01:21:59.957 -I know how deeply you loved her. That -is why you must trust me and believe. - -01:22:00.124 --> 01:22:02.251 -Believe? -How can I believe? - -01:22:02.418 --> 01:22:06.130 -I want you to bring me, before -nightfall, a set of post-mortem knives. - -01:22:06.297 --> 01:22:08.299 -An autopsy? Lucy? - -01:22:08.466 --> 01:22:12.011 -No, no, no, not exactly. I just want to -cut off her head and take out her heart. - -01:22:14.180 --> 01:22:15.765 -Jack-- - -01:22:20.019 --> 01:22:22.855 -Diary, 17th September. - -01:22:23.022 --> 01:22:26.651 -Poor Jonathan. Still so ill. - -01:22:26.817 --> 01:22:30.029 -He's cheered by -the familiar streets of London. - -01:22:30.196 --> 01:22:34.367 -For me, now that Lucy is dead, -it is a sad homecoming. - -01:22:35.493 --> 01:22:38.037 -It is as if a part of me -is dead too, - -01:22:38.204 --> 01:22:40.998 -except for the tiny hope -that lives in me - -01:22:41.165 --> 01:22:43.626 -that I will again see my prince. - -01:22:43.793 --> 01:22:45.670 -Is he here? - -01:22:45.836 --> 01:22:47.338 -Now that I am married, - -01:22:47.505 --> 01:22:51.550 -I begin to understand the nature -of my feelings for my strange friend - -01:22:51.717 --> 01:22:54.136 -who is always in my thoughts. - -01:23:05.189 --> 01:23:07.233 -Jonathan, what is it? - -01:23:07.400 --> 01:23:09.276 -It is the man himself. - -01:23:09.443 --> 01:23:11.612 -Look, he's grown young. - -01:23:55.197 --> 01:23:59.660 -Gentlemen, must we desecrate -poor Lucy's grave? - -01:23:59.827 --> 01:24:01.746 -She died -horribly enough. - -01:24:04.457 --> 01:24:07.460 -If Miss Lucy is dead, then -no wrong can be done to her. - -01:24:07.626 --> 01:24:10.171 -But if she's not dead, well... - -01:24:10.337 --> 01:24:12.757 -What are you saying, man? -That she's been buried alive? - -01:24:12.923 --> 01:24:17.928 -No. All I say is she is undead. - -01:24:18.888 --> 01:24:20.222 -Undead. - -01:24:20.389 --> 01:24:22.183 -This is insane. - -01:24:41.410 --> 01:24:43.621 -Gentlemen, shall we? - -01:24:43.788 --> 01:24:46.749 -One, two, three. - -01:25:03.599 --> 01:25:05.518 -Where is she? - -01:25:06.894 --> 01:25:09.063 -Where is she?! - -01:25:09.939 --> 01:25:12.858 -What have you -done with her? - -01:25:13.025 --> 01:25:15.152 -She lives beyond -the grace of God, - -01:25:15.319 --> 01:25:17.488 -a wanderer in the -outer darkness. - -01:25:17.655 --> 01:25:21.534 -She is vampyre, -nosferatu. - -01:25:21.700 --> 01:25:24.662 -These creatures do not die -like the bee after the first sting, - -01:25:24.829 --> 01:25:27.164 -but instead grow strong -and become immortal - -01:25:27.331 --> 01:25:29.416 -once infected -by another nosferatu. - -01:25:35.047 --> 01:25:37.842 -So, my friends, -we fight not one beast, - -01:25:38.008 --> 01:25:41.387 -but legions that go on -age after age after age, - -01:25:41.554 --> 01:25:43.305 -feeding on the blood -of the living. - -01:25:49.395 --> 01:25:52.273 -Quickly, hide. Now. - -01:26:20.092 --> 01:26:21.135 -Lucy! - -01:26:29.268 --> 01:26:32.396 -Come to me, Arthur. - -01:26:32.563 --> 01:26:35.608 -Leave these others -and come to me. - -01:26:37.610 --> 01:26:40.613 -My arms are hungry for you, -my darling. - -01:26:40.779 --> 01:26:44.325 -Kiss me and caress me, - -01:26:44.491 --> 01:26:46.785 -my darling husband, please. - -01:26:46.952 --> 01:26:49.622 -We wave -Christ and His holy blood! - -01:26:49.788 --> 01:26:52.416 -We are strong in the Lord -and the power of his might! - -01:26:52.583 --> 01:26:55.711 -We are strong in the Lord -and the power of his might! - -01:26:56.962 --> 01:26:58.464 -The power of God -is upon us! - -01:26:58.631 --> 01:27:00.633 -We are strong in the Lord -and the power of his might! - -01:27:00.799 --> 01:27:04.470 -We are strong in the Lord -and the power of his might! - -01:27:05.137 --> 01:27:07.139 -We are strong in the Lord -and the power of his might! - -01:27:10.976 --> 01:27:13.562 -I bring you from shadow -into light! - -01:27:14.939 --> 01:27:16.815 -I cast you out, -the prince of darkness, - -01:27:16.982 --> 01:27:18.108 -into hell! - -01:27:21.570 --> 01:27:23.614 -A moment's courage, -and it is done. - -01:27:23.781 --> 01:27:25.658 -Take the stake -in your left hand... - -01:27:27.868 --> 01:27:30.496 -place the point -over the heart. - -01:27:34.416 --> 01:27:36.919 -Then in God's name, strike. -Do it now! - -01:27:52.518 --> 01:27:57.523 -Eat, feast. You'll need your -strength for the dark days ahead. - -01:27:57.856 --> 01:27:59.358 -Mina. - -01:28:00.693 --> 01:28:03.237 -Doctor? -Ja? - -01:28:03.404 --> 01:28:04.989 -How did Lucy die? - -01:28:08.200 --> 01:28:09.285 -Well-- - -01:28:11.161 --> 01:28:12.705 -Was she in great pain? - -01:28:12.871 --> 01:28:15.499 -Ja, she was in great pain. -Then we cut off her head - -01:28:15.666 --> 01:28:18.836 -and drove a stake through her heart and -burned it and then she found peace. - -01:28:19.003 --> 01:28:22.298 -Doctor! Please. - -01:28:25.801 --> 01:28:28.012 -So, Mr. Harker, - -01:28:28.178 --> 01:28:31.056 -I must now ask you, -as your doctor... - -01:28:33.934 --> 01:28:35.686 -a sensitive question. - -01:28:35.853 --> 01:28:38.355 -During your infidelity -with those creatures, - -01:28:38.522 --> 01:28:40.024 -those demonic women, - -01:28:40.190 --> 01:28:43.527 -did you, for one instant, -taste of their blood? - -01:28:44.528 --> 01:28:45.571 -No. - -01:28:49.908 --> 01:28:53.162 -No? -No. - -01:28:55.331 --> 01:28:56.373 -Good! - -01:28:56.540 --> 01:28:59.043 -Then you have not infected -your blood with the terrible - -01:28:59.209 --> 01:29:01.587 -disease that -destroyed poor Lucy. - -01:29:10.137 --> 01:29:12.765 -Doctor, -you must understand. - -01:29:14.433 --> 01:29:16.852 -I doubted everything, - -01:29:17.019 --> 01:29:18.604 -even my mind. - -01:29:18.771 --> 01:29:20.814 -I was impotent with fear. - -01:29:20.981 --> 01:29:23.776 +01:06:26.774 --> 01:06:28.191 +- You smell bad. - I know. -- But, sir, -01:29:23.942 --> 01:29:27.696 -I know where -the bastard sleeps. +01:06:28.693 --> 01:06:29.776 +Help! -01:29:27.863 --> 01:29:31.533 -I brought him there, -to Carfax Abbey. +01:06:29.861 --> 01:06:32.070 +Somebody help! +My wife is in labor! -01:29:34.286 --> 01:29:37.915 -Vampires do exist. +01:06:32.405 --> 01:06:34.031 +Oh, my God! +Oh, my God! -01:29:38.082 --> 01:29:41.126 -And this one we fight, -this one we face, +01:06:34.198 --> 01:06:36.992 +Baby? The ambulance can't +be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it? -01:29:41.293 --> 01:29:43.796 -has the strength -of 20 or more people, +01:06:37.076 --> 01:06:38.744 +I can't hold it! +It's coming out! -01:29:43.962 --> 01:29:45.964 -and you can testify for that, -Mr. Harker. +01:06:39.037 --> 01:06:40.162 +It's coming out! -01:29:46.131 --> 01:29:49.218 -But he can also control -the meaner things of life, +01:06:40.246 --> 01:06:42.956 +Does anyone have +any medical experience? -01:29:49.385 --> 01:29:51.428 -the bat, the rodent, the wolf. +01:06:43.207 --> 01:06:46.793 +I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon +for the last 22 years. -01:29:51.595 --> 01:29:55.682 -He can appear as mist, as vapor, -as fog and vanish at will. +01:06:47.086 --> 01:06:48.879 +Please. +Please help us. Please. -01:29:56.350 --> 01:29:58.352 -Now, all these things -Dracula can do, +01:06:49.130 --> 01:06:51.131 +- Allison, they need your help. Come on. +- Okay, fine. -01:29:58.519 --> 01:30:00.145 -but he is not free. +01:06:51.758 --> 01:06:52.758 +Come on. -01:30:00.312 --> 01:30:03.649 -He must rest in the sacred earth of -his homeland to gain his evil power. +01:06:53.259 --> 01:06:54.342 +Are you okay? -01:30:03.816 --> 01:30:07.653 -It is here that we must find him -and destroy him utterly. Jack. +01:06:55.762 --> 01:06:57.471 +Whoa, whoa, whoa. +What are you doing? -01:30:07.820 --> 01:30:10.823 -I almost feel pity for anything -so hunted as this count. +01:06:57.555 --> 01:06:58.930 +Sorry! Old habits die hard. -01:30:10.989 --> 01:30:12.741 -How can you pity -such a creature? +01:06:59.390 --> 01:07:01.058 +All right, I'm going in. -01:30:14.993 --> 01:30:16.328 -I'll take Mina -to my quarters. +01:07:02.977 --> 01:07:04.019 +That's the wrong hole! -01:30:16.495 --> 01:30:18.956 -Good. You'll be safer there. +01:07:04.103 --> 01:07:06.063 +- What? +- You just put your fist up the wrong hole. -01:30:21.667 --> 01:30:23.961 -Mr. Morris, your -bullets will not harm him. +01:07:06.230 --> 01:07:07.856 +If I had a dollar for +every time I heard that. -01:30:24.128 --> 01:30:27.464 -He must be beheaded. I suggest -you use your big bowie knife. +01:07:09.734 --> 01:07:10.776 +Get it outta there. -01:30:27.631 --> 01:30:30.342 -Well, I wasn't planning -on getting that close, doc. +01:07:11.486 --> 01:07:13.487 +- Going in again. +- Okay, good. -01:30:31.760 --> 01:30:33.345 -Master! +01:07:13.654 --> 01:07:15.238 +Still my asshole! -01:30:35.013 --> 01:30:37.307 -Master! +01:07:15.490 --> 01:07:16.990 +What is wrong +with you, man? -01:30:37.850 --> 01:30:39.393 -Master! +01:07:17.075 --> 01:07:18.533 +You just put it in +my asshole again! -01:30:40.352 --> 01:30:42.729 -Master! +01:07:18.618 --> 01:07:20.118 +Just go up +from where you are. -01:30:44.148 --> 01:30:45.607 -Master! +01:07:20.828 --> 01:07:23.455 +The good news is, +your prostate is completely healthy. -01:30:50.112 --> 01:30:52.322 -Dr. Jack! +01:07:24.415 --> 01:07:26.083 +That's good. That's good. -01:30:52.489 --> 01:30:55.367 -I've been promised -eternal life! +01:07:26.334 --> 01:07:27.709 +- Going in again. +- Okay, good. -01:30:58.036 --> 01:31:00.330 -Dr. Seward, -who is that man? +01:07:31.422 --> 01:07:32.589 +Hold on. -01:31:00.497 --> 01:31:03.000 -Mr. Renfield. This is no -place for you, Madam Mina. +01:07:33.925 --> 01:07:34.966 +What are you... -01:31:03.167 --> 01:31:06.295 -Renfield? I must see him. +01:07:37.011 --> 01:07:38.845 +Allison, stop it! +You need two hands! -01:31:07.463 --> 01:31:10.883 -Mr. Renfield, -behave yourself. +01:07:39.180 --> 01:07:40.347 +But I'm in the middle +of the text. -01:31:13.302 --> 01:31:15.220 -This is Mrs. Harker. +01:07:40.598 --> 01:07:42.182 +It's coming out! -01:31:16.972 --> 01:31:20.726 -Good evening. -Good evening, Mr. Renfield. +01:07:47.438 --> 01:07:48.814 +- Where is that coming from? +- What? -01:31:20.893 --> 01:31:23.562 -It seems I've been -rather naughty. +01:07:54.112 --> 01:07:56.113 +I'm really sorry. +I'm gonna have to take this call. -01:31:26.064 --> 01:31:27.941 -I know you. +01:07:56.322 --> 01:07:57.656 +Is there a phone +in my body? -01:31:28.108 --> 01:31:30.027 -You're the bride -my master covets. +01:07:57.949 --> 01:07:59.282 +What are you doing? -01:31:32.571 --> 01:31:35.240 -I have a husband. +01:07:59.408 --> 01:08:00.784 +I'm in +the Lincoln Tunnel. -01:31:35.407 --> 01:31:36.992 -I am Mrs. Harker. +01:08:00.993 --> 01:08:03.328 +What? Okay, look. +We need to talk for a minute. -01:31:38.285 --> 01:31:41.121 -My master tells me -about you. +01:08:03.663 --> 01:08:05.622 +Hello, Nadal. +Listen, I can't speak now. -01:31:42.247 --> 01:31:43.624 -What does he tell you? +01:08:05.706 --> 01:08:07.207 +I'll speak to you later, +okay? Bye! -01:31:44.708 --> 01:31:46.210 -That he is coming. +01:08:07.542 --> 01:08:09.459 +Stop talking to my vagina! -01:31:48.003 --> 01:31:50.088 -That he is coming for you. +01:08:10.795 --> 01:08:13.463 +Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put +your hand in and help me. -01:31:51.131 --> 01:31:53.175 -Oh, please. +01:08:13.756 --> 01:08:15.006 +- What? No... +- Come on! Put it in! -01:31:59.264 --> 01:32:01.266 -Don't stay here. +01:08:15.091 --> 01:08:16.800 +- No, don't be scared. Put it in. +- Okay. Okay. -01:32:01.683 --> 01:32:06.313 -Get away from -these men, please. +01:08:17.051 --> 01:08:18.385 +- I'm sorry. +- Put it right there on the right side. -01:32:07.689 --> 01:32:11.610 -And I pray to God I may never -see your sweet face again. +01:08:18.469 --> 01:08:20.387 +- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh! +- Push in. -01:32:15.280 --> 01:32:17.908 -And may the Lord bless -and keep you. +01:08:21.556 --> 01:08:22.681 +I think I feel an arm! -01:32:29.127 --> 01:32:32.798 -Master! Master! +01:08:24.308 --> 01:08:25.308 +That's my finger. -01:32:32.965 --> 01:32:35.634 -You promised me eternal life, +01:08:38.698 --> 01:08:41.241 +Excuse me. You guys +make a really cute couple together. -01:32:36.093 --> 01:32:39.137 -but you give it -to the pretty woman! +01:08:41.325 --> 01:08:42.951 +But maybe could you finish doing this -01:32:39.304 --> 01:32:41.306 -Dr. Jack! +01:08:43.035 --> 01:08:44.995 +when you're not elbow-deep +in my pussy! -01:32:41.473 --> 01:32:43.433 -I'm no lunatic man! +01:08:45.329 --> 01:08:47.539 +Okay, Allison, +you've got the head? -01:32:43.600 --> 01:32:46.478 -I'm a sane man -fighting for his soul! +01:08:47.832 --> 01:08:49.583 +- I've got the head. +- Okay, it's coming out. -01:32:46.645 --> 01:32:50.524 -My quarters are spare, but I -think you will find them comfortable. +01:08:49.667 --> 01:08:50.709 +Come on, push! -01:32:50.691 --> 01:32:52.526 -Dr. Jack! +01:08:53.171 --> 01:08:56.006 +Where are the rebel bases? +Where are the rebel bases? -01:32:52.693 --> 01:32:55.487 -Water and toiletries -at your disposal. +01:08:56.340 --> 01:08:57.883 +Sorry, sorry. -01:32:57.823 --> 01:33:00.242 -You'll be completely safe here. +01:08:58.176 --> 01:09:01.136 +Wait, I can see the head! +I can see the head! -01:34:02.387 --> 01:34:05.891 -Destroy every box. -Sterilize the earth inside. +01:09:01.220 --> 01:09:02.345 +I can't push anymore! -01:34:06.058 --> 01:34:07.934 -Leave him no refuge. +01:09:06.851 --> 01:09:09.269 +You did it! +You did it! -01:34:08.310 --> 01:34:10.562 -Let the exorcism begin. +01:09:17.528 --> 01:09:18.862 +I sentence you -01:34:37.339 --> 01:34:39.800 -Renfield. +01:09:19.197 --> 01:09:20.697 +to life. -01:34:39.966 --> 01:34:43.011 -You have betrayed me. +01:09:23.201 --> 01:09:24.284 +It's still attached! -01:34:44.137 --> 01:34:45.597 -No. +01:09:24.410 --> 01:09:26.369 +Sorry. Oh, no. -01:34:46.973 --> 01:34:48.934 -No, master. +01:09:26.537 --> 01:09:27.871 +- What's wrong? +- I'm sorry. -01:34:50.435 --> 01:34:52.646 -No, I-- +01:09:28.080 --> 01:09:29.581 +It's bad news. -01:34:53.146 --> 01:34:55.440 -I serve you. +01:09:29.916 --> 01:09:31.041 +It's a girl. -01:34:55.607 --> 01:34:58.443 -I serve only you. +01:09:33.169 --> 01:09:34.211 +Where's the trash can? -01:35:55.876 --> 01:35:59.004 -Oh, yes, my love. +01:09:34.420 --> 01:09:36.421 +No, no, no, no! +That's what we wanted! -01:35:59.171 --> 01:36:01.590 -You've found me. +01:09:36.714 --> 01:09:38.381 +We'll take her, +we'll take her. -01:36:04.801 --> 01:36:07.179 -My most precious life. +01:09:38.466 --> 01:09:39.466 +Oh, baby. -01:36:07.345 --> 01:36:10.432 -I have wanted this to happen. +01:09:43.971 --> 01:09:46.806 +You were so +amazing down there. -01:36:10.599 --> 01:36:12.517 -I know that now. +01:09:47.141 --> 01:09:49.226 +You saved +a little person's life. -01:36:14.352 --> 01:36:17.814 -I want to be with you always. +01:09:58.402 --> 01:09:59.986 +It feels so nice +to kiss you. -01:36:17.981 --> 01:36:22.527 -You cannot know -what you are saying. +01:10:00.071 --> 01:10:01.488 +I know. It's nice +to kiss you, too. -01:36:22.694 --> 01:36:24.654 -Yes, +01:10:01.572 --> 01:10:03.073 +I love the hugging. -01:36:24.821 --> 01:36:26.907 -I do know. +01:10:03.491 --> 01:10:04.908 +I just came. -01:36:39.795 --> 01:36:43.840 -I feared I would never feel -your touch again. +01:10:08.162 --> 01:10:09.663 +I don't care. -01:36:44.007 --> 01:36:45.884 -I thought you were dead. +01:10:11.040 --> 01:10:12.165 +Lie back. -01:36:53.058 --> 01:36:57.145 -There is no life -in this body. +01:10:12.250 --> 01:10:13.291 +Okay. -01:37:01.274 --> 01:37:03.235 -But you live. +01:10:13.376 --> 01:10:15.043 +This is going to be +amazing for you. -01:37:04.945 --> 01:37:06.905 -You live. +01:10:15.127 --> 01:10:16.461 +Okay! -01:37:08.573 --> 01:37:10.492 -What are you? +01:10:29.600 --> 01:10:31.059 +You have such +a small stomach. -01:37:11.785 --> 01:37:14.913 -I must know. -You must tell me. +01:10:31.227 --> 01:10:33.520 +It's like +a 10-year-old boy's. -01:37:22.254 --> 01:37:24.172 -lam... +01:10:35.439 --> 01:10:38.066 +Normally, I don't kiss +a 10-year-old boy's stomach. -01:37:25.590 --> 01:37:27.884 -nothing. +01:10:38.276 --> 01:10:39.484 +They kiss mine. -01:37:28.051 --> 01:37:29.427 -Lifeless. +01:10:40.861 --> 01:10:41.861 +See you in 15 minutes. -01:37:31.429 --> 01:37:33.473 -Soulless. -What do you mean? +01:10:45.283 --> 01:10:46.324 +Okay. -01:37:33.640 --> 01:37:36.560 -Hated and feared. +01:10:55.376 --> 01:10:56.710 +Wait, wait. -01:37:37.769 --> 01:37:40.730 -I am dead -to all the world. +01:10:57.044 --> 01:10:58.378 +Wait. -01:37:40.897 --> 01:37:42.774 -Hear me. +01:11:00.339 --> 01:11:02.507 +Allison, +before we go any further, -01:37:44.776 --> 01:37:46.820 -I am the monster +01:11:03.384 --> 01:11:05.468 +there's something +that I want to tell you. -01:37:46.987 --> 01:37:49.072 -that breathing men -would kill. +01:11:05.720 --> 01:11:08.305 +You've got a dick. +I knew it. -01:37:50.448 --> 01:37:53.034 -I am Dracula. +01:11:09.056 --> 01:11:11.182 +Allison, +I don't have a dick. -01:37:59.291 --> 01:38:01.126 -No. +01:11:11.434 --> 01:11:12.684 +Great! -01:38:08.800 --> 01:38:10.969 -You murdered Lucy! +01:11:13.060 --> 01:11:15.437 +And I've never been +with a guy with a dick. -01:38:24.149 --> 01:38:26.109 +01:11:15.646 --> 01:11:16.938 +Or any guy. + +01:11:18.607 --> 01:11:19.649 +Or boys. + +01:11:21.819 --> 01:11:22.986 +Just girls. + +01:11:24.363 --> 01:11:25.447 +And children. + +01:11:25.948 --> 01:11:28.783 +Not male ones. +Female ones. + +01:11:32.455 --> 01:11:34.706 +What I wanted to +tell you was this. + +01:11:34.790 --> 01:11:37.959 +I really want +to be with you, Allison Burgers. + +01:11:38.794 --> 01:11:40.045 +Zoey, + +01:11:41.839 --> 01:11:43.923 +I'm not really +Allison Burgers. + +01:11:45.009 --> 01:11:47.677 +I'm actually +a little somebody called + +01:11:48.679 --> 01:11:50.680 +Admiral General + +01:11:51.390 --> 01:11:52.640 +Aladeen. + +01:11:57.063 --> 01:11:59.230 +No, what's your real name? + +01:11:59.440 --> 01:12:01.191 +Wait, this will +convince you. + +01:12:03.027 --> 01:12:04.069 +Look, it's me! + +01:12:04.987 --> 01:12:08.156 +The weapons inspectors +will bathe in their own blood! + +01:12:09.575 --> 01:12:11.034 +That's your beard? + +01:12:11.118 --> 01:12:13.161 +No, no, no! +It's not my beard. + +01:12:13.245 --> 01:12:15.288 +My friend chopped the head +off Morgan Freeman. + +01:12:15.748 --> 01:12:18.041 +It's a hilarious story. +I'll tell you later, okay? + +01:12:18.584 --> 01:12:21.878 +You are out of your mind. +You're insane! + +01:12:22.046 --> 01:12:24.964 +Well, you download songs +illegally from the Internet. + +01:12:25.508 --> 01:12:27.050 +So let's not +throw stones, okay? + +01:12:27.802 --> 01:12:29.135 +You're a murderer! + +01:12:29.470 --> 01:12:31.513 +No, no, no! +Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No. + +01:12:31.597 --> 01:12:34.849 +You were just using me +to get access to that hotel! + +01:12:34.934 --> 01:12:36.142 +No! + +01:12:36.227 --> 01:12:39.813 +Zoey, I'm attracted to you +in a really fucked-up way. + +01:12:40.314 --> 01:12:42.315 +Oh, my God! + +01:12:42.650 --> 01:12:45.193 +I'm canceling that +contract tomorrow! + +01:12:45.653 --> 01:12:47.904 +No, Zoey! What have +I ever done wrong? + +01:12:48.155 --> 01:12:50.156 +You lied to me! + +01:12:50.241 --> 01:12:52.659 +And you're wanted +for war crimes! + +01:12:52.743 --> 01:12:54.327 +That stuff never sticks. + +01:12:54.912 --> 01:12:56.621 +You need to leave now. + +01:12:57.665 --> 01:13:01.126 +You have broken my heart +into Aladeen pieces. + +01:13:23.732 --> 01:13:26.109 +With the signing of the +constitution tomorrow morning, + +01:13:26.193 --> 01:13:28.695 +democracy in Wadiya +is just hours away, + +01:13:28.779 --> 01:13:31.114 +and people are +in the streets celebrating. + +01:13:31.407 --> 01:13:35.452 +Kill Aladeen, +kill Aladeen, hey! + +01:13:39.790 --> 01:13:41.624 +What do you think of +Admiral General Aladeen? + +01:13:41.750 --> 01:13:43.668 +We hate him. We hate him. + +01:13:43.794 --> 01:13:46.296 +You know, +when we think ofhim, we... + +01:13:46.630 --> 01:13:48.965 +We vomit, and we spit +and we don't want him. + +01:13:49.175 --> 01:13:51.301 +What would you say to General +Aladeen ifhe were watching this? + +01:13:51.510 --> 01:13:53.178 +I have a message +forAladeen. + +01:13:53.679 --> 01:13:54.888 +Suevel. + +01:13:55.097 --> 01:13:57.640 +Suevel. Suevel. + +01:14:16.660 --> 01:14:18.244 +- Good-bye! +- Stop, stop, wait! + +01:14:18.329 --> 01:14:19.329 +What are you doing? + +01:14:20.664 --> 01:14:21.664 +How did you find me? + +01:14:22.249 --> 01:14:24.334 +You texted me, like, +seven times. + +01:14:26.253 --> 01:14:27.921 +I am executing myself! + +01:14:28.255 --> 01:14:29.589 +What? Why? + +01:14:29.757 --> 01:14:31.299 +Because no one +has ever loved me! + +01:14:31.675 --> 01:14:33.718 +Your father would +be ashamed of you! + +01:14:33.802 --> 01:14:36.429 +No, I've realized +I don't want to be like my father! + +01:14:36.513 --> 01:14:39.057 +In fact, +I don't want to be a dictator anymore! + +01:14:39.141 --> 01:14:40.308 +What's that now? + +01:14:40.517 --> 01:14:43.311 +I've been on a spiritual journey, +man, like Eat, Pray, Love. + +01:14:44.563 --> 01:14:46.231 +Have you gone insane? + +01:14:46.482 --> 01:14:48.524 +I now know that +on the outside, + +01:14:48.609 --> 01:14:49.984 +I am a bit of +a cocksucker. + +01:14:50.277 --> 01:14:53.154 +- Yeah. +- But deep down I'm nice. + +01:14:53.405 --> 01:14:55.740 +- Not really. +- Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom. + +01:14:56.033 --> 01:14:58.159 +Hard and spiky +on the outside, + +01:14:58.244 --> 01:15:00.328 +but soft and +really mushy on the in. + +01:15:00.537 --> 01:15:03.873 +You're not like +mafroom at all. You're like an onion. + +01:15:04.166 --> 01:15:06.125 +An outer layer +of cocksucker, + +01:15:06.210 --> 01:15:07.627 +and when you +peel it away, + +01:15:07.711 --> 01:15:10.421 +there is 10 more layers +of cocksucker underneath. + +01:15:12.549 --> 01:15:13.883 +You are such a schmuck! + +01:15:14.176 --> 01:15:16.719 +- Why are you speaking Yiddish? +- I picked it up. + +01:15:16.845 --> 01:15:19.305 +What do you mean, +"I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish? + +01:15:19.390 --> 01:15:20.556 +I'm in New York! + +01:15:20.641 --> 01:15:22.892 +We're trying to erase +that country off the map! + +01:15:22.977 --> 01:15:25.061 +I don't like the people, +but I like the way that + +01:15:25.145 --> 01:15:27.814 +their words really sound like +what they're meant to be. + +01:15:27.898 --> 01:15:30.733 +Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the +Evite to your bar mitzvah? + +01:15:30.818 --> 01:15:31.985 +Oh, my God! + +01:15:32.069 --> 01:15:34.112 +You've got real +chutzpah saying that! + +01:15:34.196 --> 01:15:36.406 +Look, where has being +a nice guy gotten you, huh? + +01:15:36.699 --> 01:15:38.908 +Standing on the edge +of a bridge about to commit suicide? + +01:15:38.993 --> 01:15:40.076 +Still wearing Crocs? + +01:15:40.744 --> 01:15:42.161 +What's wrong with Crocs? + +01:15:42.246 --> 01:15:45.248 +They are the universal symbol of a +man who has given up hope! + +01:15:46.375 --> 01:15:48.334 +You might as well +put sweatpants on + +01:15:48.419 --> 01:15:50.336 +and go to Applebee's +for the rest of your life! + +01:15:51.380 --> 01:15:53.339 +I'll give you that one. +I do look ridiculous. + +01:15:53.424 --> 01:15:57.260 +Yes! Listen, if you won't +come down from there for yourself, + +01:15:57.344 --> 01:15:58.594 +do it for your country. + +01:15:58.762 --> 01:16:00.513 +If this constitution +is signed, + +01:16:00.597 --> 01:16:03.808 +there will be free press, +women drivers, civil rights! + +01:16:04.018 --> 01:16:05.101 +What are "civil rights"? + +01:16:05.394 --> 01:16:07.645 +I'll tell you later. +They're hilarious. + +01:16:08.147 --> 01:16:11.607 +Look, you alone can stop +these terrible things from happening. + +01:16:11.900 --> 01:16:14.485 +You are the last +great dictator! + +01:16:14.903 --> 01:16:17.071 +All of the others +are gone! Qaddafi, + +01:16:17.281 --> 01:16:19.782 +Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney. + +01:16:21.827 --> 01:16:23.286 +You are right, Nadal. + +01:16:23.746 --> 01:16:25.830 +I will become +the greatest dictator of all, + +01:16:25.914 --> 01:16:27.915 +the envy of madmen +everywhere! + +01:16:28.125 --> 01:16:29.709 +Yes, Supreme Leader! + +01:16:29.793 --> 01:16:33.171 +From the mountaintops of North Korea +to the jungles of Zimbabwe, + +01:16:33.255 --> 01:16:37.508 +let every child laborer +and sweatshop factory worker sing, + +01:16:37.593 --> 01:16:40.261 +"Oppressed at last! +Oppressed at last! + +01:16:40.637 --> 01:16:43.431 +"Thank Aladeen, +I am oppressed at last!" + +01:16:43.515 --> 01:16:44.682 +Yes! Whoa! + +01:16:44.767 --> 01:16:46.059 +Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! +What are you doing? + +01:16:46.143 --> 01:16:47.518 +- No, no, no, no, don't fall. +- I'm not doing anything. + +01:16:47.603 --> 01:16:50.271 +Just do like a pull-up. +You know how you do pull-ups? + +01:16:50.356 --> 01:16:51.564 +I invented the pull-up. + +01:16:55.861 --> 01:16:58.946 +If you're just joining us, we +are at the Lancaster Hotel, + +01:16:59.031 --> 01:17:00.740 +where in about 20 minutes, + +01:17:02.826 --> 01:17:04.660 +General Aladeen will be signing the +new Wadiyan constitution. + +01:17:04.745 --> 01:17:06.579 +Dignitaries from +around the world + +01:17:06.663 --> 01:17:09.582 +are arriving now to witness +the creation of a democracy + +01:17:09.666 --> 01:17:12.460 +that will undoubtedly change +the political landscape + +01:17:12.544 --> 01:17:14.253 +of the entire region. + +01:17:14.505 --> 01:17:17.507 +As Wadiya goes, +so goes North Africa. + +01:17:24.014 --> 01:17:26.808 +Eddie Norton, next time, +you pee on me. + +01:17:27.101 --> 01:17:28.184 +Whatever. + +01:17:28.519 --> 01:17:30.520 +And tell Viggo Mortensen +he is on my radar. + +01:17:32.981 --> 01:17:35.358 +How do you say, +"Fly is in the soup"? + +01:17:35.442 --> 01:17:37.276 +Gentlemen, Tamir. + +01:17:37.653 --> 01:17:39.779 +Let me introduce you +to my beautiful wife. + +01:17:40.322 --> 01:17:42.740 +Mrs. Lao, it is my +very great pleasure. + +01:17:42.825 --> 01:17:44.992 +No, no, no, no. +She does not speak English. + +01:17:45.077 --> 01:17:46.285 +Watch this. + +01:17:46.995 --> 01:17:48.621 +You ugly horse! + +01:17:49.289 --> 01:17:50.331 +She doesn't know. + +01:17:50.958 --> 01:17:55.128 +"Ohhh." See? +She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch. + +01:17:55.671 --> 01:17:57.338 +Shaved ape. + +01:17:57.923 --> 01:17:58.965 +"Ohhh." + +01:18:12.479 --> 01:18:15.481 +Wait. That is how you intend to get me +across to the Lancaster? + +01:18:15.732 --> 01:18:16.816 +Absolutely. + +01:18:16.900 --> 01:18:18.234 +- Where'd you get that? +- I built it. + +01:18:18.652 --> 01:18:20.903 +When I was going +to assassinate you. + +01:18:21.321 --> 01:18:22.405 +You mean my double. + +01:18:25.075 --> 01:18:26.451 +Sure. Yeah. + +01:18:34.209 --> 01:18:36.127 +Bingo! + +01:18:39.173 --> 01:18:40.173 +Love it! + +01:18:40.257 --> 01:18:41.299 +- Here's what you do. +- Okay. + +01:18:41.383 --> 01:18:44.385 +Zipline across, +kill the double, + +01:18:44.470 --> 01:18:47.054 +and then rip up the constitution in +front of the world's media. + +01:18:47.139 --> 01:18:48.139 +Piece of cake. + +01:19:02.529 --> 01:19:04.780 +Hello, Lancaster! + +01:19:13.749 --> 01:19:15.041 +I don't understand +what has happened. + +01:19:15.125 --> 01:19:17.210 +My calculations +were very precise. + +01:19:17.878 --> 01:19:19.837 +If you lose enough weight, +then the zipline will work. + +01:19:19.922 --> 01:19:21.631 +Do you have anything +in your pockets? + +01:19:21.715 --> 01:19:23.382 +Let me check. + +01:19:26.345 --> 01:19:27.553 +What is that? + +01:19:27.638 --> 01:19:28.930 +It's Vita Coco water. + +01:19:29.556 --> 01:19:31.057 +Why do you have +Vita Coco water? + +01:19:31.141 --> 01:19:33.809 +Because it has +as much potassium as three bananas. + +01:19:33.894 --> 01:19:35.478 +The line is +still too heavy. + +01:19:35.562 --> 01:19:37.980 +Is there anything else in your pockets +that could be weighing you down? + +01:19:39.983 --> 01:19:42.818 +You're kidding. So then why did +you bring three bananas? + +01:19:42.903 --> 01:19:46.531 +Because I don't trust the +advertising. I'm naturally suspicious. + +01:19:47.157 --> 01:19:49.659 +Is there anything else you're +carrying? You're still too heavy. + +01:19:49.743 --> 01:19:50.868 +Just this. + +01:19:52.704 --> 01:19:53.829 +What is that, a brick? + +01:19:53.914 --> 01:19:56.332 +All this time you've had a +brick? Why do you have that? + +01:19:56.416 --> 01:19:58.334 +Well, to balance out +the weight from the other one. + +01:19:58.418 --> 01:19:59.669 +You have two bricks? + +01:19:59.753 --> 01:20:00.795 +Yes! + +01:20:00.879 --> 01:20:02.380 +Throw them down +immediately! + +01:20:06.927 --> 01:20:09.387 +Oh, my God! +There's a little goat eating the wire! + +01:20:12.432 --> 01:20:14.267 +You need to lose +weight immediately! + +01:20:14.601 --> 01:20:17.228 +My pockets are empty. +I could poo. + +01:20:17.604 --> 01:20:19.188 +That won't be enough +to make a difference. + +01:20:19.273 --> 01:20:21.816 +Yes, it will. +I haven't gone since Wadiya. + +01:20:21.900 --> 01:20:24.527 +Losing power +has stopped me up like a cork. + +01:20:24.611 --> 01:20:25.903 +Hurry! + +01:20:25.988 --> 01:20:28.573 +Come on, Supreme Leader! +Make it rain! Make it rain! + +01:20:30.158 --> 01:20:32.410 +It's out! +And it's pointy! + +01:20:33.453 --> 01:20:34.745 +Somebody stop that man! + +01:20:36.582 --> 01:20:37.623 +Yes! + +01:20:38.959 --> 01:20:40.167 +What? No, no, no, no! + +01:20:40.961 --> 01:20:41.961 +No, no, no! + +01:21:06.236 --> 01:21:07.778 +Supreme Leader! + +01:21:11.158 --> 01:21:13.326 +Get out of here +before Tamir kills you. + +01:21:14.077 --> 01:21:15.161 +Who is Tamir? + +01:21:15.579 --> 01:21:16.954 +Tamir... + +01:21:17.039 --> 01:21:19.749 +The bald bastard +who did all these terrible things to us! + +01:21:20.542 --> 01:21:22.251 +I thought +his name was Dennis. + +01:21:23.795 --> 01:21:28.466 +How would you +even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis? + +01:21:29.676 --> 01:21:31.677 +- Go on, get out! Get out! +- Come on, Montzi! + +01:21:31.762 --> 01:21:32.762 +Quick! + +01:21:35.974 --> 01:21:37.516 +Just jump. +It's not that far. + +01:21:38.685 --> 01:21:39.935 +Efawadh. + +01:21:40.020 --> 01:21:41.687 +It is almost time. + +01:21:44.524 --> 01:21:46.859 +I like goats. + +01:21:48.028 --> 01:21:50.488 +I am very stupid. + +01:21:52.407 --> 01:21:54.533 +This is +an historic moment. + +01:21:54.618 --> 01:21:57.453 +Admiral General +Aladeen of Wadiya + +01:21:57.537 --> 01:21:59.038 +is going to be signing + +01:21:59.122 --> 01:22:02.792 +the first democratic +constitution in the history of his nation. + +01:22:02.876 --> 01:22:06.837 +Across the globe, +people are glued to their television sets. + +01:22:06.922 --> 01:22:09.507 +The people of Wadiya +are celebrating + +01:22:09.591 --> 01:22:12.426 +what will be +a new chapter in their country. + +01:22:13.261 --> 01:22:16.180 +Just moments away now +from putting his signature + +01:22:16.264 --> 01:22:18.641 +on the first +democratic constitution. + +01:22:19.393 --> 01:22:22.228 +That's Tamir Mafraad, +Aladeen's trusted advisor, + +01:22:22.312 --> 01:22:25.314 +sharing a lighthearted moment with +Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao. + +01:22:25.399 --> 01:22:27.274 +Any thoughts on +what they might be saying, Mike? + +01:22:27.359 --> 01:22:30.236 +I thought I made out +the words "Harvey Keitel." + +01:22:32.823 --> 01:22:34.448 +Don't know +what that meant. + +01:22:34.533 --> 01:22:37.284 +Maybe they shared +a hot dog together, I'm thinking? + +01:22:37.369 --> 01:22:41.747 +That would make sense. He's wiping the +mustard off his face and chest. + +01:22:41.832 --> 01:22:43.124 +Excuse me! + +01:22:43.208 --> 01:22:44.667 +You have to let me in. +You don't understand. + +01:22:44.751 --> 01:22:46.419 +He's trying to +stop the signing! + +01:22:46.503 --> 01:22:48.045 +Tamir is now speaking. + +01:22:48.130 --> 01:22:49.130 +Today, + +01:22:49.840 --> 01:22:51.590 +we begin a new era. + +01:22:52.134 --> 01:22:55.177 +Wadiya will be +open to the world. + +01:22:55.262 --> 01:22:56.846 +Open to the future. + +01:22:56.930 --> 01:22:58.431 +And open for business. + +01:22:59.933 --> 01:23:03.352 +The document is +ready to be signed, Supreme Leader. + +01:23:11.945 --> 01:23:14.697 +What are you doing? +This man is an imposter! + +01:23:14.781 --> 01:23:19.243 +No! This traitor tried to kill me +and had my beard removed! + +01:23:19.327 --> 01:23:21.537 +Look! + +01:23:21.621 --> 01:23:24.039 +Arrest the viper Tamir! + +01:23:24.124 --> 01:23:25.833 +And now in another + +01:23:25.917 --> 01:23:29.545 +amazing turn of events, +Tamir Mafraad is being taken away. + +01:23:29.629 --> 01:23:32.173 +This constitution + +01:23:32.257 --> 01:23:34.925 +is nothing +but a license for oil companies + +01:23:35.010 --> 01:23:38.512 +and foreign interests +to destroy my beloved Wadiya! + +01:23:38.597 --> 01:23:42.266 +Wadiya will remain +a dictatorship! + +01:23:52.027 --> 01:23:53.402 +Oh, be quiet. + +01:23:53.779 --> 01:23:56.781 +Why are you guys +so anti dictators? + +01:23:57.032 --> 01:23:59.867 +Imagine if America +was a dictatorship. + +01:24:00.243 --> 01:24:04.455 +You could let 1% of the people +have all the nation's wealth. + +01:24:04.790 --> 01:24:06.248 +You could help +your rich friends + +01:24:06.333 --> 01:24:08.876 +get richer by +cutting their taxes + +01:24:08.960 --> 01:24:12.213 +and bailing them out +when they gamble and lose. + +01:24:12.672 --> 01:24:16.967 +You could ignore the needs of the poor +for health care and education. + +01:24:17.052 --> 01:24:18.719 +Your media +would appear free + +01:24:18.804 --> 01:24:22.932 +but would secretly be controlled +by one person and his family. + +01:24:23.016 --> 01:24:27.269 +You could wiretap phones, +you could torture foreign prisoners. + +01:24:27.354 --> 01:24:29.522 +You could have +rigged elections. + +01:24:29.606 --> 01:24:31.690 +You could lie about +why you go to war. + +01:24:32.234 --> 01:24:34.026 +You could fill your prisons + +01:24:34.110 --> 01:24:37.738 +with one particular racial group +and no one would complain! + +01:24:38.073 --> 01:24:41.450 +You could use the media +to scare the people + +01:24:41.535 --> 01:24:45.454 +into supporting policies +that are against their interests. + +01:24:45.539 --> 01:24:48.916 +I know this is hard +for you Americans to imagine, + +01:24:49.000 --> 01:24:50.960 +but please try. + +01:24:51.044 --> 01:24:53.295 +I will tell you +what democracy is! + +01:24:53.713 --> 01:24:55.840 +Democracy is the worst! + +01:24:55.924 --> 01:24:58.843 +Endless talking +and listening to every stupid opinion! + +01:24:58.927 --> 01:25:01.011 +And everybody's +vote counts, + +01:25:01.096 --> 01:25:04.765 +no matter how +crippled or black or female they are. + +01:25:05.684 --> 01:25:07.059 +Democracy... + +01:25:13.817 --> 01:25:15.109 +Democracy + +01:25:16.486 --> 01:25:20.614 +has hairy armpits +and could lose five pounds. + +01:25:21.825 --> 01:25:25.119 +Democracy looks like +a midget in a chemo wig. + +01:25:26.496 --> 01:25:29.915 +Democracy, your mother +called the other day + +01:25:30.041 --> 01:25:31.166 +and I forgot to +give you the message. + +01:25:31.293 --> 01:25:35.379 +It was something very important +about your grandmother. + +01:25:37.090 --> 01:25:39.717 +Democracy kisses you +because she wants to, + +01:25:39.801 --> 01:25:43.679 +not because her father +is in the next room chained to a radiator + +01:25:43.763 --> 01:25:45.890 +with electrodes +attached to his nipples. + +01:25:46.725 --> 01:25:51.061 +Democracy is flawed! +She is not perfect! + +01:25:51.730 --> 01:25:53.230 +But democracy, + +01:25:56.776 --> 01:25:57.776 I love you. -01:38:27.444 --> 01:38:31.823 -Oh, God, -forgive me, I do. +01:25:58.903 --> 01:26:01.989 +And that is +why I call for real democracy! -01:38:50.425 --> 01:38:53.053 -I want to be -what you are, +01:26:02.073 --> 01:26:03.866 +A real constitution! -01:38:53.219 --> 01:38:54.554 -see what you see, +01:26:03.950 --> 01:26:05.909 +And real elections +in Wadiya! -01:38:54.721 --> 01:38:56.640 -love what you love. +01:26:12.542 --> 01:26:14.543 +Oh, no! -01:38:58.099 --> 01:39:00.101 -Mina... +01:26:15.420 --> 01:26:16.587 +Come on! -01:39:00.268 --> 01:39:02.812 -to walk with me, +01:26:23.470 --> 01:26:26.639 +Democracy, +I will make you one of my wives. -01:39:02.979 --> 01:39:06.191 -you must die -to your breathing life +01:26:27.724 --> 01:26:30.142 +Okay, only wife. +We'll vote on it. -01:39:06.358 --> 01:39:09.486 -and be reborn to mine. +01:26:30.769 --> 01:26:32.686 +I'll shave +my armpits for you. -01:39:09.653 --> 01:39:12.864 -You are my love +01:26:32.771 --> 01:26:34.855 +Praise be to the Creator! -01:39:13.031 --> 01:39:15.659 -and my life always. +01:26:34.939 --> 01:26:37.358 +And please stop using +that organic deodorant. -01:39:23.625 --> 01:39:27.921 -Then I give you -life eternal... +01:26:37.442 --> 01:26:39.652 +You could gas the Kurds +with that stench. -01:39:29.714 --> 01:39:31.716 -everlasting love... +01:27:06.805 --> 01:27:08.722 +You died +protecting me, Efawadh. -01:39:33.259 --> 01:39:37.055 -The power of the storm +01:27:09.474 --> 01:27:10.474 +Hello! -01:39:37.222 --> 01:39:40.892 -and the beasts of the earth. +01:27:10.767 --> 01:27:11.767 +You are alive? -01:39:41.059 --> 01:39:43.228 -Walk with me +01:27:11.976 --> 01:27:14.937 +Of course! +It is my job to be shot in the head. -01:39:43.395 --> 01:39:47.065 -to be my loving wife forever. +01:27:18.608 --> 01:27:20.484 +- Is he okay? +- He's fine. -01:39:47.232 --> 01:39:50.026 -I will. Yes. Yes. +01:27:20.568 --> 01:27:23.153 +Luckily the bullet +hit him in the brain. -01:40:18.763 --> 01:40:24.019 -Mina, drink and join me +01:27:24.280 --> 01:27:26.115 +So, -01:40:25.103 --> 01:40:27.564 -in eternal life. +01:27:27.575 --> 01:27:28.617 +what now? -01:40:40.869 --> 01:40:42.620 -No. +01:27:28.910 --> 01:27:32.246 +I return to Wadiya +to participate in fair elections. -01:40:42.787 --> 01:40:44.247 -I cannot let this be. +01:27:44.217 --> 01:27:47.761 +Let's now look back +at the wonderful events of the past year. -01:40:45.915 --> 01:40:49.210 -Please, I don't care. -Make me yours. +01:27:47.846 --> 01:27:50.639 +After Wadiya's +first free elections, -01:40:49.377 --> 01:40:53.423 -You will be cursed as I am -to walk in the shadow of death +01:27:50.724 --> 01:27:53.684 +President Prime Minister +Admiral General Aladeen -01:40:53.590 --> 01:40:55.300 -for all eternity. +01:27:53.768 --> 01:27:56.353 +won 98. 8% of the vote. -01:40:55.467 --> 01:41:00.221 -I love you too much +01:27:58.898 --> 01:28:02.484 +But the big story today is the +marriage of President Prime Minister -01:41:00.388 --> 01:41:01.806 -to condemn you. +01:28:02.569 --> 01:28:06.321 +Admiral General Aladeen +and his new bride, Zoey. -01:41:01.973 --> 01:41:07.103 -Then take me away -from all this death. +01:28:10.577 --> 01:28:13.203 +I now pronounce you +man and wife. -01:41:53.024 --> 01:41:54.526 -Mina! +01:28:23.047 --> 01:28:25.257 +Are you okay, my love? +What did you step on? -01:42:04.369 --> 01:42:07.664 -You think you can destroy me +01:28:25.341 --> 01:28:26.633 +Oh, yes! No, no. -01:42:07.831 --> 01:42:10.166 -with your idols? +01:28:26.718 --> 01:28:30.387 +It's my people's tradition. +We always smash a glass at weddings. -01:42:13.128 --> 01:42:15.755 -Sacred blood of Christ! +01:28:30.472 --> 01:28:32.306 +- I'm Jewish! +- What? -01:42:15.922 --> 01:42:18.842 -I, who served the cross. +01:28:32.390 --> 01:28:33.682 +Mazel tov! -01:42:19.008 --> 01:42:21.344 -I, who commanded nations +01:28:38.688 --> 01:28:39.730 +Are you okay? -01:42:21.511 --> 01:42:24.514 -hundreds of years -before you were born. +01:28:40.732 --> 01:28:43.400 +That's fine. +I don't mind. It's great! -01:42:24.681 --> 01:42:26.683 -Your armies were defeated. +01:28:43.860 --> 01:28:45.569 +Come here, my love. -01:42:26.850 --> 01:42:30.728 -You tortured and impaled -thousands of people. +01:29:05.298 --> 01:29:07.174 +Jachnoon, President +Prime Minister Aladeen. -01:42:30.895 --> 01:42:34.065 -I was betrayed. +01:29:07.258 --> 01:29:10.552 +Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back +at the palace in an hour. -01:42:34.232 --> 01:42:37.152 -Look what your God +01:29:10.637 --> 01:29:12.930 +Zoey thinks I'm at yoga. -01:42:37.318 --> 01:42:40.071 -has done to me. +01:29:13.348 --> 01:29:14.348 +I have great news. -01:42:40.238 --> 01:42:43.199 -No, your war with God is over. -You must pay for your crimes. +01:29:14.432 --> 01:29:17.226 +We are just days +away from testing the new missiles. -01:42:48.663 --> 01:42:49.914 -Christ compels you! +01:29:17.310 --> 01:29:19.269 +I have re-engineered +the oxidizing ducts -01:42:50.081 --> 01:42:53.585 -She is now +01:29:19.354 --> 01:29:20.813 +and the payload +delivery systems. -01:42:53.751 --> 01:42:57.005 -my bride! +01:29:20.897 --> 01:29:25.609 +But you'll be happy to know, +the missile is now pointy! -01:42:57.172 --> 01:42:58.423 -No! +01:29:26.861 --> 01:29:28.821 +Who cares if it's pointy? -01:42:58.756 --> 01:42:59.841 -No! +01:29:28.905 --> 01:29:30.072 +What? -01:43:01.718 --> 01:43:02.969 -More light! +01:29:30.573 --> 01:29:32.866 +You do. +You care if it's pointy. -01:43:04.762 --> 01:43:08.099 -Light! More light! +01:29:32.951 --> 01:29:34.618 +Why would I care +about such a trivial detail? -01:43:15.773 --> 01:43:17.025 -Unclean. +01:29:34.702 --> 01:29:36.954 +Are you serious? +Are you serious right now? -01:43:17.775 --> 01:43:18.902 -Unclean. +01:29:37.038 --> 01:29:38.038 +Of course I'm serious. -01:43:20.153 --> 01:43:21.279 -- Get them! -- This way! +01:29:38.122 --> 01:29:39.581 +That's why you +had me executed! -01:43:21.446 --> 01:43:22.780 -- Get them! -- They must be found. +01:29:39.666 --> 01:29:42.960 +The shape of the missile has nothing to +do with the payload delivery. -01:43:23.072 --> 01:43:24.115 -Unclean. +01:29:43.044 --> 01:29:45.462 +That's what I said! +That's what I said the first time! -01:43:24.282 --> 01:43:26.618 -We have learned something much. +01:29:45.547 --> 01:29:46.964 +No, that's what I said, +and you went crazy. -01:43:26.784 --> 01:43:30.538 -Dracula fears us. -He fears time. +01:29:47.048 --> 01:29:49.258 +No! You said +Professor Popeye this... -01:43:30.705 --> 01:43:33.791 -For, if not, -why does he hurry so? +01:29:49.425 --> 01:29:51.176 +Professor Popeye +is a cartoon. -01:43:33.958 --> 01:43:36.711 -He is gone. +01:29:51.302 --> 01:29:52.553 +No, I know this! -01:43:36.878 --> 01:43:39.130 -How do you know? +01:29:57.225 --> 01:30:00.394 +So, we're opening +300 Women's Centers, -01:43:39.297 --> 01:43:42.091 -He speaks to me. +01:30:00.645 --> 01:30:04.565 +but I'm going to have to take a +break for a little bit because -01:43:43.176 --> 01:43:45.637 -He has a strong -mind connection to you. +01:30:05.233 --> 01:30:06.608 +I'm pregnant. -01:43:47.722 --> 01:43:50.642 -His heart was strong enough -to survive the grave. +01:30:06.693 --> 01:30:07.860 +What? -01:43:51.935 --> 01:43:55.021 -You admire him. -Ja. +01:30:11.573 --> 01:30:14.074 +Are you having a boy +or an abortion? -01:43:55.188 --> 01:43:59.484 -He was, in life, -a most remarkable man, +01:30:37.640 --> 01:30:38.682 +Hello, gentlemen. +How you doin'? -01:43:59.651 --> 01:44:02.320 -and his mind -was great and powerful, +01:30:38.766 --> 01:30:40.309 +Are you guys friends +of the deceased? -01:44:02.487 --> 01:44:05.448 -but greater is the necessity -to stamp him out +01:30:40.393 --> 01:30:43.186 +Do you want me to say this +in front of his widow? -01:44:05.615 --> 01:44:07.492 -and destroy him utterly. +01:30:43.271 --> 01:30:44.313 +I was his lover. -01:44:08.660 --> 01:44:10.578 -Doctor? -Ja? +01:30:44.397 --> 01:30:45.898 +No. That is +not true. -01:44:13.623 --> 01:44:17.293 -I know that I am -becoming like him. +01:30:46.316 --> 01:30:48.317 +I saw him perform +with the Globetrotters. -01:44:17.460 --> 01:44:20.838 -Your salvation -is his destruction. +01:30:48.401 --> 01:30:50.903 +I thought +he was outstanding. I befriended him. -01:44:21.005 --> 01:44:24.717 -That is why -I want to hypnotize you. +01:30:50.987 --> 01:30:53.113 +No, it's +a different person. -01:44:24.884 --> 01:44:28.846 -I want you to help me find him, -Mina, before it is too late. +01:30:53.197 --> 01:30:56.533 +His message +of don't worry and being happy -01:44:29.013 --> 01:44:32.517 -Please help me find him. -Please. +01:30:56.618 --> 01:30:57.784 +was so powerful. -01:44:32.684 --> 01:44:35.061 -Look into this light, +01:30:57.869 --> 01:31:00.120 +No, this is +Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside. -01:44:35.228 --> 01:44:37.939 -the light of all light, -into this flame. +01:31:00.204 --> 01:31:02.456 +Whatever the scandal +you went through, -01:44:39.023 --> 01:44:40.942 -Your eyes are heavy. +01:31:02.540 --> 01:31:04.374 +you're still +the best golfer in the world. -01:44:42.610 --> 01:44:45.321 -You want to sleep. -Sleep now. +01:31:04.459 --> 01:31:05.626 +Let's go. -01:44:47.907 --> 01:44:48.950 -Sleep. +01:31:07.170 --> 01:31:08.545 +O-M-G. -01:44:49.784 --> 01:44:52.120 -I must go to him. +01:31:09.631 --> 01:31:11.006 +Oh, my God. -01:44:52.287 --> 01:44:54.622 -He calls. +01:31:13.926 --> 01:31:19.640 +Oh, my... -01:44:54.789 --> 01:44:56.207 -What do you hear? +01:31:25.980 --> 01:31:27.105 +Zoey. -01:44:58.543 --> 01:45:00.962 -What do you hear, -child? +01:31:28.608 --> 01:31:30.817 +That's some good head! -01:45:02.046 --> 01:45:04.674 -What do you hear? +01:31:33.071 --> 01:31:35.197 +That is called payback +and it feels so good! -01:45:04.841 --> 01:45:08.886 -Oh, my prince is calling me. +01:31:35.281 --> 01:31:37.574 +How did it feel for you? +How did it feel for you? -01:45:09.053 --> 01:45:13.599 -He is traveling across icy seas -to his beloved home. +01:31:37.659 --> 01:31:39.451 +I prefer it with goats. -01:45:13.766 --> 01:45:16.894 -There he will grow strong again. +01:31:40.161 --> 01:31:41.703 +Where is +the Supreme Leader? -01:45:17.061 --> 01:45:20.732 -I am coming to him -to partake of his strength. +01:31:41.788 --> 01:31:42.788 +No, no. -01:45:26.529 --> 01:45:27.989 -We left London by train +01:31:42.872 --> 01:31:45.290 +Now that is +called payback! -01:45:28.156 --> 01:45:31.367 -and crossed the English Channel -that night in stormy seas, +01:31:45.500 --> 01:31:46.833 +Oh, great! -01:45:31.534 --> 01:45:34.579 -no doubt from the passage -of the count's ship. +01:31:52.256 --> 01:31:55.300 +Don't touch it. +Don't touch it. -01:45:34.746 --> 01:45:39.125 -He commands the winds, -but we still have the advantage. +01:31:55.760 --> 01:31:57.094 +You don't have +to touch it. -01:45:39.292 --> 01:45:42.920 -By train, we can reach the Romanian -port at Varna in three days. +01:31:57.178 --> 01:31:58.220 +Sorry. I was... -01:45:43.087 --> 01:45:45.757 -By ship, it will take him -at least a week. +01:31:58.304 --> 01:32:00.138 +Just give us... +We don't... -01:45:47.258 --> 01:45:50.261 -From Paris, we traveled -through the Alps to Budapest. - -01:45:50.428 --> 01:45:53.014 -The count must sail around -the Rock of Gibraltar, - -01:45:53.181 --> 01:45:54.932 -where we have posted a lookout, - -01:45:55.099 --> 01:45:57.852 -and then on to the -Black Sea port in Varna, - -01:45:58.019 --> 01:46:01.314 -where we will meet his ship -and burn it into the sea. - -01:46:07.403 --> 01:46:10.531 -Home. Home. - -01:46:20.291 --> 01:46:23.002 -The vampire's baptized her -with his own blood, - -01:46:23.169 --> 01:46:25.254 -and her blood is dying, -my friend. - -01:46:25.421 --> 01:46:27.298 -It is no use. - -01:46:37.350 --> 01:46:38.434 -Mina. - -01:46:39.727 --> 01:46:42.980 -I will not let you go -into the unknown alone. - -01:46:43.147 --> 01:46:47.360 -Oh, my poor, -dear Jonathan. - -01:46:47.527 --> 01:46:50.238 -Oh, what have -I done to you? - -01:46:51.948 --> 01:46:55.118 -No, no, I have done this -to both of us. - -01:46:55.284 --> 01:46:57.495 -I can hear him. -He's coming closer. - -01:46:57.662 --> 01:46:59.539 -He's calling me to him. - -01:47:00.415 --> 01:47:03.000 -Mina. Mina. - -01:47:04.335 --> 01:47:06.712 -Stay with me. Please. - -01:47:06.879 --> 01:47:08.798 -I am so cold. - -01:47:21.102 --> 01:47:22.478 -All aboard! - -01:47:22.645 --> 01:47:26.315 -Noon. Holmwood received -a wire from his clerk at Lloyd's. - -01:47:26.482 --> 01:47:29.485 -The count's ship sailed -past us in the night fog, - -01:47:29.652 --> 01:47:31.487 -to the northern port of Galatz. - -01:47:31.654 --> 01:47:34.824 -The black devil -is reading Miner's mind. - -01:47:34.991 --> 01:47:37.493 -How can we -catch him now? - -01:47:45.460 --> 01:47:47.879 -Varna. Galatz. - -01:47:48.045 --> 01:47:49.714 -It's about 200 miles. - -01:47:49.881 --> 01:47:52.049 -I think that with the horses, -we can cut him off, - -01:47:52.216 --> 01:47:54.051 -reach him before -he reaches the castle. - -01:47:54.218 --> 01:47:57.221 -I will dispatch Van Helsing -straight for the Borgo Pass. - -01:47:57.388 --> 01:47:58.890 -If we fail in our task, - -01:47:59.056 --> 01:48:00.933 -you will have to finish him. - -01:48:05.813 --> 01:48:09.066 -From Varna, Mina and -Van Helsing took a carriage, - -01:48:09.233 --> 01:48:11.944 -and we continued -on the train towards Galatz, - -01:48:12.111 --> 01:48:15.907 -where we still hoped to intercept -the count before he reaches land. - -01:48:16.073 --> 01:48:20.828 -I am fearful for Mina. -She is now our decoy. - -01:48:33.257 --> 01:48:35.051 -I know this place. - -01:48:35.218 --> 01:48:37.929 -- The end of the world. -- We must go on. - -01:48:38.095 --> 01:48:39.931 -It is late, child. -We must rest here now. - -01:48:40.097 --> 01:48:42.558 -No, we must go! -Mina! - -01:48:42.725 --> 01:48:44.352 -He needs me. We must go! -Mina! - -01:48:48.856 --> 01:48:50.733 -We are past Bistritza. - -01:48:50.900 --> 01:48:53.569 -Dracula has outsmarted us again. - -01:48:53.736 --> 01:48:57.448 -We learned that his gypsies took -charge of the vampire's box at Galatz - -01:48:57.615 --> 01:49:00.201 -and are now on -the Borgo Pass road. - -01:49:17.134 --> 01:49:20.555 -Here. You must eat. -I am not hungry. - -01:49:24.308 --> 01:49:25.810 -Mina? - -01:50:12.773 --> 01:50:15.776 -You have been so good -to me, professor. - -01:50:25.369 --> 01:50:29.206 -I know that Lucy harbored -secret desires for you. - -01:50:29.373 --> 01:50:31.751 -She told me. - -01:50:31.917 --> 01:50:34.962 -I, too, know -what men desire. - -01:50:51.604 --> 01:50:53.481 -Will you cut off my head - -01:50:53.648 --> 01:50:55.566 -and drive a stake -through my heart, - -01:50:55.733 --> 01:50:59.070 -as you did poor Lucy, -you murdering bastard? - -01:51:03.157 --> 01:51:06.619 -Not while I live. -I am sworn to protect you. - -01:51:21.509 --> 01:51:23.052 -No! - -01:51:23.386 --> 01:51:25.805 -You are safe -within the circle. - -01:51:25.971 --> 01:51:29.475 -I've lost Lucy. -I'll not lose you to him. - -01:51:29.642 --> 01:51:30.976 -You're whores of Satan! - -01:51:35.272 --> 01:51:37.233 -This is holy ground. - -01:51:37.400 --> 01:51:39.235 -Leave this place now! - -01:51:41.237 --> 01:51:43.280 -Leave! - -01:51:43.948 --> 01:51:46.659 -In the name of God, -leave this ground! - -01:51:46.826 --> 01:51:48.703 -I command you -in the name of Christ! - -01:51:53.874 --> 01:51:55.418 -No! - -01:51:56.836 --> 01:51:58.379 -No! - -01:52:00.798 --> 01:52:03.718 -Christ! Damn you! - -01:52:40.838 --> 01:52:42.798 -Dracul! - -01:52:45.050 --> 01:52:46.802 -Dracul! - -01:53:19.335 --> 01:53:21.378 -Mina. - -01:53:21.545 --> 01:53:23.589 -You are - -01:53:23.756 --> 01:53:26.050 -near. - -01:53:26.217 --> 01:53:28.135 -My love. - -01:53:40.231 --> 01:53:41.607 -They're racing -against the sunset. - -01:53:41.774 --> 01:53:43.651 -It may be too late. -God help us. - -01:54:15.933 --> 01:54:16.976 -Mina. - -01:54:25.192 --> 01:54:26.569 -Harker, shoot! - -01:54:35.327 --> 01:54:37.037 -Charge! - -01:55:20.247 --> 01:55:22.124 -Harker! - -01:55:44.521 --> 01:55:45.814 -Harker! - -01:56:34.071 --> 01:56:35.114 -No! - -01:56:41.286 --> 01:56:42.371 -Mina. - -01:57:00.431 --> 01:57:01.473 -Quincey! - -01:57:05.894 --> 01:57:07.479 -No! - -01:57:11.775 --> 01:57:13.444 -No. - -01:57:18.699 --> 01:57:21.326 -When my time comes, -will you do the same to me? - -01:57:24.496 --> 01:57:25.581 -Will you? - -01:57:29.418 --> 01:57:30.461 -No. - -01:57:32.087 --> 01:57:33.505 -- Wait. -- No! Let them go. - -01:57:33.672 --> 01:57:37.509 -Let them go. -Our work is finished here. - -01:57:38.302 --> 01:57:39.928 -Hers has just begun. - -01:57:50.606 --> 01:57:51.648 -Quincey. - -01:57:58.155 --> 01:58:00.199 -Oh, no. - -01:58:04.119 --> 01:58:06.830 -We've all become -God's madmen. - -01:58:09.333 --> 01:58:11.251 -All of us. - -01:58:20.511 --> 01:58:24.306 -Where is my God? - -01:58:24.473 --> 01:58:27.684 -He has forsaken me. - -01:58:33.899 --> 01:58:36.527 -It is finished. - -01:58:36.693 --> 01:58:38.237 -No. - -01:58:38.529 --> 01:58:41.156 -Oh, my love. - -01:58:45.494 --> 01:58:46.829 -My love. - -01:58:55.170 --> 01:58:57.589 -There, in the presence of God, - -01:58:57.756 --> 01:59:00.676 -I understood at last -how my love could release us all - -01:59:00.843 --> 01:59:02.719 -from the powers of darkness. - -01:59:09.059 --> 01:59:11.645 -Our love is stronger than death. - -01:59:19.862 --> 01:59:22.739 -Give me peace. +01:32:00.223 --> 01:38:41.039 +Just give me +a couple of millimeters to myself.