diff --git a/files/assets/subtitles.vtt b/files/assets/subtitles.vtt index 0384e48b0..43e265f99 100644 --- a/files/assets/subtitles.vtt +++ b/files/assets/subtitles.vtt @@ -1,3975 +1,6195 @@ WEBVTT -00:00:10.867 --> 00:00:11.833 -HEY, YEAH. +00:00:02.501 --> 00:00:03.832 +Alpa chino! -00:00:11.900 --> 00:00:13.300 -THE 1960S? +00:00:03.936 --> 00:00:07.069 +We're loaded I love +the pussy, hell, yeah -00:00:13.367 --> 00:00:16.333 -HAPPY TIMES, -HEAVY TIMES. +00:00:07.172 --> 00:00:08.571 +I love the pussy, hell, yeah -00:00:29.867 --> 00:00:32.467 -ALL RIGHT, SO YOU GET YOUR -DAUGHTER, RIGHT? +00:00:08.674 --> 00:00:11.336 +I love that pussy +dripping down to the floor, oh, no -00:00:32.533 --> 00:00:33.867 -SHE MIGHT BE CATHOLIC, +00:00:11.443 --> 00:00:13.934 +the wettest pussy, hell, yeah +I love the pussy, hell, yeah -00:00:33.933 --> 00:00:35.567 -SHE MIGHT BE JEWISH, -SHE MIGHT BE ANYTHING. +00:00:14.046 --> 00:00:17.140 +I'm drinking up +your Booty sweat and busting a nut -00:00:35.633 --> 00:00:38.067 -SO YOU BRING HER UP -ON WHAT THEY CALL, +00:00:17.249 --> 00:00:19.012 +alpa chino got that pussy control -00:00:38.133 --> 00:00:41.233 -THE BOURGEOIS AMERICAN -TYPE SOCIETY FAMILY, YOU KNOW, +00:00:19.118 --> 00:00:21.018 +alpa chino's Booty sweat. -00:00:41.300 --> 00:00:43.967 -YOU BRING 'EM UP SO THEY DON'T -SCREW UNTIL THEY GET MARRIED, +00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:22.553 +Pop an ass open! -00:00:44.033 --> 00:00:45.833 -YOU TAKE 'EM TO CHURCH -ON SUNDAY, +00:00:22.655 --> 00:00:26.147 +Booty sweat and bust-a-nut bars +available at concessions now. -00:00:45.900 --> 00:00:47.567 -YOU TEACH 'EM -ALL YOU CAN +00:00:30.262 --> 00:00:34.392 +In 2013, when the earth's rotation +came to a halt... -00:00:47.633 --> 00:00:50.067 -WHAT YOU--YOU THINK -YOU CAN TEACH 'EM ABOUT +00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:38.061 +The president has declared +all of north America a disaster area. -00:00:50.133 --> 00:00:53.733 -HOW TO BRING UP A FAMILY, -HOW YOU SHOULD LOOK AND ACT, +00:00:38.170 --> 00:00:40.866 +I call on my fellow Americans +to come together... -00:00:53.800 --> 00:00:56.000 -AND THEN YOU SEND 'EM TO -COLLEGE, YOU BUST YOUR HUMP, +00:00:40.973 --> 00:00:45.000 +The world called on the one man +who could make a difference. -00:00:56.067 --> 00:00:59.067 -NO GOVERNMENT SUBSIDY, -NOBODY'S PAYIN' NOTHIN'. +00:00:49.048 --> 00:00:53.075 +When it happened again, +the world called on him once more. -00:00:59.133 --> 00:01:01.700 -YOU SAVE YOUR MONEY, -OR YOU BORROW THE MONEY, +00:00:54.486 --> 00:01:00.356 +And no one saw it coming +three more times! -00:01:01.767 --> 00:01:04.067 -YOU WORK OVERTIME, -YOU SEND HER TO COLLEGE. +00:01:02.895 --> 00:01:04.556 +Now, -00:01:04.100 --> 00:01:05.867 -YOU WANT HER TO GET -AN EDUCATION. +00:01:04.663 --> 00:01:08.599 +the one man who made a difference +five times before, -00:01:05.933 --> 00:01:08.067 -THEN FIRST EASTER -SHE COMES HOME +00:01:11.036 --> 00:01:15.405 +is about to make a difference again. -00:01:08.133 --> 00:01:10.500 -ON A VACATION, SHE SAYS, -"DAD, I'M LIVIN' +00:01:16.141 --> 00:01:20.237 +Only this time, it's different. -00:01:10.567 --> 00:01:11.700 -WITH SOME GUY." +00:01:22.081 --> 00:01:23.708 +Who left the fridge open? -00:01:11.767 --> 00:01:13.067 -"YOU LIVIN' WITH SOME GUY? +00:01:25.150 --> 00:01:27.084 +Tugg speedman. -00:01:13.067 --> 00:01:14.867 -WHAT DO YOU MEAN -YOU'RE LIVIN' WITH SOME GUY?" +00:01:27.186 --> 00:01:31.953 +Scorcher vl: Global meltdown. -00:01:14.933 --> 00:01:17.100 -WELL, THIS IS THE THING NOW. -FREE LOVE. +00:01:32.057 --> 00:01:33.820 +Here we go again. -00:01:17.167 --> 00:01:19.300 -WE'RE GETTIN' AWAY -FROM THE ORIGINAL POINT. +00:01:35.361 --> 00:01:36.361 +Again. -00:01:19.367 --> 00:01:22.700 -WHAT WE'RE TRYIN' TO FIND IS WHY -ARE THESE BASTARDS RIOTING. +00:01:44.970 --> 00:01:47.837 +Will there be anything else? -00:01:22.767 --> 00:01:24.467 -BECAUSE THEY DID DOPE. +00:01:47.940 --> 00:01:51.137 +Yes, my dear man. More beans. -00:01:24.533 --> 00:01:26.767 -LISTEN, YOU'RE GOING -IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. +00:01:52.945 --> 00:01:55.106 +Granny! -00:01:26.833 --> 00:01:27.867 -WHAT OF IT? +00:01:57.049 --> 00:01:58.209 +Please! -00:01:27.933 --> 00:01:29.733 -WHAT HAPPENS IS LOOK, -I'M SENDING YOU SCHOOL, +00:01:58.317 --> 00:02:03.277 +This summer, +America's favorite obese family is back. -00:01:29.800 --> 00:01:32.300 -I'M BREAKING MY ASS ON SENDING -YOU TO COLLEGE, RIGHT? +00:02:06.158 --> 00:02:07.716 +Gross! -00:01:32.367 --> 00:01:33.733 -I EXPECT YOU'RE GOING -TO LEARN SOMETHING. +00:02:07.826 --> 00:02:09.851 +- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. +- Am not! -00:01:33.800 --> 00:01:37.133 -WHY BE A JANITOR, -LEARN SOMETHING. +00:02:10.429 --> 00:02:11.919 +Jeff portnoy. -00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:38.967 -JUSTIFY -MY INVESTMENT IN YOU. +00:02:12.598 --> 00:02:14.065 +Jeff portnoy. -00:01:39.067 --> 00:01:40.867 -BUT SOME OF THESE PEOPLE -REVEL IN THE FACT +00:02:14.666 --> 00:02:16.156 +Jeff portnoy. -00:01:40.933 --> 00:01:43.300 -THAT THESE KIDS -ARE LEADERS, ARE RABBLE-ROUSERS, +00:02:16.268 --> 00:02:22.366 +And Jeff portnoy are +the fatties: Fart two. -00:01:43.367 --> 00:01:46.933 -THIS SON OF A BITCH JUST -STARTED A RIOT. +00:02:22.474 --> 00:02:24.305 +In some countries, -00:01:47.067 --> 00:01:49.533 -THESE KIDS THINK -THEY'RE THE FIRST GENERATION +00:02:25.511 --> 00:02:27.138 +it's considered a compliment. -00:01:49.600 --> 00:01:51.800 -THAT EVER SCREWED -BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED. +00:02:27.246 --> 00:02:30.443 +Letting loose this summer. -00:01:51.867 --> 00:01:52.800 -WE ALL DID. +00:02:39.725 --> 00:02:45.459 +In a time where to be different +was to be condemned, -00:01:52.867 --> 00:01:54.267 -BUT WE ALWAYS HAD -ONE GIRL. +00:02:59.211 --> 00:03:03.910 +and to be condemned was to die, -00:01:54.333 --> 00:01:56.667 -SHE SCREWED, -THAT GIRL YOU TOOK OUT. +00:03:08.153 --> 00:03:12.214 +one man chose to question his God. -00:01:56.733 --> 00:01:58.667 -IT'S BETTER OFF -THESE KIDS DON'T GET MARRIED, +00:03:16.195 --> 00:03:17.890 +From fox searchlight, -00:01:58.733 --> 00:02:00.667 -BECAUSE IF THEY GET MARRIED, -THEY HAVEN'T GOT THE GUTS +00:03:26.738 --> 00:03:29.969 +five-time academy award winner +kirk Lazarus -00:02:00.733 --> 00:02:02.167 -TO STICK WITH IT. +00:03:31.076 --> 00:03:35.410 +and mtv movie award +best kiss winner tobey Maguire. -00:02:45.233 --> 00:02:46.533 -HEY, YOU FUCKING -INTELLECTUALS. +00:03:41.787 --> 00:03:46.315 +Winner of the Beijing film festival's +coveted crying monkey award, -00:02:46.600 --> 00:02:48.667 -YOU THINK -YOU'RE SO WHERE IT'S AT +00:03:47.526 --> 00:03:49.517 +Satan's alley. -00:02:48.733 --> 00:02:49.900 -BEFORE YOU FILL YOUR MINDS +00:03:54.032 --> 00:03:56.557 +I've been a bad, bad boy, father. -00:02:49.967 --> 00:02:50.900 -WITH ANY JUNK +00:04:32.070 --> 00:04:34.868 +In the winter of 1969, -00:02:50.967 --> 00:02:52.267 -BETTER LISTEN TO FRITZ THE CAT +00:04:34.973 --> 00:04:36.998 +an elite force of the U.S. army -00:02:52.333 --> 00:02:53.800 -'CAUSE WRITERS AND POETS -AND ARTISTS +00:04:37.109 --> 00:04:41.978 +was sent on a top-secret assignment +in southeast Vietnam. -00:02:53.867 --> 00:02:56.067 -IT'S YOUR DUTY -TO LIVE LIFE TO THE MOST +00:04:42.080 --> 00:04:44.844 +The objective, +rescue sergeant four leaf tayback -00:02:56.133 --> 00:02:57.067 -SO FLY OUT, BROTHERS, +00:04:44.950 --> 00:04:48.010 +from a heavily guarded +nva prison camp. -00:02:57.133 --> 00:02:58.067 -AND CHECK OUT THE WORLD +00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:51.214 +The mission was considered +to be near suicide. -00:02:58.133 --> 00:02:59.433 -GIVE ME A RIDE TO THE COAST +00:04:52.524 --> 00:04:55.823 +Of the 10 men sent, four returned. -00:02:59.500 --> 00:03:00.533 -FRITZ THE CAT +00:04:55.928 --> 00:04:59.364 +Of those four, three wrote books +about what happened. -00:03:00.600 --> 00:03:01.900 -HE FOUGHT MANY A GOOD MAN +00:04:59.464 --> 00:05:02.433 +Of those three, two were published. -00:03:01.967 --> 00:03:03.400 -LAID MANY A GOOD WOMAN +00:05:02.534 --> 00:05:06.698 +Of those two, just one got a movie deal. -00:03:03.467 --> 00:03:05.267 -LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST +00:05:08.207 --> 00:05:13.440 +This is the story of the men +who attempted to make that movie. -00:03:05.333 --> 00:03:07.367 -CRY OUT FOR MORE -UNTIL IT BLEEDS +00:05:24.256 --> 00:05:26.850 +Whiskey fire old snake +requests an lz prep -00:03:07.433 --> 00:03:09.933 -HELP ME, -HELP ME HELP YOU, MOTHER... +00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:29.519 +at Alpha-delta-two-four-eight-niner, +over. -00:03:13.667 --> 00:03:14.633 -LOVE ME, +00:05:34.833 --> 00:05:39.099 +Floyd, this is lead. Right Echelon +approach from rp to lz, acknowledge. -00:03:14.700 --> 00:03:16.567 -I HATE YOU, LOVE ME +00:05:40.239 --> 00:05:42.002 +Floyd, wall-eye airborne. +Welcome aboard. -00:03:16.633 --> 00:03:18.567 -I KILL YOU, LOVE ME +00:05:45.844 --> 00:05:47.573 +All right, lead's going in. +Give her some cover. -00:03:18.633 --> 00:03:20.800 -I LOVE YOU +00:05:47.679 --> 00:05:50.512 +Delivery on five. +I repeat, delivery on five. -00:03:20.867 --> 00:03:24.833 -WHAT A MOB IN THE PARK TODAY. +00:05:56.588 --> 00:05:58.886 +This is zero-three. +I'm on your six, don't worry. -00:03:24.900 --> 00:03:28.667 -GOD, THE PLACE -IS CRAWLING WITH PHONIES. +00:05:59.224 --> 00:06:01.852 +Chalk-three's taking fire. +Guns right, guns right. -00:03:28.733 --> 00:03:30.933 -YEAH, HIGH SCHOOL PUNKS. +00:06:13.905 --> 00:06:16.032 +Lay that shit down! -00:03:31.067 --> 00:03:33.167 -THOSE CREEPS ARE ALWAYS HERE -ON WEEKENDS, MAN. +00:06:16.141 --> 00:06:17.438 +Come on! -00:03:33.233 --> 00:03:34.833 -MOST OF THEM ARE TOTAL JACKOFFS. +00:06:19.278 --> 00:06:21.576 +Come on, you damn dirty heathens! -00:03:34.900 --> 00:03:36.867 -SO MANY PEOPLE HERE -AND NOBODY HERE. +00:06:23.515 --> 00:06:25.710 +Fats! Run your motherfucking ass +over there, -00:03:36.933 --> 00:03:38.533 --DIG THAT CHICK, MAN! +00:06:25.817 --> 00:06:27.114 +hold these men off, now! -00:03:38.600 --> 00:03:39.567 --OVER THERE? +00:06:27.219 --> 00:06:28.914 +We're fixing to lift off! -00:03:39.633 --> 00:03:41.400 -MAN, LOOK AT THAT ASS ON HER! +00:06:29.021 --> 00:06:31.649 +Put some pep in your step, dick! +Jelly-ass bitch! -00:03:41.467 --> 00:03:42.567 --WHAT A BABY CARRIAGE. +00:06:31.757 --> 00:06:35.056 +Wall-eye, wall-eye, +this is boomer one-seven in the zee! -00:03:42.633 --> 00:03:43.667 --SO WHAT, MAN? +00:06:35.894 --> 00:06:39.295 +I need fast movers +on my yankee smoke, copy? -00:03:43.733 --> 00:03:45.500 -IF YOU HADN'T SHOWED UP SO LATE, +00:06:39.398 --> 00:06:41.764 +Boomer, this is wall-eye. +I got two-Alpha-four -00:03:45.567 --> 00:03:47.067 -WE'D BE ALL RIGHT NOW. +00:06:41.867 --> 00:06:44.097 +- snake and nape on the ready! +- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit! -00:03:47.067 --> 00:03:48.333 --FRITZ ALWAYS DOES IT, MAN. --EVERYBODY'S HERE +00:06:44.202 --> 00:06:45.362 +Holy shit! -00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:49.667 -WITH THEIR GUITARS ALREADY. +00:06:45.470 --> 00:06:47.267 +Get on that horn +and get some firepower, boy! -00:03:49.733 --> 00:03:50.700 -COOL, RIGHT, BUT THAT GUY-- +00:06:47.372 --> 00:06:48.372 +Jesus Christ! -00:03:50.767 --> 00:03:53.133 -SIXTEEN VERSIONS -OF "LEMON TREE." +00:06:48.440 --> 00:06:49.532 +Listen, you cherry fuck, -00:03:53.200 --> 00:03:55.833 -I JUST WANT SOMEPLACE -WHERE I CAN SLEEP. +00:06:49.641 --> 00:06:53.133 +you call in that snake and nape +and get us some boom-boom now! -00:03:55.900 --> 00:03:57.333 -I MEAN, I CAN COOK. +00:06:53.245 --> 00:06:55.713 +I'd do it myself +but I'm kind of goddamn busy! -00:03:57.400 --> 00:04:01.567 -I CAN SEW AND DO HOUSEWORK -AND THINGS LIKE THAT. +00:06:55.814 --> 00:06:57.179 +I need an answer, boomer! -00:04:01.633 --> 00:04:02.867 -GET OUT THE GUITARS. +00:06:57.282 --> 00:06:58.977 +Wall-eye, wall-eye! -00:04:02.933 --> 00:04:05.067 -COME ON, GET THEM OUT. +00:06:59.418 --> 00:07:00.783 +I copy! -00:04:05.067 --> 00:04:06.200 -AND ONE, TWO, THREE. +00:07:01.019 --> 00:07:03.317 +We got beaucoup zips in the zee. -00:04:06.267 --> 00:04:08.600 -ONCE I HAD A LITTLE GIRL +00:07:03.422 --> 00:07:04.912 +Rock and roll! -00:04:08.667 --> 00:04:11.833 -WHO WAS IN LOVE WITH ME +00:07:05.290 --> 00:07:06.780 +What the fuck? -00:04:11.900 --> 00:04:13.400 -WELL, WELL, BABY, +00:07:18.737 --> 00:07:21.171 +That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker! -00:04:13.467 --> 00:04:15.133 -I KNOW, I KNOW +00:07:21.273 --> 00:07:23.207 +I think I can put it back in! -00:04:15.200 --> 00:04:16.400 -YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, +00:07:23.308 --> 00:07:25.071 +We got to get back to the bird. -00:04:16.467 --> 00:04:18.067 -YEAH, YEAH +00:07:25.177 --> 00:07:26.269 +Lukemeyer's got popped! -00:04:20.933 --> 00:04:22.067 -OH, MAMA, MAMA, +00:07:26.378 --> 00:07:29.313 +This is the last Christmas +I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass! -00:04:22.100 --> 00:04:24.133 -SINGING IT, HO +00:07:29.481 --> 00:07:32.177 +Want some? Get some! -00:04:31.167 --> 00:04:32.567 -DUMB CHICKS. +00:07:32.617 --> 00:07:35.450 +Hey, yo, fats! I ain't seen four leaf! -00:04:32.633 --> 00:04:34.367 --EASILY IMPRESSED BY SPADES. +00:07:35.554 --> 00:07:38.750 +Don't count him out! That bastard's +got luck tattooed to his ass! -00:04:34.433 --> 00:04:36.267 --IT'S THE THING, MAN. +00:07:38.890 --> 00:07:41.882 +Motown, get your Detroit jukebox +jheri curl ass -00:04:43.900 --> 00:04:46.367 -LOOK, I'M GONNA SPLIT. +00:07:41.993 --> 00:07:44.223 +in this chickenshit chop-chop! Asafp! -00:04:46.433 --> 00:04:50.267 -I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. +00:07:44.329 --> 00:07:46.209 +Four leaf is still +outside the perimeter, sarge! -00:04:50.333 --> 00:04:52.067 -YEAH, HANG LOOSE, FRITZ. +00:07:46.264 --> 00:07:49.290 +Miss me with that cracker chump jive! +We di di mau! We di di mau! -00:04:52.067 --> 00:04:54.233 -I'VE READ EVERYTHING -JAMES BALDWIN'S WRITTEN. +00:07:49.434 --> 00:07:51.061 +Come on, sarge. Stop jiving. +Four leaf is there. -00:04:54.300 --> 00:04:55.333 -HE HAS A TRUE SENSE OF +00:07:51.169 --> 00:07:52.864 +Dead meat, soldier! -00:04:55.400 --> 00:04:57.233 -THE PROBLEMS OF BLACK PEOPLE. +00:07:53.071 --> 00:07:54.971 +Or do you want to be a hero? -00:04:57.300 --> 00:04:59.533 -I WORKED FOR HEAD START -FOR FREE LAST SUMMER. +00:07:55.073 --> 00:07:57.073 +That's just how Brooks +got his Jew ass killed, man. -00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:01.900 -BLACK KIDS -ARE SO MUCH GROOVIER. +00:07:57.075 --> 00:07:59.771 +And meatball's dago ass +bought the six-by-three farm. -00:05:01.967 --> 00:05:04.300 -I WENT TO A COUPLE OF -BLACK PANTHER MEETINGS. +00:07:59.878 --> 00:08:03.575 +Now get your ass up in the huey, before +I stomp a trench in your hiney hole! -00:05:04.367 --> 00:05:06.967 -THE TIME FOR -NON-VIOLENT REVOLUTION IS PAST. +00:08:05.183 --> 00:08:06.582 +Come on, get down, get down! -00:05:07.067 --> 00:05:08.367 -MORE POWER TO THE PEOPLE! +00:08:06.685 --> 00:08:08.710 +What am I looking at? What is this? -00:05:08.433 --> 00:05:10.633 -I'M TAKING A COURSE -IN AFRICAN STUDIES AT SCHOOL. +00:08:09.621 --> 00:08:13.580 +Come on, let's get, let's go! +Come on, elevator up, up! -00:05:10.700 --> 00:05:13.367 -I HAD NO IDEA YOU PEOPLE -WERE SO CIVILIZED. +00:08:13.692 --> 00:08:16.217 +Sarge. It's four leaf. -00:05:13.433 --> 00:05:14.667 -DO YOU KNOW -THAT PROPERTY VALUES +00:08:28.507 --> 00:08:29.565 +No! -00:05:14.733 --> 00:05:17.767 -ACTUALLY GO UP WHEN -A BLACK FAMILY MOVES IN? +00:08:31.910 --> 00:08:33.434 +You get out of that hole! -00:05:17.833 --> 00:05:20.667 -FREUD DIDN'T WRITE -FOR THE BLACK MAN. +00:08:45.490 --> 00:08:47.355 +You make it home, now. -00:05:20.733 --> 00:05:22.933 -WHY DOES A GREAT ACTOR -LIKE JAMES EARL JONES +00:08:54.800 --> 00:08:56.062 +Survive! -00:05:23.067 --> 00:05:25.300 -ALWAYS HAVE TO PLAY BLACK MEN? +00:09:10.849 --> 00:09:12.874 +I hope y'all like hamburger meat. -00:05:25.367 --> 00:05:28.133 -DON'T YOU HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE -SAY "COLORED" OR "NEGRO"... +00:09:12.984 --> 00:09:15.064 +'Cause that's exactly what +I'm gonna be bringing back -00:05:28.200 --> 00:05:29.333 -AND NOT "BLACK"? +00:09:15.153 --> 00:09:17.178 +and serving up in this whirly bird. -00:05:29.400 --> 00:05:30.667 -BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL. +00:09:17.289 --> 00:09:19.780 +Cover me, you limp dick fuckups! -00:05:30.733 --> 00:05:32.067 -IT'S SO GREAT THAT BLACK PEOPLE +00:09:25.430 --> 00:09:28.661 +Peek-a-boo! I see you! -00:05:32.067 --> 00:05:33.300 -WEAR THEIR HAIR NATURAL... +00:09:30.702 --> 00:09:32.431 +Hold on, four leaf! -00:05:33.367 --> 00:05:34.767 -NOT EMULATING -THE IMAGE OF BEAUTY +00:09:35.073 --> 00:09:36.404 +Oh, shit! -00:05:34.833 --> 00:05:36.667 -THAT WHITE PEOPLE TRY TO -INFLICT UPON THEM. +00:09:44.216 --> 00:09:45.706 +Watch my right! -00:05:36.733 --> 00:05:39.767 -I HAD A BLACK GIRLFRIEND ONCE -WHO SAID THAT JEWISH PEOPLE +00:09:48.487 --> 00:09:50.455 +Fuck you, Charlie! -00:05:39.833 --> 00:05:41.300 -WERE THE CLOSEST -TO BLACK PEOPLE. +00:09:55.427 --> 00:09:57.691 +Come on, leaf, let's boogie! -00:05:41.367 --> 00:05:43.800 -I'M JEWISH, YOU KNOW. +00:10:04.870 --> 00:10:07.730 +No! -00:05:43.867 --> 00:05:48.500 -I AIN'T NO JIVE-ASS -BLACK NIGGER, HONEY. +00:10:10.909 --> 00:10:13.002 +- Fats! +- Holy fuck! -00:05:48.567 --> 00:05:50.067 -WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? +00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:16.839 +Take us over to those men! Shit! -00:05:50.100 --> 00:05:52.200 -GERALDINE? +00:10:21.319 --> 00:10:24.288 +Look at you, man. +Playing with grenades. -00:05:59.200 --> 00:06:02.300 -OH, GOD! +00:10:27.792 --> 00:10:29.054 +I'm cold, Linc. -00:06:02.367 --> 00:06:07.067 -OH, JESUS! +00:10:31.096 --> 00:10:32.927 +I can't feel my legs. -00:06:07.133 --> 00:06:08.300 -HOW AWFUL. +00:10:34.065 --> 00:10:36.056 +Ain't nothing but a thang. -00:06:08.367 --> 00:06:10.400 -MY SOUL IS TORMENTED. +00:10:39.638 --> 00:10:40.969 +Hey, Linc. -00:06:10.467 --> 00:06:11.867 --GEE. --OH, NO. +00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:43.305 +What, man? -00:06:11.933 --> 00:06:14.467 -I'VE BEEN UP AND DOWN THE FOUR -CORNERS OF THIS BIG OLD WORLD. +00:10:44.543 --> 00:10:46.636 +Why does man -00:06:14.533 --> 00:06:15.533 -I'VE SEEN IT ALL! +00:10:46.745 --> 00:10:49.680 +got to pick up sticks +against another man? -00:06:15.600 --> 00:06:16.867 -I'VE DONE IT ALL! +00:10:51.883 --> 00:10:54.181 +Instead of using them sticks to -00:06:16.933 --> 00:06:18.533 --GEE. --WOW. +00:10:55.554 --> 00:10:57.146 +prop a man up? -00:06:18.600 --> 00:06:19.667 -I'VE FOUGHT MANY A GOOD MAN, +00:10:57.255 --> 00:10:58.882 +I'll never know. -00:06:19.733 --> 00:06:21.067 -LAID MANY A GOOD WOMAN. +00:11:00.191 --> 00:11:04.358 +Hold my hands, 'cause +I got something to... -00:06:21.100 --> 00:06:23.900 -I'VE HAD RICHES AND FAME -AND ADVENTURE. +00:11:04.462 --> 00:11:06.327 +I got something to say. -00:06:26.767 --> 00:06:30.700 -STOOD FACE TO FACE WITH DANGER -AND DEATH COUNTLESS TIMES. +00:11:07.732 --> 00:11:09.393 +Oh, boy. -00:06:30.767 --> 00:06:33.867 -ARE YOU SOMEBODY FAMOUS? +00:11:13.538 --> 00:11:16.234 +- You holding 'em? +- I got 'em tight. -00:06:33.933 --> 00:06:35.633 -I THINK I SAW YOU -IN A MOVIE ONCE. +00:11:18.977 --> 00:11:20.638 +When we get back to the world, -00:06:35.700 --> 00:06:38.233 -TRY NOT TO INTERRUPT, HUH? +00:11:21.112 --> 00:11:25.276 +we gonna put together that three-piece +combo band we talked about? -00:06:38.300 --> 00:06:39.733 -I'VE TASTED LIFE -TO THE FULLEST, +00:11:25.383 --> 00:11:28.375 +- Me on stand-up bass. +- Johnny on drums. -00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:42.867 -AND STILL MY SOUL CRIES OUT... +00:11:29.854 --> 00:11:31.981 +And me tickling the ivories. -00:06:42.933 --> 00:06:45.333 -IN THIS HUNGRY, TORTURED, -WRECKED QUEST, "MORE!" +00:11:34.092 --> 00:11:37.357 +I ain't never been worth a nothing +in this life, -00:06:45.400 --> 00:06:46.867 --LOOK AT THE GOOD SIDE OF LIFE. +00:11:37.462 --> 00:11:40.226 +but I want you to know something. -00:06:46.933 --> 00:06:48.233 --THINGS AREN'T ALL BAD. +00:11:41.299 --> 00:11:42.596 +What, man? -00:06:48.300 --> 00:06:49.967 -GEE, HE'S HANDSOME. +00:11:44.502 --> 00:11:45.799 +You are my... -00:06:50.067 --> 00:06:52.167 -YOU. YOU CAN HELP ME. +00:11:47.305 --> 00:11:49.000 +You are my brother. -00:06:52.233 --> 00:06:53.333 -YOU MUST SAVE ME. +00:12:01.987 --> 00:12:07.015 +You are my brother. +You are my... you are my... -00:06:53.400 --> 00:06:56.100 -BY SO DOING, YOU, TOO, -WILL BE SAVED. +00:12:07.192 --> 00:12:08.819 +I am your brother. -00:06:56.167 --> 00:06:58.633 -I'D LIKE TO, BUT WHAT CAN I DO? +00:12:12.330 --> 00:12:14.059 +I'm sorry. Could we cut? -00:06:58.700 --> 00:07:00.900 -LOVELY SET OF EYES THERE. +00:12:14.165 --> 00:12:15.766 +- What's he saying? +- Damien, can we cut? -00:07:00.967 --> 00:07:02.767 -LITTLE SWEET ONE -WITH YOUR HEART OF GOLD, +00:12:15.767 --> 00:12:17.428 +- No. No, no, no, no, no... +- All right, you know what? -00:07:02.833 --> 00:07:04.300 -I KNOW OF A PLACE -WHERE WE CAN BE ALONE +00:12:17.535 --> 00:12:20.527 +We got the jets coming in, +big explosion, two minutes. -00:07:04.367 --> 00:07:08.667 -TO JOIN OUR SOULS -IN SACRED TRUTH. +00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:21.731 +Still rolling. -00:07:08.733 --> 00:07:11.133 -HEY! +00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:23.467 +You know what? No, not still rolling. +Can we cut? -00:07:11.200 --> 00:07:13.067 -I WANT TO BE IN ON THIS THING. +00:12:23.575 --> 00:12:25.236 +- We're cutting. +- No, we're not. Get out! -00:07:13.100 --> 00:07:15.367 -WHAT ABOUT MY SOUL, -YOU FINK? +00:12:25.343 --> 00:12:27.343 +Hey, what's going on? +For real, my butt is hurting! -00:07:15.433 --> 00:07:17.400 -FOUR IN BED, THAT'S A KICK -I HAVEN'T TRIED YET. +00:12:27.412 --> 00:12:29.539 +This harness is riding up my crack! -00:07:17.467 --> 00:07:18.933 -WHAT? +00:12:29.648 --> 00:12:32.116 +- Damien, are we cutting? +- No! No! Still rolling! -00:07:19.067 --> 00:07:20.333 -YES. TOGETHER +00:12:32.217 --> 00:12:34.344 +Mr. cockburn! Are we cutting, sir? -00:07:20.400 --> 00:07:21.600 -WE SHALL ALL LEARN... +00:12:34.452 --> 00:12:37.615 +No! No. I'm not cutting! +We're still rolling! -00:07:21.667 --> 00:07:24.967 -THE REAL EXISTENTIAL ESSENCE -OF THE LIFE FORCE. +00:12:37.722 --> 00:12:38.780 +Damien, what's the dealy, dude? -00:07:25.067 --> 00:07:26.333 -YES, "EXISTENTIAL." +00:12:38.890 --> 00:12:40.687 +Are we gonna blow +this tree line or what? -00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:27.600 -I HEARD THAT WORD ONCE. +00:12:40.792 --> 00:12:42.353 +Tuk tuk and Kim +got the blue balls here. -00:07:27.667 --> 00:07:31.367 --WHAT'S IT MEAN? --"COOL," STUPID. +00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:43.688 +I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go! -00:07:31.433 --> 00:07:34.300 -YOU ARE A TRUE GENIUS, FRITZ. +00:12:43.795 --> 00:12:46.115 +- Play it through. Still rolling! +- Dieter, can he hear me? -00:07:47.067 --> 00:07:49.467 -WILD, THIS IS WILD. +00:12:46.131 --> 00:12:48.691 +That's c-4, dipshit. Put that back. +I said a detonator. -00:07:53.200 --> 00:07:55.633 -OH, HONEY, I COULD GO... +00:12:48.800 --> 00:12:51.166 +I need some dudes up here +who speak American, God damn it! -00:08:14.600 --> 00:08:17.267 -I'LL GET IT. GOD DAMN IT. +00:12:51.269 --> 00:12:52.830 +He's making +a fucking sweater back here. -00:08:25.733 --> 00:08:28.467 -WHAT'S HAPPENING, MAN? +00:12:52.837 --> 00:12:55.169 +I'm trying to put tiger balm +on this jungle's nuts. -00:08:28.533 --> 00:08:32.200 -HEY, FRITZ THE CAT HAS BECOME -THE STUD OF THE YEAR. +00:12:55.273 --> 00:12:56.433 +Everyone, please shut up. -00:08:32.267 --> 00:08:36.733 -WE'RE HAVING A SESSION HERE NOW, -SO I DON'T KNOW. +00:12:56.541 --> 00:12:58.742 +The jets are coming in. +We only have one chance at this! -00:08:36.800 --> 00:08:38.100 -ANYBODY USING THAT ROOM? +00:12:58.810 --> 00:13:00.209 +And go! -00:08:38.167 --> 00:08:40.067 -THAT'S THE JOHN, -I MEAN... +00:13:00.311 --> 00:13:02.609 +Let's do it. You feel it? +You feel me? -00:08:40.067 --> 00:08:42.167 -IF YOU'RE REALLY -STRUNG OUT, MAN. +00:13:03.615 --> 00:13:05.981 +- You are my... +- I am your brother. -00:08:42.233 --> 00:08:43.233 -WE'LL TAKE IT. +00:13:06.451 --> 00:13:08.316 +We've seen it all, man. -00:08:43.300 --> 00:08:44.267 -THIS WAY, GROUP. +00:13:09.054 --> 00:13:10.054 +I'm sorry, Damien? -00:08:44.333 --> 00:08:46.500 -COME ALONG, NOW, -STEP LIVELY. +00:13:10.155 --> 00:13:11.452 +Are you seeing that? -00:08:46.567 --> 00:08:47.433 -WATCH YOUR STEP. +00:13:11.556 --> 00:13:13.956 +The little froggy on the boom Mike? +It's right in my eyeline. -00:08:47.500 --> 00:08:48.867 -THAT'S A GIRL. +00:13:15.860 --> 00:13:17.555 +Donny! What's up, man? -00:08:48.933 --> 00:08:50.667 -RUB-A-DUB-A-DUB. +00:13:18.229 --> 00:13:19.196 +It's been there the whole show. -00:08:50.733 --> 00:08:51.900 -OK. +00:13:19.330 --> 00:13:20.354 +Yeah, well it's right in my face, -00:08:51.967 --> 00:08:54.067 -A NEW WORLD OF EXPERIENCE -AWAITS US, MY LOVES. +00:13:20.465 --> 00:13:21.454 +I'm staring at a frog, +I'm trying to feel... -00:08:54.100 --> 00:08:55.767 -THIS BATHTUB -IS NOW TRANSFORMED +00:13:21.566 --> 00:13:24.126 +It's always the yellow frog that +brings them black frog on Fridays, man. -00:08:55.833 --> 00:08:57.500 -INTO A SPACE CAPSULE -OF TRUTH AND LOVE. +00:13:24.235 --> 00:13:25.930 +Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl. -00:08:57.567 --> 00:08:59.700 -WOW! THIS IS WILD! +00:13:26.037 --> 00:13:28.130 +No, I didn't pee on her, +listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no. -00:08:59.767 --> 00:09:02.867 -ONLY IN NAKED CLOSENESS LIKE -THIS CAN WE ALL KNOW EACH OTHER. +00:13:28.239 --> 00:13:30.764 +The story is this. She was in the way +when I was peeing, she walked past. -00:09:02.933 --> 00:09:05.767 -YES! RIGHT! -VERY GOOD, WINSTON, DARLING. +00:13:30.875 --> 00:13:33.241 +What the fuck is going on here? -00:09:05.833 --> 00:09:07.300 -"NAKED CLOSENESS," TRUE. +00:13:33.344 --> 00:13:35.505 +On three, baby. One, two, breathe. -00:09:07.367 --> 00:09:09.867 -YOU ARE A PERCEPTIVE GIRL. +00:13:35.613 --> 00:13:38.138 +Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do +a countdown before I do the scene. -00:09:09.933 --> 00:09:11.667 -CLOSENESS, -WE MUST ALL GET VERY CLOSE... +00:13:38.249 --> 00:13:39.307 +- No countdown? +- No countdown. -00:09:11.733 --> 00:09:13.067 -AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE, +00:13:39.417 --> 00:13:40.611 +- Okay. +- Can we just do it off of "action"? -00:09:13.067 --> 00:09:15.200 -AS A MATTER OF FACT. +00:13:40.719 --> 00:13:42.277 +Just... in your own time. -00:09:15.267 --> 00:09:16.200 -THAT'S RIGHT. +00:13:42.387 --> 00:13:44.184 +- Good... +- I'm not a rocket ship, okay? -00:09:16.267 --> 00:09:18.500 -LET'S ALL GET CLOSE TOGETHER. +00:13:44.289 --> 00:13:45.916 +- All right, dude. +- And action! -00:09:18.567 --> 00:09:19.767 -OH, BOY. +00:13:46.024 --> 00:13:48.959 +Whatever floats your boat, baby. +Fuck! Don't die! -00:09:19.833 --> 00:09:22.100 -CLOSENESS AND FULFILLMENT -OF OUR HIDDEN DESIRES +00:13:49.060 --> 00:13:51.494 +Erika, get me a vitaminwater! -00:09:22.167 --> 00:09:23.933 -THROUGH WHICH -WE REACH THE TRUTH. +00:13:51.596 --> 00:13:53.157 +You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry. -00:09:24.067 --> 00:09:25.267 -FULFILLMENT IS IMPORTANT. +00:13:53.164 --> 00:13:57.567 +Not to get into his thing, but if +I'm crying, should osiris be crying, too? -00:09:25.333 --> 00:09:26.400 -DON'T YOU THINK SO, WINSTON? +00:13:57.669 --> 00:13:59.569 +- No, it's everyone cry... +- We cutting or we crying? -00:09:26.467 --> 00:09:27.867 -OOH, YES. +00:13:59.671 --> 00:14:01.002 +- No, no, no, we're crying! +- Just call it, man! -00:09:27.933 --> 00:09:29.900 -VERY IMPORTANT. +00:14:01.106 --> 00:14:03.233 +- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. +- Thanks! -00:09:29.967 --> 00:09:31.500 -OH, WOW, YEAH NOW, +00:14:03.341 --> 00:14:05.070 +- Everybody cry... +- You know what? -00:09:31.567 --> 00:09:33.267 -NOW I'M GETTING TO THE TRUTH, +00:14:05.176 --> 00:14:07.144 +- You see how agitated he is now? +- I know. -00:09:33.333 --> 00:09:34.767 -I THINK, YES. +00:14:07.245 --> 00:14:09.725 +- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. +- Okay. Still rolling! -00:09:34.833 --> 00:09:37.067 -IT'S ALL VERY CLEAR NOW. +00:14:10.081 --> 00:14:12.743 +This is falcon one. We have the Ridge +in sight, approximately two Miles out. -00:09:39.967 --> 00:09:41.467 -OK, WINSTON. +00:14:12.851 --> 00:14:15.115 +Dieter, these jets +are about to crest this Ridge line. -00:09:41.533 --> 00:09:43.067 -HERE COME THE TRUTH. +00:14:15.220 --> 00:14:17.154 +They got about 200 pounds +of shit your pants. -00:09:43.067 --> 00:09:44.700 -YOU GOT THE WORD. +00:14:17.255 --> 00:14:18.695 +I need to know if we're ready to go. -00:09:44.767 --> 00:09:45.833 -OH, FRITZY. +00:14:21.059 --> 00:14:23.357 +- You're my... you're my... +- I am your... -00:09:45.900 --> 00:09:47.167 -YOU GOT SUCH -AN EXISTENTIAL LITTLE BODY. +00:14:23.461 --> 00:14:26.919 +See, that's what I think it is, Damien. +I think it's the line. -00:09:47.233 --> 00:09:49.567 -JEEZ. WOW. +00:14:27.031 --> 00:14:28.055 +Yeah? -00:09:49.633 --> 00:09:50.867 -OH, SHIT! +00:14:28.166 --> 00:14:30.031 +I don't know if four leaf +would say that... four leaf? -00:09:50.933 --> 00:09:52.333 -MAYBE WE BETTER GO, HUH? +00:14:30.135 --> 00:14:32.467 +Were you crying +when your hands blew up? -00:09:52.400 --> 00:09:53.933 -NO! NOT AT ALL! +00:14:32.570 --> 00:14:34.197 +No. See, he didn't. +Yeah, I mean, just that's what... -00:09:54.067 --> 00:09:55.467 -LOOK HERE. -YOU GET DOWN OVER HERE. +00:14:34.305 --> 00:14:35.863 +So now we in re-writes, right? -00:09:55.533 --> 00:09:57.733 -AND YOU DOWN LIKE THAT. +00:14:35.974 --> 00:14:37.100 +- Where you going? +- Let's re-write it! -00:09:57.800 --> 00:09:59.500 -RIGHT UNDER HERE. -WATCH THE FOOT. +00:14:37.208 --> 00:14:39.369 +Action Jackson can't cry. +That's what's going down. -00:09:59.567 --> 00:10:00.967 -THAT'S RIGHT, -RIGHT UNDER HERE. +00:14:39.477 --> 00:14:41.445 +You know what, kirk? +I'm ready to do the scene! -00:10:01.033 --> 00:10:03.000 -OKAY, READY, EVERYONE. +00:14:41.546 --> 00:14:45.107 +What scene? The scene is +about emotionality. Where is it? -00:10:03.067 --> 00:10:05.300 -HERE WE GO. +00:14:45.216 --> 00:14:46.808 +- Now it's time to flip the script! +- Kirk... -00:10:18.833 --> 00:10:21.533 -HEY, RALPH, -I THINK THIS IS THE PLACE +00:14:46.918 --> 00:14:49.119 +Be here till Chinese new year +waiting for my man to cry. -00:10:21.600 --> 00:10:22.967 -WE GOT THE REPORT ON +00:14:49.287 --> 00:14:51.255 +You're tangling me, +you're fucking tangling me. -00:10:23.033 --> 00:10:26.200 -WITH THESE KIDS UPSTAIRS -DOING THE SHIT AND SMOKING, +00:14:51.356 --> 00:14:52.636 +You're tangling me, God damn it! -00:10:26.267 --> 00:10:27.433 -AND EVERYTHING, -I THINK. +00:14:52.657 --> 00:14:55.490 +- Kirk, no! +- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag! -00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:28.900 -TELL ME WHAT TO DO. -I NEVER WENT IN BEFORE. +00:14:55.593 --> 00:14:57.390 +I'm going potty. +You want to hold my dick? -00:10:28.967 --> 00:10:29.867 -TELL ME WHAT TO DO. +00:14:57.862 --> 00:15:00.626 +Shit! What are you fucking both doing, +good lord! -00:10:29.933 --> 00:10:31.200 -WELL, ROB, -BECAUSE YOU'RE A ROOKIE +00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.324 +We're getting this in a wide shot, right? -00:10:31.267 --> 00:10:33.033 -AND THIS IS YOUR FIRST BEAT, -YOU JUST FOLLOW ME. +00:15:03.434 --> 00:15:04.958 +Of course we're getting it +in a fucking wide. -00:10:33.100 --> 00:10:35.467 -WE WALK UP THE STEPS, -WE'LL MAKE NO NOISE. +00:15:05.069 --> 00:15:06.093 +What, do you think +I'm a dick or something? -00:10:35.533 --> 00:10:37.400 -WE DON'T MAKE ANY NOISE. +00:15:06.204 --> 00:15:09.339 +Get that fucking food... +Here they come! -00:10:37.467 --> 00:10:39.133 -YOU FOLLOW ME SLOWLY, GOT THAT? +00:15:10.441 --> 00:15:12.841 +- The planes are inbound! +- Shit! Shit! -00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:41.033 -I DO. LIKE DICK TRACY. +00:15:12.944 --> 00:15:17.847 +Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks. +Tropic tits! -00:10:41.100 --> 00:10:42.533 -NO, IT'S LIKE -TERRY AND THE PIRATES. +00:15:17.949 --> 00:15:20.918 +That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go! -00:10:42.600 --> 00:10:44.967 -DICK TRACY'S OLD HAT. +00:15:21.019 --> 00:15:23.078 +Let's go freaking tet here! -00:10:45.033 --> 00:10:46.933 -NOW, LET'S GO INSIDE. +00:15:23.188 --> 00:15:25.179 +Goddamn shit-picking cock! -00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:50.967 -WAIT. COULD I GET -TO SEARCH THE GIRLS? +00:15:27.292 --> 00:15:28.884 +That's my shit! -00:10:51.033 --> 00:10:53.667 -YEAH. -I'VE DONE ENOUGH OF THAT. +00:15:34.432 --> 00:15:37.367 +Mother nature just pissed her pantsuit! -00:10:53.733 --> 00:10:56.800 -HERE WE GO. AND WATCH ME, -'CAUSE I'M A NATURAL IN ACTION. +00:15:45.243 --> 00:15:46.471 +- Sweet. +- Oh, mama! -00:10:56.867 --> 00:10:58.367 -UP THE STEPS. +00:15:49.280 --> 00:15:51.544 +Bungle in the jungle. -00:11:08.700 --> 00:11:11.567 -HEY, MAN. +00:15:51.649 --> 00:15:54.743 +More bad news from the vietnamese set +of tropic thunder, -00:11:11.633 --> 00:11:14.333 -WHAT THE HELL'S -GOING ON IN HERE? +00:15:54.853 --> 00:15:58.584 +where a $4 million explosion +charred the Asian location -00:11:14.400 --> 00:11:15.400 -FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, +00:15:58.690 --> 00:16:00.658 +and the camera wasn't even rolling. -00:11:15.467 --> 00:11:16.967 -WHAT DO YOU WANT? +00:16:00.758 --> 00:16:03.420 +Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul +les Grossman, -00:11:17.067 --> 00:11:18.167 -FOR CHRIST'S SAKE... +00:16:03.528 --> 00:16:06.622 +the film is already rumored to be +one month behind schedule -00:11:18.233 --> 00:11:20.433 -FRITZ IS HAVING HIS OWN -PRIVATE LITTLE ORGY. +00:16:06.731 --> 00:16:09.598 +just five days into shooting. +The reason? -00:11:20.500 --> 00:11:24.067 -MOVE OVER, MAN. +00:16:09.701 --> 00:16:12.636 +Fingers are pointed at rookie director +Damien cockburn, -00:11:24.067 --> 00:11:24.967 -WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE? +00:16:12.737 --> 00:16:15.831 +who, insiders say, +can't control a star-studded cast, -00:11:25.067 --> 00:11:27.600 -WE'RE SEEKING AFTER -THE TRUTH! +00:16:15.940 --> 00:16:20.639 +including flatulent star of the popular +fatties franchise, Jeff portnoy. -00:11:27.667 --> 00:11:30.800 -IT'S MY BATHTUB, MAN. +00:16:20.745 --> 00:16:23.270 +Let me tell you something. +A lot of people are disrespecting me. -00:11:30.867 --> 00:11:32.967 -DON'T PAY ATTENTION -TO THAT FRITZ. +00:16:23.381 --> 00:16:27.112 +They say that the movie's +just about farts. It's about family, -00:11:33.067 --> 00:11:34.833 -HE GOT A JESUS COMPLEX. +00:16:27.218 --> 00:16:30.312 +and... you! You can't do what I do. -00:11:34.900 --> 00:11:36.700 -OH, I KNOW IT. +00:16:30.421 --> 00:16:34.653 +Fresh from his most recent arrest +for heroin, glue and crack possession, -00:11:46.933 --> 00:11:48.167 -HAVE SOME JOY PUFF, +00:16:34.759 --> 00:16:37.125 +portnoy was almost uninsurable. -00:11:48.233 --> 00:11:51.233 -SWEET LITTLE BIRD. +00:16:37.228 --> 00:16:41.562 +Also in the mix is Booty sweat-hocking +hip-hop hyphenate alpa chino. -00:11:51.300 --> 00:11:52.367 -HELLO, NEW YORK. +00:16:41.666 --> 00:16:44.157 +I'm so excited, you know what I'm +saying, about doing tropic thunder. -00:11:52.433 --> 00:11:54.167 -HEARD YOU'RE HAVING -A HASH SESSION HERE. +00:16:44.269 --> 00:16:46.430 +Hey, drink Booty sweat, baby. +Drink Booty sweat. -00:11:54.233 --> 00:11:58.367 -WOW, THIS IS WHERE IT'S AT. +00:16:46.537 --> 00:16:48.198 +But the real heavyweight on the set -00:11:58.433 --> 00:12:00.500 -YES, MAN, COME JOIN US. +00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:49.217 +is five-time academy award winner +kirk Lazarus. -00:12:00.567 --> 00:12:02.500 -GOOD STUFF AND LOTS OF IT, MAN. +00:16:49.241 --> 00:16:51.082 +Is five-time academy award winner +kirk Lazarus. -00:12:02.567 --> 00:12:03.833 -ONLY CLOSE THE DOOR. +00:16:51.109 --> 00:16:54.840 +The brilliant Australian +known for his bad boy antics off-screen -00:12:03.900 --> 00:12:05.500 -WE'RE MODEST. +00:16:54.946 --> 00:16:58.541 +is famous for his total immersion +into any role he portrays. -00:12:09.067 --> 00:12:09.900 -HAR HAR HAR. +00:16:58.650 --> 00:16:59.947 +Well, being an actor is no different -00:12:09.967 --> 00:12:14.133 -THE GUY'S A RIOT. +00:17:00.051 --> 00:17:02.246 +than being a rugby player +or a construction worker, -00:12:14.200 --> 00:12:17.900 -OH, GOD, I'M THERE, -I'M THERE. +00:17:02.353 --> 00:17:03.479 +save for the fact that my tools -00:12:17.967 --> 00:12:19.433 -YOU REALLY THERE? -HOW IS IT? +00:17:03.588 --> 00:17:05.647 +are the mechanisms +that trigger human emotion. -00:12:19.500 --> 00:12:20.633 --IT'S... +00:17:05.757 --> 00:17:07.816 +Lazarus underwent a controversial -00:12:20.700 --> 00:12:22.200 --HOW IS IT? --THAT'S FUNNY. +00:17:07.926 --> 00:17:10.918 +pigmentation alteration procedure +in order to play -00:12:22.267 --> 00:12:23.767 -I'M NOT THERE ANYMORE. +00:17:11.029 --> 00:17:14.123 +the platoon's African-American +sergeant, Lincoln osiris. -00:12:23.833 --> 00:12:25.767 -OH, SHIT. +00:17:14.232 --> 00:17:15.665 +Yeah! -00:12:25.833 --> 00:12:26.800 -I'M A WRITER. +00:17:15.767 --> 00:17:17.632 +Trying to hold his own onscreen +with kirk -00:12:26.867 --> 00:12:29.067 -LET'S TALK ABOUT IT. +00:17:17.735 --> 00:17:19.862 +is action juggernaut tugg speedman. -00:12:29.133 --> 00:12:33.467 -EVER MADE IT -WITH AN AARDVARK BEFORE? +00:17:19.971 --> 00:17:22.769 +Once the highest grossing star +in the world, -00:12:33.533 --> 00:12:35.500 -IT'S A RARE OPPORTUNITY, -YOU KNOW. +00:17:22.874 --> 00:17:25.934 +lately his scorcher films +have lost their heat. -00:12:35.567 --> 00:12:36.967 -WE'RE SCARCE. +00:17:26.044 --> 00:17:28.638 +Recently, speedman opened up to Tyra. -00:12:37.067 --> 00:12:38.900 -REALLY? +00:17:28.746 --> 00:17:30.680 +You have no real family. -00:12:38.967 --> 00:12:41.133 -I CAN'T TELL -IF I'M THERE OR NOT. +00:17:30.782 --> 00:17:35.219 +You're on the wrong side of 40. +You're childless and alone. -00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:42.433 -HOW DO YOU TELL? +00:17:35.320 --> 00:17:37.015 +Somebody close to you said, -00:12:42.500 --> 00:12:45.433 -YOU'LL KNOW WHEN YOU ARE. +00:17:37.121 --> 00:17:39.919 +"one more flop and it's over." -00:12:45.500 --> 00:12:46.967 -OH, BALLS. +00:17:42.026 --> 00:17:44.119 +Somebody said they were close to me? -00:12:47.067 --> 00:12:48.133 -IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME. +00:17:45.063 --> 00:17:46.189 +It's been a tough year for tugg. -00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:50.667 -I'M A FAILURE -AS A POT SMOKER. +00:17:46.297 --> 00:17:49.061 +The disappointing buddy comedy +chitlin' & the dude -00:12:50.733 --> 00:12:52.300 -DON'T BE SAD. +00:17:49.167 --> 00:17:53.831 +was followed by an ill-advised venture +into serious dramatic territory. -00:12:52.367 --> 00:12:54.067 -SOMEDAY YOU'LL MAKE IT. +00:17:53.938 --> 00:17:55.030 +Simple Jack, -00:12:54.067 --> 00:12:55.333 -REALLY. +00:17:55.139 --> 00:17:58.870 +the story of a mentally impaired +farmhand who can talk to animals, -00:13:13.733 --> 00:13:15.900 -SHH. I THINK WE'RE HERE. +00:17:58.977 --> 00:18:00.842 +was a box office disaster -00:13:30.667 --> 00:13:32.633 -DO YOU HEAR ANYTHING, RALPH? +00:18:00.945 --> 00:18:05.541 +that many critics called, +"one of the worst movies of all time." -00:13:32.700 --> 00:13:37.167 -IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH -OF DEGENERATES IN THERE. +00:18:05.650 --> 00:18:09.279 +I ain't got a good brain. -00:13:37.233 --> 00:13:38.767 -NOW, LISTEN, RALPH, +00:18:10.288 --> 00:18:13.189 +I think you've got a fine brain, Jack. -00:13:38.833 --> 00:13:40.733 -YOU GOT THE DEEPER VOICE. +00:18:13.291 --> 00:18:18.456 +You make me happy. -00:13:40.800 --> 00:13:43.767 -AND I WANT YOU TO YELL, -"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR." +00:18:19.998 --> 00:18:24.435 +But now the question is, +can speedman make audiences happy -00:13:43.833 --> 00:13:47.700 -SAY THE WORD "FUCKING" BECAUSE -THAT MAKES YOU SOUND TOUGH. +00:18:24.535 --> 00:18:26.298 +in what's being called +the most expensive -00:13:47.767 --> 00:13:49.533 -WHEN I SAY THREE, -YOU YELL, "OPEN..." +00:18:26.404 --> 00:18:28.668 +- war movie never made? +- Rick peck. -00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:51.833 -I'M EVEN GONNA AD-LIB. +00:18:28.773 --> 00:18:30.293 +Wishing tugg all the best on that one. -00:13:51.900 --> 00:13:53.733 -NO AD-LIBBING, RALPH. -NO AD-LIBBIN'. +00:18:30.375 --> 00:18:34.709 +Rum-tum-tuggernauts, it's the pecker. +You got time for your agent? -00:13:53.800 --> 00:13:56.267 -LET ME CALL THEM PRE-VERTS. -LET ME CALL 'EM PRE-VERTS. +00:18:34.812 --> 00:18:36.074 +- Rick? +- Hey, buddy, -00:13:56.333 --> 00:13:57.633 -WHAT'S A PRE-VERT? +00:18:36.180 --> 00:18:37.738 +guess who I'm staring at right now. -00:13:57.700 --> 00:14:00.767 -A PRE-VERT IS A DEGENERATE, -DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT? +00:18:37.849 --> 00:18:39.510 +- What? +- I'm looking at your ugly mug -00:14:00.833 --> 00:14:02.233 -A PRE-VERT'S A DEGENERATE? +00:18:39.617 --> 00:18:41.915 +on the back cover +of vanity fair magazine, -00:14:02.300 --> 00:14:04.767 -DIDN'T YOU HAVE NO BRINGING UP? +00:18:42.020 --> 00:18:44.454 +holding a cute, cuddly panda +from cutesville. -00:14:04.833 --> 00:14:07.367 -I GOT BAR-MITZVAHED. +00:18:44.555 --> 00:18:47.149 +It is insane, bro. You are a rock star. -00:14:07.433 --> 00:14:09.667 -YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED -TO LAUGH, RALPH! +00:18:47.258 --> 00:18:49.852 +Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent? -00:14:09.733 --> 00:14:12.267 -THIS IS A SERIOUS JOB -AND WE'RE GETTING PAID FOR IT. +00:18:49.961 --> 00:18:50.985 +From Rick. -00:14:12.333 --> 00:14:14.333 -CUT THE FUCKING SHIT OUT. +00:18:51.095 --> 00:18:53.188 +Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks. -00:14:14.400 --> 00:14:18.233 -LET'S GO. +00:18:53.297 --> 00:18:55.857 +All right, +that is a real satellite phone, bro. -00:14:18.300 --> 00:14:20.333 -ALL RIGHT. +00:18:55.967 --> 00:18:57.559 +Do not re-gift. -00:14:20.400 --> 00:14:21.833 -OPEN UP IN THERE! +00:18:57.668 --> 00:19:00.159 +Hey. You see +that access Hollywood piece? -00:14:21.900 --> 00:14:24.367 -IT'S THE LAW! HIPPIE BASTARDS! +00:19:00.271 --> 00:19:03.206 +Yeah, I did. +It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. -00:14:24.433 --> 00:14:26.867 -GOOD, RALPH, DO IT AGAIN. +00:19:03.307 --> 00:19:07.744 +I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, +tugg. You are a huge star, all right? -00:14:26.933 --> 00:14:28.067 -OKAY! +00:19:07.845 --> 00:19:09.312 +But right now, -00:14:28.100 --> 00:14:29.633 -WHAT THE FUCK'S YOUR PROBLEM? +00:19:09.414 --> 00:19:10.972 +you're like that kid on the playground, +you know, -00:14:29.700 --> 00:14:30.800 -CUT IT OUT! -I WON'T LAUGH! +00:19:11.082 --> 00:19:14.051 +the one who has lice that none +of the other kids want to play with? -00:14:30.867 --> 00:14:33.067 -OPEN THE DOOR, YOU PRE-VERTS! +00:19:14.152 --> 00:19:16.232 +- What do you mean? +- I mean we gotta shave your head -00:14:33.133 --> 00:14:34.067 -OPEN UP! +00:19:16.254 --> 00:19:18.722 +and get you back +on the monkey bars, right? -00:14:34.067 --> 00:14:35.733 -LAW AND ORDER'S HERE! +00:19:18.823 --> 00:19:20.154 +What? -00:14:35.800 --> 00:14:36.733 --OPEN UP! +00:19:20.258 --> 00:19:22.123 +How did the crying scene go? -00:14:36.800 --> 00:14:38.367 --ALL RIGHT IN THERE! +00:19:22.226 --> 00:19:23.989 +Horrible. Lazarus started crying. -00:14:38.433 --> 00:14:40.533 -OPEN UP! HERE WE ARE! +00:19:24.095 --> 00:19:27.258 +Then he starts drooling and dribbling, +and it wasn't even in the script... -00:14:48.100 --> 00:14:50.500 -WOW! I CAN DO IT! +00:19:27.365 --> 00:19:28.457 +Stop right there! -00:15:00.633 --> 00:15:03.833 -OH, BABY, DO I FEEL HIGH! +00:19:28.566 --> 00:19:30.295 +You gotta buck up here, tuggboat. -00:15:03.900 --> 00:15:05.800 -I'M FLYING! +00:19:30.401 --> 00:19:33.097 +Who cares how much more talented +he may be than you? -00:15:13.500 --> 00:15:15.667 -WHAT A WONDERFUL, WIGGLY WORLD! +00:19:33.204 --> 00:19:36.571 +If he cries, you cry harder, man. -00:15:15.733 --> 00:15:18.433 -WE'RE OUTSIDE, -BUT WE'LL GET IN! +00:19:36.674 --> 00:19:38.835 +Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia +or something -00:15:18.500 --> 00:15:20.533 --LAW AND ORDER'S HERE! +00:19:38.943 --> 00:19:40.308 +when you were a kid? +I mean, think of that. -00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:21.533 --OPEN UP! +00:19:40.411 --> 00:19:44.177 +Boom! End of story. +They hook up the TiVo yet? -00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:23.067 -ALL RIGHT IN THERE! +00:19:44.282 --> 00:19:45.544 +Good gosh. -00:15:23.067 --> 00:15:25.367 -YOUR FUCKING BATH PARTY'S OVER! +00:19:45.650 --> 00:19:47.481 +- What? +- The TiVo, they hook it up? -00:15:34.467 --> 00:15:35.867 --OVER HERE! +00:19:47.585 --> 00:19:49.849 +- No. The guy didn't come. +- What? -00:15:35.933 --> 00:15:37.567 --THE COPS! +00:19:49.954 --> 00:19:52.548 +For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable. -00:15:37.633 --> 00:15:39.533 -RIGHT IN THE MOUTH! -YEAH! I LOVE IT! +00:19:52.657 --> 00:19:54.557 +They have digital cable, but, +I mean, it's okay. -00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:40.633 -TAKE THAT! +00:19:54.659 --> 00:19:56.889 +No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay. -00:15:40.700 --> 00:15:42.667 -HEY, YOU! -GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY THING! +00:19:56.994 --> 00:19:59.121 +It is not okay, tugg! -00:15:42.733 --> 00:15:43.800 --HERE WE ARE! +00:19:59.230 --> 00:20:02.358 +And you don't need to explain to me +why you need TiVo -00:15:43.867 --> 00:15:44.833 --WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? +00:20:02.467 --> 00:20:06.403 +or clean water, clean sheets, +food, shelter. -00:15:44.900 --> 00:15:46.967 -OVER THERE! IN THE HEAD! +00:20:06.504 --> 00:20:09.598 +I mean, I fought for that in your contract. -00:15:47.067 --> 00:15:48.833 -GET YOUR HANDS -OFF OF MY DICK! +00:20:09.707 --> 00:20:11.766 +How's the adoption thing coming, +buddy? -00:15:48.900 --> 00:15:50.333 -IN THE HEAD! +00:20:11.876 --> 00:20:13.901 +Not too great. -00:15:50.400 --> 00:15:51.433 -I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! +00:20:17.148 --> 00:20:19.844 +I feel like all the good ones are gone. -00:15:51.500 --> 00:15:54.767 -RALPH, WHERE ARE YOU? +00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:23.817 +Well, at least you get to choose yours. -00:15:54.833 --> 00:15:57.067 -RALPH, HELP! GOTCHA! +00:20:23.921 --> 00:20:25.752 +I'm stuck with mine. -00:15:57.067 --> 00:15:58.167 -NOW I GOTCHA! +00:20:27.658 --> 00:20:30.183 +Tell you what, get back to work, +genius soldier. -00:15:58.233 --> 00:15:59.200 -HERE, TAKE THAT! +00:20:30.294 --> 00:20:33.161 +The pecker's on a TiVo mission +for the y-o-u. -00:15:59.267 --> 00:16:02.467 -THAT'S MY... +00:20:33.264 --> 00:20:35.027 +Work on those tears, my man. -00:16:02.533 --> 00:16:03.533 -GOTCHA! IN THE HEART! +00:20:35.133 --> 00:20:36.225 +All right. Yeah. -00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:04.900 -IN THE HEAD! -OVER THERE! +00:20:36.334 --> 00:20:37.892 +Say it for me one time. -00:16:04.967 --> 00:16:06.067 -WATCH THAT THING! +00:20:38.002 --> 00:20:42.268 +- You make me happy. +- Make me happy. -00:16:06.067 --> 00:16:10.300 -WHERE'S THE CAT? +00:20:42.373 --> 00:20:43.965 +- I love you, buddy. +- All right, bye. -00:16:10.367 --> 00:16:11.900 -WOW. +00:20:44.876 --> 00:20:46.867 +Crisis meeting? +What does that mean, exactly? -00:16:24.367 --> 00:16:27.067 -HEY, LOOK AT -THIS BIG FUCKING GUN. +00:20:46.978 --> 00:20:48.639 +I mean, are we in a crisis? -00:16:35.500 --> 00:16:37.967 -I KILLED THE JOHN! -I KILLED THE JOHN! +00:20:48.746 --> 00:20:50.270 +He's the head of the studio. -00:16:44.800 --> 00:16:46.833 -KILL! DESTROY! +00:20:50.381 --> 00:20:52.747 +He's reaching out. +We're 10,000 Miles away. -00:16:56.200 --> 00:16:57.667 -CAN YOU GIVE HIM YOUR GLASSES? +00:20:52.850 --> 00:20:53.942 +He just wants a little face-time. -00:16:57.733 --> 00:16:59.233 -BECAUSE I CAN'T. +00:20:54.051 --> 00:20:56.732 +I know, it's just you said +that he called it a crisis meeting. So... -00:16:59.300 --> 00:17:00.967 -I HAVE TO LOOK. +00:20:56.754 --> 00:20:59.154 +It's les Grossman. +He throws these words around. -00:17:01.067 --> 00:17:03.333 --YOU CAN'T SEE? --I'LL GIVE THEM BACK. +00:20:59.257 --> 00:21:03.660 +"Crisis," "explosion," +"not rolling," "fired." -00:17:03.400 --> 00:17:06.233 -A LITTLE BIT... +00:21:03.761 --> 00:21:05.092 +These are just words. -00:17:06.300 --> 00:17:11.067 -OH, BOY, THIS IS GOOD FOR ME. +00:21:05.196 --> 00:21:07.289 +Yeah! Yeah! -00:17:11.100 --> 00:17:12.300 -CAN YOU DIG IT IN YOUR EYES? +00:21:07.398 --> 00:21:10.697 +Keep a secret? A camera truck +in London just plowed into judi dench. -00:17:12.367 --> 00:17:13.500 -YOU'RE YOUNGER THAN ME. +00:21:10.801 --> 00:21:11.927 +Trust me, he's got bigger problems. -00:17:13.567 --> 00:17:16.167 -FORTY-FIVE, FORTY-EIGHT. +00:21:12.036 --> 00:21:14.504 +Look, he may be able to see me, +but I can't see him. -00:17:16.233 --> 00:17:19.600 -I'M SIXTY-SEVEN. +00:21:14.605 --> 00:21:19.133 +- Move! Move! Hello, les! Hello! +- Get your ass out of my... -00:17:19.667 --> 00:17:20.967 -I WISH I KNEW. -I WOULD GIVE YOU GLASSES. +00:21:19.243 --> 00:21:20.676 +- Your feet were on my desk. +- Can he see us? -00:17:21.067 --> 00:17:23.100 -I'D TAKE ANOTHER PAIR -FROM THE HOUSE. +00:21:20.778 --> 00:21:22.109 +I don't know why we don't have... -00:17:23.167 --> 00:17:26.067 -I DIDN'T THINK -I WOULD NEED THE GLASSES. +00:21:22.213 --> 00:21:24.374 +Get him a diet coke. Les! It's working! -00:17:30.167 --> 00:17:32.400 -I'M NOT SO YOUNG NO MORE, -REMEMBER. +00:21:24.482 --> 00:21:26.973 +Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. +Hello, les! -00:17:35.233 --> 00:17:37.500 -YOU DON'T SEE NOTHING? +00:21:27.084 --> 00:21:28.483 +- Hello, les! +- Okay. -00:17:37.567 --> 00:17:39.300 -I'M OLDER THAN YOU ARE, -I'LL SEE. +00:21:28.586 --> 00:21:30.645 +We got you loud and clear here, les. -00:17:39.367 --> 00:17:41.567 -I'LL MENTION THAT I SEE. +00:21:30.755 --> 00:21:34.452 +I see you. I see you. I see you. -00:17:49.333 --> 00:17:51.600 -YOU'RE DOING FINE. +00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:37.687 +Which one of you fuckfaces +is Damien cockburn? -00:17:51.667 --> 00:17:52.600 -YOU'RE DOING FINE. +00:21:38.696 --> 00:21:40.220 +That's me, sir. -00:17:52.667 --> 00:17:53.867 -YOU KNOW SOMETHING? +00:21:40.331 --> 00:21:43.858 +It's good to finally meet you at last, +get some face-time. -00:17:53.933 --> 00:17:56.467 -THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO -LOOK AT THE BOOK, RIGHT? +00:21:43.968 --> 00:21:47.927 +And who here is the key grip? +You? You. -00:17:56.533 --> 00:18:00.633 -SO SAY IT. SAY IT. +00:21:49.941 --> 00:21:53.399 +Hit that director in the face, +really fucking hard. -00:18:00.700 --> 00:18:03.533 -ALL RIGHT. +00:22:00.284 --> 00:22:01.615 +Sorry, man. -00:18:03.600 --> 00:18:05.467 -ALL RIGHT. GOOD. +00:22:08.125 --> 00:22:11.026 +This is your fault, you limey fuck! -00:18:05.533 --> 00:18:07.167 --GOOD. --BEAUTIFUL. +00:22:11.128 --> 00:22:12.993 +You shit the money-bed, my friend. -00:18:07.233 --> 00:18:08.400 -THANK YOU, THANK YOU. +00:22:13.097 --> 00:22:15.622 +- What? +- God damn it, Damien! -00:18:08.467 --> 00:18:09.633 -JUST NORMAL. +00:22:15.733 --> 00:22:18.827 +With all due respect, les Grossman did +not blow up the jungle. -00:18:09.700 --> 00:18:14.067 -YOU KNOW, NICE AND QUIET. -NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. +00:22:18.936 --> 00:22:20.028 +- What? +- Fuck the jungle. -00:18:14.133 --> 00:18:15.500 -DON'T RUSH. +00:22:20.137 --> 00:22:21.468 +Exactly! -00:18:33.067 --> 00:18:36.500 -MOTHER OF GOD, -I'M A FUCKING FUGITIVE. +00:22:22.173 --> 00:22:23.640 +Come on, man. -00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:53.400 -THIS IS THE PLACE! +00:22:24.375 --> 00:22:27.105 +Hey, les, I understand if you're angry, -00:18:53.467 --> 00:18:56.433 -I SAW HIM COME IN HERE! +00:22:27.211 --> 00:22:29.202 +but I am dealing +with a bunch of prima Donnas! -00:18:56.500 --> 00:18:58.600 -OH, MY GOD, -IT'S A SYNAGOGUE. +00:22:29.313 --> 00:22:32.805 +Clowns! Tugg speedman, he can't cry! +He can't cry! -00:18:58.667 --> 00:19:00.067 -WHAT KIND OF A PLACE IS THIS? +00:22:32.917 --> 00:22:35.317 +You know how you handle an actor? +They whine about anything, -00:19:00.067 --> 00:19:01.300 -A CHURCH? +00:22:35.419 --> 00:22:38.718 +you pull down their pants +and you spank their ass. -00:19:01.367 --> 00:19:02.800 -LISTEN, I CAN HEAR THEM. +00:22:38.823 --> 00:22:41.018 +- You spank that ass, les. +- What? -00:19:02.867 --> 00:19:04.167 -DON'T SOUND LIKE ENGLISH. +00:22:41.125 --> 00:22:44.891 +Spanking a child +turns him into a little snot. -00:19:04.233 --> 00:19:07.567 -ARE THEY PUERTO RICANS? +00:22:45.763 --> 00:22:48.664 +Fear makes him a man. -00:19:07.633 --> 00:19:10.333 -RALPH, -YOU'RE TRYING MY PATIENCE. +00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:54.296 +I know a place +where a man's worth is measured -00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:13.300 -YOU GO DOWN THAT AISLE, -I'LL GO DOWN THIS AISLE. +00:22:54.405 --> 00:22:58.205 +in the ears hanging from his dog tags. -00:19:13.367 --> 00:19:16.867 -IT'S ABOUT TIME -YOU SAID SOMETHING BRIGHT. +00:22:58.309 --> 00:23:01.039 +The real deep shit. -00:19:16.933 --> 00:19:17.800 -RALPH, PLEASE BE QUIET. +00:23:01.145 --> 00:23:03.739 +You wanna make this movie right? -00:19:17.867 --> 00:19:19.067 -IT'S MY PEOPLE. +00:23:03.848 --> 00:23:07.340 +That's where you take +your pansy-ass actors. -00:19:35.600 --> 00:19:36.567 --EXCUSE ME, RABBI. +00:23:08.919 --> 00:23:10.784 +Who is this guy? -00:19:36.633 --> 00:19:37.900 --THEY ALL GOT LONG HAIR. +00:23:10.888 --> 00:23:12.788 +Les, that's four leaf. -00:19:37.967 --> 00:19:39.467 --SORRY, RABBI. +00:23:12.890 --> 00:23:16.189 +Sergeant four leaf tayback. +I wrote the book. -00:19:39.533 --> 00:19:41.067 --THEY ALL GOT LONG CLOTHES. +00:23:18.396 --> 00:23:22.457 +You're a great American. +This nation owes you a huge debt. -00:19:41.100 --> 00:19:42.067 --EXCUSE ME. +00:23:22.566 --> 00:23:25.535 +Now shut the fuck up +and let me do my job! -00:19:42.133 --> 00:19:43.600 --MUST BE A HIPPIE CHURCH. +00:23:26.404 --> 00:23:27.871 +- Look, cockburn. +- Yes. -00:19:43.667 --> 00:19:45.667 -HI, RABBI. +00:23:27.972 --> 00:23:31.999 +From now on, my fist +is gonna be so far up your shithole -00:19:45.733 --> 00:19:47.433 -DID YOU SEE HIM? +00:23:32.109 --> 00:23:33.509 +that every time you have a thought, -00:19:47.500 --> 00:19:48.867 -SHH! +00:23:33.577 --> 00:23:36.603 +it's gonna have to tiptoe +past my wedding ring. -00:19:52.867 --> 00:19:56.633 -GOD. +00:23:36.714 --> 00:23:40.241 +Take control of your actors, +or I will shut you down. -00:19:56.700 --> 00:19:58.333 -RALPH, -WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? +00:23:40.351 --> 00:23:41.443 +Diet coke! -00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:01.033 -I AIN'T TALKING LOUD. +00:23:59.203 --> 00:24:01.398 +One week down, two weeks behind, -00:20:01.100 --> 00:20:03.333 -EXCUSE ME, RABBI. +00:24:01.505 --> 00:24:05.305 +gi Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you +ain't got the camera turned on anyway. -00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:04.333 -HI, MA. +00:24:05.409 --> 00:24:06.808 +Let's party! -00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:05.867 -EXCUSE ME, RABBI. +00:24:07.745 --> 00:24:09.645 +Man, you better get your shit straight, -00:20:05.933 --> 00:20:06.867 -UNCLE BEN, HOW ARE YOU? +00:24:09.747 --> 00:24:12.614 +or I'll be on the next netjet out of here, +baby. You feel me? -00:20:06.933 --> 00:20:10.333 -I'M CATCHING A CRIMINAL. +00:24:13.484 --> 00:24:14.484 +- You feel that? +- Yeah. -00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:12.500 -EXCUSE ME, RABB... -IT'S YOU. +00:24:14.552 --> 00:24:17.077 +Here comes another. +There we go. Now what? -00:20:12.567 --> 00:20:14.500 -DID YOU FIND HIM? +00:24:17.455 --> 00:24:19.787 +- Sandusky. Good. +- Hey, Mr. cockburn. -00:20:14.567 --> 00:20:16.600 -NO, HE WAS OVER THERE, BUT... +00:24:19.890 --> 00:24:21.755 +We need to have a cast meeting +right now. -00:20:20.767 --> 00:20:21.967 --BUT I WAS JUST TELLING YOU... +00:24:21.859 --> 00:24:23.156 +- Right now? Awesome. +- Yes. -00:20:22.033 --> 00:20:23.300 --CUT IT OUT! +00:24:23.260 --> 00:24:24.454 +You actually care, don't you? -00:20:23.367 --> 00:20:24.467 -BUT I WAS JUST... +00:24:24.562 --> 00:24:27.156 +Yeah, it's a huge deal for me, +are you kidding? -00:20:24.533 --> 00:20:26.800 -I AIN'T TALKING LOUD! +00:24:27.264 --> 00:24:29.232 +I've spent the past two years of my life -00:20:33.033 --> 00:20:35.400 -WHAT ARE YOU DOING? +00:24:29.333 --> 00:24:33.030 +living off residuals from a anti-herpes +medication commercial. -00:20:35.467 --> 00:20:37.400 -WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? +00:24:33.137 --> 00:24:34.297 +I know, you're the only one +who auditioned, -00:20:42.033 --> 00:20:43.900 -YOU SAVED MY LIFE! +00:24:34.405 --> 00:24:35.963 +the only one who did +the two-week boot camp. -00:20:56.933 --> 00:20:58.900 -WE INTERRUPT -THE ISRAELI-ARAB WAR +00:24:36.073 --> 00:24:37.734 +Hey, hey, alpa. -00:20:58.967 --> 00:21:00.767 -FOR THIS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. +00:24:38.442 --> 00:24:40.910 +I'm the director. He's... +I need to speak to my actor. -00:21:00.833 --> 00:21:02.333 -THE PRESIDENT, -AFTER CONFERRING +00:24:41.011 --> 00:24:42.239 +All right, hold up. Chino? -00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:04.967 -WITH THE ISRAELI -PRIME MINISTER GOLDA MEIR, +00:24:42.346 --> 00:24:44.109 +What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby? -00:21:05.067 --> 00:21:08.067 -HAS AGREED TO SEND MORE ARMS -AND EQUIPMENT TO ISRAEL +00:24:45.049 --> 00:24:46.539 +This about +the Booty sweat cross-promotion? -00:21:08.100 --> 00:21:10.767 -BASED ON THE RETURN OF -NEW YORK CITY AND LOS ANGELES +00:24:46.650 --> 00:24:47.674 +No, it's about the film. -00:21:10.833 --> 00:21:13.067 -TO THE UNITED STATES. +00:24:47.785 --> 00:24:49.776 +Oh, the film and Booty sweat's +the same thing. Give him a shot. -00:21:13.067 --> 00:21:15.633 -MAZEL TOV! MAZEL TOV! +00:24:50.154 --> 00:24:52.281 +Hey, how you doing, Jeff? -00:21:23.733 --> 00:21:26.133 -STOP, YOU MOTHERFUCKING CAT! +00:24:52.390 --> 00:24:55.848 +- Who are you? +- That's awesome, man. -00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:27.667 -STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW! +00:24:58.129 --> 00:25:02.862 +Kevin. Kevin sandusky. I play Brooklyn, +we've been working together. -00:21:27.733 --> 00:21:29.500 -STOP! +00:25:02.967 --> 00:25:04.559 +Oh, right, right. I like you. -00:21:44.267 --> 00:21:46.600 -STUPID, RALPH, -YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DANCE. +00:25:04.668 --> 00:25:06.636 +Man, it's a real honor to be here... -00:21:46.667 --> 00:21:48.367 -BUT I DIDN'T WANT -TO BREAK THE CIRCLE! +00:25:06.737 --> 00:25:08.034 +I can tell it's gonna be +a good experience. -00:21:48.433 --> 00:21:50.100 --YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DANCE. +00:25:08.139 --> 00:25:09.339 +I'm really having a good time. -00:21:50.167 --> 00:21:51.533 --I GOT MUSICAL FEET. +00:25:09.373 --> 00:25:11.000 +Hey, can you help me out, man? +I'm looking for this guy. -00:21:51.600 --> 00:21:53.500 -YOU DUMB ROOKIE. +00:25:11.108 --> 00:25:15.272 +The grip with the bandana. +He's got a package for me. -00:21:53.567 --> 00:21:55.200 -DUMB ROOKIE! +00:25:15.746 --> 00:25:18.146 +There he is, fucker. Dragon! -00:21:55.267 --> 00:21:57.433 -YOU DUMB ROOKIE! +00:25:19.250 --> 00:25:21.081 +What the fuck? Oh, buddy! -00:21:57.500 --> 00:21:59.100 -DUMB ROOKIE! +00:25:21.218 --> 00:25:22.583 +I'm gonna go shoot a video, right? -00:21:59.167 --> 00:22:02.333 -YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED -TO DANCE, RALPH, +00:25:22.686 --> 00:25:24.813 +I'm gonna have v.C. Soldiers +in the video -00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:05.167 -'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT JEWISH! +00:25:24.922 --> 00:25:26.219 +doing the noodle-legs, Damien. -00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:40.433 -I HAD A GREAT THING GOING TILL -THE FRIGGING FUZZ SHOWED UP. +00:25:26.323 --> 00:25:30.692 +Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing +the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien. -00:22:40.500 --> 00:22:42.700 -I WISH THAT SKINNY BROAD -DIDN'T TURN ON THE SHOWER, TOO. +00:25:30.928 --> 00:25:32.688 +It's good, I love it, great. +But I need to... -00:22:42.767 --> 00:22:46.067 -I THINK I'M GETTING A COLD. +00:25:32.696 --> 00:25:35.688 +V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby. +Hit it, baby. -00:22:46.133 --> 00:22:50.167 -HELLO, MEN. EVERYBODY STUDYING -FOR THEIR GODDAMN EXAMS? +00:25:35.833 --> 00:25:37.494 +Hell yeah, get it. Get it, cornbread. -00:22:50.233 --> 00:22:52.133 -HEY, BUZZ, HOW'D IT GO -WITH THAT DEE-DEE CHICK? +00:25:39.670 --> 00:25:40.830 +Alpa! -00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:53.467 -SHE'S GOT SOME BOD, +00:25:40.938 --> 00:25:42.418 +Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone. -00:22:53.533 --> 00:22:55.300 -YOU HAVE TO ADMIT. +00:25:42.473 --> 00:25:43.473 +Hello? Yo, yo, Donny! -00:22:55.367 --> 00:22:57.167 -CHARLENE ISN'T BAD, -EITHER, THOUGH, RIGHT? +00:25:43.541 --> 00:25:45.661 +Can we call him back? +I've got to have a cast meeting. -00:22:57.233 --> 00:22:59.867 -LIKE WOW! +00:25:49.146 --> 00:25:51.478 +When we put aside our differences, -00:23:00.067 --> 00:23:02.700 -HINES! -YOU SWINE, OLD BUDDY PIG! +00:25:51.582 --> 00:25:54.449 +we see we're kind of the same. -00:23:02.767 --> 00:23:03.800 -YOU GROOVE BEHIND ALVINA, +00:25:55.352 --> 00:25:58.879 +When we put aside our differences, +we see -00:23:03.867 --> 00:23:05.600 -GET SOME KICKS TONIGHT? +00:26:00.558 --> 00:26:02.423 +we're kind of the same. -00:23:09.400 --> 00:23:11.633 -BASTARDS. YOU'D THINK -THE GODDAMN EXAMS WAS THE BE-ALL +00:26:03.194 --> 00:26:04.991 +Let's be friends. -00:23:11.700 --> 00:23:13.600 -AND END-ALL OF EXISTENCE. +00:26:05.296 --> 00:26:07.924 +I know we can do great things together. -00:23:13.667 --> 00:23:16.433 -COSMIC LIFE FORCE -OR SOMETHING. +00:26:10.034 --> 00:26:13.800 +That's a quotation from +a children's book I co-wrote, -00:23:16.500 --> 00:23:19.267 -YOU'D THINK THEY WERE -THE FRIGGING FUGITIVES. +00:26:14.572 --> 00:26:16.699 +the boy everybody was jealous of. -00:23:19.333 --> 00:23:22.100 -CAN'T EVEN GET IN -A FEW DECENT WORDS TO A GUY. +00:26:16.807 --> 00:26:18.536 +I think it pertains to the journey... -00:23:22.167 --> 00:23:24.267 -BASTARDS. +00:26:18.642 --> 00:26:19.973 +Simple Jack sucked ass! -00:23:24.333 --> 00:23:25.933 -WHAT A BORE, -THEY JUST SIT THERE... +00:26:21.045 --> 00:26:23.445 +All right, who said that? It's not funny. -00:23:26.067 --> 00:23:27.167 -AND TAKE BENNIES +00:26:23.547 --> 00:26:25.310 +Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay? -00:23:27.233 --> 00:23:28.900 -AND STAY UP ALL NIGHT -WITH THEIR FACE STUCK +00:26:32.623 --> 00:26:35.319 +When the herd loses its way, -00:23:28.967 --> 00:23:31.967 -IN A BUNCH OF BOOKS -AND THEIR THUMB UP THEIR ASS. +00:26:35.426 --> 00:26:39.863 +the Shepherd must kill +the bull that leads them astray. -00:23:32.067 --> 00:23:34.200 -YES, YES, -I REMEMBER THE TIME +00:26:41.699 --> 00:26:44.964 +- Four leaf? +- Come on over. It's okay. -00:23:34.267 --> 00:23:36.933 -WHEN IT WAS ALL VERY INSPIRING -AND ENLIGHTENING, +00:26:46.637 --> 00:26:48.127 +- Sit down. +- Yes. -00:23:37.067 --> 00:23:41.067 -ALL THIS HISTORY AND LITERATURE -AND SOCIOLOGY SHIT. +00:26:49.540 --> 00:26:54.637 +- So, you don't like the hotel? +- Beds give me nightmares. -00:23:41.100 --> 00:23:42.900 -YOU THINK LEARNING -IS A REALLY BIG THING +00:26:59.683 --> 00:27:04.882 +I'm guessing right about now +you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin -00:23:42.967 --> 00:23:44.967 -AND YOU BECOME -THIS BIG FUCKING INTELLECTUAL +00:27:04.989 --> 00:27:09.323 +with an Ohio hooker holding your prick +and showing you the way. -00:23:45.067 --> 00:23:47.067 -AND SIT AROUND TRYING -TO OUT-INTELLECTUAL +00:27:16.133 --> 00:27:17.464 +What? -00:23:47.133 --> 00:23:49.733 -ALL THE OTHER BIG -FUCKING INTELLECTUALS. +00:27:17.701 --> 00:27:19.293 +You're a riddle -00:23:49.800 --> 00:23:52.167 -YOU SPEND YEARS AND YEARS -WITH YOUR NOSE BURIED +00:27:20.804 --> 00:27:23.739 +with no cheese to maze through. -00:23:52.233 --> 00:23:54.633 -IN THESE GODDAMN TOMES +00:27:25.643 --> 00:27:26.643 +Don't you get it? -00:23:54.700 --> 00:23:59.067 -WHILE THE WORLD -IS PASSING YOU BY. +00:27:26.710 --> 00:27:30.441 +No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse +or something. I don't know. -00:23:59.067 --> 00:24:01.067 -ALL THE STUFF TO SEE... +00:27:30.548 --> 00:27:34.484 +I put my story in your limp brit hands, -00:24:01.100 --> 00:24:02.800 -AND ALL THE KICKS... +00:27:34.585 --> 00:27:38.021 +and you are not going to fail me. -00:24:02.867 --> 00:24:05.200 -AND ALL THE GIRLS -ARE OUT THERE. +00:27:38.122 --> 00:27:41.717 +You think I was just blowing +my own bagpipe in that meeting? -00:24:05.267 --> 00:24:07.100 -AND ME, A WRITER! +00:27:41.825 --> 00:27:45.659 +You must put those boys in the shit. -00:24:07.167 --> 00:24:09.367 -AND A POET WHO SHOULD BE -HAVING ADVENTURES +00:27:45.763 --> 00:27:47.321 +What? I don't understand. -00:24:09.433 --> 00:24:11.333 -AND EXPERIENCING -ALL THE DIVERSITIES +00:27:47.431 --> 00:27:50.696 +- You wanna make your movie or not? +- Yes, I do. -00:24:11.400 --> 00:24:13.767 -AND PARADOXES -AND IRONIES OF LIFE, +00:27:50.801 --> 00:27:54.293 +All right, you get +some of those little video type cameras. -00:24:13.833 --> 00:24:17.067 -AND PASSING OVER -ALL THE ROADS OF THE WORLD! +00:27:54.405 --> 00:27:58.034 +We take them out there, and we put +them in the trees in different angles. -00:24:17.100 --> 00:24:21.667 -AND DIGGING ALL THE CITIES -AND TOWNS AND RIVERS +00:27:58.142 --> 00:28:01.475 +Then you give me +and that pyromaniac Cody -00:24:21.733 --> 00:24:24.767 -AND THE OCEANS AND... +00:28:01.579 --> 00:28:06.448 +all the smoke bombs, charges, +explosives, detonators you got. -00:24:24.833 --> 00:24:27.467 -MAKING ALL OF THEM CHICKS. +00:28:06.550 --> 00:28:08.984 +Then we take those boys up there, -00:24:27.533 --> 00:24:30.900 -OH, GOD. +00:28:09.086 --> 00:28:12.180 +me and Cody, +we could light up that fucking jungle, -00:24:30.967 --> 00:24:33.600 -AS A WRITER AND A POET, -IT IS MY DUTY TO GET OUT THERE +00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:15.224 +so those lily-dick actors +would be shitting their pants -00:24:33.667 --> 00:24:35.200 -AND DIG THE WORLD... +00:28:15.326 --> 00:28:17.317 +and screaming for their mammies. -00:24:35.267 --> 00:24:36.967 -TO SWIM IN -THE WHOLE FRIGGING SCENE, +00:28:17.428 --> 00:28:20.886 +They'd be begging for a body bag +if it means a ride home. -00:24:37.067 --> 00:24:40.067 -WHILE THERE IS -STILL TIME, MAN. +00:28:23.734 --> 00:28:25.258 +I could do it. -00:24:40.067 --> 00:24:42.100 -MY FARTING AROUND DAYS -ARE OVER, BABY. +00:28:26.036 --> 00:28:29.472 +I could shoot the whole thing +guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty. -00:24:42.167 --> 00:24:46.833 -FROM THIS DAY ON, I SHALL LIVE -EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS MY LAST. +00:28:29.573 --> 00:28:32.906 +Get them away from their helpers +and ass-licking assistants. -00:24:46.900 --> 00:24:48.733 -YEAH, I MUST DO IT! +00:28:33.010 --> 00:28:34.102 +Put them in the real shit. -00:24:48.800 --> 00:24:51.533 -NO MORE OF THE DREARY, -BORING CLASSES, +00:28:34.211 --> 00:28:35.405 +- Real shit. +- With real fear in their eyes! -00:24:51.600 --> 00:24:52.900 -DISMAL LECTURES, +00:28:35.512 --> 00:28:38.572 +Real fear, real emotion! +Yes, four leaf, yes! -00:24:52.967 --> 00:24:54.300 -SITTING AROUND BULLSHITTING +00:28:38.682 --> 00:28:40.775 +- Yes! Yes! +- Yes! Yes! -00:24:54.367 --> 00:24:56.300 -WITH PRETENTIOUS -FAT-ASS HIPPIES. +00:28:40.884 --> 00:28:42.647 +Take them off the fucking grid! -00:24:56.367 --> 00:24:57.400 -NO MORE OF THE BOOKS, +00:29:00.104 --> 00:29:02.868 +You are no longer actors in a movie! -00:24:57.467 --> 00:24:59.600 -THE SPOUTINGS OF -A BUNCH OF OLD FARTS +00:29:03.974 --> 00:29:06.704 +You are five men in a helicopter! -00:24:59.667 --> 00:25:03.167 -WHO THINK THEY KNOW -THE WHOLE GODDAMN SCORE. +00:29:08.479 --> 00:29:10.242 +With three other men! -00:25:09.133 --> 00:25:10.967 -OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE? +00:29:15.886 --> 00:29:17.410 +How long are we gonna be gone, +anyways? -00:25:15.467 --> 00:25:17.433 -I SET ALL MY NOTES -AND BOOKS ON FIRE +00:29:17.521 --> 00:29:21.582 +'Cause I left most of my vitamins +back at the hotel. -00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:20.100 -AND NOW I CAN'T STUDY -FOR MY EXAMS. +00:29:21.692 --> 00:29:24.252 +- Save your breath, maggots! +- That's right, maggots! -00:25:20.167 --> 00:25:22.833 -I'LL FLUNK OUT, -AND MY FOLKS WILL BE PISSED OFF. +00:29:36.340 --> 00:29:37.602 +M&M? -00:25:26.333 --> 00:25:29.900 -I'LL GET A BLANKET. +00:29:39.510 --> 00:29:40.807 +M&M? -00:25:29.967 --> 00:25:32.600 -THE BLANKET'S ON FIRE. +00:30:00.597 --> 00:30:04.133 +Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! -00:25:32.667 --> 00:25:34.900 -WE BETTER CALL -THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. +00:30:04.568 --> 00:30:07.731 +Move it, maggots, move! +Move, grunts, move your ass! -00:25:45.267 --> 00:25:49.533 -BO DIDDLEY BUY HIS BABY -A DIAMOND RING +00:30:07.838 --> 00:30:10.136 +Get out, you wriggly worms! -00:25:49.600 --> 00:25:54.067 -IF THAT DIAMOND RING -DON'T SHINE +00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:12.708 +- It's up too high! +- Move, move, move! -00:25:54.100 --> 00:25:55.067 -HE GONNA TAKE IT +00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:17.909 +See you in hell! -00:25:55.100 --> 00:25:58.500 -TO A PRIVATE EYE +00:30:29.426 --> 00:30:33.624 +This is bullshit! +I gotta at least call my fucking assistant. -00:25:58.567 --> 00:26:03.200 -IF THAT PRIVATE EYE -CAN'T SEE +00:30:34.898 --> 00:30:37.628 +Fucking! Jesus! Dude! -00:26:03.267 --> 00:26:05.667 -HE BETTER NOT TAKE -THAT RING FROM ME +00:30:39.103 --> 00:30:41.333 +You're sitting on a nest +of hostile enemy v.C. -00:26:23.433 --> 00:26:27.900 -BO DIDDLEY CAUGHT HIM -A NANNY GOAT +00:30:41.438 --> 00:30:44.874 +Congratulations, fats. +You just got us all killed. -00:26:27.967 --> 00:26:32.600 -TO MAKE HIS PRETTY BABY -A SUNDAY COAT +00:30:45.876 --> 00:30:49.471 +Anybody else care to give away +our position to Charlie? -00:26:32.667 --> 00:26:36.967 -BO DIDDLEY CAUGHT HIM -A BEAR CAT +00:30:49.580 --> 00:30:51.343 +Cell phones! -00:26:37.067 --> 00:26:39.567 -TO MAKE HIS PRETTY BABY -A SUNDAY HAT +00:30:51.448 --> 00:30:52.915 +What the hell, Damien? -00:27:21.933 --> 00:27:26.133 -MAYBE SOMEDAY -YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE +00:30:53.016 --> 00:30:56.713 +Weren't no cell phones in '69, man. +I'm head-to-toe legitimate. -00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:30.900 -AS I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU, -BABY +00:30:56.820 --> 00:31:00.221 +Gentlemen, I've got good news +and bad news. -00:27:30.967 --> 00:27:32.867 -THE ONE YOU LOVE +00:31:00.324 --> 00:31:03.816 +The studio wants to shut us down. +That's the bad news. -00:27:32.933 --> 00:27:36.733 -JUST KEEP FALLING IN LOVE -WITH YOU +00:31:03.961 --> 00:31:06.259 +And the good news. -00:27:36.800 --> 00:27:40.500 -THEN WHEN -YOU ALL ALONE +00:31:06.363 --> 00:31:09.264 +If you wanna save this movie, +you will become a unit. -00:27:40.567 --> 00:27:42.967 -YOU KNOW IT'D BE BEST, BABY +00:31:09.366 --> 00:31:13.132 +Your objective is to head north +to the d'ang kwook river -00:27:43.067 --> 00:27:44.300 -YOU CAN SING LIKE THAT. +00:31:13.237 --> 00:31:14.727 +and liberate the pow camp, -00:27:44.367 --> 00:27:47.667 -LITTLE COQUETTE, I LOVE YOU +00:31:14.838 --> 00:31:18.103 +at which point four leaf +will get himself captured, -00:27:47.733 --> 00:27:48.733 -SING, 'CAUSE I WANT TO... +00:31:18.208 --> 00:31:20.005 +at which point you will rescue him, -00:27:48.800 --> 00:27:51.167 -IF I GET TIRED, I QUIT. +00:31:20.110 --> 00:31:23.477 +at which point +we will chopper you home! -00:27:51.233 --> 00:27:52.867 -BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO SING. +00:31:24.681 --> 00:31:25.773 +Damn. -00:27:52.933 --> 00:27:54.333 -I WANT TO SING, MAN. +00:31:25.883 --> 00:31:27.680 +Four leaf, +since you're the staff sergeant, -00:27:54.400 --> 00:27:55.433 -I'M GOOD. +00:31:27.785 --> 00:31:30.185 +there's the map, this is the scene list. -00:27:55.500 --> 00:27:56.900 -YOU SING AS GOOD AS YOU WANT. +00:31:30.287 --> 00:31:32.414 +Think you can handle it? -00:27:56.967 --> 00:27:58.233 -IF I GET TIRED, I QUIT. +00:31:32.523 --> 00:31:36.721 +We have rigged this entire +valley of death with hidden cameras. -00:27:58.300 --> 00:28:00.667 -I WENT TO SCHOOL IN OAKLAND... +00:31:38.195 --> 00:31:41.824 +And I will be shooting as well, +from unseen vantage points, -00:28:00.733 --> 00:28:05.733 -AND I HAD QUITE A FEW WHITE-TYPE -OF SCHOOL KIDS WITH ME. +00:31:41.932 --> 00:31:45.527 +so that every glorious moment +is captured on film. -00:28:05.800 --> 00:28:08.300 -I'M FORTY-NINE. +00:31:46.804 --> 00:31:49.967 +And believe me, gentlemen, +it will be glorious. -00:28:08.367 --> 00:28:12.733 -AT THAT TIME, I HAD WHITE KIDS -GOING TO SCHOOL WITH ME. +00:31:50.073 --> 00:31:52.598 +If it looks real, +chances are it probably is. -00:28:12.800 --> 00:28:16.367 -I WOULD HAVE PEANUT BUTTER. +00:31:52.709 --> 00:31:54.301 +You wanted to be actors. -00:28:16.433 --> 00:28:18.567 -I GOT SOME PEANUT BUTTER, DON'T -LIE, I DON'T WANT IT... +00:31:54.411 --> 00:31:57.005 +You wanted to occupy +the skin of another human being. -00:28:18.633 --> 00:28:21.700 -BUT I ATE SO MUCH WHEN -MY MOTHER GAVE IT TO ME. +00:31:57.114 --> 00:32:00.106 +Well, get ready to occupy the skin +of a terrified U.S. infantry grunt, -00:28:21.767 --> 00:28:23.533 -WITH APPLE BUTTER. +00:32:00.217 --> 00:32:03.983 +surrounded by death, +crawling up Satan's bottom. -00:28:23.600 --> 00:28:26.367 -I GOT TWO CANS OF IT NOW. +00:32:05.022 --> 00:32:09.721 +There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, +your own little personal slice of 'nam. -00:28:26.433 --> 00:28:29.500 -THAT I DON'T EAT BECAUSE... +00:32:09.827 --> 00:32:14.423 +This radio goes to the chopper +and the chopper only. -00:28:29.567 --> 00:28:31.333 -WHITEY WAS EATING -HAM SANDWICHES, +00:32:14.531 --> 00:32:18.968 +The chopper is God, +and I am Jesus Christ, his son. -00:28:31.400 --> 00:28:35.500 -AND I WAS EATING -PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES. +00:32:19.069 --> 00:32:21.765 +You are my chosen disciples. -00:28:35.567 --> 00:28:38.433 -SANDWICHES! +00:32:21.872 --> 00:32:24.898 +And no one gets to go home +till we get the shots. -00:28:38.500 --> 00:28:40.900 -I GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN -FOR SOME SOUTHERN TIMES. +00:32:25.008 --> 00:32:28.034 +Put on your war faces, gentlemen. -00:28:40.967 --> 00:28:42.933 -LET ME OUT OF HERE. -THAT'S RIGHT. +00:32:28.145 --> 00:32:32.844 +Now, let's go and make +the greatest war movie ever! -00:28:43.067 --> 00:28:46.900 -SUCK! THE BUS ONLY COST -$17 TO NEW YORK. +00:32:32.950 --> 00:32:35.282 +- Yeah! +- All right! -00:28:46.967 --> 00:28:47.967 -I SAY, "I AIN'T MADE +00:32:54.037 --> 00:32:55.095 +Yeah! -00:28:48.067 --> 00:28:52.700 -$17 IN TWO WEEKS." +00:33:00.544 --> 00:33:01.602 +Yeah! -00:28:52.767 --> 00:28:54.500 -GOT AIR TO LIVE. +00:33:14.157 --> 00:33:16.057 +Not bad, cockburn! -00:29:02.500 --> 00:29:06.867 -RIDING A SHIP -COMING OUT OF PEARL HARBOR. +00:33:17.895 --> 00:33:19.089 +Not bad. -00:29:08.867 --> 00:29:12.167 -AND ALL MY WHITE FRIENDS... +00:33:20.797 --> 00:33:22.389 +Wherever you are! -00:29:12.233 --> 00:29:16.900 -THEN WE DRANK WATER -OUT OF THE DITCHES. +00:33:24.401 --> 00:33:27.461 +Wherever he is? +Looks like he's all over the place. -00:29:16.967 --> 00:29:18.067 -IF I HAD A K-RATION, +00:33:29.273 --> 00:33:31.173 +Here we go. -00:29:18.133 --> 00:29:21.067 -I GAVE THEM SOME OF IT. +00:33:31.275 --> 00:33:33.300 +Must be an old French mine. -00:29:21.067 --> 00:29:23.233 -AND... +00:33:33.410 --> 00:33:36.868 +It's a remnant from colonial indo-China. +This jungle must be full of them. -00:29:23.300 --> 00:29:25.200 -I WOULD RIDE THIS BUS. +00:33:38.949 --> 00:33:42.407 +Don't you get it? +He's messing with our heads. -00:29:25.267 --> 00:29:28.367 -I COULDN'T SIT WITH MY FRIEND -ON THIS BUS AT HOUSTON, TEXAS. +00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:44.544 +That's what all that +playing God stuff was about. -00:29:28.433 --> 00:29:30.267 -I HAD TO RIDE -AT THE BACK END OF THIS BUS. +00:33:44.655 --> 00:33:47.215 +He's trying to get us to act good, +save the movie. -00:29:30.333 --> 00:29:31.967 -I'M ABOUT TO GET HOT NOW. +00:33:47.324 --> 00:33:50.350 +He ain't playing God. +He's being judged by him. -00:29:32.067 --> 00:29:33.333 -AS A MATTER OF FACT... +00:33:54.364 --> 00:33:57.060 +That's our objective. +Complete the mission. -00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:37.133 -YOU COULDN'T EVEN GO NO PLACE -DOWN SOUTH RIDING A BUS. +00:34:03.273 --> 00:34:06.174 +No offense, kirk, +I know you're the big fancy actor here, -00:29:43.500 --> 00:29:45.667 -COULDN'T EVEN GET A SODA... -WALK IN THERE +00:34:06.276 --> 00:34:10.178 +but I've done a lot more effects-driven +event films than you. Okay? -00:29:45.733 --> 00:29:47.600 -AND GET YOU A SANDWICH. +00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:11.679 +And I think I can spot -00:29:52.267 --> 00:29:54.067 -I DON'T GIVE A DAMN -ABOUT WHO'S RACIST. +00:34:13.784 --> 00:34:15.308 +a prop head when I see one. -00:29:54.067 --> 00:29:55.500 -I JUST WANT EQUALITY. +00:34:15.419 --> 00:34:16.909 +Oh, Jesus. -00:29:55.567 --> 00:29:56.767 -BE EQUAL WITH THE NEXT GUY, +00:34:18.121 --> 00:34:21.613 +It's corn syrup, guys. +Corn syrup and latex. -00:29:56.833 --> 00:29:58.400 -BECAUSE I'M PAYING MY TAXES. +00:34:24.828 --> 00:34:27.956 +Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup. -00:29:58.467 --> 00:29:59.533 -THAT'S A DIFFERENT THING NOW. +00:34:28.065 --> 00:34:29.191 +Oh, God. -00:29:59.600 --> 00:30:00.667 -I'M A WORKING MAN, +00:34:29.833 --> 00:34:32.961 +Smoke and mirrors, guys. +Welcome to the movie factory. -00:30:00.733 --> 00:30:01.733 -AND I'M PAYING MY TAXES. +00:34:33.070 --> 00:34:34.264 +Oldest trick in the book. -00:30:01.800 --> 00:30:03.867 -THE MONEY IS WHAT'S HAPPENING. +00:34:36.273 --> 00:34:37.570 +He getting down now. -00:30:03.933 --> 00:30:05.533 -SEE WHAT I MEAN? +00:34:37.674 --> 00:34:39.039 +Oh, my God! -00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:06.500 -IT ALL COUNTS... +00:34:41.845 --> 00:34:43.904 +Whoa, look at me! -00:30:06.567 --> 00:30:07.600 -WHEN IS WHAT'S HAPPENING. +00:34:44.014 --> 00:34:45.481 +You're going to get the shots, -00:30:07.667 --> 00:30:09.100 -I'M TALKING ABOUT -AS FAR AS, LIKE, +00:34:45.582 --> 00:34:48.574 +and I'm going to make sure +because I'm the director. -00:30:09.167 --> 00:30:11.200 -IF YOU WANT -TO BE REVOLUTIONARY, +00:34:48.685 --> 00:34:50.812 +I'm from London. I direct plays. -00:30:11.267 --> 00:30:14.167 -YOU GET SOME BREAD FIRST, -AND THEN YOU CAN TALK TRASH. +00:34:50.921 --> 00:34:53.947 +Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on! -00:30:14.233 --> 00:30:17.100 -WHITEY BLIND US WITH RELIGION. +00:35:03.967 --> 00:35:05.662 +Look, I'm Dave Beckham. -00:30:19.933 --> 00:30:21.433 -IF YOU FIGHT -VIOLENCE WITH VIOLENCE, +00:35:15.312 --> 00:35:17.712 +So, we gotta +light these boys up today, huh? -00:30:21.500 --> 00:30:25.500 -LIKE THE LATE MALCOLM DID, -YOU'LL GET SOME RESULTS. +00:35:17.814 --> 00:35:20.009 +Blow some sense into these young men. -00:30:25.567 --> 00:30:26.567 -RIGHT. +00:35:20.984 --> 00:35:23.885 +Hey, I don't want to come off +as weird or anything, -00:30:26.633 --> 00:30:27.933 -BECAUSE BEFORE -THIS RIOTING AND SHIT, +00:35:23.987 --> 00:35:27.923 +but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah. -00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:30.467 -YOU DIDN'T HAVE -NO HEAD START PROGRAMS FOR KIDS. +00:35:29.292 --> 00:35:32.784 +Tropic thunder. +Kind of like my catcher in the rye. -00:30:30.533 --> 00:30:32.433 -YOU DIDN'T HAVE SHIT! +00:35:34.031 --> 00:35:36.261 +Yeah, I've never been in the military, +per se, -00:30:32.500 --> 00:30:35.933 -REALLY. YOU DIDN'T HAVE -A GODDAMN THING. +00:35:36.366 --> 00:35:38.800 +but I have lost an appendage +in the line of duty. -00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:38.967 -GOT YOU DOWN IN HARLEM -SELLING HORSEMEAT. +00:35:40.604 --> 00:35:42.834 +Driving miss Daisy, first studio gig. -00:30:39.033 --> 00:30:40.567 -YOU KNOW, -IF ONE OF THEM MOTHERFUCKERS +00:35:43.607 --> 00:35:44.665 +Yeah. -00:30:40.633 --> 00:30:43.700 -DOWN AND OUT SELLING -HORSEMEAT, THEY DEAD. +00:35:45.175 --> 00:35:47.973 +It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. +What is it? -00:30:43.767 --> 00:30:46.300 --ANOTHER CIVIL WAR. --CIVIL WAR. +00:35:48.078 --> 00:35:49.739 +I don't know what it's called. -00:30:46.367 --> 00:30:48.900 -AND I'M GONNA BE -STANDING BACK, +00:35:50.881 --> 00:35:55.614 +I just know the sound it makes +when it takes a man's life. -00:30:48.967 --> 00:30:50.600 -"GET 'EM, BABY!" +00:35:58.755 --> 00:35:59.813 +Okay. -00:31:00.267 --> 00:31:02.133 -HEY, MAN, YOU IN A BAG? +00:36:00.390 --> 00:36:01.630 +Damien, we're go for explosion. -00:31:02.200 --> 00:31:03.167 -YEAH, THAT'S IT. +00:36:01.725 --> 00:36:04.523 +Ready to kick the tires +and light the fires on your say-so. -00:31:03.233 --> 00:31:04.567 -I'M IN A BAG. +00:36:04.628 --> 00:36:06.357 +Damien, we're go for explosion. -00:31:04.633 --> 00:31:06.300 -JUST DON'T LOSE -YOUR COOLNESS, CAT, +00:36:07.497 --> 00:36:08.521 +Do you copy? -00:31:06.367 --> 00:31:08.967 -I MEAN, -DON'T LOSE YOUR COOLNESS. +00:36:08.632 --> 00:36:11.499 +I got an itchy trigger finger here, +and I'm ready to blow some shit up. -00:31:16.333 --> 00:31:17.433 -EASY FOR YOU TO TALK. +00:36:11.601 --> 00:36:15.230 +All right, you happy now? +Can we do the scene? -00:31:17.500 --> 00:31:18.833 -YOU'RE A CROW. +00:36:15.338 --> 00:36:17.966 +Or do you need a formal invitation? +Come on, let's go! -00:31:18.900 --> 00:31:21.200 -I WISH I WAS A CROW. +00:36:19.776 --> 00:36:20.868 +Here. Okay. -00:31:21.267 --> 00:31:23.367 -IF I WAS A CROW, -I'D FLY AWAY, MAN. +00:36:20.977 --> 00:36:23.172 +"Scene 12, exterior, +jungle clearing, day, ambush. -00:31:23.433 --> 00:31:26.467 -I'D FLY AWAY FROM -THIS MISERABLE TOWN FOR GOOD. +00:36:28.718 --> 00:36:30.652 +"Four leaf notices +movement in the brush. -00:31:34.300 --> 00:31:37.333 -YOU THINK BEING A CROW -IS A BIG MOTHERFUCKING BALL? +00:36:30.754 --> 00:36:33.780 +"A dozen guerrilla fighters +can be seen moving in the tree line. -00:31:37.400 --> 00:31:41.167 -ALL YOU CATS THE SAME, MAN. +00:36:33.890 --> 00:36:36.450 +"Somewhere a mine explodes." +And you. -00:31:41.233 --> 00:31:42.400 -YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS. +00:36:37.794 --> 00:36:39.819 +"I got a bad feeling on this one." -00:31:42.467 --> 00:31:44.700 -THERE'S NOBODY TO TELL YOU -WHERE IT'S AT. +00:36:39.930 --> 00:36:41.420 +- Yeah. +- No, that's your line. -00:31:44.767 --> 00:31:47.067 -AND YOU COME UP HERE, -TRY TO FIND OUT WHERE IT'S AT, +00:36:41.531 --> 00:36:44.398 +- I got... now? +- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared. -00:31:47.067 --> 00:31:50.800 -BUT YOU GOT TO BE UP HERE, MAN, -TO FIND OUT WHAT'S HAPPENING. +00:36:44.501 --> 00:36:47.231 +- "I got a bad feeling on this one." +- Dude, wait, like how? -00:31:50.867 --> 00:31:53.067 -I KNOW IT ISN'T A BALL, MAN. +00:36:47.337 --> 00:36:49.168 +"I got a bad feeling on this one." -00:31:53.133 --> 00:31:55.533 -I STUDIED THE RACE PROBLEMS. -I KNOW. +00:36:49.272 --> 00:36:51.365 +- Okay. +- Action. Go, come on. -00:31:55.600 --> 00:31:57.900 -YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING -ABOUT THE RACE PROBLEM. +00:37:00.383 --> 00:37:03.250 +I got a bad feeling +on this one there, fats. -00:31:57.967 --> 00:32:00.333 -GOT TO BE A CROW TO KNOW -ABOUT THE RACE PROBLEM. +00:37:04.588 --> 00:37:07.989 +Our asses don't get fragged +in this bullshit valley, -00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:01.333 -YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? +00:37:08.091 --> 00:37:09.922 +first thing I'm doing +is paying my two bucks -00:32:01.400 --> 00:32:02.333 -DO YOU DIG WHERE I'M AT? +00:37:10.026 --> 00:37:11.653 +so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry -00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:04.800 -YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? +00:37:11.761 --> 00:37:14.457 +on a sweet little mama-San's +dinky dau poontang. -00:32:04.867 --> 00:32:08.500 -MAN, THIS THING AFFECTS ME -VERY DEEPLY, FELLA. +00:37:14.564 --> 00:37:17.465 +Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged +before he get any cooch. -00:32:08.567 --> 00:32:11.533 -AS A CAT, I HAVE -A CONSIDERABLE GUILT COMPLEX +00:37:17.567 --> 00:37:20.798 +He die, he probably die +a coochless motherfucker. -00:32:11.600 --> 00:32:14.633 -BECAUSE MY KIND HAVE ALWAYS -BROUGHT SUFFERING ON YOUR KIND. +00:37:20.904 --> 00:37:22.303 +Zip it, motown. -00:32:14.700 --> 00:32:16.400 --YEAH? --YEAH. +00:37:22.405 --> 00:37:23.963 +Don't you worry, Brooklyn. -00:32:36.067 --> 00:32:39.867 -YES, INDEED, MY SOUL -IS TORTURED AND TORMENTED +00:37:24.074 --> 00:37:26.133 +You got a lot of days of fucking +ahead of you. -00:32:39.933 --> 00:32:42.167 -BY THIS RACIAL CRISIS. +00:37:28.245 --> 00:37:29.837 +Man, I'm thirsty. -00:32:42.233 --> 00:32:43.900 -NO SHIT? +00:37:30.947 --> 00:37:35.907 +Might as well have some of this +Booty sweat I got back in danang. -00:32:43.967 --> 00:32:45.200 -I KID YOU NOT, MAN. +00:37:36.786 --> 00:37:40.278 +Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead! -00:32:45.267 --> 00:32:47.433 -SOMETIMES I REALLY GET -HUNG UP ABOUT IT. +00:37:40.390 --> 00:37:42.187 +Ain't no criss angel mindfreak, -00:32:47.500 --> 00:32:49.233 -YOU KNOW, UPTIGHT. +00:37:42.292 --> 00:37:45.625 +David Blaine trapdoor +horseshit jumping off here! -00:32:49.300 --> 00:32:50.733 --STRUNG OUT. --IN A BAG? +00:37:45.729 --> 00:37:49.495 +Hey! You wanna get on the train here, +or do you wanna ruin another take? -00:32:50.800 --> 00:32:52.700 -YEAH, IN A BAG! +00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:52.932 +There ain't no goddamn takes, +ain't no goddamn motion picture! -00:33:19.933 --> 00:33:21.533 -I'M GONNA BUY YOU A DRINK, CAT. +00:37:53.904 --> 00:37:55.667 +- You sure? +- Yeah. -00:33:21.600 --> 00:33:23.567 -JUST 'CAUSE I THINK -YOU GOT COOLNESS. +00:37:55.772 --> 00:37:57.569 +- Yeah? +- For certain, man. -00:33:23.633 --> 00:33:24.633 -GREAT. +00:37:57.674 --> 00:37:59.574 +Then why are you still in character? -00:33:24.700 --> 00:33:27.067 -HEY, BOY, CAN I HAVE A DRINK? +00:38:01.144 --> 00:38:03.112 +I know, but I don't have to tell you. -00:33:30.467 --> 00:33:32.633 -OH, MAN! +00:38:04.247 --> 00:38:05.305 +You don't know. -00:34:11.267 --> 00:34:12.733 -HEY, DUKE! +00:38:05.415 --> 00:38:08.350 +Man, I don't drop character +till I done a DVD commentary. -00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:16.067 -HEY, DUKE! +00:38:11.121 --> 00:38:13.282 +You happy now? +We're out of position for the effects! -00:34:16.067 --> 00:34:18.333 -HEY, DUKE, THEY'S BLOWING POT -LIKE MAD +00:38:13.390 --> 00:38:15.119 +Get down, fool! -00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:19.967 -UP IN MILDRED'S PAD! +00:38:16.826 --> 00:38:19.727 +Didn't anyone read the script? +This is the ambush! -00:34:27.667 --> 00:34:29.433 -I'M ON MY WAY, MAN. +00:38:21.131 --> 00:38:24.794 +- This feels pretty real! +- Exactly! Let's use it. -00:34:29.500 --> 00:34:32.933 -HEY, CAT, HOW WOULD YOU -LIKE TO BUG OUT NOW? +00:38:35.412 --> 00:38:36.572 +Yeah! -00:34:33.067 --> 00:34:34.233 -BY GOD, MAN! +00:38:37.847 --> 00:38:39.212 +Yeah! -00:34:34.300 --> 00:34:35.567 -I'M GONNA BUG OUT! +00:38:41.818 --> 00:38:43.080 +Eat lead! -00:34:35.633 --> 00:34:37.200 -DID HE SAY BUG OUT, BABY? +00:38:45.055 --> 00:38:47.421 +They're busting caps +like a motherfucker down there. -00:34:37.267 --> 00:34:39.500 -GO AHEAD, BABY, BUG OUT. +00:38:50.694 --> 00:38:52.787 +This is fubar. I say we juice them. -00:34:39.567 --> 00:34:40.900 -AIN'T NO BUG OUT. +00:38:52.896 --> 00:38:54.386 +- What do you think? +- Juice them. -00:34:40.967 --> 00:34:41.833 --WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT? +00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.291 +Fuck you, Charlie! -00:34:41.900 --> 00:34:45.433 --IT'S A BUG OUT TO HIM. +00:39:01.371 --> 00:39:02.838 +Big-ass titties! -00:34:45.500 --> 00:34:46.467 --IT'S SOME KIND OF DANCE. +00:39:08.812 --> 00:39:10.439 +Look at that, huh? -00:34:46.533 --> 00:34:48.267 --LET'S SPLIT. +00:39:15.719 --> 00:39:16.913 +And cut! -00:35:21.233 --> 00:35:23.567 -ANYBODY LOOKING OUR WAY? +00:39:19.189 --> 00:39:21.020 +That's the trailer right there. -00:35:23.633 --> 00:35:24.967 -NO. +00:39:21.124 --> 00:39:22.421 +Yeah! -00:35:25.067 --> 00:35:29.700 -SOME STUD -GONE AND LEFT HIS KEYS. +00:39:22.525 --> 00:39:24.789 +- What do we do now? +- Yeah. -00:35:29.767 --> 00:35:31.967 -HEY! +00:39:24.894 --> 00:39:26.418 +North. Man said to head north. -00:35:32.067 --> 00:35:34.600 -WHAT ARE YOU DOING? +00:39:26.529 --> 00:39:29.862 +- Did you see me shooting? +- That's how we do. Good work, baby. -00:35:34.667 --> 00:35:37.700 -YOU STEALING THAT CAR? +00:39:29.966 --> 00:39:31.024 +I believed it. -00:35:37.767 --> 00:35:39.367 -HEY, SHOVE OVER, JACK! +00:39:31.134 --> 00:39:32.294 +D'ang kwook river. -00:35:39.433 --> 00:35:41.733 -LET ME DRIVE THIS GODDAMN THING. +00:39:32.936 --> 00:39:34.335 +I'm betting +he's got more of these battles -00:35:46.633 --> 00:35:48.067 -MOVE IT OUT! +00:39:34.437 --> 00:39:37.167 +and viet congs +rigged for us along the way. -00:36:01.533 --> 00:36:03.433 -HEY, MAN, -YOU CATS CAN'T DRIVE. +00:39:37.274 --> 00:39:41.040 +Sergeant osiris, get your men. +Load and lock. -00:36:03.500 --> 00:36:05.733 -YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING -ABOUT NOTHING. +00:39:41.711 --> 00:39:43.474 +Real, baby, I'm real. -00:36:10.333 --> 00:36:12.667 --CAN'T YOU SEE THAT CAR GO BY? --COOL IT, WILL YOU? +00:39:44.547 --> 00:39:47.345 +Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover! -00:36:12.733 --> 00:36:14.933 -I DRIVE LIKE A CROW, MAN, -REALLY. +00:39:48.485 --> 00:39:51.511 +Hump it up, gentlemen! +Single formation. -00:36:15.067 --> 00:36:16.700 --MAN, LOOK, SLOW DOWN! +00:39:51.621 --> 00:39:53.452 +Don't dawdle now! -00:36:16.767 --> 00:36:18.067 --I SEE THE LIGHT. +00:40:17.580 --> 00:40:21.846 +D-rod, d-rod, this is puddingface. +How are we coming on that hotplate? -00:36:18.100 --> 00:36:20.233 -MAN, YOU'LL GET KILLED UP HERE! +00:40:24.487 --> 00:40:27.786 +Something's up. +I think we better drag ass back there. -00:36:41.333 --> 00:36:42.333 -BULLSHIT, RALPH! +00:40:27.891 --> 00:40:30.587 +Make sure Damien ain't forgot +how to use his talkbox again. -00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:45.100 -WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? +00:40:38.335 --> 00:40:41.304 +Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste. -00:36:45.167 --> 00:36:47.933 -IT'S BAD ENOUGH -WE GOT TRANSFERRED UP HERE +00:40:42.906 --> 00:40:45.033 +- What are you doing, Jeff? +- Fucking... nothing, man! -00:36:48.067 --> 00:36:50.833 -WITHOUT YOU BULLSHITTING -ALL NIGHT. +00:40:45.141 --> 00:40:48.474 +- I'm eating jellybeans. +- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please... -00:36:50.900 --> 00:36:52.267 -NOW, I GOTTA COVER MY BEAT, +00:40:48.578 --> 00:40:51.308 +No, you can't have +any fucking jellybeans. -00:36:52.333 --> 00:36:54.800 -AND I'LL MEET YOU -BACK HERE IN AN HOUR. +00:40:51.414 --> 00:40:52.506 +They're mine. -00:36:54.867 --> 00:36:55.900 -ONE HOUR, RALPH. +00:40:52.615 --> 00:40:53.775 +You think +you're the only one who gets sick -00:36:55.967 --> 00:36:57.600 -AND, RALPH... +00:40:53.883 --> 00:40:55.578 +when he doesn't have his jellybeans? -00:36:57.667 --> 00:36:59.800 -PLEASE, BE CAREFUL. +00:40:55.685 --> 00:40:57.084 +Boundaries, man. Fuck. -00:36:59.867 --> 00:37:01.500 -YEAH, BUT HARLEM? +00:41:17.006 --> 00:41:19.702 +Hey. I didn't mean to +show you up back there. -00:37:01.567 --> 00:37:03.533 -COME ON, SLOW THE CAR DOWN! +00:41:19.809 --> 00:41:23.939 +It's just, I feel like we really need +to set the example for the other guys. -00:37:03.600 --> 00:37:06.267 -LOOK OUT, MAN! -I AIN'T READY TO DIE YET! +00:41:24.047 --> 00:41:25.947 +It's gonna be tough, -00:37:06.333 --> 00:37:09.600 -HARLEM? +00:41:26.049 --> 00:41:29.075 +but I think Damien's gonna get +some great shit out of us. -00:37:09.667 --> 00:37:10.767 -I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. +00:41:30.620 --> 00:41:32.380 +Just wish I had +a director like this on Jack. -00:37:10.833 --> 00:37:13.100 -THE ONLY FACES -YOU CAN SEE +00:41:32.455 --> 00:41:34.946 +On Jack. What? Jack? +What you talking about? -00:37:13.167 --> 00:37:17.700 -IN A CROWD UP HERE IS OURS. +00:41:36.159 --> 00:41:38.127 +- Simple Jack. +- Oh, yeah. -00:37:17.767 --> 00:37:21.333 -THE WAY THEY LOOK, -ALL YOU CAN SEE IS THEIR EYES. +00:41:39.629 --> 00:41:42.860 +Simple Jack, yeah. +You went all out on that one, huh? -00:37:21.400 --> 00:37:23.200 -I DON'T LIKE IT HERE. +00:41:42.966 --> 00:41:45.230 +You did. +Really swung for the fences, huh? -00:37:30.933 --> 00:37:34.067 -I SEE THE FUCKING FUZZ. +00:41:45.335 --> 00:41:47.735 +Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. -00:37:34.133 --> 00:37:35.200 -COOL IT, JUST COOL IT. +00:41:47.837 --> 00:41:50.738 +Yeah, it was an intense experience, +you know. -00:37:35.267 --> 00:37:37.133 -RIGHT THROUGH THE HEAD -I'M GONNA GET YOU! +00:41:51.441 --> 00:41:53.534 +I just did the work. -00:37:52.367 --> 00:37:54.067 -THROW THAT PIG OUT! +00:41:53.643 --> 00:41:57.443 +Watched a lot of retarded people. +Spent time with them. Observed them. -00:38:08.733 --> 00:38:10.633 -LOOK OUT! +00:41:58.748 --> 00:42:00.909 +Watched all the retarded stuff they did. -00:38:10.700 --> 00:38:12.067 -COOL IT, MAN, WILL YOU? +00:42:01.017 --> 00:42:02.780 +Then again, +I always found mere observation -00:38:12.133 --> 00:38:13.467 -I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. +00:42:02.886 --> 00:42:05.184 +in and of itself is a tad rudimentary. -00:38:13.533 --> 00:38:15.300 -LIKE HELL YOU DO. +00:42:05.288 --> 00:42:08.348 +Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper +to mine the true emotional pay dirt. -00:38:37.967 --> 00:38:41.200 -DUKE, YOU SAVED MY LIFE, MAN! +00:42:08.458 --> 00:42:12.792 +Thus, we can diagram the source +of the pain and then live it, you know. -00:38:41.267 --> 00:38:43.567 -SHIT! +00:42:12.896 --> 00:42:14.955 +Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly. -00:38:45.500 --> 00:38:49.067 -* YESTERDAYS * +00:42:15.064 --> 00:42:17.794 +You know, there were times +when I was doing Jack -00:38:51.800 --> 00:38:54.867 -* YESTERDAYS * +00:42:17.901 --> 00:42:20.369 +that I actually felt retarded, -00:38:58.067 --> 00:39:02.800 -* DAYS I KNEW AS HAPPY -SWEET SEQUESTERED DAYS * +00:42:20.470 --> 00:42:21.835 +- like really retarded. +- Oh, yeah. -00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:15.067 -* OLDEN DAYS * +00:42:21.938 --> 00:42:24.133 +I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded, -00:39:17.367 --> 00:39:20.733 -* GOLDEN DAYS * +00:42:24.240 --> 00:42:26.037 +- I rode the bus retarded. +- Damn. -00:39:23.533 --> 00:39:29.467 -* DAYS OF MAD ROMANCE -AND LOVE * +00:42:26.142 --> 00:42:29.373 +In a weird way, +I had to sort of just free myself up -00:39:34.600 --> 00:39:40.067 -* THEN GAY YOUTH -WAS MINE * +00:42:29.479 --> 00:42:32.448 +to believe that it was okay +to be stupid or dumb. -00:39:42.433 --> 00:39:45.300 -* TRUTH WAS MINE * +00:42:32.549 --> 00:42:34.107 +- To be a moron. +- Yeah. -00:39:48.600 --> 00:39:53.067 -* JOYOUS FREE -AND FLAME IN LIFE * +00:42:34.217 --> 00:42:36.947 +- To be moronical. +- Exactly, to be a moron. -00:39:54.700 --> 00:39:59.067 -* THEN SOOTH -WAS MINE * +00:42:37.053 --> 00:42:38.418 +- An imbecile. +- Yeah. -00:40:00.967 --> 00:40:04.700 -* SAD AM I * +00:42:38.521 --> 00:42:41.388 +Like the dumbest motherfucker +that ever lived. -00:40:07.067 --> 00:40:10.800 -* GLAD AM I * +00:42:41.491 --> 00:42:42.651 +When I was playing the character. -00:40:13.067 --> 00:40:19.067 -* FOR TODAY -I'M DREAMING OF * +00:42:42.759 --> 00:42:45.353 +- When you was the character. +- Yeah, as Jack, definitely. -00:40:22.800 --> 00:40:25.667 -* YESTERDAYS * +00:42:45.462 --> 00:42:47.657 +Jack, stupid ass Jack. -00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:34.233 -THAT YOU, SONNY? +00:42:47.764 --> 00:42:49.026 +Trying to come back from that. -00:40:34.300 --> 00:40:36.000 -IT'S ME, BABY. +00:42:49.132 --> 00:42:53.262 +In a weird way it was almost like +I had to sort of fool my mind -00:40:36.067 --> 00:40:38.167 -HOW'S THE CROWD TONIGHT? +00:42:53.369 --> 00:42:56.338 +into believing that it wasn't retarded, -00:40:38.233 --> 00:40:39.400 -NOT BAD. +00:42:56.439 --> 00:42:58.240 +and by the end of the whole thing, +I was like, -00:40:39.467 --> 00:40:40.500 -WE'RE PUSHING ENOUGH GRASS +00:42:58.274 --> 00:43:02.802 +"wait a minute, I flushed so much out, +how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?" -00:40:40.567 --> 00:40:43.500 -TO MAKE OUR MONEY. +00:43:02.912 --> 00:43:04.971 +- It's just like... right? +- Yeah. -00:40:43.567 --> 00:40:45.333 -JUST ENOUGH. +00:43:05.081 --> 00:43:07.845 +You was farting in bathtubs +and laughing your ass off. -00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:46.400 -BUT IT SURE AIN'T LIKE +00:43:07.951 --> 00:43:09.816 +Yeah. -00:40:46.467 --> 00:40:48.133 -THE GOOD OLD DAYS IN HARLEM... +00:43:09.919 --> 00:43:12.217 +But simple Jack thought he was smart, -00:40:48.200 --> 00:40:49.533 -WHEN WHITE MONEY WAS BOSS... +00:43:12.322 --> 00:43:13.619 +or rather, didn't think he was retarded, -00:40:49.600 --> 00:40:50.733 -AND THEM FINE, WHITE CATS +00:43:13.723 --> 00:43:16.590 +so you can't afford to play retarded, +being a smart actor. -00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:51.733 -CAME UP TO HARLEM... +00:43:16.693 --> 00:43:19.184 +Playing a guy who ain't smart +but thinks he is, -00:40:51.800 --> 00:40:53.600 -SPREADING IT ALL AROUND +00:43:19.295 --> 00:43:20.922 +- that's tricky. +- Tricky. -00:40:53.667 --> 00:40:55.600 -BIG BERTHA. +00:43:21.030 --> 00:43:24.557 +It's like working with Mercury. +It's high science, man. It's an art form. -00:40:55.667 --> 00:40:59.367 -OH, CHILD. +00:43:24.667 --> 00:43:26.692 +- Yeah. +- You an artist. -00:40:59.433 --> 00:41:00.367 -THAT WAS BEFORE +00:43:26.803 --> 00:43:28.600 +- That's what we do, right? Yeah. +- Yeah. -00:41:00.433 --> 00:41:01.867 -ALL THOSE PEACE MARCHES... +00:43:28.705 --> 00:43:29.967 +Hats off for going there, -00:41:01.933 --> 00:41:04.800 -SIT-INS, RIOTS, AND 'DOS. +00:43:30.073 --> 00:43:32.803 +especially knowing how +the academy is about that shit. -00:41:04.867 --> 00:41:05.867 -AIN'T NOTHING WRONG +00:43:36.513 --> 00:43:40.040 +- About what? +- You're serious? You don't know? -00:41:05.933 --> 00:41:09.533 -WITH NO PEACE MARCHES. +00:43:42.252 --> 00:43:44.277 +Everybody knows +you never go full retard. -00:41:09.600 --> 00:41:15.467 -IT'S ME, BABY. +00:43:45.822 --> 00:43:47.915 +- What do you mean? +- Check it out. -00:41:15.533 --> 00:41:18.267 -WHO'S THAT JOKER? +00:43:48.057 --> 00:43:52.153 +Dustin Hoffman, rain man, looked +retarded, act retarded, not retarded. -00:41:18.333 --> 00:41:19.267 -FRIEND OF MINE. +00:43:52.262 --> 00:43:56.358 +Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. +Autistic, sure. Not retarded. -00:41:37.467 --> 00:41:40.167 -CAT, YOU EVER BEEN -HIGH ON POT? +00:43:57.233 --> 00:43:59.098 +Then you got tom Hanks, +Forrest Gump. -00:41:40.233 --> 00:41:41.167 -ARE YOU KIDDING ME, MAN? +00:43:59.202 --> 00:44:01.500 +Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, +braces on his legs. -00:41:41.233 --> 00:41:42.100 -GRASS? +00:44:01.604 --> 00:44:04.505 +But he charmed the pants off Nixon, +and he won a ping-pong competition. -00:41:42.167 --> 00:41:44.133 -WHO DOESN'T, YOU KNOW? +00:44:04.607 --> 00:44:05.631 +That ain't retarded. -00:41:44.200 --> 00:41:46.100 -WHAT DO YOU THINK, -I'M SOME KIND OF A HICK? +00:44:05.775 --> 00:44:09.711 +And he was a goddamn war hero. +You know any retarded war heroes? -00:42:14.467 --> 00:42:20.100 -LET'S GET THAT CAT -GOING ON POT! +00:44:11.648 --> 00:44:13.639 +You went full retard, man. -00:42:20.167 --> 00:42:21.933 -TAKE ONE. +00:44:15.184 --> 00:44:16.549 +Never go full retard. -00:42:22.067 --> 00:42:23.233 -THAT'S WHAT -I'M TALKING ABOUT, BABY. +00:44:17.554 --> 00:44:21.115 +You don't buy that? +Ask Sean penn, 2001, I am Sam. -00:42:23.300 --> 00:42:24.933 -NOTHING WRONG, TAKE TWO. +00:44:21.224 --> 00:44:24.523 +Remember? Went full retard? +Went home empty-handed. -00:42:25.067 --> 00:42:26.133 -COME ON, BE A CLUB MEMBER. +00:44:34.370 --> 00:44:37.567 +Oh, my God! Holy shit! -00:42:26.200 --> 00:42:28.633 -THAT'S IT! +00:44:38.241 --> 00:44:40.937 +Good job, turd. You killed the director. -00:42:28.700 --> 00:42:30.200 -TAKE THREE! TAKE FOUR! +00:44:41.044 --> 00:44:42.306 +No, that's impossible, man. -00:42:30.267 --> 00:42:31.367 -FIVE, SIX, SEVEN! +00:44:42.412 --> 00:44:45.279 +I rigged the whole tree line, +and this is here. -00:42:31.433 --> 00:42:32.533 -THAT'S IT, BABY! +00:44:45.415 --> 00:44:46.939 +- He must have missed his mark. +- Missed his mark? -00:42:39.900 --> 00:42:43.200 -HE AIN'T LOSING NOW, -NO, INDEED. +00:44:47.050 --> 00:44:48.278 +Yeah, this isn't me. -00:43:21.100 --> 00:43:23.400 -JOINT, HILLY! A JOINT! +00:44:48.384 --> 00:44:51.182 +Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard +and get back to the hotel. -00:43:23.467 --> 00:43:24.900 -STAY LOOSE! +00:44:51.287 --> 00:44:53.983 +- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! +- We're in a world of hurt! -00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:51.333 -FRITZ, COME ON, NOW, STOP! +00:44:54.090 --> 00:44:56.285 +- You're in trouble. +- This isn't just on me! -00:43:51.400 --> 00:43:54.533 -YO, FRITZ! +00:44:56.392 --> 00:44:58.622 +- We're in a... we're together on this. +- Bullshit. -00:43:54.600 --> 00:43:55.767 -FRITZ, COME ON, NOW, +00:44:58.728 --> 00:45:00.195 +You're just gonna run away. +You're gonna leave. -00:43:55.833 --> 00:43:59.300 -STOP IT! +00:45:00.296 --> 00:45:02.056 +What happened to, +"no man left behind," okay? -00:43:59.367 --> 00:44:02.100 -NO, DON'T STOP! OH, YEAH! +00:45:02.065 --> 00:45:04.329 +Just wait, just wait! Listen! +Listen, okay? -00:44:02.167 --> 00:44:07.333 -OH, NO, FRITZ! COME ON! +00:45:04.434 --> 00:45:07.164 +- I don't wanna hear it. +- Let me just be real with you, all right? -00:44:07.400 --> 00:44:10.700 -HEY, TORO! +00:45:07.270 --> 00:45:10.569 +I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis +on freaky Friday, okay? -00:44:10.767 --> 00:44:12.300 -HULLY GULLY CAT! +00:45:10.673 --> 00:45:12.004 +This shit will fucking ruin me! -00:44:19.400 --> 00:44:20.933 -CLIMB, SUGAR! +00:45:12.108 --> 00:45:14.068 +- Just get off me! You're pathetic. +- No, I'm not. -00:44:58.867 --> 00:45:00.333 -RIGHT THERE! -NO, FRITZ! +00:45:14.110 --> 00:45:16.578 +- Get off me! +- You are not going back! -00:45:00.400 --> 00:45:02.167 -COME ON, FRITZ! +00:45:19.949 --> 00:45:21.883 +- What the fuck? +- Now wait a minute. -00:45:02.233 --> 00:45:03.633 -AW, MAN, YEAH! +00:45:32.261 --> 00:45:34.957 +So, what? +We're just supposed to keep walking? -00:45:15.333 --> 00:45:19.867 -WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? +00:45:35.064 --> 00:45:37.931 +Try to stay in character. +Remember, we're on camera. -00:45:19.933 --> 00:45:22.433 -YOU AIN'T BLACK ENOUGH, HON. +00:45:38.067 --> 00:45:39.067 +This thing's too heavy. -00:45:37.767 --> 00:45:39.733 -AWW, FRITZ! +00:45:39.135 --> 00:45:40.568 +I want the rubber one +that the prop guy gave me. -00:46:17.967 --> 00:46:22.067 -THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC GOT ME! +00:45:40.670 --> 00:45:42.934 +Where's the fucking prop guy? -00:46:22.067 --> 00:46:23.567 -OH, FRITZ! THAT'S RIGHT! +00:45:47.910 --> 00:45:50.504 +How's it going with that map, chief? -00:46:23.633 --> 00:46:27.100 -RIGHT THERE, HONEY! +00:45:50.613 --> 00:45:53.207 +- Can I have a look at it? +- I got it. -00:46:27.167 --> 00:46:29.500 -WOW, WOW, WOW! +00:45:53.316 --> 00:45:54.874 +Yeah, Damien gave it to me, +remember? -00:46:29.567 --> 00:46:32.167 -PUMP THAT THING! +00:45:54.984 --> 00:45:56.474 +Yeah, but he gave it to you for us. -00:46:32.233 --> 00:46:34.300 -SUDDENLY IT'S ALL VERY CLEAR! +00:45:56.586 --> 00:45:58.213 +- Yeah. +- Okay. -00:46:34.367 --> 00:46:37.667 -I MUST TELL THE PEOPLE -ABOUT THE REVOLUTION! +00:45:58.321 --> 00:46:00.846 +- I got it. +- You got it upside down. -00:46:37.733 --> 00:46:39.567 -REVOLT! REVOLT! +00:46:00.990 --> 00:46:01.990 +Thank you. -00:46:39.633 --> 00:46:44.800 -DAMN YOU! WHAT THE HELL -YOU JABBERING ABOUT NOW? +00:46:02.091 --> 00:46:03.649 +Letters go one way +and the numbers another. -00:46:44.867 --> 00:46:46.133 -REVOLT! +00:46:03.760 --> 00:46:05.318 +Dude, I'm trying to... +I got your back, man. -00:46:53.733 --> 00:46:56.167 -REVOLT! REVOLT! +00:46:05.428 --> 00:46:07.191 +- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool. +- You are? -00:46:56.233 --> 00:46:58.533 -REVOLT, -YOU THICK-SKULLED IDIOTS! +00:46:07.296 --> 00:46:09.161 +Is your character dyslexic? -00:46:58.600 --> 00:47:00.900 -YOU HAVE CARRIED HEAVY BURDENS -FOR THE BOSSES! +00:46:09.265 --> 00:46:10.994 +- No, my character's not dyslexic. +- So you a cartographer. -00:47:00.967 --> 00:47:03.767 -YOU HAVE SWEAT YOUR LIVES AWAY -FOR THE BOSSES! +00:46:11.100 --> 00:46:12.931 +I'm tired, I want to go home. -00:47:03.833 --> 00:47:04.867 -THE BOSSES! +00:46:13.036 --> 00:46:15.596 +Why, so you can get back and make +fatties: Fart 20, or some shit? -00:47:04.933 --> 00:47:06.767 -THEY RIDE AROUND -IN LIMOUSINES! +00:46:15.672 --> 00:46:18.607 +It's fatties: Fart two, there's no... hey, +you wish you had a fatties franchise. -00:47:06.833 --> 00:47:08.100 -GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR! +00:46:18.708 --> 00:46:19.988 +- What? +- It's fatties: Fart two. -00:47:08.167 --> 00:47:12.567 -BOSSES...THEY'RE EATING -STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM ! +00:46:20.043 --> 00:46:21.271 +- Yeah, you do. +- I don't want no fatties franchise, -00:47:12.633 --> 00:47:15.267 -THAT'S FUNNY! -CATS ARE REAL BOSS! +00:46:21.377 --> 00:46:23.777 +- I got a diamond toilet. +- Your stupid-ass commercials. -00:47:18.767 --> 00:47:21.233 -ALL RIGHT, -WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? +00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:25.347 +You're all fucked up, man, +you look tired. -00:47:21.300 --> 00:47:23.233 -BREAK IT UP! +00:46:25.448 --> 00:46:26.574 +You look like you bumped your head +or something, -00:47:23.300 --> 00:47:24.167 -COOL IT, OFFICER. +00:46:26.683 --> 00:46:28.514 +so I came over to see +if you're fucking all right, that's all. -00:47:24.233 --> 00:47:25.633 -HE'S JUST BLOWING HOT AIR. +00:46:28.618 --> 00:46:30.643 +- Yeah, why don't you get on point? +- I'm on point right here. -00:47:25.700 --> 00:47:27.400 -NO ONE'S PAYING NO MIND. +00:46:30.753 --> 00:46:31.777 +My farts +are fucking more beautiful than... -00:47:27.467 --> 00:47:31.133 -COME THE REVOLUTION, -THERE'LL BE NO MORE LIMOUSINES! +00:46:31.888 --> 00:46:34.448 +You still got that shit upside down. -00:47:31.200 --> 00:47:35.667 -COME THE REVOLUTION, -NO MORE STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM! +00:46:35.058 --> 00:46:36.538 +The numbers help, man, the numbers... -00:47:39.133 --> 00:47:41.667 -HEY, RALPH, YOU KNOW HOW -THESE DUMB KIDS ARE. +00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:38.789 +The letters go across the top +and then the numbers. -00:47:41.733 --> 00:47:44.767 -THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DOING. +00:46:38.895 --> 00:46:40.453 +- Want the map? +- Yeah, I want the fucking map. -00:47:44.833 --> 00:47:46.567 -FUCKING "A" RIGHT. +00:46:40.563 --> 00:46:41.996 +Well, you can't have it, +'cause Damien gave it me. -00:47:46.633 --> 00:47:47.833 -THERE HE IS! +00:46:42.098 --> 00:46:45.261 +You wish you had my farts, +my farts are fucking music. -00:47:47.900 --> 00:47:49.867 -HE'S THE ONE WHO KEEPS -THE BOSSES IN POWER! +00:46:45.368 --> 00:46:47.734 +All right. That's enough. -00:47:49.933 --> 00:47:52.333 -HE'S THE ONE -WHO'S HOLDING YOU DOWN! +00:46:49.205 --> 00:46:52.936 +Everybody's obviously a little bushed +from all this humping. -00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:54.167 --WHO, ME? --YOU! +00:46:53.543 --> 00:46:56.034 +So take a chow break. Chow break! -00:47:54.233 --> 00:47:57.933 --NOT ME. YOU. --NO, YOU! +00:46:57.847 --> 00:46:59.405 +But stay alert. -00:47:58.067 --> 00:47:58.967 --ME?! --NOT ME! +00:46:59.982 --> 00:47:03.474 +Remember, Charlie don't care +if you're on break or not. -00:47:59.067 --> 00:48:00.633 -YOU! --FUCK YOU! +00:47:08.558 --> 00:47:11.493 +All right, that's lunch. Coming back +to the same scene afterwards, -00:48:00.700 --> 00:48:01.967 -YOU FIRST! +00:47:11.594 --> 00:47:12.959 +"lost in the goddamn jungle." -00:48:02.067 --> 00:48:04.633 -THE SPIKED BUDDHA CAPITALISM! +00:47:13.062 --> 00:47:14.062 +Captain simple Jack. -00:48:04.700 --> 00:48:07.300 -THE IRON THUMB ON THE HEADS -OF THE PROLETARIAT! +00:47:15.031 --> 00:47:16.031 +Fuck you. -00:48:13.867 --> 00:48:15.133 -THEY'RE GONNA KILL US. +00:47:24.941 --> 00:47:26.499 +I fucking hate movies. -00:48:44.700 --> 00:48:47.433 -WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE -A PICTURE OF MY KIDS? +00:47:28.845 --> 00:47:31.678 +This is bullshit. +I don't wanna be in this shitty movie. -00:49:08.167 --> 00:49:09.233 -COME ON, MAN! +00:47:41.524 --> 00:47:44.288 +No! That's my jellybeans! No! -00:49:09.300 --> 00:49:11.200 -YOU'LL GET KILLED UP HERE! +00:47:44.393 --> 00:47:49.057 +Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit! -00:51:36.500 --> 00:51:39.333 -WE SHALL OVERCOME! +00:47:49.165 --> 00:47:52.430 +- Yo, man, I got a bust-a-nut. +- You go to hell! There he is. -00:51:50.500 --> 00:51:52.200 -GROUP COMMANDER TO FORMATION B. +00:47:55.872 --> 00:47:58.807 +God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go? -00:51:52.267 --> 00:51:54.133 -DON'T GIVE THEM -A CHANCE TO SCATTER. +00:47:59.776 --> 00:48:02.256 +You little piece of shit! +I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off! -00:51:54.200 --> 00:51:56.067 -ATTACK ALL CONGESTED AREAS. +00:48:04.180 --> 00:48:07.206 +Sanducci. Hold up, man, +keep it on the down-low. -00:53:05.667 --> 00:53:08.433 -I'VE GOT TO FIND HIM. +00:48:08.618 --> 00:48:10.899 +I don't really gotta piss. +I'm trying to talk at you, man. -00:53:08.500 --> 00:53:11.767 -WHERE COULD HE BE? +00:48:10.953 --> 00:48:12.580 +Bait, I need bait. -00:53:11.833 --> 00:53:15.500 -THIS IS THE ALLEY BEHIND -THAT PLACE HE WAS STANDING AT. +00:48:13.723 --> 00:48:17.420 +You went to boot camp, right? +You can read a map? -00:53:15.567 --> 00:53:17.933 -IT GIVES ME THE CREEPS. +00:48:17.527 --> 00:48:18.755 +Yeah, I think so. -00:53:18.067 --> 00:53:19.933 -FRITZ! FRITZ! +00:48:18.861 --> 00:48:21.557 +I know speedman +got everyone convinced we out here -00:53:20.067 --> 00:53:22.867 -GOOD EVENING, MADAM. +00:48:21.664 --> 00:48:25.464 +making planet of the apes on YouTube +or some shit, but I don't buy it. -00:53:22.933 --> 00:53:24.100 -OH, FRITZ! +00:48:25.568 --> 00:48:28.036 +You wanna step on a real landmine? +You wanna die? -00:53:24.167 --> 00:53:27.600 -THANK GOD I FOUND YOU. +00:48:28.838 --> 00:48:30.533 +You wanna get shot +by a real motherfucker? -00:53:27.667 --> 00:53:29.100 -JOIN ME, WINSTON, MY LOVE. +00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:33.803 +- Keep looking ahead, man. +- No, of course not. -00:53:29.167 --> 00:53:32.933 -IT'S NOT VERY PRETTY LOOKING, -BUT IT'S COZY AS A BITCH. +00:48:34.210 --> 00:48:36.371 +Trying to get home, man. -00:53:33.067 --> 00:53:34.100 -FRITZ, COME OUT OF THERE, +00:48:36.479 --> 00:48:38.140 +Got a big job coming up next year. -00:53:34.167 --> 00:53:35.400 -WILL YOU PLEASE? +00:48:38.247 --> 00:48:39.680 +- Oh, yeah? +- Yeah. -00:53:35.467 --> 00:53:39.067 -THE HELL! WITH THE FUZZ -COMBING THE CITY FOR ME? +00:48:39.782 --> 00:48:42.307 +It's about Abe Lincoln and John wilkes +booth when they were both young. -00:53:39.100 --> 00:53:40.867 -HAS MY PICTURE -APPEARED ON TV YET? +00:48:42.418 --> 00:48:43.510 +- Oh, wow! +- Yeah. -00:53:40.933 --> 00:53:42.900 -HAVE THEY BROADCAST AN ALARM? +00:48:43.619 --> 00:48:46.110 +- That's a classy picture. +- Dude, you kind of look like Abe. -00:53:42.967 --> 00:53:45.800 -OFFERED A REWARD FOR INFORMATION -LEADING TO MY ARREST? +00:48:46.222 --> 00:48:47.689 +Slap a beard on you. -00:53:45.867 --> 00:53:47.967 -DON'T BE SO MELODRAMATIC. +00:48:47.790 --> 00:48:49.815 +- What's your fucking name? +- Really? It's Kevin. -00:53:48.067 --> 00:53:50.600 -YOU AND YOUR ILLUSIONS -OF GRANDEUR. +00:48:49.926 --> 00:48:51.917 +- Kevin sandusky. +- Yeah. -00:53:50.667 --> 00:53:53.767 -I'M NOT GETTING IN THAT FILTHY, -GRIMY GARBAGE CAN WITH YOU. +00:48:52.595 --> 00:48:56.156 +If I can put that map in your hands, +can I count on you? -00:53:53.833 --> 00:53:55.533 -GO FUCK YOURSELF. +00:48:56.566 --> 00:49:00.093 +- Well, yeah, I guess you can. +- Dynamite. I'm out. -00:53:55.600 --> 00:53:57.367 -YOU'RE SUCH A CHILD. +00:49:03.773 --> 00:49:06.207 +That smelled just like bologna +for some reason. -00:53:57.433 --> 00:54:02.533 -SUCH A SELF-CENTERED, -EGOTISTICAL CHILD. +00:49:06.309 --> 00:49:08.834 +Is anyone gonna fucking help me +get this fucking thing? -00:54:02.600 --> 00:54:04.467 -THIS IS DISGUSTING. +00:49:09.545 --> 00:49:12.105 +Why are they even out in the daytime? -00:54:04.533 --> 00:54:06.533 -IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT -MY GARBAGE CAN THAT WAY... +00:49:14.317 --> 00:49:18.754 +I'm gonna level with you, bro. +I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you. -00:54:06.600 --> 00:54:08.633 -JUST GET THE HELL OUT. +00:49:24.994 --> 00:49:28.760 +Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. -00:54:08.700 --> 00:54:11.300 -FRITZ, ARE YOU STILL GOING -TO BUG OUT OR NOT? +00:49:30.967 --> 00:49:32.696 +He's way out on a limb +with this character, -00:54:11.367 --> 00:54:12.467 -ARE YOU KIDDING, TOOTS? +00:49:32.802 --> 00:49:34.633 +and I think he's getting cold feet. -00:54:12.533 --> 00:54:14.467 -I GOT NO CHOICE AT THIS POINT. +00:49:35.938 --> 00:49:38.736 +And the men respect you, +'cause you went to boot camp -00:54:14.533 --> 00:54:15.767 -LISTEN TO ME, WILL YOU? +00:49:38.841 --> 00:49:40.468 +and rehearsal. -00:54:15.833 --> 00:54:18.567 -I'VE GOT A CAR AND SOME MONEY. +00:49:41.510 --> 00:49:44.035 +- Can I count on you, Kyle. +- It's Kevin. -00:54:18.633 --> 00:54:20.133 -I CAN GET -ALL THE THINGS WE NEED... +00:49:44.146 --> 00:49:45.204 +Good. -00:54:20.200 --> 00:54:21.333 -AND WE CAN LEAVE RIGHT AWAY. +00:49:46.782 --> 00:49:49.649 +If you want +I could give the map a look-see. -00:54:21.400 --> 00:54:23.067 -WE CAN GO OUT TO THE COAST. +00:49:49.752 --> 00:49:51.913 +- I'll handle the map. +- Okay. -00:54:23.133 --> 00:54:25.133 -I'LL GET A GOOD JOB -AS A PRIVATE SECRETARY... +00:49:52.021 --> 00:49:55.252 +You stick with the program, +we get this movie in the can, -00:54:25.200 --> 00:54:28.633 -AND YOU CAN WORK -ON YOUR POETRY AND ALL. +00:49:55.358 --> 00:49:59.055 +I'm thinking there could be +a teen choice award in it for you. -00:54:28.700 --> 00:54:31.233 -WE CAN GET MARRIED AND RENT -A NICE LITTLE PAD IN FRISCO... +00:49:59.161 --> 00:50:03.359 +You have that potential. +They'll slime you, the whole deal. -00:54:31.300 --> 00:54:32.633 -AND DIG THE SCENE OUT THERE. +00:50:03.466 --> 00:50:07.095 +- Yeah, that's wicked. +- Good. -00:54:32.700 --> 00:54:33.900 -IT'S SUPPOSED -TO BE A GREAT TOWN. +00:50:13.009 --> 00:50:15.102 +There it is! Yeah, now you're dead! -00:54:33.967 --> 00:54:38.200 -FRISCO. YEAH, OK. +00:50:16.279 --> 00:50:17.507 +You o.D.'D! -00:54:38.267 --> 00:54:41.900 -* SHE MAKES MEN INTO BOYS -SHE MAKES GIANTS INTO MEN * +00:50:19.081 --> 00:50:20.412 +Hold up now, Jeff. -00:54:41.967 --> 00:54:44.567 -* SHE'LL HAVE YOU FEELING -GUILTY BEFORE YOU CAN COUNT TO -TEN * +00:50:22.818 --> 00:50:24.217 +Fucking hell! -00:54:44.633 --> 00:54:48.067 -* POOR WINSTON, SHARP MIND -AND A BODY TO MATCH * +00:50:25.855 --> 00:50:28.915 +What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man! -00:54:48.133 --> 00:54:50.167 -* POOR WINSTON -FINE FANCY KARMA * +00:50:29.025 --> 00:50:31.493 +I don't have any more jellybeans. -00:54:50.233 --> 00:54:51.700 -* ABLE, TOO, AT THAT * +00:50:38.100 --> 00:50:39.897 +You land there! -00:54:51.767 --> 00:54:54.867 -* WHO IS THE GIRL -IN THE FIBERGLASS SHORTS * +00:50:54.817 --> 00:50:57.217 +Wow. Look at these ruins. -00:54:54.933 --> 00:54:57.800 -* WELL, IT'S GOT TO BE -WINSTON SCHWARTZ * +00:50:59.388 --> 00:51:03.825 +- Where the hell are we? +- D'ang kwook river. -00:55:04.900 --> 00:55:08.167 -* YOU CAN'T OUTTALK HER -'CAUSE SHE TALKS TOO FAST * +00:51:03.926 --> 00:51:06.292 +That so? How do you know that? +How you sure? -00:55:08.233 --> 00:55:11.100 -* YOU CAN'T OUTTHINK HER, -SHE'S A NEW YORK FLASH * +00:51:06.395 --> 00:51:08.590 +Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go. -00:55:11.167 --> 00:55:14.367 -* SHE MAKES LOVE TO YOU -AND TELL YOU YOU'RE IN LOVE * +00:51:08.698 --> 00:51:13.795 +Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. +Seriously, my skin hurts! -00:55:14.433 --> 00:55:16.067 -* YOU MAKE LOVE TO HER * +00:51:13.903 --> 00:51:16.337 +Enough from the peanut gallery! +Into the water, ladies! -00:55:16.100 --> 00:55:21.333 -* SHE SAYS YOU DON'T KNOW -HOW TO DO IT, POOR WINSTON ** +00:51:16.439 --> 00:51:18.507 +No, man. Let me take a look at that map +right quick. -00:55:21.400 --> 00:55:22.833 -AH, WINSTON, -MY LOVE. +00:51:18.674 --> 00:51:20.354 +Why is everybody +all obsessed with the map? -00:55:22.900 --> 00:55:25.933 -AT LAST WE'RE ZOOMING DOWN -THAT OLD LONESOME HIGHWAY. +00:51:20.376 --> 00:51:22.401 +'Cause we're tired +of being your trail donkeys! -00:55:26.067 --> 00:55:28.633 -IT'S WILD. +00:51:22.511 --> 00:51:24.911 +Acting like you some one-man GPS! -00:55:28.700 --> 00:55:30.833 -YEAH. MARVELOUS. +00:51:25.014 --> 00:51:28.882 +God damn it! We lost! +We fucking super lost, man! -00:55:30.900 --> 00:55:31.967 -MARVELOUS, MY ASS! +00:51:28.985 --> 00:51:31.112 +Tell him, mcclusky. +Tell him what time it is. -00:55:32.067 --> 00:55:34.100 -IT'S EXALTING. ELATING. +00:51:31.220 --> 00:51:32.778 +I don't believe you people. -00:55:34.167 --> 00:55:37.833 -THE COOL NIGHT WIND -BLOWING PAST THE WINDOW. MAN! +00:51:34.523 --> 00:51:36.218 +What do you mean "you people"? -00:55:37.900 --> 00:55:39.233 -I'M HUNGRY. +00:51:38.894 --> 00:51:41.488 +What do you mean, "you people"? -00:55:39.300 --> 00:55:41.267 -LET'S STOP SOMEPLACE. -THE HELL WITH STOPPING. +00:51:41.597 --> 00:51:43.588 +I think what tugg means is... -00:55:41.333 --> 00:55:43.300 -I JUST WANT TO FEEL -THOSE MILES FLYING BY. +00:51:43.699 --> 00:51:45.064 +No, look at his eyes, man. -00:55:43.367 --> 00:55:45.067 -I'M HUNGRY! +00:51:45.167 --> 00:51:47.897 +You people, you actors. You people... +- Look at them beady, white devil eyes. -00:55:53.333 --> 00:55:55.700 -LET'S DIG ONE OF THOSE -LITTLE GREASY TRUCK STOPS. +00:51:48.004 --> 00:51:49.605 +I gotta get back to the hotel, for real! -00:55:55.767 --> 00:55:58.733 -I'D LIKE TO TALK WITH -THOSE TRUCK DRIVERS, YOU KNOW? +00:51:49.638 --> 00:51:51.606 +- Hell, no! +- Silence! -00:55:58.800 --> 00:56:01.100 -HEAR WHAT THEY GOT TO SAY -ABOUT LIFE ON THE ROAD. +00:51:52.641 --> 00:51:55.303 +Chill! All right? Just chill it. -00:56:19.333 --> 00:56:22.067 -I BET THEY GOT -WILD STORIES OF THE ROAD. +00:51:56.812 --> 00:52:00.009 +Now, let's go get those viet congs. -00:56:22.133 --> 00:56:26.800 -DRIVERS, TRUCKS, HIJACKERS! +00:52:00.850 --> 00:52:02.408 +- "Viet cong"! +- What? -00:56:26.867 --> 00:56:28.300 -FIGHTS! LET'S DO IT. +00:52:02.918 --> 00:52:05.944 +It's "viet cong." There's no "s." +It's already plural. -00:56:28.367 --> 00:56:33.467 -HERE'S A GOOD PLACE. +00:52:06.055 --> 00:52:07.647 +You wouldn't say "Chineses." -00:56:33.533 --> 00:56:37.600 -I'LL HAVE YOUR DELUXE STEAK -WITH SALAD AND COFFEE. BLACK. +00:52:09.025 --> 00:52:11.459 +All right, that's enough +of this insubordination! -00:56:37.667 --> 00:56:38.600 -ALL RIGHT. +00:52:11.560 --> 00:52:14.358 +If the machine breaks down, +we break down. -00:56:38.667 --> 00:56:43.633 -WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, SIR? +00:52:14.463 --> 00:52:16.988 +Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, +he was big but a little puffy -00:56:43.700 --> 00:56:46.233 -THAT WAS REALLY A FINE STEAK. +00:52:17.099 --> 00:52:18.739 +and then Rambo ii, +he got all shredded up? -00:56:46.300 --> 00:56:50.733 -YOU CAN ALWAYS DEPEND -UPON HOWARD JOHNSON'S. +00:52:18.801 --> 00:52:21.668 +- Yeah. +- That's kind of how you look right now. -00:56:50.800 --> 00:56:52.633 -LET'S GET BACK ON THE ROAD. +00:52:21.771 --> 00:52:23.329 +- Yeah? +- Not Rambo I but ii. -00:59:01.533 --> 00:59:03.433 -GODDAMN. +00:52:23.439 --> 00:52:25.168 +- Really? +- Yeah, when he was cut up. -00:59:03.500 --> 00:59:05.700 -FRITZ! WAKE UP! +00:52:25.274 --> 00:52:27.640 +I'm not that... I mean, +that's what I'm going for, but you know... -00:59:05.767 --> 00:59:07.167 -HUH? WHAT? +00:52:27.743 --> 00:52:30.439 +Come on, dude. You more shredded +than a julienne salad, man. -00:59:07.233 --> 00:59:08.667 -THE CAR IS BROKEN DOWN... +00:52:30.546 --> 00:52:32.036 +- Thanks. +- What's the secret, dude? -00:59:08.733 --> 00:59:10.367 -AND I CAN'T GET -THE DAMNED THING... +00:52:32.148 --> 00:52:33.513 +- It's a diet. I'm just dieting. +- Really? -00:59:10.433 --> 00:59:12.300 -WHAT? WHERE ARE WE? +00:52:33.616 --> 00:52:36.608 +'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, +but it's just... it's tough. -00:59:12.367 --> 00:59:13.700 -FUCK A DUCK. +00:52:36.719 --> 00:52:38.209 +- You look good. +- Any tips? -00:59:13.767 --> 00:59:16.267 -WE'RE OUT IN THE MIDDLE -OF THE FRIGGING DESERT. +00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:40.015 +- What? +- Any tips, you got? -00:59:16.333 --> 00:59:17.767 -JESUS, IT'S GREAT! +00:52:40.122 --> 00:52:41.248 +There's, like, the pineapple... -00:59:17.833 --> 00:59:21.267 -EXACTLY. YOU'VE BEEN -SOUND ASLEEP FOR TWO DAYS. +00:52:41.357 --> 00:52:43.655 +- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! +- Hey! -00:59:21.333 --> 00:59:23.300 --WHAT? --TWO DAYS. +00:52:43.759 --> 00:52:45.351 +- Hey! +- All right, now! -00:59:23.367 --> 00:59:26.333 -YOU MUST'VE BEEN DRAGGED OUT -AFTER YOUR BIG BINGE. +00:52:45.461 --> 00:52:47.895 +What it is, sikorski? +Tell us where we really at. -00:59:26.400 --> 00:59:28.433 -SHIT. I GUESS I WAS. +00:52:47.997 --> 00:52:49.988 +That's fucking bullshit! +It's a chump move. -00:59:28.500 --> 00:59:31.800 -ALL THAT DRINKING AND -BLOWING POT AND SCREWING, MAN. +00:52:50.025 --> 00:52:51.959 +We just getting a second opinion, doc. -00:59:31.867 --> 00:59:33.700 -MAN, I GET HORNY -JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. +00:52:53.795 --> 00:52:55.057 +We're going the wrong way! -00:59:33.767 --> 00:59:35.300 -LIKE, WOW! +00:52:55.163 --> 00:52:56.255 +- Damn! +- Son of a bitch. -00:59:35.367 --> 00:59:38.367 -START THINKING ABOUT -FIXING THIS CAR, FRITZ... +00:52:56.365 --> 00:53:00.825 +God! I think we were +supposed to be doing this, -00:59:38.433 --> 00:59:41.800 -OR WE'LL BE SITTING -HERE FOREVER. +00:53:00.936 --> 00:53:03.837 +and instead we did this. -00:59:41.867 --> 00:59:43.367 -LOOK, IS SOMETHING -BUGGING YOU, PAL? +00:53:03.939 --> 00:53:07.568 +Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit! -00:59:43.433 --> 00:59:48.800 -YEAH, THE CAR WON'T GO! +00:53:07.676 --> 00:53:10.201 +Think you can get us back +to that drop zone, boy? -00:59:48.867 --> 00:59:54.133 -WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK. +00:53:11.146 --> 00:53:12.545 +This is not cool! -00:59:54.200 --> 00:59:55.400 -I KNEW THAT ALL THE TIME. +00:53:15.250 --> 00:53:16.376 +Maybe. -00:59:55.467 --> 00:59:57.133 -THE ENGINE'S NOT UP HERE, -IT'S IN THE BACK. +00:53:17.819 --> 00:53:19.309 +This is insane! -00:59:57.200 --> 00:59:59.533 -LET'S JUST CHECK IT OUT. +00:53:20.589 --> 00:53:22.921 +Are you really going +to abandon this movie? -00:59:59.600 --> 01:00:00.800 -WHAT'S WRONG? +00:53:23.725 --> 00:53:25.920 +We're supposed to be a unit! -01:00:00.867 --> 01:00:02.567 -LET ME SEE, I'LL JUST... +00:53:26.028 --> 00:53:27.552 +Suck my unit! -01:00:02.633 --> 01:00:04.333 -IF I MOVE THAT...NO... +00:53:28.430 --> 00:53:30.227 +All right, fine. -01:00:04.400 --> 01:00:07.067 -WHAT'S WRONG, FRITZ? +00:53:30.332 --> 00:53:35.235 +- I'll finish it by myself. +- You go be all you can be, man. -01:00:07.133 --> 01:00:08.300 -IT'S ALL VERY COMPLICATED, -WINSTON. +00:53:35.337 --> 00:53:37.328 +Tugg, you have no idea +where you're going! -01:00:08.367 --> 01:00:09.967 -I COULDN'T BEGIN -TO EXPLAIN IT. +00:53:37.439 --> 00:53:39.236 +Yes, I do! -01:00:10.033 --> 01:00:12.800 -I THINK THE PISTON ROD'S -STUCK IN THE DRIVE SHAFT. +00:53:39.341 --> 00:53:43.869 +I'm going to, "exterior, rain forest, dusk. -01:00:12.867 --> 01:00:15.067 -EITHER THAT, -OR THE CARBURETOR IS RUSTED OUT. +00:53:43.979 --> 00:53:48.439 +"Smash cut to four leaf, who treks +alone through a frightening jungle." -01:00:15.133 --> 01:00:20.333 -OH, GOOD GOD. +00:53:48.550 --> 00:53:50.484 +Suck on that unit, kirk! -01:00:20.400 --> 01:00:21.667 -HERE COMES A PICKUP TRUCK. +00:54:04.066 --> 00:54:07.058 +Come on, men. Let's get home. -01:00:21.733 --> 01:00:23.867 -MAYBE HE'LL GIVE US A PUSH -TO THE NEXT GAS STATION. +00:54:45.240 --> 00:54:49.904 +Hello, Mr. mantis. You're beautiful. -01:00:27.767 --> 01:00:29.367 -WHAT'S THE TROUBLE, BUDDY? +00:54:52.180 --> 00:54:54.114 +Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo -01:00:29.433 --> 01:00:30.733 -OUR CAR IS BUSTED DOWN. +00:54:54.216 --> 00:54:55.945 +where Hollywood +was split into schisms, -01:00:30.800 --> 01:00:35.433 -COULD YOU GIVE US A PUSH -TO THE NEXT GAS STATION? +00:54:56.051 --> 00:54:59.452 +some studios backing blu-ray disc, +others backing hd DVD. -01:00:35.500 --> 01:00:36.800 -LET ME LOOK AT IT. +00:54:59.554 --> 00:55:00.646 +People thought it would come down to -01:00:36.867 --> 01:00:41.500 -ONE THING I'M GOOD AT -IS FIXING THINGS. +00:55:00.755 --> 00:55:03.019 +pixel rate or refresh rate, +and they're pretty much the same. -01:00:41.567 --> 01:00:45.067 -SHUT UP! +00:55:03.125 --> 00:55:06.925 +What it came down to was +a combination of gamers and porn. -01:00:45.133 --> 01:00:47.567 -PLEASE SHUT UP, CHICKENS! +00:55:07.028 --> 00:55:08.757 +Now, whichever format porno backs -01:00:47.633 --> 01:00:52.033 -SHUT UP! +00:55:08.864 --> 00:55:12.698 +is usually the one +that becomes the most successful. -01:00:52.100 --> 01:00:54.033 -PLEASE SHUT UP! +00:55:12.801 --> 00:55:15.793 +But, you know, Sony, +every playstation 3 has a blu-ray in it. -01:00:54.100 --> 01:00:55.833 -I MEAN, SHUT UP! +00:55:15.904 --> 00:55:17.633 +You talking to me this whole time? -01:01:00.200 --> 01:01:04.533 -ONE THING I'M GOOD AT... -IS FIXING THINGS. +00:55:18.373 --> 00:55:19.670 +I was talking to whoever +was listening to me. -01:01:07.067 --> 01:01:11.067 -DUMB CHICKENS. +00:55:19.774 --> 00:55:21.241 +Jesus Christ, man! -01:01:11.067 --> 01:01:12.733 -LET ME SEE NOW. +00:55:39.661 --> 00:55:41.720 +Booty sweat. -01:01:12.800 --> 01:01:15.167 -AIN'T NOTHING THE MATTER -WITH THIS CAR HERE. +00:55:47.769 --> 00:55:49.168 +Oh, God! -01:01:15.233 --> 01:01:17.467 -BUDDY, AIN'T YOU GOT -ANY SENSE AT ALL? +00:55:51.406 --> 00:55:55.968 +It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold. -01:01:17.533 --> 01:01:21.067 -YOU JUST LET -YOUR CAR RUN OUT OF GAS. +00:55:56.077 --> 00:55:58.272 +You want my flak jacket? -01:01:21.067 --> 01:01:24.833 -I SWEAR, THESE MOTHERFUCKING -HIPPIES FROM NEW YORK. +00:55:58.380 --> 00:56:02.248 +What, are you insane? It's boiling! +It's like a sweat lodge out here! -01:01:24.900 --> 01:01:27.867 -THERE'S A GAS STATION -A COUPLE OF MILES BACK. +00:56:02.350 --> 00:56:05.183 +Keep the volume down on that bitching, +flatch Adams. -01:01:27.933 --> 01:01:29.800 -I'M GOING THIS WAY. +00:56:05.287 --> 00:56:07.187 +I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit! -01:01:29.867 --> 01:01:33.400 -YOU OUGHT TO STOP FOR GAS -ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU STUPID... +00:56:07.289 --> 00:56:09.257 +- How we doing? We making good time? +- We're making good time, -01:01:33.467 --> 01:01:34.900 -GOTTA KEEP YOUR ENGINE FED. +00:56:09.357 --> 00:56:12.485 +but there's no way we make it +over that Ridge before sundown. -01:01:34.967 --> 01:01:38.067 -WISE UP, BUDDY. +00:56:12.594 --> 00:56:15.085 +All right, fellas, +we're gonna make camp, rest up! -01:01:38.133 --> 01:01:40.267 -WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? +00:56:15.197 --> 00:56:17.495 +- Oh, God. +- Y'all might be in for a treat. -01:01:40.333 --> 01:01:42.367 -NEW YORK HIPPIES -COME DOWN HERE... +00:56:17.599 --> 00:56:18.998 +You know, +back before the war broked out, -01:01:42.433 --> 01:01:43.667 -AND THEY THINK THEY CAN... +00:56:19.100 --> 00:56:21.830 +I was a saucier in San antone. -01:01:43.733 --> 01:01:45.200 -I NEVER, HONEST AND TRUE. +00:56:21.937 --> 00:56:24.565 +I bet I could collar up +some of them Greens. -01:01:45.267 --> 01:01:48.900 -YOU THINK A THING -LIKE THAT HAPPENS... +00:56:24.673 --> 00:56:28.973 +Yeah, noodle some crawfish +out the paddy, yo. -01:01:48.967 --> 01:01:50.933 -SON OF A BITCH. +00:56:29.077 --> 00:56:33.104 +And maybe some crab apples +for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah! -01:01:51.067 --> 01:01:53.067 -YOU'RE SO CLEVER. +00:56:34.449 --> 00:56:35.711 +Hell, yeah! -01:01:53.133 --> 01:01:54.467 -SO CLEVER. +00:56:35.817 --> 00:56:40.015 +That's how we all talk. +We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh. -01:01:54.533 --> 01:01:56.933 -BIG MECHANICAL GENIUS. +00:56:40.121 --> 00:56:45.354 +Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs. -01:01:57.067 --> 01:01:58.800 -HERE'S A BUCKET, SMART GUY. +00:56:45.460 --> 00:56:50.329 +You're Australian! Be Australian! +Excuse me, kangaroo Jack. -01:01:58.867 --> 01:02:00.233 -GOOD LUCK. +00:56:54.569 --> 00:56:56.969 +I get excited about my foods, man. -01:02:00.300 --> 01:02:01.800 -HEY, THIS IS FOR SHIT! +00:58:22.590 --> 00:58:25.024 +Die! -01:02:01.867 --> 01:02:03.567 -YOU MADE A BIG BOURGEOIS DEAL -OUT OF EVERYTHING... +00:58:38.940 --> 00:58:41.033 +No! -01:02:03.633 --> 01:02:06.533 -AND RUINED IT COMPLETELY. +00:58:47.582 --> 00:58:51.882 +Dude, dude, what the hell +is going on here? Where are we? -01:02:06.600 --> 01:02:09.733 -I WAS GONNA BUG OUT AND BE FREE -FROM ALL THIS BULLSHIT... +00:58:51.986 --> 00:58:54.386 +I have no idea. -01:02:09.800 --> 01:02:12.167 -AND ROAM AROUND -AND DIG EVERYTHING... +00:58:54.489 --> 00:58:57.049 +I've never been outside the states. -01:02:12.233 --> 01:02:14.367 -AND REALLY HAVE A GOOD TIME. +00:58:57.158 --> 00:58:59.319 +Wait, what? +Are you fucking kidding me? -01:02:14.433 --> 01:02:16.533 -YOUR NAIVETÉ IS ASTOUNDING. +00:58:59.427 --> 00:59:01.418 +Did you make this +whole goddamn thing up? -01:02:16.600 --> 01:02:19.067 -YOU'D BE COMPLETELY LOST -WITHOUT ME, FRITZ... +00:59:01.529 --> 00:59:02.894 +Dude, were you +even in the fucking service? -01:02:19.067 --> 01:02:20.300 -AND YOU KNOW IT. +00:59:02.997 --> 00:59:05.659 +Yes. Of course. Coast guard. -01:02:20.367 --> 01:02:21.767 -YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH. +00:59:05.767 --> 00:59:07.667 +- Coast guard. +- Sanitation department. -01:02:21.833 --> 01:02:23.433 -I SEE THE HARD FACTS OF LIFE. +00:59:07.769 --> 00:59:10.465 +Oh, my God! +You're a fucking garbage man! -01:02:23.500 --> 01:02:28.067 -I AM REALISTIC, -SOMETHING YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF. +00:59:10.572 --> 00:59:14.303 +Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me +and the whole goddamn U.S. of a. -01:02:28.067 --> 01:02:30.667 -YOU'D BE BETTER OFF WITH -ONE OF THOSE STUPID MORONS... +00:59:14.409 --> 00:59:17.071 +I wrote the book as a tribute! +I'm a patriot! -01:02:30.733 --> 01:02:33.567 -LIKE CHARLENE, WHO YOU COULD -SLEEP WITH AND THROW AWAY. +00:59:17.178 --> 00:59:19.237 +Yeah, you're the milli vanilli +of patriots, okay? -01:02:33.633 --> 01:02:36.200 -YOU CAN'T COPE -WITH A MATURE WOMAN. +00:59:19.347 --> 00:59:21.042 +You lied +about fighting the Vietnam war. -01:02:36.267 --> 01:02:38.633 -YOU HAVEN'T THE FAINTEST IDEA -HOW LUCKY YOU ARE... +00:59:21.149 --> 00:59:24.414 +It's like punching the American flag +in the face, God damn it. -01:02:38.700 --> 01:02:39.967 -THAT AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN... +00:59:24.519 --> 00:59:25.959 +God, and to think I believed in you! -01:02:40.067 --> 01:02:42.800 -LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO -GIVE YOU SOMETHING OF VALUE... +00:59:26.054 --> 00:59:28.420 +- I don't wanna be next to you. +- Writers lie all the time. -01:02:42.867 --> 01:02:46.333 -SOMETHING THAT WILL INFLAME -YOUR CREATIVE POTENTIAL! +00:59:28.523 --> 00:59:30.650 +Can I be tied to another post? Okay. -01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:48.333 -NOW, GET GOING AND HURRY UP! +00:59:51.968 --> 00:59:53.799 +- Rick? +- Tugg. -01:03:03.067 --> 01:03:06.267 -WE'LL SEE WHO GETS LOST -WITHOUT WHOM. +00:59:53.903 --> 00:59:55.962 +I killed one, Rick. -01:03:06.333 --> 01:03:07.900 -* FRITZ THE CAT -FRITZ THE CAT * +00:59:57.106 --> 00:59:59.506 +The thing I love most in the world. -01:03:07.967 --> 01:03:09.967 -* FRITZ THE CAT ** +00:59:59.608 --> 01:00:01.439 +Vivica, get off the line now! -01:03:35.767 --> 01:03:38.900 -* ME AND MY GAL -ARE RIDIN' AROUND * +01:00:03.746 --> 01:00:06.146 +A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker. -01:03:38.967 --> 01:03:43.067 -* I'M THE ENVY OF -EACH AND EVERY GUY IN TOWN * +01:00:06.248 --> 01:00:08.307 +Calm down. +Here's what you're gonna do. -01:03:43.133 --> 01:03:46.800 -* SHE LOOKS SO SHARP, -AND MY GIRL DOES, TOO * +01:00:08.417 --> 01:00:09.617 +Get your hands on some bleach, -01:03:46.867 --> 01:03:52.133 -* AND EVERYBODY KNOWS -WHAT I'M GONNA DO * +01:00:09.685 --> 01:00:12.051 +some hydrogen peroxide +and a shitload of lime. -01:03:52.200 --> 01:03:55.900 -* GONNA TAKE A RIDE -ON MY BIKE * +01:00:12.154 --> 01:00:13.644 +No, a panda. -01:03:55.967 --> 01:03:59.767 -* GONNA TAKE IT -AND DRIVE ALL NIGHT * +01:00:13.756 --> 01:00:15.519 +I killed a panda. -01:03:59.833 --> 01:04:03.467 -* TELL MY CHEVY -TO TAKE A HIKE * +01:00:15.624 --> 01:00:17.421 +Amanda? Come on, dude. -01:04:03.533 --> 01:04:08.900 -* TAKE ANOTHER RIDE -ON MY BIKE ** +01:00:17.526 --> 01:00:19.551 +I mean, +that's probably not even her real name. -01:04:08.967 --> 01:04:11.100 -BLUE, I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU. +01:00:19.662 --> 01:00:21.323 +No, a panda! -01:04:27.533 --> 01:04:30.400 -PENNILESS. A REGULAR BUM. +01:00:21.430 --> 01:00:22.795 +A panda? -01:04:30.467 --> 01:04:33.267 -A HOBO WITH NO MONEY -AND NO PLACE TO GO. +01:00:22.898 --> 01:00:27.535 +A sweet, cuddly, +vicious little panda. -01:04:48.067 --> 01:04:50.500 -HEY, YOU OLD SCROUNGY -OLD ALLEY CAT. +01:00:27.670 --> 01:00:30.605 +Jesus Christ, tugg! +Man, don't scare me like that! -01:04:50.567 --> 01:04:52.133 -GET OUT OF THEM GARBAGE CANS. +01:00:30.706 --> 01:00:31.866 +It's beautiful here. -01:04:52.200 --> 01:04:54.433 -YOU TALKING TO ME, JACK? +01:00:31.974 --> 01:00:33.464 +You on the set? -01:04:54.500 --> 01:04:57.533 -WHAT THE HELL -YOU DOING THERE, ANYWAY? +01:00:33.576 --> 01:00:34.838 +I am the set. -01:04:57.600 --> 01:04:59.433 -MAN, HERE WE ARE ON THE BRINK -OF THE APOCALYPSE... +01:00:34.944 --> 01:00:37.913 +All right, man. +Hey, how's the TiVo working out? -01:04:59.500 --> 01:05:02.200 -THE EVE OF DESTRUCTION, -SO TO SPEAK... +01:00:38.014 --> 01:00:39.242 +Screw TiVo. -01:05:02.267 --> 01:05:04.267 -AND I CAN'T THINK -OF ANYTHING TO DO. +01:00:39.348 --> 01:00:41.816 +I'm way beyond TiVo. -01:05:04.333 --> 01:05:07.867 -OFFHAND, SON, -I'D SAY YOU HAVE GOT A PROBLEM. +01:00:41.917 --> 01:00:44.010 +Last I checked, +they hadn't hooked it up, though. -01:05:07.933 --> 01:05:08.967 -BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST. +01:00:44.120 --> 01:00:47.419 +Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo? -01:05:09.067 --> 01:05:10.567 -THE REVOLUTION -CAN USE A MAN LIKE YOU. +01:00:47.523 --> 01:00:49.354 +It doesn't matter anymore. -01:05:10.633 --> 01:05:13.300 --HOP ON. --OKAY. +01:00:52.194 --> 01:00:53.661 +I've moved on. -01:05:13.367 --> 01:05:14.600 --HELLO THERE. --HI. +01:00:54.397 --> 01:00:56.126 +Where have you moved on to? -01:05:14.667 --> 01:05:16.200 --HOW ARE YOU? --HIGH. +01:00:56.232 --> 01:00:57.722 +Another agency? -01:05:16.267 --> 01:05:18.767 -I'LL INTRODUCE YOU TO THE GUYS -AT THE CELL MEETING. +01:00:59.268 --> 01:01:00.792 +Who's with you? -01:05:56.867 --> 01:06:00.767 -BLUE! -GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT, MAN. +01:01:00.903 --> 01:01:03.064 +It's Nick Stevens, isn't it? +That little fucker. -01:06:00.833 --> 01:06:03.400 -HOWDY, JOHN. I BROUGHT ALONG -AN OLD BUDDY OF MINE. +01:01:03.172 --> 01:01:07.268 +You are still my client, tugg speedman! +I am getting the TiVo! -01:06:03.467 --> 01:06:06.200 -HE'S A BRIGHT LAD -BUT BORED WITH LIFE. +01:01:07.376 --> 01:01:09.571 +Jacket's on, I'm out the door! -01:06:06.267 --> 01:06:08.433 -FRITZ... +01:01:09.678 --> 01:01:10.736 +Tugg? -01:06:08.500 --> 01:06:10.700 -THIS HERE IS JOHN... +01:01:14.050 --> 01:01:15.347 +Please don't fire me. -01:06:10.767 --> 01:06:13.067 -FORMER BIKER -AND SMALL-TIME HOOD... +01:01:16.218 --> 01:01:17.412 +I did it, I did it! -01:06:13.067 --> 01:06:15.400 -TURNED FIGHTER FOR THE CAUSE. +01:01:17.520 --> 01:01:19.852 +Vivica, what do I have scheduled +this afternoon? -01:06:15.467 --> 01:06:17.267 -THAT CAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL HEAD. +01:01:19.955 --> 01:01:22.822 +- Two and a half men taping. +- Shit. -01:06:17.333 --> 01:06:18.767 -GLAD TO MEET YOU, MAN. +01:01:23.826 --> 01:01:24.850 +Cancel it. -01:06:18.833 --> 01:06:22.200 -ANOTHER CAST OUT -FOR THE BOURGEOIS VIEW. +01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:26.621 +And get me tugg's tropic thunder +contract. -01:06:22.267 --> 01:06:25.500 -FROM THE MOLD -OF BANKRUPT SEDENTARY. +01:01:26.729 --> 01:01:29.857 +I'm going to Grossman's office, +I'm playing the card. -01:06:25.567 --> 01:06:28.367 -WHAT'S THE STATE OF -HIS POLITICAL CONSCIOUSNESS? +01:01:29.965 --> 01:01:30.965 +Okay. -01:06:28.433 --> 01:06:33.200 -PRACTICALLY NIL, I'M AFRAID. +01:01:34.537 --> 01:01:37.438 +Oh, mama. Thirsty. -01:06:33.267 --> 01:06:35.433 -OUR SHIPMENT CAME IN TODAY. +01:01:37.573 --> 01:01:39.632 +He doesn't look too good. -01:06:35.500 --> 01:06:38.267 -THIRTY-TWO SURVIVED. +01:01:39.742 --> 01:01:44.770 +Must drink, +so I can throw something up! -01:06:44.300 --> 01:06:45.967 -GO AROUND. +01:01:44.880 --> 01:01:47.007 +No, no. Don't drink that water! +That water's like a petri dish! -01:06:51.300 --> 01:06:52.867 -HEY, CHIEF. +01:01:47.116 --> 01:01:48.208 +No, don't! -01:06:52.933 --> 01:06:57.067 -WE'VE GOT SOME GREAT LITTLE -ACTION PLANNED FOR TONIGHT. +01:01:48.317 --> 01:01:50.842 +Alpa, do you have any Booty sweat? -01:06:57.133 --> 01:07:00.067 -WE'RE GONNA PARALYZE -THE WHOLE FUCKING CITY. +01:01:50.953 --> 01:01:53.319 +Yeah, get him chugging on +some of alpa's ass water. -01:07:00.100 --> 01:07:02.200 -IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT, MAN. +01:01:53.422 --> 01:01:55.356 +That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. -01:07:02.267 --> 01:07:04.833 -THE SHIT IS REALLY -GONNA COME DOWN TONIGHT. +01:01:55.458 --> 01:01:57.358 +Man, what you coming out +in movies for anyway? -01:07:04.900 --> 01:07:06.433 -WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING WE NEED... +01:01:57.460 --> 01:01:59.121 +Did you need another revenue stream? -01:07:06.500 --> 01:07:09.367 -FOR THREE SYNCHRONIZED -SABOTAGE ACTIONS. +01:01:59.228 --> 01:02:02.026 +For your information, +my revenue stream -01:07:09.433 --> 01:07:10.900 -THE CITY WILL BE OURS. +01:02:02.131 --> 01:02:04.463 +currently generates $2 million a year -01:07:10.967 --> 01:07:12.267 -THE MACHINERY -OF THE ESTABLISHMENT'S +01:02:04.567 --> 01:02:06.501 +in charitable contributions +for my community. -01:07:12.333 --> 01:07:14.267 -GONNA BE IN RUINS BY MORNING. +01:02:06.602 --> 01:02:08.934 +- Hot damn. +- And why am I in this movie? -01:07:14.333 --> 01:07:17.500 -THE GOVERNMENT WILL FALL -WITHOUT FIRING ONE GODDAMN SHOT. +01:02:09.038 --> 01:02:11.370 +Maybe I just knew I had to represent, -01:07:17.567 --> 01:07:19.167 -THE NEW MAYOR WILL RESIGN... +01:02:11.474 --> 01:02:13.271 +because they had one good part +in it for a black man -01:07:19.233 --> 01:07:22.333 -AND WE'LL MOVE IN -AND SET UP A TRIBUNAL. +01:02:13.375 --> 01:02:15.434 +and they gave it to crocodile dundee. -01:07:26.533 --> 01:07:28.567 -IT'S CURTAINS. +01:02:17.046 --> 01:02:20.607 +Pump your brakes, kid. +That man is a national treasure. -01:07:28.633 --> 01:07:30.233 -BLUE, HONEY, -TALK TO ME A MINUTE. +01:02:20.716 --> 01:02:22.843 +I just wanted to throw another shrimp +on your Barbie. -01:07:30.300 --> 01:07:31.433 -DON'T BOTHER ME. +01:02:22.952 --> 01:02:24.078 +That shit ain't funny. -01:07:31.500 --> 01:07:32.767 -I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, HONEY. -LET'S GO. +01:02:24.186 --> 01:02:26.882 +Hey, fellas! It's hot! +We're tired! It stinks! -01:07:32.833 --> 01:07:33.933 -LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE. +01:02:26.989 --> 01:02:28.590 +I'm just fucking with you, +kangaroo Jack! -01:07:34.067 --> 01:07:35.933 -YOU AND ME, WE'LL GO -AND GET SOME CHINKS. +01:02:28.657 --> 01:02:30.386 +I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby. -01:07:36.067 --> 01:07:36.933 -I'M SO HUNGRY. +01:02:30.493 --> 01:02:32.961 +You know that's a true story? +Lady lost her kid. -01:07:37.067 --> 01:07:37.967 -I AIN'T HUNGRY. +01:02:33.062 --> 01:02:35.724 +- You about to cross some fucking lines. +- Guys, relax and stuff. -01:07:38.067 --> 01:07:40.067 -DON'T TURN OFF ON ME. +01:02:35.831 --> 01:02:36.889 +You know what? Fuck that, man! -01:07:40.100 --> 01:07:42.367 -BESIDES... -YOU DON'T NEED THAT GARBAGE. +01:02:36.999 --> 01:02:39.661 +I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger +telling me... -01:07:42.433 --> 01:07:45.867 -EVERY TIME YOU'RE WITH -YOUR FRIENDS YOU DON'T PAY... +01:02:44.406 --> 01:02:45.964 +For 400 years, -01:07:45.933 --> 01:07:46.867 -YOU SON OF A BITCH! +01:02:47.009 --> 01:02:49.910 +that word has kept us down. -01:07:46.933 --> 01:07:47.900 -THAT HURT ME, GOD DAMN IT! +01:02:50.980 --> 01:02:52.607 +What the fuck? -01:07:47.967 --> 01:07:50.567 -WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, -A BOXING BALL? +01:02:52.715 --> 01:02:56.481 +It took a whole lot of trying +just to get up that hill. -01:07:50.633 --> 01:07:53.600 -A PUNCHING BAG! +01:02:56.585 --> 01:02:59.486 +Now we up in the big leagues, -01:07:53.667 --> 01:07:55.267 -HIT HER! HIT HER! +01:02:59.588 --> 01:03:01.351 +getting our turn at bat. -01:07:55.333 --> 01:07:56.700 -YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE? +01:03:01.457 --> 01:03:04.119 +Long as we live, it's you and me, baby. -01:07:56.767 --> 01:07:58.867 -YOU'RE A BUNCH OF CLOSET FAGS. +01:03:04.793 --> 01:03:08.126 +That's the theme song for +the jeffersons. You really need help. -01:07:58.933 --> 01:08:03.500 -SHUT UP! +01:03:08.230 --> 01:03:11.358 +Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, +don't make it not true. -01:08:03.567 --> 01:08:05.067 -AND WHEN I LEAVE THIS PLACE... +01:03:11.467 --> 01:03:13.401 +You know what? +I'm gonna tell you what's true. -01:08:05.067 --> 01:08:07.400 -YOU'LL GET TOGETHER -AND SCREW ONE ANOTHER. +01:03:13.502 --> 01:03:16.938 +I'm gonna tag you back. +You better believe that, baby. -01:08:07.467 --> 01:08:09.167 -THAT'S NICE. -THAT IS NICE. +01:03:17.039 --> 01:03:19.633 +Guys! Hey, guys! -01:08:09.233 --> 01:08:12.067 -SEE, SHE LOVES IT. +01:03:20.242 --> 01:03:22.710 +Jeff, stay away from that animal. -01:08:12.100 --> 01:08:14.200 -I LOVE IT, TOO. +01:03:25.080 --> 01:03:27.913 +I'm gonna bite his hide. I need... -01:08:14.267 --> 01:08:16.367 -WE'VE GOT A LOT -OF LOUSY TIME TO KILL. +01:03:28.951 --> 01:03:32.216 +I need to wear his stomach skin +like a unitard. -01:08:16.433 --> 01:08:18.900 -TO ZERO HOUR. +01:03:33.189 --> 01:03:36.488 +Ain't nobody doing nothing +to no one or body! -01:08:18.967 --> 01:08:20.700 -I THINK I'M GONNA RIDE -THAT GODDAMN HORSE. +01:03:36.592 --> 01:03:41.461 +Now, if Mr. portnoy is feeling +a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk, -01:08:20.767 --> 01:08:22.500 -THEN GO ON, HAVE A GO. -YOU'LL LOVE IT. +01:03:41.564 --> 01:03:43.623 +put him up on that cloven-hoof animal! -01:08:22.567 --> 01:08:25.367 -LET ME RIDE -THAT GODDAMN HORSE. +01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:46.297 +We got ground to cover! -01:08:25.433 --> 01:08:26.333 -GET ON WITH IT. +01:04:15.297 --> 01:04:18.562 +All right, pow camp, scene 67. -01:08:26.400 --> 01:08:27.400 -YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? +01:04:19.468 --> 01:04:21.197 +Bring it on, cockburn! -01:08:27.467 --> 01:08:31.533 -YOU'RE A BUNCH -OF FUCKING NAZI FAGS! +01:04:29.278 --> 01:04:31.712 +Maybe he's not, you know, +Ridley Scott or something, -01:08:31.600 --> 01:08:32.533 -GUYS, THAT'S UNCOOL. +01:04:31.814 --> 01:04:33.611 +but I think renny harlin's +a tremendous filmmaker -01:08:32.600 --> 01:08:34.067 -DON'T DO THAT. +01:04:33.716 --> 01:04:36.514 +like, adventures of Ford fairlane, +you know, -01:08:34.133 --> 01:08:35.467 -LISTEN, YOU SON OF A BITCH. +01:04:36.619 --> 01:04:40.248 +as far as an Andrew Dice Clay +vehicle goes, it's pretty decent. -01:08:35.533 --> 01:08:39.100 -YOU LOUSY... +01:04:40.356 --> 01:04:42.790 +And cliffhanger. +Cliffhanger's incredible. -01:08:39.167 --> 01:08:41.300 -CUT IT OUT. -YOU'RE HURTING HER! +01:04:42.891 --> 01:04:46.349 +As far as the whole like, +man against nature type of movies go, -01:08:41.367 --> 01:08:44.067 -YOU MANIACS! -WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HER? +01:04:46.462 --> 01:04:48.623 +it's absolutely amazing. -01:08:44.067 --> 01:08:49.200 -GO AHEAD AND HIT ME! +01:04:48.731 --> 01:04:50.631 +Shut the fuck up! -01:08:49.267 --> 01:08:50.300 -MY GOD, MY GOD! +01:04:55.271 --> 01:04:56.932 +Who send you here? -01:08:50.367 --> 01:08:51.900 -I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! +01:04:57.039 --> 01:05:01.669 +Tayback, John, sergeant, +United States army. -01:08:56.633 --> 01:08:58.300 -THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT, BLUE. +01:05:02.411 --> 01:05:07.815 +Serial number 694529987. -01:08:58.367 --> 01:09:01.333 -OUR RELATIONSHIP STINKS. +01:05:11.620 --> 01:05:14.612 +Perhaps some hot tea +will make conversing -01:09:24.067 --> 01:09:27.300 -COME ON, HARRIET. -LET'S GO INSIDE, IT'S COLD. +01:05:14.723 --> 01:05:16.486 +a little easier. -01:09:27.367 --> 01:09:29.833 -I HAVE TO GO TO BED BY DAY. +01:05:20.262 --> 01:05:22.355 +My leader's not quite as cordial. -01:09:29.900 --> 01:09:32.800 -COME ON INSIDE, BABY, -YOU'LL GET HURT OUT HERE. +01:05:25.834 --> 01:05:28.701 +Look, what? I just thought you might +like some hot tea -01:09:32.867 --> 01:09:35.333 -LISTEN, I TRIED -TO STOP THEM, BUT ... +01:05:28.804 --> 01:05:32.331 +- in order to calm your nerves. +- Tayback, John, sergeant, -01:09:35.400 --> 01:09:39.300 --COME ON, FRITZ! --WAIT A MINUTE, HUH? +01:05:32.474 --> 01:05:37.434 +United States army, 694529987. -01:09:39.367 --> 01:09:41.067 -JOHN SAYS -THIS NIGHT WILL MEAN... +01:05:38.280 --> 01:05:43.809 +And here's a little message +from my Uncle Sam. -01:09:41.133 --> 01:09:44.800 -A GREAT LEAP FORWARD -FOR AMERICA'S SOCIAL EVOLUTION. +01:05:49.458 --> 01:05:51.824 +Dude, you all right? -01:09:44.867 --> 01:09:50.767 -DIG IT, WE'RE GONNA BLOW UP -THE POWER PLANT. +01:05:51.927 --> 01:05:53.360 +Man you totally leaned into that. -01:09:50.833 --> 01:09:51.833 -THIS WILL KEEP YOU WARM. +01:05:53.462 --> 01:05:56.522 +I was pulling it back +and you just came in too... -01:09:51.900 --> 01:09:53.533 -I GOTTA GO. +01:05:56.632 --> 01:05:58.827 +Hey, it was an accident, man. -01:10:06.600 --> 01:10:08.000 -HEY, BABY. +01:06:01.370 --> 01:06:03.304 +Come on, good. +You want to keep going? -01:10:08.067 --> 01:10:09.967 -WE ALL HAD A GOOD TIME TODAY -AND GOT OUR ROCKS OFF. +01:06:03.405 --> 01:06:04.997 +- Let's go. +- Get up. -01:10:14.367 --> 01:10:17.600 -NOW WE MUST DEVOTE OURSELVES -TO THE GREAT TASK BEFORE US. +01:06:05.107 --> 01:06:06.699 +I rather rot in your v.C. Jail! -01:10:35.733 --> 01:10:37.267 -WHAT'D YOU HAVE -TO HIT HER SO HARD FOR? +01:06:06.809 --> 01:06:10.677 +I'll never bend to your will! +You scum! You scum! -01:10:37.333 --> 01:10:38.900 -SHE LOVED IT. +01:06:10.779 --> 01:06:12.804 +Now say this +and go to the beginning again, -01:10:38.967 --> 01:10:40.733 -ME AND YOU HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED -TO BLOW UP THE POWER PLANT. +01:06:12.915 --> 01:06:14.678 +let's do the tea part, okay? -01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:42.233 -THAT'S ALL I CARE ABOUT. +01:06:16.218 --> 01:06:17.651 +Dude, I hope you're not pissed. -01:10:42.300 --> 01:10:45.300 -THE REVOLUTION. +01:06:17.986 --> 01:06:19.783 +I see moss on both sides of that tree. -01:10:45.367 --> 01:10:46.967 -YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT! +01:06:19.888 --> 01:06:23.016 +Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't +the only one at boot camp... -01:10:47.033 --> 01:10:48.133 -ALL YOU CARE ABOUT... -IS A REASON TO HURT, +01:06:23.125 --> 01:06:25.025 +My belly really hurts, you guys! -01:10:48.200 --> 01:10:50.433 -TO DESTROY, TO BLOW UP. +01:06:25.127 --> 01:06:27.322 +I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous. -01:11:01.200 --> 01:11:02.733 -YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT -A REAL REVOLUTION IS. +01:06:27.429 --> 01:06:29.670 +Let me off, I gotta puke! +I don't wanna die like hendrix! -01:11:02.800 --> 01:11:04.867 -NONE OF YOU SONS OF BITCHES DO. +01:06:29.765 --> 01:06:31.426 +All right. All right. -01:11:13.567 --> 01:11:19.100 -HARRIET, WELL, SHE'S GOOD. +01:06:36.004 --> 01:06:37.995 +Are you okay, Jeff? -01:11:19.167 --> 01:11:23.133 -SHE'S REAL. SHE LOVES. +01:06:38.107 --> 01:06:39.472 +I'm awesome. -01:11:23.200 --> 01:11:24.500 -SHE LOVES. +01:06:41.877 --> 01:06:43.344 +Holy shit! -01:11:24.567 --> 01:11:25.700 -AND WHEN YOU GET -RIGHT DOWN TO IT... +01:06:47.883 --> 01:06:50.044 +Okay. Everyone, down, down, down. -01:11:25.767 --> 01:11:27.333 -THAT'S WHERE IT'S REALLY AT. +01:06:54.757 --> 01:06:56.247 +Man. Now I'm tripping. -01:11:32.867 --> 01:11:37.067 -THE LOVE YOU GIVE IS EQUAL -TO THE LOVE YOU GET. +01:06:56.358 --> 01:06:58.986 +That looks like the pow camp +from out the script, yo. -01:11:37.133 --> 01:11:38.067 -WELL, FUCK IT. +01:06:59.862 --> 01:07:01.557 +Speedman was right? -01:11:38.067 --> 01:11:39.300 -I AIN'T DOING IT. +01:07:01.663 --> 01:07:03.028 +I don't think so. -01:11:39.367 --> 01:11:41.300 -SO LONG, FRITZ. +01:07:03.132 --> 01:07:05.362 +Look at the cooking vats, +the armed guards. -01:11:41.367 --> 01:11:43.867 -I AIN'T PLANTING THIS BOMB -FOR YOU SCHMUCKS. +01:07:06.969 --> 01:07:09.062 +Looks like a heroin processing plant. -01:12:10.267 --> 01:12:11.433 -FAR OUT. +01:07:10.172 --> 01:07:11.298 +We were in that chopper for hours. -01:13:30.767 --> 01:13:34.367 -AND THOUGH AFTER MY SKIN WORMS -DESTROY THIS BODY... +01:07:11.407 --> 01:07:13.671 +I don't even think +we're in Vietnam anymore. -01:13:34.433 --> 01:13:37.500 -YET IN MY FLESH -SHALL I SEE GOD... +01:07:13.776 --> 01:07:16.210 +- Fuck. +- Shit. We ain't even in 'nam? -01:13:37.567 --> 01:13:40.400 -WHOM I SHALL SEE -FOR MYSELF. +01:07:16.311 --> 01:07:19.075 +No, most likely Myanmar or Laos. -01:13:40.467 --> 01:13:42.833 -FRITZ! YOU GOTTA -LET US SEE OUR FRITZ! +01:07:19.181 --> 01:07:20.739 +What the fuck is Laos? -01:13:42.900 --> 01:13:44.700 -WHERE IS HE? -WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM? +01:07:20.849 --> 01:07:22.009 +It's the golden triangle. -01:13:44.767 --> 01:13:46.267 -YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE, -YOU JUST CAN'T. +01:07:22.117 --> 01:07:24.085 +Oh, fuck. We're dead. -01:13:46.333 --> 01:13:47.533 -I'M SORRY, GIRLS. +01:07:24.186 --> 01:07:26.154 +No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV. -01:13:47.600 --> 01:13:49.700 --HE'S UNDER HOUSE ARREST. --LET US SEE HIM ! PLEASE! +01:07:26.255 --> 01:07:30.282 +Fucking boats, airplanes, +ufos and shit, they all just vanish! -01:13:49.767 --> 01:13:51.100 --NO ONE GETS IN. --HE'S HURT. +01:07:30.392 --> 01:07:32.917 +Yo, that's the Bermuda triangle, +dumbass. -01:13:51.167 --> 01:13:52.833 -LORD JESUS... +01:07:33.028 --> 01:07:35.394 +This is the golden triangle. -01:13:52.900 --> 01:13:54.600 -AND SHALT BELIEVE -IN THINE HEART... +01:07:35.497 --> 01:07:37.098 +It's the world's hard drug superhighway. -01:13:54.667 --> 01:13:59.867 -THAT GOD HATH RAISED HIM -FROM THE DEAD. +01:07:37.166 --> 01:07:38.463 +How do you know that? -01:14:00.067 --> 01:14:01.767 -I RECKON HE, UH... +01:07:38.567 --> 01:07:41.297 +It was a really long trip. +I read the in-flight magazine. -01:14:01.833 --> 01:14:03.633 -HE MUST BE THROUGH. +01:07:43.105 --> 01:07:44.402 +Cut! -01:14:03.700 --> 01:14:09.400 -FINISHED. +01:07:44.506 --> 01:07:45.973 +Oh, Jesus! -01:14:09.467 --> 01:14:10.833 -FOR WITH THE HEART... +01:07:46.074 --> 01:07:48.565 +What do you see, man? I'm blocked. -01:14:10.900 --> 01:14:13.300 -MAN BELIEVETH -UNTO RIGHTEOUSNESS... +01:07:48.677 --> 01:07:50.042 +Damien, cut! -01:14:13.367 --> 01:14:14.300 -AND WITH THE MOUTH... +01:07:51.814 --> 01:07:53.406 +Hey, Damien, cut! -01:14:14.367 --> 01:14:17.733 -CONFESSION -IS MADE UNTO SALVATION. +01:07:54.249 --> 01:07:55.910 +They got speedman. -01:14:17.800 --> 01:14:21.267 -HE THAT COVERETH HIS SINS -SHALL NOT PROSPER... +01:07:56.485 --> 01:07:57.918 +And it doesn't look good. -01:14:21.333 --> 01:14:24.933 -BUT WHOSO CONFESSETH -AND FORSAKETH THEM... +01:08:30.586 --> 01:08:31.883 +I am tran. -01:14:25.067 --> 01:14:27.467 -SHALL HAVE MERCY. +01:08:32.855 --> 01:08:35.016 +You are a trespasser in my poppy fields. -01:14:27.533 --> 01:14:29.333 -FRITZ, WE'RE SO SORRY, BABY. +01:08:36.425 --> 01:08:39.053 +You are d.E.A. Scum! -01:14:47.500 --> 01:14:48.967 -HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING. +01:08:40.996 --> 01:08:44.432 +Were there some re-writes +that I missed? -01:14:53.533 --> 01:14:56.467 -I'VE BEEN UP AND DOWN... +01:08:50.739 --> 01:08:52.229 +Do you want to die? -01:14:56.533 --> 01:15:02.333 -THE FOUR CORNERS... -OF THIS BIG OLD WORLD. +01:08:53.008 --> 01:08:54.475 +- Do you? +- No! -01:15:02.400 --> 01:15:08.467 -I'VE...SEEN IT ALL... -AND I'VE DONE IT ALL. +01:08:54.576 --> 01:08:58.706 +Please, don't hurt me! -01:15:11.300 --> 01:15:15.833 -I'VE FOUGHT MANY A GOOD MAN... +01:09:06.588 --> 01:09:07.782 +Say that again. -01:15:15.900 --> 01:15:20.067 -AND I'VE LAID MANY A GOOD WOMAN. +01:09:08.790 --> 01:09:10.587 +Please, don't hurt me. -01:15:20.100 --> 01:15:22.533 -AND... +01:09:10.692 --> 01:09:13.786 +No! Like you did before! Say it! -01:15:22.600 --> 01:15:27.167 -IF THERE'S ONE THING -I'VE LEARNED... +01:09:14.763 --> 01:09:15.763 +Say it! -01:15:27.233 --> 01:15:30.433 -IT'S...IT'S... +01:09:15.864 --> 01:09:19.857 +Please, don't hurt me! -01:15:30.500 --> 01:15:31.733 -YOU GET OVER HERE... +01:09:35.484 --> 01:09:38.078 +- What? +- You are simple Jack. -01:15:31.800 --> 01:15:35.200 -AND YOU GET -DOWN THERE LIKE THAT... +01:09:41.056 --> 01:09:42.921 +You saw simple Jack? -01:15:57.100 --> 01:15:59.200 -POOR CAT. +01:09:43.025 --> 01:09:45.357 +We love the tale of this man, +simple Jack. -01:15:59.267 --> 01:16:02.733 -HE WAS A... -HE WAS A TOUGH KID +01:09:47.062 --> 01:09:48.893 +We do not have many luxury here. -01:16:02.800 --> 01:16:04.500 -AT THAT, WASN'T HE? +01:09:48.997 --> 01:09:51.431 +And simple Jack is the only movie +we possess. -01:16:18.200 --> 01:16:23.067 -* DOWN THE LANE -THEY'RE STROLLING * +01:09:51.533 --> 01:09:55.367 +You got the vhs. -01:16:23.133 --> 01:16:28.067 -* TWO BY TWO * +01:09:55.470 --> 01:09:57.529 +We've watched it many, many times. -01:16:28.100 --> 01:16:31.533 -* HOLDING HANDS * +01:09:57.639 --> 01:10:00.107 +You should've got Oscar. -01:16:31.600 --> 01:16:35.333 -* THEY SMILE LIKE -WE USED TO DO * +01:10:03.145 --> 01:10:04.908 +Well, you know. It's... -01:16:38.367 --> 01:16:44.067 -* HERE WITH THEIR -ONE AND ONLY * +01:10:06.181 --> 01:10:08.777 +Just to be nominated... +You were nominated? -01:16:44.067 --> 01:16:49.333 -* I'D FORGOTTEN -I WAS LONELY * +01:10:08.884 --> 01:10:10.408 +No, no, no. I wasn't nominated. -01:16:49.400 --> 01:16:54.333 -* OH, HOW I WISH -THAT HERE WERE THERE WITH YOU * +01:10:10.519 --> 01:10:13.682 +I'm just saying that to have been +nominated would have been nice. -01:16:59.433 --> 01:17:05.433 -* ALL THE DAYS OF SADNESS -THEY SEEM SO NEEDLESS NOW * +01:10:13.789 --> 01:10:16.189 +It's just... it's very political. +You have to take out ads... -01:17:09.233 --> 01:17:14.933 -* YES, IT'S TAKEN ME -THIS LONG, LONG TIME * +01:10:16.258 --> 01:10:18.749 +- Shut up now! +- Okay. Okay. -01:17:15.067 --> 01:17:19.633 -* TO SEE -IT'S CLEAR * +01:10:19.595 --> 01:10:21.324 +So, are you going to -01:17:19.700 --> 01:17:25.633 -* AND MY DREAMS -KEEP DRIFTING BACK TO ME * +01:10:22.965 --> 01:10:24.592 +let me go, or... -01:17:29.533 --> 01:17:35.467 -* AND OUR STROLLS BENEATH THESE -SAME STARS ABOVE * +01:10:24.700 --> 01:10:26.827 +No. We'll hold you for ransom. -01:17:39.567 --> 01:17:44.667 -* AND WHEN THE LEAVES -ARE FALLING * +01:10:26.935 --> 01:10:28.732 +Much more money now! -01:17:45.667 --> 01:17:51.067 -* MY HEART WILL BE RECALLING * +01:10:40.315 --> 01:10:41.315 +He's in a meeting. -01:17:51.067 --> 01:17:57.067 -* YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL -I EVER REALLY LOVED * +01:10:41.416 --> 01:10:44.180 +Yeah, I know. +In about two seconds with the pecker. +01:10:45.220 --> 01:10:47.085 +I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off. + +01:10:47.189 --> 01:10:49.851 +You wanna talk about trouble? +That's trouble. + +01:10:49.958 --> 01:10:51.516 +Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. + +01:10:53.428 --> 01:10:55.328 +What do you need, peck? + +01:10:55.430 --> 01:10:58.058 +No, more like what do you need, les? + +01:10:58.166 --> 01:10:59.360 +Glasses? + +01:11:00.435 --> 01:11:01.493 +What? + +01:11:01.603 --> 01:11:04.094 +So you can read +the tropic thunder contract + +01:11:04.206 --> 01:11:06.606 +that guarantees my client, +tugg speedman, + +01:11:06.708 --> 01:11:10.439 +some form of digital video recorder +on location. + +01:11:11.213 --> 01:11:13.340 +- Huh? +- I can't believe you let him in. + +01:11:14.983 --> 01:11:17.816 +Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, +so why don't you get the hell out of here + +01:11:17.919 --> 01:11:20.979 +before I snap your dick off +and jam it into your ass? + +01:11:21.089 --> 01:11:23.114 +No, not you, Helen. + +01:11:23.225 --> 01:11:26.922 +But I will rip your tits off +if you don't get me those theaters. + +01:11:27.029 --> 01:11:28.553 +Perfect. + +01:11:28.664 --> 01:11:31.098 +Hey, tuggernuts, +I've got you on speakerphone. + +01:11:31.199 --> 01:11:33.064 +I'm standing here with les Grossman, + +01:11:33.168 --> 01:11:36.331 +and he is dying to tell you +why he's apparently wiped his ass + +01:11:36.438 --> 01:11:38.736 +with the TiVo clause from your contract. + +01:11:39.941 --> 01:11:41.932 +We are flaming dragon. + +01:11:42.044 --> 01:11:44.410 +Speedman is with us now. + +01:11:44.513 --> 01:11:48.074 +For 50 million, you will get him back. + +01:11:48.183 --> 01:11:50.344 +- Are you gonna get those... +- Who is this? + +01:11:50.452 --> 01:11:53.148 +- And how did you get this phone? +- We are flaming dragon! + +01:11:53.255 --> 01:11:55.155 +Simple Jack belong to us now. + +01:11:57.893 --> 01:11:59.918 +He does, does he? + +01:12:00.028 --> 01:12:02.496 +Let me tell you something, shitbird. + +01:12:02.597 --> 01:12:05.031 +I've never even heard +of your little agency. + +01:12:05.133 --> 01:12:07.101 +But if you think +you can poach my client... + +01:12:07.202 --> 01:12:11.730 +Send $50 million, or you no see +simple Jack again because we kill him. + +01:12:11.840 --> 01:12:13.330 +This is les Grossman. Who is this? + +01:12:13.442 --> 01:12:15.740 +This is flaming dragon! + +01:12:15.844 --> 01:12:18.608 +Okay. Flaming dragon. Fuckface. + +01:12:18.714 --> 01:12:23.549 +First, take a big step back +and literally fuck your own face! + +01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:27.650 +Now, I don't know what kind of +pan-pacific bullshit power play + +01:12:27.756 --> 01:12:30.224 +you're trying to pull here, +but Asia, Jack, is my territory. + +01:12:30.325 --> 01:12:31.622 +So whatever you're thinking, +you better think again. + +01:12:31.727 --> 01:12:33.092 +Otherwise, I'm gonna +have to head down there, + +01:12:33.195 --> 01:12:36.562 +and I will rain down an ungodly +fucking firestorm upon you. + +01:12:36.665 --> 01:12:38.292 +You're gonna have to call +the fucking united nations + +01:12:38.400 --> 01:12:42.427 +and get a fucking binding resolution +to keep me from fucking destroying you. + +01:12:42.537 --> 01:12:45.131 +I am talking scorched earth, +motherfucker! + +01:12:45.240 --> 01:12:47.003 +I will massacre you! + +01:12:47.109 --> 01:12:49.043 +I will fuck you up! + +01:12:56.852 --> 01:12:58.892 +- Could you find out who that was? Go. +- Yeah. Yeah. + +01:13:34.022 --> 01:13:37.014 +You wear these. +More like simple Jack teeth. + +01:13:37.125 --> 01:13:38.854 +Okay. + +01:13:38.960 --> 01:13:41.622 +Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, +and that's great... + +01:13:44.699 --> 01:13:46.326 +Put teeth in! + +01:13:53.441 --> 01:13:55.306 +Now do movie. + +01:13:55.410 --> 01:13:57.071 +The whole movie? + +01:13:57.179 --> 01:13:58.840 +I can't. I don't know the whole... + +01:13:58.947 --> 01:14:01.438 +You perform! You perform or die! + +01:14:02.184 --> 01:14:03.674 +Monkey swine! + +01:14:06.588 --> 01:14:07.987 +Pa. + +01:14:09.958 --> 01:14:11.323 +More stupid! + +01:14:13.094 --> 01:14:18.157 +Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad? + +01:14:20.602 --> 01:14:21.933 +You saw what I saw. + +01:14:22.037 --> 01:14:24.631 +Tugg speedman is dead meat +if we don't do something soon. + +01:14:24.739 --> 01:14:27.105 +Yeah. We could do something +by getting our asses back to the hotel, + +01:14:27.209 --> 01:14:28.540 +which is in the other direction! + +01:14:28.643 --> 01:14:30.235 +Ain't right. + +01:14:30.345 --> 01:14:32.370 +What would've happened +in the great escape + +01:14:32.480 --> 01:14:36.314 +if Steve McQueen and them dudes +had turned tail and ran? + +01:14:36.418 --> 01:14:40.411 +Well, that's what that movie was about. +They were escaping. They ran away. + +01:14:40.522 --> 01:14:43.150 +I'm trying to agree with you. +The point is they did something. + +01:14:43.258 --> 01:14:44.452 +Then what are we supposed to do, huh? + +01:14:44.559 --> 01:14:48.461 +'Cause he's cleaning a gun +with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan. + +01:14:48.563 --> 01:14:52.693 +I'm just like a little boy, +playing with his dick when he's nervous. + +01:14:55.904 --> 01:14:58.395 +Wait a minute. Wait a minute. +Wait a minute. + +01:14:58.506 --> 01:15:01.566 +I got an idea. +This might be a little crazy. + +01:15:01.676 --> 01:15:03.644 +Crazy's better than nothing. + +01:15:03.745 --> 01:15:07.704 +Back in '98, I did a low-budget +titty comedy for skinemax. + +01:15:07.816 --> 01:15:11.149 +- Sex camp. Remember it? +- Yeah. + +01:15:11.253 --> 01:15:15.212 +Anyway, me and the campers +from the uncool camp + +01:15:15.323 --> 01:15:17.848 +had to break into the rich girl camp. + +01:15:17.959 --> 01:15:19.654 +So, what we did, + +01:15:19.761 --> 01:15:22.753 +we built a catapult +out of logs and underwear, + +01:15:22.864 --> 01:15:26.425 +and they shot us over the wall, +and we parachuted down. + +01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:35.567 +Look, you guys, we +already know the plan. + +01:15:35.677 --> 01:15:37.645 +Are you fucking kidding me? +I'm giving you gold. + +01:15:37.746 --> 01:15:42.115 +We do it just like in the book, +chapter 26, the wet offensive. + +01:15:42.217 --> 01:15:44.617 +The book of tropic thunder. + +01:15:44.719 --> 01:15:46.949 +Yeah, did you guys read the book? + +01:15:48.256 --> 01:15:50.884 +The flap, I read the back flap +and saw the pictures. + +01:15:51.660 --> 01:15:54.788 +Well, it's okay. +It's exactly the same as in the script. + +01:15:54.896 --> 01:15:55.954 +Cool. + +01:15:57.933 --> 01:16:00.493 +You guys all read the script, right? + +01:16:00.602 --> 01:16:02.695 +I don't read the script, script reads me. + +01:16:03.872 --> 01:16:05.339 +What the hell does that even mean? + +01:16:05.440 --> 01:16:08.807 +What you getting at with the books, +scripts? Spit that shit out, man! + +01:16:12.147 --> 01:16:13.978 +All right. The wet offensive. + +01:16:15.016 --> 01:16:17.918 +Osiris and fats go undercover +as a diversion. + +01:16:18.019 --> 01:16:20.351 +Motown and Brooklyn sneak in +via the river. + +01:16:20.455 --> 01:16:22.855 +Yeah. But those dudes +was trained soldiers. + +01:16:24.726 --> 01:16:25.784 +Yeah! + +01:16:26.861 --> 01:16:29.853 +And we trained actors, motherfucker. + +01:16:29.965 --> 01:16:34.299 +Time to man up. +And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. + +01:16:34.402 --> 01:16:37.166 +Some of us +might not even make it back. + +01:16:37.272 --> 01:16:40.366 +What do you mean? +Like not on the same flight? + +01:16:43.078 --> 01:16:45.842 +Alpa and I's already wearing +earth mama's natural night camo. + +01:16:45.947 --> 01:16:47.778 +- Cool it, Benson. +- Sorry. + +01:16:48.850 --> 01:16:53.378 +We gonna scout, get a plan together. +We ain't back in 20, come looking. + +01:16:54.889 --> 01:16:56.754 +We are flaming dragon. + +01:17:00.495 --> 01:17:01.689 +Okay. + +01:17:02.998 --> 01:17:06.092 +Flaming dragon's +a heroin manufacturer. + +01:17:06.201 --> 01:17:09.295 +They're responsible +for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia. + +01:17:09.404 --> 01:17:12.635 +- Huge profit margin. +- Guys! + +01:17:12.741 --> 01:17:15.676 +Would somebody please let me know +what the game plan is? + +01:17:15.777 --> 01:17:17.506 +Peck! We have it handled. + +01:17:17.612 --> 01:17:20.103 +Please, don't interrupt. +Everything's under control. + +01:17:20.215 --> 01:17:22.206 +I got it. Got it. + +01:17:34.329 --> 01:17:36.559 +- Les Grossman. +- We not get money yet. + +01:17:37.098 --> 01:17:39.225 +Price now 100 million! + +01:17:39.334 --> 01:17:42.167 +You pay now, +or tomorrow simple Jack die. + +01:17:42.270 --> 01:17:45.330 +Great. Let me get this down. + +01:17:45.440 --> 01:17:46.873 +100 million. + +01:17:46.975 --> 01:17:49.443 +Wait! I got a better idea. + +01:17:50.245 --> 01:17:52.076 +Instead of 100 million, + +01:17:52.180 --> 01:17:55.047 +how about I send you +a hobo's dick cheese? + +01:17:55.150 --> 01:17:57.470 +Then you kill him! Do your thing! +Skin the fucking bastard! + +01:17:57.552 --> 01:17:59.747 +Go to town, man! Go to town! + +01:17:59.854 --> 01:18:02.015 +- No... +- In the meantime, and as usual, + +01:18:02.123 --> 01:18:03.784 +go fuck yourself! + +01:18:04.893 --> 01:18:07.453 +- No. +- We don't negotiate with terrorists. + +01:18:09.564 --> 01:18:12.294 +Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! +Hey, hey, are you insane? + +01:18:12.400 --> 01:18:14.231 +- I think I could've done that better. +- I thought it was good. + +01:18:14.335 --> 01:18:16.200 +They're gonna kill him! + +01:18:19.274 --> 01:18:20.332 +And? + +01:18:22.677 --> 01:18:23.803 +"And?" + +01:18:25.180 --> 01:18:29.207 +It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens. + +01:18:31.519 --> 01:18:34.716 +We'll weep for him, in the press. + +01:18:34.856 --> 01:18:37.518 +Set up a scholarship in his name. + +01:18:37.625 --> 01:18:41.561 +Eventually, and I'm talking way, +way down the road, + +01:18:41.663 --> 01:18:43.153 +we file an insurance claim. + +01:18:43.264 --> 01:18:46.062 +Preferably before +the end of the fiscal year. + +01:18:46.167 --> 01:18:49.898 +Actually, the claim alone would net us +more than the movie would lose. + +01:18:52.006 --> 01:18:53.769 +You can't be serious. + +01:18:55.009 --> 01:18:56.567 +You kick in the door to my house, + +01:18:56.678 --> 01:19:02.139 +all ants in your pants, +sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap + +01:19:02.250 --> 01:19:06.846 +for the third runner-up +sexiest man alive 1998, + +01:19:06.955 --> 01:19:09.321 +and you're asking if I'm serious? + +01:19:13.194 --> 01:19:14.889 +Let's face it. + +01:19:14.996 --> 01:19:19.023 +The kids aren't dressing up as scorcher +for purim anymore. + +01:19:20.435 --> 01:19:23.427 +Speedman is a dying star, + +01:19:23.538 --> 01:19:26.769 +a white dwarf heading for a black hole. + +01:19:26.875 --> 01:19:29.605 +That's physics. It's inevitable. + +01:19:29.711 --> 01:19:33.044 +We've been handed +an incredible opportunity here, peck. + +01:19:33.148 --> 01:19:36.982 +The universe is talking to us right now. + +01:19:37.085 --> 01:19:38.643 +You just gotta listen. + +01:19:51.766 --> 01:19:55.361 +See, this is the good part, pecker. +This is when the job gets fun. + +01:19:55.470 --> 01:19:56.562 +Yeah. + +01:19:56.671 --> 01:19:59.834 +Ask and you shall receive. + +01:20:00.875 --> 01:20:05.005 +- All right. +- You play ball, we play ball. + +01:20:05.113 --> 01:20:08.480 +I know you want the goodies. + +01:20:08.583 --> 01:20:10.574 +Welcome to the goody room. + +01:20:10.685 --> 01:20:15.315 +You paying attention? +'Cause I'm talking g5 for the pecker. + +01:20:15.423 --> 01:20:16.685 +That's how you're gonna roll. + +01:20:16.791 --> 01:20:20.750 +No more frequent flier +bitch Miles for my boy. + +01:20:20.862 --> 01:20:22.159 +Yeah! + +01:20:22.664 --> 01:20:23.926 +Playa. + +01:20:24.799 --> 01:20:26.130 +Playa! + +01:20:27.168 --> 01:20:28.465 +Big dick playa. + +01:20:28.570 --> 01:20:30.561 +Swinging past your knees! + +01:20:30.672 --> 01:20:31.696 +Big dick, baby. + +01:20:31.806 --> 01:20:33.000 +Yep. + +01:20:36.344 --> 01:20:38.938 +Or you can grow a conscience + +01:20:39.047 --> 01:20:41.413 +in the next five minutes +and see where that takes you. + +01:20:46.387 --> 01:20:48.480 +Let me get this straight. + +01:20:48.590 --> 01:20:52.219 +You want me +to let my client of 15 years, + +01:20:52.327 --> 01:20:53.692 +one of my best friends, + +01:20:53.795 --> 01:20:58.425 +die in the jungle, alone, +for some money and a g5? + +01:20:59.567 --> 01:21:00.693 +Yes. + +01:21:05.773 --> 01:21:08.037 +A g5 airplane? + +01:21:10.144 --> 01:21:11.202 +Yes. + +01:21:12.280 --> 01:21:14.976 +And lots of money. + +01:21:16.351 --> 01:21:18.512 +Playa. + +01:21:21.422 --> 01:21:22.616 +Yeah! + +01:21:23.858 --> 01:21:26.452 +Smack it up, flip it, rub it down! + +01:21:29.030 --> 01:21:31.692 +But mama take care of Jack a lot. + +01:21:32.533 --> 01:21:36.264 +How many more sleeps +before she wakes up again? + +01:21:36.371 --> 01:21:37.895 +Sorry, Jack. + +01:21:38.006 --> 01:21:40.270 +She in heaven now. + +01:21:41.042 --> 01:21:44.307 +Damn! I thought the movie was bad. + +01:21:44.412 --> 01:21:47.540 +She sleep forever. + +01:21:47.649 --> 01:21:50.777 +To the man's credit, he's actually +eased up on the retard throttle. + +01:21:50.885 --> 01:21:54.480 +And now that's added a balance, +and the audience can connect. + +01:21:54.589 --> 01:21:58.389 +I mean, this is theater 101, +but, you know, he's had a tough road. + +01:21:58.493 --> 01:21:59.619 +He'll become a naturalist. + +01:21:59.727 --> 01:22:01.447 +- Yeah. +- Break down the aesthetic distance, + +01:22:01.529 --> 01:22:03.258 +then the... + +01:22:05.933 --> 01:22:07.560 +Told you I'd tag you back. + +01:22:10.238 --> 01:22:12.502 +Can I tell you that I'm sorry + +01:22:12.607 --> 01:22:14.905 +for any offense I might've caused, man? + +01:22:15.009 --> 01:22:17.375 +- I just got caught up in... +- In being a dumbass? + +01:22:17.478 --> 01:22:18.877 +I guess so. + +01:22:18.980 --> 01:22:21.676 +Why you still doing this +chicken George shit, I have no idea. + +01:22:21.783 --> 01:22:23.080 +- Neither do I. +- It's beyond me. + +01:22:23.184 --> 01:22:25.379 +- It's beyond me. +- You confused. + +01:22:25.486 --> 01:22:27.420 +- I am a little confused. +- I know. + +01:22:29.023 --> 01:22:30.820 +But are we cool? + +01:22:30.925 --> 01:22:32.256 +Not really. + +01:22:36.064 --> 01:22:37.656 +Hey, man. + +01:22:37.765 --> 01:22:39.460 +- How's it going? +- Good. Yourself? + +01:22:39.567 --> 01:22:41.592 +Hey, so, if it's no big deal, + +01:22:41.703 --> 01:22:44.570 +I think I'm just gonna hang back here +for the mission. + +01:22:44.672 --> 01:22:46.299 +Watch the stuff. + +01:22:46.407 --> 01:22:48.432 +- Is that cool? +- What? No! + +01:22:48.543 --> 01:22:50.443 +We need you, Jeff. + +01:22:50.545 --> 01:22:52.137 +What are you talking about? + +01:22:52.246 --> 01:22:53.804 +Okay, look, man. + +01:22:55.049 --> 01:22:57.347 +- I got something to tell you. +- Okay. + +01:22:59.587 --> 01:23:02.317 +You know those jellybeans +I was eating? + +01:23:02.423 --> 01:23:05.517 +Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay? + +01:23:06.427 --> 01:23:09.225 +- They were drugs. +- Really? + +01:23:09.330 --> 01:23:13.699 +I get down there near the mother lode, +I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man. + +01:23:13.801 --> 01:23:16.736 +I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin +in the fucking world. + +01:23:20.041 --> 01:23:24.205 +If you guys wanna make it through +this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree. + +01:23:25.580 --> 01:23:29.346 +- Are you serious? +- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree. + +01:23:29.450 --> 01:23:32.330 +And you can, no matter what, you can't +fucking untie me until it is done, + +01:23:32.420 --> 01:23:33.978 +until it is out of my system. + +01:23:34.088 --> 01:23:35.715 +I'm gonna say, +"hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool. + +01:23:35.823 --> 01:23:37.381 +"I'm finally better. I'm finally better. +Untie me." + +01:23:37.492 --> 01:23:40.689 +Don't listen to me! +Anything I fucking say is a lie! + +01:23:40.795 --> 01:23:42.126 +You got it! + +01:23:42.797 --> 01:23:44.856 +Goodbye, mama! + +01:23:44.966 --> 01:23:48.094 +Now you can have ice cream in heaven. + +01:23:48.202 --> 01:23:53.162 +I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed, +in my head movies. + +01:23:54.108 --> 01:23:58.704 +But this head movie +makes my eyes rain. + +01:24:07.755 --> 01:24:10.986 +Dang. +Short-bus is taking some real hits. + +01:24:12.860 --> 01:24:15.658 +- They got him on the move! +- That's torture, man. + +01:24:15.797 --> 01:24:18.664 +Okay. That's where they keeping him. + +01:24:18.766 --> 01:24:20.961 +I gotta get cracking on my costume. + +01:24:21.068 --> 01:24:22.467 +Say, are you good +with a needle and thread? + +01:24:22.570 --> 01:24:23.594 +Hell, yeah. + +01:24:23.704 --> 01:24:27.037 +Alpa chino chinos sold more than +five million pairs last spring at the gap. + +01:24:27.141 --> 01:24:29.837 +- I sewed them patterns myself, baby. +- Let's roll out. + +01:25:01.843 --> 01:25:04.073 +It's a little twig man Oscar. + +01:25:10.685 --> 01:25:13.085 +I'm going to call you half squat. + +01:25:14.789 --> 01:25:16.757 +And you can call me + +01:25:17.825 --> 01:25:19.122 +papa. + +01:25:42.617 --> 01:25:44.346 +Wow, look at all those stars. + +01:25:46.320 --> 01:25:48.288 +Really makes a guy feel pretty small. + +01:25:49.824 --> 01:25:52.384 +This could be the last time +we look at these stars. + +01:25:53.361 --> 01:25:54.828 +Man, that's beauty. + +01:25:56.764 --> 01:25:59.824 +Nights like tonight +make a man wonder what it's all about. + +01:25:59.934 --> 01:26:02.232 +Hey, you guys. +Anybody got some bug spray? + +01:26:04.071 --> 01:26:05.197 +Don't ignore me! + +01:26:05.306 --> 01:26:08.173 +Stick it out, man. +We're gonna get through this. + +01:26:09.310 --> 01:26:11.369 +- Hey, kirk? +- Yeah? + +01:26:11.479 --> 01:26:14.312 +Are you still dating +Jennifer love Hewitt? + +01:26:14.415 --> 01:26:15.814 +'Cause I think she's hot. + +01:26:15.917 --> 01:26:19.284 +No, that was just some +tabloid conjecture. + +01:26:19.387 --> 01:26:23.380 +Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. +You can untie me now. + +01:26:24.458 --> 01:26:25.789 +Funny, huh? + +01:26:25.893 --> 01:26:28.794 +The circus life 280 days a year +on location. + +01:26:30.031 --> 01:26:32.932 +It's hard to find a girl +that can hang with that, you know? + +01:26:34.735 --> 01:26:36.794 +Not one worth keeping, nohow. + +01:26:36.904 --> 01:26:39.202 +Hey, radar? Evans? + +01:26:39.307 --> 01:26:40.365 +No, it's Kevin. + +01:26:40.474 --> 01:26:42.203 +Kev, whatever the fuck. +Come over here. + +01:26:42.310 --> 01:26:44.540 +I didn't tell you, but fatties: Fart three +is coming down the pike, + +01:26:44.645 --> 01:26:48.137 +and there's a role in there for you +if you come over and untie me. + +01:26:48.249 --> 01:26:50.809 +Jeff, you're just going to +have to tough it out. + +01:26:50.918 --> 01:26:52.886 +Your mother's a cankerous whore! + +01:26:52.987 --> 01:26:54.318 +Jesus, man. + +01:26:55.356 --> 01:26:56.823 +Hey, man. + +01:26:56.924 --> 01:26:59.825 +Remember way back when I said +your mother was a cankerous whore? + +01:26:59.927 --> 01:27:03.328 +I'm sorry, man. +I did not mean that. She's not. + +01:27:03.431 --> 01:27:05.126 +How about you, man? + +01:27:05.266 --> 01:27:07.700 +You got some little minx waiting for you +on the other side of tomorrow? + +01:27:07.802 --> 01:27:09.269 +Me? + +01:27:09.370 --> 01:27:12.134 +I've barely even had a girlfriend, and... + +01:27:12.974 --> 01:27:16.637 +I was really hoping I'd get laid +when this movie came out, + +01:27:16.744 --> 01:27:19.144 +but that's not gonna happen. + +01:27:20.014 --> 01:27:21.481 +What about you, masterblaster? + +01:27:21.582 --> 01:27:24.263 +You got a certain someone you trying +to get with back in the states? + +01:27:24.318 --> 01:27:29.051 +What, alpa chino? +He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7. + +01:27:29.156 --> 01:27:30.384 +No. You missing me, man. + +01:27:30.491 --> 01:27:32.288 +I'm talking about something special. +Big difference. + +01:27:32.393 --> 01:27:33.587 +How about it? + +01:27:34.362 --> 01:27:35.488 +Yeah. + +01:27:36.897 --> 01:27:38.865 +Yeah, there is. + +01:27:38.966 --> 01:27:42.299 +Well? What's the skinny? +Y'all been on a date or what? + +01:27:42.403 --> 01:27:44.303 +No. I mean... + +01:27:44.405 --> 01:27:49.240 +I always wanted to, but I guess +I just never had the courage to ask. + +01:27:49.343 --> 01:27:51.038 +It's... it's complicated. + +01:27:51.145 --> 01:27:53.579 +No! It's simple as pie, man. + +01:27:53.681 --> 01:27:56.275 +You plant your feet in the ground, you +look her square in the eyes, you say, + +01:27:56.384 --> 01:28:00.013 +"hey, baby, you and me's going +on a date." That's the end of story. + +01:28:00.121 --> 01:28:02.817 +- What's her name? +- Lance. + +01:28:02.923 --> 01:28:04.686 +"Listen here, Lance..." + +01:28:05.559 --> 01:28:09.359 +Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? +Lance? + +01:28:09.463 --> 01:28:11.192 +- Did you say "Lance"? +- No! + +01:28:11.298 --> 01:28:13.258 +- That sounded like "Lance." +- No, I said "Nance." + +01:28:13.334 --> 01:28:15.575 +- That's what I said, "Nance." +- It sounded like "Lance." + +01:28:15.603 --> 01:28:17.127 +Look, I'm alpa chino, okay? + +01:28:17.238 --> 01:28:18.899 +I love the pussy! All right? + +01:28:19.006 --> 01:28:20.906 +Lay your ass back down +and look at the stars. + +01:28:21.042 --> 01:28:22.373 +When you wrote I love tha pussy + +01:28:22.476 --> 01:28:25.843 +was you thinking of dangling your dice +on Lance's forehead? + +01:28:25.946 --> 01:28:28.312 +Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look. + +01:28:28.416 --> 01:28:31.351 +- Man, everyone's gay once in a while. +- I'm not gay! + +01:28:31.452 --> 01:28:32.476 +This Hollywood. + +01:28:32.586 --> 01:28:33.644 +How about we all get back to work? + +01:28:33.754 --> 01:28:35.415 +- Okay. Cool. +- This is ridiculous! + +01:28:35.523 --> 01:28:38.424 +We got a big day tomorrow. +Let's get focused. + +01:28:40.995 --> 01:28:45.830 +Alpa, if you untie me, +I will literally suck your dick right now. + +01:28:45.933 --> 01:28:49.164 +I told you, for the last time, +I love the pussy! + +01:28:50.538 --> 01:28:53.371 +I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, + +01:28:53.474 --> 01:28:56.568 +work the pipe and swallow the gravy. + +01:28:56.677 --> 01:28:58.736 +Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this. + +01:29:05.319 --> 01:29:06.377 +Okay, so, what's the plan? + +01:29:06.487 --> 01:29:07.886 +Are you gonna talk vietnamese +to those dudes? + +01:29:07.988 --> 01:29:09.751 +No. No. Mandarin Chinese. + +01:29:09.857 --> 01:29:11.552 +Which, from what I can tell, +is what they speaking down there. + +01:29:11.659 --> 01:29:13.217 +How the hell do you know Chinese? + +01:29:13.327 --> 01:29:16.785 +Land of silk and money with gong li. +Second globe, third Oscar. + +01:29:16.897 --> 01:29:20.856 +Prepped for that one by working in +a Beijing textile factory for eight months. + +01:29:20.968 --> 01:29:22.902 +That might be our ride. + +01:29:39.653 --> 01:29:40.881 +The straps are too tight! + +01:29:40.988 --> 01:29:43.354 +Shut your mouth and follow my lead. + +01:30:11.252 --> 01:30:14.221 +The straps are cutting off +my circulation! + +01:30:14.321 --> 01:30:15.321 +Fuck you! + +01:30:22.797 --> 01:30:25.698 +Not the fucking bull again. +Fucking asshole. + +01:31:19.753 --> 01:31:22.449 +Laz, don't let him take me off the yak. + +01:31:26.961 --> 01:31:29.225 +Bitch whore! Fucking hate you! + +01:31:39.373 --> 01:31:40.567 +Okay. + +01:31:42.776 --> 01:31:44.334 +All right. + +01:31:44.445 --> 01:31:46.845 +That looks like it could be +the munitions hut right there. + +01:31:46.947 --> 01:31:49.006 +I'm gonna try to find speedman +in the main building. + +01:32:06.901 --> 01:32:10.598 +I don't know Chinese but it sounds like +your improvising is for shit. + +01:32:10.704 --> 01:32:11.830 +Oh, fuck! + +01:32:27.354 --> 01:32:28.946 +Get over here! + +01:32:30.324 --> 01:32:31.882 +- What are you guys doing here? +- He has hands. + +01:32:31.992 --> 01:32:34.392 +- He killed Damien. +- Bullshit! + +01:32:34.495 --> 01:32:36.986 +- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. +- Almost! + +01:32:37.097 --> 01:32:40.294 +What are you talking about? +Damien stepped on a old landmine. + +01:32:40.401 --> 01:32:41.959 +Sweet. Thank God. + +01:32:42.069 --> 01:32:44.264 +- We busting speedman out. +- Speedman's here? + +01:33:12.433 --> 01:33:15.027 +I take it y'all are doing +the wet offensive from the book. + +01:33:15.135 --> 01:33:16.397 +I can give y'all a diversion. + +01:33:16.503 --> 01:33:20.439 +I got enough shit here to light this place +up like it's the fourth of fucking July. + +01:34:01.915 --> 01:34:04.383 +Yes, your farm. + +01:34:08.756 --> 01:34:11.156 +Where is your farm, + +01:34:12.726 --> 01:34:14.193 +American? + +01:34:17.031 --> 01:34:18.293 +My farm? + +01:34:20.234 --> 01:34:21.496 +Oh, shit. + +01:34:22.269 --> 01:34:25.466 +Here's my motherfucking farm! + +01:34:25.572 --> 01:34:27.062 +Yeah! + +01:34:32.012 --> 01:34:35.004 +Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby! + +01:34:36.016 --> 01:34:37.210 +Kwan-lo! + +01:34:38.719 --> 01:34:40.619 +I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker! + +01:34:41.121 --> 01:34:42.281 +Yeah! + +01:34:43.857 --> 01:34:47.054 +Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, +keep your head down! + +01:34:47.161 --> 01:34:49.425 +Keep your head down on the ground! + +01:34:49.530 --> 01:34:51.691 +Nobody move or I do the little big guy! + +01:34:51.799 --> 01:34:55.235 +That's right, +we running this program now, j.P. + +01:34:55.335 --> 01:34:57.963 +Now show me where the drugs are. + +01:34:58.072 --> 01:34:59.869 +What the fuck? + +01:34:59.973 --> 01:35:01.668 +That ain't the plan! + +01:35:01.775 --> 01:35:03.470 +Don't judge me! + +01:35:07.147 --> 01:35:08.910 +He's got a real serious problem. + +01:35:09.716 --> 01:35:11.980 +Hey! Hey, you! + +01:35:12.086 --> 01:35:16.049 +Take off your clothes! + +01:35:16.156 --> 01:35:17.453 +What do we do now? + +01:35:17.558 --> 01:35:19.389 +Stick with the plan. Find speedman. + +01:35:19.493 --> 01:35:21.893 +Alpa, keep this clown posse down. +Come on now. + +01:35:21.995 --> 01:35:25.362 +Y'all heard the man. +Be suede, don't move! + +01:35:25.466 --> 01:35:27.366 +Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag. + +01:35:27.468 --> 01:35:29.959 +- Door! +- One, two, three! + +01:35:43.250 --> 01:35:45.081 +I go high, you go low. + +01:35:49.456 --> 01:35:53.324 +Get down. Get down! Get down! +Chow yun-fat, get the hell down! + +01:35:53.427 --> 01:35:56.726 +If I see one more head pop up, +it's gonna be bullet whac-a-mole. + +01:35:58.298 --> 01:35:59.731 +Come on, come on! + +01:35:59.833 --> 01:36:01.824 +- Smoke grenade. +- Don't drop it now. + +01:36:02.503 --> 01:36:04.061 +Here. + +01:36:04.171 --> 01:36:06.568 +- What's this? +- I don't know what it's called. + +01:36:06.673 --> 01:36:09.267 +I just know the sound it makes +when it lies. + +01:36:09.376 --> 01:36:12.903 +Don't move, matchbox, +or I will shoot you. + +01:36:13.013 --> 01:36:15.880 +I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move. + +01:36:15.983 --> 01:36:17.712 +I can still see you. + +01:36:23.857 --> 01:36:24.949 +Tugg! + +01:36:27.494 --> 01:36:28.654 +Tugg? + +01:36:30.731 --> 01:36:31.925 +Gotcha. + +01:36:33.100 --> 01:36:36.001 +Roll your shit up, man. We going home. + +01:36:36.103 --> 01:36:37.229 +Home? + +01:36:39.373 --> 01:36:43.207 +But I'm doing five shows a day +for a standing-room-only crowd. + +01:36:43.310 --> 01:36:45.870 +Don't you get it? I already am home. + +01:36:48.182 --> 01:36:51.310 +All right, now, dude, you gotta get it... + +01:36:51.418 --> 01:36:53.613 +My son gave this to me. + +01:36:53.720 --> 01:36:57.212 +- That's your stick buddy? +- His name is twigman. + +01:36:57.324 --> 01:36:59.155 +Does he wanna come with us? + +01:37:20.147 --> 01:37:22.274 +Get down! Get down! Get down! + +01:37:22.382 --> 01:37:27.342 +Maybe y'all heard of me. +Y'all heard of alpa chino? No? + +01:37:27.454 --> 01:37:29.922 +I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah + +01:37:30.023 --> 01:37:31.149 +they're not your demo, dude. + +01:37:31.625 --> 01:37:34.025 +Come on. +Six motherfucking vmas, baby. + +01:37:34.127 --> 01:37:37.324 +Two bet awards. Alpa chino. + +01:37:37.431 --> 01:37:43.836 +Like him in carlito's way? + +01:37:44.204 --> 01:37:46.866 +Hey, yo, you know what? +Speak English. I don't speak that stuff. + +01:37:46.974 --> 01:37:48.908 +What're you sayin'? Huh? + +01:37:49.009 --> 01:37:53.571 +Devil's advocate. Dog day afternoon. + +01:37:53.947 --> 01:37:56.780 +Cruising. Sea of love. + +01:37:56.883 --> 01:37:59.875 +Real Al Pacino. + +01:37:59.987 --> 01:38:03.582 +Get the fuck down. That's a whole +different dude altogether. + +01:38:03.690 --> 01:38:06.750 +What you doing? What you doing? +Don't touch that gun. + +01:38:06.860 --> 01:38:08.259 +Don't do it! Don't touch that gun! + +01:38:08.362 --> 01:38:10.660 +On my momma, if you touch that gun... + +01:38:15.302 --> 01:38:17.702 +- Oh, shit, it's on! +- Over here! + +01:38:52.105 --> 01:38:53.868 +- What're you doing? +- I'm gonna give these boys + +01:38:53.974 --> 01:38:55.601 +a hanoi high-five. + +01:39:08.255 --> 01:39:09.620 +Shadow me, Pinocchio! + +01:39:10.390 --> 01:39:11.618 +Smoke! + +01:39:17.464 --> 01:39:19.159 +Oh, shit! + +01:39:24.004 --> 01:39:25.528 +Jeff, don't! + +01:39:26.373 --> 01:39:28.364 +It doesn't matter what I do. + +01:39:28.475 --> 01:39:31.444 +I'll always be a screw-up. +No one'll ever respect me. + +01:39:31.545 --> 01:39:35.538 +That is not true, you are not a screw-up! +You make so many people laugh. + +01:39:35.649 --> 01:39:37.879 +They only laugh at my farts. + +01:39:37.984 --> 01:39:39.975 +Jeff, we really need to go now! + +01:39:40.087 --> 01:39:41.679 +This is all I deserve! + +01:40:01.842 --> 01:40:04.072 +Laugh at that, you bastards! + +01:40:04.177 --> 01:40:07.578 +Hilarious! Hilarious! + +01:40:09.116 --> 01:40:11.949 +Let's move. We only have 16 hours +before they wake up. + +01:40:28.235 --> 01:40:29.827 +Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing. + +01:40:29.936 --> 01:40:32.871 +These assholes are gonna be crawling +in here ready to fucking eat us. + +01:40:35.809 --> 01:40:38.676 +There. All right, you keep six right here. + +01:40:40.614 --> 01:40:42.775 +Come on, let's go. + +01:40:42.883 --> 01:40:44.817 +Come on, what are you guys doing? +Let's get out of here! + +01:40:44.918 --> 01:40:46.579 +He's on tilt status. + +01:40:46.686 --> 01:40:50.645 +Same thing happened to me when +I played Neil Armstrong in moonshot. + +01:40:50.757 --> 01:40:52.850 +They found me in an alley in Burbank + +01:40:52.959 --> 01:40:56.190 +trying to re-enter the earth's +atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. + +01:40:56.930 --> 01:40:57.988 +What're you talking about? + +01:40:58.098 --> 01:41:00.464 +Come on, fellas, we really need to go. + +01:41:00.567 --> 01:41:05.004 +Daggomit, blamtucky, +I ain't re-programming a vcr. + +01:41:10.911 --> 01:41:13.141 +Give me the flame thrower. +You gotta start the chopper. + +01:41:13.246 --> 01:41:16.682 +- No, fuck that! Just give me this. +- No time! I'll take care of this! + +01:41:17.918 --> 01:41:19.818 +All right. Give me your hooks. + +01:41:19.920 --> 01:41:21.547 +Don't worry, +I'm not gonna put them on again. + +01:41:21.655 --> 01:41:24.488 +- Just give me your goddamn hooks. +- All right. Here. + +01:41:24.591 --> 01:41:26.752 +Get those boys back to the bird, pronto! + +01:41:31.698 --> 01:41:33.859 +Shit! Enough! + +01:41:33.967 --> 01:41:35.867 +Fake shit! + +01:41:38.972 --> 01:41:40.098 +Fuck! + +01:41:47.814 --> 01:41:50.977 +Go get your guys! +Get them to the chopper! + +01:41:51.084 --> 01:41:53.177 +I'll take care of these yahoos! + +01:41:55.222 --> 01:41:57.486 +You're gonna focus up now, +motherfucker, and say it. + +01:41:57.591 --> 01:41:59.718 +- "It's me, tugg!" +- It's me, tugg. + +01:41:59.826 --> 01:42:01.293 +That's right! Now, tugg who? + +01:42:01.394 --> 01:42:04.192 +- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? +- Me? + +01:42:04.297 --> 01:42:05.992 +I know who I am! + +01:42:06.099 --> 01:42:09.830 +I'm a dude playing a dude +disguised as another dude. + +01:42:09.936 --> 01:42:10.994 +What? + +01:42:11.104 --> 01:42:13.197 +You a dude +that don't know what dude he is! + +01:42:13.306 --> 01:42:16.002 +Or are you a dude who has no idea +what dude he is + +01:42:16.109 --> 01:42:17.371 +and claims to know what dude he is... + +01:42:17.477 --> 01:42:19.240 +What the fuck +are you guys talking about? + +01:42:19.346 --> 01:42:20.438 +By playing other dudes? + +01:42:20.547 --> 01:42:21.741 +I know what dude I am! + +01:42:21.848 --> 01:42:24.646 +- You're scared. +- I ain't scared. Scared of what? + +01:42:24.751 --> 01:42:26.013 +Or scared of who? + +01:42:26.119 --> 01:42:28.713 +- Scared of who? +- Come on, guys. We really need to go! + +01:42:28.822 --> 01:42:30.084 +Scared of you. + +01:42:34.995 --> 01:42:37.327 +- Jesus. +- What's going on? + +01:42:37.430 --> 01:42:38.954 +The dudes are emerging. + +01:42:39.065 --> 01:42:40.396 +He's right, you know. + +01:42:42.168 --> 01:42:43.567 +I am not + +01:42:45.138 --> 01:42:46.833 +sergeant Lincoln osiris. + +01:42:51.244 --> 01:42:52.711 +We gotta roll out. + +01:42:52.812 --> 01:42:56.043 +Nor am I father O'Malley. + +01:42:58.285 --> 01:43:01.220 +Or Neil Armstrong. + +01:43:08.795 --> 01:43:10.956 +I think I might be nobody. + +01:43:12.365 --> 01:43:13.525 +Wow! + +01:43:13.633 --> 01:43:16.295 +The insecurity level +with you guys is ridiculous! + +01:43:17.571 --> 01:43:20.540 +- Everybody's got issues! +- Yeah, man, everybody got issues. + +01:43:20.640 --> 01:43:23.200 +Come on! You're kirk Lazarus. + +01:43:23.310 --> 01:43:25.471 +You're the whole reason +I got into acting. + +01:43:25.579 --> 01:43:27.410 +I memorized every single monologue + +01:43:27.514 --> 01:43:30.108 +you ever did +when I was in theater school. + +01:43:30.216 --> 01:43:32.241 +- Really? +- Yeah. And look, tugg! + +01:43:32.352 --> 01:43:34.786 +I saw scorcher I +24 times when I was in eighth grade. + +01:43:34.888 --> 01:43:37.857 +That shit blew me away! +I got high to that shit! You the man! + +01:43:37.958 --> 01:43:41.086 +Yeah, man, scorcher I was great. +Let's get the fuck out of here! + +01:43:41.194 --> 01:43:45.324 +Tugg, tugger, you're the last piece +of the puzzle, buddy. + +01:43:45.432 --> 01:43:48.424 +We need you! Your men need you! +Are you with us? + +01:43:52.772 --> 01:43:54.763 +I'm a rooster illusion. + +01:43:54.874 --> 01:43:56.068 +Fuck it. We'll deal with him later. + +01:43:56.176 --> 01:43:59.339 +Let's move. Come on. Come on. +Double time. Gotta go! + +01:44:01.881 --> 01:44:03.678 +Come on, come on, come on. + +01:44:07.454 --> 01:44:09.388 +Bingo! Move out. + +01:44:11.324 --> 01:44:12.689 +Oh, God. + +01:44:14.661 --> 01:44:17.528 +Just say no to this, +you drug-making midget. + +01:44:22.102 --> 01:44:23.569 +Gotta hold on! + +01:44:29.743 --> 01:44:31.108 +Four leaf! + +01:44:35.849 --> 01:44:37.180 +You grew hands? + +01:44:46.426 --> 01:44:47.950 +Rpg, gentlemen! + +01:44:50.730 --> 01:44:52.254 +Where are you going? + +01:44:57.771 --> 01:45:00.296 +Oh, my God. +I am moving to catering after this. + +01:45:22.328 --> 01:45:23.659 +My ass! + +01:45:26.900 --> 01:45:28.231 +My ass! + +01:45:29.836 --> 01:45:33.101 +Hey, yo! +We gotta get our shit together, tugg! + +01:45:33.206 --> 01:45:35.436 +We gotta get his cracker ass +to the chopper! + +01:45:35.542 --> 01:45:39.842 +Are you still crazy? +We gotta get candisky to the chopper! + +01:45:39.946 --> 01:45:41.413 +It's sandusky. + +01:45:43.283 --> 01:45:46.582 +- Kevin sandusky. +- That's my name. + +01:45:46.686 --> 01:45:48.278 +You remembered my name. + +01:45:48.388 --> 01:45:50.413 +Alpa, go help Cody. + +01:45:50.523 --> 01:45:52.514 +Portnoy, get sandusky +back to the chopper. Go! + +01:45:52.625 --> 01:45:54.456 +- I got him! +- Let's go! + +01:45:55.895 --> 01:45:57.419 +Let's get out of here! + +01:46:09.309 --> 01:46:10.799 +Hey, leaf! + +01:46:10.910 --> 01:46:12.138 +- Leaf! +- Yeah. + +01:46:12.245 --> 01:46:13.245 +Hit the plunger + +01:46:13.346 --> 01:46:15.106 +- as soon as they clear the bridge! +- Got it! + +01:46:19.786 --> 01:46:22.220 +Come on! Get in the chopper! + +01:46:22.422 --> 01:46:25.220 +- Come on! Move! +- Kirk! Wait! + +01:46:29.763 --> 01:46:31.390 +Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge! + +01:46:31.498 --> 01:46:33.295 +Are you the special effects guy? + +01:46:33.399 --> 01:46:35.526 +- You God damn right I am. +- Fuck yeah! + +01:46:35.935 --> 01:46:37.129 +Leaf's about to blow the bridge. +Come on! + +01:46:37.237 --> 01:46:39.831 +You don't have to! You don't have to! +I'm staying. + +01:46:39.939 --> 01:46:41.429 +No, I can't let you do that, mate. +We gotta go. + +01:46:41.541 --> 01:46:44.066 +No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy. +They'll listen to me. + +01:46:44.177 --> 01:46:46.668 +I know it sounds weird, +but I have a connection with them. + +01:46:46.780 --> 01:46:49.660 +You're not doing tofu dinner theater +for these motherfuckers. Let's roll! + +01:46:49.682 --> 01:46:53.516 +- Get over here! +- I have a son now. Little half squat. + +01:46:53.620 --> 01:46:55.178 +Who in crikey fuck is half squat? + +01:46:55.288 --> 01:46:57.518 +He's my son. He's my boy! + +01:46:57.624 --> 01:47:00.058 +He needs me. I have to go back to him. + +01:47:03.196 --> 01:47:04.857 +You tell the world what happened here. + +01:47:04.964 --> 01:47:06.795 +What happened here? + +01:47:06.900 --> 01:47:09.130 +I don't know, but you need to tell them. + +01:47:11.504 --> 01:47:13.335 +I got this. + +01:47:13.439 --> 01:47:14.599 +Tugg! + +01:47:15.308 --> 01:47:18.869 +You take care of the boys! +I'll deal with these guys. + +01:47:20.280 --> 01:47:23.875 +Where is he going? +We're gonna fucking die! + +01:47:23.983 --> 01:47:26.611 +Laz, come on. He joined the circus. +Let's go. + +01:47:26.719 --> 01:47:27.913 +- You've got hands. +- Yeah. + +01:47:28.021 --> 01:47:30.148 +- Fuck! You've got hands? +- Come on! + +01:47:31.224 --> 01:47:32.350 +- Come on! +- Get in! + +01:47:32.458 --> 01:47:34.085 +- Come on! +- He's staying? + +01:47:34.194 --> 01:47:36.458 +Go! He's a lost cause, mate! +Get out of here! + +01:47:41.034 --> 01:47:45.528 +I was wrong! Blow the bridge! +Blow the fucking bridge! + +01:47:51.377 --> 01:47:52.776 +I got this. + +01:47:53.446 --> 01:47:54.879 +Leaf, no! + +01:48:39.025 --> 01:48:41.653 +It's over! He's gone! + +01:48:41.761 --> 01:48:43.820 +Cody! We gotta go! + +01:48:45.832 --> 01:48:47.026 +Look. + +01:49:09.656 --> 01:49:10.987 +Think he's done. + +01:49:11.090 --> 01:49:12.318 +Cover me! + +01:49:13.393 --> 01:49:16.328 +- Come on! +- Wait, come back! + +01:49:16.429 --> 01:49:18.158 +How do we cover him? + +01:49:22.402 --> 01:49:25.803 +All right, game over. Come on, mate. +Come on. + +01:49:25.905 --> 01:49:28.499 +- You all right, man? +- I'm cold. + +01:49:28.608 --> 01:49:30.599 +I can't feel my legs. + +01:49:30.710 --> 01:49:33.645 +No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? +There's a puddle right there. + +01:49:33.746 --> 01:49:34.940 +- No worries. +- Good. + +01:49:35.048 --> 01:49:36.345 +Come on, we gotta split, man. + +01:49:36.449 --> 01:49:38.747 +- You guys came back for me. +- Course. + +01:49:38.851 --> 01:49:41.183 +Hey! I want you to know something. + +01:49:41.287 --> 01:49:42.481 +What? + +01:49:43.656 --> 01:49:45.453 +I know who you are. + +01:49:47.560 --> 01:49:49.323 +You're my friend. + +01:49:51.597 --> 01:49:53.224 +You're my brother. + +01:49:54.100 --> 01:49:56.933 +But like a really cool brother, you know? + +01:49:57.036 --> 01:49:58.401 +Like a brother +where there was no animosity or... + +01:49:58.504 --> 01:50:01.337 +Don't look now, +you got some real tears going. + +01:50:01.441 --> 01:50:02.441 +Really? + +01:50:02.542 --> 01:50:04.032 +That's the stuff +that accolades are made of. + +01:50:04.143 --> 01:50:05.610 +Jesus, let's go, man! + +01:50:05.712 --> 01:50:07.813 +All right? + +01:50:08.748 --> 01:50:10.181 +Upsy-Daisy. + +01:50:11.951 --> 01:50:14.943 +Come on! Come on! Come on! +Let's go! Let's go! + +01:50:17.090 --> 01:50:18.387 +Get in! Get in! + +01:50:18.491 --> 01:50:20.516 +Come on! Here we go! + +01:50:23.062 --> 01:50:25.860 +Tuggernuts! I got it! + +01:50:28.234 --> 01:50:30.532 +- Tugger! +- Rick! + +01:50:33.139 --> 01:50:34.367 +What the fuck? + +01:50:34.474 --> 01:50:36.101 +I got the TiVo! + +01:50:37.010 --> 01:50:41.413 +My friend wants a TiVo, +my friend gets a TiVo! + +01:50:46.586 --> 01:50:47.848 +Oh, shit! + +01:51:24.690 --> 01:51:26.715 +And the Oscar goes to... + +01:51:29.462 --> 01:51:31.760 +Yes! Tugg speedman. + +01:51:33.399 --> 01:51:36.095 +"Tropic blunder, +the true story behind the making + +01:51:36.202 --> 01:51:38.727 +"of the most expensive +fake true war story ever." + +01:51:40.306 --> 01:51:41.432 +Yeah! + +01:51:46.145 --> 01:51:48.045 +Yeah, you son of a bitch! + +01:52:07.366 --> 01:52:11.735 +Eight oscars, $400 million + +01:52:11.838 --> 01:52:15.069 +and you saved +tugg speedman's career. + +01:52:15.174 --> 01:52:18.041 +I couldn't have done it +without you, slolom. + +01:52:20.079 --> 01:52:21.171 +Really? + +01:52:21.280 --> 01:52:23.271 +No, dickhead, of course I could. + +01:52:23.382 --> 01:52:26.044 +- A nutless monkey could do your job. +- Well, I... + +01:52:26.152 --> 01:52:29.053 +Now, go get drunk +and take credit at all the parties. + +01:52:29.155 --> 01:52:31.851 +- I would never do that to... +- Joking. + +01:52:31.958 --> 01:52:33.323 +- Yeah? +- Yeah. + +01:52:33.426 --> 01:52:35.621 +Very... okay, there he is. + +01:52:35.728 --> 01:52:37.218 +- There he is. Okay. +- Go have fun. + +01:52:37.330 --> 01:52:38.854 +All right. We're having a... + +01:52:38.965 --> 01:52:41.445 +Fuck, okay. Thank you, les. +Thank you. You have a good night... + +01:52:41.467 --> 01:52:43.867 +But seriously, +a nutless monkey could do your job. + +01:52:43.970 --> 01:52:45.699 +Good. Thank you, sir.