diff --git a/files/assets/subtitles.vtt b/files/assets/subtitles.vtt index 8ced689994..b225734103 100644 --- a/files/assets/subtitles.vtt +++ b/files/assets/subtitles.vtt @@ -1,6196 +1,16 @@ WEBVTT -00:00:02.501 --> 00:00:03.832 -Alpa chino! +00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:36.000 +Provided by YTS.MX -00:00:03.936 --> 00:00:07.069 -We're loaded I love -the pussy, hell, yeah +00:00:36.500 --> 00:00:42.000 +Find the official YIFY movies site at +https://YTS.MX -00:00:07.172 --> 00:00:08.571 -I love the pussy, hell, yeah +00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:36.000 +Downloaded from YTS.MX -00:00:08.674 --> 00:00:11.336 -I love that pussy -dripping down to the floor, oh, no - -00:00:11.443 --> 00:00:13.934 -the wettest pussy, hell, yeah -I love the pussy, hell, yeah - -00:00:14.046 --> 00:00:17.140 -I'm drinking up -your Booty sweat and busting a nut - -00:00:17.249 --> 00:00:19.012 -alpa chino got that pussy control - -00:00:19.118 --> 00:00:21.018 -alpa chino's Booty sweat. - -00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:22.553 -Pop an ass open! - -00:00:22.655 --> 00:00:26.147 -Booty sweat and bust-a-nut bars -available at concessions now. - -00:00:30.262 --> 00:00:34.392 -In 2013, when the earth's rotation -came to a halt... - -00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:38.061 -The president has declared -all of north America a disaster area. - -00:00:38.170 --> 00:00:40.866 -I call on my fellow Americans -to come together... - -00:00:40.973 --> 00:00:45.000 -The world called on the one man -who could make a difference. - -00:00:49.048 --> 00:00:53.075 -When it happened again, -the world called on him once more. - -00:00:54.486 --> 00:01:00.356 -And no one saw it coming -three more times! - -00:01:02.895 --> 00:01:04.556 -Now, - -00:01:04.663 --> 00:01:08.599 -the one man who made a difference -five times before, - -00:01:11.036 --> 00:01:15.405 -is about to make a difference again. - -00:01:16.141 --> 00:01:20.237 -Only this time, it's different. - -00:01:22.081 --> 00:01:23.708 -Who left the fridge open? - -00:01:25.150 --> 00:01:27.084 -Tugg speedman. - -00:01:27.186 --> 00:01:31.953 -Scorcher vl: Global meltdown. - -00:01:32.057 --> 00:01:33.820 -Here we go again. - -00:01:35.361 --> 00:01:36.361 -Again. - -00:01:44.970 --> 00:01:47.837 -Will there be anything else? - -00:01:47.940 --> 00:01:51.137 -Yes, my dear man. More beans. - -00:01:52.945 --> 00:01:55.106 -Granny! - -00:01:57.049 --> 00:01:58.209 -Please! - -00:01:58.317 --> 00:02:03.277 -This summer, -America's favorite obese family is back. - -00:02:06.158 --> 00:02:07.716 -Gross! - -00:02:07.826 --> 00:02:09.851 -- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. -- Am not! - -00:02:10.429 --> 00:02:11.919 -Jeff portnoy. - -00:02:12.598 --> 00:02:14.065 -Jeff portnoy. - -00:02:14.666 --> 00:02:16.156 -Jeff portnoy. - -00:02:16.268 --> 00:02:22.366 -And Jeff portnoy are -the fatties: Fart two. - -00:02:22.474 --> 00:02:24.305 -In some countries, - -00:02:25.511 --> 00:02:27.138 -it's considered a compliment. - -00:02:27.246 --> 00:02:30.443 -Letting loose this summer. - -00:02:39.725 --> 00:02:45.459 -In a time where to be different -was to be condemned, - -00:02:59.211 --> 00:03:03.910 -and to be condemned was to die, - -00:03:08.153 --> 00:03:12.214 -one man chose to question his God. - -00:03:16.195 --> 00:03:17.890 -From fox searchlight, - -00:03:26.738 --> 00:03:29.969 -five-time academy award winner -kirk Lazarus - -00:03:31.076 --> 00:03:35.410 -and mtv movie award -best kiss winner tobey Maguire. - -00:03:41.787 --> 00:03:46.315 -Winner of the Beijing film festival's -coveted crying monkey award, - -00:03:47.526 --> 00:03:49.517 -Satan's alley. - -00:03:54.032 --> 00:03:56.557 -I've been a bad, bad boy, father. - -00:04:32.070 --> 00:04:34.868 -In the winter of 1969, - -00:04:34.973 --> 00:04:36.998 -an elite force of the U.S. army - -00:04:37.109 --> 00:04:41.978 -was sent on a top-secret assignment -in southeast Vietnam. - -00:04:42.080 --> 00:04:44.844 -The objective, -rescue sergeant four leaf tayback - -00:04:44.950 --> 00:04:48.010 -from a heavily guarded -nva prison camp. - -00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:51.214 -The mission was considered -to be near suicide. - -00:04:52.524 --> 00:04:55.823 -Of the 10 men sent, four returned. - -00:04:55.928 --> 00:04:59.364 -Of those four, three wrote books -about what happened. - -00:04:59.464 --> 00:05:02.433 -Of those three, two were published. - -00:05:02.534 --> 00:05:06.698 -Of those two, just one got a movie deal. - -00:05:08.207 --> 00:05:13.440 -This is the story of the men -who attempted to make that movie. - -00:05:24.256 --> 00:05:26.850 -Whiskey fire old snake -requests an lz prep - -00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:29.519 -at Alpha-delta-two-four-eight-niner, -over. - -00:05:34.833 --> 00:05:39.099 -Floyd, this is lead. Right Echelon -approach from rp to lz, acknowledge. - -00:05:40.239 --> 00:05:42.002 -Floyd, wall-eye airborne. -Welcome aboard. - -00:05:45.844 --> 00:05:47.573 -All right, lead's going in. -Give her some cover. - -00:05:47.679 --> 00:05:50.512 -Delivery on five. -I repeat, delivery on five. - -00:05:56.588 --> 00:05:58.886 -This is zero-three. -I'm on your six, don't worry. - -00:05:59.224 --> 00:06:01.852 -Chalk-three's taking fire. -Guns right, guns right. - -00:06:13.905 --> 00:06:16.032 -Lay that shit down! - -00:06:16.141 --> 00:06:17.438 -Come on! - -00:06:19.278 --> 00:06:21.576 -Come on, you damn dirty heathens! - -00:06:23.515 --> 00:06:25.710 -Fats! Run your motherfucking ass -over there, - -00:06:25.817 --> 00:06:27.114 -hold these men off, now! - -00:06:27.219 --> 00:06:28.914 -We're fixing to lift off! - -00:06:29.021 --> 00:06:31.649 -Put some pep in your step, dick! -Jelly-ass bitch! - -00:06:31.757 --> 00:06:35.056 -Wall-eye, wall-eye, -this is boomer one-seven in the zee! - -00:06:35.894 --> 00:06:39.295 -I need fast movers -on my yankee smoke, copy? - -00:06:39.398 --> 00:06:41.764 -Boomer, this is wall-eye. -I got two-Alpha-four - -00:06:41.867 --> 00:06:44.097 -- snake and nape on the ready! -- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit! - -00:06:44.202 --> 00:06:45.362 -Holy shit! - -00:06:45.470 --> 00:06:47.267 -Get on that horn -and get some firepower, boy! - -00:06:47.372 --> 00:06:48.372 -Jesus Christ! - -00:06:48.440 --> 00:06:49.532 -Listen, you cherry fuck, - -00:06:49.641 --> 00:06:53.133 -you call in that snake and nape -and get us some boom-boom now! - -00:06:53.245 --> 00:06:55.713 -I'd do it myself -but I'm kind of goddamn busy! - -00:06:55.814 --> 00:06:57.179 -I need an answer, boomer! - -00:06:57.282 --> 00:06:58.977 -Wall-eye, wall-eye! - -00:06:59.418 --> 00:07:00.783 -I copy! - -00:07:01.019 --> 00:07:03.317 -We got beaucoup zips in the zee. - -00:07:03.422 --> 00:07:04.912 -Rock and roll! - -00:07:05.290 --> 00:07:06.780 -What the fuck? - -00:07:18.737 --> 00:07:21.171 -That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker! - -00:07:21.273 --> 00:07:23.207 -I think I can put it back in! - -00:07:23.308 --> 00:07:25.071 -We got to get back to the bird. - -00:07:25.177 --> 00:07:26.269 -Lukemeyer's got popped! - -00:07:26.378 --> 00:07:29.313 -This is the last Christmas -I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass! - -00:07:29.481 --> 00:07:32.177 -Want some? Get some! - -00:07:32.617 --> 00:07:35.450 -Hey, yo, fats! I ain't seen four leaf! - -00:07:35.554 --> 00:07:38.750 -Don't count him out! That bastard's -got luck tattooed to his ass! - -00:07:38.890 --> 00:07:41.882 -Motown, get your Detroit jukebox -jheri curl ass - -00:07:41.993 --> 00:07:44.223 -in this chickenshit chop-chop! Asafp! - -00:07:44.329 --> 00:07:46.209 -Four leaf is still -outside the perimeter, sarge! - -00:07:46.264 --> 00:07:49.290 -Miss me with that cracker chump jive! -We di di mau! We di di mau! - -00:07:49.434 --> 00:07:51.061 -Come on, sarge. Stop jiving. -Four leaf is there. - -00:07:51.169 --> 00:07:52.864 -Dead meat, soldier! - -00:07:53.071 --> 00:07:54.971 -Or do you want to be a hero? - -00:07:55.073 --> 00:07:57.073 -That's just how Brooks -got his Jew ass killed, man. - -00:07:57.075 --> 00:07:59.771 -And meatball's dago ass -bought the six-by-three farm. - -00:07:59.878 --> 00:08:03.575 -Now get your ass up in the huey, before -I stomp a trench in your hiney hole! - -00:08:05.183 --> 00:08:06.582 -Come on, get down, get down! - -00:08:06.685 --> 00:08:08.710 -What am I looking at? What is this? - -00:08:09.621 --> 00:08:13.580 -Come on, let's get, let's go! -Come on, elevator up, up! - -00:08:13.692 --> 00:08:16.217 -Sarge. It's four leaf. - -00:08:28.507 --> 00:08:29.565 -No! - -00:08:31.910 --> 00:08:33.434 -You get out of that hole! - -00:08:45.490 --> 00:08:47.355 -You make it home, now. - -00:08:54.800 --> 00:08:56.062 -Survive! - -00:09:10.849 --> 00:09:12.874 -I hope y'all like hamburger meat. - -00:09:12.984 --> 00:09:15.064 -'Cause that's exactly what -I'm gonna be bringing back - -00:09:15.153 --> 00:09:17.178 -and serving up in this whirly bird. - -00:09:17.289 --> 00:09:19.780 -Cover me, you limp dick fuckups! - -00:09:25.430 --> 00:09:28.661 -Peek-a-boo! I see you! - -00:09:30.702 --> 00:09:32.431 -Hold on, four leaf! - -00:09:35.073 --> 00:09:36.404 -Oh, shit! - -00:09:44.216 --> 00:09:45.706 -Watch my right! - -00:09:48.487 --> 00:09:50.455 -Fuck you, Charlie! - -00:09:55.427 --> 00:09:57.691 -Come on, leaf, let's boogie! - -00:10:04.870 --> 00:10:07.730 -No! - -00:10:10.909 --> 00:10:13.002 -- Fats! -- Holy fuck! - -00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:16.839 -Take us over to those men! Shit! - -00:10:21.319 --> 00:10:24.288 -Look at you, man. -Playing with grenades. - -00:10:27.792 --> 00:10:29.054 -I'm cold, Linc. - -00:10:31.096 --> 00:10:32.927 -I can't feel my legs. - -00:10:34.065 --> 00:10:36.056 -Ain't nothing but a thang. - -00:10:39.638 --> 00:10:40.969 -Hey, Linc. - -00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:43.305 -What, man? - -00:10:44.543 --> 00:10:46.636 -Why does man - -00:10:46.745 --> 00:10:49.680 -got to pick up sticks -against another man? - -00:10:51.883 --> 00:10:54.181 -Instead of using them sticks to - -00:10:55.554 --> 00:10:57.146 -prop a man up? - -00:10:57.255 --> 00:10:58.882 -I'll never know. - -00:11:00.191 --> 00:11:04.358 -Hold my hands, 'cause -I got something to... - -00:11:04.462 --> 00:11:06.327 -I got something to say. - -00:11:07.732 --> 00:11:09.393 -Oh, boy. - -00:11:13.538 --> 00:11:16.234 -- You holding 'em? -- I got 'em tight. - -00:11:18.977 --> 00:11:20.638 -When we get back to the world, - -00:11:21.112 --> 00:11:25.276 -we gonna put together that three-piece -combo band we talked about? - -00:11:25.383 --> 00:11:28.375 -- Me on stand-up bass. -- Johnny on drums. - -00:11:29.854 --> 00:11:31.981 -And me tickling the ivories. - -00:11:34.092 --> 00:11:37.357 -I ain't never been worth a nothing -in this life, - -00:11:37.462 --> 00:11:40.226 -but I want you to know something. - -00:11:41.299 --> 00:11:42.596 -What, man? - -00:11:44.502 --> 00:11:45.799 -You are my... - -00:11:47.305 --> 00:11:49.000 -You are my brother. - -00:12:01.987 --> 00:12:07.015 -You are my brother. -You are my... you are my... - -00:12:07.192 --> 00:12:08.819 -I am your brother. - -00:12:12.330 --> 00:12:14.059 -I'm sorry. Could we cut? - -00:12:14.165 --> 00:12:15.766 -- What's he saying? -- Damien, can we cut? - -00:12:15.767 --> 00:12:17.428 -- No. No, no, no, no, no... -- All right, you know what? - -00:12:17.535 --> 00:12:20.527 -We got the jets coming in, -big explosion, two minutes. - -00:12:20.639 --> 00:12:21.731 -Still rolling. - -00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:23.467 -You know what? No, not still rolling. -Can we cut? - -00:12:23.575 --> 00:12:25.236 -- We're cutting. -- No, we're not. Get out! - -00:12:25.343 --> 00:12:27.343 -Hey, what's going on? -For real, my butt is hurting! - -00:12:27.412 --> 00:12:29.539 -This harness is riding up my crack! - -00:12:29.648 --> 00:12:32.116 -- Damien, are we cutting? -- No! No! Still rolling! - -00:12:32.217 --> 00:12:34.344 -Mr. cockburn! Are we cutting, sir? - -00:12:34.452 --> 00:12:37.615 -No! No. I'm not cutting! -We're still rolling! - -00:12:37.722 --> 00:12:38.780 -Damien, what's the dealy, dude? - -00:12:38.890 --> 00:12:40.687 -Are we gonna blow -this tree line or what? - -00:12:40.792 --> 00:12:42.353 -Tuk tuk and Kim -got the blue balls here. - -00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:43.688 -I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go! - -00:12:43.795 --> 00:12:46.115 -- Play it through. Still rolling! -- Dieter, can he hear me? - -00:12:46.131 --> 00:12:48.691 -That's c-4, dipshit. Put that back. -I said a detonator. - -00:12:48.800 --> 00:12:51.166 -I need some dudes up here -who speak American, God damn it! - -00:12:51.269 --> 00:12:52.830 -He's making -a fucking sweater back here. - -00:12:52.837 --> 00:12:55.169 -I'm trying to put tiger balm -on this jungle's nuts. - -00:12:55.273 --> 00:12:56.433 -Everyone, please shut up. - -00:12:56.541 --> 00:12:58.742 -The jets are coming in. -We only have one chance at this! - -00:12:58.810 --> 00:13:00.209 -And go! - -00:13:00.311 --> 00:13:02.609 -Let's do it. You feel it? -You feel me? - -00:13:03.615 --> 00:13:05.981 -- You are my... -- I am your brother. - -00:13:06.451 --> 00:13:08.316 -We've seen it all, man. - -00:13:09.054 --> 00:13:10.054 -I'm sorry, Damien? - -00:13:10.155 --> 00:13:11.452 -Are you seeing that? - -00:13:11.556 --> 00:13:13.956 -The little froggy on the boom Mike? -It's right in my eyeline. - -00:13:15.860 --> 00:13:17.555 -Donny! What's up, man? - -00:13:18.229 --> 00:13:19.196 -It's been there the whole show. - -00:13:19.330 --> 00:13:20.354 -Yeah, well it's right in my face, - -00:13:20.465 --> 00:13:21.454 -I'm staring at a frog, -I'm trying to feel... - -00:13:21.566 --> 00:13:24.126 -It's always the yellow frog that -brings them black frog on Fridays, man. - -00:13:24.235 --> 00:13:25.930 -Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl. - -00:13:26.037 --> 00:13:28.130 -No, I didn't pee on her, -listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no. - -00:13:28.239 --> 00:13:30.764 -The story is this. She was in the way -when I was peeing, she walked past. - -00:13:30.875 --> 00:13:33.241 -What the fuck is going on here? - -00:13:33.344 --> 00:13:35.505 -On three, baby. One, two, breathe. - -00:13:35.613 --> 00:13:38.138 -Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do -a countdown before I do the scene. - -00:13:38.249 --> 00:13:39.307 -- No countdown? -- No countdown. - -00:13:39.417 --> 00:13:40.611 -- Okay. -- Can we just do it off of "action"? - -00:13:40.719 --> 00:13:42.277 -Just... in your own time. - -00:13:42.387 --> 00:13:44.184 -- Good... -- I'm not a rocket ship, okay? - -00:13:44.289 --> 00:13:45.916 -- All right, dude. -- And action! - -00:13:46.024 --> 00:13:48.959 -Whatever floats your boat, baby. -Fuck! Don't die! - -00:13:49.060 --> 00:13:51.494 -Erika, get me a vitaminwater! - -00:13:51.596 --> 00:13:53.157 -You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry. - -00:13:53.164 --> 00:13:57.567 -Not to get into his thing, but if -I'm crying, should osiris be crying, too? - -00:13:57.669 --> 00:13:59.569 -- No, it's everyone cry... -- We cutting or we crying? - -00:13:59.671 --> 00:14:01.002 -- No, no, no, we're crying! -- Just call it, man! - -00:14:01.106 --> 00:14:03.233 -- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. -- Thanks! - -00:14:03.341 --> 00:14:05.070 -- Everybody cry... -- You know what? - -00:14:05.176 --> 00:14:07.144 -- You see how agitated he is now? -- I know. - -00:14:07.245 --> 00:14:09.725 -- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. -- Okay. Still rolling! - -00:14:10.081 --> 00:14:12.743 -This is falcon one. We have the Ridge -in sight, approximately two Miles out. - -00:14:12.851 --> 00:14:15.115 -Dieter, these jets -are about to crest this Ridge line. - -00:14:15.220 --> 00:14:17.154 -They got about 200 pounds -of shit your pants. - -00:14:17.255 --> 00:14:18.695 -I need to know if we're ready to go. - -00:14:21.059 --> 00:14:23.357 -- You're my... you're my... -- I am your... - -00:14:23.461 --> 00:14:26.919 -See, that's what I think it is, Damien. -I think it's the line. - -00:14:27.031 --> 00:14:28.055 -Yeah? - -00:14:28.166 --> 00:14:30.031 -I don't know if four leaf -would say that... four leaf? - -00:14:30.135 --> 00:14:32.467 -Were you crying -when your hands blew up? - -00:14:32.570 --> 00:14:34.197 -No. See, he didn't. -Yeah, I mean, just that's what... - -00:14:34.305 --> 00:14:35.863 -So now we in re-writes, right? - -00:14:35.974 --> 00:14:37.100 -- Where you going? -- Let's re-write it! - -00:14:37.208 --> 00:14:39.369 -Action Jackson can't cry. -That's what's going down. - -00:14:39.477 --> 00:14:41.445 -You know what, kirk? -I'm ready to do the scene! - -00:14:41.546 --> 00:14:45.107 -What scene? The scene is -about emotionality. Where is it? - -00:14:45.216 --> 00:14:46.808 -- Now it's time to flip the script! -- Kirk... - -00:14:46.918 --> 00:14:49.119 -Be here till Chinese new year -waiting for my man to cry. - -00:14:49.287 --> 00:14:51.255 -You're tangling me, -you're fucking tangling me. - -00:14:51.356 --> 00:14:52.636 -You're tangling me, God damn it! - -00:14:52.657 --> 00:14:55.490 -- Kirk, no! -- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag! - -00:14:55.593 --> 00:14:57.390 -I'm going potty. -You want to hold my dick? - -00:14:57.862 --> 00:15:00.626 -Shit! What are you fucking both doing, -good lord! - -00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:03.324 -We're getting this in a wide shot, right? - -00:15:03.434 --> 00:15:04.958 -Of course we're getting it -in a fucking wide. - -00:15:05.069 --> 00:15:06.093 -What, do you think -I'm a dick or something? - -00:15:06.204 --> 00:15:09.339 -Get that fucking food... -Here they come! - -00:15:10.441 --> 00:15:12.841 -- The planes are inbound! -- Shit! Shit! - -00:15:12.944 --> 00:15:17.847 -Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks. -Tropic tits! - -00:15:17.949 --> 00:15:20.918 -That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go! - -00:15:21.019 --> 00:15:23.078 -Let's go freaking tet here! - -00:15:23.188 --> 00:15:25.179 -Goddamn shit-picking cock! - -00:15:27.292 --> 00:15:28.884 -That's my shit! - -00:15:34.432 --> 00:15:37.367 -Mother nature just pissed her pantsuit! - -00:15:45.243 --> 00:15:46.471 -- Sweet. -- Oh, mama! - -00:15:49.280 --> 00:15:51.544 -Bungle in the jungle. - -00:15:51.649 --> 00:15:54.743 -More bad news from the vietnamese set -of tropic thunder, - -00:15:54.853 --> 00:15:58.584 -where a $4 million explosion -charred the Asian location - -00:15:58.690 --> 00:16:00.658 -and the camera wasn't even rolling. - -00:16:00.758 --> 00:16:03.420 -Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul -les Grossman, - -00:16:03.528 --> 00:16:06.622 -the film is already rumored to be -one month behind schedule - -00:16:06.731 --> 00:16:09.598 -just five days into shooting. -The reason? - -00:16:09.701 --> 00:16:12.636 -Fingers are pointed at rookie director -Damien cockburn, - -00:16:12.737 --> 00:16:15.831 -who, insiders say, -can't control a star-studded cast, - -00:16:15.940 --> 00:16:20.639 -including flatulent star of the popular -fatties franchise, Jeff portnoy. - -00:16:20.745 --> 00:16:23.270 -Let me tell you something. -A lot of people are disrespecting me. - -00:16:23.381 --> 00:16:27.112 -They say that the movie's -just about farts. It's about family, - -00:16:27.218 --> 00:16:30.312 -and... you! You can't do what I do. - -00:16:30.421 --> 00:16:34.653 -Fresh from his most recent arrest -for heroin, glue and crack possession, - -00:16:34.759 --> 00:16:37.125 -portnoy was almost uninsurable. - -00:16:37.228 --> 00:16:41.562 -Also in the mix is Booty sweat-hocking -hip-hop hyphenate alpa chino. - -00:16:41.666 --> 00:16:44.157 -I'm so excited, you know what I'm -saying, about doing tropic thunder. - -00:16:44.269 --> 00:16:46.430 -Hey, drink Booty sweat, baby. -Drink Booty sweat. - -00:16:46.537 --> 00:16:48.198 -But the real heavyweight on the set - -00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:49.217 -is five-time academy award winner -kirk Lazarus. - -00:16:49.241 --> 00:16:51.082 -Is five-time academy award winner -kirk Lazarus. - -00:16:51.109 --> 00:16:54.840 -The brilliant Australian -known for his bad boy antics off-screen - -00:16:54.946 --> 00:16:58.541 -is famous for his total immersion -into any role he portrays. - -00:16:58.650 --> 00:16:59.947 -Well, being an actor is no different - -00:17:00.051 --> 00:17:02.246 -than being a rugby player -or a construction worker, - -00:17:02.353 --> 00:17:03.479 -save for the fact that my tools - -00:17:03.588 --> 00:17:05.647 -are the mechanisms -that trigger human emotion. - -00:17:05.757 --> 00:17:07.816 -Lazarus underwent a controversial - -00:17:07.926 --> 00:17:10.918 -pigmentation alteration procedure -in order to play - -00:17:11.029 --> 00:17:14.123 -the platoon's African-American -sergeant, Lincoln osiris. - -00:17:14.232 --> 00:17:15.665 -Yeah! - -00:17:15.767 --> 00:17:17.632 -Trying to hold his own onscreen -with kirk - -00:17:17.735 --> 00:17:19.862 -is action juggernaut tugg speedman. - -00:17:19.971 --> 00:17:22.769 -Once the highest grossing star -in the world, - -00:17:22.874 --> 00:17:25.934 -lately his scorcher films -have lost their heat. - -00:17:26.044 --> 00:17:28.638 -Recently, speedman opened up to Tyra. - -00:17:28.746 --> 00:17:30.680 -You have no real family. - -00:17:30.782 --> 00:17:35.219 -You're on the wrong side of 40. -You're childless and alone. - -00:17:35.320 --> 00:17:37.015 -Somebody close to you said, - -00:17:37.121 --> 00:17:39.919 -"one more flop and it's over." - -00:17:42.026 --> 00:17:44.119 -Somebody said they were close to me? - -00:17:45.063 --> 00:17:46.189 -It's been a tough year for tugg. - -00:17:46.297 --> 00:17:49.061 -The disappointing buddy comedy -chitlin' & the dude - -00:17:49.167 --> 00:17:53.831 -was followed by an ill-advised venture -into serious dramatic territory. - -00:17:53.938 --> 00:17:55.030 -Simple Jack, - -00:17:55.139 --> 00:17:58.870 -the story of a mentally impaired -farmhand who can talk to animals, - -00:17:58.977 --> 00:18:00.842 -was a box office disaster - -00:18:00.945 --> 00:18:05.541 -that many critics called, -"one of the worst movies of all time." - -00:18:05.650 --> 00:18:09.279 -I ain't got a good brain. - -00:18:10.288 --> 00:18:13.189 -I think you've got a fine brain, Jack. - -00:18:13.291 --> 00:18:18.456 -You make me happy. - -00:18:19.998 --> 00:18:24.435 -But now the question is, -can speedman make audiences happy - -00:18:24.535 --> 00:18:26.298 -in what's being called -the most expensive - -00:18:26.404 --> 00:18:28.668 -- war movie never made? -- Rick peck. - -00:18:28.773 --> 00:18:30.293 -Wishing tugg all the best on that one. - -00:18:30.375 --> 00:18:34.709 -Rum-tum-tuggernauts, it's the pecker. -You got time for your agent? - -00:18:34.812 --> 00:18:36.074 -- Rick? -- Hey, buddy, - -00:18:36.180 --> 00:18:37.738 -guess who I'm staring at right now. - -00:18:37.849 --> 00:18:39.510 -- What? -- I'm looking at your ugly mug - -00:18:39.617 --> 00:18:41.915 -on the back cover -of vanity fair magazine, - -00:18:42.020 --> 00:18:44.454 -holding a cute, cuddly panda -from cutesville. - -00:18:44.555 --> 00:18:47.149 -It is insane, bro. You are a rock star. - -00:18:47.258 --> 00:18:49.852 -Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent? - -00:18:49.961 --> 00:18:50.985 -From Rick. - -00:18:51.095 --> 00:18:53.188 -Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks. - -00:18:53.297 --> 00:18:55.857 -All right, -that is a real satellite phone, bro. - -00:18:55.967 --> 00:18:57.559 -Do not re-gift. - -00:18:57.668 --> 00:19:00.159 -Hey. You see -that access Hollywood piece? - -00:19:00.271 --> 00:19:03.206 -Yeah, I did. -It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid. - -00:19:03.307 --> 00:19:07.744 -I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, -tugg. You are a huge star, all right? - -00:19:07.845 --> 00:19:09.312 -But right now, - -00:19:09.414 --> 00:19:10.972 -you're like that kid on the playground, -you know, - -00:19:11.082 --> 00:19:14.051 -the one who has lice that none -of the other kids want to play with? - -00:19:14.152 --> 00:19:16.232 -- What do you mean? -- I mean we gotta shave your head - -00:19:16.254 --> 00:19:18.722 -and get you back -on the monkey bars, right? - -00:19:18.823 --> 00:19:20.154 -What? - -00:19:20.258 --> 00:19:22.123 -How did the crying scene go? - -00:19:22.226 --> 00:19:23.989 -Horrible. Lazarus started crying. - -00:19:24.095 --> 00:19:27.258 -Then he starts drooling and dribbling, -and it wasn't even in the script... - -00:19:27.365 --> 00:19:28.457 -Stop right there! - -00:19:28.566 --> 00:19:30.295 -You gotta buck up here, tuggboat. - -00:19:30.401 --> 00:19:33.097 -Who cares how much more talented -he may be than you? - -00:19:33.204 --> 00:19:36.571 -If he cries, you cry harder, man. - -00:19:36.674 --> 00:19:38.835 -Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia -or something - -00:19:38.943 --> 00:19:40.308 -when you were a kid? -I mean, think of that. - -00:19:40.411 --> 00:19:44.177 -Boom! End of story. -They hook up the TiVo yet? - -00:19:44.282 --> 00:19:45.544 -Good gosh. - -00:19:45.650 --> 00:19:47.481 -- What? -- The TiVo, they hook it up? - -00:19:47.585 --> 00:19:49.849 -- No. The guy didn't come. -- What? - -00:19:49.954 --> 00:19:52.548 -For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable. - -00:19:52.657 --> 00:19:54.557 -They have digital cable, but, -I mean, it's okay. - -00:19:54.659 --> 00:19:56.889 -No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay. - -00:19:56.994 --> 00:19:59.121 -It is not okay, tugg! - -00:19:59.230 --> 00:20:02.358 -And you don't need to explain to me -why you need TiVo - -00:20:02.467 --> 00:20:06.403 -or clean water, clean sheets, -food, shelter. - -00:20:06.504 --> 00:20:09.598 -I mean, I fought for that in your contract. - -00:20:09.707 --> 00:20:11.766 -How's the adoption thing coming, -buddy? - -00:20:11.876 --> 00:20:13.901 -Not too great. - -00:20:17.148 --> 00:20:19.844 -I feel like all the good ones are gone. - -00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:23.817 -Well, at least you get to choose yours. - -00:20:23.921 --> 00:20:25.752 -I'm stuck with mine. - -00:20:27.658 --> 00:20:30.183 -Tell you what, get back to work, -genius soldier. - -00:20:30.294 --> 00:20:33.161 -The pecker's on a TiVo mission -for the y-o-u. - -00:20:33.264 --> 00:20:35.027 -Work on those tears, my man. - -00:20:35.133 --> 00:20:36.225 -All right. Yeah. - -00:20:36.334 --> 00:20:37.892 -Say it for me one time. - -00:20:38.002 --> 00:20:42.268 -- You make me happy. -- Make me happy. - -00:20:42.373 --> 00:20:43.965 -- I love you, buddy. -- All right, bye. - -00:20:44.876 --> 00:20:46.867 -Crisis meeting? -What does that mean, exactly? - -00:20:46.978 --> 00:20:48.639 -I mean, are we in a crisis? - -00:20:48.746 --> 00:20:50.270 -He's the head of the studio. - -00:20:50.381 --> 00:20:52.747 -He's reaching out. -We're 10,000 Miles away. - -00:20:52.850 --> 00:20:53.942 -He just wants a little face-time. - -00:20:54.051 --> 00:20:56.732 -I know, it's just you said -that he called it a crisis meeting. So... - -00:20:56.754 --> 00:20:59.154 -It's les Grossman. -He throws these words around. - -00:20:59.257 --> 00:21:03.660 -"Crisis," "explosion," -"not rolling," "fired." - -00:21:03.761 --> 00:21:05.092 -These are just words. - -00:21:05.196 --> 00:21:07.289 -Yeah! Yeah! - -00:21:07.398 --> 00:21:10.697 -Keep a secret? A camera truck -in London just plowed into judi dench. - -00:21:10.801 --> 00:21:11.927 -Trust me, he's got bigger problems. - -00:21:12.036 --> 00:21:14.504 -Look, he may be able to see me, -but I can't see him. - -00:21:14.605 --> 00:21:19.133 -- Move! Move! Hello, les! Hello! -- Get your ass out of my... - -00:21:19.243 --> 00:21:20.676 -- Your feet were on my desk. -- Can he see us? - -00:21:20.778 --> 00:21:22.109 -I don't know why we don't have... - -00:21:22.213 --> 00:21:24.374 -Get him a diet coke. Les! It's working! - -00:21:24.482 --> 00:21:26.973 -Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. -Hello, les! - -00:21:27.084 --> 00:21:28.483 -- Hello, les! -- Okay. - -00:21:28.586 --> 00:21:30.645 -We got you loud and clear here, les. - -00:21:30.755 --> 00:21:34.452 -I see you. I see you. I see you. - -00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:37.687 -Which one of you fuckfaces -is Damien cockburn? - -00:21:38.696 --> 00:21:40.220 -That's me, sir. - -00:21:40.331 --> 00:21:43.858 -It's good to finally meet you at last, -get some face-time. - -00:21:43.968 --> 00:21:47.927 -And who here is the key grip? -You? You. - -00:21:49.941 --> 00:21:53.399 -Hit that director in the face, -really fucking hard. - -00:22:00.284 --> 00:22:01.615 -Sorry, man. - -00:22:08.125 --> 00:22:11.026 -This is your fault, you limey fuck! - -00:22:11.128 --> 00:22:12.993 -You shit the money-bed, my friend. - -00:22:13.097 --> 00:22:15.622 -- What? -- God damn it, Damien! - -00:22:15.733 --> 00:22:18.827 -With all due respect, les Grossman did -not blow up the jungle. - -00:22:18.936 --> 00:22:20.028 -- What? -- Fuck the jungle. - -00:22:20.137 --> 00:22:21.468 -Exactly! - -00:22:22.173 --> 00:22:23.640 -Come on, man. - -00:22:24.375 --> 00:22:27.105 -Hey, les, I understand if you're angry, - -00:22:27.211 --> 00:22:29.202 -but I am dealing -with a bunch of prima Donnas! - -00:22:29.313 --> 00:22:32.805 -Clowns! Tugg speedman, he can't cry! -He can't cry! - -00:22:32.917 --> 00:22:35.317 -You know how you handle an actor? -They whine about anything, - -00:22:35.419 --> 00:22:38.718 -you pull down their pants -and you spank their ass. - -00:22:38.823 --> 00:22:41.018 -- You spank that ass, les. -- What? - -00:22:41.125 --> 00:22:44.891 -Spanking a child -turns him into a little snot. - -00:22:45.763 --> 00:22:48.664 -Fear makes him a man. - -00:22:49.700 --> 00:22:54.296 -I know a place -where a man's worth is measured - -00:22:54.405 --> 00:22:58.205 -in the ears hanging from his dog tags. - -00:22:58.309 --> 00:23:01.039 -The real deep shit. - -00:23:01.145 --> 00:23:03.739 -You wanna make this movie right? - -00:23:03.848 --> 00:23:07.340 -That's where you take -your pansy-ass actors. - -00:23:08.919 --> 00:23:10.784 -Who is this guy? - -00:23:10.888 --> 00:23:12.788 -Les, that's four leaf. - -00:23:12.890 --> 00:23:16.189 -Sergeant four leaf tayback. -I wrote the book. - -00:23:18.396 --> 00:23:22.457 -You're a great American. -This nation owes you a huge debt. - -00:23:22.566 --> 00:23:25.535 -Now shut the fuck up -and let me do my job! - -00:23:26.404 --> 00:23:27.871 -- Look, cockburn. -- Yes. - -00:23:27.972 --> 00:23:31.999 -From now on, my fist -is gonna be so far up your shithole - -00:23:32.109 --> 00:23:33.509 -that every time you have a thought, - -00:23:33.577 --> 00:23:36.603 -it's gonna have to tiptoe -past my wedding ring. - -00:23:36.714 --> 00:23:40.241 -Take control of your actors, -or I will shut you down. - -00:23:40.351 --> 00:23:41.443 -Diet coke! - -00:23:59.203 --> 00:24:01.398 -One week down, two weeks behind, - -00:24:01.505 --> 00:24:05.305 -gi Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you -ain't got the camera turned on anyway. - -00:24:05.409 --> 00:24:06.808 -Let's party! - -00:24:07.745 --> 00:24:09.645 -Man, you better get your shit straight, - -00:24:09.747 --> 00:24:12.614 -or I'll be on the next netjet out of here, -baby. You feel me? - -00:24:13.484 --> 00:24:14.484 -- You feel that? -- Yeah. - -00:24:14.552 --> 00:24:17.077 -Here comes another. -There we go. Now what? - -00:24:17.455 --> 00:24:19.787 -- Sandusky. Good. -- Hey, Mr. cockburn. - -00:24:19.890 --> 00:24:21.755 -We need to have a cast meeting -right now. - -00:24:21.859 --> 00:24:23.156 -- Right now? Awesome. -- Yes. - -00:24:23.260 --> 00:24:24.454 -You actually care, don't you? - -00:24:24.562 --> 00:24:27.156 -Yeah, it's a huge deal for me, -are you kidding? - -00:24:27.264 --> 00:24:29.232 -I've spent the past two years of my life - -00:24:29.333 --> 00:24:33.030 -living off residuals from a anti-herpes -medication commercial. - -00:24:33.137 --> 00:24:34.297 -I know, you're the only one -who auditioned, - -00:24:34.405 --> 00:24:35.963 -the only one who did -the two-week boot camp. - -00:24:36.073 --> 00:24:37.734 -Hey, hey, alpa. - -00:24:38.442 --> 00:24:40.910 -I'm the director. He's... -I need to speak to my actor. - -00:24:41.011 --> 00:24:42.239 -All right, hold up. Chino? - -00:24:42.346 --> 00:24:44.109 -What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby? - -00:24:45.049 --> 00:24:46.539 -This about -the Booty sweat cross-promotion? - -00:24:46.650 --> 00:24:47.674 -No, it's about the film. - -00:24:47.785 --> 00:24:49.776 -Oh, the film and Booty sweat's -the same thing. Give him a shot. - -00:24:50.154 --> 00:24:52.281 -Hey, how you doing, Jeff? - -00:24:52.390 --> 00:24:55.848 -- Who are you? -- That's awesome, man. - -00:24:58.129 --> 00:25:02.862 -Kevin. Kevin sandusky. I play Brooklyn, -we've been working together. - -00:25:02.967 --> 00:25:04.559 -Oh, right, right. I like you. - -00:25:04.668 --> 00:25:06.636 -Man, it's a real honor to be here... - -00:25:06.737 --> 00:25:08.034 -I can tell it's gonna be -a good experience. - -00:25:08.139 --> 00:25:09.339 -I'm really having a good time. - -00:25:09.373 --> 00:25:11.000 -Hey, can you help me out, man? -I'm looking for this guy. - -00:25:11.108 --> 00:25:15.272 -The grip with the bandana. -He's got a package for me. - -00:25:15.746 --> 00:25:18.146 -There he is, fucker. Dragon! - -00:25:19.250 --> 00:25:21.081 -What the fuck? Oh, buddy! - -00:25:21.218 --> 00:25:22.583 -I'm gonna go shoot a video, right? - -00:25:22.686 --> 00:25:24.813 -I'm gonna have v.C. Soldiers -in the video - -00:25:24.922 --> 00:25:26.219 -doing the noodle-legs, Damien. - -00:25:26.323 --> 00:25:30.692 -Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing -the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien. - -00:25:30.928 --> 00:25:32.688 -It's good, I love it, great. -But I need to... - -00:25:32.696 --> 00:25:35.688 -V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby. -Hit it, baby. - -00:25:35.833 --> 00:25:37.494 -Hell yeah, get it. Get it, cornbread. - -00:25:39.670 --> 00:25:40.830 -Alpa! - -00:25:40.938 --> 00:25:42.418 -Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone. - -00:25:42.473 --> 00:25:43.473 -Hello? Yo, yo, Donny! - -00:25:43.541 --> 00:25:45.661 -Can we call him back? -I've got to have a cast meeting. - -00:25:49.146 --> 00:25:51.478 -When we put aside our differences, - -00:25:51.582 --> 00:25:54.449 -we see we're kind of the same. - -00:25:55.352 --> 00:25:58.879 -When we put aside our differences, -we see - -00:26:00.558 --> 00:26:02.423 -we're kind of the same. - -00:26:03.194 --> 00:26:04.991 -Let's be friends. - -00:26:05.296 --> 00:26:07.924 -I know we can do great things together. - -00:26:10.034 --> 00:26:13.800 -That's a quotation from -a children's book I co-wrote, - -00:26:14.572 --> 00:26:16.699 -the boy everybody was jealous of. - -00:26:16.807 --> 00:26:18.536 -I think it pertains to the journey... - -00:26:18.642 --> 00:26:19.973 -Simple Jack sucked ass! - -00:26:21.045 --> 00:26:23.445 -All right, who said that? It's not funny. - -00:26:23.547 --> 00:26:25.310 -Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay? - -00:26:32.623 --> 00:26:35.319 -When the herd loses its way, - -00:26:35.426 --> 00:26:39.863 -the Shepherd must kill -the bull that leads them astray. - -00:26:41.699 --> 00:26:44.964 -- Four leaf? -- Come on over. It's okay. - -00:26:46.637 --> 00:26:48.127 -- Sit down. -- Yes. - -00:26:49.540 --> 00:26:54.637 -- So, you don't like the hotel? -- Beds give me nightmares. - -00:26:59.683 --> 00:27:04.882 -I'm guessing right about now -you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin - -00:27:04.989 --> 00:27:09.323 -with an Ohio hooker holding your prick -and showing you the way. - -00:27:16.133 --> 00:27:17.464 -What? - -00:27:17.701 --> 00:27:19.293 -You're a riddle - -00:27:20.804 --> 00:27:23.739 -with no cheese to maze through. - -00:27:25.643 --> 00:27:26.643 -Don't you get it? - -00:27:26.710 --> 00:27:30.441 -No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse -or something. I don't know. - -00:27:30.548 --> 00:27:34.484 -I put my story in your limp brit hands, - -00:27:34.585 --> 00:27:38.021 -and you are not going to fail me. - -00:27:38.122 --> 00:27:41.717 -You think I was just blowing -my own bagpipe in that meeting? - -00:27:41.825 --> 00:27:45.659 -You must put those boys in the shit. - -00:27:45.763 --> 00:27:47.321 -What? I don't understand. - -00:27:47.431 --> 00:27:50.696 -- You wanna make your movie or not? -- Yes, I do. - -00:27:50.801 --> 00:27:54.293 -All right, you get -some of those little video type cameras. - -00:27:54.405 --> 00:27:58.034 -We take them out there, and we put -them in the trees in different angles. - -00:27:58.142 --> 00:28:01.475 -Then you give me -and that pyromaniac Cody - -00:28:01.579 --> 00:28:06.448 -all the smoke bombs, charges, -explosives, detonators you got. - -00:28:06.550 --> 00:28:08.984 -Then we take those boys up there, - -00:28:09.086 --> 00:28:12.180 -me and Cody, -we could light up that fucking jungle, - -00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:15.224 -so those lily-dick actors -would be shitting their pants - -00:28:15.326 --> 00:28:17.317 -and screaming for their mammies. - -00:28:17.428 --> 00:28:20.886 -They'd be begging for a body bag -if it means a ride home. - -00:28:23.734 --> 00:28:25.258 -I could do it. - -00:28:26.036 --> 00:28:29.472 -I could shoot the whole thing -guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty. - -00:28:29.573 --> 00:28:32.906 -Get them away from their helpers -and ass-licking assistants. - -00:28:33.010 --> 00:28:34.102 -Put them in the real shit. - -00:28:34.211 --> 00:28:35.405 -- Real shit. -- With real fear in their eyes! - -00:28:35.512 --> 00:28:38.572 -Real fear, real emotion! -Yes, four leaf, yes! - -00:28:38.682 --> 00:28:40.775 -- Yes! Yes! -- Yes! Yes! - -00:28:40.884 --> 00:28:42.647 -Take them off the fucking grid! - -00:29:00.104 --> 00:29:02.868 -You are no longer actors in a movie! - -00:29:03.974 --> 00:29:06.704 -You are five men in a helicopter! - -00:29:08.479 --> 00:29:10.242 -With three other men! - -00:29:15.886 --> 00:29:17.410 -How long are we gonna be gone, -anyways? - -00:29:17.521 --> 00:29:21.582 -'Cause I left most of my vitamins -back at the hotel. - -00:29:21.692 --> 00:29:24.252 -- Save your breath, maggots! -- That's right, maggots! - -00:29:36.340 --> 00:29:37.602 -M&M? - -00:29:39.510 --> 00:29:40.807 -M&M? - -00:30:00.597 --> 00:30:04.133 -Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper! - -00:30:04.568 --> 00:30:07.731 -Move it, maggots, move! -Move, grunts, move your ass! - -00:30:07.838 --> 00:30:10.136 -Get out, you wriggly worms! - -00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:12.708 -- It's up too high! -- Move, move, move! - -00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:17.909 -See you in hell! - -00:30:29.426 --> 00:30:33.624 -This is bullshit! -I gotta at least call my fucking assistant. - -00:30:34.898 --> 00:30:37.628 -Fucking! Jesus! Dude! - -00:30:39.103 --> 00:30:41.333 -You're sitting on a nest -of hostile enemy v.C. - -00:30:41.438 --> 00:30:44.874 -Congratulations, fats. -You just got us all killed. - -00:30:45.876 --> 00:30:49.471 -Anybody else care to give away -our position to Charlie? - -00:30:49.580 --> 00:30:51.343 -Cell phones! - -00:30:51.448 --> 00:30:52.915 -What the hell, Damien? - -00:30:53.016 --> 00:30:56.713 -Weren't no cell phones in '69, man. -I'm head-to-toe legitimate. - -00:30:56.820 --> 00:31:00.221 -Gentlemen, I've got good news -and bad news. - -00:31:00.324 --> 00:31:03.816 -The studio wants to shut us down. -That's the bad news. - -00:31:03.961 --> 00:31:06.259 -And the good news. - -00:31:06.363 --> 00:31:09.264 -If you wanna save this movie, -you will become a unit. - -00:31:09.366 --> 00:31:13.132 -Your objective is to head north -to the d'ang kwook river - -00:31:13.237 --> 00:31:14.727 -and liberate the pow camp, - -00:31:14.838 --> 00:31:18.103 -at which point four leaf -will get himself captured, - -00:31:18.208 --> 00:31:20.005 -at which point you will rescue him, - -00:31:20.110 --> 00:31:23.477 -at which point -we will chopper you home! - -00:31:24.681 --> 00:31:25.773 -Damn. - -00:31:25.883 --> 00:31:27.680 -Four leaf, -since you're the staff sergeant, - -00:31:27.785 --> 00:31:30.185 -there's the map, this is the scene list. - -00:31:30.287 --> 00:31:32.414 -Think you can handle it? - -00:31:32.523 --> 00:31:36.721 -We have rigged this entire -valley of death with hidden cameras. - -00:31:38.195 --> 00:31:41.824 -And I will be shooting as well, -from unseen vantage points, - -00:31:41.932 --> 00:31:45.527 -so that every glorious moment -is captured on film. - -00:31:46.804 --> 00:31:49.967 -And believe me, gentlemen, -it will be glorious. - -00:31:50.073 --> 00:31:52.598 -If it looks real, -chances are it probably is. - -00:31:52.709 --> 00:31:54.301 -You wanted to be actors. - -00:31:54.411 --> 00:31:57.005 -You wanted to occupy -the skin of another human being. - -00:31:57.114 --> 00:32:00.106 -Well, get ready to occupy the skin -of a terrified U.S. infantry grunt, - -00:32:00.217 --> 00:32:03.983 -surrounded by death, -crawling up Satan's bottom. - -00:32:05.022 --> 00:32:09.721 -There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, -your own little personal slice of 'nam. - -00:32:09.827 --> 00:32:14.423 -This radio goes to the chopper -and the chopper only. - -00:32:14.531 --> 00:32:18.968 -The chopper is God, -and I am Jesus Christ, his son. - -00:32:19.069 --> 00:32:21.765 -You are my chosen disciples. - -00:32:21.872 --> 00:32:24.898 -And no one gets to go home -till we get the shots. - -00:32:25.008 --> 00:32:28.034 -Put on your war faces, gentlemen. - -00:32:28.145 --> 00:32:32.844 -Now, let's go and make -the greatest war movie ever! - -00:32:32.950 --> 00:32:35.282 -- Yeah! -- All right! - -00:32:54.037 --> 00:32:55.095 -Yeah! - -00:33:00.544 --> 00:33:01.602 -Yeah! - -00:33:14.157 --> 00:33:16.057 -Not bad, cockburn! - -00:33:17.895 --> 00:33:19.089 -Not bad. - -00:33:20.797 --> 00:33:22.389 -Wherever you are! - -00:33:24.401 --> 00:33:27.461 -Wherever he is? -Looks like he's all over the place. - -00:33:29.273 --> 00:33:31.173 -Here we go. - -00:33:31.275 --> 00:33:33.300 -Must be an old French mine. - -00:33:33.410 --> 00:33:36.868 -It's a remnant from colonial indo-China. -This jungle must be full of them. - -00:33:38.949 --> 00:33:42.407 -Don't you get it? -He's messing with our heads. - -00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:44.544 -That's what all that -playing God stuff was about. - -00:33:44.655 --> 00:33:47.215 -He's trying to get us to act good, -save the movie. - -00:33:47.324 --> 00:33:50.350 -He ain't playing God. -He's being judged by him. - -00:33:54.364 --> 00:33:57.060 -That's our objective. -Complete the mission. - -00:34:03.273 --> 00:34:06.174 -No offense, kirk, -I know you're the big fancy actor here, - -00:34:06.276 --> 00:34:10.178 -but I've done a lot more effects-driven -event films than you. Okay? - -00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:11.679 -And I think I can spot - -00:34:13.784 --> 00:34:15.308 -a prop head when I see one. - -00:34:15.419 --> 00:34:16.909 -Oh, Jesus. - -00:34:18.121 --> 00:34:21.613 -It's corn syrup, guys. -Corn syrup and latex. - -00:34:24.828 --> 00:34:27.956 -Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup. - -00:34:28.065 --> 00:34:29.191 -Oh, God. - -00:34:29.833 --> 00:34:32.961 -Smoke and mirrors, guys. -Welcome to the movie factory. - -00:34:33.070 --> 00:34:34.264 -Oldest trick in the book. - -00:34:36.273 --> 00:34:37.570 -He getting down now. - -00:34:37.674 --> 00:34:39.039 -Oh, my God! - -00:34:41.845 --> 00:34:43.904 -Whoa, look at me! - -00:34:44.014 --> 00:34:45.481 -You're going to get the shots, - -00:34:45.582 --> 00:34:48.574 -and I'm going to make sure -because I'm the director. - -00:34:48.685 --> 00:34:50.812 -I'm from London. I direct plays. - -00:34:50.921 --> 00:34:53.947 -Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on! - -00:35:03.967 --> 00:35:05.662 -Look, I'm Dave Beckham. - -00:35:15.312 --> 00:35:17.712 -So, we gotta -light these boys up today, huh? - -00:35:17.814 --> 00:35:20.009 -Blow some sense into these young men. - -00:35:20.984 --> 00:35:23.885 -Hey, I don't want to come off -as weird or anything, - -00:35:23.987 --> 00:35:27.923 -but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah. - -00:35:29.292 --> 00:35:32.784 -Tropic thunder. -Kind of like my catcher in the rye. - -00:35:34.031 --> 00:35:36.261 -Yeah, I've never been in the military, -per se, - -00:35:36.366 --> 00:35:38.800 -but I have lost an appendage -in the line of duty. - -00:35:40.604 --> 00:35:42.834 -Driving miss Daisy, first studio gig. - -00:35:43.607 --> 00:35:44.665 -Yeah. - -00:35:45.175 --> 00:35:47.973 -It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. -What is it? - -00:35:48.078 --> 00:35:49.739 -I don't know what it's called. - -00:35:50.881 --> 00:35:55.614 -I just know the sound it makes -when it takes a man's life. - -00:35:58.755 --> 00:35:59.813 -Okay. - -00:36:00.390 --> 00:36:01.630 -Damien, we're go for explosion. - -00:36:01.725 --> 00:36:04.523 -Ready to kick the tires -and light the fires on your say-so. - -00:36:04.628 --> 00:36:06.357 -Damien, we're go for explosion. - -00:36:07.497 --> 00:36:08.521 -Do you copy? - -00:36:08.632 --> 00:36:11.499 -I got an itchy trigger finger here, -and I'm ready to blow some shit up. - -00:36:11.601 --> 00:36:15.230 -All right, you happy now? -Can we do the scene? - -00:36:15.338 --> 00:36:17.966 -Or do you need a formal invitation? -Come on, let's go! - -00:36:19.776 --> 00:36:20.868 -Here. Okay. - -00:36:20.977 --> 00:36:23.172 -"Scene 12, exterior, -jungle clearing, day, ambush. - -00:36:28.718 --> 00:36:30.652 -"Four leaf notices -movement in the brush. - -00:36:30.754 --> 00:36:33.780 -"A dozen guerrilla fighters -can be seen moving in the tree line. - -00:36:33.890 --> 00:36:36.450 -"Somewhere a mine explodes." -And you. - -00:36:37.794 --> 00:36:39.819 -"I got a bad feeling on this one." - -00:36:39.930 --> 00:36:41.420 -- Yeah. -- No, that's your line. - -00:36:41.531 --> 00:36:44.398 -- I got... now? -- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared. - -00:36:44.501 --> 00:36:47.231 -- "I got a bad feeling on this one." -- Dude, wait, like how? - -00:36:47.337 --> 00:36:49.168 -"I got a bad feeling on this one." - -00:36:49.272 --> 00:36:51.365 -- Okay. -- Action. Go, come on. - -00:37:00.383 --> 00:37:03.250 -I got a bad feeling -on this one there, fats. - -00:37:04.588 --> 00:37:07.989 -Our asses don't get fragged -in this bullshit valley, - -00:37:08.091 --> 00:37:09.922 -first thing I'm doing -is paying my two bucks - -00:37:10.026 --> 00:37:11.653 -so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry - -00:37:11.761 --> 00:37:14.457 -on a sweet little mama-San's -dinky dau poontang. - -00:37:14.564 --> 00:37:17.465 -Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged -before he get any cooch. - -00:37:17.567 --> 00:37:20.798 -He die, he probably die -a coochless motherfucker. - -00:37:20.904 --> 00:37:22.303 -Zip it, motown. - -00:37:22.405 --> 00:37:23.963 -Don't you worry, Brooklyn. - -00:37:24.074 --> 00:37:26.133 -You got a lot of days of fucking -ahead of you. - -00:37:28.245 --> 00:37:29.837 -Man, I'm thirsty. - -00:37:30.947 --> 00:37:35.907 -Might as well have some of this -Booty sweat I got back in danang. - -00:37:36.786 --> 00:37:40.278 -Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead! - -00:37:40.390 --> 00:37:42.187 -Ain't no criss angel mindfreak, - -00:37:42.292 --> 00:37:45.625 -David Blaine trapdoor -horseshit jumping off here! - -00:37:45.729 --> 00:37:49.495 -Hey! You wanna get on the train here, -or do you wanna ruin another take? - -00:37:49.599 --> 00:37:52.932 -There ain't no goddamn takes, -ain't no goddamn motion picture! - -00:37:53.904 --> 00:37:55.667 -- You sure? -- Yeah. - -00:37:55.772 --> 00:37:57.569 -- Yeah? -- For certain, man. - -00:37:57.674 --> 00:37:59.574 -Then why are you still in character? - -00:38:01.144 --> 00:38:03.112 -I know, but I don't have to tell you. - -00:38:04.247 --> 00:38:05.305 -You don't know. - -00:38:05.415 --> 00:38:08.350 -Man, I don't drop character -till I done a DVD commentary. - -00:38:11.121 --> 00:38:13.282 -You happy now? -We're out of position for the effects! - -00:38:13.390 --> 00:38:15.119 -Get down, fool! - -00:38:16.826 --> 00:38:19.727 -Didn't anyone read the script? -This is the ambush! - -00:38:21.131 --> 00:38:24.794 -- This feels pretty real! -- Exactly! Let's use it. - -00:38:35.412 --> 00:38:36.572 -Yeah! - -00:38:37.847 --> 00:38:39.212 -Yeah! - -00:38:41.818 --> 00:38:43.080 -Eat lead! - -00:38:45.055 --> 00:38:47.421 -They're busting caps -like a motherfucker down there. - -00:38:50.694 --> 00:38:52.787 -This is fubar. I say we juice them. - -00:38:52.896 --> 00:38:54.386 -- What do you think? -- Juice them. - -00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:59.291 -Fuck you, Charlie! - -00:39:01.371 --> 00:39:02.838 -Big-ass titties! - -00:39:08.812 --> 00:39:10.439 -Look at that, huh? - -00:39:15.719 --> 00:39:16.913 -And cut! - -00:39:19.189 --> 00:39:21.020 -That's the trailer right there. - -00:39:21.124 --> 00:39:22.421 -Yeah! - -00:39:22.525 --> 00:39:24.789 -- What do we do now? -- Yeah. - -00:39:24.894 --> 00:39:26.418 -North. Man said to head north. - -00:39:26.529 --> 00:39:29.862 -- Did you see me shooting? -- That's how we do. Good work, baby. - -00:39:29.966 --> 00:39:31.024 -I believed it. - -00:39:31.134 --> 00:39:32.294 -D'ang kwook river. - -00:39:32.936 --> 00:39:34.335 -I'm betting -he's got more of these battles - -00:39:34.437 --> 00:39:37.167 -and viet congs -rigged for us along the way. - -00:39:37.274 --> 00:39:41.040 -Sergeant osiris, get your men. -Load and lock. - -00:39:41.711 --> 00:39:43.474 -Real, baby, I'm real. - -00:39:44.547 --> 00:39:47.345 -Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover! - -00:39:48.485 --> 00:39:51.511 -Hump it up, gentlemen! -Single formation. - -00:39:51.621 --> 00:39:53.452 -Don't dawdle now! - -00:40:17.580 --> 00:40:21.846 -D-rod, d-rod, this is puddingface. -How are we coming on that hotplate? - -00:40:24.487 --> 00:40:27.786 -Something's up. -I think we better drag ass back there. - -00:40:27.891 --> 00:40:30.587 -Make sure Damien ain't forgot -how to use his talkbox again. - -00:40:38.335 --> 00:40:41.304 -Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste. - -00:40:42.906 --> 00:40:45.033 -- What are you doing, Jeff? -- Fucking... nothing, man! - -00:40:45.141 --> 00:40:48.474 -- I'm eating jellybeans. -- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please... - -00:40:48.578 --> 00:40:51.308 -No, you can't have -any fucking jellybeans. - -00:40:51.414 --> 00:40:52.506 -They're mine. - -00:40:52.615 --> 00:40:53.775 -You think -you're the only one who gets sick - -00:40:53.883 --> 00:40:55.578 -when he doesn't have his jellybeans? - -00:40:55.685 --> 00:40:57.084 -Boundaries, man. Fuck. - -00:41:17.006 --> 00:41:19.702 -Hey. I didn't mean to -show you up back there. - -00:41:19.809 --> 00:41:23.939 -It's just, I feel like we really need -to set the example for the other guys. - -00:41:24.047 --> 00:41:25.947 -It's gonna be tough, - -00:41:26.049 --> 00:41:29.075 -but I think Damien's gonna get -some great shit out of us. - -00:41:30.620 --> 00:41:32.380 -Just wish I had -a director like this on Jack. - -00:41:32.455 --> 00:41:34.946 -On Jack. What? Jack? -What you talking about? - -00:41:36.159 --> 00:41:38.127 -- Simple Jack. -- Oh, yeah. - -00:41:39.629 --> 00:41:42.860 -Simple Jack, yeah. -You went all out on that one, huh? - -00:41:42.966 --> 00:41:45.230 -You did. -Really swung for the fences, huh? - -00:41:45.335 --> 00:41:47.735 -Thank you. Thanks. Yeah. - -00:41:47.837 --> 00:41:50.738 -Yeah, it was an intense experience, -you know. - -00:41:51.441 --> 00:41:53.534 -I just did the work. - -00:41:53.643 --> 00:41:57.443 -Watched a lot of retarded people. -Spent time with them. Observed them. - -00:41:58.748 --> 00:42:00.909 -Watched all the retarded stuff they did. - -00:42:01.017 --> 00:42:02.780 -Then again, -I always found mere observation - -00:42:02.886 --> 00:42:05.184 -in and of itself is a tad rudimentary. - -00:42:05.288 --> 00:42:08.348 -Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper -to mine the true emotional pay dirt. - -00:42:08.458 --> 00:42:12.792 -Thus, we can diagram the source -of the pain and then live it, you know. - -00:42:12.896 --> 00:42:14.955 -Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly. - -00:42:15.064 --> 00:42:17.794 -You know, there were times -when I was doing Jack - -00:42:17.901 --> 00:42:20.369 -that I actually felt retarded, - -00:42:20.470 --> 00:42:21.835 -- like really retarded. -- Oh, yeah. - -00:42:21.938 --> 00:42:24.133 -I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded, - -00:42:24.240 --> 00:42:26.037 -- I rode the bus retarded. -- Damn. - -00:42:26.142 --> 00:42:29.373 -In a weird way, -I had to sort of just free myself up - -00:42:29.479 --> 00:42:32.448 -to believe that it was okay -to be stupid or dumb. - -00:42:32.549 --> 00:42:34.107 -- To be a moron. -- Yeah. - -00:42:34.217 --> 00:42:36.947 -- To be moronical. -- Exactly, to be a moron. - -00:42:37.053 --> 00:42:38.418 -- An imbecile. -- Yeah. - -00:42:38.521 --> 00:42:41.388 -Like the dumbest motherfucker -that ever lived. - -00:42:41.491 --> 00:42:42.651 -When I was playing the character. - -00:42:42.759 --> 00:42:45.353 -- When you was the character. -- Yeah, as Jack, definitely. - -00:42:45.462 --> 00:42:47.657 -Jack, stupid ass Jack. - -00:42:47.764 --> 00:42:49.026 -Trying to come back from that. - -00:42:49.132 --> 00:42:53.262 -In a weird way it was almost like -I had to sort of fool my mind - -00:42:53.369 --> 00:42:56.338 -into believing that it wasn't retarded, - -00:42:56.439 --> 00:42:58.240 -and by the end of the whole thing, -I was like, - -00:42:58.274 --> 00:43:02.802 -"wait a minute, I flushed so much out, -how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?" - -00:43:02.912 --> 00:43:04.971 -- It's just like... right? -- Yeah. - -00:43:05.081 --> 00:43:07.845 -You was farting in bathtubs -and laughing your ass off. - -00:43:07.951 --> 00:43:09.816 -Yeah. - -00:43:09.919 --> 00:43:12.217 -But simple Jack thought he was smart, - -00:43:12.322 --> 00:43:13.619 -or rather, didn't think he was retarded, - -00:43:13.723 --> 00:43:16.590 -so you can't afford to play retarded, -being a smart actor. - -00:43:16.693 --> 00:43:19.184 -Playing a guy who ain't smart -but thinks he is, - -00:43:19.295 --> 00:43:20.922 -- that's tricky. -- Tricky. - -00:43:21.030 --> 00:43:24.557 -It's like working with Mercury. -It's high science, man. It's an art form. - -00:43:24.667 --> 00:43:26.692 -- Yeah. -- You an artist. - -00:43:26.803 --> 00:43:28.600 -- That's what we do, right? Yeah. -- Yeah. - -00:43:28.705 --> 00:43:29.967 -Hats off for going there, - -00:43:30.073 --> 00:43:32.803 -especially knowing how -the academy is about that shit. - -00:43:36.513 --> 00:43:40.040 -- About what? -- You're serious? You don't know? - -00:43:42.252 --> 00:43:44.277 -Everybody knows -you never go full retard. - -00:43:45.822 --> 00:43:47.915 -- What do you mean? -- Check it out. - -00:43:48.057 --> 00:43:52.153 -Dustin Hoffman, rain man, looked -retarded, act retarded, not retarded. - -00:43:52.262 --> 00:43:56.358 -Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. -Autistic, sure. Not retarded. - -00:43:57.233 --> 00:43:59.098 -Then you got tom Hanks, -Forrest Gump. - -00:43:59.202 --> 00:44:01.500 -Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, -braces on his legs. - -00:44:01.604 --> 00:44:04.505 -But he charmed the pants off Nixon, -and he won a ping-pong competition. - -00:44:04.607 --> 00:44:05.631 -That ain't retarded. - -00:44:05.775 --> 00:44:09.711 -And he was a goddamn war hero. -You know any retarded war heroes? - -00:44:11.648 --> 00:44:13.639 -You went full retard, man. - -00:44:15.184 --> 00:44:16.549 -Never go full retard. - -00:44:17.554 --> 00:44:21.115 -You don't buy that? -Ask Sean penn, 2001, I am Sam. - -00:44:21.224 --> 00:44:24.523 -Remember? Went full retard? -Went home empty-handed. - -00:44:34.370 --> 00:44:37.567 -Oh, my God! Holy shit! - -00:44:38.241 --> 00:44:40.937 -Good job, turd. You killed the director. - -00:44:41.044 --> 00:44:42.306 -No, that's impossible, man. - -00:44:42.412 --> 00:44:45.279 -I rigged the whole tree line, -and this is here. - -00:44:45.415 --> 00:44:46.939 -- He must have missed his mark. -- Missed his mark? - -00:44:47.050 --> 00:44:48.278 -Yeah, this isn't me. - -00:44:48.384 --> 00:44:51.182 -Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard -and get back to the hotel. - -00:44:51.287 --> 00:44:53.983 -- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! -- We're in a world of hurt! - -00:44:54.090 --> 00:44:56.285 -- You're in trouble. -- This isn't just on me! - -00:44:56.392 --> 00:44:58.622 -- We're in a... we're together on this. -- Bullshit. - -00:44:58.728 --> 00:45:00.195 -You're just gonna run away. -You're gonna leave. - -00:45:00.296 --> 00:45:02.056 -What happened to, -"no man left behind," okay? - -00:45:02.065 --> 00:45:04.329 -Just wait, just wait! Listen! -Listen, okay? - -00:45:04.434 --> 00:45:07.164 -- I don't wanna hear it. -- Let me just be real with you, all right? - -00:45:07.270 --> 00:45:10.569 -I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis -on freaky Friday, okay? - -00:45:10.673 --> 00:45:12.004 -This shit will fucking ruin me! - -00:45:12.108 --> 00:45:14.068 -- Just get off me! You're pathetic. -- No, I'm not. - -00:45:14.110 --> 00:45:16.578 -- Get off me! -- You are not going back! - -00:45:19.949 --> 00:45:21.883 -- What the fuck? -- Now wait a minute. - -00:45:32.261 --> 00:45:34.957 -So, what? -We're just supposed to keep walking? - -00:45:35.064 --> 00:45:37.931 -Try to stay in character. -Remember, we're on camera. - -00:45:38.067 --> 00:45:39.067 -This thing's too heavy. - -00:45:39.135 --> 00:45:40.568 -I want the rubber one -that the prop guy gave me. - -00:45:40.670 --> 00:45:42.934 -Where's the fucking prop guy? - -00:45:47.910 --> 00:45:50.504 -How's it going with that map, chief? - -00:45:50.613 --> 00:45:53.207 -- Can I have a look at it? -- I got it. - -00:45:53.316 --> 00:45:54.874 -Yeah, Damien gave it to me, -remember? - -00:45:54.984 --> 00:45:56.474 -Yeah, but he gave it to you for us. - -00:45:56.586 --> 00:45:58.213 -- Yeah. -- Okay. - -00:45:58.321 --> 00:46:00.846 -- I got it. -- You got it upside down. - -00:46:00.990 --> 00:46:01.990 -Thank you. - -00:46:02.091 --> 00:46:03.649 -Letters go one way -and the numbers another. - -00:46:03.760 --> 00:46:05.318 -Dude, I'm trying to... -I got your back, man. - -00:46:05.428 --> 00:46:07.191 -- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool. -- You are? - -00:46:07.296 --> 00:46:09.161 -Is your character dyslexic? - -00:46:09.265 --> 00:46:10.994 -- No, my character's not dyslexic. -- So you a cartographer. - -00:46:11.100 --> 00:46:12.931 -I'm tired, I want to go home. - -00:46:13.036 --> 00:46:15.596 -Why, so you can get back and make -fatties: Fart 20, or some shit? - -00:46:15.672 --> 00:46:18.607 -It's fatties: Fart two, there's no... hey, -you wish you had a fatties franchise. - -00:46:18.708 --> 00:46:19.988 -- What? -- It's fatties: Fart two. - -00:46:20.043 --> 00:46:21.271 -- Yeah, you do. -- I don't want no fatties franchise, - -00:46:21.377 --> 00:46:23.777 -- I got a diamond toilet. -- Your stupid-ass commercials. - -00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:25.347 -You're all fucked up, man, -you look tired. - -00:46:25.448 --> 00:46:26.574 -You look like you bumped your head -or something, - -00:46:26.683 --> 00:46:28.514 -so I came over to see -if you're fucking all right, that's all. - -00:46:28.618 --> 00:46:30.643 -- Yeah, why don't you get on point? -- I'm on point right here. - -00:46:30.753 --> 00:46:31.777 -My farts -are fucking more beautiful than... - -00:46:31.888 --> 00:46:34.448 -You still got that shit upside down. - -00:46:35.058 --> 00:46:36.538 -The numbers help, man, the numbers... - -00:46:36.559 --> 00:46:38.789 -The letters go across the top -and then the numbers. - -00:46:38.895 --> 00:46:40.453 -- Want the map? -- Yeah, I want the fucking map. - -00:46:40.563 --> 00:46:41.996 -Well, you can't have it, -'cause Damien gave it me. - -00:46:42.098 --> 00:46:45.261 -You wish you had my farts, -my farts are fucking music. - -00:46:45.368 --> 00:46:47.734 -All right. That's enough. - -00:46:49.205 --> 00:46:52.936 -Everybody's obviously a little bushed -from all this humping. - -00:46:53.543 --> 00:46:56.034 -So take a chow break. Chow break! - -00:46:57.847 --> 00:46:59.405 -But stay alert. - -00:46:59.982 --> 00:47:03.474 -Remember, Charlie don't care -if you're on break or not. - -00:47:08.558 --> 00:47:11.493 -All right, that's lunch. Coming back -to the same scene afterwards, - -00:47:11.594 --> 00:47:12.959 -"lost in the goddamn jungle." - -00:47:13.062 --> 00:47:14.062 -Captain simple Jack. - -00:47:15.031 --> 00:47:16.031 -Fuck you. - -00:47:24.941 --> 00:47:26.499 -I fucking hate movies. - -00:47:28.845 --> 00:47:31.678 -This is bullshit. -I don't wanna be in this shitty movie. - -00:47:41.524 --> 00:47:44.288 -No! That's my jellybeans! No! - -00:47:44.393 --> 00:47:49.057 -Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit! - -00:47:49.165 --> 00:47:52.430 -- Yo, man, I got a bust-a-nut. -- You go to hell! There he is. - -00:47:55.872 --> 00:47:58.807 -God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go? - -00:47:59.776 --> 00:48:02.256 -You little piece of shit! -I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off! - -00:48:04.180 --> 00:48:07.206 -Sanducci. Hold up, man, -keep it on the down-low. - -00:48:08.618 --> 00:48:10.899 -I don't really gotta piss. -I'm trying to talk at you, man. - -00:48:10.953 --> 00:48:12.580 -Bait, I need bait. - -00:48:13.723 --> 00:48:17.420 -You went to boot camp, right? -You can read a map? - -00:48:17.527 --> 00:48:18.755 -Yeah, I think so. - -00:48:18.861 --> 00:48:21.557 -I know speedman -got everyone convinced we out here - -00:48:21.664 --> 00:48:25.464 -making planet of the apes on YouTube -or some shit, but I don't buy it. - -00:48:25.568 --> 00:48:28.036 -You wanna step on a real landmine? -You wanna die? - -00:48:28.838 --> 00:48:30.533 -You wanna get shot -by a real motherfucker? - -00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:33.803 -- Keep looking ahead, man. -- No, of course not. - -00:48:34.210 --> 00:48:36.371 -Trying to get home, man. - -00:48:36.479 --> 00:48:38.140 -Got a big job coming up next year. - -00:48:38.247 --> 00:48:39.680 -- Oh, yeah? -- Yeah. - -00:48:39.782 --> 00:48:42.307 -It's about Abe Lincoln and John wilkes -booth when they were both young. - -00:48:42.418 --> 00:48:43.510 -- Oh, wow! -- Yeah. - -00:48:43.619 --> 00:48:46.110 -- That's a classy picture. -- Dude, you kind of look like Abe. - -00:48:46.222 --> 00:48:47.689 -Slap a beard on you. - -00:48:47.790 --> 00:48:49.815 -- What's your fucking name? -- Really? It's Kevin. - -00:48:49.926 --> 00:48:51.917 -- Kevin sandusky. -- Yeah. - -00:48:52.595 --> 00:48:56.156 -If I can put that map in your hands, -can I count on you? - -00:48:56.566 --> 00:49:00.093 -- Well, yeah, I guess you can. -- Dynamite. I'm out. - -00:49:03.773 --> 00:49:06.207 -That smelled just like bologna -for some reason. - -00:49:06.309 --> 00:49:08.834 -Is anyone gonna fucking help me -get this fucking thing? - -00:49:09.545 --> 00:49:12.105 -Why are they even out in the daytime? - -00:49:14.317 --> 00:49:18.754 -I'm gonna level with you, bro. -I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you. - -00:49:24.994 --> 00:49:28.760 -Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie. - -00:49:30.967 --> 00:49:32.696 -He's way out on a limb -with this character, - -00:49:32.802 --> 00:49:34.633 -and I think he's getting cold feet. - -00:49:35.938 --> 00:49:38.736 -And the men respect you, -'cause you went to boot camp - -00:49:38.841 --> 00:49:40.468 -and rehearsal. - -00:49:41.510 --> 00:49:44.035 -- Can I count on you, Kyle. -- It's Kevin. - -00:49:44.146 --> 00:49:45.204 -Good. - -00:49:46.782 --> 00:49:49.649 -If you want -I could give the map a look-see. - -00:49:49.752 --> 00:49:51.913 -- I'll handle the map. -- Okay. - -00:49:52.021 --> 00:49:55.252 -You stick with the program, -we get this movie in the can, - -00:49:55.358 --> 00:49:59.055 -I'm thinking there could be -a teen choice award in it for you. - -00:49:59.161 --> 00:50:03.359 -You have that potential. -They'll slime you, the whole deal. - -00:50:03.466 --> 00:50:07.095 -- Yeah, that's wicked. -- Good. - -00:50:13.009 --> 00:50:15.102 -There it is! Yeah, now you're dead! - -00:50:16.279 --> 00:50:17.507 -You o.D.'D! - -00:50:19.081 --> 00:50:20.412 -Hold up now, Jeff. - -00:50:22.818 --> 00:50:24.217 -Fucking hell! - -00:50:25.855 --> 00:50:28.915 -What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man! - -00:50:29.025 --> 00:50:31.493 -I don't have any more jellybeans. - -00:50:38.100 --> 00:50:39.897 -You land there! - -00:50:54.817 --> 00:50:57.217 -Wow. Look at these ruins. - -00:50:59.388 --> 00:51:03.825 -- Where the hell are we? -- D'ang kwook river. - -00:51:03.926 --> 00:51:06.292 -That so? How do you know that? -How you sure? - -00:51:06.395 --> 00:51:08.590 -Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go. - -00:51:08.698 --> 00:51:13.795 -Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. -Seriously, my skin hurts! - -00:51:13.903 --> 00:51:16.337 -Enough from the peanut gallery! -Into the water, ladies! - -00:51:16.439 --> 00:51:18.507 -No, man. Let me take a look at that map -right quick. - -00:51:18.674 --> 00:51:20.354 -Why is everybody -all obsessed with the map? - -00:51:20.376 --> 00:51:22.401 -'Cause we're tired -of being your trail donkeys! - -00:51:22.511 --> 00:51:24.911 -Acting like you some one-man GPS! - -00:51:25.014 --> 00:51:28.882 -God damn it! We lost! -We fucking super lost, man! - -00:51:28.985 --> 00:51:31.112 -Tell him, mcclusky. -Tell him what time it is. - -00:51:31.220 --> 00:51:32.778 -I don't believe you people. - -00:51:34.523 --> 00:51:36.218 -What do you mean "you people"? - -00:51:38.894 --> 00:51:41.488 -What do you mean, "you people"? - -00:51:41.597 --> 00:51:43.588 -I think what tugg means is... - -00:51:43.699 --> 00:51:45.064 -No, look at his eyes, man. - -00:51:45.167 --> 00:51:47.897 -You people, you actors. You people... -- Look at them beady, white devil eyes. - -00:51:48.004 --> 00:51:49.605 -I gotta get back to the hotel, for real! - -00:51:49.638 --> 00:51:51.606 -- Hell, no! -- Silence! - -00:51:52.641 --> 00:51:55.303 -Chill! All right? Just chill it. - -00:51:56.812 --> 00:52:00.009 -Now, let's go get those viet congs. - -00:52:00.850 --> 00:52:02.408 -- "Viet cong"! -- What? - -00:52:02.918 --> 00:52:05.944 -It's "viet cong." There's no "s." -It's already plural. - -00:52:06.055 --> 00:52:07.647 -You wouldn't say "Chineses." - -00:52:09.025 --> 00:52:11.459 -All right, that's enough -of this insubordination! - -00:52:11.560 --> 00:52:14.358 -If the machine breaks down, -we break down. - -00:52:14.463 --> 00:52:16.988 -Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, -he was big but a little puffy - -00:52:17.099 --> 00:52:18.739 -and then Rambo ii, -he got all shredded up? - -00:52:18.801 --> 00:52:21.668 -- Yeah. -- That's kind of how you look right now. - -00:52:21.771 --> 00:52:23.329 -- Yeah? -- Not Rambo I but ii. - -00:52:23.439 --> 00:52:25.168 -- Really? -- Yeah, when he was cut up. - -00:52:25.274 --> 00:52:27.640 -I'm not that... I mean, -that's what I'm going for, but you know... - -00:52:27.743 --> 00:52:30.439 -Come on, dude. You more shredded -than a julienne salad, man. - -00:52:30.546 --> 00:52:32.036 -- Thanks. -- What's the secret, dude? - -00:52:32.148 --> 00:52:33.513 -- It's a diet. I'm just dieting. -- Really? - -00:52:33.616 --> 00:52:36.608 -'Cause I'm trying to come up a little, -but it's just... it's tough. - -00:52:36.719 --> 00:52:38.209 -- You look good. -- Any tips? - -00:52:38.320 --> 00:52:40.015 -- What? -- Any tips, you got? - -00:52:40.122 --> 00:52:41.248 -There's, like, the pineapple... - -00:52:41.357 --> 00:52:43.655 -- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! -- Hey! - -00:52:43.759 --> 00:52:45.351 -- Hey! -- All right, now! - -00:52:45.461 --> 00:52:47.895 -What it is, sikorski? -Tell us where we really at. - -00:52:47.997 --> 00:52:49.988 -That's fucking bullshit! -It's a chump move. - -00:52:50.025 --> 00:52:51.959 -We just getting a second opinion, doc. - -00:52:53.795 --> 00:52:55.057 -We're going the wrong way! - -00:52:55.163 --> 00:52:56.255 -- Damn! -- Son of a bitch. - -00:52:56.365 --> 00:53:00.825 -God! I think we were -supposed to be doing this, - -00:53:00.936 --> 00:53:03.837 -and instead we did this. - -00:53:03.939 --> 00:53:07.568 -Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit! - -00:53:07.676 --> 00:53:10.201 -Think you can get us back -to that drop zone, boy? - -00:53:11.146 --> 00:53:12.545 -This is not cool! - -00:53:15.250 --> 00:53:16.376 -Maybe. - -00:53:17.819 --> 00:53:19.309 -This is insane! - -00:53:20.589 --> 00:53:22.921 -Are you really going -to abandon this movie? - -00:53:23.725 --> 00:53:25.920 -We're supposed to be a unit! - -00:53:26.028 --> 00:53:27.552 -Suck my unit! - -00:53:28.430 --> 00:53:30.227 -All right, fine. - -00:53:30.332 --> 00:53:35.235 -- I'll finish it by myself. -- You go be all you can be, man. - -00:53:35.337 --> 00:53:37.328 -Tugg, you have no idea -where you're going! - -00:53:37.439 --> 00:53:39.236 -Yes, I do! - -00:53:39.341 --> 00:53:43.869 -I'm going to, "exterior, rain forest, dusk. - -00:53:43.979 --> 00:53:48.439 -"Smash cut to four leaf, who treks -alone through a frightening jungle." - -00:53:48.550 --> 00:53:50.484 -Suck on that unit, kirk! - -00:54:04.066 --> 00:54:07.058 -Come on, men. Let's get home. - -00:54:45.240 --> 00:54:49.904 -Hello, Mr. mantis. You're beautiful. - -00:54:52.180 --> 00:54:54.114 -Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo - -00:54:54.216 --> 00:54:55.945 -where Hollywood -was split into schisms, - -00:54:56.051 --> 00:54:59.452 -some studios backing blu-ray disc, -others backing hd DVD. - -00:54:59.554 --> 00:55:00.646 -People thought it would come down to - -00:55:00.755 --> 00:55:03.019 -pixel rate or refresh rate, -and they're pretty much the same. - -00:55:03.125 --> 00:55:06.925 -What it came down to was -a combination of gamers and porn. - -00:55:07.028 --> 00:55:08.757 -Now, whichever format porno backs - -00:55:08.864 --> 00:55:12.698 -is usually the one -that becomes the most successful. - -00:55:12.801 --> 00:55:15.793 -But, you know, Sony, -every playstation 3 has a blu-ray in it. - -00:55:15.904 --> 00:55:17.633 -You talking to me this whole time? - -00:55:18.373 --> 00:55:19.670 -I was talking to whoever -was listening to me. - -00:55:19.774 --> 00:55:21.241 -Jesus Christ, man! - -00:55:39.661 --> 00:55:41.720 -Booty sweat. - -00:55:47.769 --> 00:55:49.168 -Oh, God! - -00:55:51.406 --> 00:55:55.968 -It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold. - -00:55:56.077 --> 00:55:58.272 -You want my flak jacket? - -00:55:58.380 --> 00:56:02.248 -What, are you insane? It's boiling! -It's like a sweat lodge out here! - -00:56:02.350 --> 00:56:05.183 -Keep the volume down on that bitching, -flatch Adams. - -00:56:05.287 --> 00:56:07.187 -I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit! - -00:56:07.289 --> 00:56:09.257 -- How we doing? We making good time? -- We're making good time, - -00:56:09.357 --> 00:56:12.485 -but there's no way we make it -over that Ridge before sundown. - -00:56:12.594 --> 00:56:15.085 -All right, fellas, -we're gonna make camp, rest up! - -00:56:15.197 --> 00:56:17.495 -- Oh, God. -- Y'all might be in for a treat. - -00:56:17.599 --> 00:56:18.998 -You know, -back before the war broked out, - -00:56:19.100 --> 00:56:21.830 -I was a saucier in San antone. - -00:56:21.937 --> 00:56:24.565 -I bet I could collar up -some of them Greens. - -00:56:24.673 --> 00:56:28.973 -Yeah, noodle some crawfish -out the paddy, yo. - -00:56:29.077 --> 00:56:33.104 -And maybe some crab apples -for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah! - -00:56:34.449 --> 00:56:35.711 -Hell, yeah! - -00:56:35.817 --> 00:56:40.015 -That's how we all talk. -We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh. - -00:56:40.121 --> 00:56:45.354 -Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs. - -00:56:45.460 --> 00:56:50.329 -You're Australian! Be Australian! -Excuse me, kangaroo Jack. - -00:56:54.569 --> 00:56:56.969 -I get excited about my foods, man. - -00:58:22.590 --> 00:58:25.024 -Die! - -00:58:38.940 --> 00:58:41.033 -No! - -00:58:47.582 --> 00:58:51.882 -Dude, dude, what the hell -is going on here? Where are we? - -00:58:51.986 --> 00:58:54.386 -I have no idea. - -00:58:54.489 --> 00:58:57.049 -I've never been outside the states. - -00:58:57.158 --> 00:58:59.319 -Wait, what? -Are you fucking kidding me? - -00:58:59.427 --> 00:59:01.418 -Did you make this -whole goddamn thing up? - -00:59:01.529 --> 00:59:02.894 -Dude, were you -even in the fucking service? - -00:59:02.997 --> 00:59:05.659 -Yes. Of course. Coast guard. - -00:59:05.767 --> 00:59:07.667 -- Coast guard. -- Sanitation department. - -00:59:07.769 --> 00:59:10.465 -Oh, my God! -You're a fucking garbage man! - -00:59:10.572 --> 00:59:14.303 -Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me -and the whole goddamn U.S. of a. - -00:59:14.409 --> 00:59:17.071 -I wrote the book as a tribute! -I'm a patriot! - -00:59:17.178 --> 00:59:19.237 -Yeah, you're the milli vanilli -of patriots, okay? - -00:59:19.347 --> 00:59:21.042 -You lied -about fighting the Vietnam war. - -00:59:21.149 --> 00:59:24.414 -It's like punching the American flag -in the face, God damn it. - -00:59:24.519 --> 00:59:25.959 -God, and to think I believed in you! - -00:59:26.054 --> 00:59:28.420 -- I don't wanna be next to you. -- Writers lie all the time. - -00:59:28.523 --> 00:59:30.650 -Can I be tied to another post? Okay. - -00:59:51.968 --> 00:59:53.799 -- Rick? -- Tugg. - -00:59:53.903 --> 00:59:55.962 -I killed one, Rick. - -00:59:57.106 --> 00:59:59.506 -The thing I love most in the world. - -00:59:59.608 --> 01:00:01.439 -Vivica, get off the line now! - -01:00:03.746 --> 01:00:06.146 -A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker. - -01:00:06.248 --> 01:00:08.307 -Calm down. -Here's what you're gonna do. - -01:00:08.417 --> 01:00:09.617 -Get your hands on some bleach, - -01:00:09.685 --> 01:00:12.051 -some hydrogen peroxide -and a shitload of lime. - -01:00:12.154 --> 01:00:13.644 -No, a panda. - -01:00:13.756 --> 01:00:15.519 -I killed a panda. - -01:00:15.624 --> 01:00:17.421 -Amanda? Come on, dude. - -01:00:17.526 --> 01:00:19.551 -I mean, -that's probably not even her real name. - -01:00:19.662 --> 01:00:21.323 -No, a panda! - -01:00:21.430 --> 01:00:22.795 -A panda? - -01:00:22.898 --> 01:00:27.535 -A sweet, cuddly, -vicious little panda. - -01:00:27.670 --> 01:00:30.605 -Jesus Christ, tugg! -Man, don't scare me like that! - -01:00:30.706 --> 01:00:31.866 -It's beautiful here. - -01:00:31.974 --> 01:00:33.464 -You on the set? - -01:00:33.576 --> 01:00:34.838 -I am the set. - -01:00:34.944 --> 01:00:37.913 -All right, man. -Hey, how's the TiVo working out? - -01:00:38.014 --> 01:00:39.242 -Screw TiVo. - -01:00:39.348 --> 01:00:41.816 -I'm way beyond TiVo. - -01:00:41.917 --> 01:00:44.010 -Last I checked, -they hadn't hooked it up, though. - -01:00:44.120 --> 01:00:47.419 -Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo? - -01:00:47.523 --> 01:00:49.354 -It doesn't matter anymore. - -01:00:52.194 --> 01:00:53.661 -I've moved on. - -01:00:54.397 --> 01:00:56.126 -Where have you moved on to? - -01:00:56.232 --> 01:00:57.722 -Another agency? - -01:00:59.268 --> 01:01:00.792 -Who's with you? - -01:01:00.903 --> 01:01:03.064 -It's Nick Stevens, isn't it? -That little fucker. - -01:01:03.172 --> 01:01:07.268 -You are still my client, tugg speedman! -I am getting the TiVo! - -01:01:07.376 --> 01:01:09.571 -Jacket's on, I'm out the door! - -01:01:09.678 --> 01:01:10.736 -Tugg? - -01:01:14.050 --> 01:01:15.347 -Please don't fire me. - -01:01:16.218 --> 01:01:17.412 -I did it, I did it! - -01:01:17.520 --> 01:01:19.852 -Vivica, what do I have scheduled -this afternoon? - -01:01:19.955 --> 01:01:22.822 -- Two and a half men taping. -- Shit. - -01:01:23.826 --> 01:01:24.850 -Cancel it. - -01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:26.621 -And get me tugg's tropic thunder -contract. - -01:01:26.729 --> 01:01:29.857 -I'm going to Grossman's office, -I'm playing the card. - -01:01:29.965 --> 01:01:30.965 -Okay. - -01:01:34.537 --> 01:01:37.438 -Oh, mama. Thirsty. - -01:01:37.573 --> 01:01:39.632 -He doesn't look too good. - -01:01:39.742 --> 01:01:44.770 -Must drink, -so I can throw something up! - -01:01:44.880 --> 01:01:47.007 -No, no. Don't drink that water! -That water's like a petri dish! - -01:01:47.116 --> 01:01:48.208 -No, don't! - -01:01:48.317 --> 01:01:50.842 -Alpa, do you have any Booty sweat? - -01:01:50.953 --> 01:01:53.319 -Yeah, get him chugging on -some of alpa's ass water. - -01:01:53.422 --> 01:01:55.356 -That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all. - -01:01:55.458 --> 01:01:57.358 -Man, what you coming out -in movies for anyway? - -01:01:57.460 --> 01:01:59.121 -Did you need another revenue stream? - -01:01:59.228 --> 01:02:02.026 -For your information, -my revenue stream - -01:02:02.131 --> 01:02:04.463 -currently generates $2 million a year - -01:02:04.567 --> 01:02:06.501 -in charitable contributions -for my community. - -01:02:06.602 --> 01:02:08.934 -- Hot damn. -- And why am I in this movie? - -01:02:09.038 --> 01:02:11.370 -Maybe I just knew I had to represent, - -01:02:11.474 --> 01:02:13.271 -because they had one good part -in it for a black man - -01:02:13.375 --> 01:02:15.434 -and they gave it to crocodile dundee. - -01:02:17.046 --> 01:02:20.607 -Pump your brakes, kid. -That man is a national treasure. - -01:02:20.716 --> 01:02:22.843 -I just wanted to throw another shrimp -on your Barbie. - -01:02:22.952 --> 01:02:24.078 -That shit ain't funny. - -01:02:24.186 --> 01:02:26.882 -Hey, fellas! It's hot! -We're tired! It stinks! - -01:02:26.989 --> 01:02:28.590 -I'm just fucking with you, -kangaroo Jack! - -01:02:28.657 --> 01:02:30.386 -I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby. - -01:02:30.493 --> 01:02:32.961 -You know that's a true story? -Lady lost her kid. - -01:02:33.062 --> 01:02:35.724 -- You about to cross some fucking lines. -- Guys, relax and stuff. - -01:02:35.831 --> 01:02:36.889 -You know what? Fuck that, man! - -01:02:36.999 --> 01:02:39.661 -I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger -telling me... - -01:02:44.406 --> 01:02:45.964 -For 400 years, - -01:02:47.009 --> 01:02:49.910 -that word has kept us down. - -01:02:50.980 --> 01:02:52.607 -What the fuck? - -01:02:52.715 --> 01:02:56.481 -It took a whole lot of trying -just to get up that hill. - -01:02:56.585 --> 01:02:59.486 -Now we up in the big leagues, - -01:02:59.588 --> 01:03:01.351 -getting our turn at bat. - -01:03:01.457 --> 01:03:04.119 -Long as we live, it's you and me, baby. - -01:03:04.793 --> 01:03:08.126 -That's the theme song for -the jeffersons. You really need help. - -01:03:08.230 --> 01:03:11.358 -Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, -don't make it not true. - -01:03:11.467 --> 01:03:13.401 -You know what? -I'm gonna tell you what's true. - -01:03:13.502 --> 01:03:16.938 -I'm gonna tag you back. -You better believe that, baby. - -01:03:17.039 --> 01:03:19.633 -Guys! Hey, guys! - -01:03:20.242 --> 01:03:22.710 -Jeff, stay away from that animal. - -01:03:25.080 --> 01:03:27.913 -I'm gonna bite his hide. I need... - -01:03:28.951 --> 01:03:32.216 -I need to wear his stomach skin -like a unitard. - -01:03:33.189 --> 01:03:36.488 -Ain't nobody doing nothing -to no one or body! - -01:03:36.592 --> 01:03:41.461 -Now, if Mr. portnoy is feeling -a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk, - -01:03:41.564 --> 01:03:43.623 -put him up on that cloven-hoof animal! - -01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:46.297 -We got ground to cover! - -01:04:15.297 --> 01:04:18.562 -All right, pow camp, scene 67. - -01:04:19.468 --> 01:04:21.197 -Bring it on, cockburn! - -01:04:29.278 --> 01:04:31.712 -Maybe he's not, you know, -Ridley Scott or something, - -01:04:31.814 --> 01:04:33.611 -but I think renny harlin's -a tremendous filmmaker - -01:04:33.716 --> 01:04:36.514 -like, adventures of Ford fairlane, -you know, - -01:04:36.619 --> 01:04:40.248 -as far as an Andrew Dice Clay -vehicle goes, it's pretty decent. - -01:04:40.356 --> 01:04:42.790 -And cliffhanger. -Cliffhanger's incredible. - -01:04:42.891 --> 01:04:46.349 -As far as the whole like, -man against nature type of movies go, - -01:04:46.462 --> 01:04:48.623 -it's absolutely amazing. - -01:04:48.731 --> 01:04:50.631 -Shut the fuck up! - -01:04:55.271 --> 01:04:56.932 -Who send you here? - -01:04:57.039 --> 01:05:01.669 -Tayback, John, sergeant, -United States army. - -01:05:02.411 --> 01:05:07.815 -Serial number 694529987. - -01:05:11.620 --> 01:05:14.612 -Perhaps some hot tea -will make conversing - -01:05:14.723 --> 01:05:16.486 -a little easier. - -01:05:20.262 --> 01:05:22.355 -My leader's not quite as cordial. - -01:05:25.834 --> 01:05:28.701 -Look, what? I just thought you might -like some hot tea - -01:05:28.804 --> 01:05:32.331 -- in order to calm your nerves. -- Tayback, John, sergeant, - -01:05:32.474 --> 01:05:37.434 -United States army, 694529987. - -01:05:38.280 --> 01:05:43.809 -And here's a little message -from my Uncle Sam. - -01:05:49.458 --> 01:05:51.824 -Dude, you all right? - -01:05:51.927 --> 01:05:53.360 -Man you totally leaned into that. - -01:05:53.462 --> 01:05:56.522 -I was pulling it back -and you just came in too... - -01:05:56.632 --> 01:05:58.827 -Hey, it was an accident, man. - -01:06:01.370 --> 01:06:03.304 -Come on, good. -You want to keep going? - -01:06:03.405 --> 01:06:04.997 -- Let's go. -- Get up. - -01:06:05.107 --> 01:06:06.699 -I rather rot in your v.C. Jail! - -01:06:06.809 --> 01:06:10.677 -I'll never bend to your will! -You scum! You scum! - -01:06:10.779 --> 01:06:12.804 -Now say this -and go to the beginning again, - -01:06:12.915 --> 01:06:14.678 -let's do the tea part, okay? - -01:06:16.218 --> 01:06:17.651 -Dude, I hope you're not pissed. - -01:06:17.986 --> 01:06:19.783 -I see moss on both sides of that tree. - -01:06:19.888 --> 01:06:23.016 -Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't -the only one at boot camp... - -01:06:23.125 --> 01:06:25.025 -My belly really hurts, you guys! - -01:06:25.127 --> 01:06:27.322 -I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous. - -01:06:27.429 --> 01:06:29.670 -Let me off, I gotta puke! -I don't wanna die like hendrix! - -01:06:29.765 --> 01:06:31.426 -All right. All right. - -01:06:36.004 --> 01:06:37.995 -Are you okay, Jeff? - -01:06:38.107 --> 01:06:39.472 -I'm awesome. - -01:06:41.877 --> 01:06:43.344 -Holy shit! - -01:06:47.883 --> 01:06:50.044 -Okay. Everyone, down, down, down. - -01:06:54.757 --> 01:06:56.247 -Man. Now I'm tripping. - -01:06:56.358 --> 01:06:58.986 -That looks like the pow camp -from out the script, yo. - -01:06:59.862 --> 01:07:01.557 -Speedman was right? - -01:07:01.663 --> 01:07:03.028 -I don't think so. - -01:07:03.132 --> 01:07:05.362 -Look at the cooking vats, -the armed guards. - -01:07:06.969 --> 01:07:09.062 -Looks like a heroin processing plant. - -01:07:10.172 --> 01:07:11.298 -We were in that chopper for hours. - -01:07:11.407 --> 01:07:13.671 -I don't even think -we're in Vietnam anymore. - -01:07:13.776 --> 01:07:16.210 -- Fuck. -- Shit. We ain't even in 'nam? - -01:07:16.311 --> 01:07:19.075 -No, most likely Myanmar or Laos. - -01:07:19.181 --> 01:07:20.739 -What the fuck is Laos? - -01:07:20.849 --> 01:07:22.009 -It's the golden triangle. - -01:07:22.117 --> 01:07:24.085 -Oh, fuck. We're dead. - -01:07:24.186 --> 01:07:26.154 -No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV. - -01:07:26.255 --> 01:07:30.282 -Fucking boats, airplanes, -ufos and shit, they all just vanish! - -01:07:30.392 --> 01:07:32.917 -Yo, that's the Bermuda triangle, -dumbass. - -01:07:33.028 --> 01:07:35.394 -This is the golden triangle. - -01:07:35.497 --> 01:07:37.098 -It's the world's hard drug superhighway. - -01:07:37.166 --> 01:07:38.463 -How do you know that? - -01:07:38.567 --> 01:07:41.297 -It was a really long trip. -I read the in-flight magazine. - -01:07:43.105 --> 01:07:44.402 -Cut! - -01:07:44.506 --> 01:07:45.973 -Oh, Jesus! - -01:07:46.074 --> 01:07:48.565 -What do you see, man? I'm blocked. - -01:07:48.677 --> 01:07:50.042 -Damien, cut! - -01:07:51.814 --> 01:07:53.406 -Hey, Damien, cut! - -01:07:54.249 --> 01:07:55.910 -They got speedman. - -01:07:56.485 --> 01:07:57.918 -And it doesn't look good. - -01:08:30.586 --> 01:08:31.883 -I am tran. - -01:08:32.855 --> 01:08:35.016 -You are a trespasser in my poppy fields. - -01:08:36.425 --> 01:08:39.053 -You are d.E.A. Scum! - -01:08:40.996 --> 01:08:44.432 -Were there some re-writes -that I missed? - -01:08:50.739 --> 01:08:52.229 -Do you want to die? - -01:08:53.008 --> 01:08:54.475 -- Do you? -- No! - -01:08:54.576 --> 01:08:58.706 -Please, don't hurt me! - -01:09:06.588 --> 01:09:07.782 -Say that again. - -01:09:08.790 --> 01:09:10.587 -Please, don't hurt me. - -01:09:10.692 --> 01:09:13.786 -No! Like you did before! Say it! - -01:09:14.763 --> 01:09:15.763 -Say it! - -01:09:15.864 --> 01:09:19.857 -Please, don't hurt me! - -01:09:35.484 --> 01:09:38.078 -- What? -- You are simple Jack. - -01:09:41.056 --> 01:09:42.921 -You saw simple Jack? - -01:09:43.025 --> 01:09:45.357 -We love the tale of this man, -simple Jack. - -01:09:47.062 --> 01:09:48.893 -We do not have many luxury here. - -01:09:48.997 --> 01:09:51.431 -And simple Jack is the only movie -we possess. - -01:09:51.533 --> 01:09:55.367 -You got the vhs. - -01:09:55.470 --> 01:09:57.529 -We've watched it many, many times. - -01:09:57.639 --> 01:10:00.107 -You should've got Oscar. - -01:10:03.145 --> 01:10:04.908 -Well, you know. It's... - -01:10:06.181 --> 01:10:08.777 -Just to be nominated... -You were nominated? - -01:10:08.884 --> 01:10:10.408 -No, no, no. I wasn't nominated. - -01:10:10.519 --> 01:10:13.682 -I'm just saying that to have been -nominated would have been nice. - -01:10:13.789 --> 01:10:16.189 -It's just... it's very political. -You have to take out ads... - -01:10:16.258 --> 01:10:18.749 -- Shut up now! -- Okay. Okay. - -01:10:19.595 --> 01:10:21.324 -So, are you going to - -01:10:22.965 --> 01:10:24.592 -let me go, or... - -01:10:24.700 --> 01:10:26.827 -No. We'll hold you for ransom. - -01:10:26.935 --> 01:10:28.732 -Much more money now! - -01:10:40.315 --> 01:10:41.315 -He's in a meeting. - -01:10:41.416 --> 01:10:44.180 -Yeah, I know. -In about two seconds with the pecker. - -01:10:45.220 --> 01:10:47.085 -I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off. - -01:10:47.189 --> 01:10:49.851 -You wanna talk about trouble? -That's trouble. - -01:10:49.958 --> 01:10:51.516 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - -01:10:53.428 --> 01:10:55.328 -What do you need, peck? - -01:10:55.430 --> 01:10:58.058 -No, more like what do you need, les? - -01:10:58.166 --> 01:10:59.360 -Glasses? - -01:11:00.435 --> 01:11:01.493 -What? - -01:11:01.603 --> 01:11:04.094 -So you can read -the tropic thunder contract - -01:11:04.206 --> 01:11:06.606 -that guarantees my client, -tugg speedman, - -01:11:06.708 --> 01:11:10.439 -some form of digital video recorder -on location. - -01:11:11.213 --> 01:11:13.340 -- Huh? -- I can't believe you let him in. - -01:11:14.983 --> 01:11:17.816 -Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, -so why don't you get the hell out of here - -01:11:17.919 --> 01:11:20.979 -before I snap your dick off -and jam it into your ass? - -01:11:21.089 --> 01:11:23.114 -No, not you, Helen. - -01:11:23.225 --> 01:11:26.922 -But I will rip your tits off -if you don't get me those theaters. - -01:11:27.029 --> 01:11:28.553 -Perfect. - -01:11:28.664 --> 01:11:31.098 -Hey, tuggernuts, -I've got you on speakerphone. - -01:11:31.199 --> 01:11:33.064 -I'm standing here with les Grossman, - -01:11:33.168 --> 01:11:36.331 -and he is dying to tell you -why he's apparently wiped his ass - -01:11:36.438 --> 01:11:38.736 -with the TiVo clause from your contract. - -01:11:39.941 --> 01:11:41.932 -We are flaming dragon. - -01:11:42.044 --> 01:11:44.410 -Speedman is with us now. - -01:11:44.513 --> 01:11:48.074 -For 50 million, you will get him back. - -01:11:48.183 --> 01:11:50.344 -- Are you gonna get those... -- Who is this? - -01:11:50.452 --> 01:11:53.148 -- And how did you get this phone? -- We are flaming dragon! - -01:11:53.255 --> 01:11:55.155 -Simple Jack belong to us now. - -01:11:57.893 --> 01:11:59.918 -He does, does he? - -01:12:00.028 --> 01:12:02.496 -Let me tell you something, shitbird. - -01:12:02.597 --> 01:12:05.031 -I've never even heard -of your little agency. - -01:12:05.133 --> 01:12:07.101 -But if you think -you can poach my client... - -01:12:07.202 --> 01:12:11.730 -Send $50 million, or you no see -simple Jack again because we kill him. - -01:12:11.840 --> 01:12:13.330 -This is les Grossman. Who is this? - -01:12:13.442 --> 01:12:15.740 -This is flaming dragon! - -01:12:15.844 --> 01:12:18.608 -Okay. Flaming dragon. Fuckface. - -01:12:18.714 --> 01:12:23.549 -First, take a big step back -and literally fuck your own face! - -01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:27.650 -Now, I don't know what kind of -pan-pacific bullshit power play - -01:12:27.756 --> 01:12:30.224 -you're trying to pull here, -but Asia, Jack, is my territory. - -01:12:30.325 --> 01:12:31.622 -So whatever you're thinking, -you better think again. - -01:12:31.727 --> 01:12:33.092 -Otherwise, I'm gonna -have to head down there, - -01:12:33.195 --> 01:12:36.562 -and I will rain down an ungodly -fucking firestorm upon you. - -01:12:36.665 --> 01:12:38.292 -You're gonna have to call -the fucking united nations - -01:12:38.400 --> 01:12:42.427 -and get a fucking binding resolution -to keep me from fucking destroying you. - -01:12:42.537 --> 01:12:45.131 -I am talking scorched earth, -motherfucker! - -01:12:45.240 --> 01:12:47.003 -I will massacre you! - -01:12:47.109 --> 01:12:49.043 -I will fuck you up! - -01:12:56.852 --> 01:12:58.892 -- Could you find out who that was? Go. -- Yeah. Yeah. - -01:13:34.022 --> 01:13:37.014 -You wear these. -More like simple Jack teeth. - -01:13:37.125 --> 01:13:38.854 -Okay. - -01:13:38.960 --> 01:13:41.622 -Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, -and that's great... - -01:13:44.699 --> 01:13:46.326 -Put teeth in! - -01:13:53.441 --> 01:13:55.306 -Now do movie. - -01:13:55.410 --> 01:13:57.071 -The whole movie? - -01:13:57.179 --> 01:13:58.840 -I can't. I don't know the whole... - -01:13:58.947 --> 01:14:01.438 -You perform! You perform or die! - -01:14:02.184 --> 01:14:03.674 -Monkey swine! - -01:14:06.588 --> 01:14:07.987 -Pa. - -01:14:09.958 --> 01:14:11.323 -More stupid! - -01:14:13.094 --> 01:14:18.157 -Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad? - -01:14:20.602 --> 01:14:21.933 -You saw what I saw. - -01:14:22.037 --> 01:14:24.631 -Tugg speedman is dead meat -if we don't do something soon. - -01:14:24.739 --> 01:14:27.105 -Yeah. We could do something -by getting our asses back to the hotel, - -01:14:27.209 --> 01:14:28.540 -which is in the other direction! - -01:14:28.643 --> 01:14:30.235 -Ain't right. - -01:14:30.345 --> 01:14:32.370 -What would've happened -in the great escape - -01:14:32.480 --> 01:14:36.314 -if Steve McQueen and them dudes -had turned tail and ran? - -01:14:36.418 --> 01:14:40.411 -Well, that's what that movie was about. -They were escaping. They ran away. - -01:14:40.522 --> 01:14:43.150 -I'm trying to agree with you. -The point is they did something. - -01:14:43.258 --> 01:14:44.452 -Then what are we supposed to do, huh? - -01:14:44.559 --> 01:14:48.461 -'Cause he's cleaning a gun -with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan. - -01:14:48.563 --> 01:14:52.693 -I'm just like a little boy, -playing with his dick when he's nervous. - -01:14:55.904 --> 01:14:58.395 -Wait a minute. Wait a minute. -Wait a minute. - -01:14:58.506 --> 01:15:01.566 -I got an idea. -This might be a little crazy. - -01:15:01.676 --> 01:15:03.644 -Crazy's better than nothing. - -01:15:03.745 --> 01:15:07.704 -Back in '98, I did a low-budget -titty comedy for skinemax. - -01:15:07.816 --> 01:15:11.149 -- Sex camp. Remember it? -- Yeah. - -01:15:11.253 --> 01:15:15.212 -Anyway, me and the campers -from the uncool camp - -01:15:15.323 --> 01:15:17.848 -had to break into the rich girl camp. - -01:15:17.959 --> 01:15:19.654 -So, what we did, - -01:15:19.761 --> 01:15:22.753 -we built a catapult -out of logs and underwear, - -01:15:22.864 --> 01:15:26.425 -and they shot us over the wall, -and we parachuted down. - -01:15:32.040 --> 01:15:35.567 -Look, you guys, we -already know the plan. - -01:15:35.677 --> 01:15:37.645 -Are you fucking kidding me? -I'm giving you gold. - -01:15:37.746 --> 01:15:42.115 -We do it just like in the book, -chapter 26, the wet offensive. - -01:15:42.217 --> 01:15:44.617 -The book of tropic thunder. - -01:15:44.719 --> 01:15:46.949 -Yeah, did you guys read the book? - -01:15:48.256 --> 01:15:50.884 -The flap, I read the back flap -and saw the pictures. - -01:15:51.660 --> 01:15:54.788 -Well, it's okay. -It's exactly the same as in the script. - -01:15:54.896 --> 01:15:55.954 -Cool. - -01:15:57.933 --> 01:16:00.493 -You guys all read the script, right? - -01:16:00.602 --> 01:16:02.695 -I don't read the script, script reads me. - -01:16:03.872 --> 01:16:05.339 -What the hell does that even mean? - -01:16:05.440 --> 01:16:08.807 -What you getting at with the books, -scripts? Spit that shit out, man! - -01:16:12.147 --> 01:16:13.978 -All right. The wet offensive. - -01:16:15.016 --> 01:16:17.918 -Osiris and fats go undercover -as a diversion. - -01:16:18.019 --> 01:16:20.351 -Motown and Brooklyn sneak in -via the river. - -01:16:20.455 --> 01:16:22.855 -Yeah. But those dudes -was trained soldiers. - -01:16:24.726 --> 01:16:25.784 -Yeah! - -01:16:26.861 --> 01:16:29.853 -And we trained actors, motherfucker. - -01:16:29.965 --> 01:16:34.299 -Time to man up. -And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. - -01:16:34.402 --> 01:16:37.166 -Some of us -might not even make it back. - -01:16:37.272 --> 01:16:40.366 -What do you mean? -Like not on the same flight? - -01:16:43.078 --> 01:16:45.842 -Alpa and I's already wearing -earth mama's natural night camo. - -01:16:45.947 --> 01:16:47.778 -- Cool it, Benson. -- Sorry. - -01:16:48.850 --> 01:16:53.378 -We gonna scout, get a plan together. -We ain't back in 20, come looking. - -01:16:54.889 --> 01:16:56.754 -We are flaming dragon. - -01:17:00.495 --> 01:17:01.689 -Okay. - -01:17:02.998 --> 01:17:06.092 -Flaming dragon's -a heroin manufacturer. - -01:17:06.201 --> 01:17:09.295 -They're responsible -for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia. - -01:17:09.404 --> 01:17:12.635 -- Huge profit margin. -- Guys! - -01:17:12.741 --> 01:17:15.676 -Would somebody please let me know -what the game plan is? - -01:17:15.777 --> 01:17:17.506 -Peck! We have it handled. - -01:17:17.612 --> 01:17:20.103 -Please, don't interrupt. -Everything's under control. - -01:17:20.215 --> 01:17:22.206 -I got it. Got it. - -01:17:34.329 --> 01:17:36.559 -- Les Grossman. -- We not get money yet. - -01:17:37.098 --> 01:17:39.225 -Price now 100 million! - -01:17:39.334 --> 01:17:42.167 -You pay now, -or tomorrow simple Jack die. - -01:17:42.270 --> 01:17:45.330 -Great. Let me get this down. - -01:17:45.440 --> 01:17:46.873 -100 million. - -01:17:46.975 --> 01:17:49.443 -Wait! I got a better idea. - -01:17:50.245 --> 01:17:52.076 -Instead of 100 million, - -01:17:52.180 --> 01:17:55.047 -how about I send you -a hobo's dick cheese? - -01:17:55.150 --> 01:17:57.470 -Then you kill him! Do your thing! -Skin the fucking bastard! - -01:17:57.552 --> 01:17:59.747 -Go to town, man! Go to town! - -01:17:59.854 --> 01:18:02.015 -- No... -- In the meantime, and as usual, - -01:18:02.123 --> 01:18:03.784 -go fuck yourself! - -01:18:04.893 --> 01:18:07.453 -- No. -- We don't negotiate with terrorists. - -01:18:09.564 --> 01:18:12.294 -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! -Hey, hey, are you insane? - -01:18:12.400 --> 01:18:14.231 -- I think I could've done that better. -- I thought it was good. - -01:18:14.335 --> 01:18:16.200 -They're gonna kill him! - -01:18:19.274 --> 01:18:20.332 -And? - -01:18:22.677 --> 01:18:23.803 -"And?" - -01:18:25.180 --> 01:18:29.207 -It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens. - -01:18:31.519 --> 01:18:34.716 -We'll weep for him, in the press. - -01:18:34.856 --> 01:18:37.518 -Set up a scholarship in his name. - -01:18:37.625 --> 01:18:41.561 -Eventually, and I'm talking way, -way down the road, - -01:18:41.663 --> 01:18:43.153 -we file an insurance claim. - -01:18:43.264 --> 01:18:46.062 -Preferably before -the end of the fiscal year. - -01:18:46.167 --> 01:18:49.898 -Actually, the claim alone would net us -more than the movie would lose. - -01:18:52.006 --> 01:18:53.769 -You can't be serious. - -01:18:55.009 --> 01:18:56.567 -You kick in the door to my house, - -01:18:56.678 --> 01:19:02.139 -all ants in your pants, -sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap - -01:19:02.250 --> 01:19:06.846 -for the third runner-up -sexiest man alive 1998, - -01:19:06.955 --> 01:19:09.321 -and you're asking if I'm serious? - -01:19:13.194 --> 01:19:14.889 -Let's face it. - -01:19:14.996 --> 01:19:19.023 -The kids aren't dressing up as scorcher -for purim anymore. - -01:19:20.435 --> 01:19:23.427 -Speedman is a dying star, - -01:19:23.538 --> 01:19:26.769 -a white dwarf heading for a black hole. - -01:19:26.875 --> 01:19:29.605 -That's physics. It's inevitable. - -01:19:29.711 --> 01:19:33.044 -We've been handed -an incredible opportunity here, peck. - -01:19:33.148 --> 01:19:36.982 -The universe is talking to us right now. - -01:19:37.085 --> 01:19:38.643 -You just gotta listen. - -01:19:51.766 --> 01:19:55.361 -See, this is the good part, pecker. -This is when the job gets fun. - -01:19:55.470 --> 01:19:56.562 -Yeah. - -01:19:56.671 --> 01:19:59.834 -Ask and you shall receive. - -01:20:00.875 --> 01:20:05.005 -- All right. -- You play ball, we play ball. - -01:20:05.113 --> 01:20:08.480 -I know you want the goodies. - -01:20:08.583 --> 01:20:10.574 -Welcome to the goody room. - -01:20:10.685 --> 01:20:15.315 -You paying attention? -'Cause I'm talking g5 for the pecker. - -01:20:15.423 --> 01:20:16.685 -That's how you're gonna roll. - -01:20:16.791 --> 01:20:20.750 -No more frequent flier -bitch Miles for my boy. - -01:20:20.862 --> 01:20:22.159 -Yeah! - -01:20:22.664 --> 01:20:23.926 -Playa. - -01:20:24.799 --> 01:20:26.130 -Playa! - -01:20:27.168 --> 01:20:28.465 -Big dick playa. - -01:20:28.570 --> 01:20:30.561 -Swinging past your knees! - -01:20:30.672 --> 01:20:31.696 -Big dick, baby. - -01:20:31.806 --> 01:20:33.000 -Yep. - -01:20:36.344 --> 01:20:38.938 -Or you can grow a conscience - -01:20:39.047 --> 01:20:41.413 -in the next five minutes -and see where that takes you. - -01:20:46.387 --> 01:20:48.480 -Let me get this straight. - -01:20:48.590 --> 01:20:52.219 -You want me -to let my client of 15 years, - -01:20:52.327 --> 01:20:53.692 -one of my best friends, - -01:20:53.795 --> 01:20:58.425 -die in the jungle, alone, -for some money and a g5? - -01:20:59.567 --> 01:21:00.693 -Yes. - -01:21:05.773 --> 01:21:08.037 -A g5 airplane? - -01:21:10.144 --> 01:21:11.202 -Yes. - -01:21:12.280 --> 01:21:14.976 -And lots of money. - -01:21:16.351 --> 01:21:18.512 -Playa. - -01:21:21.422 --> 01:21:22.616 -Yeah! - -01:21:23.858 --> 01:21:26.452 -Smack it up, flip it, rub it down! - -01:21:29.030 --> 01:21:31.692 -But mama take care of Jack a lot. - -01:21:32.533 --> 01:21:36.264 -How many more sleeps -before she wakes up again? - -01:21:36.371 --> 01:21:37.895 -Sorry, Jack. - -01:21:38.006 --> 01:21:40.270 -She in heaven now. - -01:21:41.042 --> 01:21:44.307 -Damn! I thought the movie was bad. - -01:21:44.412 --> 01:21:47.540 -She sleep forever. - -01:21:47.649 --> 01:21:50.777 -To the man's credit, he's actually -eased up on the retard throttle. - -01:21:50.885 --> 01:21:54.480 -And now that's added a balance, -and the audience can connect. - -01:21:54.589 --> 01:21:58.389 -I mean, this is theater 101, -but, you know, he's had a tough road. - -01:21:58.493 --> 01:21:59.619 -He'll become a naturalist. - -01:21:59.727 --> 01:22:01.447 -- Yeah. -- Break down the aesthetic distance, - -01:22:01.529 --> 01:22:03.258 -then the... - -01:22:05.933 --> 01:22:07.560 -Told you I'd tag you back. - -01:22:10.238 --> 01:22:12.502 -Can I tell you that I'm sorry - -01:22:12.607 --> 01:22:14.905 -for any offense I might've caused, man? - -01:22:15.009 --> 01:22:17.375 -- I just got caught up in... -- In being a dumbass? - -01:22:17.478 --> 01:22:18.877 -I guess so. - -01:22:18.980 --> 01:22:21.676 -Why you still doing this -chicken George shit, I have no idea. - -01:22:21.783 --> 01:22:23.080 -- Neither do I. -- It's beyond me. - -01:22:23.184 --> 01:22:25.379 -- It's beyond me. -- You confused. - -01:22:25.486 --> 01:22:27.420 -- I am a little confused. -- I know. - -01:22:29.023 --> 01:22:30.820 -But are we cool? - -01:22:30.925 --> 01:22:32.256 -Not really. - -01:22:36.064 --> 01:22:37.656 -Hey, man. - -01:22:37.765 --> 01:22:39.460 -- How's it going? -- Good. Yourself? - -01:22:39.567 --> 01:22:41.592 -Hey, so, if it's no big deal, - -01:22:41.703 --> 01:22:44.570 -I think I'm just gonna hang back here -for the mission. - -01:22:44.672 --> 01:22:46.299 -Watch the stuff. - -01:22:46.407 --> 01:22:48.432 -- Is that cool? -- What? No! - -01:22:48.543 --> 01:22:50.443 -We need you, Jeff. - -01:22:50.545 --> 01:22:52.137 -What are you talking about? - -01:22:52.246 --> 01:22:53.804 -Okay, look, man. - -01:22:55.049 --> 01:22:57.347 -- I got something to tell you. -- Okay. - -01:22:59.587 --> 01:23:02.317 -You know those jellybeans -I was eating? - -01:23:02.423 --> 01:23:05.517 -Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay? - -01:23:06.427 --> 01:23:09.225 -- They were drugs. -- Really? - -01:23:09.330 --> 01:23:13.699 -I get down there near the mother lode, -I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man. - -01:23:13.801 --> 01:23:16.736 -I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin -in the fucking world. - -01:23:20.041 --> 01:23:24.205 -If you guys wanna make it through -this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree. - -01:23:25.580 --> 01:23:29.346 -- Are you serious? -- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree. - -01:23:29.450 --> 01:23:32.330 -And you can, no matter what, you can't -fucking untie me until it is done, - -01:23:32.420 --> 01:23:33.978 -until it is out of my system. - -01:23:34.088 --> 01:23:35.715 -I'm gonna say, -"hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool. - -01:23:35.823 --> 01:23:37.381 -"I'm finally better. I'm finally better. -Untie me." - -01:23:37.492 --> 01:23:40.689 -Don't listen to me! -Anything I fucking say is a lie! - -01:23:40.795 --> 01:23:42.126 -You got it! - -01:23:42.797 --> 01:23:44.856 -Goodbye, mama! - -01:23:44.966 --> 01:23:48.094 -Now you can have ice cream in heaven. - -01:23:48.202 --> 01:23:53.162 -I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed, -in my head movies. - -01:23:54.108 --> 01:23:58.704 -But this head movie -makes my eyes rain. - -01:24:07.755 --> 01:24:10.986 -Dang. -Short-bus is taking some real hits. - -01:24:12.860 --> 01:24:15.658 -- They got him on the move! -- That's torture, man. - -01:24:15.797 --> 01:24:18.664 -Okay. That's where they keeping him. - -01:24:18.766 --> 01:24:20.961 -I gotta get cracking on my costume. - -01:24:21.068 --> 01:24:22.467 -Say, are you good -with a needle and thread? - -01:24:22.570 --> 01:24:23.594 -Hell, yeah. - -01:24:23.704 --> 01:24:27.037 -Alpa chino chinos sold more than -five million pairs last spring at the gap. - -01:24:27.141 --> 01:24:29.837 -- I sewed them patterns myself, baby. -- Let's roll out. - -01:25:01.843 --> 01:25:04.073 -It's a little twig man Oscar. - -01:25:10.685 --> 01:25:13.085 -I'm going to call you half squat. - -01:25:14.789 --> 01:25:16.757 -And you can call me - -01:25:17.825 --> 01:25:19.122 -papa. - -01:25:42.617 --> 01:25:44.346 -Wow, look at all those stars. - -01:25:46.320 --> 01:25:48.288 -Really makes a guy feel pretty small. - -01:25:49.824 --> 01:25:52.384 -This could be the last time -we look at these stars. - -01:25:53.361 --> 01:25:54.828 -Man, that's beauty. - -01:25:56.764 --> 01:25:59.824 -Nights like tonight -make a man wonder what it's all about. - -01:25:59.934 --> 01:26:02.232 -Hey, you guys. -Anybody got some bug spray? - -01:26:04.071 --> 01:26:05.197 -Don't ignore me! - -01:26:05.306 --> 01:26:08.173 -Stick it out, man. -We're gonna get through this. - -01:26:09.310 --> 01:26:11.369 -- Hey, kirk? -- Yeah? - -01:26:11.479 --> 01:26:14.312 -Are you still dating -Jennifer love Hewitt? - -01:26:14.415 --> 01:26:15.814 -'Cause I think she's hot. - -01:26:15.917 --> 01:26:19.284 -No, that was just some -tabloid conjecture. - -01:26:19.387 --> 01:26:23.380 -Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. -You can untie me now. - -01:26:24.458 --> 01:26:25.789 -Funny, huh? - -01:26:25.893 --> 01:26:28.794 -The circus life 280 days a year -on location. - -01:26:30.031 --> 01:26:32.932 -It's hard to find a girl -that can hang with that, you know? - -01:26:34.735 --> 01:26:36.794 -Not one worth keeping, nohow. - -01:26:36.904 --> 01:26:39.202 -Hey, radar? Evans? - -01:26:39.307 --> 01:26:40.365 -No, it's Kevin. - -01:26:40.474 --> 01:26:42.203 -Kev, whatever the fuck. -Come over here. - -01:26:42.310 --> 01:26:44.540 -I didn't tell you, but fatties: Fart three -is coming down the pike, - -01:26:44.645 --> 01:26:48.137 -and there's a role in there for you -if you come over and untie me. - -01:26:48.249 --> 01:26:50.809 -Jeff, you're just going to -have to tough it out. - -01:26:50.918 --> 01:26:52.886 -Your mother's a cankerous whore! - -01:26:52.987 --> 01:26:54.318 -Jesus, man. - -01:26:55.356 --> 01:26:56.823 -Hey, man. - -01:26:56.924 --> 01:26:59.825 -Remember way back when I said -your mother was a cankerous whore? - -01:26:59.927 --> 01:27:03.328 -I'm sorry, man. -I did not mean that. She's not. - -01:27:03.431 --> 01:27:05.126 -How about you, man? - -01:27:05.266 --> 01:27:07.700 -You got some little minx waiting for you -on the other side of tomorrow? - -01:27:07.802 --> 01:27:09.269 -Me? - -01:27:09.370 --> 01:27:12.134 -I've barely even had a girlfriend, and... - -01:27:12.974 --> 01:27:16.637 -I was really hoping I'd get laid -when this movie came out, - -01:27:16.744 --> 01:27:19.144 -but that's not gonna happen. - -01:27:20.014 --> 01:27:21.481 -What about you, masterblaster? - -01:27:21.582 --> 01:27:24.263 -You got a certain someone you trying -to get with back in the states? - -01:27:24.318 --> 01:27:29.051 -What, alpa chino? -He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7. - -01:27:29.156 --> 01:27:30.384 -No. You missing me, man. - -01:27:30.491 --> 01:27:32.288 -I'm talking about something special. -Big difference. - -01:27:32.393 --> 01:27:33.587 -How about it? - -01:27:34.362 --> 01:27:35.488 -Yeah. - -01:27:36.897 --> 01:27:38.865 -Yeah, there is. - -01:27:38.966 --> 01:27:42.299 -Well? What's the skinny? -Y'all been on a date or what? - -01:27:42.403 --> 01:27:44.303 -No. I mean... - -01:27:44.405 --> 01:27:49.240 -I always wanted to, but I guess -I just never had the courage to ask. - -01:27:49.343 --> 01:27:51.038 -It's... it's complicated. - -01:27:51.145 --> 01:27:53.579 -No! It's simple as pie, man. - -01:27:53.681 --> 01:27:56.275 -You plant your feet in the ground, you -look her square in the eyes, you say, - -01:27:56.384 --> 01:28:00.013 -"hey, baby, you and me's going -on a date." That's the end of story. - -01:28:00.121 --> 01:28:02.817 -- What's her name? -- Lance. - -01:28:02.923 --> 01:28:04.686 -"Listen here, Lance..." - -01:28:05.559 --> 01:28:09.359 -Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? -Lance? - -01:28:09.463 --> 01:28:11.192 -- Did you say "Lance"? -- No! - -01:28:11.298 --> 01:28:13.258 -- That sounded like "Lance." -- No, I said "Nance." - -01:28:13.334 --> 01:28:15.575 -- That's what I said, "Nance." -- It sounded like "Lance." - -01:28:15.603 --> 01:28:17.127 -Look, I'm alpa chino, okay? - -01:28:17.238 --> 01:28:18.899 -I love the pussy! All right? - -01:28:19.006 --> 01:28:20.906 -Lay your ass back down -and look at the stars. - -01:28:21.042 --> 01:28:22.373 -When you wrote I love tha pussy - -01:28:22.476 --> 01:28:25.843 -was you thinking of dangling your dice -on Lance's forehead? - -01:28:25.946 --> 01:28:28.312 -Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look. - -01:28:28.416 --> 01:28:31.351 -- Man, everyone's gay once in a while. -- I'm not gay! - -01:28:31.452 --> 01:28:32.476 -This Hollywood. - -01:28:32.586 --> 01:28:33.644 -How about we all get back to work? - -01:28:33.754 --> 01:28:35.415 -- Okay. Cool. -- This is ridiculous! - -01:28:35.523 --> 01:28:38.424 -We got a big day tomorrow. -Let's get focused. - -01:28:40.995 --> 01:28:45.830 -Alpa, if you untie me, -I will literally suck your dick right now. - -01:28:45.933 --> 01:28:49.164 -I told you, for the last time, -I love the pussy! - -01:28:50.538 --> 01:28:53.371 -I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, - -01:28:53.474 --> 01:28:56.568 -work the pipe and swallow the gravy. - -01:28:56.677 --> 01:28:58.736 -Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this. - -01:29:05.319 --> 01:29:06.377 -Okay, so, what's the plan? - -01:29:06.487 --> 01:29:07.886 -Are you gonna talk vietnamese -to those dudes? - -01:29:07.988 --> 01:29:09.751 -No. No. Mandarin Chinese. - -01:29:09.857 --> 01:29:11.552 -Which, from what I can tell, -is what they speaking down there. - -01:29:11.659 --> 01:29:13.217 -How the hell do you know Chinese? - -01:29:13.327 --> 01:29:16.785 -Land of silk and money with gong li. -Second globe, third Oscar. - -01:29:16.897 --> 01:29:20.856 -Prepped for that one by working in -a Beijing textile factory for eight months. - -01:29:20.968 --> 01:29:22.902 -That might be our ride. - -01:29:39.653 --> 01:29:40.881 -The straps are too tight! - -01:29:40.988 --> 01:29:43.354 -Shut your mouth and follow my lead. - -01:30:11.252 --> 01:30:14.221 -The straps are cutting off -my circulation! - -01:30:14.321 --> 01:30:15.321 -Fuck you! - -01:30:22.797 --> 01:30:25.698 -Not the fucking bull again. -Fucking asshole. - -01:31:19.753 --> 01:31:22.449 -Laz, don't let him take me off the yak. - -01:31:26.961 --> 01:31:29.225 -Bitch whore! Fucking hate you! - -01:31:39.373 --> 01:31:40.567 -Okay. - -01:31:42.776 --> 01:31:44.334 -All right. - -01:31:44.445 --> 01:31:46.845 -That looks like it could be -the munitions hut right there. - -01:31:46.947 --> 01:31:49.006 -I'm gonna try to find speedman -in the main building. - -01:32:06.901 --> 01:32:10.598 -I don't know Chinese but it sounds like -your improvising is for shit. - -01:32:10.704 --> 01:32:11.830 -Oh, fuck! - -01:32:27.354 --> 01:32:28.946 -Get over here! - -01:32:30.324 --> 01:32:31.882 -- What are you guys doing here? -- He has hands. - -01:32:31.992 --> 01:32:34.392 -- He killed Damien. -- Bullshit! - -01:32:34.495 --> 01:32:36.986 -- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. -- Almost! - -01:32:37.097 --> 01:32:40.294 -What are you talking about? -Damien stepped on a old landmine. - -01:32:40.401 --> 01:32:41.959 -Sweet. Thank God. - -01:32:42.069 --> 01:32:44.264 -- We busting speedman out. -- Speedman's here? - -01:33:12.433 --> 01:33:15.027 -I take it y'all are doing -the wet offensive from the book. - -01:33:15.135 --> 01:33:16.397 -I can give y'all a diversion. - -01:33:16.503 --> 01:33:20.439 -I got enough shit here to light this place -up like it's the fourth of fucking July. - -01:34:01.915 --> 01:34:04.383 -Yes, your farm. - -01:34:08.756 --> 01:34:11.156 -Where is your farm, - -01:34:12.726 --> 01:34:14.193 -American? - -01:34:17.031 --> 01:34:18.293 -My farm? - -01:34:20.234 --> 01:34:21.496 -Oh, shit. - -01:34:22.269 --> 01:34:25.466 -Here's my motherfucking farm! - -01:34:25.572 --> 01:34:27.062 -Yeah! - -01:34:32.012 --> 01:34:35.004 -Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby! - -01:34:36.016 --> 01:34:37.210 -Kwan-lo! - -01:34:38.719 --> 01:34:40.619 -I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker! - -01:34:41.121 --> 01:34:42.281 -Yeah! - -01:34:43.857 --> 01:34:47.054 -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, -keep your head down! - -01:34:47.161 --> 01:34:49.425 -Keep your head down on the ground! - -01:34:49.530 --> 01:34:51.691 -Nobody move or I do the little big guy! - -01:34:51.799 --> 01:34:55.235 -That's right, -we running this program now, j.P. - -01:34:55.335 --> 01:34:57.963 -Now show me where the drugs are. - -01:34:58.072 --> 01:34:59.869 -What the fuck? - -01:34:59.973 --> 01:35:01.668 -That ain't the plan! - -01:35:01.775 --> 01:35:03.470 -Don't judge me! - -01:35:07.147 --> 01:35:08.910 -He's got a real serious problem. - -01:35:09.716 --> 01:35:11.980 -Hey! Hey, you! - -01:35:12.086 --> 01:35:16.049 -Take off your clothes! - -01:35:16.156 --> 01:35:17.453 -What do we do now? - -01:35:17.558 --> 01:35:19.389 -Stick with the plan. Find speedman. - -01:35:19.493 --> 01:35:21.893 -Alpa, keep this clown posse down. -Come on now. - -01:35:21.995 --> 01:35:25.362 -Y'all heard the man. -Be suede, don't move! - -01:35:25.466 --> 01:35:27.366 -Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag. - -01:35:27.468 --> 01:35:29.959 -- Door! -- One, two, three! - -01:35:43.250 --> 01:35:45.081 -I go high, you go low. - -01:35:49.456 --> 01:35:53.324 -Get down. Get down! Get down! -Chow yun-fat, get the hell down! - -01:35:53.427 --> 01:35:56.726 -If I see one more head pop up, -it's gonna be bullet whac-a-mole. - -01:35:58.298 --> 01:35:59.731 -Come on, come on! - -01:35:59.833 --> 01:36:01.824 -- Smoke grenade. -- Don't drop it now. - -01:36:02.503 --> 01:36:04.061 -Here. - -01:36:04.171 --> 01:36:06.568 -- What's this? -- I don't know what it's called. - -01:36:06.673 --> 01:36:09.267 -I just know the sound it makes -when it lies. - -01:36:09.376 --> 01:36:12.903 -Don't move, matchbox, -or I will shoot you. - -01:36:13.013 --> 01:36:15.880 -I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move. - -01:36:15.983 --> 01:36:17.712 -I can still see you. - -01:36:23.857 --> 01:36:24.949 -Tugg! - -01:36:27.494 --> 01:36:28.654 -Tugg? - -01:36:30.731 --> 01:36:31.925 -Gotcha. - -01:36:33.100 --> 01:36:36.001 -Roll your shit up, man. We going home. - -01:36:36.103 --> 01:36:37.229 -Home? - -01:36:39.373 --> 01:36:43.207 -But I'm doing five shows a day -for a standing-room-only crowd. - -01:36:43.310 --> 01:36:45.870 -Don't you get it? I already am home. - -01:36:48.182 --> 01:36:51.310 -All right, now, dude, you gotta get it... - -01:36:51.418 --> 01:36:53.613 -My son gave this to me. - -01:36:53.720 --> 01:36:57.212 -- That's your stick buddy? -- His name is twigman. - -01:36:57.324 --> 01:36:59.155 -Does he wanna come with us? - -01:37:20.147 --> 01:37:22.274 -Get down! Get down! Get down! - -01:37:22.382 --> 01:37:27.342 -Maybe y'all heard of me. -Y'all heard of alpa chino? No? - -01:37:27.454 --> 01:37:29.922 -I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah - -01:37:30.023 --> 01:37:31.149 -they're not your demo, dude. - -01:37:31.625 --> 01:37:34.025 -Come on. -Six motherfucking vmas, baby. - -01:37:34.127 --> 01:37:37.324 -Two bet awards. Alpa chino. - -01:37:37.431 --> 01:37:43.836 -Like him in carlito's way? - -01:37:44.204 --> 01:37:46.866 -Hey, yo, you know what? -Speak English. I don't speak that stuff. - -01:37:46.974 --> 01:37:48.908 -What're you sayin'? Huh? - -01:37:49.009 --> 01:37:53.571 -Devil's advocate. Dog day afternoon. - -01:37:53.947 --> 01:37:56.780 -Cruising. Sea of love. - -01:37:56.883 --> 01:37:59.875 -Real Al Pacino. - -01:37:59.987 --> 01:38:03.582 -Get the fuck down. That's a whole -different dude altogether. - -01:38:03.690 --> 01:38:06.750 -What you doing? What you doing? -Don't touch that gun. - -01:38:06.860 --> 01:38:08.259 -Don't do it! Don't touch that gun! - -01:38:08.362 --> 01:38:10.660 -On my momma, if you touch that gun... - -01:38:15.302 --> 01:38:17.702 -- Oh, shit, it's on! -- Over here! - -01:38:52.105 --> 01:38:53.868 -- What're you doing? -- I'm gonna give these boys - -01:38:53.974 --> 01:38:55.601 -a hanoi high-five. - -01:39:08.255 --> 01:39:09.620 -Shadow me, Pinocchio! - -01:39:10.390 --> 01:39:11.618 -Smoke! - -01:39:17.464 --> 01:39:19.159 -Oh, shit! - -01:39:24.004 --> 01:39:25.528 -Jeff, don't! - -01:39:26.373 --> 01:39:28.364 -It doesn't matter what I do. - -01:39:28.475 --> 01:39:31.444 -I'll always be a screw-up. -No one'll ever respect me. - -01:39:31.545 --> 01:39:35.538 -That is not true, you are not a screw-up! -You make so many people laugh. - -01:39:35.649 --> 01:39:37.879 -They only laugh at my farts. - -01:39:37.984 --> 01:39:39.975 -Jeff, we really need to go now! - -01:39:40.087 --> 01:39:41.679 -This is all I deserve! - -01:40:01.842 --> 01:40:04.072 -Laugh at that, you bastards! - -01:40:04.177 --> 01:40:07.578 -Hilarious! Hilarious! - -01:40:09.116 --> 01:40:11.949 -Let's move. We only have 16 hours -before they wake up. - -01:40:28.235 --> 01:40:29.827 -Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing. - -01:40:29.936 --> 01:40:32.871 -These assholes are gonna be crawling -in here ready to fucking eat us. - -01:40:35.809 --> 01:40:38.676 -There. All right, you keep six right here. - -01:40:40.614 --> 01:40:42.775 -Come on, let's go. - -01:40:42.883 --> 01:40:44.817 -Come on, what are you guys doing? -Let's get out of here! - -01:40:44.918 --> 01:40:46.579 -He's on tilt status. - -01:40:46.686 --> 01:40:50.645 -Same thing happened to me when -I played Neil Armstrong in moonshot. - -01:40:50.757 --> 01:40:52.850 -They found me in an alley in Burbank - -01:40:52.959 --> 01:40:56.190 -trying to re-enter the earth's -atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. - -01:40:56.930 --> 01:40:57.988 -What're you talking about? - -01:40:58.098 --> 01:41:00.464 -Come on, fellas, we really need to go. - -01:41:00.567 --> 01:41:05.004 -Daggomit, blamtucky, -I ain't re-programming a vcr. - -01:41:10.911 --> 01:41:13.141 -Give me the flame thrower. -You gotta start the chopper. - -01:41:13.246 --> 01:41:16.682 -- No, fuck that! Just give me this. -- No time! I'll take care of this! - -01:41:17.918 --> 01:41:19.818 -All right. Give me your hooks. - -01:41:19.920 --> 01:41:21.547 -Don't worry, -I'm not gonna put them on again. - -01:41:21.655 --> 01:41:24.488 -- Just give me your goddamn hooks. -- All right. Here. - -01:41:24.591 --> 01:41:26.752 -Get those boys back to the bird, pronto! - -01:41:31.698 --> 01:41:33.859 -Shit! Enough! - -01:41:33.967 --> 01:41:35.867 -Fake shit! - -01:41:38.972 --> 01:41:40.098 -Fuck! - -01:41:47.814 --> 01:41:50.977 -Go get your guys! -Get them to the chopper! - -01:41:51.084 --> 01:41:53.177 -I'll take care of these yahoos! - -01:41:55.222 --> 01:41:57.486 -You're gonna focus up now, -motherfucker, and say it. - -01:41:57.591 --> 01:41:59.718 -- "It's me, tugg!" -- It's me, tugg. - -01:41:59.826 --> 01:42:01.293 -That's right! Now, tugg who? - -01:42:01.394 --> 01:42:04.192 -- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? -- Me? - -01:42:04.297 --> 01:42:05.992 -I know who I am! - -01:42:06.099 --> 01:42:09.830 -I'm a dude playing a dude -disguised as another dude. - -01:42:09.936 --> 01:42:10.994 -What? - -01:42:11.104 --> 01:42:13.197 -You a dude -that don't know what dude he is! - -01:42:13.306 --> 01:42:16.002 -Or are you a dude who has no idea -what dude he is - -01:42:16.109 --> 01:42:17.371 -and claims to know what dude he is... - -01:42:17.477 --> 01:42:19.240 -What the fuck -are you guys talking about? - -01:42:19.346 --> 01:42:20.438 -By playing other dudes? - -01:42:20.547 --> 01:42:21.741 -I know what dude I am! - -01:42:21.848 --> 01:42:24.646 -- You're scared. -- I ain't scared. Scared of what? - -01:42:24.751 --> 01:42:26.013 -Or scared of who? - -01:42:26.119 --> 01:42:28.713 -- Scared of who? -- Come on, guys. We really need to go! - -01:42:28.822 --> 01:42:30.084 -Scared of you. - -01:42:34.995 --> 01:42:37.327 -- Jesus. -- What's going on? - -01:42:37.430 --> 01:42:38.954 -The dudes are emerging. - -01:42:39.065 --> 01:42:40.396 -He's right, you know. - -01:42:42.168 --> 01:42:43.567 -I am not - -01:42:45.138 --> 01:42:46.833 -sergeant Lincoln osiris. - -01:42:51.244 --> 01:42:52.711 -We gotta roll out. - -01:42:52.812 --> 01:42:56.043 -Nor am I father O'Malley. - -01:42:58.285 --> 01:43:01.220 -Or Neil Armstrong. - -01:43:08.795 --> 01:43:10.956 -I think I might be nobody. - -01:43:12.365 --> 01:43:13.525 -Wow! - -01:43:13.633 --> 01:43:16.295 -The insecurity level -with you guys is ridiculous! - -01:43:17.571 --> 01:43:20.540 -- Everybody's got issues! -- Yeah, man, everybody got issues. - -01:43:20.640 --> 01:43:23.200 -Come on! You're kirk Lazarus. - -01:43:23.310 --> 01:43:25.471 -You're the whole reason -I got into acting. - -01:43:25.579 --> 01:43:27.410 -I memorized every single monologue - -01:43:27.514 --> 01:43:30.108 -you ever did -when I was in theater school. - -01:43:30.216 --> 01:43:32.241 -- Really? -- Yeah. And look, tugg! - -01:43:32.352 --> 01:43:34.786 -I saw scorcher I -24 times when I was in eighth grade. - -01:43:34.888 --> 01:43:37.857 -That shit blew me away! -I got high to that shit! You the man! - -01:43:37.958 --> 01:43:41.086 -Yeah, man, scorcher I was great. -Let's get the fuck out of here! - -01:43:41.194 --> 01:43:45.324 -Tugg, tugger, you're the last piece -of the puzzle, buddy. - -01:43:45.432 --> 01:43:48.424 -We need you! Your men need you! -Are you with us? - -01:43:52.772 --> 01:43:54.763 -I'm a rooster illusion. - -01:43:54.874 --> 01:43:56.068 -Fuck it. We'll deal with him later. - -01:43:56.176 --> 01:43:59.339 -Let's move. Come on. Come on. -Double time. Gotta go! - -01:44:01.881 --> 01:44:03.678 -Come on, come on, come on. - -01:44:07.454 --> 01:44:09.388 -Bingo! Move out. - -01:44:11.324 --> 01:44:12.689 -Oh, God. - -01:44:14.661 --> 01:44:17.528 -Just say no to this, -you drug-making midget. - -01:44:22.102 --> 01:44:23.569 -Gotta hold on! - -01:44:29.743 --> 01:44:31.108 -Four leaf! - -01:44:35.849 --> 01:44:37.180 -You grew hands? - -01:44:46.426 --> 01:44:47.950 -Rpg, gentlemen! - -01:44:50.730 --> 01:44:52.254 -Where are you going? - -01:44:57.771 --> 01:45:00.296 -Oh, my God. -I am moving to catering after this. - -01:45:22.328 --> 01:45:23.659 -My ass! - -01:45:26.900 --> 01:45:28.231 -My ass! - -01:45:29.836 --> 01:45:33.101 -Hey, yo! -We gotta get our shit together, tugg! - -01:45:33.206 --> 01:45:35.436 -We gotta get his cracker ass -to the chopper! - -01:45:35.542 --> 01:45:39.842 -Are you still crazy? -We gotta get candisky to the chopper! - -01:45:39.946 --> 01:45:41.413 -It's sandusky. - -01:45:43.283 --> 01:45:46.582 -- Kevin sandusky. -- That's my name. - -01:45:46.686 --> 01:45:48.278 -You remembered my name. - -01:45:48.388 --> 01:45:50.413 -Alpa, go help Cody. - -01:45:50.523 --> 01:45:52.514 -Portnoy, get sandusky -back to the chopper. Go! - -01:45:52.625 --> 01:45:54.456 -- I got him! -- Let's go! - -01:45:55.895 --> 01:45:57.419 -Let's get out of here! - -01:46:09.309 --> 01:46:10.799 -Hey, leaf! - -01:46:10.910 --> 01:46:12.138 -- Leaf! -- Yeah. - -01:46:12.245 --> 01:46:13.245 -Hit the plunger - -01:46:13.346 --> 01:46:15.106 -- as soon as they clear the bridge! -- Got it! - -01:46:19.786 --> 01:46:22.220 -Come on! Get in the chopper! - -01:46:22.422 --> 01:46:25.220 -- Come on! Move! -- Kirk! Wait! - -01:46:29.763 --> 01:46:31.390 -Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge! - -01:46:31.498 --> 01:46:33.295 -Are you the special effects guy? - -01:46:33.399 --> 01:46:35.526 -- You God damn right I am. -- Fuck yeah! - -01:46:35.935 --> 01:46:37.129 -Leaf's about to blow the bridge. -Come on! - -01:46:37.237 --> 01:46:39.831 -You don't have to! You don't have to! -I'm staying. - -01:46:39.939 --> 01:46:41.429 -No, I can't let you do that, mate. -We gotta go. - -01:46:41.541 --> 01:46:44.066 -No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy. -They'll listen to me. - -01:46:44.177 --> 01:46:46.668 -I know it sounds weird, -but I have a connection with them. - -01:46:46.780 --> 01:46:49.660 -You're not doing tofu dinner theater -for these motherfuckers. Let's roll! - -01:46:49.682 --> 01:46:53.516 -- Get over here! -- I have a son now. Little half squat. - -01:46:53.620 --> 01:46:55.178 -Who in crikey fuck is half squat? - -01:46:55.288 --> 01:46:57.518 -He's my son. He's my boy! - -01:46:57.624 --> 01:47:00.058 -He needs me. I have to go back to him. - -01:47:03.196 --> 01:47:04.857 -You tell the world what happened here. - -01:47:04.964 --> 01:47:06.795 -What happened here? - -01:47:06.900 --> 01:47:09.130 -I don't know, but you need to tell them. - -01:47:11.504 --> 01:47:13.335 -I got this. - -01:47:13.439 --> 01:47:14.599 -Tugg! - -01:47:15.308 --> 01:47:18.869 -You take care of the boys! -I'll deal with these guys. - -01:47:20.280 --> 01:47:23.875 -Where is he going? -We're gonna fucking die! - -01:47:23.983 --> 01:47:26.611 -Laz, come on. He joined the circus. -Let's go. - -01:47:26.719 --> 01:47:27.913 -- You've got hands. -- Yeah. - -01:47:28.021 --> 01:47:30.148 -- Fuck! You've got hands? -- Come on! - -01:47:31.224 --> 01:47:32.350 -- Come on! -- Get in! - -01:47:32.458 --> 01:47:34.085 -- Come on! -- He's staying? - -01:47:34.194 --> 01:47:36.458 -Go! He's a lost cause, mate! -Get out of here! - -01:47:41.034 --> 01:47:45.528 -I was wrong! Blow the bridge! -Blow the fucking bridge! - -01:47:51.377 --> 01:47:52.776 -I got this. - -01:47:53.446 --> 01:47:54.879 -Leaf, no! - -01:48:39.025 --> 01:48:41.653 -It's over! He's gone! - -01:48:41.761 --> 01:48:43.820 -Cody! We gotta go! - -01:48:45.832 --> 01:48:47.026 -Look. - -01:49:09.656 --> 01:49:10.987 -Think he's done. - -01:49:11.090 --> 01:49:12.318 -Cover me! - -01:49:13.393 --> 01:49:16.328 -- Come on! -- Wait, come back! - -01:49:16.429 --> 01:49:18.158 -How do we cover him? - -01:49:22.402 --> 01:49:25.803 -All right, game over. Come on, mate. -Come on. - -01:49:25.905 --> 01:49:28.499 -- You all right, man? -- I'm cold. - -01:49:28.608 --> 01:49:30.599 -I can't feel my legs. - -01:49:30.710 --> 01:49:33.645 -No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? -There's a puddle right there. - -01:49:33.746 --> 01:49:34.940 -- No worries. -- Good. - -01:49:35.048 --> 01:49:36.345 -Come on, we gotta split, man. - -01:49:36.449 --> 01:49:38.747 -- You guys came back for me. -- Course. - -01:49:38.851 --> 01:49:41.183 -Hey! I want you to know something. - -01:49:41.287 --> 01:49:42.481 -What? - -01:49:43.656 --> 01:49:45.453 -I know who you are. - -01:49:47.560 --> 01:49:49.323 -You're my friend. - -01:49:51.597 --> 01:49:53.224 -You're my brother. - -01:49:54.100 --> 01:49:56.933 -But like a really cool brother, you know? - -01:49:57.036 --> 01:49:58.401 -Like a brother -where there was no animosity or... - -01:49:58.504 --> 01:50:01.337 -Don't look now, -you got some real tears going. - -01:50:01.441 --> 01:50:02.441 -Really? - -01:50:02.542 --> 01:50:04.032 -That's the stuff -that accolades are made of. - -01:50:04.143 --> 01:50:05.610 -Jesus, let's go, man! - -01:50:05.712 --> 01:50:07.813 -All right? - -01:50:08.748 --> 01:50:10.181 -Upsy-Daisy. - -01:50:11.951 --> 01:50:14.943 -Come on! Come on! Come on! -Let's go! Let's go! - -01:50:17.090 --> 01:50:18.387 -Get in! Get in! - -01:50:18.491 --> 01:50:20.516 -Come on! Here we go! - -01:50:23.062 --> 01:50:25.860 -Tuggernuts! I got it! - -01:50:28.234 --> 01:50:30.532 -- Tugger! -- Rick! - -01:50:33.139 --> 01:50:34.367 -What the fuck? - -01:50:34.474 --> 01:50:36.101 -I got the TiVo! - -01:50:37.010 --> 01:50:41.413 -My friend wants a TiVo, -my friend gets a TiVo! - -01:50:46.586 --> 01:50:47.848 -Oh, shit! - -01:51:24.690 --> 01:51:26.715 -And the Oscar goes to... - -01:51:29.462 --> 01:51:31.760 -Yes! Tugg speedman. - -01:51:33.399 --> 01:51:36.095 -"Tropic blunder, -the true story behind the making - -01:51:36.202 --> 01:51:38.727 -"of the most expensive -fake true war story ever." - -01:51:40.306 --> 01:51:41.432 -Yeah! - -01:51:46.145 --> 01:51:48.045 -Yeah, you son of a bitch! - -01:52:07.366 --> 01:52:11.735 -Eight oscars, $400 million - -01:52:11.838 --> 01:52:15.069 -and you saved -tugg speedman's career. - -01:52:15.174 --> 01:52:18.041 -I couldn't have done it -without you, slolom. - -01:52:20.079 --> 01:52:21.171 -Really? - -01:52:21.280 --> 01:52:23.271 -No, dickhead, of course I could. - -01:52:23.382 --> 01:52:26.044 -- A nutless monkey could do your job. -- Well, I... - -01:52:26.152 --> 01:52:29.053 -Now, go get drunk -and take credit at all the parties. - -01:52:29.155 --> 01:52:31.851 -- I would never do that to... -- Joking. - -01:52:31.958 --> 01:52:33.323 -- Yeah? -- Yeah. - -01:52:33.426 --> 01:52:35.621 -Very... okay, there he is. - -01:52:35.728 --> 01:52:37.218 -- There he is. Okay. -- Go have fun. - -01:52:37.330 --> 01:52:38.854 -All right. We're having a... - -01:52:38.965 --> 01:52:41.445 -Fuck, okay. Thank you, les. -Thank you. You have a good night... - -01:52:41.467 --> 01:52:43.867 -But seriously, -a nutless monkey could do your job. - -01:52:43.970 --> 01:52:45.699 -Good. Thank you, sir. +01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:36.000 +Download more movies for free +from YTS.MX